Named characters
10806 [NARRATOR]
3246 Breaker (555)/Pickle (7)/Breaker Cane (3)/Sophisticated . Date Breaker (1)/Breaker Pickle Cane (1)/Cane (1)/BREAKER (1)/BREAKER Hands (1)
2755 Lia (645)/LIA (7)/Miss Lia (4)/Meghan Prologue LIA (1)/Auntie Lia (1)/Meghan -All (1)
1239 JP (227)/Huxley (195)/JP . Huxley (1)/the old Huxley (1)/the sharp , rigid Huxley (1)
521 Brian (391)/Brian Manchester Beaver (1)/Brian Beaver (1)/Mrs. Brian (1)
466 Birdy (104)
400 The Beave (123)/Beave (3)
332 Kelsey (135)
319 Lottie (152)/Lo (1)
147 Myla (48)
96 Banner (32)/Banner Bisley (1)
82 Slurpee Boy (4)
81 Ophelia (36)/Ophelia Fairweather - Fern (2)/Ophelia Fairweather - Fern - Beaver (1)
77 Mrs. Beaver (25)/Beaver (1)
72 Jorge (23)
62 Ryot (32)/Ryot Bisley (2)
27 God (21)/Good God (2)/GOD (1)/Dear God (1)
24 Penn (14)
22 Jesus Christ (10)/Jesus (7)/Jesus fucking Christ (2)/Christ (1)/Jesus fuck (1)
20 Beverly (6)
19 Taylor (9)
16 Mr. Cane (7)
15 Clinton Mars (2)/Mars (1)/Clinton (1)
14 Mother (12)
14 God (7)/God Almighty (1)
13 Gemma (6)/Gemma Shoemacher (2)/Shoemacher (2)
13 Reign (6)
12 Lucifer (1)
11 Mrs. Gunderson (1)
10 Kazoo (6)
9 Barabbas (4)
9 Jiggles (2)
7 Uncle Steve (2)/Steve (1)
6 Dean (3)
6 Kenzie (4)
6 Mary (4)/the Bloody Mary (1)/Bloody Mary (1)
6 Drawn (1)
5 Bloody Marys (4)/the Bloody Marys (1)
4 Huzzah (4)
4 Sam (4)
4 glass Yahtzee (3)/Yahtzee (1)
4 Father Joseph (2)/Father (1)
4 Ca (3)
4 Charise (4)
4 Callie (2)
4 Pussycat Cupcakes (1)
4 Hux (3)
4 Kylo (3)/the Kylo Ren (1)
4 Rey (4)
4 Amanda Fulton (1)
3 Adam West (1)/Adam (1)
3 Rory Gilmore (1)/Rory (1)
3 Fred Savage (1)/the Fred Savage (1)
3 Tanya (1)
3 Mr. Beaver (1)
3 the Beavers (2)/The Beavers (1)
3 Bertha (3)
3 Bernard (3)
3 old junky Jack Skellington (1)/Jack Skellington (1)/Jack (1)
3 Miss Fairweather - Fern (3)
3 Pickle of Honor (3)
3 Dad (2)
3 Mom (2)
3 Canes (1)
3 Anita Sparkle Claw (1)
3 Tik Tok (1)
3 Sally (1)/Sara Ney (1)
2 SSS (1)/the SSS (1)
2 Cronuts (2)
2 The Thin Man (2)
2 Splash (1)
2 Lovely (1)
2 Mrs. Doubtfire (2)
2 Clementine (2)
2 Steve Harvey (1)
2 Babe (2)
2 Whispering (1)
2 Huxley Cane (1)/Huxley (1)
Major entities (proper, common)
FAC
2 Breaker ’s
1 the Jamba Juice
1 Cane Enterprises
1 the Big Apple
1 The Emperor ’s New Groove
1 The Beave
1 Alberto ’s
1 Masala Palace
1 Picturesque
1 Huxley ’s
55 here
38 home
30 my apartment
22 the kitchen
20 the bathroom
19 the room/The room
17 the club/The club
17 my bedroom
16 her apartment/Her apartment
16 my place
GPE
6 California
5 New York
5 Los Angeles
4 Malibu
4 Disneyland
3 Disney
2 Kelsey
2 Ophelia
2 Chicago
2 San Jose
6 town
4 there
3 the city/the City
1 major cities
1 here
1 Gated community
1 the United States
1 this city
1 this state
1 this country
LOC
2 the West Coast
2 the Matterhorn
1 Galaxy Edge
1 California Adventure
1 Space Mountain
10 the world/The world
5 the hill
2 the island
2 the universe
1 my world
1 the cliffs of Malibu
1 rich beach
1 earth to
1 the heart of Los Angeles
1 the ocean
PER
659 Lia/LIA/Miss Lia/Meghan Prologue LIA/Auntie Lia/Meghan -All
570 Breaker/Pickle/Breaker Cane/Sophisticated . Date Breaker/Breaker Pickle Cane/Cane/BREAKER/BREAKER Hands
425 JP/Huxley/JP . Huxley/the old Huxley/the sharp , rigid Huxley
394 Brian/Brian Manchester Beaver/Brian Beaver/Mrs. Brian
153 Lottie/Lo
135 Kelsey
126 The Beave/Beave
104 Birdy
48 Myla
39 Ophelia/Ophelia Fairweather - Fern/Ophelia Fairweather - Fern - Beaver
49 each other
43 someone
35 everyone/Everyone/EVERYONE
34 my best friend
29 people/People
27 anyone
24 man/Man
24 my brothers/My brothers
24 the girls/The girls
20 my parents
ORG
2 Cane Enterprises
1 the SSS
1 The Jock Report
1 Standalone Sports Romance
1 The Brentwood Boys
1 Secret Scrabble Society
1 the SSS
1 the Secret Scrabble Society
1 the club
1 the parish
1 a social media conglomerate for everything sports where the athletes
1 Family Feud
1 the company
1 your company
1 Meghan -All
VEH
10 the car
7 my car
6 his car
5 the plane
4 the elevator
3 her car
2 his model airplane
2 her white SUV
1 a boat
1 your private jet
Text
Published by Hot - Lanta Publishing , LLC Copyright 2023 Cover Design By : RBA Designs This book is licensed for [your]232-your personal enjoyment only . This book may not be re - sold or given away to [other people]233-other people . If [you]232-your would like to share this book with [another person]234-another person , please purchase an additional copy for [each person]235-each person . If [you]232-your ’re reading this book and did not purchase it , or it was not purchased for [your]232-your use only , then please return it and purchase [your]232-your own copy . Thank [you]232-your for respecting the hard work of [this author]236-this author . No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means , including information storage and retrieval systems , without written permission from [the author]237-the author , except for the use of brief quotations in a book review . To obtain permission to excerpt portions of the text , please contact [the author]237-the author at meghan.quinn.author@gmail.com All characters in this book are fiction and figments of [the author]237-the author ’s imagination . www.authormeghanquinn.com Copyright © 2023 [Meghan Quinn]62-meghan quinn All rights reserved . Contents Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Epilogue Excerpt - Kiss and Don†™ t Tell More Books by [Meghan Prologue LIA]168-lia “ Excuse [me]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , bumping into [a lanky guy]240-a lanky guy in [a jam - packed dorm hallway]241-a jam - packed dorm hallway . “ Sorry , did n’t see [you]240-a lanky guy there . [I]240-a lanky guy ’m all kinds of lost . ”[240-a lanky guy] “ Not a problem , ”[240-a lanky guy] says a deep voice that pulls [my]0-i gaze up to [the tall figure with shaggy - brown hair , dark - rimmed glasses]242-the tall figure with shaggy - brown hair , dark - rimmed glasses , and a mustache so thick that it almost looks fake . Who knows , maybe it is . “ What are [you]0-i looking for ? ”[240-a lanky guy] [he]240-a lanky guy asks while [he]240-a lanky guy brings a sixty - four - ounce Slurpee cup to [his]240-a lanky guy lips . “ Uh . ”[240-a lanky guy] [I]0-i glance around , then whisper , “ Room 209 . But [I]0-i keep getting turned around because it does n’t seem like there ’s [a room 209]2050-a room 209 . ”[0-i] A smile tugs at [his]240-a lanky guy lips . “ [Scrabble nerd]2051-scrabble nerd ? ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [He]240-a lanky guy leans forward and whispers , “ It ’s okay . [I]240-a lanky guy ’m part of [the SSS]64-the sss . [Room 209]2052-room 209 is hidden for a reason . ”[240-a lanky guy] SSS = [Secret Scrabble Society]243-secret scrabble society . But the first rule about [SSS]64-the sss is that [you]244-you do n’t talk about it . At least , that ’s what it said in the invite [I]0-i received last night . It was a letter delivered to [[my]0-i dorm room]245-my dorm room . A thick envelope sealed with wax with an SSS melted into the red liquid . When [I]0-i saw the symbol , [I]0-i quickly locked [my]0-i door , turned off [my]0-i lights , and switched on [my]0-i desk lamp . With bated breath , [I]0-i delicately opened the envelope and unfolded the sides , revealing the writing on the inside . [I]0-i had been handpicked by [the SSS]246-the sss to join [them]246-the sss tonight . During the grueling , three - week tryout process , [I]0-i played ruthless battles against [different members]247-different members online . After a few losses , a few wins , and two ties , the tryouts were over , and all [I]0-i had to do was wait . Well , that time has come . [I]0-i have the invite in hand , and all it says is to show up to room 209 in [the Pine Dormitory]248-the pine dormitory at 10:23 p.m. sharp , ask no questions , and say nothing . And then [I]0-i ’m to knock with a specific pattern and provide the secret password to get in . But now that [I]0-i ’m [here]249-here , lost and confused , [I]0-i feel like [I]0-i ’m breaking the rules already . Unfortunately , time is ticking , and [I]0-i have no idea how to proceed . [I]0-i do n’t want to show up late , especially on the first night . But [I]0-i ca n’t find [the room]250-the room , and . . . [this guy with the stache and the Slurpee]251-this guy with the stache and the slurpee seems like [he]251-this guy with the stache and the slurpee knows what [he]251-this guy with the stache and the slurpee ’s talking about . Ugh . . . but what if this is a test ? What if [he]251-this guy with the stache and the slurpee was planted by [the SSS]246-the sss , and [I]0-i already failed because [I]0-i mentioned room 209 and Scrabble and . . . God , [I]0-i ’m a failure . Unsure of how to proceed , [I]0-i rock on [my]0-i feet , [my]0-i hands twisting in front of [me]0-i as [I]0-i glance around [the hordes of people]253-the hordes of people . What is going on in [here]249-here anyway ? It ’s [a dorm hallway]255-a dorm hallway , not [a cafeteria]256-a cafeteria . Where are all [these people]257-these people going ? [I]0-i think [I]0-i need to ditch [Slurpee Boy]65-slurpee boy . [He]65-slurpee boy knows too much already . And [I]0-i will not put [my]0-i position with [the SSS]246-the sss in jeopardy . [I]0-i worked way too hard for an invitation . “ [You]65-slurpee boy know , it was nice talking to [you]65-slurpee boy , but [I]0-i think [I]0-i ’ll just go look for [the room]250-the room [myself]0-i . Thanks . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn away and head for [a dark corridor]259-a dark corridor , only for [him]65-slurpee boy to call out , “ Not going to find [room 209 down there]2054-room 209 down there . ”[65-slurpee boy] [I]0-i glance over [my]0-i shoulder to see [him]65-slurpee boy sipping on [his]65-slurpee boy Slurpee with a smile , [his]65-slurpee boy playful eyes intent on [my]0-i annoyed expression . “ [I]65-slurpee boy was n’t actually going that way , ”[65-slurpee boy] [I]0-i respond with indignance . “ Seemed like [you]65-slurpee boy were . ”[0-i] “ [I]65-slurpee boy was faking [you]65-slurpee boy out . ”[65-slurpee boy] “ Were [you]0-i now ? ”[65-slurpee boy] [he]65-slurpee boy asks , that smile growing wider . “ Why would [you]65-slurpee boy be faking [me]65-slurpee boy out ? ”[65-slurpee boy] [I]0-i straighten to face [him]65-slurpee boy and raise [my]0-i chin as [I]0-i say , “ Because between [your]65-slurpee boy ungodly thick mustache and [your]65-slurpee boy shaggy hair , [you]65-slurpee boy look like a predator . How can [I]0-i be sure that [you]65-slurpee boy ’re not attempting to snatch [me]0-i up ? ”[0-i] [His]65-slurpee boy brows raise as [he]65-slurpee boy runs [his]65-slurpee boy fingers over [his]65-slurpee boy mustache . “ [You]0-i know , [you]0-i ’re the third person who said [I]65-slurpee boy ca n’t rock this mustache . [I]65-slurpee boy thought [I]65-slurpee boy was looking pretty legit . ”[65-slurpee boy] [The man]260-the man needs to get a better mirror . “ [Your]0-i mustache is offensive . [I]65-slurpee boy ’m pretty sure it would make even the most randy of [women]2055-women go dry . ”[65-slurpee boy] The words fly out of [my]0-i mouth before [I]0-i can stop them . Lack of filter — it ’s [my]0-i downfall . [I]0-i wince as [his]65-slurpee boy eyes nearly pop out of their sockets . Yeah , [I]0-i was surprised too , [buddy]261-buddy . “ Uh , [I]261-buddy do n’t know — ”[261-buddy] Before [I]0-i can finish telling [him]65-slurpee boy [I]0-i ’m not quite sure where in the depths of [my]0-i being that insult came out of , [he]65-slurpee boy grips [his]65-slurpee boy stomach , bends forward , and lets out a long - drawn - out laugh , [his]65-slurpee boy Slurpee shaking in [his]65-slurpee boy hand . Well , at least [he]65-slurpee boy was n’t offended . [I]0-i ’ve got that going for [me]0-i . Either way , [I]0-i do n’t have time for this . Moving past [him]65-slurpee boy , [I]0-i head down the right of [the hallway]262-the hallway , where [I]0-i find an unmarked door . Initially , when [I]0-i was first looking around , [I]0-i thought this was a [utility closet]263-utility closet . But paying a little more attention to the door , [I]0-i think there could be a faint marking of a number on the wall . Maybe . . . just maybe . . . it ’s what [I]0-i ’m looking for . On a hopeful breath , [I]0-i knock on the door three times and then kick the footer like [I]0-i was told just as a tall figure closes in behind [me]0-i . “ [You]264-the guy behind me know , [I]0-i ’ve never had [a girl]2056-a girl tell [me]0-i that [I]0-i possess the uncanny ability to dehydrate the nether regions of the female race with just [my]0-i facial hair . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hold back [my]0-i smile . “ Be glad [I]0-i ’m honest . ”[0-i] The door cracks open , and a single eyeball comes into view . “ Password . ”[264-the guy behind me] “ Walla - walla - bing - bang , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer just as [the guy behind [me]0-i]264-the guy behind me leans forward over [my]0-i shoulder . “ [You]0-i missed the ching - chang part , ”[264-the guy behind me] [he]264-the guy behind me says . “ What ? No , [I]264-the guy behind me did n’t . ”[264-the guy behind me] “ [He]264-the guy behind me ’s right , ”[265-the eyeball] [the eyeball]265-the eyeball says . “ Sorry , no entrance . ”[265-the eyeball] “ Wait , no , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i prevent the eyeball from shutting the door . [I]0-i pull the invite out from [my]0-i pocket and say , “ [I]0-i have the invitation . . . errr , [I]0-i mean . . . ”[0-i] Ugh , stupid , [Lia]168-lia . [You]168-lia ’re not supposed to show the invitation . Backpedal . “ Actually . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i slip the invite back into [my]0-i pocket and fold [my]0-i hands together . “ There is no invite , and [I]0-i have no idea what this door leads to . [I]0-i just know that [I]0-i ’m supposed to be here at ten twenty - three , and [I]0-i am , so therefore , [I]0-i believe [I]0-i should gain entrance . ”[0-i] “ But [you]0-i forgot the ching - chang , ”[65-slurpee boy] [Slurpee Boy]65-slurpee boy says while sucking on [his]65-slurpee boy straw . “ There was no ching - chang , ”[65-slurpee boy] [I]0-i reply with aggravation . “ [It]2057-it clearly said , knock three times , kick the footer , and then say walla - walla - bing - bang . [I]0-i know this because [I]0-i read the , uh . . . thing , twenty - seven times precisely . So either this is not the right door , which perhaps it ’s not , or [you]168-lia two have not read the instructions [yourself]168-lia , and in which case , [I]0-i demand to speak to [an authoritative human]2058-an authoritative human . ”[0-i] “ [An authoritative human]2058-an authoritative human ? ”[65-slurpee boy] [Slurpee Boy]65-slurpee boy asks . “ Is that a professional term ? ”[65-slurpee boy] “ Dumbing it down for [you]65-slurpee boy , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say with snark . “ [You]65-slurpee boy know , since [you]65-slurpee boy have that look . ”[0-i] “ What look ? ”[65-slurpee boy] [he]65-slurpee boy asks . “ One that ’s lacking intelligence . ”[65-slurpee boy] Call it [my]0-i nerves or [my]0-i irritation , or just the fact that [I]0-i ca n’t hold anything back , but [I]0-i just let [my]0-i insult fly . Thankfully , that smile of [his]65-slurpee boy once again tugs on the corners of [his]65-slurpee boy lips right before [he]65-slurpee boy says to eyeball , “ [She]2060-she ’s good , [man]2061-man . Let [her]2060-she in . ”[65-slurpee boy] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , so utterly confused that [I]0-i wonder if being part of [the SSS]64-the sss is even worth it . But then the door opens , revealing [a very large room , larger than all [the other dorm rooms]267-the other dorm rooms , and [it]266-a very large room , larger than all the other dorm rooms , and it ’s a haven to all the things i love ’s a haven to all the things [I]0-i love]266-a very large room , larger than all the other dorm rooms , and it ’s a haven to all the things i love . Off to the right is a raised bed with a desk underneath which holds three computer screens , speakers , a massive keyboard as well as a giant mouse and mouse pad that expands the length of the desk . . . Lord of [the Rings themed]268-the rings themed . Hanging on the beige walls are posters , flags , and framed art ranging from Star Wars to board games to a large yellow - and - blue model airplane suspended from the ceiling . To the left is a futon sofa with a coffee table and crates with cushions all along the edges . In the middle , a Scrabble board on a turntable — the fancy kind . [I]0-i could totally spend an hour nerding out in [this room]269-this room . The whole collection of Harry Potter books rests on the bookshelf — and they look like the originals . [My]0-i mouth salivates . A framed poster of [Adam West]66-adam west as [Batman]67-batman hangs over the sofa , [Adam]66-adam west standing tall with a “ Kerpow ”[66-adam west] in comic detail directly behind [him]66-adam west . And under the small television on a flimsy - looking TV stand is what looks to be an original Atari game console . If [the owner of [this residence]271-this residence]270-the owner of this residence owns [Pitfall]2-pitfall , [we]272-we will be [best friends]273-best friends for life . “ Wow , [cool room]2062-cool room , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . The fantastic décor speaks to [my]0-i geeky heart . And the precise organization , from the labeled folders on the bookshelf next to the desk to the stacked shoes on the shoe rack , is next level . “ Thanks , ”[65-slurpee boy] [Slurpee Boy]65-slurpee boy says . “ It ’s [mine]65-slurpee boy . [I]65-slurpee boy ’m also [the authoritative person]2063-the authoritative person , as [you]0-i like to call it . ”[65-slurpee boy] [He]65-slurpee boy holds [his]65-slurpee boy hand out . “ [Breaker Cane]68-breaker . [It]2064-it ’s nice to meet [you]0-i . Maybe as [you]0-i hang out with [us]2065-us more , [you]0-i can lower [yourself]0-i to [my]65-slurpee boy lack of intelligence on a more personal level . ”[65-slurpee boy] [My]0-i mouth goes dry . The tips of [my]0-i ears go hot . And [I]0-i feel a wave of sweat crest [my]0-i upper lip . Good job , [Lia]168-lia . Really good job . “ Uh , yeah . . . [I]168-lia did n’t really mean — ”[168-lia] “ No , no . Do n’t take it back . ”[65-slurpee boy] [He]65-slurpee boy holds up [his]65-slurpee boy hand . “ [I]65-slurpee boy like [your]0-i brutal and brash honesty . Made [me]65-slurpee boy feel alive . ”[65-slurpee boy] [He]65-slurpee boy winks . “ Oh , okay . In that case . ”[65-slurpee boy] [I]0-i clear [my]0-i throat . “ Although [[your]0-i room]2066-your room seems like a dream to explore , [you]0-i could have tucked the corners of [your]0-i bed better , not quite ‘ [nurse]2067-nurse ’s corner ’ tight , [your]0-i framed picture of [Rory Gilmore]69-rory gilmore is crooked , and [you]0-i have to get rid of the mustache . It ’s atrocious . ”[0-i] [He]65-slurpee boy chuckles and nods while moving [his]65-slurpee boy fingers over the bush beneath [his]65-slurpee boy nose . “ Still trying to perfect [the nurse]2068-the nurse ’s corner . If [you]0-i have expertise in this endeavor , then , by all means , present a tutorial . [The room]250-the room [I]65-slurpee boy share a wall with plays music loud enough that [they]2070-they force [Rory]69-rory gilmore to dance , making [her]69-rory gilmore crooked . [I]65-slurpee boy ’ve given up . And the mustache , well , [I]65-slurpee boy thought it looked good . Seems to [me]65-slurpee boy [everyone]2071-everyone ’s been lying to [me]65-slurpee boy . ”[65-slurpee boy] “ [They]2071-everyone have been . ”[0-i] “ But [you]0-i do n’t seem to have that ability . . . to lie to [someone]2072-someone to forsake [their]2072-someone feelings . ”[65-slurpee boy] “ Depends on the moment and [the person]2073-the person . ”[0-i] [I]0-i look [him]65-slurpee boy up and down . “ [You]0-i seemed sturdy enough to handle the truth , and also , stressful situations — [i.e.]2074-i.e. not knowing where [the room]250-the room was — snatching any social decorum [I]0-i might have stored away . ”[0-i] “ Well , that can only mean one thing . ”[65-slurpee boy] Confused , [I]0-i ask , “ What ’s that ? ”[0-i] “ That there is no other choice than to become [the greatest friends of all time]2076-the greatest friends of all time . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk . “ Only if [you]65-slurpee boy shave . ”[0-i] “ Ehhh , that ’s something [we]2077-we might have to work out . ”[65-slurpee boy] [He]65-slurpee boy rocks on [his]65-slurpee boy feet and continues , “ Given that [you]0-i are [the only new recruit to [the Secret Scrabble Society]2079-the secret scrabble society]2078-the only new recruit to the secret scrabble society , [you]0-i must be [Ophelia Fairweather - Fern]70-ophelia . ”[65-slurpee boy] “ That would be [me]65-slurpee boy . But just call [me]65-slurpee boy [Lia]168-lia . [My]65-slurpee boy entire name is far too many syllables for [anyone]2080-anyone to carry around , let alone [my]65-slurpee boy first name . ”[65-slurpee boy] [He]65-slurpee boy chuckles . “ [Your]0-i name was a check in the plus column during tryouts . But [your]0-i brutal use of words [we]2077-we ’ve never even heard of was the real reason [you]0-i were chosen , especially since [we]2077-we play on a timer . ”[65-slurpee boy] “ That was an added challenge [I]65-slurpee boy appreciated . Although the timer startled [me]65-slurpee boy at first and took a second for [me]65-slurpee boy to get used to . That and not being able to see [your]0-i new letters or the gameboard until [your]0-i turn started . [I]65-slurpee boy had a lot of fun . [I]65-slurpee boy ’m glad [I]65-slurpee boy was chosen . ”[65-slurpee boy] “ It was an easy choice . ”[65-slurpee boy] [He]65-slurpee boy sets [his]65-slurpee boy Slurpee cup down . “ [Everyone]2071-everyone , this is [Lia]168-lia . [Lia]168-lia , that ’s [Harley]71-harley , [Jarome]72-jarome , [Christine]73-christine , and [Imani]74-imani . ”[65-slurpee boy] From where [they]274-they ’re seated at the coffee table , [they]274-they all raise [their]274-they hands for a brief hello and then return to the gameboard . “ Yeah , [they]274-they ’re not really social . ”[274-they] “ Well , good thing [I]0-i did n’t come here to socialize . ”[0-i] [I]0-i rub [my]0-i hands together . “ [I]68-breaker came to play . ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker chuckles and then reaches for [his]68-breaker Slurpee again . “ Then what are [we]2082-we waiting for ? Game on . ”[68-breaker] * * * [I]0-i stare [Breaker]68-breaker down and then glance at the last two tiles on [my]0-i shelf . [He]68-breaker has one tile left . [The room]250-the room has cleared out . [The rest of [the SSS]246-the sss]276-the rest of the sss has left , claiming early morning classes . “ [Your]0-i move , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says while purposely running [his]68-breaker finger over [his]68-breaker mustache . [I]0-i ’d dominated this entire game until about three moves ago when [he]68-breaker somehow pulled out an eighty - point word , completely shattering [my]0-i lead . “ [I]68-breaker know it ’s [my]68-breaker move . ”[68-breaker] “ Really , because [you]68-breaker ’ve been sitting there catatonic for at least five minutes . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker ’m making sure [I]68-breaker have the right move . ”[68-breaker] “ Or any move at all . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker leans back on the sofa , a smug look painted across [his]68-breaker face . “ [I]68-breaker have a move . ”[68-breaker] “ One that wo n’t win [you]0-i the game , though , right ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker presses . [He]68-breaker knows [he]68-breaker has this game . It ’s evident in [his]68-breaker cocky disposition . “ [You]0-i know , it ’s not polite to gloat . ”[68-breaker] “ This coming from [the girl who was dancing only a few minutes ago because [she]2083-the girl who was dancing only a few minutes ago because she had a tremendous lead on me had a tremendous lead on [me]0-i]2083-the girl who was dancing only a few minutes ago because she had a tremendous lead on me . ”[0-i] [I]0-i slowly look up at [him]68-breaker and , in a deadpan voice , say , “ It will behoove [you]68-breaker to know that [I]0-i can dish it , but [I]0-i ca n’t take it . ”[0-i] [He]68-breaker lets out a low chuckle as [I]0-i reluctantly place an E after a W for a measly five points . “ Nice move . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker stares down at [his]68-breaker single tile and then lifts it dramatically , only to place an S after [Huzzah]75-huzzah , giving [him]68-breaker thirty - one points . “ But not good enough . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker leans back again and crosses [his]68-breaker leg over [his]68-breaker knee . “ [I]68-breaker win . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i groan and flop backward onto the floor . Staring up at [[his]68-breaker model airplane]278-his model airplane , [I]0-i say , “ [I]0-i had [you]68-breaker . ”[0-i] “ Never celebrate too early . [You]68-breaker never know what can happen at the end of a Scrabble game . ”[0-i] “ That ’s such a cheap move by the way , holding on to an S to the very end . ”[0-i] “ How did [you]0-i know [I]0-i was holding on to it ? ”[0-i] “ Because [I]0-i watched [you]68-breaker pick up the tile a while ago and set it to the side . ”[0-i] “ Do n’t tell [me]0-i [you]68-breaker ’re [one of [those players]2085-those players]2084-one of those players . [The one who counts the tiles]2086-the one who counts the tiles and knows what [everyone]2071-everyone could possibly have . ”[0-i] “ Not to that extent , but [I]0-i watched [you]68-breaker baby that tile and not touch it until now . [You]68-breaker saved it on purpose . ”[0-i] “ When [you]68-breaker ’re trailing by eighty points , [you]68-breaker have to be strategic , and [I]0-i was . No shame in playing the game . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i hate to admit it since [you]68-breaker won , but it was a good game . [I]0-i enjoyed the challenge . ”[0-i] “ It was a good game . [You]68-breaker ’re going to fit in nicely here . ”[279-he] [He]279-he starts picking up the board , and [I]0-i lift to help [him]279-he . “ [Your]279-he application said [you]279-he ’re majoring in research and statistics . What ’s the plan after college ? ”[0-i] “ Getting [my]279-he master ’s and then becoming [a survey research specialist]2088-a survey research specialist . ”[279-he] [He]279-he pauses . “ That ’s really specific , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says . “ And not a job [you]68-breaker hear on a list of what [you]68-breaker want to be when [you]68-breaker grow up . ”[68-breaker] “ Not so much , but [I]68-breaker ’ve always been into surveys . Growing up , [I]68-breaker loved filling them out . [I]68-breaker spent a great deal of time filling out every survey [[my]68-breaker parents]2089-my parents came across . [I]68-breaker loved the idea of [someone]2072-someone being able to listen to [me]68-breaker and gather information to make a change . And of course , [I]68-breaker would make surveys on [my]68-breaker own , handwritten ones on construction paper , and pass them around at family gatherings to see how [everyone]2071-everyone enjoyed [themselves]2071-everyone . Then [I]68-breaker would draw up a report and send out an end - of - the - year letter , showing [everyone]2071-everyone where [we]2093-we excelled and where [we]2093-we could improve . ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker smirks . “ And did [you]68-breaker find out anything constructive from these family surveys ? ”[68-breaker] “ Yes . ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod as [I]0-i hand [him]68-breaker the last few tiles that need to be picked up . “ Whenever [[my]0-i uncle]2094-my uncle [Steve]76-uncle steve decided to take [his]76-uncle steve pants off after dinner , it always led to [him]76-uncle steve doing the invisible hula hoop on top of the cleared - off dining table — which [no one]2095-no one relished . [I]0-i made sure to convey this to [the family]2096-the family and [Uncle Steve]76-uncle steve , but unfortunately , [I]0-i have no control over [their]2096-the family behavior . [I]0-i can only survey what needs to change . Changes are made from within . ”[0-i] “ [Uncle Steve]76-uncle steve sounds like a good time . ”[0-i] “ [He]76-uncle steve had a mustache . . . and [he]76-uncle steve ’s known as [the pervert in [the family]2096-the family]2097-the pervert in the family . So yeah , maybe [[you]2099-you two]2100-you two would get along . ”[68-breaker] “ Not [a pervert]2101-a pervert , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says while packing up the rest of the game . “ That has yet to be determined . ”[68-breaker] “ Can [we]2100-you two make a quick assessment because [I]68-breaker can assure [you]0-i , [I]68-breaker ’m not [a pervert]2101-a pervert . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker sets the board game to the side and then leans back on [his]68-breaker futon while [I]0-i press [my]0-i weight on [my]0-i hands behind [me]0-i . [I]0-i should probably leave . [Everyone else]280-everyone else has , but for some reason , [I]0-i feel comfortable [here]249-here , and [I]0-i do n’t want to leave just yet . “ If [you]0-i wish . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker touches [his]68-breaker nose and points at [me]0-i . “ [I]68-breaker believe the phrase [you]0-i ’re reaching for is , as [you]0-i wish . ”[68-breaker] “ [Princess Bride fan]2103-princess bride fan , are [we]2104-we ? ”[68-breaker] “ What ’s there not to be a fan of ? Revenge , swords , master tales of times before . It ’s got it all . Not to mention . . . [Fred Savage]77-fred savage . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker actually agree , which puts a check mark in [your]0-i column of not being [a pervert]2101-a pervert . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker fist - pumps to [himself]68-breaker , which makes [me]0-i chuckle . “ But that ’s only one check mark . There are more questions . ”[68-breaker] “ Hit [me]68-breaker . Watch [me]68-breaker pass with flying colors . ”[68-breaker] “ [We]2104-we shall see about that . Have [you]0-i ever , since [you]0-i ’ve donned the mustache , peeped into [someone]2072-someone ’s window , preferably the sex [you]0-i ’re attracted to ? ”[68-breaker] “ That would be [women]2055-women , and no . ”[68-breaker] “ Good answer . Next question , have [you]0-i ever felt the need to walk into [the ladies ’ room]2108-the ladies ’ room because [you]0-i wanted to take a gander ? ”[68-breaker] “ [I]0-i ’ve heard there are way more stalls , which [I]0-i ’m jealous of because sometimes [I]0-i just like to sit and pee . But no , [I]0-i have not . ”[0-i] [My]0-i brows pull together . “ Sit and pee ? ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker shrugs . “ [I]68-breaker get lazy . ”[68-breaker] “ Okay , seems like more work to sit down and pee , but to each [their]2109-their own . One more question . Have [you]0-i ever started a club for [men with mustaches]2110-men with mustaches and purchased mini mustache combs and creams so [you]0-i can have mustache care parties ? ”[68-breaker] “ Wow , now that sounds like a good fucking time , but no , [I]68-breaker have not . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker drapes [his]68-breaker arms along the back of the futon . “ So . . . have [you]0-i deduced that [I]68-breaker ’m not [a pervert]2101-a pervert ? ”[68-breaker] “ Temporarily . [I]68-breaker ’m putting [you]0-i on probation . ”[68-breaker] “ That ’s fair . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker places one leg over the other . “ But [I]68-breaker do need to ask a few rapid - fire questions , just to double - check . ”[68-breaker] “ Hit [me]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] “ [Favorite singer or band]2112-favorite singer or band ? ”[68-breaker] “ [Blondie]78-blondie . ”[68-breaker] “ Really ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , surprised . “ Yup . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker pops the P , looking so relaxed that , in return , [he]68-breaker makes [me]0-i feel comfortable . “ Obsessed . ”[68-breaker] “ Okay , good answer . How about favorite candy ? ”[68-breaker] “ Smarties because [I]0-i ’m smart , and [I]0-i think [they]2113-they make [me]0-i feel extra clever . ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle . “ [I]0-i guess that ’s a good reason . Favorite TV show ? ”[0-i] “ Wonder Years . [Hence]79-hence , [the Fred Savage]77-fred savage comment earlier . Love [him]77-fred savage . Second to [Wonder Years]80-wonder years is [Boy Meets World]81-boy meets world , as fuck , did [I]68-breaker crush on [Topanga]82-topanga so goddamn hard . And of course , [Cory]83-cory is [[my]68-breaker man]2114-my man crush . ”[68-breaker] “ Fan of [the Savage brothers]2115-the savage brothers ? ”[68-breaker] “ [They]2115-the savage brothers ’re [my]0-i ride or die . ”[0-i] “ Makes [you]0-i seem very relatable . ”[282-his] [He]282-his drags [his]282-his finger over [his]282-his mustache as [he]282-his says , “ Stick around , [Lia]168-lia . [You]168-lia ’ll see just how relatable [a finance major]2116-a finance major with a penchant to crash [[his]2116-a finance major model airplane]278-his model airplane every time [he flies]2118-he flies [it]278-his model airplane is . ”[282-his] “ [I]0-i always thought [Shawn]84-shawn was whiny . ”[0-i] “ Join [the club]2119-the club , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says with an eye roll . “ Thoughts on [Mr. Turner]85-mr. turner ’s mullet ? ”[68-breaker] “ Hot , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ So if [I]0-i were to , let ’s say . . . grow this hair out to be a mullet , what would [your]282-his thoughts be on that ? ”[0-i] “ Pitiful , get [your]0-i own look . ”[282-his] [He]282-his chuckles . “ [Man]2061-man , [you]2061-man sure know how to bring [a man]2121-a man down to [his]2121-a man knees . ”[282-his] “ Apparently , it ’s what [I]0-i do best . ”[0-i] “ Apparently , [I]282-his like that about [you]0-i , though . ”[282-his] [He]282-his moves [his]282-his teeth over [his]282-his lip before saying , “ So , [Lia]168-lia , what did [you]168-lia think about tonight ? Have fun ? ”[282-his] “ [I]0-i had a lot of fun . ”[0-i] Not wanting to sound like too much of [a loser]283-a loser , [I]0-i gently say , “ It ’s been hard meeting [people]2122-people here , [you]282-his know , [people who are on the same level as [me]0-i]2123-people who are on the same level as me . [I]0-i just recently transferred , so not coming in as [a freshman and making friends]2124-a freshman and making friends has been a challenge . [Although”—I]86-although”—i[0-i] glance around [his]282-his room—“I do feel comfortable [here]249-here , despite [these dwellings]2126-these dwellings belonging to a mustache . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’m going to take that as a compliment . And meeting [new people]2127-new people is hard . Took [me]0-i a second to figure it all out too . [They]2128-they always say college is where [you]282-his get to reinvent [yourself]282-his and find [like - minded people]2129-like - minded people . Well , [they]2128-they do n’t tell [you]282-his it does n’t happen immediately . [I]0-i ’m [a junior]2130-a junior now and feel like [I]0-i ’ve just hit [my]0-i stride . ”[0-i] “ Same . [No one]2095-no one seems to like spending countless hours poring over a game of Scrabble or knitting hats for cats . ”[282-his] “ Hats for cats ? ”[282-his] “ Quite fetching . [I]0-i sell them to [old ladies who think dressing up [their]2132-old ladies who think dressing up their cats cats]2132-old ladies who think dressing up their cats is fun . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ Started it for some side cash , but now , [I]0-i ’m invested . But yeah , tonight reminded [me]0-i that there are [like - minded people out there for [me]0-i]2133-like - minded people out there for me , making [me]0-i feel like [myself]0-i for the first time in a long time . ”[0-i] [His]284-i expression softens . “ [I]284-i ’m glad , [Lia]168-lia . ”[284-i] [He]284-i strokes the hair under [his]284-i nose and says , “ [I]284-i bet a lot of [you]0-i feeling comfortable has to do with the mustache . ”[284-i] “ It ’s not the mustache , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer with feigned irritation . [He]284-i chuckles . “ Do [you]0-i have [a boyfriend]2134-a boyfriend ? ”[284-i] When [I]0-i eye [him]284-i skeptically , [he]284-i holds [his]284-i hand up . “ Not because [I]284-i ’m getting all pervy on [you]0-i , just genuinely curious . ”[284-i] “ [I]284-i did until [he]2134-a boyfriend broke up with [me]284-i and told [me]284-i [I]284-i was lame because [I]284-i started a fan fiction for [Supernatural]87-supernatural . [I]284-i was into different things than [he]2134-a boyfriend was , so it was hard to connect . Does n’t seem like [I]284-i can find [many people at all who understand the desire to make [Sam]88-sam and [Dean]89-dean]2135-many people at all who understand the desire to make sam and dean not [brothers , but rather . . . secret lovers]2136-brothers , but rather . . . secret lovers . ”[284-i] [His]284-i eyes widen , and [he]284-i lowers both legs to the ground as [he]284-i says , “ Hold the fuck on . . . [you]0-i ’re [the author of Lovers]2137-the author of lovers , [Not Brothers]2138-not brothers ? ”[284-i] “ Wait . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sit up taller . “ [You]0-i ’ve heard of it ? ”[0-i] “ Heard of it ? ”[284-i] [he]284-i nearly shouts and then lowers [his]284-i body to the ground , so now [we]285-we ’re at eye level . “ [Lia]168-lia , that shit is addicting . [I]284-i ’m not even gay , but [Jesus Christ]90-jesus christ , [their]2139-their first kiss was the best fucking thing [I]284-i ’ve ever read . [I]284-i had actual sweat forming on the back of [my]284-i neck while [Dean]89-dean slowly rubbed [his]89-dean nose along [Sam]88-sam ’s jaw , waiting for the cue that [Sam]88-sam was ready . And then . . . when [their]2139-their mouths collided , [I]284-i let out a fucking wallop of a cheer . The sexual tension was unnerving . ”[284-i] “ And [you]0-i did n’t think it was weird that [we]285-we know [them]2139-their as [brothers]2140-brothers in real life ? ”[286-i] “ Is n’t that what fan fiction is all about ? Creating a world that ’s separate from the original ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ [You]286-i get it . ”[0-i] “ Of course [I]286-i get it . [I]286-i ’m not [a moron]2141-a moron . ”[286-i] [He]286-i pushes [his]286-i hand through [his]286-i shaggy hair . “ [Christ]90-jesus christ , [you]284-i need to write some more . That was some good shit . [I]286-i ’ll never forget the scene when [Dean]89-dean is naked , gripping [his]89-dean penis , and singing Eye of the Tiger to [Sam]88-sam as [he]89-dean closes in . ”[286-i] [He]286-i kisses the tips of [his]286-i fingers . “ [Chef]91-chef ’s kiss . ”[286-i] Jokingly , [I]0-i ask , “ Are [you]286-i fanboying over [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] “ Got a problem with that ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head , then whisper , “ [I]0-i ca n’t believe [you]286-i ’ve read it . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ca n’t believe [you]286-i wrote it . ”[0-i] And then [we]287-we stare at [each other]288-each other for a few moments . Silence fills [the room]250-the room , an unspoken truth forming between [us]287-we — this is the start of something new . “ [Breaker]68-breaker ? ”[0-i] “ Yeah ? ”[0-i] Shyly , [I]0-i ask , “ Will [you]286-i be [[my]0-i friend]2142-my friend ? ”[0-i] That smile of [his]286-i [I]0-i ’ve grown to know tonight widens . “ Are [you]286-i asking [me]286-i to start a . . . friendship with [you]286-i ? ”[286-i] “ [I]286-i believe [I]286-i am . Is that weird ? [I]286-i mean , [we]287-we barely know [each other]288-each other . [I]286-i find [your]286-i mustache absolutely repulsive , but [our]287-we commonalities are endless at this point . The fact [we]287-we can agree that [the Winchester brothers]2144-the winchester brothers being [lovers]2145-lovers is erotic is unprecedented . [I]286-i believe that means [we]287-we need to be [friends]2146-friends . ”[286-i] [He]286-i slowly nods . “ [I]286-i believe it ’s imperative . ”[286-i] [I]0-i hold up [my]0-i hand . “ And [friends]2146-friends only because that mustache has ruined any sexual feeling [I]0-i might have toward [you]286-i . ”[0-i] “ [I]286-i understand . [I]286-i knew the risks of what could happen if [I]286-i adorned facial hair solely along [my]286-i upper lip . ”[286-i] [He]286-i holds [his]286-i hand out . “ [Friends]2146-friends ? ”[286-i] [I]0-i take [his]286-i hand in [mine]0-i . “ [Friends]2146-friends . ”[0-i] Chapter One BREAKER Present day . . . “ Got somewhere important to be ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks [me]0-i from across [the plane]290-the plane , [his]92-jp eyes fixed on [my]0-i bouncing leg . “ Just eager to get the hell away from [you]92-jp , ”[92-jp] [I]0-i answer , a typical brother response . “ Cute . ”[92-jp] [He]92-jp lets out a deep sigh . “ [I]92-jp hate being away from [Kelsey]113-kelsey , but the trip to [New York]4-new york was good , right ? Setting up [[our]291-our second [rent - controlled building]2151-rent - controlled building]2150-our second rent - controlled building feels good . ”[92-jp] A few months ago , [JP]92-jp approached [me]0-i and [[our]291-our other brother]292-our other brother , [Huxley]92-jp , about utilizing [our]291-our fortune for good and offering [some rent - controlled buildings in [major cities]294-major cities]293-some rent - controlled buildings in major cities . [The buildings]295-the buildings would offer [a safe , clean , and fresh place to live]296-a safe , clean , and fresh place to live , providing assistance to [those who might need it]297-those who might need it — like daycare facilities for [single parents]298-single parents , financial classes , and access to a market with wholesale food . The point of the project is to help [those who need it the most]299-those who need it the most . It ’s been a successful and rewarding venture . “ It does feel good , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i pull [my]0-i phone from [my]0-i pocket while [the plane]290-the plane taxis to [the bunker]301-the bunker . [I]0-i open the text thread [I]0-i have with [Lia]168-lia , and [I]0-i shoot [her]168-lia a quick text . Breaker : [Landed]5-landed . Picking up the goods . [You]302-you have everything cued up and ready to go ? [My]0-i phone buzzes right away with a reply . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i ’ve been ready , just waiting on [you]302-you . [Breaker]68-breaker : Sorry , poor weather held [us]303-us up . Be there soon . “ Who are [you]0-i texting over [there]2152-there ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks , trying to get a look at [my]0-i phone . “ [Lia]168-lia , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ Ahhh , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp announces with realization heavy in [his]92-jp tone . “ That ’s why [you]0-i ’re so eager to get off [the plane]290-the plane . [You]0-i want to go spend time with [[your]0-i girl]2154-your girl . ”[92-jp] “ First of all , [she]168-lia ’s not [[my]92-jp girl]2155-my girl , [she]168-lia ’s [[my]92-jp best friend]2156-my best friend , and if [I]92-jp have to keep saying that to [you]0-i , [I]92-jp ’m going to fucking explode . And secondly , [she]168-lia just got a brand - new glass Yahtzee that [we]2157-we ’ve been dying to play . ”[92-jp] “ Glass Yahtzee ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks . “ That seems like an extremely bad idea . Is n’t the point of [Yahtzee]93-glass yahtzee to shake the dice ? ”[92-jp] “ Yes , but this presents another level of a challenge : shake the dice without breaking the cup . ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp stares at [me]0-i , [his]92-jp face devoid of expression . “ [You]0-i ’re going to slice [your]0-i hands open . Does this glass Yahtzee come with a warning ? ”[92-jp] “ Yes , of course . It ’s a play - at - [your]0-i - own - risk situation . And [we]2157-we want to risk it . Do n’t worry , though . [Lia]168-lia has prepared a hard surface with a blanket . [We]2157-we ’re being smart . ”[92-jp] “ Being smart would not be playing [glass Yahtzee]93-glass yahtzee , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp mutters while shaking [his]92-jp head . “ Do not call [me]92-jp when [you]0-i need stitches . ”[92-jp] “ Not like [you]0-i would answer the phone if [I]92-jp did . ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp rolls [his]92-jp eyes in a dramatic fashion . “ [I]92-jp ’m [a newlywed]2158-a newlywed , for fuck ’s sake . Sorry if [I]92-jp want to spend every waking moment with [[my]92-jp wife]2159-my wife . ”[92-jp] “ [I]0-i do n’t think [you]92-jp actually are sorry , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say just as [the plane]290-the plane parks and [the flight attendant]305-the flight attendant opens the door and lets down [the stairs]306-the stairs . [I]0-i gather [my]0-i bag and move past [JP]92-jp to the exit , where [I]0-i stop suddenly . [Huxley]92-jp , [[our]307-our older brother]308-our older brother , steps out of [[his]92-jp car]309-his car , shuts the door , and leans against it with [his]92-jp arms crossed . Sunglasses cover [his]92-jp eyes , but it does n’t hide the scowl on [his]92-jp forehead or the tension [he]92-jp ’s wearing under [his]92-jp perfectly tailored suit . “ Uh , [JP]92-jp ? Why is [Huxley]92-jp here , looking like [he]92-jp ’s ready to kill ? ”[92-jp] “ What ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks as [he]92-jp moves toward [the exit]310-the exit as well . [He]92-jp pokes [his]92-jp head out and says , “ [I]92-jp do n’t know . Did [he]92-jp text [us]312-us ? ”[92-jp] Instead of exiting [the plane]290-the plane to see what the issue is , [we]312-us both search through [our]312-us phones for a text message or email and come up short . “ Nothing , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Fuck , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ That only means one thing . Whatever [he]92-jp needs to tell [us]312-us , [he]92-jp does n’t want to be traced . ”[92-jp] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [Dude]2160-dude , [you]2160-dude ’ve been watching too many secret operative shows . That is not why [he]92-jp ’s here in person . Maybe . . . maybe it ’s good news . Maybe [he]92-jp has something special to tell [us]312-us and wants to see [our]312-us reactions in person . ”[0-i] “ How does it feel living in a realm where unicorn crap tastes like strawberry ice cream ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp gestures toward [Huxley]92-jp . “ Look at [him]92-jp , the scowl . [He]92-jp ’s not here to pet [our]312-us heads and tell [us]312-us what [good boys]2161-good boys [we]312-us ’ve been . Clearly , [we]312-us fucked up somehow . Just have to figure out how . ”[92-jp] “ Will [you]312-us two get the fuck down here and stop gabbing ? ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp yells . “ [Dude]2160-dude , [my]92-jp balls just shivered , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says , gripping [my]0-i shoulder . “ [My]92-jp penis totally just turtled . ”[92-jp] [I]0-i step to the side and push [JP]92-jp forward . “ [You]92-jp first , [you]92-jp ’re older . [You]92-jp ’ve experienced more life than [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Barely , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says , trying to move [me]0-i toward the exit first , but [I]0-i plant [my]0-i feet on the floor and hold steady . Since [JP]92-jp ’s been married , [I]0-i ’ve spent more time at [the gym]313-the gym while [he]92-jp ’s spent more time in [Kelsey]113-kelsey — with all due respect — so [I]0-i have a few pounds of muscle over [him]92-jp at the moment . “ Just get out there before [he]92-jp gets even madder . ”[0-i] [I]0-i push at [JP]92-jp . “ [You]92-jp know how [he]92-jp hates when [we]2163-we — in [his]92-jp terms — clown around . ”[0-i] “ Quit clowning around , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp yells . “ See , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper - shout . “ Do n’t push [me]92-jp , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says , leaning [his]92-jp weight into [me]0-i , [his]92-jp back to [my]0-i chest . “ [You]0-i ’re going to make [me]92-jp tumble down the stairs . ”[92-jp] “ Oh , good idea . If [you]0-i tumble down , then there ’s a good chance [you]0-i could get injured , and whatever [he]92-jp ’s here for will be put on a momentary pause while [we]2163-we assess [your]0-i injuries . That will give [us]2163-we some thinking time . And maybe if [you]0-i ’re willing to break a bone , that will grant [us]2163-we at least a few days . ”[92-jp] “ Oh yeah , let [me]92-jp just throw [myself]92-jp down the stairs . ”[92-jp] “ That ’s the spirit , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say while patting [him]92-jp on the back . “ Close [your]92-jp eyes . It will be over in a second . ”[0-i] “ [Jesus Christ]90-jesus christ , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp mutters before [he]92-jp makes [his]92-jp way down [the stairs]306-the stairs . [I]0-i follow closely . “ Oh , [I]0-i see , going to fall closer to the ground . Smart . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’m not going to fall , [[you]92-jp idiot]2164-you idiot . ”[0-i] When [we]315-we reach the ground , [Huxley]92-jp opens the back car door to [his]92-jp Tesla S and says , “ Get in . ”[92-jp] [I]0-i can hear [JP]92-jp gulp as [I]0-i say , “ [You]92-jp sure [you]92-jp do n’t want to at least fake an injury ? ”[0-i] “ [I]92-jp think it ’s too late , [man]2061-man , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says as [he]92-jp climbs into [the car]316-the car , and [I]0-i follow . Once [we]315-we ’re in the back , [Huxley]92-jp slams the door , causing [JP]92-jp and [me]0-i to flinch . When [Huxley]92-jp climbs in the front seat , [he]92-jp does n’t bother to look at [us]315-we . Instead , [he]92-jp grips the steering wheel and lets out a long , pent - up breath . A sigh of discontent . Great . After a few seconds , [he]92-jp turns to face [us]315-we and says , “ Has [Taylor]94-taylor been in touch with [you]0-i ? ”[92-jp] “ [Taylor]94-taylor , as in [[our]315-we lawyer]2166-our lawyer ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks . “ Yes , [[our]315-we lawyer]2166-our lawyer . ”[92-jp] [We]315-we shake [our]315-we heads . “ No , [I]0-i have n’t gotten anything , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ What ’s going on ? ”[0-i] [JP]92-jp asks , [his]92-jp voice growing serious . “ [We]315-we ’re being sued for misconduct in [the workplace]2168-the workplace . ”[92-jp] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shout . “ By whom ? ”[0-i] [Huxley]92-jp lifts [his]92-jp sunglasses , and [his]92-jp eyes narrow in on [me]0-i . “ [[Your]92-jp former employee]2169-your former employee . ”[92-jp] “ Uh , excuse [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i blink a few times . “ What the hell for ? ”[0-i] “ Let ’s see , hostile work environment and wrongful termination . ”[92-jp] “ Wait . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head , trying to get a grip on what [he]92-jp ’s saying . “ Who the hell was this ? ”[0-i] “ [Gemma Shoemacher]95-gemma . ”[92-jp] “ [Shoemacher]95-gemma ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , eyes wide and disbelief heavy in [my]0-i tone . “ As in [the girl who would secretly slip into [[my]0-i office]2171-my office , rearrange [my]0-i shit , hang up pictures of [[her]2170-the girl who would secretly slip into my office , rearrange my shit , hang up pictures of her relatives , decorate for holidays , and then just leave relatives]2172-her relatives , decorate for holidays , and then just leave]2170-the girl who would secretly slip into my office , rearrange my shit , hang up pictures of her relatives , decorate for holidays , and then just leave ? [The absolute psycho who would corner [me]0-i in [the break room]2174-the break room and ask [me]0-i when [my]0-i next dentist appointment was so [she]2170-the girl who would secretly slip into my office , rearrange my shit , hang up pictures of her relatives , decorate for holidays , and then just leave could watch [me]0-i get [my]0-i teeth cleaned]2173-the absolute psycho who would corner me in the break room and ask me when my next dentist appointment was so she could watch me get my teeth cleaned ? The girl who made [me]0-i [an advent calendar for Christmas and inside each box]2175-an advent calendar for christmas and inside each box was homemade thumbnail drawings of [me]0-i ? [That girl]2176-that girl ? ”[0-i] “ Were the drawings good ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks . “ How the fuck is that relevant ? ”[92-jp] [I]0-i ask [him]92-jp , losing [my]0-i temper . [JP]92-jp shrugs . “ Just genuinely curious . ”[92-jp] “ [I]0-i mean . . . watercolor on a small surface is quite difficult , so maybe — ”[0-i] “ Enough about the paintings , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ This is fucking serious . Not only has [she]2176-that girl sued [us]2177-we , but [she]2176-that girl ’s also soiling [our]2177-we reputation on social media . [She]2176-that girl ’s spreading lies about how [we]2177-we conduct business and how [Breaker]68-breaker created a hostile environment for [her]2176-that girl and berated [her]2176-that girl in front of [fellow employees]2178-fellow employees . ”[92-jp] “ That ’s not fucking true , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [I]0-i was never hostile , even when [she]2176-that girl ‘ accidentally ’ tripped [me]0-i while [I]0-i was holding [my]0-i morning coffee . [I]0-i ’ve been nothing but kind to [that woman]2179-that woman , and the reason [she]2176-that girl was let go was that [we]2177-we found out [she]2176-that girl was the one going around to [[everyone]2071-everyone ’s office]2181-everyone ’s office and stealing [their]2071-everyone daily to - do lists . [She]2176-that girl had a whole collection of them filed away in [her]2176-that girl desk . ”[0-i] “ Well , [she]2176-that girl ’s spinning a story and attacking [our]2177-we business , and unfortunately , [she]2176-that girl ’s getting attention . ”[92-jp] “ What does that mean ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ It means , because [she]2176-that girl ’s using the right platforms , [she]2176-that girl ’s getting tons of views and now , media coverage . This has happened in the past twenty - four hours . ”[0-i] “ How the hell does that happen ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks . [Huxley]92-jp shakes [his]92-jp head . “ No fucking clue , but [we]2177-we ’re fielding calls about it . [Lottie]96-lottie said [she]2176-that girl heard [some employees]2182-some employees talking about it in [the break room]2174-the break room before quieting down as [she]2176-that girl entered . [We]2177-we ’re losing credibility by the second . ”[92-jp] “ Because [someone]2072-someone is lying , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , anger heavy in [my]0-i voice . “ Yes , but [the public]2185-the public seems to be clinging to [her]2176-that girl story . Therefore , [we]2177-we need to take action while [Taylor]94-taylor and [[his]94-taylor team]2186-his team gather evidence for a countersuit . [She]2176-that girl has no leg to stand on , no evidence , just [her]2176-that girl word and [[her]2176-that girl friend who does n’t work for [us]2177-we]2187-her friend who does n’t work for us anymore . But [we]2177-we have security footage , [we]2177-we have the evidence that [you]2188-you ’ve gathered , [Breaker]68-breaker , over time , and [we]2177-we have all of [her]2176-that girl social media posts that have been screen recorded . Defamation will be what takes [her]2176-that girl down . ”[0-i] “ Okay , so . . . what should [we]2177-we do ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ For one , [you]2188-you need to take a step back . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i roar . “ No fucking way . [I]0-i ’m not resigning because [someone]2072-someone spreads lies about [me]0-i . That makes [me]0-i look guilty , and [I]0-i ’m not guilty . [I]0-i ’ve been nothing but respectful and professional to [that woman]2179-that woman . ”[0-i] “ [I]92-jp ’m not talking about resigning , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says , [his]92-jp jaw growing tight . “ [We]2177-we just need [you]2188-you to take . . . a mandatory vacation . Just so it looks like [we]2177-we ’re doing the right thing while [we]2177-we investigate [her]2176-that girl allegations , which means [you]2188-you need to not be in [the office]2191-the office . ”[92-jp] “ That ’s bullshit — ”[0-i] “ [He]92-jp ’s right , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ If this was with [any other employee]2192-any other employee , [we]2177-we ’d ask [them]2192-any other employee to go on sabbatical while [we]2177-we investigate the allegations . [You]2188-you should n’t be treated any different . ”[92-jp] “ But [I]0-i did n’t fucking do anything , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [We]2177-we know , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ But just because [we]2177-we know [you]2188-you ’re innocent does n’t mean [everyone]2071-everyone will believe it . [We]2177-we ’re in sensitive waters here , and [we]2177-we need to make sure [we]2177-we exercise due diligence in the investigation . If [we]2177-we do this right , conduct the investigation correctly , then hopefully it will set a precedent for [any future employees who try to do the same]2194-any future employees who try to do the same . ”[92-jp] “ [I]92-jp ’m afraid to say it , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp adds , “ but [he]92-jp ’s right , [man]2061-man . ”[92-jp] [I]0-i glance back and forth between [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers , letting [their]317-my brothers common sense sink in . “ Fuck , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter as [I]0-i lean back against the seat and push [my]0-i hand through [my]0-i hair . “ It ’s for the best , [Breaker]68-breaker , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ And while [you]68-breaker ’re gone , [we]2196-we ’ll be sure to split up [your]68-breaker responsibilities between [me]92-jp and [JP]92-jp . ”[92-jp] “ Hey now , [I]92-jp did n’t agree with that , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says but then quickly quiets when [Huxley]92-jp gives [him]92-jp a scathing look . “ It wo n’t be for long . Maybe a week or two , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ In the meantime , if [we]2196-we have questions , [we]2196-we ’ll communicate in person . [I]92-jp do n’t want to leave any sort of paper trail . ”[92-jp] “ So then what the hell am [I]0-i supposed to do for the next one to two weeks ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Maybe help [Lia]168-lia with [her]168-lia knitting , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ [I]92-jp know [you]0-i know how to knit . ”[92-jp] [I]0-i glance at [Huxley]92-jp , and [he]92-jp says , “ Knitting might keep [you]0-i busy . ”[92-jp] “ Fuck off . . . both of [you]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say right before [I]0-i exit [the car]316-the car and head straight for [mine]0-i . * * * “ [Your]0-i food is smelling up [the entire elevator]2197-the entire elevator , ”[97-mrs. gunderson] [Mrs. Gunderson]97-mrs. gunderson says as [she]97-mrs. gunderson stands as far away from [me]0-i as possible , [her]97-mrs. gunderson umbrella tucked under [her]97-mrs. gunderson arm . It barely ever rains in [Los Angeles]6-los angeles , yet [she]97-mrs. gunderson carries around a large black one every day . . . just in case . “ Thank [you]97-mrs. gunderson for pointing that out , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say to [her]97-mrs. gunderson as [the elevator]319-the elevator slows and then beeps , indicating [[our]320-our floor]321-our floor . “ Sarcasm is [the devil]2198-the devil ’s tongue , ”[97-mrs. gunderson] [she]97-mrs. gunderson shoots at [me]0-i before heading toward [her]97-mrs. gunderson door . [I]0-i walk in the opposite way and right past [my]0-i door to [the apartment next to [mine]0-i]322-the apartment next to mine . “ Pre - marital sex is also the way of [the devil]2198-the devil , ”[97-mrs. gunderson] [she]97-mrs. gunderson shouts before walking into [[her]97-mrs. gunderson apartment]323-her apartment . “ [I]0-i hate [that woman]2179-that woman , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter as [I]0-i knock on [Lia]168-lia ’s door three times , kick the footer , and then say , “ Walla - walla - bing - bang . ”[0-i] [Lia]168-lia is quick to open the door , [her]168-lia familiar freckled face easing the tension roaring through [my]0-i body . [I]0-i remember the first time [I]0-i ran into [her]168-lia in [the hallway of [[my]0-i dorm]325-my dorm]324-the hallway of my dorm . [She]168-lia was unsure of [herself]168-lia but also so confident that [she]168-lia could n’t help the things flying out of [her]168-lia mouth . [Her]168-lia vibrant red hair and mossy - green eyes under [her]168-lia purple - rimmed glasses stood out , but it was [her]168-lia pure honesty that really drew [me]0-i to [her]168-lia — unlike [anyone [I]0-i ’ve ever met]326-anyone i ’ve ever met . And now , [I]0-i ca n’t go a day without talking to [her]168-lia . “ [You]0-i did n’t say ching - chang , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says with a smirk . “ [Ching - chang]98-ching - chang was n’t a part of it . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia points [her]168-lia finger accusingly at [me]0-i . “ [I]168-lia knew it . ”[168-lia] Chuckling , [I]0-i open [my]0-i arm that ’s not holding the food and pull [her]168-lia into a hug . “ Missed [you]168-lia . ”[0-i] “ Missed [you]0-i , [Pickle]68-breaker , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says , using [my]0-i nickname that [she]168-lia gave [me]0-i one night after a misspelled pickle during a Scrabble game . “ What took [you]0-i so long ? [I]168-lia started to tear apart the dessert [I]168-lia got [us]327-us . ”[168-lia] “ [You]0-i do n’t want to know . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh , and [we]327-us both walk into [[her]168-lia apartment]323-her apartment . [I]0-i remember the moment [she]168-lia found [this place]329-this place . [She]168-lia ’d been looking for about two days and then came across [this building in [Westwood]7-westwood]330-this building in westwood . [She]168-lia had no idea if [they]331-they had [apartments]332-apartments for rent , but [she]168-lia liked the flowers out front and [the Jamba Juice]8-the jamba juice across [the street]333-the street . [Lo]96-lottie and behold , when [she]168-lia inquired , there were [two apartments right next to [each other]288-each other]334-two apartments right next to each other . [She]168-lia called [me]0-i immediately and told [me]0-i [I]0-i was moving . [We]336-our ’ve lived [here]249-here for the past five years . Whereas [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment has more windows and open space , [[Lia]168-lia ’s]339-lia ’s has more character , with exposed brick on almost every wall . And the way [the individual apartments]340-the individual apartments wrap around , [[our]336-our bedroom]341-our bedroom walls buddy up , and [our]336-our balconies sit across from each other over [the atrium in [the lobby]343-the lobby]342-the atrium in the lobby . “ [I]0-i do want to know what took so long because [glass Yahtzee]93-glass yahtzee can only wait so long , and if [you]0-i ’re raging , [our]336-our game is going to end short . ”[0-i] “ Who says [I]0-i ’m raging ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i set the food on [her]168-lia pristine white kitchen countertop . [I]0-i have the same one , and [we]336-our try to compete on who can keep [theirs]344-theirs whiter . It ’s so stupid , but fuck , [I]0-i think [she]168-lia ’s winning . “ [I]0-i ’ve known [you]0-i for a decade , [Breaker]68-breaker . Pretty sure [I]0-i can tell when [you]0-i ’re simmering in rage . What ’s going on ? ”[0-i] Taking a seat on one of [her]168-lia barstools , [I]0-i rest [my]0-i arms on the counter . “ [I]0-i do n’t want to ruin the night . [I]0-i have n’t seen [you]0-i in over a week , and the last thing [I]0-i want to do is talk about work . ”[0-i] Or lack thereof , thank [you]345-you , [Gemma Shoemacher]95-gemma . “ Yes , and since [I]168-lia have n’t seen [you]0-i in over a week , the last thing [I]168-lia want to do is eat dinner and play a fragile game of Yahtzee with [a grump]2201-a grump . Now tell [me]168-lia what happened so [we]2202-we can move on and have fun . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia sets two plates on the counter and adds , “ [I]168-lia ’ve been planning this night for a few days now . Do not ruin it . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia threateningly points [her]168-lia finger at [me]0-i , which [I]0-i knock away . “ Fine , but [we]346-we ’re not harping on it , okay ? ”[168-lia] [I]0-i drag [my]0-i hand over the back of [my]0-i neck . “ [I]168-lia ’ve thought about it enough on the drive over here . [I]168-lia just want to forget it . ”[168-lia] “ Fine , now spill . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia empties out the carton of lo mein and divides it equally on [our]346-we plates . “ Do [you]0-i remember [that one girl who used to work for [me]168-lia]2203-that one girl who used to work for me , the one who made [me]168-lia that advent calendar ? ”[168-lia] “ Remember [her]2203-that one girl who used to work for me ? [I]0-i still have every picture [she]2203-that one girl who used to work for me drew of [you]0-i in a box in [[my]0-i room]2204-my room . December 17th will forever be [my]0-i favorite . The way [she]168-lia accentuated [your]0-i nostrils was pure perfection . ”[0-i] [My]0-i nostrils resembled two giant life rafts on [my]0-i face , but of course , [Lia]168-lia thought it was the greatest thing [she]168-lia had ever seen . “ [Gemma]95-gemma is [[my]168-lia hero]2205-my hero . [Sad]99-sad [she]95-gemma got so crazy and [you]0-i had to let [her]95-gemma go , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia adds . “ Yeah , well , [she]168-lia ’s suing [us]2206-us now . ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia pauses , smirks , and then shakes [her]168-lia head . “ Oh , [Gemma]95-gemma , bad , bad move . Do n’t mess with [the Cane brothers]2207-the cane brothers and [their]2207-the cane brothers business . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia glances up at [me]0-i . “ What ’s [she]168-lia attempting to get money out of [you]0-i for ? ”[168-lia] “ Claims hostile work environment , beratement from [me]168-lia — ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia lets out a large guffaw . “ Beratement . . . from [you]0-i ? ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia points the fork in [her]168-lia hand at [me]0-i . “ That ’s laughable . [I]168-lia do n’t think [you]0-i could hurt a fly if [you]0-i tried , let alone berate someone in [a workplace]2208-a workplace . ”[168-lia] “ [I]168-lia know . . . but [she]168-lia ’s on some sort of warpath , claiming wrongful termination and all that other bullshit . [She]168-lia ’s posted it on social media and is now getting press attention because [we]347-we ’re [Cane Enterprises]9-cane enterprises . Anything to bring [us]347-we down . ”[168-lia] “ Yeah , but [she]168-lia ’s being [a total moron]2209-a total moron because [you]0-i ca n’t go and make up lies on social media like that ; if [you]0-i ’re caught , [you]0-i ’re effed . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia tops [our]347-we plates off with some General Tso ’s chicken . “ So is [Huxley]92-jp countersuing ? ”[168-lia] “ How do [you]168-lia know that ? ”[168-lia] “ Please . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia licks the sweet yet spicy sauce off [her]168-lia fork . “ [I]168-lia ’ve known [you]0-i and [[your]0-i family]2210-your family long enough to have witnessed the hard work , dedication , and many hours [you]0-i ’ve put into building [Cane Enterprises]9-cane enterprises . No way in hell is [Huxley]92-jp going to let [some stalker — albeit a rather comical one]2211-some stalker — albeit a rather comical one — get away with tarnishing the brand and the business [you]0-i three have spent so long creating . ”[168-lia] “ Yes , [they]9-cane enterprises ’re putting together all the evidence [they]9-cane enterprises need to present [their]9-cane enterprises case . [I]168-lia do n’t think [we]347-we ’re in it for the money because [we]347-we do n’t need it , nor are [we]347-we in the business of putting [people]2122-people in debt , but [Huxley]92-jp wants to set a precedent . Make sure that [people]2122-people know not to fuck with [us]347-we . ”[168-lia] “ Probably smart because [this girl]2214-this girl has opened the door to the possibility of lawsuits , and if [you]0-i end this correctly , [no one]2095-no one will want to go up against [you]0-i . ”[168-lia] “ Yeah , that ’s the plan . ”[168-lia] “ So what ’s the problem ? Sure , maybe [your]0-i ego is slightly tarnished , but when has that ever affected [you]0-i before ? Remember the time in [college]2216-college [you]0-i were mistaken for [the third - best Scrabble player]2217-the third - best scrabble player rather than [the second]2218-the second ? [You]0-i took that like [a champ]2219-a champ . ”[168-lia] “ [You]0-i ’re just full of laughs today , are n’t [you]0-i ? ”[348-she] “ Just trying to cheer [you]0-i up . ”[348-she] [She]348-she pulls two Sprites from [her]348-she fridge and deposits one in front of [me]0-i , and then [she]348-she takes the seat next to [mine]0-i . [Our]349-our shoulders bump as [she]348-she gets comfortable . When [she]348-she picks up [her]348-she fork with [her]348-she left hand , bumping into [my]0-i right , [she]348-she says , “ [You]0-i took the wrong seat . ”[348-she] “ [I]348-she was pre - occupied . Deal with it . ”[348-she] “ Are [you]0-i really going to be grumpy all evening ? [I]348-she was looking forward to a nice night of will [we]349-our slice [our]349-our hands open or will [we]349-our not ? ”[348-she] “ [I]0-i ’m sorry , ”[0-i] [I]0-i huff while pushing the chicken around [my]0-i plate . “ [I]0-i did n’t mention one thing . [The guys]2220-the guys said [I]0-i ca n’t go to work . [I]0-i have to take time off until [they]2220-the guys figure this all out . ”[0-i] “ So what [you]0-i ’re telling [me]348-she is that [you]0-i were just granted a vacation , and [you]0-i ’re complaining about that , why ? ”[348-she] “ Because [people]2122-people will think [I]0-i ’m in trouble or did something wrong when [I]0-i did n’t do anything wrong . [I]0-i ’ve worked hard to maintain genuine relationships with [[my]0-i employees]2222-my employees , and if [I]0-i ’m not there , what will [they]2220-the guys think of [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] “ [I]350-i can see why that would bother [you]0-i , ”[350-i] [she]350-i says . “ [You]0-i do tend to pride [yourself]0-i on the way [you]0-i treat [people]2122-people , and this is a slur to [your]0-i character . ”[350-i] “ Exactly . It ’s really shitty , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , [my]0-i voice growing heavy . “ Hey , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says , turning toward [me]0-i . “ [The people who know [you]0-i will understand the circumstances . [They]2224-the people who know you will understand the circumstances . they know you ’re not some tyrant , running up and down the hallway like a lunatic , yelling at the first person you run into know [you]0-i ’re [not some tyrant]2225-not some tyrant , running up and down [the hallway]262-the hallway like [a lunatic]2227-a lunatic , yelling at [the first person [you]0-i run into]2228-the first person you run into]2224-the people who know you will understand the circumstances . they know you ’re not some tyrant , running up and down the hallway like a lunatic , yelling at the first person you run into . And [the other people]2229-the other people , the ones who might believe [Gemma]95-gemma , well , [they]2229-the other people ’re not people [you]0-i want around [you]0-i anyway . ”[168-lia] “ [I]0-i know [you]168-lia ’re right , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say softly . “ Just ca n’t seem to wrap [my]0-i head around all of it . ”[0-i] [She]168-lia pulls [me]0-i into a hug , and [I]0-i rest [my]0-i head against [hers]168-lia . “ It will be okay . If anything , [Huxley]92-jp is relentless , and [he]92-jp wo n’t rest until [your]0-i name is expunged of any wrongdoing . ”[168-lia] “ [I]168-lia guess so . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia releases [me]0-i , and [I]0-i let out a low breath . “ [I]0-i ’m sorry about all of this . [I]0-i ’m totally bringing down the night . ”[0-i] “ It ’s okay . How about [we]2230-we put [glass Yahtzee]93-glass yahtzee on hold for now in case [you]0-i have intermittent episodes of rage . [We]2230-we ca n’t risk the slivers . Want to play cards out on [the balcony]2231-the balcony ? ”[168-lia] “ Maybe [we]2230-we can watch a show . There ’s a new documentary called [The King of [Kong]11-kong]2232-the king of kong that [I]168-lia want to watch . ”[168-lia] “ Oh , [I]168-lia saw that the other day when [I]168-lia was scrolling through what to watch with [Brian]100-brian , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says , talking about [[her]168-lia boyfriend]351-her boyfriend . “ [I]168-lia suggested it , and [he]351-her boyfriend gave [me]168-lia the side - eye . [We]2230-we ended up watching some sports game . ”[168-lia] “ Some sports game ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i laugh . “ Not even sure what sport ? ”[0-i] “ A ball was involved . ”[168-lia] “ Well , that narrows it down . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia chuckles . “ Either way , [I]168-lia ’d love to watch it . Shall [we]2230-we start it now ? Bring [our]2230-we food over to the couch . ”[168-lia] “ If [you]0-i ’re cool with that . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia tips [my]0-i chin up and , in a gooey voice , says , “ Anything for [my]168-lia pickle . ”[168-lia] * * * “ [Brian]100-brian would have hated that documentary . ”[168-lia] That ’s because [Brian]100-brian is [a douche]352-a douche . But [I]0-i keep that comment to [myself]0-i . “ Yeah , did n’t quite scream something [Brian]100-brian would have enjoyed . ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia shifts and then pokes [my]0-i stomach . “ [You]0-i going to be okay ? [You]0-i ’re usually a little more chatty when [we]2230-we watch documentaries . ”[168-lia] “ Yeah , [I]168-lia was just thinking . [I]168-lia ’ll be good , though . ”[168-lia] “ [You]0-i know , if [you]0-i need to talk about it , [I]168-lia ’m always here . ”[168-lia] “ [I]0-i know . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take [her]168-lia hand in [mine]0-i . “ Thanks , [Lia]168-lia . ”[0-i] [She]168-lia gives it a squeeze . “ [You]0-i ’re welcome . Now get out of here and go to bed . [You]0-i look like trash . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk . “ Can always count on [you]168-lia to deliver the truth . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pull [her]168-lia into a hug and give [her]168-lia a kiss on the top of [her]168-lia head . “ Night , [Lia]168-lia . ”[0-i] “ Night , [Pickle]68-breaker . ”[0-i] [I]0-i let go and then head to [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment just as [she]168-lia closes [her]168-lia door . [I]0-i strip out of [my]0-i clothes , splash some water on [my]0-i face , and then brush [my]0-i teeth . Once [I]0-i ’m ready for bed , [I]0-i plug [my]0-i phone in to charge , slip under [my]0-i covers — naked — and then place [my]0-i hands behind [my]0-i head and stare up at the ceiling . The entire night , [I]0-i kept wondering why [I]0-i was so affected by this . [I]0-i know [Huxley]92-jp will take care of it . [I]0-i ’ve been getting texts from [him]92-jp all night about how [we]354-we ’re going to make sure [Gemma]95-gemma does n’t speak another word about [me]0-i , but even with that reassurance , [I]0-i still feel . . . weird . And [I]0-i think it comes down to [her]95-gemma attack on [my]0-i character . [Gemma]95-gemma attacked the one thing [I]0-i take great pride in , and that ’s being [a good guy]355-a good guy . Between [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers and [me]0-i , [we]354-we all have different personalities . [Huxley]92-jp is [the grump]357-the grump , [the domineering , the take - no - prisoners kind of guy]358-the domineering , the take - no - prisoners kind of guy . [JP]92-jp is [the funny one]359-the funny one , [the easygoing guy]360-the easygoing guy , [the instigator at times]361-the instigator at times . And [me]0-i . . . well , [I]0-i ’m the levelheaded — [the sounding board]362-the sounding board — and [the good guy]363-the good guy . So having [my]0-i name slandered with vehement lies is just so fucking painful . [I]0-i ’ve worked so hard at being above reproach . [Respected . Trusted]101-respected . trusted . And someone [people]2122-people could rely on . For the most part , [I]0-i ’ve accomplished that , but this . . . this just makes [me]0-i think that maybe [I]0-i did n’t . [I]0-i scrub [my]0-i hand down [my]0-i face just as a light tapping comes from the other side of the wall . And just like that , a smile spreads across [my]0-i face . Reaching up to the wall , [I]0-i rap [my]0-i knuckle four times . Like clockwork , [she]365-she knocks three . Four knocks for four letters in love . Three knocks for three letters in [you]366-you . It ’s something [we]367-we ’ve done ever since [we]367-we shared a wall . It ’s a gentle reminder that even though [I]0-i ’m angry , irritated , or even sad , at least [I]0-i have [Lia]168-lia , [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend , [the one person who can so easily put a smile on [my]0-i face]369-the one person who can so easily put a smile on my face . [I]0-i do n’t know what [I]0-i ’d do without [her]168-lia . [I]0-i do n’t even want to think about it . Even when things in [my]0-i life are out of balance , there ’s one very solid , very predictable constant . [Lia]168-lia . Chapter Two [LIA]168-lia “ Morning , ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian says through the phone . “ Just wanted to remind [you]0-i that [we]367-we have lunch with [[my]100-brian mom]2233-my mom this afternoon . ”[100-brian] [I]0-i lift [my]0-i cup of coffee and say , “ Yup , do n’t worry , [I]0-i ’ll be there fifteen minutes early so [she]2233-my mom does n’t have to comment on how [I]0-i ’m there only five minutes early . ”[0-i] “ Be nice , ”[370-him] [he]370-him says . “ [I]370-him ’m . . . [I]370-him ’m — ”[370-him] “ So did [you]370-him tell [him]370-him about [us]367-we last night ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i stare down at the engagement ring sitting on [my]0-i dresser . No , [I]0-i did n’t tell [him]370-him . [Brian]100-brian is not a fan of [Breaker]68-breaker ’s . “ Not yet . It was n’t a good time last night . ”[100-brian] “ [Lia]168-lia , how could it not be a good time to tell [[your]168-lia best friend]2234-your best friend [you]168-lia ’re engaged ? ”[370-him] “ [He]370-him has some really bad things happening at work right now . Like . . . inimical circumstances . [He]370-him found out about it last night . [I]100-brian did n’t think it was appropriate to just spring it on [him]370-him . ”[100-brian] “ What ’s going on ? ”[100-brian] “ Confidential things , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer because even though [Brian]100-brian is [[my]0-i fiancé]371-my fiancé , [Breaker]68-breaker is [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend and deserves [his]68-breaker privacy , especially regarding [his]68-breaker business . “ Anyway , [I]68-breaker ’ll tell [him]370-him soon . ”[68-breaker] “ Okay . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker pauses and then says , “ [You]0-i ’re not avoiding telling [him]370-him for a reason , are [you]0-i ? ”[68-breaker] “ What does that mean ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i move toward [my]0-i desk . Luckily , [I]0-i get to work from [home]373-home since [I]0-i do contract work for [[my]0-i clients]374-my clients , which means [I]0-i have [my]0-i own hours and [[my]0-i own space]375-my own space . [I]0-i ’m not exactly [a people person]376-a people person . “ It means [I]0-i just want to make sure [you]377-i ’re happy about being engaged . It ’s been a week , [Lia]168-lia , and [you]377-i have n’t said anything to [him]377-i . ”[0-i] “ Because [he]377-i ’s been out of [town]2235-town . [I]377-i ’m not about to tell [him]377-i over the phone . It ’s something [I]377-i want to do in [person]2236-person . ”[377-i] “ Okay . . . ”[377-i] [he]377-i says softly , and [I]0-i can tell [he]377-i ’s not happy . “ [Brian]100-brian , [I]377-i ’m going to tell [him]377-i . [I]377-i just want it to be a celebration , not something [I]377-i say in passing or when [he]377-i ’s in a bad mood or out of [town]2235-town . [He]377-i ’ll be happy for [us]2238-we . ”[377-i] “ Are [you]377-i sure ? ”[377-i] “ Why would n’t [he]377-i ? ”[377-i] “ [I]377-i do n’t know . [You]100-brian ’ve just been weird since [I]377-i proposed . ”[377-i] “ Weird , how ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i take a seat on [my]0-i desk chair and slowly start to spin around in circles . “ Well , for one , [we]2238-we ’ve only seen [each other]288-each other twice this past week , and [I]0-i do n’t know , [I]0-i would think that since [we]2238-we ’ve been engaged , [we]2238-we ’d see [each other]288-each other more . And [your]100-brian texting has been sporadic . That ’s why [I]0-i called this morning because [I]0-i wanted to make sure [you]100-brian were going to show up for lunch . ”[0-i] “ [Brian]100-brian , of course [I]377-i ’d show up . ”[377-i] “ [I]0-i just do n’t know , [Lia]168-lia . Seems like [you]100-brian do n’t want to be engaged to [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Stop , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , growing frustrated . “ This is all just so . . . new , okay ? [I]0-i ’m taking it one day at a time . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause as [I]0-i try to word what ’s been spinning through [my]0-i mind over the last seven days . “ [I]0-i may not talk about [them]2241-they as much anymore , but [I]0-i miss [[my]0-i parents]2089-my parents , [Brian]100-brian . [They]2241-they were [[my]0-i world]2243-my world . [They]2241-they should be here with [me]0-i celebrating . Planning . Being goofy and happy with . . . for [me]0-i . But . . . [they]2241-they ’re not here anymore , and that ’s just so hard . So if [I]0-i ’m acting strange , it ’s because [I]0-i ’m feeling . . . [I]0-i do n’t know . . . sad . ”[0-i] “ Oh . ”[378-i] [He]378-i ’s silent again . “ [I]378-i ’m sorry , [Lia]168-lia . [I]378-i did n’t think about it that way . [I]378-i just assumed , [you]168-lia know , since [you]168-lia ’re so close with [Breaker]68-breaker , that maybe something was going on there . ”[378-i] “ [Brian]100-brian , ”[0-i] [I]0-i groan while pressing [my]0-i hand over [my]0-i eyes . “ [I]0-i ’ve told [you]100-brian time and time again , nothing is going on with [Breaker]68-breaker and [me]0-i . Please , please do n’t make this a thing . [I]0-i do n’t want to have to keep saying this to [you]168-lia over and over . [You]168-lia should know [me]0-i well enough that when [I]0-i say something , [I]0-i mean it . ”[0-i] “ [I]379-he know , sorry . Fuck , [Lia]168-lia . . . ”[379-he] [He]379-he blows out a heavy breath . “ It ’s just been a weird week . [I]379-he ’m sorry . ”[379-he] “ It ’s okay . But hey , [I]0-i should open [my]0-i computer and get some work done before lunch . ”[0-i] “ Okay . [I]379-he love [you]168-lia . [I]379-he ’ll see [you]168-lia later . ”[379-he] “ Love [you]168-lia , too , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer before hanging up and setting [my]0-i phone on [my]0-i desk . [I]0-i stare at it for a moment , [my]0-i mind racing . [Brian]100-brian is right . [I]0-i have been off . However , [I]0-i was caught off guard . [I]0-i was n’t expecting [Brian]100-brian to propose . [We]380-we had n’t even talked about it . It felt sort of out of the blue . [He]379-he took [me]0-i out on [a boat]381-a boat for a sunset cruise , dropped down on one knee , and asked [me]0-i to marry [him]379-he . [I]0-i said yes . It was a beautiful proposal . The ring is huge . Bigger than anything [I]0-i would ever need in [my]0-i life , and even though it ’s stunning , it does n’t feel right sitting on [my]0-i finger . None of it feels right , and [I]0-i do n’t know if it ’s because [I]0-i ’m struggling with [[my]0-i parents]2089-my parents not being around for one of the most significant moments of [my]0-i life or if [I]0-i ’m struggling because even though everything about the proposal was magical , it was n’t quite [me]0-i , or because [I]0-i ’m struggling to find the words to tell [Breaker]68-breaker . Ever since last year , [he]379-he and [Brian]100-brian have n’t really gotten along . [They]383-they ’ve been cordial and friendly to [each other]288-each other when [we]385-we ’re all in [the same room]386-the same room , but the friendship [they]383-they used to have does n’t quite exist anymore . And it ’s [Brian]100-brian ’s fault , yet [he]379-he has n’t taken the blame , and [I]0-i refuse to insert [myself]0-i in the middle . [I]0-i tried once , and that exploded in [my]0-i face because [Brian]100-brian was mad that [I]0-i was defending [Breaker]68-breaker . But . . . [Breaker]68-breaker did n’t do anything wrong . [Brian]100-brian works in investments . [He]379-he actually works with [some very wealthy clients]387-some very wealthy clients . One night , [we]385-we were all having dinner together , and [Brian]100-brian was looking for some . . . information . [He]379-he was trying to get some clues as to what was happening with some stocks [Breaker]68-breaker and [[his]68-breaker brothers]388-his brothers owned . Valuable shares in renewable energy . It was all sort of . . . skeezy the way [Brian]100-brian went about it , crossing the lines of insider trading . And when [Breaker]68-breaker did n’t break and hand over the information [Brian]100-brian was looking for , [Brian]100-brian got angry . It blew up from there . [I]0-i ’ve tried [my]0-i best to mull it over , but [Brian]100-brian is [a prideful man]389-a prideful man , descending from [a family of wealth]390-a family of wealth . [He]379-he ’s held to a very high standard by [[his]379-he parents]391-his parents . If [he]379-he ’s not climbing the ladder , then [he]379-he ’s not worth [[his]379-he parents]391-his parents ’ time . [I]0-i think [he]379-he was trying to land some big scores for [[his]379-he clients]393-his clients to benefit [them]393-his clients and prove to [[his]379-he parents]391-his parents [he]379-he has value . [I]0-i could not imagine living a life where [you]395-you have to prove [yourself]395-you to [[your]395-you parents]396-your parents day in and day out because [their]396-your parents love is conditional at best . Either way , [they]396-your parents do n’t get along well , and [I]0-i just do n’t know what [Breaker]68-breaker is going to say when [I]0-i tell [him]68-breaker . [I]0-i ’m not sure if [he]68-breaker ’ll be happy , upset . . . if [he]68-breaker tries to talk [me]0-i out of it , [I]0-i have no clue . And that ’s mainly because [we]397-we have n’t spoken about [Brian]100-brian much . [We]397-we kind of just . . . forget that [he]68-breaker ’s a thing in [my]0-i life whenever [we]397-we hang out . It ’s better that way . But now . . . now [I]0-i do n’t know what the hell [we]397-we ’re going to do . [My]0-i phone chirps with a text , and [I]0-i glance down to read it . [Breaker]68-breaker : [Cronuts]102-cronuts coming [your]0-i way . [I]0-i have a meeting with [[our]397-we lawyer]2166-our lawyer this morning , or else [I]0-i ’d join [you]0-i . Smiling , [I]0-i text [him]68-breaker back . [Lia]168-lia : [Cronuts]102-cronuts for what ? [Breaker]68-breaker : For ruining [our]397-we night last night . [I]0-i tried to pull it together , but [I]0-i could n’t quite get there . Sorry , [Lia]168-lia . [Lia]168-lia : No need to apologize . What are [friends]2146-friends for ? Can [I]0-i get a rain check , though ? These glass dice are calling [my]0-i name . [Breaker]68-breaker : What do [you]0-i have going on tonight ? [I]0-i ’m free . [I]0-i give it some thought . Technically , [I]0-i should probably go hang out with [Brian]100-brian tonight , but [I]0-i ’ll see [him]68-breaker at lunch , and [he]68-breaker does want [me]0-i to tell [Breaker]68-breaker , so maybe tonight would be a good idea . [Lia]168-lia : Bring tacos . See [you]68-breaker tonight . [Breaker]68-breaker : [You]168-lia know if [I]0-i bring tacos , they ’ll be the pickle - flavored ones . [Lia]168-lia : Uh , yeah , that ’s what [I]0-i expect from [you]68-breaker . [Breaker]68-breaker : [I]0-i ’ve broken [you]168-lia in . [Lia]168-lia : Like a comfy pair of jeans . [I]0-i set [my]0-i phone back down and smile to [myself]0-i . As it always has been , texting [Breaker]68-breaker — hanging out with [Breaker]68-breaker — is so damn easy . And [he]68-breaker gets that [I]0-i need cronuts . Okay , time to get some work done . * * * [I]0-i hate the dress [I]0-i ’m wearing . Absolutely hate it . [Brian]100-brian got it for [me]0-i maybe a month ago . [He]400-he told [me]0-i [we]401-we were going out for some fun , and [he]400-he took [me]0-i shopping . Wanted to celebrate a check [he]400-he ’d just received by buying [me]0-i some new dresses . For one , [I]0-i ’m not a huge fan of dresses , especially dresses that conform to every inch of [my]0-i body , leaving very little room to breathe or walk in . Also , this dress has flowers all over it , and [I]0-i ’m not against flowers , it ’s just . . . these are little flowers , and it reminds [me]0-i of something [a teenager from the nineties]402-a teenager from the nineties would wear . And thirdly , it ’s short . By [God]103-god , is it short . The wind blows right up the bottom , giving [me]0-i [Marilyn Monroe]104-marilyn monroe vibes with every step . But [Brian]100-brian bought it for [me]0-i and asked if [I]0-i would wear it , so here [I]0-i am . “ [Lia]168-lia , wow , ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian says as [he]400-he walks up from behind . “ [You]168-lia look stunning . ”[400-he] [I]0-i turn just in time for [him]400-he to pull [me]0-i into a hug , [his]400-he hand falling to [my]0-i lower back as [he]400-he squeezes [me]0-i . [His]400-he signature cologne — fresh and woodsy — surrounds [me]0-i first , followed by [his]400-he tight grip , and then the subtle hint of [his]400-he lips pressed against [my]0-i cheek . When [I]0-i pull away , [I]0-i smile up at [his]400-he handsome face . [I]0-i remember the first time [I]0-i met [him]400-he . [I]0-i was out having drinks with [[my]0-i friend]2142-my friend [Tanya]105-tanya , who does n’t get out much because [she]105-tanya ’s [a mother of twins]404-a mother of twins . [She]105-tanya told [me]0-i there was [a guy who could n’t seem to take [his]400-he eyes off [me]0-i , sitting directly behind [me]0-i]405-a guy who could n’t seem to take his eyes off me , sitting directly behind me . When [I]0-i turned around to look , [Brian]100-brian was sitting in a booth , beer in hand , [his]400-he gaze on [me]0-i . [Our]406-our eyes locked , and [he]400-he took that moment to come up to [me]0-i . [He]400-he saw that [I]0-i was hanging out with [[my]0-i friend]2142-my friend , so [he]400-he did n’t want to intrude . Instead , [he]400-he had [me]0-i put [my]0-i phone number in [his]400-he phone so [he]400-he could text [me]0-i to get a cup of coffee . [He]400-he texted [me]0-i the next day . And that was that . After a year and a half of being together , [he]400-he ’s still as handsome as ever . “ [You]400-he look really good , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , tugging on the black suit [he]400-he paired with a dark - blue button - up shirt . “ Thank [you]400-he . ”[0-i] [His]400-he hand clutches [mine]0-i , and [he]400-he says , “ [You]0-i ready for this ? [Mother]106-mother is very excited . ”[400-he] Yup . [Mother]106-mother . That ’s what [he]400-he calls [[his]400-he mom]408-his mom . It ’s so formal . When [he]400-he first used the term , [I]0-i laughed because [I]0-i thought it was a joke , but it was n’t . [Mother]409-mother and [Father]107-father joseph are [[his]400-he parents]391-his parents . To [me]0-i , [they]391-his parents ’re [Mr.]411-mr. and [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver . [Brian Manchester Beaver]100-brian . Quite the name . If [I]0-i decide to hyphenate [his]400-he name , [I]0-i would be [Ophelia Fairweather - Fern - Beaver]70-ophelia . Taking the last name [Beaver]108-mrs. beaver does n’t really scream something [I]0-i want to do , but [I]0-i also know that [I]0-i would insult [Brian]100-brian if [I]0-i did n’t . [I]0-i do n’t know . It ’s a conundrum [I]0-i ’m trying not to think about too much . [I]0-i smile up at [Brian]100-brian . “ Very ready . ”[400-he] [He]400-he lifts [my]0-i hand and kisses the engagement ring [I]0-i made sure to put on before [I]0-i left [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment . “ This looks so good on [you]0-i . ”[400-he] Does it ? Or does it look like [I]0-i ’m opening [my]0-i own personal attack of [Misfit Toys]413-misfit toys for the wintertime ? “ Come on . ”[400-he] [He]400-he tugs [me]0-i toward the doors of [The Pier 1905 Club]414-the pier 1905 club . Situated on [the cliffs of [Malibu]12-malibu]415-the cliffs of malibu , [it]414-the pier 1905 club ’s [a historic club known only to [the rich and famous]417-the rich and famous]416-a historic club known only to the rich and famous . The first time [I]0-i was [here]249-here , [I]0-i was so intimidated that [I]0-i told [Brian]100-brian [I]0-i was n’t feeling well and bolted early . After the fifth time [I]0-i met with [Brian]100-brian and [[his]400-he parents]391-his parents [here]249-here , [I]0-i ’ve grown accustomed to the heavy snobbery in the air . Hence the dress [I]0-i squeezed into , the nail polish that miraculously dried before [I]0-i arrived , and the heels [I]0-i ’m wearing with little straps that cling around [my]0-i ankles . If [Breaker]68-breaker saw [me]0-i right now , [I]0-i ’m pretty sure [he]68-breaker ’d barely recognize [me]0-i . The gold - plated doors part for [us]421-we by [silent doormen]422-silent doormen , bringing [us]421-we into [the opulent lobby]423-the opulent lobby shrouded in light - blue linens and gold and white marble tiles . The theme of [the entire club]424-the entire club is [rich beach]425-rich beach . That ’s all [I]0-i need to say . “ [Mr. Beaver]109-mr. beaver , [[your]109-mr. beaver mother]2244-your mother is expecting [you]109-mr. beaver , ”[426-the host] [the host]426-the host says as [we]421-we turn toward [the dining area]427-the dining area . “ [She]428-she has to get [here]249-here at least half an hour early , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter under [my]0-i breath . [Brian]100-brian chuckles . “ [She]428-she always likes to be the first to arrive . ”[100-brian] That much is obvious . [She]428-she wants to be the first to arrive so [she]428-she can dish out backhanded jabs about time management — despite being fifteen minutes early . “ Right this way , ”[426-the host] [the host]426-the host says as [he]426-the host guides [us]421-we through [the dining room]430-the dining room . Just like every other time [we]421-we ’ve met with [Mother]106-mother , [we]421-we ’re guided to the back of [the dining area]427-the dining area and out to [the balcony]2231-the balcony , where [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver always occupies a corner table . And just like every other time , [she]428-she sits in a white floppy hat , staring directly at the entrance . In addition to [her]428-she hands crossed in front of [her]428-she , [her]428-she internal scowl matches [her]428-she disapproving lips . [I]0-i love [Brian]100-brian . So much . But [[his]433-his mom]408-his mom , pretty sure [she]408-his mom ’s [the devil incarnate on a pair of four - inch heels]435-the devil incarnate on a pair of four - inch heels . When [we]421-we reach the table , [she]428-she does n’t bother standing . Instead , [Brian]100-brian bends and places a kiss on [her]428-she cheek . “ [Mother]106-mother , [you]428-she look beautiful . ”[100-brian] “ Thank [you]100-brian , ”[428-she] [she]428-she says , [her]428-she voice dripping with hundred - dollar bills . [You]436-you know when [someone]2072-someone talks like [they]2072-someone ’re rich — clenched throat , tight lips , disapproving tone in every word ? Well , that is [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver , even when [she]108-mrs. beaver ’s happy . When [Brian]100-brian steps to the side , [I]0-i move forward and offer a curt nod — the way [she]428-she likes it — and say , “ Hello , [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver . It ’s so nice seeing [you]428-she today . ”[0-i] [Her]428-she gaze falls to [my]0-i shoes first . [I]0-i thank [God]103-god [I]0-i got a pedicure the other day so [she]428-she does n’t comment about how dry [my]0-i feet look . Then [she]428-she works all the way up [my]0-i dress to [my]0-i face . With a gentle tug of [her]428-she lips — that ’s [her]428-she way of smiling — [she]428-she says , “ [Ophelia]70-ophelia , it ’s nice to see [you]70-ophelia . Please take a seat . [We]2246-we have much to talk about . ”[428-she] Looks like [she]428-she approves of the dress because there was no pop of [her]428-she forehead vein or subtle clamp of [her]428-she jaw . Finally , [I]0-i got it right . [Brian]100-brian pulls out a chair for [me]0-i , and [I]0-i sit before picking up [my]0-i napkin from the table and folding it across [my]0-i lap . “ It ’s a beautiful day , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver lifts [my]0-i hand and examines [my]0-i ring . “ [Brian]100-brian , [dear]2247-dear , did [you]100-brian get insurance on this ? ”[108-mrs. beaver] “ Yes , [Mother]409-mother . As well as a monthly cleaning . ”[108-mrs. beaver] [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver nods in approval . “ Good . ”[108-mrs. beaver] And then [she]108-mrs. beaver drops [my]0-i hand before adjusting the napkin on [her]108-mrs. beaver lap . “ [I]108-mrs. beaver took the liberty of ordering all of [us]2249-we the salmon salad . ”[108-mrs. beaver] Ugh . . . salmon . [I]0-i had it once , and now that ’s all [she]108-mrs. beaver orders . “ [I]108-mrs. beaver did n’t want to waste any time looking over a menu . [We]2249-we have a lot to talk about , a lot of planning to do . ”[108-mrs. beaver] “ Planning ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , confused . “ Yes , [Ophelia]70-ophelia . [You]0-i ’re [an engaged woman]2250-an engaged woman now . That means [we]2249-we need to start planning the wedding . ”[0-i] “ Oh , so soon ? ”[108-mrs. beaver] [Her]108-mrs. beaver sharp gaze snaps up to [me]0-i . “ What do [you]0-i mean , so soon ? [Ophelia]70-ophelia , [we]2249-we only have one month until the end of summer . [The club]2119-the club has a spot open on a Saturday night in five weeks , so yes , so soon . ”[108-mrs. beaver] “ Wait , [you]0-i want [us]2249-we to get married in five weeks ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , [my]0-i eyes nearly bugging out . [Brian]100-brian ’s hand slides over [my]0-i hand in reassurance . “ [Mother]409-mother , that does seem rather quick . ”[100-brian] [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver now glances toward [[her]108-mrs. beaver son]438-her son , [her]108-mrs. beaver steely eyes wilting [my]0-i fiancé right in [his]438-her son seat . “ [Brian]100-brian , do [you]100-brian expect to wait a whole year ? [The Beavers]110-the beavers only get married in the summer . [You]100-brian know this , it ’s tradition , and since [you]100-brian proposed late , [we]2249-we only have about five weeks to work with . ”[108-mrs. beaver] “ What ’s wrong with waiting a year ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , respectively . “ That will give [us]2249-we time to make sure everything is perfect . ”[0-i] “ [[Brian]100-brian ’s niece]2253-brian ’s niece will be far too tall to be [the flower girl]2254-the flower girl a year from now . [You]100-brian must think about the pictures , [Ophelia]70-ophelia . ”[108-mrs. beaver] Ah , yes , the pictures . Heaven forbid [a tall flower girl]439-a tall flower girl show up and ruin everything . “ The wedding must be this year and must be in five weeks . That ’s [our]2249-we only option . ”[108-mrs. beaver] [She]108-mrs. beaver lifts [her]108-mrs. beaver water glass to [her]108-mrs. beaver pursed lips , letting [us]440-us know the decision is final . “ Five weeks , well . . . [I]100-brian guess [we]2249-we can make it work , ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian says , folding like a cheap lawn chair . “ It will be fun , right , [Ophelia]70-ophelia ? ”[100-brian] [He]441-his only uses [my]0-i full name around [[his]441-his mother]442-his mother , and [I]0-i hate it because it sounds weird coming from [his]441-his mouth . [The only person [I]0-i ’ve ever liked using [my]0-i full name]443-the only person i ’ve ever liked using my full name was [Breaker]68-breaker because [he]441-his uses it when it ’s a special moment , not because [[his]441-his mother]442-his mother forces [him]441-his . [Mother]409-mother and [son]446-son both stare [me]0-i down . [They]447-they ’re waiting for an answer , one that is hard to come up with , given how [my]0-i throat seems to be squeezing tight on [me]0-i . “ Uh , sorry . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take a deep breath . “ This whole wedding thing is just hard , [you]108-mrs. beaver know ? [I]0-i thought [I]0-i ’d be doing this with [[my]0-i parents]2089-my parents by [my]0-i side . ”[0-i] “ Oh , [dear]2247-dear , ”[108-mrs. beaver] [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver says as [she]108-mrs. beaver coldly taps [my]0-i hand . “ That ’s what [you]2247-dear have [me]108-mrs. beaver for . Now . ”[108-mrs. beaver] [She]108-mrs. beaver snaps [her]108-mrs. beaver finger behind [her]108-mrs. beaver , beckoning [whatever butler]448-whatever butler waits in the depths of the wall for [her]108-mrs. beaver to summon . [The butler]449-the butler appears with a thick , leather - bound folder and gently places it in front of [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver . “ This will be [your]2247-dear planning book , ”[108-mrs. beaver] [she]108-mrs. beaver says , turning it toward [me]0-i . “ It has everything in it that needs to be chosen . Of course , given that [[your]2247-dear parents]396-your parents are no longer with [us]2258-our , [I]108-mrs. beaver ’ve taken it upon [myself]108-mrs. beaver to give [you]2247-dear a few options for the type of weddings to choose from . ”[108-mrs. beaver] [She]108-mrs. beaver flips open the folder and pushes it toward [me]0-i . “ [The venue]2259-the venue is obviously [the club]2119-the club . [[Our]2258-our family]2261-our family has had receptions [here]249-here for years . That will not change . ”[108-mrs. beaver] Great , glad to have a say in that . “ As for the flowers , colors , and theme , there ’s some leeway in those decisions . ”[108-mrs. beaver] “ Leeway ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , [my]0-i voice coming off more irritated than anything . Getting married in five weeks is a little much , but being only granted a little leeway ? Now that ’s something [I]0-i do n’t know if [I]0-i ’m cool with . “ Yes , well , [we]2258-our do have [some very powerful people]2263-some very powerful people attending . [We]2258-our need to keep up appearances for that reason alone . ”[0-i] “ But what about what [Brian]100-brian and [I]0-i want ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ This is [our]2258-our wedding , after all . ”[0-i] [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver ’s jaw grows tight as [she]108-mrs. beaver sharpens [her]108-mrs. beaver smile , turning it into a razor blade , ready to cut down any dream with a smart - witted remark . “ [Ophelia]70-ophelia , [you]70-ophelia must understand the importance of marrying into [the Beaver family]2264-the beaver family . This is n’t some ordinary wedding ; this is a show of status . This is a way for [[our]2258-our family]2261-our family to exhibit the many accomplishments [we]2258-our ’ve made to gain the status [we]2258-our have . Every intricate detail will be chosen based on obtaining [our]2258-our place in [[our]2258-our circle]2266-our circle . [I]108-mrs. beaver understand [you]70-ophelia come from humble beginnings , but [you]70-ophelia will be [a Beaver]2267-a beaver soon , and certain expectations are to be upheld . ”[108-mrs. beaver] Leaning toward [me]0-i , [Brian]100-brian says , “ It ’s just a party , [Ophelia]70-ophelia . What does it really matter what kind of flowers are picked out ? ”[100-brian] “ It matters to [me]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , feeling [myself]0-i growing emotional . And let [me]0-i tell [you]450-you , [the Beavers]110-the beavers do not do emotions . “ Now , now . ”[108-mrs. beaver] [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver pats [my]0-i hand again . “ No need to cause a scene . ”[108-mrs. beaver] [She]108-mrs. beaver flips the folder closed . “ [I]108-mrs. beaver can see [you]0-i have some thoughts about the wedding , and [I]108-mrs. beaver do n’t want to steamroll [your]0-i special day . How about this . . . [we]2268-we take it one decision at a time ? [We]2268-we can meet , explore options , and [you]0-i can choose from there . ”[108-mrs. beaver] “ That ’s really kind of [you]108-mrs. beaver , [Mother]106-mother , ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian says . [I]0-i almost did n’t hear [him]451-he from how far up [[his]451-he mother]442-his mother ’s ass [he]451-he is . “ Well , if anything , [I]108-mrs. beaver ’m [an understanding woman]2269-an understanding woman , ”[108-mrs. beaver] [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver says . “ [I]108-mrs. beaver do n’t want [[your]0-i bride]2270-your bride to be upset with [[her]2270-your bride new family]2271-her new family . So what do [you]0-i say , [Ophelia]70-ophelia ? Think [you]0-i can manage meetings with [me]108-mrs. beaver ? Make some decisions ? ”[108-mrs. beaver] [I]0-i swallow down the tightness of [my]0-i throat and nod [my]0-i head because what option do [I]0-i really have ? [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver wants the wedding in five weeks . [Brian]100-brian is not going to stand up for [us]453-us because [he]451-he ’s still suckling at the teat of approval , so it seems [I]0-i do n’t have any other option than to go along with this plan . “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ [I]0-i think that would be nice . ”[0-i] “ Wonderful , ”[108-mrs. beaver] [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver says without an ounce of excitement . [She]108-mrs. beaver snaps [her]108-mrs. beaver finger again in an instant , and salads are placed in front of [us]453-us . “ Now , let ’s eat . ”[108-mrs. beaver] [She]108-mrs. beaver lifts [her]108-mrs. beaver fork and gently cuts into [her]108-mrs. beaver salmon while [Brian]100-brian holds [my]0-i hand and smiles brightly at [me]0-i . The things [we]453-us do for love . * * * “ Thank [you]0-i again , [Lia]168-lia , ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian says as [he]451-he walks [me]0-i up to [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment . After a prolonged time at [the club]2119-the club , [we]453-us spent another two hours walking around [the venue]2259-the venue while [a wedding planner]457-a wedding planner showed [us]453-us [the spaces]458-the spaces . As expected , [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver took the lead . [She]108-mrs. beaver had [her]108-mrs. beaver own opinion on the reception and where the cocktail hour needed to be , as well as the dinner . [The dance floor]459-the dance floor would be modest , with just enough room for [people]2122-people to slow dance — according to [her]108-mrs. beaver , there would be no bumping and grinding at [our]453-us wedding — and then [she]108-mrs. beaver pointed out [[the bride]461-the bride ’s room]462-the bride ’s room where [I]0-i would be making dress changes . When [I]0-i asked how many dresses [she]108-mrs. beaver planned on [me]0-i changing into , [she]108-mrs. beaver said at least three , as if it was the most preposterous question [she]108-mrs. beaver ’s ever heard . Three dresses ? How does [one person]463-one person even have the bandwidth to pick three different wedding dresses ? [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver pointed out there ’s the ceremony dress , the reception dress , and then of course the parting dress — the dress [I]0-i put on just to leave [the building]464-the building . So many useless expenses . By the time [we]453-us left , it was past five , and [I]0-i was rushing to get back [home]373-home . [I]0-i took an Uber to [the club]2119-the club because [Brian]100-brian always likes to drive [me]0-i , and as [I]0-i figured , [he]467-he wanted to drive [me]0-i today . “ Thank [you]467-he for what ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask [him]467-he as [I]0-i reach [my]0-i door and turn toward [him]467-he . “ [I]0-i know the big wedding thing is n’t what [you]467-he were probably looking for , but it ’s important to [[my]0-i mother]2272-my mother . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , [I]0-i could tell . ”[0-i] [I]0-i press [my]0-i lips together . Tugging on the lapel of [his]467-he suit jacket , [I]0-i say , “ Are [you]467-he sure this is all necessary ? Do [we]2273-we really have to have such a grandiose wedding ? Maybe [we]2273-we can elope or something ? ”[0-i] [He]467-he snorts . “ [Lia]168-lia , [[my]467-he mother]2272-my mother would absolutely kill [me]467-he . [I]467-he ’m [[her]2272-my mother baby boy]2275-her baby boy , [the last one to get married out of [[her]2272-my mother children]2277-her children]2276-the last one to get married out of her children . [She]2272-my mother will not allow [me]467-he to elope . ”[467-he] “ [You]467-he know , [Brian]100-brian , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say in a seductive voice while moving [my]0-i hand up [his]467-he chest . “ The great thing about being [an adult]2278-an adult is that [you]0-i can make [your]0-i own decisions . ”[0-i] [He]467-he lightly presses [me]0-i against [my]0-i door and smooths [his]467-he hand up [my]0-i thigh . “ Yes , but when the decision does n’t really bother [me]467-he , [I]467-he ’m not going to put up a fight about it . ”[467-he] “ But do n’t [I]0-i matter ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [He]467-he cups [my]0-i cheek . “ Of course [you]0-i matter , [Lia]168-lia . But [I]467-he also know that wedding stuff is n’t that important to [you]0-i . ”[467-he] “ It should be important to [[us]2279-our both]2280-us both , as it ’s [our]2279-our day . ”[467-he] [He]467-he brings [his]467-he lips to [mine]0-i and presses a few short kisses before pulling away and saying , “ [We]2279-our have the rest of [our]2279-our lives to do things the way [we]2279-our want . This is one day , [Lia]168-lia . And it ’s going to be beautiful , [you]168-lia know [[my]467-he mother]2272-my mother would n’t have it any other way . Trust [her]2272-my mother , okay ? [You]168-lia might feel that what [she]2272-my mother thinks is perfect . ”[467-he] [I]0-i sigh just as [I]0-i hear the elevator ding . [I]0-i glance over [Brian]100-brian ’s shoulder just in time to see the elevator doors part and [Breaker]68-breaker ’s face come into view . Panic rises up , and [I]0-i quickly pull [Brian]100-brian ’s attention as [I]0-i whisper , “ [Breaker]68-breaker just got [here]249-here . [I]0-i ’m telling [him]468-i tonight about the engagement . Please do n’t say anything . ”[0-i] The words fly out of [my]0-i mouth so fast that [I]0-i almost do n’t understand them [myself]0-i . “ Tonight ? ”[468-i] [he]468-i asks . “ But [I]468-i thought [we]2283-we could go into [[your]0-i place]2284-your place , and [you]0-i know . . . celebrate . ”[468-i] Yeah , that wo n’t be happening . The only time [I]0-i “ celebrate ”[468-i] with [Brian]100-brian in [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment is when [Breaker]68-breaker is out of [town]2235-town . The last thing [I]0-i need is for [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend to hear that through the wall [we]472-we share . Also , weirdly , the only time [Brian]100-brian is n’t too tired to “ celebrate ”[468-i] is when [he]468-i ’s at [[my]0-i place]473-my place . “ [I]468-i ’m sorry , but [I]468-i promised [we]472-we could hang out tonight . [I]468-i ’ll make it up to [you]0-i . [I]468-i ’ll bring an overnight bag Friday and spend the whole weekend with [you]0-i . Okay ? ”[468-i] [He]468-i grows stiff with irritation and releases [me]0-i . “ [Brian]100-brian , please , do n’t be mad . ”[468-i] “ No , [I]468-i get it . ”[468-i] [He]468-i straightens [his]468-i jacket . “ But [you]0-i ’re [mine]0-i this weekend . ”[468-i] “ Promise , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i loop [my]0-i hand around the back of [his]468-i neck and pull [him]468-i in for a kiss . Of course [I]0-i intend a peck , but [Brian]100-brian goes in for the kill , adding tongue , making a show of it . When [he]468-i pulls away , [Breaker]68-breaker is standing a few feet away , patiently waiting with [our]474-our take - out food . [Brian]100-brian turns and smiles at [Breaker]68-breaker . “ Good to see [you]68-breaker , [man]2061-man . How was [New York]4-new york ? ”[100-brian] “ Good , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says , looking like [the good guy]363-the good guy [he]68-breaker is , not showing an ounce of how much [he]68-breaker dislikes [Brian]100-brian . [He]68-breaker ’s never said it to [my]0-i face , but [I]0-i can tell when [Breaker]68-breaker enjoys being around [someone]2072-someone and when [he]68-breaker does n’t . [He]68-breaker creates this fake smile , where only the right side of [his]68-breaker mouth tilts up . That ’s the smile [Brian]100-brian gets all the time . “ Glad to be back . [I]100-brian prefer [the West Coast]14-the west coast . ”[100-brian] “ [I]68-breaker do n’t know . There ’s something [the city]2286-the city has to offer that [you]100-brian just do n’t get here . Who knows , maybe [we]2287-we ’ll make [our]2287-we way over to [the Big Apple]15-the big apple one day , right , [Lia]168-lia ? ”[68-breaker] Uh , what now ? [Breaker]68-breaker ’s eyes fall to [mine]0-i , questions in them as to what [he]68-breaker means by that , and frankly , [I]0-i have no clue . Instead of trying to play [middleman]477-middleman , [I]0-i say , “ Well , [I]0-i ’ll see [you]68-breaker this weekend , okay ? ”[0-i] [Brian]100-brian nods and kisses [me]0-i one more time . “ Call [me]100-brian tonight . [I]100-brian want to talk about this weekend and [our]2288-our plans . ”[100-brian] “ Okay . ”[0-i] “ Love [you]68-breaker . ”[0-i] “ Love [you]68-breaker . ”[0-i] [I]0-i wave , and [Brian]100-brian takes off toward [the elevator]319-the elevator , where [he]68-breaker presses the down button and sticks [his]68-breaker hand in [his]68-breaker pocket . When [he]68-breaker ’s firmly in [the elevator]319-the elevator , [I]0-i turn to [Breaker]68-breaker , who has [his]68-breaker eyebrow raised . “ Are [you]0-i moving to [New York]4-new york ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks . “ What ? ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i nearly shout . “ No ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ No . [I]0-i do n’t know what [he]68-breaker was talking about . ”[0-i] “ Are [you]0-i sure ? Because [you]0-i ’re looking sort of fidgety right now . ”[0-i] That ’s because [I]0-i ’m trying to hide the giant ice rink on [my]0-i finger . “ [I]0-i ’m sure . [I]0-i think that was just some offhand comment . [We]480-we ’re not moving . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn toward [my]0-i door , unlock it , and then let [us]480-we both in . “ Okay , because that would not settle well with [me]0-i . [I]0-i mean , [I]0-i would make the move , but [I]0-i like it here on [the West Coast]14-the west coast . ”[0-i] “ [I]481-him do too . ”[481-him] [He]481-him sets the food down on [my]0-i kitchen counter and pulls out the to - go boxes while [I]0-i set [my]0-i things down . “ [You]0-i look nice , by the way . ”[481-him] [I]0-i feel [his]481-him eyes on [me]0-i , and [I]0-i want to slither away in this dress . “ The dress is not [me]0-i . Too short . ”[0-i] “ It might not be [you]0-i , but it still looks good . What was the occasion ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i face [him]481-him and place [my]0-i hands behind [my]0-i back . “ Uh , lunch with [The Beave]2289-the beave . ”[0-i] [We]482-we came up with the nickname after [my]0-i first interaction with [her]483-her . [I]0-i ’m careful when [I]0-i use it because [I]0-i do n’t want to accidentally address [[Brian]100-brian ’s mother]484-brian ’s mother as The Beave in front of [him]481-him . [I]0-i ’m pretty sure that would earn [me]0-i a hefty scowl , a long lecture , and copious apologies . [The man]260-the man loves [[his]260-the man mother]442-his mother . Nothing wrong with that . [You]487-you just have to be conscious of what not to do . “ Ah . . . at [the club]2119-the club ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker asks in a snooty voice while raising [his]68-breaker pinky . [Breaker]68-breaker is [a billionaire]488-a billionaire . [He]68-breaker has more than enough money to put [the Beavers]110-the beavers to shame , yet [he]68-breaker does n’t act like [he]68-breaker has money . Sure , [he]260-the man might wear the most perfectly tailored suits with the richest fabric , [his]260-the man watches are more like expensive jewelry , and [his]260-the man haircuts cost way more than they should , but [he]260-the man lives modestly in [an apartment next to [mine]0-i]489-an apartment next to mine because this is what [I]0-i can afford . [He]260-the man could live in [the Flats]490-the flats with [[his]260-the man brothers]388-his brothers . [He]260-the man could have [a beach house]492-a beach house out in [Malibu]12-malibu , and [he]260-the man could even have [a penthouse downtown]493-a penthouse downtown , but [he]260-the man chose to live [here]249-here . “ Yes , at [the club]2119-the club . ”[0-i] “ Get the salmon salad again ? ”[260-the man] “ Yes , and it was as dreadful as the first , second , third , fourth , and fifth time [I]260-the man ’ve had it . ”[260-the man] [He]260-the man chuckles lightly . “ Next time , excuse [yourself]0-i after [you]0-i order and tell [the waitstaff]2292-the waitstaff to bring [you]0-i a burger instead . ”[260-the man] [I]0-i clutch [my]0-i chest in horror . “ And risk [the waitstaff]2292-the waitstaff being snapped at ? No , thank [you]260-the man . [I]260-the man ’d rather suffer through the salmon . ”[260-the man] “ [You]260-the man ’re [a real Joan of Arc]2294-a real joan of arc , [you]260-the man know that ? ”[260-the man] “ [I]260-the man try . Okay , [I]260-the man ’m going to change real quick because [I]260-the man ca n’t sit comfortably in this without flashing [you]260-the man [my]260-the man underwear . ”[260-the man] “ Not that [I]260-the man have n’t been flashed countless times before . ”[260-the man] “ By accident ! [You]260-the man make [me]260-the man sound like [a philandering woman]2295-a philandering woman . ”[260-the man] “ Halloween , five years ago , [you]260-the man wore that maid outfit . [I]260-the man think [I]260-the man saw [your]260-the man underwear more times that night than all the years [we]2296-we ’ve known [each other]288-each other . ”[260-the man] “ Uh , excuse [me]260-the man , [sir]2298-sir . [I]260-the man wore that maid outfit because [I]260-the man lost a bet to [you]495-you , and that ’s what [you]495-you chose . If it was [my]260-the man choice , [I]260-the man would have gone as a piece of toast with melted butter . [You]495-you know how much [I]260-the man love dressing up as food . ”[260-the man] “ Yeah , but the maid costume was more fun . ”[260-the man] “ For [you]495-you . . . [you]495-you pervert . ”[495-you] [He]495-you rolls [his]495-you eyes dramatically . “ For the last time , it was n’t because [I]495-you was being pervy . It was because [I]495-you knew [you]495-you would hate it . ”[495-you] “ Wow , [you]495-you ’re such [a great best friend]2299-a great best friend . ”[495-you] [He]495-you smiles broadly . “ [I]495-you know . ”[495-you] Chuckling , [I]0-i go to [[my]0-i bedroom]496-my bedroom , where [I]0-i quickly strip out of the dress and the heels and trade them out for fluffy black slippers , a pair of cotton shorts , and a murder mystery shirt . [I]0-i toss [my]0-i hair up in a bun , then stare down at [my]0-i engagement ring . Should [I]0-i wear it out there , or should [I]0-i tell [him]495-you first ? [I]0-i nibble on [my]0-i bottom lip as [I]0-i try to figure it out . Five weeks , that ’s so quick . Like lightning - fast quick , and sure , of course [I]0-i want to marry [Brian]100-brian , [I]0-i love [him]495-you , but five weeks ? [I]0-i ’m barely able to wrap [my]0-i head around the fact [I]0-i ’m getting married . [I]0-i tug on the ring and pull it off [my]0-i finger . [I]0-i think it ’s best that [I]0-i do n’t go rushing into [the kitchen]497-the kitchen with the ring but rather ease the idea into conversation . [I]0-i set [my]0-i ring on the dresser , then walk back into [the kitchen]497-the kitchen , where [Breaker]68-breaker has set up two place settings on the table with drinks and lots of napkins . [We]499-we ’re going to need them . The tacos [Breaker]68-breaker gets are from [a local food truck around the corner]500-a local food truck around the corner . [They]501-they make tacos de birria , and they are so good that [I]0-i would probably get them every night if [I]0-i did n’t have self - control . But because they come with a dipping sauce that the meat was cooked in , [we]499-we need tons of napkins because things get messy . “ Ugh , they smell so good . ”[68-breaker] “ Yeah , [they]501-they do , so hurry [your]68-breaker ass on over here so [I]0-i can dig in . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take a seat across from [him]68-breaker . “ [You]68-breaker could have started without [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ [You]68-breaker know [I]68-breaker never do . If anything , [I]68-breaker ’m [a gentleman]2300-a gentleman and will always wait . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]68-breaker did n’t wait two months ago when [I]68-breaker brought over cheesecake . ”[68-breaker] “ Ah , cheesecake . ”[0-i] “ Very true . All sweets are [your]68-breaker downfall . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pick up a taco , and [he]68-breaker does too , and like every other time [we]499-we ’ve purchased these tacos , [we]499-we “ clink ”[0-i] them as a toast to the meal and then dip them in the sauce . [I]0-i take a very large bite and chew . After a few seconds , [he]68-breaker asks , “ So how was lunch ? ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i swallow and answer , “ Oh , [you]68-breaker know , same old , same old . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker pauses [his]68-breaker taco halfway to [his]68-breaker mouth , sauce dripping from the crispy , grilled tortilla . “ Why do [I]68-breaker feel like [you]68-breaker ’re hiding something from [me]68-breaker ? ”[68-breaker] “ What ? Hiding ? Ha ! No , [I]0-i do n’t hide things . ”[0-i] [I]0-i push up [my]0-i purple - rimmed glasses and chuckle . “ Why would [I]0-i hide something from [you]68-breaker ? That seems pointless . [I]0-i tell [you]68-breaker everything . ”[0-i] “ [You]68-breaker ’re babbling . ”[68-breaker] “ Uh , no , [I]68-breaker ’m not . [I]68-breaker ’m defending [myself]68-breaker . Because why would [I]68-breaker hide something from [you]68-breaker ? ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker sets [his]68-breaker taco down and straightens up . “ [You]68-breaker ’re definitely hiding something . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker do n’t like [your]68-breaker accusatory glare . ”[68-breaker] “ And [I]68-breaker do n’t like that [you]68-breaker ’re prolonging the inevitable of actually telling [me]68-breaker what ’s going on . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker nods at [me]0-i . “ Go ahead , spill . ”[68-breaker] Ugh , [he]68-breaker knows [me]0-i too well . There ’s no point , [he]68-breaker will go all night like this , so [I]0-i set [my]0-i taco down and look [him]68-breaker in the eyes . “ Something has developed in [my]0-i life . ”[0-i] “ Oh - kay , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker drags out . “ Something that will change things a bit . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker brow creases . “ [You]68-breaker are moving to [New York]4-new york , are n’t [you]68-breaker ? ”[68-breaker] “ Noooooo ! [I]68-breaker ’m not moving , [I]68-breaker ’m just . . . changing [my]68-breaker relationship status . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker brow rises . “ [You]68-breaker ’re breaking up with [Brian]100-brian ? Thank — ”[68-breaker] “ No , [he]68-breaker proposed , and [we]2301-we ’re getting married . ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker ’s mouth falls open right before [he]68-breaker says , “ Married ? ”[68-breaker] “ In five weeks . ”[0-i] [I]0-i wince . “ Five weeks ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks . “ Like in . . . five weeks ? ”[68-breaker] “ Yes . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker pushes back , [his]68-breaker expression completely shocked . Yeah , [I]0-i get it . [I]0-i ’m surprised too . “ [I]0-i know it ’s coming on quick , but [The Beave]111-the beave wants [us]2301-we to get married at [the club]2119-the club , and there ’s an opening , and [[his]68-breaker family]2303-his family always gets married in the summer , and next year [wo]2304-wo n’t work because [[his]68-breaker niece]2305-his niece will be too tall . So yeah , five weeks . ”[0-i] “ Wow . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker rubs a napkin over [his]68-breaker face and tosses it on the table . “ That ’s . . . a lot of information . Did [he]68-breaker just propose today ? ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker eyes fall to [my]0-i hand . “ Where ’s the ring ? [He]68-breaker got [you]0-i a ring , right ? ”[68-breaker] “ Yeah , it ’s in [[my]0-i bedroom]496-my bedroom . ”[0-i] “ Why ? ”[68-breaker] “ [I]0-i did n’t want to shock [you]68-breaker , and [he]68-breaker proposed a week ago . [I]0-i wanted to tell [you]68-breaker in person . Are [you]68-breaker mad ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i wince again , [my]0-i heart beating a mile a minute . “ Why would [I]0-i be mad ? ”[0-i] “ Because , [you]68-breaker know , it happened a week ago , and [I]68-breaker have n’t told [you]68-breaker , and [I]68-breaker know that [Brian]100-brian is n’t really [[your]68-breaker favorite person]2307-your favorite person . ”[68-breaker] “ But [he]68-breaker ’s [[your]68-breaker favorite person]2307-your favorite person , so , therefore , [I]68-breaker like [him]68-breaker , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says , but the lie falls flat . There ’s just about zero excitement in the inflection of [his]68-breaker voice . [He]68-breaker swallows , almost as if [he]68-breaker ’s swallowing pain , and says , “ Show [me]68-breaker the ring . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]68-breaker want to see it ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , feeling an awkward tension falling between [us]502-us . [I]0-i know [he]68-breaker ’s not actually happy for [me]0-i . [I]0-i know this is all coming out of the blue — just like it did for [me]0-i . But [he]68-breaker ’s putting on a smile , and [he]68-breaker ’s trying , which only seems to make it feel . . . worse . “ Yeah , show [me]68-breaker [your]68-breaker ring . ”[68-breaker] “ Okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i grab the ring from [[my]0-i room]2204-my room , and then hand it to [Breaker]68-breaker once [I]0-i ’m back in [the dining area]427-the dining area . [I]0-i do n’t slip it on [my]0-i finger but rather just hand it to [him]68-breaker . “ Wow , that ’s nice , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker lifts [his]68-breaker eyes up to [me]0-i , probably trying to gauge [my]0-i reaction . “ Put it on . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker hands it back to [me]0-i , and [I]0-i slip it on [my]0-i finger . “ It looks great on [you]0-i , [Lia]168-lia , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says softly . And there [he]68-breaker is , [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend . [He]68-breaker will say just about anything to make sure [I]0-i feel comfortable , even though [he]68-breaker probably knows that [I]0-i ’m anything but comfortable wearing this ring . “ It ’s different than what [I]0-i would have picked out , ”[0-i] [I]0-i admit . “ Does n’t make it any less beautiful . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker smiles and stands . “ Come here . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i stand , and [he]68-breaker pulls [me]0-i into a hug , [his]68-breaker strong arms wrapping around [me]0-i as [I]0-i rest [my]0-i head on [his]68-breaker chest . [I]0-i do n’t know if it ’s because everything is happening so fast or because [he]68-breaker ’s being so nice , but [my]0-i emotions get the best of [me]0-i , and [my]0-i eyes start to water , so [I]0-i squeeze [him]68-breaker tighter . “ [I]68-breaker ’m happy for [you]0-i , [Lia]168-lia . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker kisses the top of [my]0-i head . “ Five weeks is quick , but [I]68-breaker ’m sure it will be great . ”[68-breaker] [My]0-i throat tightens , [my]0-i tears ready to drip down [my]0-i cheeks . [I]0-i do n’t want [him]68-breaker to see [me]0-i crying . [I]0-i do n’t like being emotional in front of [anyone]2080-anyone , let alone [Breaker]68-breaker , but it does n’t seem to be something [I]0-i can stop from happening . A light sob escapes [me]0-i , and the moment [Breaker]68-breaker hears it , [he]68-breaker puts a touch of space between [us]507-us and bends at the knees to get a look at [my]0-i face . [I]0-i swipe [my]0-i eyes under [my]0-i glasses , but it ’s too late . “ Hey , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says quietly . “ Why are [you]0-i crying ? ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker . . . [I]68-breaker think it ’s all too much for [me]68-breaker right now . ”[68-breaker] “ Come here , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , taking [my]0-i hand and walking [me]0-i over to the couch . [We]507-us both take a seat , facing [each other]288-each other . “ Talk to [me]68-breaker . What ’s going on ? Do [you]0-i not want to get married ? ”[68-breaker] “ No , [I]68-breaker mean . . . [I]68-breaker do . [I]68-breaker just , [I]68-breaker was n’t expecting it . [Brian]100-brian and [I]68-breaker had n’t ever talked about marriage , so [I]68-breaker was caught off guard when [he]68-breaker proposed . Then at lunch today , it felt like everything was moving at warp speed . [The Beave]111-the beave wants [me]68-breaker to wear at least three dresses , which [I]68-breaker think is a waste of money . [Brian]100-brian wo n’t stand up to [[his]68-breaker mom]408-his mom , and the ring is just . . . wow , it ’s big , and [I]68-breaker always sort of wanted one of those past , present , and future rings with the three diamonds , and then there ’s [you]0-i . [I]68-breaker was so afraid of telling [you]0-i because [I]68-breaker know [Brian]100-brian is not [[your]0-i favorite person]2307-your favorite person — ”[68-breaker] “ Let [me]68-breaker stop [you]0-i right there , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says in a calming tone . “ [You]0-i do n’t need to worry about [me]68-breaker or how [I]68-breaker feel in any of this , okay ? [My]68-breaker feelings , [my]68-breaker thoughts , [my]68-breaker opinions do n’t matter . All that matters is how [you]0-i feel and what [you]0-i want . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker squeezes [my]0-i hand . “ So how do [you]0-i feel ? ”[68-breaker] “ Scared , ”[0-i] [I]0-i admit . “ Sad . Not . . . right . And it ’s not because [I]0-i do n’t love [Brian]100-brian , because [I]0-i do , but [I]0-i just think this is all weird . [I]0-i used to talk about this day with [[my]0-i parents]2089-my parents , and [they]2089-my parents wo n’t be there . Things are happening fast , [I]0-i do n’t know . [I]0-i expected to feel different when [I]0-i was proposed to . ”[0-i] “ Maybe it has n’t sunk in yet , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says . “ It might just take [you]0-i a moment to comprehend what ’s happening . ”[68-breaker] “ Maybe . ”[0-i] [I]0-i circle [my]0-i finger over the couch fabric as [I]0-i stare down . “ [You]68-breaker ’re not mad ? ”[0-i] “ [Lia]168-lia . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker tilts [my]0-i chin up so [I]0-i ’m forced to look at [his]68-breaker crystal - blue eyes . “ If [I]68-breaker were mad at [you]0-i , then [I]68-breaker would n’t be [a very good friend]2312-a very good friend , now , would [I]68-breaker ? ”[68-breaker] “ [I]0-i guess not . ”[0-i] “ This is exciting , okay ? [Brian]100-brian proposed , and [you]0-i ’re getting married . Let [me]68-breaker see a smile . ”[68-breaker] Tears drip down [my]0-i cheeks as [I]0-i attempt a pathetic smile . [He]68-breaker chuckles . “ Well , that ’s just sad . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]0-i ’m trying . [I]0-i think [I]0-i was doing okay about the news , just waiting to tell [you]0-i , but at lunch today , [I]0-i felt like [I]0-i was getting steamrolled left and right by [The Beave]111-the beave . [I]0-i know the wedding is important to [[their]2313-their family]2314-their family because of [their]2313-their social status , and it ’s all about keeping up with appearances when it comes to [them]2313-their , but [I]0-i should have a say in all this , should n’t [I]0-i ? ”[0-i] “ Uh , yes , [Lia]168-lia . This is [your]0-i wedding . [You]0-i should have a say in what happens at it . ”[0-i] “ [I]68-breaker just become [a doormat]2315-a doormat when [she]111-the beave ’s around . It ’s hard to get [my]68-breaker opinion in , [you]0-i know ? ”[68-breaker] “ It ’s hard to overcome strong personalities , and [I]0-i get that . [I]0-i deal with [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers every day . ”[0-i] “ And [I]0-i was already steamrolled about the date , and where the reception will be held , [I]0-i attempted to challenge the decision but fell short . [I]0-i think [I]0-i ’m going to just end up resenting this whole thing because [I]0-i ’m going to be pushed around , and that ’s taking the excitement out of it . ”[0-i] “ That ’s understandable . Can [you]509-i make the decisions without [The Beave]111-the beave ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i give [him]509-i a look . “ That would never happen . [She]111-the beave already has appointments made . ”[0-i] “ Well then . . . take [me]68-breaker with [you]509-i , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says , the suggestion making [me]0-i laugh . “ Come on , [Breaker]68-breaker , be serious . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]509-i ’m being serious , ”[509-i] [he]509-i says . “ [I]509-i can go with [you]0-i . It ’s not like [I]509-i have anything going on right now . [I]509-i have to stay away from work . This might give [me]509-i something to do to keep [me]509-i busy . ”[509-i] [He]509-i smirks . “ Maybe [I]509-i can be [[your]0-i wedding planner]2317-your wedding planner . ”[509-i] “ Oh [my]0-i God , stop . ”[0-i] [I]0-i push at [him]509-i . “ Or [[your]509-i maid of honor]2318-your maid of honor . . . ooo , [[your]509-i man of honor]2319-your man of honor . Or , better yet , [man in waiting]2320-man in waiting . ”[0-i] “ Can [you]0-i stop being ridiculous ? ”[509-i] [His]509-i brows tilt down . “ Uh , do [you]0-i have [another best friend]2321-another best friend [I]509-i do n’t know about that would take the title of [maid of honor]2322-maid of honor ? ”[509-i] [I]0-i pause and give it some thought . “ Uh , not really , no . But [I]0-i guess [I]0-i never really thought about it . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’m [[your]509-i best friend]2234-your best friend , correct ? ”[0-i] “ [You]509-i are , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ And [best friends]273-best friends always claim the title as [best man]2325-best man or [maid of honor]2322-maid of honor , correct ? ”[0-i] “ Yessss , ”[0-i] [I]0-i drag out . “ Therefore , by process of elimination , [I]0-i ’m [[your]509-i man of honor]2319-your man of honor , but [I]0-i believe [man in waiting]2320-man in waiting has a better ring to it , do n’t [you]509-i think ? ”[0-i] “ [You]510-i ’re not being serious , are [you]510-i ? ”[0-i] “ Of course [I]510-i am , ”[510-i] [he]510-i says with all sincerity . “ Listen , [Lia]168-lia . [I]510-i know this is going to be tough without [[your]168-lia parents]396-your parents . Losing [them]396-your parents was so hard , and [they]396-your parents would n’t want [you]168-lia to do this alone . [I]510-i have the time , and even if [I]510-i did n’t , [I]510-i would make the time for [you]168-lia . [I]510-i can help . [I]510-i can be [[your]168-lia backup]2330-your backup , [[your]168-lia wingman]2331-your wingman , [[your]168-lia bodyguard]2332-your bodyguard , [[your]168-lia bruiser]2333-your bruiser . ”[510-i] “ [Bodyguard]2334-bodyguard ? Do [you]510-i really think [I]0-i need protection from [The Beave]111-the beave ? ”[0-i] “ [I]68-breaker ’ve met [her]111-the beave before . [Her]111-the beave stare alone is terrifying , let alone the manipulation . Trust [me]68-breaker , [you]168-lia will need [a bodyguard]2335-a bodyguard , and [I]68-breaker ’m [[your]168-lia man]2336-your man . ”[68-breaker] “ But what about [Brian]100-brian ? ”[510-i] “ What about [him]2337-him ? ”[0-i] “ [[You]2338-you guys]2339-you guys do n’t get along . ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker shifts on the couch and then offers [me]0-i a smile . “ Well , [he]2337-him ’s going to be [[your]0-i husband]2340-your husband . Better late than never to build on that relationship because [I]68-breaker wo n’t let any hard feelings or awkward tension with [[your]0-i future husband]2341-your future husband get between [you]0-i and [me]68-breaker , got it ? ”[68-breaker] As [I]0-i listen to [him]68-breaker and [his]68-breaker words of affirmation , [my]0-i emotions tighten again , causing more tears to fall . “ What ’s going on ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks , concerned . “ Just . . . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i look [him]68-breaker in the eyes . “ [I]0-i ’m so glad [I]0-i told [you]68-breaker . [You]0-i looked like a pervert with [your]0-i mustache so many years ago , but [I]0-i ’m lucky to have [you]0-i in [my]0-i life . ”[0-i] [He]68-breaker lightly chuckles and says , “ [You]0-i know , if [you]0-i ’re lucky , [I]68-breaker could bring back the mustache for [your]0-i wedding . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i push at [his]68-breaker face . “ Do n’t even think about it . ”[0-i] Chapter Three BREAKER [I]0-i pace at the door of [[JP]92-jp ’s house]511-jp ’s house , the morning dew freshly clinging to every blade of grass as the sun just starts to tilt into the sky , warming the temperature for the day . [I]0-i got about one hour of sleep last night . One if [I]0-i ’m lucky . Once [I]0-i calmed [Lia]168-lia down and [we]512-we finished [our]512-we tacos , [we]512-we played a few rounds of glass Yahtzee , but [neither one of [us]512-we]513-neither one of us was paying attention . [I]0-i think both of [our]512-we minds were somewhere else . [We]512-we called it a night , and when [I]0-i went to bed , [she]168-lia knocked on the wall , [I]0-i knocked back . . . and then [I]0-i did n’t go to sleep . [My]0-i mind kept whirling over and over again . [She]168-lia ’s engaged . . . to [Brian]100-brian . When [she]168-lia said [she]168-lia was going to have a relationship status change , [I]0-i really thought [she]168-lia was going to break up with [him]514-him . And fuck , [I]0-i almost said THANK [GOD]103-god ! Could [you]515-you imagine if [I]0-i ’d let that fly ? [She]168-lia cut [me]0-i off right before [I]0-i could . And sure , were [they]516-they kissing in [the hallway]262-the hallway when [I]0-i arrived ? Yes , but body language is telling , and , at the moment , [Brian]100-brian was the one leaning into [her]168-lia while [Lia]168-lia had a slight lean away . That kiss was all [him]514-him . But lo and behold , it ’s not a breakup in [our]518-our future , it ’s a wedding , and that makes [me]0-i . . . well fuck , it makes [me]0-i feel weird . Because it ’s [Brian]100-brian . [The guy]519-the guy makes [her]168-lia happy , but [he]519-the guy does n’t get [her]168-lia . [He]519-the guy does n’t know [Lia]168-lia like [I]0-i do . If [he]519-the guy did , [he]519-the guy would n’t have gotten that engagement ring for [her]168-lia , one that [I]0-i ’m pretty sure [you]520-you can see from [Mars]112-clinton mars because it ’s so big . Either [he]519-the guy would have asked [me]0-i , [the best friend]521-the best friend , or [he]519-the guy would have known . Never in a million years would [I]0-i have picked that ring out for [her]168-lia or pressured [her]168-lia to get married in five weeks , only a year and a half after [[her]168-lia parents]522-her parents passed away . Yup , [Brian]100-brian met [her]168-lia a week after [their]522-her parents funeral . [[Lia]168-lia ’s parents]523-lia ’s parents were both in a tragic helicopter accident late at night . [[Her]168-lia mom]524-her mom was killed on impact . [[Her]168-lia dad]525-her dad had a chance , but [he]525-her dad coded and passed away during surgery . Two weeks later , [Brian]100-brian picked [her]168-lia up in [a bar]526-a bar . [She]168-lia was raw , sad , and needed comfort , and [she]168-lia found it in [Brian]100-brian . But [she]168-lia still has a hard time dealing with the loss of [[her]168-lia parents]522-her parents , and [I]0-i do n’t think [he]525-her dad ’s considered that . All [he]525-her dad cares about is checking off the requirements [[his]525-her dad mother]442-his mother sets up for [him]525-her dad . Have a successful job . Buy [a nice house]529-a nice house . Get engaged to [an acceptable woman]530-an acceptable woman . Have a fancy wedding . [Deliver grandchildren]531-deliver grandchildren . [He]525-her dad ’s on a trajectory , and [I]0-i ’m not sure if [Lia]168-lia is on the same one . But who am [I]0-i to say something to [her]168-lia ? [I]0-i pull on [my]0-i hair just as the door opens . [JP]92-jp is in a pair of shorts and nothing else . [His]92-jp hair is a mess , and [he]92-jp looks ready to murder [me]0-i . [I]0-i pick up the box of donuts that [I]0-i set on [the stoop]532-the stoop and say , “ [I]0-i brought breakfast . ”[0-i] “ [Dude]2160-dude . ”[92-jp] [He]92-jp rubs [his]92-jp eye . “ Just because [you]0-i ca n’t go to work does n’t mean [you]0-i need to bother [me]92-jp . ”[92-jp] “ This is n’t about work . [I]0-i need to talk to [you]92-jp . ”[0-i] “ Is it about the psycho who made [you]0-i a pair of boxers from tweed fabric ? ”[92-jp] “ It was burlap , and no . This is about [Lia]168-lia . ”[92-jp] “ [Lia]168-lia ? ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp asks , perking up now , a smile crossing over [his]92-jp face . [He]92-jp takes in [my]0-i fidgety stance , the bags under [my]0-i eyes , and then . . . “ Oh shit , [you]0-i finally realized [you]0-i love [her]168-lia . ”[92-jp] [My]0-i face falls flat . “ [I]0-i ’m going to fucking kick [you]92-jp in the dick with that shit , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i rear back [my]0-i leg , and [JP]92-jp quickly jolts out of the way . “ It has nothing to do with [my]92-jp platonic feelings toward [her]168-lia . Got it ? ”[92-jp] “ Sure . ”[92-jp] [He]92-jp just smiles again and pushes the door open . “ [I]92-jp hope there ’s a cronut in there . [I]92-jp ’ve been craving one . ”[92-jp] “ There is , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ But [you]92-jp ’re not going to get it if [you]92-jp ’re a dick to [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ [Dude]2160-dude , [you]92-jp ’re [the one at [[my]92-jp house]2345-my house]2344-the one at my house . [I]92-jp can treat [you]92-jp however [I]92-jp fucking want . ”[92-jp] At the top of [the stairs]306-the stairs , [Kelsey]113-kelsey calls down while dressed in a robe , [her]113-kelsey hair rumpled as well . “ Who is it ? ”[113-kelsey] “ [Breaker]68-breaker , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ [He]92-jp needs to talk about [Lia]168-lia . ”[92-jp] [I]0-i glance up just in time to see a smile cross over [Kelsey]113-kelsey ’s face . Before [she]113-kelsey can say anything , [I]0-i cut [her]113-kelsey off . “ No , [I]0-i do n’t have fucking feelings for [her]168-lia . This is different . ”[0-i] [Her]113-kelsey smile falters . “ Oh , okay . Let [me]113-kelsey put [my]113-kelsey hair up , and [I]113-kelsey ’ll be right down . Want [me]113-kelsey to call [Lottie]96-lottie over so [you]92-jp have [another girl]2346-another girl ’s opinion ? ”[113-kelsey] [I]0-i ’m about to say no when [I]0-i give it a second thought . Having [another girl]2346-another girl ’s opinion might not hurt , and since [Lottie]96-lottie and [Huxley]92-jp live right across [the street]333-the street from [JP]92-jp and [Kelsey]113-kelsey , it works out . “ Sure , tell [her]96-lottie [I]92-jp brought donuts . ”[92-jp] “ [She]96-lottie ’ll be over [here]249-here in minutes , [I]113-kelsey ’m sure . ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey takes off toward [the room]250-the room while [JP]92-jp and [I]0-i go to [the kitchen]497-the kitchen , where [JP]92-jp starts making a pot of coffee . “ [You]0-i know , it does n’t shock [me]92-jp that [you]0-i came to [[my]92-jp house]2345-my house rather than [Huxley]92-jp ’s . ”[92-jp] “ After walking in on [Huxley]92-jp and [Lottie]96-lottie fucking against a wall , [I]92-jp learned [my]92-jp lesson . [Ca]114-ca n’t get the vision of [his]92-jp clenched ass out of [my]92-jp head . ”[92-jp] “ [Kelsey]113-kelsey and [I]92-jp fuck against walls . ”[92-jp] “ [I]92-jp ’m well aware . The only difference is if [I]92-jp walk in on [you]0-i and [Kelsey]113-kelsey , [you]0-i ’ll just laugh about it . [Huxley]92-jp gives [me]92-jp the silent treatment for a week and then a lecture about privacy between [a husband]2349-a husband and [wife]2350-wife . ”[92-jp] “ [He]92-jp still is rather uptight , is n’t [he]92-jp ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks . “ [You]0-i would think after marrying [Lottie]96-lottie , [he]92-jp might loosen up a touch , but [he]92-jp really ca n’t seem to let the stick out . ”[92-jp] “ At this point , the stick is [a permanent resident]2351-a permanent resident . ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp chuckles while [he]92-jp turns on [his]92-jp coffee maker and starts making a large pot for [everyone]2071-everyone . [He]92-jp also sets out all the essentials of the espresso maker in case [people]2122-people decide on that as well . “ Want [me]0-i to grab plates ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Yeah , it would be nice if [you]0-i made [yourself]0-i useful . ”[0-i] “ Just a simple yes would suffice , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply just as [Kelsey]113-kelsey walks into [the kitchen]497-the kitchen . [She]113-kelsey ’s changed into a pair of shorts and one of [JP]92-jp ’s shirts . There ’s no doubt [she]113-kelsey probably was n’t wearing anything under that robe . “ [Lottie]96-lottie will be over in a second . [I]113-kelsey said donuts , and [she]96-lottie ran . Not sure about [Huxley]92-jp , [I]113-kelsey heard [him]92-jp groan in displeasure when [Lottie]96-lottie hopped out of bed . ”[113-kelsey] Not surprising , [Huxley]92-jp is very possessive over [Lottie]96-lottie . Then again , [JP]92-jp is also very possessive over [Kelsey]113-kelsey . [Me]0-i . . . well , [I]0-i have n’t had [anyone]2080-anyone [I]0-i care enough about in [my]0-i life to be possessive over . Watching [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers find [girls]543-girls and marry [them]543-girls , [you]544-you would think that it would make [me]0-i jealous , make [me]0-i want to go off and find [someone]2072-someone for [myself]0-i , but [I]0-i ’m content . [I]0-i do n’t want to press to find love just because [everyone else]280-everyone else is . The way [I]0-i see it , when [that one special person]547-that one special person comes into [my]0-i life , [I]0-i ’ll know it , and [I]0-i ’ll never want to let [her]547-that one special person go . The front door flies open and through the large entryway , [Lottie]96-lottie ’s voice echoes , “ [Donuts]115-donuts , get in [my]96-lottie mouth ! ”[96-lottie] [I]0-i look over [my]0-i shoulder just in time to see [Lottie]96-lottie charge in wearing a tank top and bike shorts . [Her]96-lottie hair is a mess as well . Trailing behind [her]96-lottie is a not so happy looking [Huxley]92-jp . “ Why the hell are [we]2352-we gathering so early this morning ? ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp asks as [he]92-jp walks up to [me]0-i and rests [his]92-jp hand on [the island]548-the island . “ Is this about the job ? [I]92-jp ’m not getting into it with [you]0-i . [You]0-i ca n’t be around while [the team]2353-the team conducts a thorough investigation . ”[92-jp] “ It ’s not about the job , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ It ’s about [Lia]168-lia , ”[0-i] [JP]92-jp coos like [a goddamn schoolgirl]549-a goddamn schoolgirl . [I]0-i quickly direct a scowl in [his]92-jp direction , causing [him]92-jp to hold up [his]92-jp hands . “ [I]0-i did n’t say anything about [you]92-jp liking [her]168-lia . ”[0-i] “ No cooing either . ”[0-i] “ Christ , sensitive much ? ”[0-i] “ What ’s going on with [Lia]168-lia ? ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie asks , [her]96-lottie mouth full of a jelly donut . “ Well , since [you]0-i ’re all [here]249-here , might as well tell [you]0-i that [Lia]168-lia is engaged . ”[96-lottie] “ Aw , really ? ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey asks , clapping . “ Engaged ? Wow , that ’s great , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ To [Brian]100-brian ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks . “ [The douche]2355-the douche ? ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp adds . “ Wait , why is [he]2355-the douche [a douche]352-a douche ? ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey asks . “ Do [we]0-i not like [him]2355-the douche ? ”[113-kelsey] “ [The boys]2357-the boys do n’t like [anyone]2080-anyone , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says , taking another bite . “ No , [we]0-i do n’t like [him]2355-the douche , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says and then turns to [me]0-i . “ How do [you]0-i feel about it ? ”[92-jp] “ Not great , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer while taking a seat at [the island]548-the island and placing [my]0-i head in [my]0-i hands . [JP]92-jp sets a cup of coffee in front of [me]0-i , but [I]0-i do n’t even bother touching it . “ [He]2355-the douche does n’t deserve [her]2355-the douche . [He]2355-the douche ’s not good enough . And [you]0-i should have seen the ring [he]2355-the douche got [her]2355-the douche . [It]2359-it does n’t have one ounce of [Lia]168-lia in it . It ’s as if [he]2355-the douche went to [the most expensive and gaudy ring shop]2360-the most expensive and gaudy ring shop , said ‘ give [me]92-jp the most expensive ring [you]0-i have ’ , and then bought it . And worst of all , [The Beave]111-the beave wants the wedding in five weeks . ”[92-jp] “ Five weeks ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks . “ Jesus , that ’s quick , although [our]2361-our wedding was quick too . ”[92-jp] [He]92-jp smirks at [Kelsey]113-kelsey . “ But that was to accommodate [Kazoo]116-kazoo ’s schedule . ”[92-jp] “ Yes , planning a wedding around a pigeon has always been a dream of mine . ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp pulls [Kelsey]113-kelsey into [his]92-jp chest and kisses [her]113-kelsey neck . “ [You]113-kelsey loved everything about [our]2361-our wedding . ”[92-jp] “ [I]92-jp did . ”[92-jp] Pulling the attention back to [me]0-i , [I]0-i say , “ And last night , when [she]116-kazoo told [me]0-i , [she]116-kazoo cried . ”[0-i] “ Happy tears ? ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie asks . [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ No , sad tears , nervous tears , unhappy tears . There was n’t excitement in [her]116-kazoo voice , and [she]116-kazoo kept asking [me]0-i if [I]0-i was mad . Why the hell would [I]0-i be mad ? ”[0-i] [JP]92-jp and [Huxley]92-jp exchange looks while [the girls]551-the girls look away . “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , seeing that some sort of secret conversation is happening between all of [them]551-the girls that [I]0-i do n’t know about . [JP]92-jp is the one to talk first . “ [Dude]2160-dude , do n’t [you]2160-dude think that [a little part of [Lia]168-lia]2363-a little part of lia thinks maybe , just maybe , [you]2160-dude would have made a move on [her]168-lia at one point ? ”[92-jp] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ No . [We]2364-we ’ve never thought of [each other]288-each other that way . This has nothing to do with [our]2364-we relationship . ”[0-i] “ Does [she]168-lia know [you]2160-dude do n’t like [Brian]100-brian ? ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie asks . “ [I]96-lottie ’ve never said [I]96-lottie do n’t like [him]2366-him , but [she]168-lia ’s aware [we]2364-we do n’t get along . ”[96-lottie] “ Maybe that ’s why [she]168-lia ’s asking if [you]2160-dude ’re mad , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ [[You]2364-we two]2100-you two are so close that maybe [she]168-lia ’s looking for [your]2160-dude approval . ”[113-kelsey] “ But [I]92-jp do n’t approve of [him]2366-him . That ’s the problem . [He]2366-him ’s not right for [her]168-lia , and [I]92-jp do n’t know what [I]92-jp should do about it . ”[92-jp] “ Nothing , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says , commanding [the room]250-the room with [his]92-jp deep voice . “ Absolutely nothing . If [you]2160-dude get between [her]168-lia and [Brian]100-brian , [you]2160-dude ’re just going to ruin [your]2160-dude relationship with [her]168-lia . ”[92-jp] “ So what , [I]92-jp just let [her]168-lia marry [the douche]2355-the douche ? ”[92-jp] “ Yes , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . [I]0-i blow out a heavy breath . “ But — ”[0-i] “ There is no but , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ [She]168-lia has lost enough in [her]168-lia life . The last thing [she]168-lia needs is for [you]2160-dude to make things complicated for [her]168-lia . ”[92-jp] “ So am [I]0-i just supposed to act as [[her]168-lia man of honor]2369-her man of honor and smile and say yes to everything [she]168-lia picks ? ”[0-i] “ Wait . ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie slaps [her]96-lottie hand on the table . “ [You]0-i ’re going to be [[her]168-lia maid of honor]2370-her maid of honor ? God , why do [I]96-lottie find that the most precious thing ever ? ”[96-lottie] “ That ’s really cute , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey adds . “ And yes , [you]0-i should . If [you]0-i do n’t want to hurt [her]168-lia , only help , then [you]0-i smile and be supportive . Also , quick question , who is [The Beave]111-the beave ? ”[113-kelsey] “ [[Brian]100-brian ’s mom]2371-brian ’s mom . [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver , [we]2372-we call [her]2371-brian ’s mom [The Beave]111-the beave — not to [her]2371-brian ’s mom face . Think of [Emily Gilmore]117-emily gilmore but snobbier . ”[0-i] “ Ooo , brutal , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ [She]2371-brian ’s mom ’s already been giving [Lia]168-lia a hard time . That ’s why the wedding is in five weeks , because of [The Beave]111-the beave ’s demands . [[Brian]100-brian ’s mom]2371-brian ’s mom has been taking over everything , and last night when [she]2371-brian ’s mom was crying , [I]96-lottie told [her]2371-brian ’s mom [I]96-lottie would help [her]2371-brian ’s mom out , be there for [her]2371-brian ’s mom , but fuck , [I]96-lottie did n’t get one ounce of sleep last night . ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie leans forward and whispers , “ Are [you]92-jp sure [you]92-jp do n’t have feelings for [her]2371-brian ’s mom ? ”[96-lottie] “ [I]0-i do n’t ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i shout , only to garner a look of death from [Huxley]92-jp for yelling at [[his]92-jp wife]553-his wife . Quieting [my]0-i voice , [I]0-i say , “ [I]0-i do n’t . [I]0-i think [I]0-i ’m worried about what will happen when [she]2371-brian ’s mom marries [Brian]100-brian . [She]2371-brian ’s mom wo n’t be [[my]0-i neighbor]2374-my neighbor anymore , that ’s for sure , and [I]0-i doubt [she]2371-brian ’s mom ’ll be able to hang out with [me]0-i as much , and if [she]2371-brian ’s mom does , it will involve [Brian]100-brian . [I]0-i do n’t know . [I]0-i feel like [I]0-i ’m losing [her]2371-brian ’s mom , and [I]0-i ’m going to lose [her]2371-brian ’s mom quickly . ”[0-i] “ What if [you]113-kelsey talk to [Brian]100-brian ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks . “ That ’s a good idea , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey piggybacks . “ It seems as though the big problem is with [him]2375-him because let ’s be honest , this is n’t about picking out flowers that [Lia]168-lia likes . No matter what , [you]113-kelsey ’re going to make sure [you]113-kelsey help [her]168-lia in any way possible . This seems like [you]113-kelsey need to fix things with [Brian]100-brian to feel comfortable with [Lia]168-lia moving forward . Because [she]168-lia loves [him]2375-him and said yes to the proposal , which means [she]168-lia wants to move forward . [She]168-lia might be struggling because [[her]168-lia best friend]2376-her best friend and [soon - to - be husband]2377-soon - to - be husband do n’t get along . ”[113-kelsey] “ Great point , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says as [she]96-lottie picks up another donut . “ Fix things with [Brian]100-brian , and [I]96-lottie bet it all works out . ”[96-lottie] “ But [I]0-i ca n’t stand being in [the same room]386-the same room as [him]519-the guy , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ Looks like [you]0-i ’re going to have to learn . ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp smiles . * * * [I]0-i glance down at [my]0-i watch and then swirl [my]0-i glass of water in [my]0-i hand . Fucking ten minutes late , [I]0-i already ca n’t stand [the guy]519-the guy , and now [he]519-the guy ’s going to pull this shit ? After [I]0-i left [Kelsey]113-kelsey and [[JP]92-jp ’s house]511-jp ’s house , [I]0-i drove back to [[my]0-i place]473-my place and went for a run . [I]0-i was n’t ready to commit to [their]557-their suggestion , but after the run , [I]0-i realized [they]557-their were probably right . If [I]0-i want to put [Lia]168-lia at ease and make things less awkward for [me]0-i , maybe [I]0-i need to give [Brian]100-brian a chance . So [I]0-i sent [him]519-the guy a text , asking [him]519-the guy what [he]519-the guy was doing for lunch and if [he]519-the guy wanted to meet . [He]519-the guy was eager with [his]519-the guy text back and told [me]0-i the time and place . Now that [I]0-i ’m [here]249-here , [I]0-i feel like [I]0-i was set up because [the fucker]559-the fucker has n’t even texted that [he]519-the guy was going to be late . [I]0-i pull [my]0-i phone out of [my]0-i pocket and find a text from [Lia]168-lia . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i have to meet with [The Beave]111-the beave at [a church]560-a church , [the church [she]111-the beave wants [me]0-i and [Brian]100-brian to get married at]561-the church she wants me and brian to get married at . Please tell [me]0-i [you]0-i can go with [me]0-i . [A church]560-a church ? [I]0-i ’m not sure [Lia]168-lia has been to [a church]560-a church . . . ever . Breaker : [I]0-i ’m [there]2152-there . Got [your]0-i back . [Lia]168-lia : Thanks , [Pickle]68-breaker . Breaker : Maybe [I]0-i can be [[your]0-i Pickle of Honor]565-your pickle of honor . [Lia]168-lia : Do n’t even tease [me]0-i . [You]0-i know [I]0-i ’ll have a shirt made that says that . Breaker : [I]0-i would wear it with pride . “ Hey , [man]2061-man , ”[566-he] [I]0-i hear [Brian]100-brian say , [his]566-he footsteps approaching . “ Sorry about the wait . [I]566-he was closing in a conversation with a client who wants to invest in bitcoin . ”[566-he] [He]566-he lends out [his]566-he hand . “ How are [you]2061-man ? ”[566-he] [I]0-i pocket [my]0-i phone and give [him]566-he a solid shake . “ Doing good , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say just before [Brian]100-brian takes a seat across from [me]0-i at the booth [I]0-i secured for [us]567-us ten minutes ago . “ [I]100-brian heard about the lawsuit . ”[100-brian] Great opener , way to bring up a sore subject . What [a douche]352-a douche . And of course , [he]566-he ’s heard about the lawsuit . [I]0-i would n’t be surprised if [he]566-he had something to do with it . [He]566-he ’s always been jealous that [I]0-i ’ve been more successful than [him]566-he . “ Hostile work environment ? ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian shakes [his]566-he head . “ [I]566-he do n’t believe it one bit . ”[566-he] Well , at least [he]566-he has the wherewithal to recognize right from wrong in this case , or at least pretend [he]566-he does . “ Yeah , ca n’t really talk about it for legal reasons , but thanks for the support . ”[566-he] Would n’t talk to [him]566-he about it anyway . Not going to willingly hand [him]566-he fodder to hurt [me]0-i with somehow . “ Aw , sure , yeah . [I]569-the server get it . [I]569-the server ’m sure [[your]0-i team]2380-your team is handling things . ”[569-the server] “ Like [they]2380-your team always do . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile just as [the server]569-the server comes up to [our]570-our table . [We]570-our put in a quick order of sodas as well as two steak salads , and then [she]569-the server takes off . “ So , ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian starts . “ [Lia]168-lia told [me]100-brian [she]168-lia told [you]0-i about the big news . ”[100-brian] Unfortunately . “ Yeah , congrats , [dude]2160-dude , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , feeling so fucking awkward that [I]0-i actually despise [myself]0-i at the moment . The fakeness is making [me]0-i feel icky . “ [You]0-i already know this , but [you]0-i ’re going to marry [the best girl out there]2382-the best girl out there . ”[0-i] “ [I]572-i do know it . [I]572-i ’m really fucking lucky and so glad [she]168-lia said yes . When [I]572-i proposed , there was a bit of a pause in [her]168-lia answer , and [I]572-i thought [she]168-lia was going to say no . But [I]572-i chalked it up to a hitch in [her]168-lia breath from excitement before [she]168-lia said yes . ”[572-i] Huh , interesting . Bet [you]571-you there was a pause for a reason . In [my]0-i hopes of hopes , it ’s because deep down [she]572-i knows . . . [the guy]519-the guy is not meant for [her]572-i . “ The ring is amazing , too , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , even though [I]0-i do n’t mean it . The ring is an abomination . “ Thanks . When [I]572-i saw it , [I]572-i immediately thought of [Lia]168-lia . ”[572-i] Not sure how , but whatever . “ So five weeks ? That ’s pretty quick , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [[My]0-i mom]2233-my mom is pressing it to be five weeks . There ’s a reason behind it . [Lia]168-lia must have told [you]0-i [she]2233-my mom was apprehensive about the timeline . ”[0-i] “ Yup , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , not wanting to speak for [Lia]168-lia but also wanting to stand up for [her]168-lia . “ Yeah , it ’s quick for [me]0-i too , but the reason is all there . [I]0-i ’m just glad [you]0-i ’ll help [her]168-lia through it . [Lia]168-lia said now that [you]0-i have time off with the investigation , [you]0-i can go to the appointments with [her]168-lia . [[My]0-i mother]2272-my mother can be strong - willed , so it will be good that [you]0-i ’re there to help [Lia]168-lia . Just wish [I]0-i could , but [I]0-i ’m totally slammed at work . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’m sure . ”[0-i] [I]0-i rub [my]0-i hand over [my]0-i jaw . It ’s time to be [the bigger man]574-the bigger man . [I]0-i mean , [I]0-i ’m [the better man of course]575-the better man of course . “ So since [[you]0-i guys]2339-you guys are going to be married soon , [I]575-the better man of course thought it would be good if [we]2339-you guys got together and , [I]575-the better man of course do n’t know . . . just talked . Maybe get some grievances off [our]2339-you guys chest that [we]2339-you guys might have and start on a clean slate . [I]575-the better man of course feel like there ’s been some tension between [us]2339-you guys . Or have [I]575-the better man of course been reading the situation wrong ? ”[575-the better man of course] “ Nah , things have been weird , ”[576-i] [he]576-i admits . “ [I]576-i think it was after that chatter about the stocks . Things went downhill from there . ”[576-i] Well , hell , [I]0-i did n’t expect [him]576-i to be so honest and upfront . Got to give [the man]260-the man credit for that . “ Yeah . ”[0-i] [I]0-i twist [my]0-i glass on the table , the condensation collecting on the wood . “ That was when things got weird . ”[0-i] [He]576-i leans back against [his]576-i booth seat and undoes the buttons of [his]576-i jacket . “ [I]576-i ’ll be honest . [I]576-i felt intimidated by [your]0-i friendship with [Lia]168-lia and of course [your]0-i success with [[your]0-i brothers]2386-your brothers , and [I]576-i went about it in all the wrong ways . [I]576-i ’m sorry about that . ”[576-i] Huh . . . This is , well , this is not what [I]0-i anticipated . [I]0-i expected [him]576-i to maybe place blame on [me]0-i , or say nothing was wrong , or even pick a fight , but this . . . yeah , [I]0-i do n’t know how to handle such honesty . [I]0-i grip the back of [my]0-i neck . “ Thank [you]576-i for the apology . That , uh , that means a lot , [man]2061-man . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , [I]0-i should have done it a while ago , maybe things would n’t have been so awkward between [us]2388-us and [we]2388-us could have hung out more , but pride is a funny thing . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i get that . [I]0-i probably should have approached [you]576-i earlier too . ”[0-i] “ Why are [you]576-i approaching [me]0-i now ? Besides the wedding coming in close . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ Just thought that maybe it would be best for [everyone]2071-everyone . [I]0-i think [Lia]168-lia sensed the tension between [us]2388-us , and [she]168-lia ’s already stressed , so [I]0-i did n’t want to stress [her]168-lia out even more . [I]0-i thought if [I]0-i could remove a stressor for [her]168-lia , it might ease [her]168-lia mind . ”[0-i] [I]0-i want to say ease [her]578-her apprehension , but fuck would that open a door [I]0-i do n’t want to walk through with [Brian]100-brian . “ Thoughtful , ”[579-his] [he]579-his says with an edge . Now that was the kind of tone [I]0-i was expecting , not [the happy - go - lucky guy [I]0-i was just talking to]580-the happy - go - lucky guy i was just talking to . In seconds , [I]0-i watch [his]579-his posture stiffen , [his]579-his expression grow hard , and the smooth edges of [his]579-his jaw become jagged . Sound the alarm . . . [the man]260-the man is on alert and ready to strike . And here [I]0-i thought [he]579-his was going to be mature . * Mentally rubs hands * This is what [I]0-i was waiting for . Keeping an easy - breezy tone , [I]0-i say , “ And with [[you]2390-you guys]2339-you guys getting married , [I]0-i do n’t want to lose [her]578-her . [I]0-i know things will change because [she]578-her will be [[your]2390-you wife]2392-your wife , and [I]0-i ’m going to respect that . [I]0-i wo n’t be able to drop in all the time as [I]0-i do now , and [I]0-i know [[our]2339-you guys friend]2393-our friend dates will be few and far between . [I]0-i just do n’t want any awkwardness to get between [us]2339-you guys . ”[0-i] [Brian]100-brian nods . “ [I]582-i can understand that . ”[582-i] It ’s all [he]582-i says . [He]582-i does n’t reassure [me]0-i . [He]582-i does n’t offer up a plan that could solve [my]0-i anxieties over losing [Lia]168-lia . Just a simple understanding . [My]0-i suspicions were correct . Once [they]583-they get married , it ’s going to be hell on earth to hang out with [Lia]168-lia . And let ’s be honest . If [I]0-i were in [his]582-i shoes , [I]0-i would n’t want [the best friend]521-the best friend to crowd [my]0-i marriage either . Especially if [I]0-i was marrying [Lia]168-lia — which would be weird — but [I]0-i would n’t let [him]582-i near [her]168-lia . [Our]585-our drinks and salads are delivered at the same time , and as [we]585-our set [our]585-our napkins on [our]585-our laps and pose [our]585-our forks , [I]0-i ca n’t help but wonder why [he]582-i ’s so defensive about [my]0-i relationship with [Lia]168-lia . [We]585-our ’ve never , and [I]0-i mean NEVER , given [him]582-i a reason for concern . So why the fuck does [he]582-i hate [me]0-i so much ? “ [You]0-i know , [I]582-i ’ve always admired [your]582-i friendship with [Lia]168-lia . ”[582-i] [He]582-i looks up at [me]0-i . “ That ’s all it ’s ever been , right ? ”[582-i] Jesus . . . Okay , so that ’s why [he]582-i hates [me]0-i . “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , looking [him]582-i dead in the eyes . “ [She]168-lia ’s [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend , that ’s it , nothing more . [You]582-i do n’t need to worry about anything other than [us]585-our just being [friends]2146-friends . ”[0-i] [He]582-i slowly nods . “ Well , if that ’s the case , [I]582-i ’m supposed to have [Lia]168-lia all to [myself]582-i this weekend , but [I]582-i would love to go out on a double date with [you]582-i . ”[582-i] “ Oh , that would be cool , but [I]582-i ’m not seeing [anyone]2080-anyone at the moment , so [your]582-i double date would sort of be a third wheel situation . ”[582-i] “ [I]582-i ’m aware of [your]582-i dating status . That ’s why [I]582-i have the perfect person for [you]582-i . ”[582-i] Errrr . . . what ? “ [You]100-brian have someone for [me]100-brian to go out on a date with ? ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian nods . “ Yeah . [Her]168-lia name is [Birdy]118-birdy . [She]168-lia is [[my]582-i buddy ’s sister]2397-my buddy ’s sister , and [she]168-lia ’s been having a hard time finding [a genuine guy]2398-a genuine guy . [He]2398-a genuine guy was telling [me]582-i about it last night , and [I]582-i thought , [you]582-i know , [I]582-i might have [the perfect person for [her]168-lia]2399-the perfect person for her . And since , [you]582-i know , [you]582-i do n’t have any romantic feelings for [anyone else]2400-anyone else , this might be the perfect chance to meet [someone new]2401-someone new . ”[582-i] Any romantic feelings for [anyone else]2400-anyone else ? That ’s a specific way to say that . [I]0-i feel like this is a test . This is n’t an act of goodwill or a way to get closer to [me]0-i on a friend level . This is a test , and if [I]0-i fail , [he]587-him wo n’t believe [me]0-i when [I]0-i say nothing is going on between [Lia]168-lia and [me]0-i . This is [him]587-him trying to see if an ounce of romance exists between [[his]587-him fiancée]588-his fiancée and [me]0-i . “ A double date . ”[587-him] [I]0-i smile up at [him]587-him . “ Sounds like fun . ”[0-i] Can [you]589-you hear the lies dropping off [my]0-i tongue ? [No one]2095-no one , and [I]0-i mean [NO ONE]2095-no one , likes to be set up , let alone on a double date where [you]589-you get to be stared at the entire time by [an established couple]592-an established couple . If [you]589-you ’re looking to spend [your]589-you evening in horror , that ’s the way to do it . But [I]0-i would do anything for [Lia]168-lia , so . . . it looks like [I]0-i ’m [a double dater]593-a double dater now . “ Great . ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian beams , [his]587-him rabid expression vanishing . “ [I]100-brian ’ll set everything up and have [Lia]168-lia relay the info to [you]0-i . ”[100-brian] “ Sounds great , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i take a bite of [my]0-i salad . Go be friends with [Brian]100-brian . Get to know [him]587-him better . Clear the air . . . Yeah , [Kelsey]113-kelsey and [Lottie]96-lottie can go to hell with [their]594-their advice . * * * [Lia]168-lia : Uh , [earth to]595-earth to [Pickle]68-breaker , earth to [Pickle]68-breaker , are [you]596-you there ? [Breaker]68-breaker : [I]0-i do n’t want to hear it . [Lia]168-lia : A DOUBLE DATE ? ? Who are [you]596-you and what did [you]596-you do with [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Maybe [I]0-i left [him]2156-my best friend back in [New York]4-new york . [Lia]168-lia : Do [I]0-i need to borrow [[your]68-breaker private jet]598-your private jet to fly [myself]0-i back and see if [I]0-i can find [him]2156-my best friend ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Not sure [the greatest SWAT team out there]599-the greatest swat team out there could find [him]2156-my best friend at this point . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i ca n’t believe [you]596-you said yes to a double date . Frankly , [I]0-i ’m a little disappointed in [you]596-you . [You]596-you do n’t conform to social engagements . [Breaker]68-breaker : But [Brian]100-brian asked , and [I]0-i felt obligated to say yes . Who knows , maybe [this girl]2214-this girl will be the love of [my]0-i life . [Lia]168-lia : [Birdy]118-birdy and [Breaker]68-breaker , it does have a nice ring to it . [Breaker]68-breaker : [We]601-we clearly would need to name all of [[our]601-we children]602-our children with B names . [Lia]168-lia : [Bertha]119-bertha , [Bernard]120-bernard , and [Barabbas]121-barabbas . . . [Auntie Lia]168-lia is coming for those snuggles . [Breaker]68-breaker : Watch out , [Barabbas]121-barabbas is still wetting [his]121-barabbas pants when [you]168-lia squeeze [him]121-barabbas too hard . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i thought [Birdy]118-birdy took [him]121-barabbas to [the pediatrician]603-the pediatrician to see what the squeeze pee was all about . [Breaker]68-breaker : Weak urethra , just going to have to give [him]121-barabbas time . Squeeze gently . [Lia]168-lia : [Barabbas]121-barabbas is getting a head pat . [Bertha]119-bertha and [Bernard]120-bernard will be squeezed . [Breaker]68-breaker : Do n’t [you]168-lia DARE treat [Barabbas]121-barabbas differently . [He]121-barabbas ’s human like [the rest of [us]605-us]604-the rest of us . [Lia]168-lia : [You]68-breaker ’re right . . . [you]68-breaker ’re right , that was wrong of [me]0-i . [I]0-i ’ll just squeeze gently and wear old shoes . [Breaker]68-breaker : Now there ’s [a good aunt]606-a good aunt . [Lia]168-lia : For the record , [Birdy]118-birdy is [a blonde]607-a blonde , and [blondes]608-blondes are n’t [your]68-breaker favorite . So curb [your]68-breaker displeasure . [Breaker]68-breaker : [A blonde]607-a blonde ? Huh , maybe this one [I]0-i ’ll like . [Lia]168-lia : Only time will tell . Seriously , though , [you]68-breaker ’re good with this ? [I]0-i can cancel with [Brian]100-brian . [Breaker]68-breaker : No , it ’s good . Seriously . Might be nice . [I]0-i have n’t been out on a date in . . . well , a long time . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i ’ve never seen [you]68-breaker out on a date . This is sort of exciting . [I]0-i get to see how [Breaker]68-breaker puts on the moves . [Breaker]68-breaker : Please do n’t stare at [me]0-i the entire time , watching [my]0-i every move and smirking behind [your]168-lia napkin . [Lia]168-lia : The urge to do just that is sitting very heavily on [my]0-i chest because the joy [I]0-i would reap from that is so overwhelming that [my]0-i cup would be full for weeks . But [I]0-i understand such behavior will cause [you]168-lia to sweat , and [no one]2095-no one likes a sweaty pickle . Breaker : [Your]168-lia concern for [me]0-i feels so genuine . Thank [you]168-lia . [Lia]168-lia : Anytime . So do [you]68-breaker know what [you]68-breaker ’re going to wear ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Can [we]611-we not do this , please ? [Lia]168-lia : Umm , great suggestion , but no . [Brian]100-brian setting [you]68-breaker up with [Birdy]118-birdy is probably one of the best things to ever happen to [me]0-i . [Breaker]68-breaker : More than [your]168-lia engagement ? [Lia]168-lia : Do n’t tell [Brian]100-brian . . . but maybe . [Breaker]68-breaker : [I]0-i always knew [you]68-breaker were [a different breed]612-a different breed , but this really proves it . [I]0-i ’m going to bed . [Lia]168-lia : But [I]0-i ’m not done teasing [you]68-breaker and testing [your]68-breaker patience . [Breaker]68-breaker : At least [you]68-breaker ’re honest about it . Good night . [I]0-i raise [my]0-i hand to the wall and knock four times . [She]168-lia knocks three , and for the second night in a row . . . [I]0-i do n’t get much sleep at all . Chapter Four [LIA]168-lia “ Today is the day ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i singsong as [I]0-i make [my]0-i way through [[Breaker]68-breaker ’s apartment]613-breaker ’s apartment to [[his]68-breaker bedroom]614-his bedroom , where the curtains are drawn and [he]68-breaker ’s still in bed . Just a lump of a human sprawled across [his]68-breaker mattress . “ Good morning ! ”[68-breaker] “ Grrrrrrr , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker growls into [his]68-breaker pillow . “ Time to rise and shine , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say while [I]0-i fling open [his]68-breaker curtains , flooding [[his]68-breaker room]615-his room with the brilliantly bright California sun . “ It ’s date day . ”[0-i] “ Which is not until tonight , so why are [you]0-i bothering [me]68-breaker now ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker groans while placing [his]68-breaker pillow over [his]68-breaker head . [I]0-i turn to face [him]68-breaker and spot part of [his]68-breaker ass cheek hanging out for [the world]616-the world to see . “ [My]0-i God ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , covering [my]0-i eyes . “ [Your]68-breaker butt is showing . ”[0-i] “ That ’s what [you]0-i get for walking in on [me]68-breaker . [You]0-i know [I]68-breaker sleep naked . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker adjusts [his]68-breaker blankets . “ How would [I]68-breaker know that ? ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i ’re [[my]68-breaker best friend]2156-my best friend . [You]0-i should know everything about [me]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker voice is muffled by the pillow , but [I]0-i can still understand [him]68-breaker . “ Like [I]68-breaker know that if [I]68-breaker were to remove this pillow , [I]68-breaker would find [you]0-i in a pair of bike shorts , some random Zelda shirt , and [your]0-i hair clipped up because [you]0-i ca n’t have it touching [your]0-i neck so early in the morning . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker moves the pillow to the side to get a look at [me]0-i , and when [he]68-breaker knows [he]68-breaker ’s right , [he]68-breaker smirks and puts the pillow back . “ That was a lucky guess . ”[68-breaker] “ Not a guess . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker pokes [his]68-breaker head . “ All knowledge up here . Let [me]68-breaker guess , [you]0-i also ordered breakfast to lessen the blow of waking [me]68-breaker up , and it will be here in five minutes . [You]0-i ordered pancakes because [you]0-i ’ve been craving them . Still , [you]0-i did n’t get them from [[your]0-i favorite place]2403-your favorite place because [you]0-i know [I]68-breaker prefer the breakfast burrito from [Salty]123-salty ’s . Hence , [you]0-i caved and ordered from [there]2152-there despite [them]2152-there not having the maple - walnut syrup [you]0-i love so much . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i know , it ’s unflattering to be a know - it - all . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker chest rumbles with a laugh . “ Not trying to flatter [you]0-i , so no problem there . ”[68-breaker] On a loud sigh , [he]68-breaker raises [his]68-breaker hands above [his]68-breaker head and says , “ Toss [me]68-breaker [my]68-breaker shorts . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i walk over to [his]68-breaker dresser , where a pair of shorts are folded , and [I]0-i hand them to [him]68-breaker . [He]68-breaker slips them under the bed , and [I]0-i watch [him]68-breaker shimmy into them without showing off any skin . [He]68-breaker then flips the covers off [him]68-breaker and sits on the edge of the bed . [His]68-breaker hand presses into [his]68-breaker eye as [he]68-breaker attempts to wake [himself]68-breaker up . [I]0-i just stand there and stare . [Breaker]68-breaker is a far cry from [the man [I]0-i once met]617-the man i once met . In [that dorm hallway]618-that dorm hallway , [he]68-breaker was tall , lanky , and had enough shaggy hair on the top of [his]68-breaker head to be mistaken for [a Yorkshire Terrier]619-a yorkshire terrier . Now , well , not so lanky anymore . Broad shoulders with sinew wrapping around them , flowing down [his]68-breaker biceps that are thick but not in a bodybuilder way . [He]68-breaker ’s strong , fit , with enormous pecs and a pair of abs that quite frankly [I]0-i ’m jealous of . And [his]68-breaker hair is no longer shaggy , more like perfectly cut to look messy , but it really is n’t . And instead of [his]68-breaker pasty white complexion from being inside nonstop studying , [he]68-breaker is a beautiful bronze from running outside with [his]68-breaker shirt off . [I]0-i ’ve never truly ogled [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend , but . . . [I]0-i can admit [he]68-breaker has a really nice body . Like . . . really nice . “ This burrito better be good , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker stands , completely missing the fact that [I]0-i just checked [him]68-breaker out . Thank God for that . [He]68-breaker works [his]68-breaker way toward [the bathroom]621-the bathroom , where [he]68-breaker shuts the door . [I]0-i leave [him]68-breaker to [[his]68-breaker business]622-his business and head out to [the kitchen]497-the kitchen to start a pot of coffee for [us]624-us . [He]68-breaker always carries the dark chocolate raspberry coffee that [I]0-i love . [He]68-breaker says [he]68-breaker ca n’t taste the flavor , only smell it , but [I]0-i can taste all the raspberry goodness , it ’s why it ’s [my]0-i favorite . “ [I]68-breaker can smell the raspberry from here , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker stands at the doorway of [[his]68-breaker kitchen]625-his kitchen , scratching [his]68-breaker chest , a lopsided grin playing at [his]68-breaker lips . [My]0-i eyes travel down [his]68-breaker chest , to the V in [his]68-breaker hips that is shown off by [his]68-breaker low - hanging shorts . Okay . . . really , really nice body . Not sure if [he]68-breaker ’s kicked up [his]68-breaker workout routine lately or what , but [he]68-breaker ’s uh . . . [he]68-breaker ’s looking good . [I]0-i turn away and hide the slight blush of [my]0-i cheeks as [I]0-i say , “ It ’s potent because [I]0-i have n’t unleashed it in a while . ”[0-i] “ When was the last time [you]0-i had breakfast [here]249-here ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks as [he]68-breaker takes a seat on the counter . “ [I]68-breaker do n’t know , [we]2406-we ’ve been doing dinners more lately . ”[68-breaker] “ Yeah , because [you]0-i spend a lot of weekend nights over at [[Brian]100-brian ’s]2407-brian ’s , and [I]0-i ’m usually rushing around in the morning on weekdays looking to get to work . [I]0-i do n’t have time for casual breakfasts . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn to face [him]68-breaker and lean against the counter . “ Well , now that [you]68-breaker ’re on sabbatical , [you]68-breaker have all the time in [the world]616-the world . ”[0-i] “ Maybe this time will give [me]68-breaker a moment to get to know . . . [Birdy]118-birdy . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker wiggles [his]68-breaker eyebrows , making [me]0-i laugh . “ [You]0-i know , [I]68-breaker cyberstalked [her]118-birdy last night . ”[68-breaker] “ Did [you]68-breaker really ? What did [you]68-breaker come up with ? ”[0-i] “ Would n’t [you]68-breaker like to know ? ”[68-breaker] “ Yeah , [I]68-breaker would . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker nods at [me]0-i . “ Come on , spill . Tell [me]68-breaker what [I]68-breaker ’m getting [myself]68-breaker into tonight . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i grab [my]0-i phone from the counter , and while the coffee brews , [I]0-i show [Breaker]68-breaker the screenshots [I]0-i took last night for this very purpose — to share with [him]68-breaker . “ Okay , first of all , [she]626-she ’s really pretty . ”[0-i] “ Looks are n’t everything , but that ’s a bonus . Let [me]0-i see . ”[0-i] [I]0-i show [him]68-breaker a picture of [her]626-she in a skintight light pink dress with a sunset behind [her]626-she . [Her]626-she hair is long and curled , and [she]626-she ’s holding a champagne glass . Surprisingly , [I]0-i see [his]68-breaker eyes widen . “ Wow , okay , yeah . [She]626-she ’s beautiful . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i pause and say , “ But [she]626-she ’s [a blonde]607-a blonde . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , think [I]68-breaker can get over that . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker smirks at [me]0-i . “ What else do [you]0-i have ? ”[68-breaker] Feeling weird because [I]0-i did n’t think [he]68-breaker would have that kind of reaction , [I]0-i go back to the screenshots on [my]0-i phone . [I]0-i do n’t know , [I]0-i knew [he]68-breaker was going to think [she]626-she was pretty because it ’s obvious , but [his]68-breaker reaction suggests [he]68-breaker ’s actually interested . Why is that a bad thing in [my]0-i head ? It should n’t be . [I]0-i guess this whole situation is just weird , is all . [Breaker]68-breaker does n’t date that much . [He]68-breaker ’s taken [girls]543-girls out , had one - night stands , but [an actual girlfriend]628-an actual girlfriend , not really . “ So , uh , [she]626-she really likes baseball . [She]626-she loves the Chicago Rebels . Not sure who [they]2410-they are , but [she]626-she has some fan page dedicated to [a player]2411-a player ’s butt . ”[68-breaker] “ Which means [she]626-she ’s [a butt person]2412-a butt person . That bodes well for [me]68-breaker , as [I]68-breaker have a nice ass . ”[68-breaker] “ Do [you]68-breaker ? ”[68-breaker] “ Oh please , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker scoffs . “ [You]0-i know [I]68-breaker do , and do n’t even try to deny it . What else do [you]68-breaker have on [her]626-she ? ”[68-breaker] Not that [I]0-i ’ve looked , but [he]68-breaker does . [An annoyingly nice butt]629-an annoyingly nice butt . “ [She]626-she likes . . . get this . . . romantic comedies . ”[629-an annoyingly nice butt] “ What ’s wrong with that ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i study [him]68-breaker , truly study [him]68-breaker . “ [Breaker]68-breaker , [they]2413-they ’re so cliché . ”[0-i] “ For a reason , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says . “ [They]2413-they bring joy to [people]2122-people . [I]68-breaker know [Kelsey]113-kelsey and [Lottie]96-lottie are obsessed with [them]2413-they . [They]2413-they ’ve changed [my]68-breaker mind . [I]68-breaker can see the appeal . Something about having hope at the end of a story , knowing that it ’s all going to end well , makes [you]2415-you feel all warm and cozy inside . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i set [my]0-i phone down , cross [my]0-i arms over [my]0-i chest , and ask , “ What have [you]68-breaker done with [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend ? [You]68-breaker hate romantic comedies . ”[0-i] [He]68-breaker hops off the counter and says , “ [People]2122-people can change , [Lia]168-lia . It ’s okay . [The world]616-the world wo n’t fall apart . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker smirks and then pulls [me]0-i into a hug . “ Are [you]0-i jealous [I]68-breaker ’m going out with [this girl]2214-this girl tonight ? ”[68-breaker] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i pull away . “ Why on earth would [I]68-breaker be jealous ? ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker lets [me]0-i go just as a knock sounds on the door . The food is here . “ Because [you]0-i ’re supposed to be [the only woman in [my]68-breaker life]2420-the only woman in my life , right ? ”[68-breaker] “ Well , yes . Of course . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker laughs and presses a quick kiss to [my]0-i head before grabbing the food . “ Do n’t worry , [Lia]168-lia , [you]0-i ’ll always be [[my]68-breaker best friend]2156-my best friend . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker turns toward [me]0-i and then adds , “ But [you]0-i ca n’t offer [me]68-breaker benefits , and [a guy]2422-a guy has needs . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker smirk makes [me]0-i believe [he]68-breaker ’s joking . [I]0-i push at [his]68-breaker bare chest . “ Ew , gross . Do n’t be [that guy]2423-that guy . ”[0-i] “ [Lia]168-lia , [I]68-breaker ’ve always been [that guy]2423-that guy , but [you]168-lia just do n’t see it because [you]168-lia ’d give [me]68-breaker shit . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker sets the food out on the table , and [I]0-i say , “ So [you]68-breaker think [you]68-breaker ’ll like [her]2425-her ? Go out with [her]2425-her ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i lean in and whisper . “ Have sex ? ”[0-i] “ Jumping the gun a bit , but [I]630-i ’m open . And [I]630-i mean , [she]2425-her ’s really pretty . Who knows , maybe [I]630-i ’ll be taking [her]2425-her as [[my]630-i date to [your]168-lia wedding]2426-my date to your wedding . Maybe [she]2425-her ’ll catch the bouquet , maybe [I]630-i ’ll catch the garter , and [we]2427-we ’ll have a whirlwind romance where [Bertha]119-bertha , [Bernard]120-bernard , and [Barabbas]121-barabbas are n’t just a thought but a reality . ”[630-i] “ All because of [Brian]100-brian . Could [you]630-i imagine ? ”[630-i] “ Honestly , [I]0-i ca n’t , but [I]0-i ’m just going with the flow at this point . ”[0-i] “ And why exactly ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , popping open the container to [my]0-i pancakes . [He]630-i looks up at [me]0-i from where [he]630-i ’s unfolding [his]630-i burrito from the foil . “ Because [I]630-i want to make sure [you]0-i ’re happy , [Lia]168-lia . [I]630-i know how stressed [you]0-i are about all of this , and if [I]630-i can ease some of that stress , then [I]630-i ’m going to do that for [you]0-i . ”[630-i] “ [You]0-i do n’t have to ease the stress by going out with [Birdy]118-birdy . ”[630-i] “ It ’s one date , and it ’s more for [Brian]100-brian than anything . ”[0-i] [I]0-i eye [him]630-i suspiciously . “ And when have [you]0-i ever started doing things for [Brian]100-brian ? ”[0-i] “ Since [he]630-i ’s going to be [[your]0-i husband]2340-your husband and . . . and [I]630-i do n’t want to lose [you]0-i , ”[630-i] [he]630-i says quietly . [I]0-i pause , [my]0-i head tilting to the side . Is [he]630-i serious ? When [I]0-i study [him]630-i for a moment and take in the way [his]630-i shoulders curve inward and the dip in [his]630-i posture , [I]0-i can tell [he]630-i is . “ What ? [Breaker]68-breaker , [you]0-i ’re not going to lose [me]630-i . ”[630-i] [He]630-i sets [his]630-i burrito down and faces [me]0-i . “ [Lia]168-lia , [we]2429-us have to be real about this . In five weeks , things are really going to change . [You]0-i ’re no longer going to live next to [me]630-i . [You]0-i ’re going to be occupied with [your]0-i new life , and sure , [I]630-i know [you]0-i wo n’t forget [me]630-i , but [I]630-i do n’t want there to be any reason for there to be distance between [us]2429-us other than actual distance . [I]630-i do n’t want to give [Brian]100-brian a reason to put a wedge between [us]2429-us . ”[630-i] “ [I]0-i would n’t let [him]630-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [I]0-i know , but if [I]0-i do n’t get along with [him]630-i , that could hurt [your]0-i marriage . There could be resentment , so yeah , [I]0-i ’m going to do something for [him]630-i . Sure , because [I]0-i know if [I]0-i do this little thing for [him]630-i , [I]0-i wo n’t run the risk of not getting to hang out with [you]0-i . ”[0-i] [Breaker]68-breaker ’s busy , so [we]631-we do n’t get to see [each other]288-each other daily . But so far , since [I]0-i ’ve been going out with [Brian]100-brian , there has n’t been much disruption to how much time [we]631-we spend with [each other]288-each other . But the idea that [we]631-we wo n’t just be able to walk a few steps out [our]631-we front doors to get to [each other]288-each other is startling . “ Do [you]0-i really think life will change that much ? [I]0-i mean . . . [you]0-i could always move close . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ [[Your]0-i brothers]2386-your brothers live across [the street]333-the street . That could be [us]2386-your brothers . ”[0-i] [He]68-breaker tilts [his]68-breaker head to the side . “ Are [you]0-i . . . asking [me]68-breaker to follow [you]0-i ? ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker teasing tone causes [me]0-i to roll [my]0-i eyes . [I]0-i pick up the syrup that came with [my]0-i pancakes and drench them . “ Not if [you]0-i ’re going to be obnoxious about it , but yes , it does n’t have to be a straight cut - off when [I]0-i get married . [Brian]100-brian understands [our]2386-your brothers relationship , and who knows , if things work out with [Birdy]118-birdy , maybe [we]2386-your brothers can continue to go on double dates . And on those double dates , [we]2386-your brothers can annoy [them]2432-them with [our]2386-your brothers history by talking about all the college fun [we]2386-your brothers had while [they]2432-them just sit there and stare at [us]2386-your brothers . ”[0-i] “ And when [you]0-i say college fun , [you]0-i really mean all the nerdy and embarrassing things [we]2386-your brothers still do today . ”[0-i] [I]0-i place a bite of pancakes in [my]0-i mouth . “ Precisely . ”[0-i] * * * “ [Lia]168-lia , [you]168-lia ready ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker asks , knocking on the door . [I]0-i check [myself]0-i one more time in the mirror and make sure everything is in place . Let ’s be real for a second . [I]0-i ’m not one who often goes all out when it comes to gussying up . [I]0-i prefer minimal makeup because [I]0-i do n’t like how it cakes on [my]0-i glasses . [I]0-i do n’t curl [my]0-i hair often , and if [I]0-i have a choice between jean shorts and a dress , [I]0-i always choose jean shorts , but tonight , [I]0-i felt the need to . . . spice it up . [I]0-i know what [you]635-you ’re thinking . It ’s because [Birdy]118-birdy is so pretty , right ? Well , [you]635-you would be wrong . [Birdy]118-birdy has nothing to do with this . [I]0-i thought [I]0-i would try to match the level of gorgeousness of [my]0-i ring . [I]0-i know [you]635-you do n’t believe [me]0-i , but that ’s the reason , the ring . Not [Birdy]118-birdy and [her]118-birdy beautiful long blond hair or [her]118-birdy long black eyelashes or the fact that [she]118-birdy has such a nice pair of boobs that [mine]0-i look like corn nuts in comparison . This is all about the ring . [I]0-i smooth [my]0-i hand down [my]0-i purple tube dress that just so happens to match [my]0-i glasses . It also accentuates [my]0-i curves — what little curves [I]0-i have . [I]0-i spent an hour curling [my]0-i hair , and then [I]0-i brushed out the curls because that was what [the girl on the YouTube tutorial]636-the girl on the youtube tutorial told [me]0-i to do , and [she]636-the girl on the youtube tutorial was right . It ’s made [my]0-i hair all wavy and pretty . And [my]0-i makeup , well , [I]0-i made sure to highlight [my]0-i eyes with mascara and then put on a subtle lipstick that would n’t clash with [my]0-i dress , more accentuate it . [I]0-i ’m pretty sure [Brian]100-brian is not going to recognize [me]0-i . Maybe this is a good thing , spice things up before [we]637-we get married and show [him]638-him exactly what [he]638-him ’s hitching [himself]638-him to . Clutch in hand , [I]0-i open [my]0-i front door and nearly choke on [my]0-i own saliva as [Breaker]68-breaker comes into view . This is . . . this is not the Breaker [I]0-i know , who wears [old junky Jack Skellington]124-old junky jack skellington T - shirts and backward hats because [he]68-breaker ’s too lazy to worry about [his]68-breaker hair . This is a different Breaker . [Sophisticated . Date Breaker]68-breaker . Wearing a pinstripe gray suit and deep black button - up with the top few buttons undone , [he]68-breaker looks so freaking good , like [he]68-breaker belongs in a magazine . [His]68-breaker pants are tight around [his]68-breaker thighs but loosen up around [his]68-breaker calves and ankles where the fabric stops . [He]68-breaker ’s wearing loafers with no socks , and [his]68-breaker hair is styled to the side in a messy way , giving [him]68-breaker a sultry look that [I]0-i was n’t expecting . And that tan chest , peeking out through the buttons of [his]68-breaker shirt , so easily reveals the slightest hint of corded muscle that identifies [him]68-breaker as [a man who spends a great deal of time in [the gym]313-the gym]639-a man who spends a great deal of time in the gym . [His]68-breaker suit fits [him]68-breaker like a glove , not an inch to spare of fabric . Handsome . Sexy . Arousing . All the adjectives that come to mind . “ Wow , [Lia]168-lia , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , taking [me]0-i in and pulling on the back of [his]68-breaker neck . “ Shit , [you]0-i look really good . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i ’m snapped back into reality as [I]0-i glance down at [my]0-i dress and black high heels and then back up at [him]68-breaker . “ Oh , thank [you]68-breaker . [I]0-i , uh , [I]0-i thought [I]0-i would match the fanciness of [my]0-i ring . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hold it out to show [him]68-breaker as if [he]68-breaker has n’t seen it before . “ See ? Fancy . And [I]0-i ’m fancy . [We]2433-we ’re all fancy . ”[0-i] [His]68-breaker brow creases . “ [You]68-breaker okay ? ”[0-i] “ Yes , great . Thank [you]68-breaker . Just telling [you]68-breaker [I]68-breaker ’m fancy . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker chuckles . “ All right , well , glad [we]2433-we established that . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker holds [his]68-breaker arm out for [me]0-i . “ Ready to go ? ”[68-breaker] “ Yeah , of course . So ready . Never been more ready . Just the most ready , so let ’s get this show on the road . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i ’re being weird , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [I]0-i lock up and then walk arm in arm with [him]68-breaker toward [the elevator]319-the elevator . Maybe because [you]0-i look really good . And smell nice . And have a sense of suave circling [you]0-i that [I]0-i was n’t prepared to see . “ No , [I]0-i ’m not . Ca n’t [a friend]2434-a friend just tell [another friend]2435-another friend how fancy [they]2435-another friend feel ? Is that a crime ? ”[0-i] “ Not that [I]0-i ’m aware of , but [I]0-i can google it if [you]68-breaker want [me]0-i to . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take a deep breath and step onto [the elevator]319-the elevator with [him]68-breaker . [His]68-breaker cologne ’s so heavy that it makes [me]0-i feel dizzy in an odd , perplexing way . [I]0-i ’ve never seen [him]68-breaker like this because [he]68-breaker ’s always been secretive about who [he]68-breaker takes out , how [he]68-breaker dates , and everything about [his]68-breaker sexual life . Whenever [I]0-i ’ve asked before , [he]68-breaker ’s been blasé about it , not diving too deep , never showing emotion or interest in the topic . But seeing [him]68-breaker like this , it ’s all so different . “ Why have [you]68-breaker always been secretive ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i nearly shout . “ Err , what ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks , letting go of [my]0-i arm and facing [me]0-i as [we]643-we descend to [the main lobby of [[our]643-we apartment complex]645-our apartment complex]644-the main lobby of our apartment complex . “ With dating , [you]68-breaker ’ve never talked about it . [You]68-breaker ’ve never told [me]68-breaker anything about [the women [you]68-breaker see]2436-the women you see . Why is that ? ”[68-breaker] “ Where is this coming from ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks as the elevator doors part . [[Breaker]68-breaker ’s car]646-breaker ’s car is waiting out front , [the valet with key in hand]647-the valet with key in hand . [I]0-i motion to [his]68-breaker suit . “ This is . . . this is not the Breaker [I]0-i ’m used to . [I]0-i do n’t see [you]68-breaker dress like this , all suave and , [you]68-breaker know . . . handsome . ”[0-i] [I]0-i gulp . And that stupid smirk of [his]68-breaker appears as [he]68-breaker says , “ Yeah , well , [I]68-breaker never see [you]0-i like this either . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker motions to [me]0-i and says , “ All dressed up and . . . beautiful . Normally , [I]68-breaker hang out with [the troll lady who lives next door and has a penchant for eating green olives straight from the jar]2437-the troll lady who lives next door and has a penchant for eating green olives straight from the jar . ”[68-breaker] [My]0-i eyes widen , and [I]0-i push [him]68-breaker to the side , causing [him]68-breaker to laugh . “ [I]0-i ’m not [a troll lady]2438-a troll lady . ”[0-i] Now the part about the olives , that ’s true . “ [Your]0-i matted hair the other day told [me]68-breaker otherwise . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker tips [the valet]648-the valet and then opens the door for [me]0-i , but when [I]0-i get in , [he]68-breaker does n’t shut the door right away . [He]68-breaker rests [his]68-breaker hands on the roof and says , “ [I]68-breaker do n’t talk about it much because there is n’t much to talk about . And [I]68-breaker ’m not [the type of guy who runs around to [[his]68-breaker friends]2440-his friends , telling [them]2440-his friends about the pussy [I]68-breaker scored the night before]2439-the type of guy who runs around to his friends , telling them about the pussy i scored the night before . But if [you]0-i so desire , [I]68-breaker can start doing that . ”[68-breaker] “ Do [you]0-i score a lot ? ”[68-breaker] “ More than [you]0-i ’re probably aware , but since [you]0-i ’re curious , [I]0-i ’ve gone through a bit of a drought as of recently . Just have n’t had time . [I]0-i think [the last woman [I]0-i was with]2441-the last woman i was with , if [you]0-i must know , is [[your]0-i friend]2442-your friend [Charise]126-charise , [the one [you]0-i hooked [me]0-i up with for [Huxley]92-jp ’s wedding]2443-the one you hooked me up with for huxley ’s wedding . ”[0-i] “ Wait , seriously ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [You]649-he hooked up with [Charise]126-charise ? ”[0-i] “ A few times . ”[649-he] [He]649-he winks and then shuts the door on [me]0-i , leaving [me]0-i in a state of bewilderment . When [he]649-he climbs into [his]649-he side of [the car]316-the car , [I]0-i ask , “ A few times ? Like . . . more than once ? ”[0-i] “ That ’s usually what a few times means . ”[649-he] [He]649-he puts [the car]316-the car in drive and pulls away from [the apartment building]652-the apartment building . “ But [she]2443-the one you hooked me up with for huxley ’s wedding never said anything to [me]649-he . [You]649-he never said anything to [me]649-he . How am [I]649-he supposed to know [you]649-he ’re hooking up with [[my]649-he friend]2142-my friend ? Did anything come of it ? ”[649-he] “ Triplets , actually . Not [humans]2445-humans , [puppies]2446-puppies . [She]2443-the one you hooked me up with for huxley ’s wedding has custody , but [I]0-i have visitation rights . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’m being serious , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[0-i] [I]0-i push at [his]649-he shoulder , causing [him]649-he to laugh . “ Nah , it was just sex . Neither of [us]653-us was looking for anything serious , plus there was no connection other than a carnal one . ”[0-i] [He]649-he wiggles [his]649-he eyebrows . “ Ew , do n’t say carnal . ”[649-he] [I]0-i fold [my]0-i arms and sink into [my]0-i seat while [Breaker]68-breaker drives [us]653-us toward [downtown]654-downtown , where [Brian]100-brian made a reservation . “ So [you]0-i ’re just out there dating , having a good time , and not telling [me]68-breaker about it ? ”[68-breaker] “ Why would [I]649-he tell [you]0-i ? Just so [you]0-i can push [me]649-he and say ew ? ”[649-he] [he]649-he asks in a teasing tone . “ Well , yeah . ”[649-he] [He]649-he chuckles . “ Thanks , but [I]649-he think [I]649-he ’ll pass . ”[649-he] “ So tonight , are [you]649-he going to be all . . . touchy - feely and Date Breaker ? ”[68-breaker] “ If [you]649-he ’re staring [me]68-breaker down the whole time , then no . Not sure [I]68-breaker can put on the moves when [your]649-he judgmental glare is directed [my]68-breaker way . ”[68-breaker] “ Judgmental ? Nothing about [me]649-he is judgmental . ”[649-he] “ Ha ! ”[649-he] [He]649-he guffaws . “ [Lia]168-lia , [you]0-i were judging [Birdy]118-birdy earlier today when [you]0-i saw that [she]118-birdy likes romantic comedies . ”[649-he] “ Uh , [you]0-i used to make fun of them until apparently recently , thanks to [[your]0-i sisters - in - law]2447-your sisters - in - law . The question really is , do [I]649-he even know [you]0-i at all , [Breaker]68-breaker ? ”[649-he] “ [You]168-lia tell [me]649-he . ”[649-he] [He]649-he grips the steering wheel so [he]649-he ’s only using one hand while the other falls to the armrest , and for a moment , [I]0-i think about [him]649-he driving [Birdy]118-birdy around . Would [he]649-he place [his]649-he hand on [her]118-birdy thigh ? Would [he]649-he lace [their]655-their fingers together ? Would [he]649-he bring [their]655-their connection to [his]649-he lips and place a gentle kiss to [her]118-birdy perfectly lotioned knuckles ? [I]0-i could n’t imagine [Breaker]68-breaker doing any of this , then again , it ’s because [I]0-i ’ve never seen that side of [him]649-he . Out of all the years [we]656-we ’ve known [each other]288-each other , [I]0-i ’ve never observed [him]649-he with [a woman]658-a woman . “ Name [my]0-i biggest fear . ”[0-i] “ [We]656-we do n’t need to do this , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say on a sigh . “ Yes , [we]656-we do . ”[649-he] [He]649-he pokes [my]0-i leg . “ Come on , what ’s [my]649-he biggest fear ? And [you]0-i ’re the only one who knows this . ”[649-he] “ House fire where [you]0-i ca n’t get [your]0-i signed [Lord of the Rings memorabilia]2448-lord of the rings memorabilia out of [the house]2449-the house fast enough , and [you]0-i lose it . ”[649-he] [He]649-he winces and pats [his]649-he heart . “ Still gets [me]649-he just thinking about it . [My]649-he turn , [you]0-i ask [me]649-he a question about [you]0-i . ”[649-he] “ Why are [we]656-we doing this ? ”[649-he] “ To prove to [you]0-i that [we]656-we know [each other]288-each other better than [any other person]2451-any other person and that will never change . So go ahead , ask [me]649-he a question . ”[649-he] “ Fine . What is [my]649-he least favorite childhood memory ? ”[649-he] “ The day [you]0-i got [your]0-i period . [You]0-i were at [[a friend]2434-a friend ’s house]2453-a friend ’s house for a sleepover and got it in the middle of the night on the sleeping bag [you]0-i borrowed from [[your]0-i friend]2442-your friend . [She]2442-your friend made [you]0-i feel bad because [you]0-i stained it , and then [you]0-i had to wait for [[your]0-i mom]2455-your mom to pick [you]0-i up . [Courtney]127-courtney is [a real bitch who [I]649-he hope burns in hell]2456-a real bitch who i hope burns in hell . ”[649-he] That makes [me]0-i smile . “ [She]2442-your friend did n’t have to torment [me]649-he about the stain , that ’s for sure . ”[649-he] “ Yeah , well , hopefully , karma has repaid [her]2442-your friend in the form of a corn on the bottom of [her]2442-your friend foot . That shit is painful . ”[649-he] “ [One]2457-one could only hope . ”[649-he] “ Okay , what is [my]659-i least favorite childhood memory ? ”[659-i] [he]659-i asks . That ’s easy . [I]0-i remember the day [we]660-we talked about it . It was [our]660-we senior year in college . [We]660-we went to a frat party but ended up chatting on [the porch]661-the porch the whole night . [We]660-we both had a few drinks , but nothing that would impair [our]660-we cognitive behavior . [He]659-i leaned back on [his]659-i hands and told [me]0-i all about the day [he]659-i lost [[his]659-i dad]662-his dad . “ When [[your]0-i dad]2458-your dad passed away , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer softly . “ And how [you]0-i wish [you]0-i told [him]2458-your dad [you]0-i loved [him]2458-your dad more than [you]0-i did . How [you]0-i regret not saying that to [him]2458-your dad enough . [I]0-i remember that like it was yesterday because [I]0-i clung to that and always told [[my]0-i parents]2089-my parents [I]0-i loved [them]2089-my parents after that . ”[0-i] [He]659-i slowly nods . “ And [you]0-i ’re [the only person who knows that . [I]659-i never told [[my]659-i brothers]317-my brothers . [I]659-i never told [another soul]2462-another soul . So [I]659-i might not talk about the menial things like [the girls [I]659-i take out or hook up with because it has no value to [our]2464-our friendship]2463-the girls i take out or hook up with because it has no value to our friendship]2460-the only person who knows that . i never told my brothers . i never told another soul . so i might not talk about the menial things like the girls i take out or hook up with because it has no value to our friendship . But the important things ? Those are the things [I]659-i tell [you]0-i about , and that ’s what should matter the most . ”[659-i] “ Why are [you]659-i trying to make [me]0-i emotional ? ”[0-i] “ [I]659-i ’m not trying to make [you]0-i emotional . ”[659-i] [He]659-i reaches across the console and grabs [my]0-i hand . “ [I]659-i ’m just trying to tell [you]0-i that no matter what happens , [you]0-i will always know [me]659-i best , and there ’s a reason for that . [You]0-i ’re [[my]659-i best friend]2156-my best friend , [Lia]168-lia . Nothing can come between that . [I]659-i wo n’t let it happen . Hence [us]2464-our driving [downtown]654-downtown to go on a double date . ”[659-i] “ [You]659-i ’re [a really good guy]2467-a really good guy , [you]659-i know that , [Breaker]68-breaker ? ”[0-i] “ [I]659-i try . ”[659-i] [His]659-i grin stretches from ear to ear . “ Now , let [me]659-i show [you]0-i a new song that [I]659-i ’ve been simping over . ”[659-i] “ Oh [my]0-i God , do not say simping . [You]68-breaker can not pull it off . ”[0-i] “ Says who ? ”[659-i] [he]659-i asks with feigned insult . “ Says [me]659-i . ”[659-i] “ And who made [you]659-i [the authority]2468-the authority ? ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i did . ”[0-i] “ Ehh , that ’s fair . ”[659-i] [He]659-i casually shrugs . [I]0-i laugh as [he]659-i cues up [his]659-i new favorite song . [Breaker]68-breaker is right . Nothing can come between [us]663-we . Nothing at all . Chapter Five BREAKER [Birdy]118-birdy ’s picture did not do [her]118-birdy justice . Not even a little . [She]118-birdy ’s stunning . And sweet . [I]0-i almost half expected [her]118-birdy to be beautiful but stuck up in some way . Or lacking personality . That ’s not the case at all . [She]118-birdy seems very down - to - earth and shy . At least that ’s what [I]0-i picked up while [we]663-we were waiting to be seated . When [we]663-we arrived at [the restaurant]664-the restaurant , [Brian]100-brian was already here , talking on [his]665-he phone , but the moment [we]663-we stepped up , [he]665-he got off the phone and pulled [Lia]168-lia into a big hug while telling [her]168-lia how beautiful [she]168-lia looked . And [he]665-he ’s right . [I]0-i do n’t want to say this because it will sound corny , but when [she]168-lia opened the door to [[her]168-lia apartment]323-her apartment , [she]168-lia took [my]0-i breath away . [I]0-i ’ve always considered [Lia]168-lia gorgeous , but seeing [her]168-lia in that dress , yeah , [she]168-lia looks really fucking good . But [I]0-i quickly tamped down that initial reaction to [her]168-lia appearance because it would do [me]0-i no good . [I]0-i realized that back in college after [I]0-i saw [her]168-lia dressed up for the first time for a date . [I]0-i was so taken aback that [I]0-i started to crush on [her]168-lia . And [I]0-i quickly realized what a bad idea that was , given how much [I]0-i cherished [our]667-we friendship , so [I]0-i tucked away those feelings , and [I]0-i ’ve been able to block them out . Every so often , [they]668-they appear , but [I]0-i know better . [Tonight]128-tonight is no exception . Whereas [Birdy]118-birdy is stunning , [you]669-you can tell [she]118-birdy does a lot to [her]118-birdy appearance . On the other hand , [Lia]168-lia ’s just naturally beautiful with [her]168-lia deep , mossy - green eyes and adorable freckles . Once [Brian]100-brian stopped kissing [Lia]168-lia — quite uncomfortable to witness — [Birdy]118-birdy stepped up , looking all shy . [Brian]100-brian introduced [us]667-we , and [we]667-we spoke for a few moments before [we]667-we were directed to [our]667-we seats . Now that [we]667-we ’re at a table , four chairs around a square setting , [Birdy]118-birdy sits on one side of [me]0-i and [Lia]168-lia on the other . “ Have [you]168-lia been [here]249-here before ? ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian asks . “ [I]0-i do n’t believe [I]0-i have , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ What about [you]168-lia , [Birdy]118-birdy ? ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia shakes [her]168-lia head . “ No , it ’s probably [the fanciest place [I]168-lia ’ve been]2470-the fanciest place i ’ve been . ”[168-lia] “ Well , [the wagyu]2471-the wagyu is magnificent if [you]168-lia like steak , ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian says , staring down at [his]670-his menu . “ And please , feel free to get whatever [you]168-lia like . Dinner is on [me]100-brian . ”[100-brian] “ Oh , that ’s not necessary , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [Brian]100-brian looks up from [his]670-his menu . [His]670-his jaw grows tight with a smile . “ This was [my]670-his idea . Therefore , [I]670-his ’ll be treating [everyone]2071-everyone . ”[670-his] [You]0-i can see it in [his]670-his eyes . The insecurity . [He]670-his knows how much [I]0-i ’m worth — it ’s easy to look up — yet [he]670-his feels the need to prove [he]670-his can keep up . There is nothing to prove and no competition . Therefore , [I]0-i just leave it in [his]670-his hands . If [he]670-his wants to pay for [my]0-i dinner , by all means , [he]670-his can pay for it . “ Well , thank [you]670-his . That ’s really kind of [you]670-his , [Brian]100-brian , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , feeling [my]0-i professional side come out , and [I]0-i can see [Lia]168-lia chuckling behind [her]168-lia menu from the corner of [my]0-i eye . [She]168-lia always makes fun of [my]0-i professional side . [She]168-lia thinks it ’s hilarious when [I]0-i drop the sarcasm and am on [my]0-i best behavior . [She]168-lia says it ’s like witnessing [children]671-children visiting [[their]671-children grandparents]672-their grandparents . [They]671-children ’re always on [their]671-children best behavior , minding [their]671-children manners , and never saying anything that would ruffle [anyone]2080-anyone ’s feathers . After [the server]569-the server takes [our]675-our order , [I]0-i decide to get to know [Birdy]118-birdy better . By the way , [she]118-birdy ordered a salad with dressing on the side , no croutons , no onions , and no cheese . So basically , just lettuce and meat . Does n’t [she]118-birdy know that the croutons are the best part ? “ So where are [you]118-birdy from ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask [her]118-birdy . “ Originally [Tennessee]17-tennessee , but [I]118-birdy ’ve lived in [Los Angeles]6-los angeles for the past ten years . [I]118-birdy went to [school]2473-school [here]249-here and loved it so much [I]118-birdy decided to stay . ”[118-birdy] “ Hard to leave [California]18-california once [you]118-birdy live [here]249-here . Did [you]118-birdy study marketing in [school]2473-school ? ”[118-birdy] [She]118-birdy nods and pushes [her]118-birdy hair behind [her]118-birdy ear . “ [I]118-birdy did . And [[my]118-birdy master]2477-my master ’s . [I]118-birdy ’ve always been good at spinning a good story to sell something . ”[118-birdy] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ It takes a creative mind to be in [your]118-birdy field . When [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers and [I]0-i first started building [our]2479-our business , [we]2479-our had to work on [our]2479-our marketing , and [Huxley]92-jp , [[my]0-i eldest brother]2480-my eldest brother , thought it would be smart to give [me]0-i the job of branding . ”[0-i] [I]0-i lift [my]0-i water glass up to [my]0-i lips . “ Let ’s just say that did n’t go over well . ”[0-i] “ Oh come on , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia chimes in . “ [I]168-lia really liked the logo [you]0-i created . ”[168-lia] “ Do n’t even bring it up , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i move [my]0-i hand over [my]0-i face . “ Oh goodness , ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy says . “ [I]118-birdy have to see this now . Do [you]0-i have a picture ? ”[118-birdy] “ [I]168-lia do , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia replies while taking [her]168-lia phone out of [her]168-lia clutch . “ [I]168-lia have a folder in [my]168-lia phone of all of the embarrassing things [Breaker]68-breaker has done over the years . It comes in handy when [I]168-lia need to ground [him]68-breaker . ”[168-lia] “ Which is not often , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , trying to make sure [Birdy]118-birdy knows [I]0-i ’m not [some egomaniac]676-some egomaniac . “ Often enough to have a folder . ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia flips through [her]168-lia phone and then turns the screen toward [Birdy]118-birdy . “ So [he]68-breaker combined an H for [Huxley]92-jp , a J for [JP]92-jp , and a B for [him]68-breaker all together with a C as well . ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy cringes . “ It looks like a bunch of crumpled - up letters . ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia laughs . “ [He]68-breaker was going for simple . ”[168-lia] “ To [my]569-the server defense , [I]569-the server had no right being in charge of this . [I]569-the server never said [I]569-the server had any design experience , and it was poor judgment on [[my]569-the server brothers]317-my brothers ’ part for putting [me]569-the server in charge of this task . But [I]569-the server was smart enough to suck at it , which made [us]678-we spend the money to get it done professionally . ”[569-the server] “ Smart , ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy says . “ Always leave it to [the professionals]2482-the professionals . ”[118-birdy] [The server]569-the server comes up to [our]678-we table with the bottle of wine that [Brian]100-brian ordered , and while [he]569-the server samples it to make sure it ’s what [he]569-the server ’s looking for , [I]0-i ask [Birdy]118-birdy if [she]118-birdy has [any siblings]679-any siblings . “ Just [a brother]2483-a brother . But [he]2483-a brother ’s ten years older than [me]0-i , so [we]678-we ’ve never been super close . Not like [best friends]273-best friends , but [we]678-we do look out for [each other]288-each other . But [friends]2146-friends , probably not like [you]118-birdy and [[your]118-birdy brothers]2386-your brothers , [I]0-i assume . [You]118-birdy must be close to work together . ”[0-i] “ Very close , sometimes obnoxiously close . [We]678-we get into [each other]288-each other ’s business way too much . When [I]680-you ’m the one who is n’t needing help or has n’t done something stupid , [I]680-you enjoy watching the drama unfold . ”[680-you] “ Would [you]680-you say [you]680-you ’re in charge of mediation in [[your]680-you family]2210-your family ? ”[168-lia] “ [I]0-i am , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say in surprise as [I]0-i turn more toward [her]680-you . [Brian]100-brian must have approved the wine because [the server]569-the server starts filling up the wineglasses . “ Does it seem like [I]569-the server would be [the mediating type]2490-the mediating type ? ”[569-the server] “ [You]680-you ’re very calm . [You]680-you have this air about [you]680-you that makes [me]0-i think that [you]680-you like to keep the peace . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i do , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ Do n’t care much for drama . ”[0-i] “ Pffft , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says next to [me]0-i . [I]0-i glance over [my]0-i shoulder . “ Care to weigh in ? ”[0-i] “ Uh , senior year , the second semester during the Scrabble championships , [you]680-you were living for the drama . [You]680-you were part of the drama . Flirting with [two girls from [the same team]2492-the same team]2491-two girls from the same team , creating an uproar when [they]2491-two girls from the same team found out . . . in the middle of the game . ”[0-i] “ That ’s not drama , [Lia]168-lia . That ’s called strategic Scrabble play . ”[0-i] [I]0-i tap the side of [my]0-i temple . “ Mental fortitude is a key component to winning championships , and if [you]680-you can mess with [[your]680-you opponent]2493-your opponent in any way to throw off that mental fortitude , then [you]680-you have to . So yeah , [I]0-i took one for [the team]2353-the team and flirted with [two women]2495-two women . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn to [Birdy]118-birdy and add , “ [I]0-i do n’t ever do that in real life , just need to put that out there . ”[0-i] [She]118-birdy smiles softly . “ Does n’t seem like [you]0-i would be [that kind of guy]2496-that kind of guy . ”[118-birdy] “ Hey , [Lia]168-lia , why do n’t [we]2497-we go stand out on [the balcony]2231-the balcony while the food takes some time to cook , give [these two]2499-these two some alone time to chat ? ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian says with a nauseating wink . “ Oh , sure , yeah , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says while [she]168-lia lifts from [her]168-lia chair and joins [Brian]100-brian . [I]0-i can tell from the stiffness in [her]168-lia response and the hesitation in [her]168-lia step , the last thing [she]168-lia wants to do is give [Birdy]118-birdy and [me]0-i space . No , [she]168-lia wants to be [a voyeur]682-a voyeur , watching and listening to every second of this interaction . If the roles were reversed , [I]0-i would be the same way . “ [They]2499-these two ’re so cute together , ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy says . “ Yeah , they are , ”[118-birdy] [I]0-i reply , even though it feels like a lie coming out of [my]0-i mouth . “ So [you]0-i met [Lia]168-lia in college ? ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy asks . “ Yeah , [we]2499-these two were part of [a secret Scrabble group]2500-a secret scrabble group , and [she]168-lia was very impressive with [her]168-lia spelling skills . After [her]168-lia first night , [we]2499-these two sort of bonded over all things that interested [us]2499-these two , and [we]2499-these two ’ve been [best friends]273-best friends since . ”[118-birdy] “ That ’s so cool . What were some of the things [you]0-i bonded over ? ”[118-birdy] “ Uhh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i look off to the side and then lean a little closer . “ If [I]0-i tell [you]683-her , it might deter [you]683-her from wanting to stick around on this date because [Lia]168-lia and [I]0-i do n’t usually like mainstream popular things . ”[0-i] “ Try [me]683-her . ”[683-her] [She]683-her brings [her]683-her wine up to [her]683-her pink - painted lips . “ [I]683-her might surprise [you]0-i . ”[683-her] “ Okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i rub [my]0-i hands together and turn toward [her]683-her . “ [I]0-i have a deep obsession for Lord of the Rings . [I]0-i read the books when [I]0-i was younger , became quickly obsessed , and have n’t looked back since . [I]0-i ’ve dressed up as [Gandalf]129-gandalf for Halloween far too many times for [me]0-i to count . [I]0-i enjoy building [model airplanes]2502-model airplanes and flying them . [I]0-i find it incredibly soothing . [I]0-i ’m [an avid board gamer]2503-an avid board gamer . [I]0-i will try any game at least once . [I]0-i prefer the ones where [I]0-i go on a quest . Sports do n’t really interest [me]0-i . [I]0-i ’ll watch them , but [I]0-i ’m not [a diehard fan]2504-a diehard fan . [I]0-i ’ve been known to enjoy a comic book from time to time , but nothing mainstream like [Marvel]130-marvel or DC . There ’s this one line of comic books about [Sherlock Holmes]131-sherlock holmes that [I]0-i really enjoy reading . [I]0-i ’m tempting the line of becoming [a Disney adult]2505-a disney adult . [I]0-i ’m [an annual ticket holder]2506-an annual ticket holder , will attend the Halloween party every year , and have a sick obsession with The Nightmare Before Christmas as well as [Mulan]132-mulan . The montage where [she]118-birdy ‘ becomes [a man]2121-a man ’ gives [me]0-i chills every time . And [my]0-i favorite movie is [The Thin Man]133-the thin man . There ’s a whole series of them , and in the late fall , there ’s [an old movie theater downtown]2508-an old movie theater downtown that will put on a marathon of them . [Lia]168-lia and [I]0-i go every year . ”[0-i] [Birdy]118-birdy sips [her]118-birdy wine and pauses for a moment . After a few seconds , [she]118-birdy finally says , “ [A hot nerd]2509-a hot nerd , [I]118-birdy think [I]118-birdy can get on board with that . ”[118-birdy] [I]0-i let out a chuckle and lift [my]0-i glass to [hers]118-birdy , where [we]684-we clink them and sip . * * * “ What do [you]0-i think , [man]2061-man ? ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian asks . “ [She]118-birdy ’s great , is n’t [she]118-birdy ? ”[100-brian] [Birdy]118-birdy excused [herself]118-birdy to [the bathroom]621-the bathroom after [her]118-birdy plate of salad was taken away by [the server]569-the server . [I]0-i shamelessly watched [her]118-birdy walk away with a pretty hefty sway to [her]118-birdy hips that [I]0-i appreciated . “ Yeah , [she]118-birdy ’s pretty awesome , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i pat [my]0-i mouth with [my]0-i cloth napkin and then set it on the table . “ Seems like [we]2511-we have some differences when it comes to interests , but [she]118-birdy did say [she]118-birdy enjoys hiking , which is a plus . ”[0-i] [Lia]168-lia has been quiet for a while . Well , most of the dinner , actually . [Brian]100-brian has been talking to [her]168-lia about work while [Birdy]118-birdy and [I]0-i have been conversing . “ Did [you]0-i tell [her]118-birdy that [you]0-i like birdwatching when [you]0-i hike ? ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia asks . “ Uh , skipped out on the part where [I]100-brian mention [my]100-brian binoculars , bucket hat , and notebook . ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian laughs . “ [I]100-brian bet that ’s a sight to behold . ”[100-brian] “ [Not many people]2512-not many people get to see that side of [me]168-lia for that reason . ”[168-lia] “ [I]168-lia do n’t know . [I]168-lia think the bucket hat looks good , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says , [her]168-lia eyes flashing toward [me]0-i . [Brian]100-brian shifts in [his]687-his chair and clears [his]687-his throat . “ So would [I]687-his be safe to assume that [you]168-lia ’ll be driving [Birdy]118-birdy [home]373-home tonight ? ”[687-his] “ If [she]118-birdy needs a ride , sure , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ Will [you]687-his be asking [her]118-birdy out again ? ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia asks softly . [I]0-i shrug . “ [I]0-i do n’t know . Maybe . [She]118-birdy seems cool , and getting to know [her]118-birdy without an audience who likes to share embarrassing pictures might be helpful . ”[0-i] “ But those are the best pic — ”[118-birdy] “ Well , do n’t let [us]2514-us keep [you]168-lia , ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian says just as [Birdy]118-birdy approaches . [I]0-i do n’t fail to notice how [he]687-his cut [Lia]168-lia off , or how [she]168-lia slinks back in [her]168-lia chair from the abrupt interruption . [Brian]100-brian stands from [his]687-his chair and buttons up [his]687-his suit jacket . “ [I]100-brian ’ve already taken care of the bill . [Lia]168-lia and [I]100-brian are going to head out as it ’s a bit of a drive to [Malibu]12-malibu . ”[100-brian] “ Yeah , of course , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i stand as well . Way to make this incredibly awkward with a blunt goodbye . There was no interlude , just a short - snipped [we]688-we ’re leaving . Wanting to make sure [Lia]168-lia is okay , [I]0-i turn to [her]168-lia and pull [her]168-lia into a hug . “ [You]168-lia good ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask softly . [She]168-lia nods against [my]0-i shoulder , so [I]0-i take that as [her]168-lia answer and say , “ Have a good weekend . ”[0-i] “ Okay . Thanks , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says softly , [her]168-lia voice sounding strange . [I]0-i ’m about to ask [her]168-lia if [she]168-lia ’s sure everything is okay , but [I]0-i think twice of it , not wanting to spark any questioning from [Brian]100-brian . So [I]0-i release [Lia]168-lia and say , “ Text [me]0-i about next week and [your]168-lia appointments . [You]168-lia know [I]0-i ’ll be at all of them . ”[0-i] “ [I]168-lia will . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia smiles as [Brian]100-brian comes around and places [his]689-his hand on [her]168-lia lower back . [He]689-his lends out [his]689-his hand and offers [me]0-i a shake . “ Good seeing [you]0-i , [Breaker]68-breaker . Have fun , the night is still early . Maybe take [Birdy]118-birdy out for dessert . ”[689-his] No pressure . [Jesus]90-jesus christ . “ Sure , thanks again for dinner . ”[90-jesus christ] [They]690-they both take off , and [I]0-i turn to [Birdy]118-birdy . [She]118-birdy ’s standing there , unsure of what to do , with [her]118-birdy clutch tightly in [her]118-birdy hand . “ So . ”[118-birdy] [I]0-i stick [my]0-i hands in [my]0-i pockets . “ Uh . . . when [I]118-birdy go on hikes , it ’s more for birdwatching . ”[118-birdy] [She]118-birdy laughs . “ Just want to put that out there before [I]118-birdy ask if [you]0-i want to get dessert . ”[118-birdy] “ Birdwatching , huh ? Seems like a good time . Do n’t know much about birds , but [I]118-birdy do n’t mind learning . ”[118-birdy] “ If that ’s the case , would [you]0-i like to go for dessert ? ”[118-birdy] “ [I]118-birdy would love it . ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy loops [her]118-birdy arm through [mine]0-i , and [we]691-we walk out of [the restaurant]664-the restaurant together . * * * “ Okay , this cheesecake is amazing , ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy says as [she]118-birdy takes another bite . “ The raspberry swirl should be illegal . ”[118-birdy] “ [I]0-i told [you]118-birdy it was good , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i take another bite . “ And [you]118-birdy doubted [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ [I]118-birdy did n’t doubt [you]118-birdy . [I]118-birdy was just thrown off . [I]118-birdy was n’t expecting to grab dessert from [a food truck]2515-a food truck . ”[118-birdy] “ [I]0-i live off [food trucks]2516-food trucks , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say while taking another bite . “ Near where [we]691-we live is [a taco truck]2517-a taco truck that makes the best fucking tacos with dipping sauce . [Lia]168-lia and [I]0-i try to limit [ourselves]691-we , but it does n’t help that [they]2516-food trucks ’re parked right around the corner . ”[0-i] “ Do [you]0-i and [Lia]168-lia eat dinner together often ? ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy asks . “ Uh , not really . Maybe like twice a week . Whenever [she]168-lia ’s not with [Brian]100-brian . ”[118-birdy] “ [I]0-i wish [I]0-i lived near [[my]0-i friends]2518-my friends . It would make it easier to hang out . ”[0-i] “ It is convenient . ”[693-i] [She]693-i picks at a piece of cheesecake and says , “ [I]693-i think [I]693-i ’m overstepping when [I]693-i ask this , but [I]693-i guess [I]693-i ’m just curious . Have [you]0-i and [Lia]168-lia ever been . . . romantic ? ”[693-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ Nah , [we]2519-we ’re just [friends]2146-friends . Never even thought about it . [I]0-i guess it ’s an honest question to ask when [you]0-i see [two people of the opposite sex]2521-two people of the opposite sex hanging out as much as [we]2519-we do . [[My]0-i brothers]317-my brothers always ask [me]0-i despite [me]0-i giving [them]317-my brothers the same answer . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’m sorry if that was inappropriate . [I]0-i was put through the wringer with [my]0-i last relationship , so [I]0-i guess [I]0-i just want to be up front and honest , not that this is a relationship or that [you]0-i want to ask [me]0-i out again , but just in case , [I]0-i like to cover everything . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i get that . [I]0-i ’ve , uh , [I]0-i ’ve never really been in anything serious , nor do [I]0-i date much . ”[0-i] “ Oh , really ? ”[694-she] [she]694-she asks . “ [I]694-she guess that was stupid of [me]694-she to assume otherwise . ”[694-she] “ No , not stupid . [We]2523-we did go on a double date , so [your]0-i assumption is valid . ”[0-i] [She]694-she sets [her]694-she fork down and crosses one leg over the other . “ So why do n’t [you]0-i date much , [Breaker]68-breaker ? [You]0-i seem like [a pretty levelheaded guy]2524-a pretty levelheaded guy . [Sweet . Kind . Thoughtful]134-sweet . kind . thoughtful . Why are n’t [you]0-i putting [yourself]0-i out there ? ”[694-she] “ Going deep tonight , are [we]2523-we ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i joke . “ Well , [I]0-i guess [I]0-i just have n’t found [the person [I]0-i want to spend more time with]2525-the person i want to spend more time with . It ’s not that [I]0-i ’m against dating , but [I]0-i just have n’t clicked with [someone enough]2526-someone enough to spend more time , if that makes sense . And with [my]0-i busy schedule , [I]0-i have n’t really put the feelers out there either . ”[0-i] [She]694-she nods . “ [I]694-she can understand that . ”[694-she] [She]694-she glances to the side and says , “ And [I]694-she guess [you]0-i ’re not that lonely because [you]0-i have [Lia]168-lia . ”[694-she] Very true . [Lia]168-lia keeps [me]0-i fully occupied when [I]0-i need it . “ Yeah , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer softly . “ So what happens after [she]168-lia gets married ? Do [you]0-i think [[you]0-i two]2100-you two will hang out as much ? And [I]0-i ask that not in a mean way , just trying to understand . ”[0-i] “ Do n’t worry about insulting [me]0-i or anything like that . [I]0-i get the curiosity . And [we]2100-you two talked about it a little today , said [we]2100-you two could find [a house near each other]2528-a house near each other , still hang out . ”[0-i] [I]0-i twist [my]0-i lips to the side . “ [I]0-i do n’t know . [I]0-i ’m not sure how much [we]2100-you two will see [each other]288-each other , though . [I]0-i know [we]2100-you two ’ll never forget about [each other]288-each other , but [I]0-i do know [our]2100-you two dinner dates will probably become few and far between . ”[0-i] “ [I]118-birdy can only imagine [they]2531-they would because married life is different , ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy states , confirming [my]0-i fears . “ It is . ”[118-birdy] [I]0-i bite down on [my]0-i lip . What does that mean for [me]0-i ? [I]0-i can tell [you]695-you what that means . It looks like [I]0-i ’m going to be a whole bunch of lonely soon . “ Shit , [Birdy]118-birdy , looks like [I]118-birdy need to start dating . ”[118-birdy] [She]118-birdy laughs and pats [my]0-i hand . “ Well , when [you]0-i ’re ready . ”[118-birdy] [I]0-i look up at [her]118-birdy and smile . “ Maybe [I]0-i could be ready . What do [you]118-birdy think ? Would [you]0-i want to do this again ? Maybe not with such a sad ending talking about [my]0-i pathetic life ? ”[0-i] “ It ’s not pathetic at all . [I]118-birdy actually think it ’s sweet . [[My]118-birdy mom]2233-my mom always told [me]118-birdy that true friendships are hard to find , but they are the most important things to hang on to . What [you]0-i have with [Lia]168-lia is so special . [You]0-i want to hang on to that . ”[118-birdy] “ [I]0-i do . But [I]0-i think [you]0-i ’re right . Married life will be different , and [I]0-i might not be lonely now when [I]0-i have [her]168-lia , but that will change after [she]168-lia ’s married . It ’s about time [I]0-i put [myself]0-i out there . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take [Birdy]118-birdy ’s hand in [mine]0-i . “ Would [you]118-birdy like to go on a second date with [me]0-i ? Maybe a hike ? [I]0-i can show [you]118-birdy some birds . ”[0-i] [She]118-birdy smiles brightly . “ [I]118-birdy would love that . ”[118-birdy] * * * Beep . Beep . Beep . [I]0-i grumble under [my]0-i breath and peel [my]0-i eyes open as [I]0-i glance at [my]0-i phone that is lit up . Who the hell is texting [me]0-i ? With blurry eyes , [I]0-i bring the phone closer to [my]0-i face and note the time . 1:15 a.m. This better be fucking important . [I]0-i glance at the sender and see that it ’s from [Lia]168-lia . [I]0-i rub [my]0-i eyes a few times and then swipe on [her]168-lia text to read it . [Lia]168-lia : Hey , [you]0-i up ? [Lia]168-lia : [You]0-i never texted [me]0-i after [your]0-i date . [Lia]168-lia : Are [you]0-i still with [her]168-lia ? Groaning , [I]0-i get comfortable on [my]0-i side , and [I]0-i text [her]168-lia back . Breaker : [You]0-i know , this is a conversation that could be had in the morning . [Lia]168-lia : Oh , [you]0-i are awake . Look at that . [Breaker]68-breaker : Because of [you]0-i . [Lia]168-lia : Oops * charmingly smiles * Breaker : * Rejects the charming smile * [Lia]168-lia : Do n’t be mad , [I]0-i could n’t sleep , and [I]0-i was curious . So . . . how did it go with [Birdy]118-birdy ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Are [we]696-we really doing this right now ? [Lia]168-lia : Yes . [I]0-i groan again and text [her]168-lia back . Breaker : Good . [She]168-lia ’s pretty cool . [We]696-we have few obvious things in common , but [she]168-lia was super nice , sweet , and pretty of course . [Lia]168-lia : Of course . Did [you]0-i invite [her]168-lia back to [[your]0-i place]2284-your place ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Seriously ? No . [I]0-i barely know [her]168-lia . [Lia]168-lia : As if that has prevented [you]0-i before . Breaker : This is different . [Lia]168-lia : How is this different ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Because [I]0-i ’m trying something new . [Lia]168-lia : Something new ? Tell [me]0-i more . . . [Breaker]68-breaker : [I]0-i thought [I]0-i would try to date [her]168-lia . [Lia]168-lia : Wait . . . seriously ? But [you]0-i do n’t date . [Breaker]68-breaker : Yeah , [I]0-i know , but with [you]168-lia getting married soon and [your]168-lia time being consumed with [[your]168-lia soon - to - be husband]698-your soon - to - be husband , [I]0-i figured [I]0-i should maybe find [someone to]699-someone to , [you]168-lia know . . . be compatible with . There is n’t a response . For a few minutes , and [I]0-i wonder if [I]0-i said something wrong or if [she]168-lia fell asleep until [my]0-i phone rings in [my]0-i hand . Seeing [her]168-lia name scroll across the screen , [I]0-i pick up and put [my]0-i phone on speaker so [I]0-i can rest it against [my]0-i pillow and talk . “ Hello ? ”[168-lia] In a hushed voice , [she]168-lia asks , “ Are [you]0-i trying to replace [me]168-lia ? ”[168-lia] “ What ? No . Why would [you]0-i say that ? ”[168-lia] “ That last text , it sounds like [you]0-i ’re trying to find a replacement . ”[168-lia] “ [Lia]168-lia , come on , [you]168-lia know [I]168-lia ’m not trying to replace [you]168-lia . [You]168-lia could never be replaced , but let ’s be honest , as much as [we]2533-we like to believe things wo n’t change , [they]2534-they will . [Brian]100-brian will be [your]168-lia top priority once [you]168-lia ’re married , and [you]168-lia ca n’t let anything get in the way . Which means [I]168-lia ’m going to have some free time . [I]168-lia do n’t want to be sitting around in [[my]168-lia apartment]338-my apartment by [myself]168-lia all the time , so maybe it ’s time [I]168-lia go out and find [someone]2072-someone . ”[168-lia] “ [You]168-lia wo n’t be alone . [We]2533-we ’re going to live next to [each other]288-each other , remember ? ”[0-i] “ Still , [Brian]100-brian wo n’t want [me]168-lia over all the time , [Lia]168-lia . Face it , things are changing , and that ’s okay . [We]2533-we knew the time would come . ”[168-lia] “ But . . . [I]700-i do n’t want things to change , ”[700-i] [she]700-i says softly . “ [I]700-i like things the way they are . ”[700-i] God , so do [I.]701-i. [I]0-i liked it when [I]0-i had full access to [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers too , but [that ship]703-that ship has sailed . It ’s life , [I]0-i guess . But [I]0-i ca n’t ignore this opportunity . [I]0-i swallow hard and then say , “ So then why did [you]700-i say yes to [his]704-him proposal ? ”[0-i] [She]700-i ’s quiet , and [I]0-i know it ’s a question [I]0-i do n’t think [she]700-i knows how to truly answer other than the generic statement . “ Because [I]700-i love [him]704-him . ”[700-i] But are [you]700-i in love with [him]704-him ? [I]0-i want to ask [her]700-i that so bad , but [I]0-i also do n’t want to cause drama . [I]0-i do n’t want [her]700-i second - guessing [herself]700-i . If [she]700-i says [she]700-i loves [him]704-him , then [I]0-i need to believe that . “ Well , then , this is what happens when [you]0-i fall in love , [Lia]168-lia . Things change . ”[700-i] [She]700-i ’s silent again and then says , “ But [Birdy]118-birdy ? [She]118-birdy does n’t seem like [a person [you]0-i would go out with]2538-a person you would go out with . ”[700-i] “ Why do [you]0-i say that ? ”[700-i] “ Well . . . ”[700-i] [I]0-i can hear [her]700-i take a deep breath . “ [You]0-i do n’t have a lot in common . [She]118-birdy seems like [the popular girl type]2539-the popular girl type , and [you]0-i ’re more on the interesting scale . ”[700-i] “ Interesting ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i laugh . “ Please describe that for [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i just have different interests that do n’t match up . ”[700-i] “ And [you]700-i and [Brian]100-brian have interests that match up ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask before [I]0-i can stop [myself]0-i . “ Last time [I]0-i checked , [he]2540-he thinks it ’s lame that [you]700-i and [I]0-i freak out over a new board game . ”[0-i] “ [He]2540-he said that once . ”[700-i] “ Once is enough . ”[0-i] “ What are [you]700-i saying ? Do [you]700-i not want [me]0-i marrying [him]2540-he ? ”[0-i] No , [I]0-i would prefer that [you]0-i did n’t . “ [I]0-i did n’t say that . ”[0-i] [I]0-i drag [my]0-i hand over [my]0-i face . “ [I]0-i ’m just trying to say that sometimes interests do n’t match up , and that ’s okay . Look at [you]700-i and [Brian]100-brian . [You]700-i do n’t have everything in common , but [your]700-i relationship still works . Look , [I]0-i ’ve only met [Birdy]118-birdy once , so [I]0-i ’m not going to suggest that [I]0-i ’ve met [[my]0-i future wife]2541-my future wife or anything . But what ’s the harm in finding out if [we]2542-we ’re compatible ? Maybe those different interests wo n’t be a deal breaker like [they]2543-they ’re not with [you]700-i and [Brian]100-brian . There ’s only one way to find out . ”[0-i] “ So does that mean [you]0-i ’re going out with [her]2541-my future wife again ? ”[700-i] “ Yeah , [we]2542-we ’re going on a hike next weekend . [I]0-i ’m going to teach [her]2541-my future wife about birds . Who knows , maybe [she]2541-my future wife ’ll become [a fanatic like [me]0-i]2544-a fanatic like me . ”[0-i] “ What ’s with [the Cane brothers]2207-the cane brothers and [their]2207-the cane brothers birds ? ”[0-i] “ Hey , [JP]92-jp likes pigeons because [he]92-jp feels guilty about [them]2546-them not being loved , but [he]92-jp could n’t care less about [other feathered friends]2547-other feathered friends . ”[700-i] “ Please , for the love of [God]103-god , do n’t call [them]2547-other feathered friends [feathered friends]2548-feathered friends . ”[0-i] “ Well , if [I]0-i do n’t try to put [myself]0-i out there and date , [they]2547-other feathered friends very much might be [[my]0-i only friends]2549-my only friends , and although the solitude of being [the crazy bird man]2550-the crazy bird man sounds charming , [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i ’m ready for that title just yet . ”[0-i] “ [I]700-i can see it , [your]705-you poncho , a bucket hat . A cane . ”[700-i] “ Please . . . please do n’t envision that . ”[705-you] [She]705-you chuckles and then sighs . “ [I]705-you ’m sorry , [Breaker]2551-breaker . ”[705-you] “ Sorry for what ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Well , for one , waking [you]705-you up . And also for giving [you]705-you a hard time about [Birdy]118-birdy . [I]0-i guess [I]0-i ’m just stressed with the many rapid changes . [I]0-i was comfortable , content , and now [my]0-i life feels like a whirlwind of change , and it ’s all happening at a frightening pace . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i know [you]0-i have the choice to slow it down . ”[0-i] “ By disappointing [others]2552-others . ”[700-i] “ Yes , but it ’s for the sake of [your]0-i mental health , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ Do n’t try to please [others]2552-others just for the sake of it . ”[0-i] “ [I]700-i know [you]0-i ’re right , [Breaker]68-breaker . [I]700-i know [you]0-i are , but [I]700-i just do n’t have it in [me]700-i to disappoint [others]2552-others . [Brian]100-brian is so sensitive . [I]700-i think if [I]700-i postponed , [he]2555-him ’d think it had to do with [him]2555-him , and [I]700-i do n’t want [him]2555-him thinking that . [I]700-i just need to take this one step at a time . ”[700-i] “ Okay , but just so [you]0-i know , if [you]0-i want to try to slow this down , [you]0-i just let [me]700-i know , and [I]700-i ’ll step in and help . ”[700-i] “ [I]0-i know , and [I]0-i love [you]0-i for that . Just promise [me]0-i [you]0-i will be [here]249-here every step of the way . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i promise . ”[0-i] “ Thank [you]0-i . ”[700-i] Chapter Six LIA “ Well , it ’s nice , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says as [we]706-we step out of [[his]68-breaker car]309-his car and stare up at [the rather ornate and grand stone church right in front of [us]706-we]708-the rather ornate and grand stone church right in front of us . On [an almost vacant street in [the heart of [Los Angeles]6-los angeles]710-the heart of los angeles]709-an almost vacant street in the heart of los angeles is [a Catholic church with a tall spire reaching up into the sky and an arched entrance that feels more intimidating than welcoming]711-a catholic church with a tall spire reaching up into the sky and an arched entrance that feels more intimidating than welcoming . [I]0-i glance up at [the grandiose building]712-the grandiose building and say , “ There are gargoyles on the edge of the roof . That does n’t really scream wedding vibes . ”[0-i] [Breaker]68-breaker puts [his]68-breaker arm around [me]0-i . “ Not really , but the reason gargoyles were carved into [buildings]2557-buildings in the first place was to ward off the evil spirits from entering , so . . . if [you]0-i look at it that way , then maybe it ’s a good thing . There will be no evil spirits lurking in [your]0-i marriage . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i glance up at [his]68-breaker freshly shaved face — [he]68-breaker usually keeps some scruff on it but chose to go clean today . “ Are [you]0-i going to put a positive spin on everything ? ”[0-i] “ [I]68-breaker will until [you]0-i tell [me]68-breaker [you]0-i absolutely hate it . At that point , [I]68-breaker will jump the positivity ship , but [you]0-i need to give it a fair shot first . Who knows , maybe the inside of [the chapel]2558-the chapel really captivates [you]0-i . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker ’m not religious , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i do n’t need to be religious to appreciate the sanctity of divine architecture . Think about what it took for [people]2122-people to build [this building]2560-this building back in the day . All the intricate carvings and details [you]0-i do n’t see on today ’s modern aesthetic . ”[0-i] “ Correct [me]68-breaker if [I]68-breaker ’m wrong , but [no Chipotle]2561-no chipotle has gargoyles or intricate carvings , and [I]68-breaker still very much enjoy walking into [[their]2122-people establishments]2562-their establishments . ”[68-breaker] “ Because [you]0-i ’re [a whore for lime salt chips]2563-a whore for lime salt chips , just like [Lottie]96-lottie . ”[68-breaker] “ How do [you]0-i know that ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle . “ That ’s where [Huxley]92-jp and [Lottie]96-lottie were on [their]2564-their first official date , if that ’s what [you]0-i want to call it . It ’s where [they]2564-their went over the terms of [their]2564-their fake fiancé contract . Honestly , saying it out loud really does n’t sound real . Anyway , [she]96-lottie took home the chips that [Huxley]92-jp bought when [he]92-jp really wanted them . [He]92-jp bitched about it for days . ”[0-i] “ [[You]0-i guys]2339-you guys are [billionaires]2566-billionaires . [You]0-i can buy [your]0-i own Chipotle and turn it into [a chip factory]2567-a chip factory for [your]0-i own personal pleasure . Why was [he]92-jp bitching about [someone]2072-someone taking [his]92-jp chips ? ”[68-breaker] “ It ’s the principle of the thing , ”[713-he] [he]713-he says just as [The Beave]111-the beave steps out of [a black sedan parked]714-a black sedan parked a few feet away . [The Beave]111-the beave is something else . Lanky legs always on a minimum of four - inch heels , [she]111-the beave always wears an unflattering resting bitch face , accompanied by a nude - colored lip . [She]111-the beave mimics [the royal family]715-the royal family by always wearing a jacket that [you]716-you ca n’t quite tell is a dress or is actually a jacket — even in the [California]18-california heat — and [she]111-the beave pairs it with a hat when [she]111-the beave ’s outdoors . The only time [she]111-the beave does n’t wear a hat is when [she]111-the beave ’s sitting down for a meal . [She]111-the beave reminds [me]0-i of [Yzma]135-yzma from [[The Emperor]717-the emperor ’s New Groove]19-the emperor ’s new groove , but minus the grayish purple skin , saggy tits that touch [her]111-the beave belly button , and [adherent henchman who cooks a mean spinach puff]718-adherent henchman who cooks a mean spinach puff . “ [Ophelia]70-ophelia , hello , ”[111-the beave] [she]111-the beave says rather coldly and then turns to [Breaker]68-breaker , a smile playing at [her]111-the beave lips . “ [Mr. Cane]136-mr. cane , what a treat for [you]136-mr. cane to join [us]2569-us today . ”[111-the beave] [She]111-the beave holds out [her]111-the beave skeleton - thin hand , and [Breaker]68-breaker takes it and offers [her]111-the beave a simple shake . “ Please , [Breaker]68-breaker is just fine , and [I]68-breaker could n’t miss an opportunity to be [the perfect maid of honor for [[my]68-breaker girl]2155-my girl]2570-the perfect maid of honor for my girl . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker gives [me]0-i a squeeze . “ [Maid of honor]2322-maid of honor ? ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave asks , glancing at [me]0-i . “ [I]111-the beave was n’t aware that [you]0-i would be having [a man on [your]0-i side of the altar]2573-a man on your side of the altar . ”[111-the beave] [I]0-i hold back [my]0-i smirk . [The Beave]111-the beave was n’t expecting a wrench in [her]111-the beave plans this early in the morning [I]0-i bet . There ’s no doubt [she]111-the beave ’s [a traditionalist]719-a traditionalist and requires the traditional setting of a wedding . [The bride]461-the bride has [women]2055-women on [her]461-the bride side , [the groom]722-the groom has [men]723-men . Well , welcome to the modern century because that ’s not how [we]724-we ’ll work . “ [Breaker]68-breaker is [[my]111-the beave best friend]2156-my best friend . [I]111-the beave would n’t have it any other way . ”[111-the beave] “ Well , maybe [we]724-we can consider — ”[68-breaker] “ It wo n’t be any other way , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says , cutting in , throwing down [my]0-i authority . The shitty thing about this situation is that even though this is [my]0-i wedding , [The Beave]111-the beave is not going to listen to [anyone other than [herself]111-the beave]725-anyone other than herself . [The only person]726-the only person , and [I]0-i mean [ONLY person , who could overturn [her]111-the beave decision]727-only person , who could overturn her decision is [Breaker]68-breaker . Not [me]0-i , not [[her]111-the beave son]438-her son , [no one else]729-no one else , only [Breaker]68-breaker , and that ’s because [she]111-the beave values [Breaker]68-breaker more than [me]0-i and [[her]111-the beave son]438-her son . The only reason is because of how thick [Breaker]68-breaker ’s wallet is . “ [I]111-the beave see . ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave straightens up . “ Well , then , [I]111-the beave guess [I]111-the beave will make a note of that . ”[111-the beave] [She]111-the beave then looks [him]0-i up and down and says , “ [You]0-i know , [Breaker]68-breaker , [I]111-the beave heard the news about [[your]68-breaker former employee]2169-your former employee . ”[111-the beave] [Classic]137-classic . God , [she]111-the beave ’s like clockwork . [I]0-i saw [her]111-the beave mentioning that from a mile away . [Breaker]68-breaker cuts [her]111-the beave off at the knees , and now [she]111-the beave ’s trying to do the same , trying to even the playing field . Little does [she]111-the beave know the reason [the Cane brothers]2207-the cane brothers are so successful is because [they]2207-the cane brothers see right through [social climbers]732-social climbers and do n’t let [them]2207-the cane brothers tear [them]2207-the cane brothers down . And from the confidence in [Breaker]68-breaker ’s expression , [I]0-i know [he]68-breaker sees right through [The Beave]111-the beave . “ [Tragic]138-tragic , is n’t it ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker asks . “ That [a girl with so little self - worth]2576-a girl with so little self - worth spreads lies to grab attention . [[Our]2577-we lawyers]2578-our lawyers are handling it . There will be an apology once [we]2577-we present the required evidence of [the former employee]2579-the former employee ’s inappropriate behavior in [the workplace]2168-the workplace . Then again , [I]68-breaker should n’t be saying anything because of how confidential it is . ”[68-breaker] “ Ah , understandable . ”[733-she] “ But thank [you]68-breaker for [your]68-breaker concern . [I]733-she ’m doing quite fine . ”[733-she] [She]733-she offers an even smile and then gestures toward [the church]734-the church . “ Now , [I]733-she believe [we]2577-we have [a church to view]2581-a church to view and [a priest]2582-a priest to meet . ”[733-she] [She]733-she turns , and with [[her]733-she assistant]735-her assistant , who appears at [her]733-she side , [she]733-she starts up the steep stone stairs that lead to the red door entrance . Hanging back for a moment , [I]0-i cling on to [Breaker]68-breaker ’s arm and say , “ [I]0-i ’m so sorry [she]733-she brought that up . ”[0-i] “ Do n’t apologize for [her]733-she . [She]733-she ’s disgustingly transparent . [I]0-i knew [she]733-she was going to bring up the lawsuit , and shutting [her]733-she down was easy . ”[0-i] “ [I]733-she know , but still , [she]733-she should n’t have said anything . ”[733-she] “ [Lia]168-lia , [I]0-i ’m fine . ”[0-i] “ Okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i clutch [him]68-breaker tighter . “ [I]0-i ’m going to need [your]68-breaker help making [our]2583-our way up [these stairs]2584-these stairs . These shoes [Brian]100-brian bought [me]0-i are a touch too big . ”[0-i] [Breaker]68-breaker glances down at [my]0-i shoes , examining them . “ [I]68-breaker was wondering where the hell [you]0-i got those . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i do n’t like them ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i turn [my]0-i feet to the side . This whole outfit screams [Brian]100-brian . A fluffy , red mini skirt with a black tank top and black four - inch heels that [I]0-i would never , ever wear , [I]0-i feel more like [a newborn clown]736-a newborn clown than [the sophisticated lady]737-the sophisticated lady about to marry the very sought - after [Brian Beaver]100-brian . “ [They]2585-they ’re nice , just not [you]0-i . ”[100-brian] “ What makes [you]0-i think that ? The gold buckle on the toe or the fact that [I]68-breaker look like [I]68-breaker ’m [a newbie trying to walk on circus stilts]2586-a newbie trying to walk on circus stilts ? ”[68-breaker] “ Maybe a touch of both . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker chuckles . “ Well , at least [The Beave]111-the beave did n’t say anything disapproving . ”[68-breaker] [We]738-we head up [the stairs]306-the stairs , [Breaker]68-breaker helping [me]0-i the whole time . “ Way to find the positive . Now , let ’s just focus on whether [we]738-we like [this church]2587-this church . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker ’m going to say no . ”[68-breaker] “ Do [you]0-i have [a second venue where [you]0-i want to get married]2588-a second venue where you want to get married ? A counter offer ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker asks as [we]738-we make [our]738-we way up [the stairs]306-the stairs . “ [I]68-breaker do , actually , but [I]68-breaker know [The Beave]111-the beave is going to hate it . ”[68-breaker] “ Then that means it ’s perfect , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says as [we]738-we reach the door and step into [the opulent church]741-the opulent church . The entrance opens into [a large cathedral space with natural wood beams crisscrossing against the vaulted ceiling]742-a large cathedral space with natural wood beams crisscrossing against the vaulted ceiling . Rows and rows of pews face the altar while a red velvet carpet stretches along the candlelit aisle . The altar is intricately carved with the same natural wood as the beams while also draped in linens and an arrangement of flowers that seems rather extravagant for a mid - summer mass . Leaning toward [Breaker]68-breaker , [I]0-i whisper , “ [I]0-i ’m surprised the lit candles are n’t a fire hazard . ”[0-i] “ And those candleholders do n’t look too sturdy . ”[0-i] “ Is n’t it just divine ? ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave asks in awe . “ [We]738-we wo n’t be able to fit [everyone]2071-everyone into the pews , but [we]738-we will live - stream the wedding to those waiting at [the club]2119-the club for [you]0-i to arrive . ”[111-the beave] [I]0-i blink a few times while [I]0-i glance at the many pews . “ How many people do [you]111-the beave plan on inviting ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [Ophelia]70-ophelia , [I]111-the beave emailed [you]70-ophelia the guest list . ”[111-the beave] [She]111-the beave snaps [her]111-the beave fingers , and [[her]111-the beave assistant]735-her assistant appears at [her]111-the beave side with a box . [The Beave]111-the beave opens the box and pulls out the crown of a veil . “ Now , let ’s see this on . ”[111-the beave] “ Hold on , what guest list ? ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave ignores [me]0-i and slips the veil on top of [my]0-i head , digging the clip deep into [my]0-i scalp until [I]0-i ’m almost positive [she]111-the beave drew blood . “ [I]111-the beave sent it to [you]70-ophelia , [Ophelia]70-ophelia . Honestly , do [we]2591-we need to talk about organization ? ”[111-the beave] [She]111-the beave removes the rest of the veil from the garment box , dragging the tulle fabric out in piles . Jesus , how long is this thing ? And why did [she]111-the beave put it on [my]0-i head ? “ [I]111-the beave guess [I]111-the beave did n’t see it . [I]111-the beave was sort of busy this weekend . ”[111-the beave] Busy with [Brian]100-brian , [[her]111-the beave son]438-her son . “ Well , if [you]70-ophelia took the time to worry about the upcoming nuptials , [you]70-ophelia would have seen [I]111-the beave have a little over two thousand invites going out . ”[111-the beave] [She]111-the beave gestures toward [the aisle]745-the aisle . “ Now , please , walk down the aisle so [I]111-the beave can see how this veil looks . ”[111-the beave] [I]0-i blink , completely oblivious to what ’s happening to [me]0-i . “ Two . . . two thousand ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , [my]0-i mouth going dry . “ Like [two thousand people]2592-two thousand people ? ”[0-i] “ More like four to five . There are [couples]2593-couples and [families]2594-families . ”[111-the beave] [She]111-the beave gestures for [me]0-i to walk again , but [I]0-i stand still . “ Oh [my]0-i God , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , [my]0-i armpits starting to sweat . “ That ’s . . . that ’s [too many people]2595-too many people . Can [the club]2119-the club even hold [that many people]2597-that many people ? ”[0-i] “ Of course not , ”[111-the beave] [she]111-the beave says , waving [her]111-the beave hand at [me]0-i . “ That ’s why [we]2598-we have secured [the private beach]2599-the private beach as well . It ’s all about appearances , even if [people]2122-people wo n’t be able to see everything . Now , if [you]0-i ’ll please . . . ”[111-the beave] [She]111-the beave motions down [the aisle]745-the aisle . [I]0-i turn to [Breaker]68-breaker , [my]0-i heart racing , [my]0-i eyes pleading for help . “ Did [you]68-breaker hear that ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i say through clenched teeth , the veil tangling up in [my]0-i legs . “ [Two thousand people]2592-two thousand people , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[0-i] [Luckily]139-luckily , [Breaker]68-breaker senses [my]0-i panic . “ That seems like a lot , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says . “ Has [Brian]100-brian gone over the list ? ”[68-breaker] [The Beave]111-the beave dismisses [him]0-i with [her]111-the beave hand . “ [Brian]100-brian has better things to do than bother with wedding details . ”[111-the beave] “ But . . . it ’s the start of [his]0-i marriage . Do n’t [you]111-the beave think [he]0-i should be a little interested ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker asks . [Her]111-the beave head snaps toward [Breaker]68-breaker . “ [He]0-i ’s interested enough , but a guest list is menial . [You]111-the beave should know the importance of [his]0-i high - level job . [I]111-the beave ca n’t be bothering [him]0-i with these questions . That ’s why [I]111-the beave ’m in charge . Now , [Ophelia]70-ophelia , walk down the aisle so [I]111-the beave can see if the veil is right for [you]70-ophelia . ”[111-the beave] “ Yeah , but that ’s a lot of [people]2122-people , [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker continues as [I]0-i try to straighten the veil out . [I]0-i kick at it with [my]0-i feet while [the assistant]747-the assistant — not sure of [her]747-the assistant name — attempts to help as well . “ [Lia]168-lia does n’t do well in big crowds . Unless [you]70-ophelia want [a bride passing out at the altar]2603-a bride passing out at the altar , [I]747-the assistant think [you]70-ophelia need to pare down . ”[747-the assistant] [The Beave]111-the beave turns toward [me]0-i and says , “ That ’s not true , is it ? ”[111-the beave] Not proven , but [I]0-i could see it being a possibility , so [I]0-i go with it . “ [I]0-i have weak knees , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer while tilting the crown of the veil . “ Where did this veil come from ? ”[0-i] “ It was [mine]747-the assistant from when [I]111-the beave married . Please do n’t kick at it with [your]70-ophelia hooves . It ’s a precious heirloom . ”[111-the beave] “ Oh . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ It ’s lovely . [You]70-ophelia can really smell the history . ”[0-i] Very . . . musty . “ Anywho , ca n’t say that [a passed - out bride at the altar]2604-a passed - out bride at the altar will result in cherished wedding memories . If [I]0-i pass out , it ’s going to embarrass [Brian]100-brian . ”[0-i] Anything that might harm , embarrass , or taint [[her]111-the beave son]438-her son , [The Beave]111-the beave is going to want nothing to do with it . “ [I]111-the beave was n’t aware that [you]0-i ’re a risk at the altar . ”[111-the beave] [She]111-the beave glances down [the aisle]745-the aisle . “ If [you]0-i pass out , that would ruin the entire ceremony . ”[111-the beave] [No one]2095-no one likes [a fainty bride]751-a fainty bride . “ Yeah , and what if [I]0-i hit [my]0-i head on one of the pews ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ A cracked head leads to blood , and [I]0-i do n’t think [guests]2605-guests will want it to be a gory wedding . Especially if [I]0-i wear this heirloom veil . Not sure blood comes out easily from fabric like this . Perchance , do [you]111-the beave know the length of it ? ”[0-i] “ Fifty feet , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave answers absentmindedly . Fifty feet , [dear God]752-dear god , who needs a veil that long ? [She]111-the beave ’s not even [royalty]753-royalty . Cutting in , [Breaker]68-breaker says , “ White dress , blood , and gore does n’t really say high - class wedding . Not to mention , [she]111-the beave bleeds easily . [We]2606-we ’re talking pools of blood . ”[68-breaker] “ Iron deficiency anemia , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , nodding [my]0-i head . “ Well . ”[0-i] [The Beave]111-the beave turns [her]111-the beave nose up . “ Perhaps [I]111-the beave ’ll speak with [[my]111-the beave doctor]2607-my doctor and get [him]2607-my doctor to prescribe [you]0-i some Xanax for the day to avoid any way of [you]0-i passing out . ”[111-the beave] Of course [she]111-the beave would have a pharmaceutical solution . “ Uh , that wo n’t work , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , glancing up at [Breaker]68-breaker , looking for help . “ Yeah , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , picking up on [my]0-i plea . “ That wo n’t work because . . . uh . . . well , [she]111-the beave ’s [a puker]2608-a puker . ”[68-breaker] [The Beave]111-the beave recoils in disgust , do n’t blame [her]111-the beave . Did n’t see that coming . “ Pardon [me]111-the beave ? ”[111-the beave] [she]111-the beave asks . [Breaker]68-breaker nods , going with it . “ Yup , [a serious puker this one]2609-a serious puker this one . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker points [his]68-breaker thumb at [me]0-i . “ Any sort of medication that curbs [her]111-the beave anxiety , [she]111-the beave just pukes right up . And not just a little . It ’s projectile . [I]68-breaker remember a time in college when [she]111-the beave took some calming meds — can’t quite remember what it was — but [she]111-the beave took some before [her]111-the beave final exam in data statistics and mechanics because [she]111-the beave was so nervous . After the first ten minutes of dry heaving , [she]111-the beave started throwing up all over [her]111-the beave exam and [the poor girl in front of [her]111-the beave]2610-the poor girl in front of her . It was a disaster . Since then , [she]111-the beave ’s stayed as far away from the medication as [she]111-the beave can . [I]68-breaker do n’t think risking Xanax on the day is worth it , so [I]68-breaker believe [we]754-we should just cut down the guest list . How about [you]111-the beave send it to [me]68-breaker , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker suggests . “ Since [I]68-breaker ’m so immersed in who to rub elbows with , [I]68-breaker ’ll be able to pick who will be insulted and who does n’t matter when it comes to being there . ”[68-breaker] Puking during an exam ? [We]754-we could n’t have found a less disgusting image to plant in [[my]0-i future mother - in - law]755-my future mother - in - law ’s head ? [I]0-i glance over at [The Beave]111-the beave , ready to see absolute disgust on [her]111-the beave face . Instead , [she]111-the beave has the lightest of smirks , like if [I]0-i did n’t know [her]111-the beave , [I]0-i would n’t be able to tell , but there it is , plain as day , [her]111-the beave often imprisoned joy . “ Oh , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave says , clasping [her]111-the beave hands in front of [her]111-the beave . “ [You]0-i ’re attuned to the social ladder ? ”[111-the beave] “ Of course . How do [you]68-breaker think [I]68-breaker became [a billionaire]488-a billionaire ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker asks with a wink , and [I]0-i know , deep in [my]0-i bones , that it absolutely pained [him]68-breaker to say that . If [you]756-you should know one thing about [Breaker]68-breaker , it ’s that [he]68-breaker is not one to flaunt [his]68-breaker money , ever , so for [him]68-breaker to mention [he]68-breaker ’s [a billionaire]488-a billionaire in front of [The Beave]111-the beave , that just goes to show that [he]68-breaker ’s being [the best friend that [I]0-i need]758-the best friend that i need at this moment . “ Well , that would be lovely then . [I]111-the beave will take [you]0-i up on [your]0-i generous offer , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave says before turning and heading down [the aisle]745-the aisle . [I]0-i guess that ’s it . Fine by [me]0-i . Pinching [his]68-breaker side , [I]0-i joke , “ Dropping the billionaire title just like that ? ”[0-i] [He]68-breaker chuckles under [his]68-breaker breath and whispers , “ Got [her]111-the beave to send [me]68-breaker the list , did n’t it ? [We]2612-we can look it over together . Bring [your]0-i red pen . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]111-the beave ’ll bring multiple . There will be a slashing . The gore might not happen at the wedding , but it sure as hell will happen over the guest list . ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave turns on [her]111-the beave heel and says , “ Now , are [you]0-i Catholic , [Ophelia]70-ophelia ? ”[111-the beave] “ Uh , that would be a no . ”[111-the beave] [I]0-i itch the spot where the veil clip is digging into [my]0-i scalp . The [Beave]111-the beave ’s brows crease . “ [I]111-the beave believe [Brian]100-brian told [me]111-the beave [you]0-i were . ”[111-the beave] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ Nope , not [a Catholic]2613-a catholic . [I]111-the beave actually do n’t really have a religion at all . ”[111-the beave] “ How could [you]0-i not have a religion ? ”[111-the beave] [she]111-the beave asks in disgust . “ Who on earth do [you]0-i thank for everything in [your]0-i life before [you]0-i go to bed ? ”[111-the beave] “ Uh . . . [[my]0-i parents]2089-my parents ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [She]111-the beave sneers . “ Well , that just wo n’t do . ”[111-the beave] [She]111-the beave snaps [her]111-the beave finger to [[her]111-the beave assistant]735-her assistant and says , “ Phone . ”[111-the beave] [[Her]111-the beave assistant]735-her assistant quickly offers [The Beave]111-the beave [her]111-the beave phone , and [I]0-i watch as [she]111-the beave taps away on it . [She]111-the beave lifts it up to [her]111-the beave ear , and while [she]111-the beave waits , [I]0-i feel [her]111-the beave gaze look [me]0-i up and down , [her]111-the beave perusal purely judgmental and meant to put [me]0-i in [my]0-i place . “ [Father Joseph]107-father joseph , yes , it ’s [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver , how are [you]107-father joseph ? Good . [I]111-the beave have a slight problem . [Brian]100-brian ’s fiancée just informed [me]111-the beave [she]111-the beave ’s not [Catholic]2615-catholic . Yes , [I]111-the beave know . . . ”[111-the beave] [She]111-the beave pauses . “ Uh - huh . Well , what if [I]111-the beave offer a large donation to [the parish]2616-the parish ? ”[111-the beave] [Her]111-the beave lips tug at the side . “ Yes , very large . ”[111-the beave] Is [she]111-the beave bribing [the priest]762-the priest ? [Good God]103-god . Is n’t there something terribly wrong about that ? Does n’t that grant [you]0-i a fresh ticket to hell — if [you]0-i believe in that ? “ That ’s great . Thank [you]0-i . ”[111-the beave] [She]111-the beave hangs up and hands [her]111-the beave phone back to [[her]111-the beave assistant]735-her assistant . “ Problem diverted . [Father Joseph]107-father joseph will take care of it . ”[111-the beave] “ What does that mean ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Best not ask questions , [Ophelia]70-ophelia . [You]70-ophelia ’ve already done enough with [your]70-ophelia lack of faith . ”[0-i] Is n’t [she]111-the beave precious ? “ Do n’t [Brian]100-brian and [Lia]168-lia have to take pre - cana classes ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker asks . “ And does n’t that require to be done six months before the wedding ? ”[68-breaker] “ Like [I]111-the beave said , best [we]2617-we do not probe with questions . What needs to be done will be done , so let ’s drop it . ”[111-the beave] That sounds very . . . god - like . [She]111-the beave gestures to the altar . “ Now , if [you]0-i would please walk down the aisle so [I]111-the beave can see how the veil looks in [this space]2618-this space . [We]2617-we have asked for the walls to be re - painted before the wedding a bright white as well as the carpet to be replaced since it ’s quite dingy , but this is the example of opulence [we]2617-we expect when it comes to wedding pictures . Of course , [your]0-i dress will have a minimum of [a twelve - foot train]2619-a twelve - foot train so it can descend the stairs along with the veil . ”[111-the beave] On unsteady feet , [I]0-i start walking down [the aisle]745-the aisle . “ Twelve feet ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ That seems like a lot of fabric . ”[0-i] “ Lovely observation , [dear]2247-dear . ”[111-the beave] [She]111-the beave watches [me]0-i as [I]0-i slowly , and [I]0-i mean slowly , take one step at a time . [She]111-the beave gestures toward [my]0-i glasses . “ Did [Brian]100-brian talk to [you]0-i about laser eye surgery ? [We]2617-we ca n’t have [you]0-i wearing glasses on the wedding day . ”[111-the beave] [I]0-i pause as [my]0-i hand rises to [my]0-i purple glasses . “ Why not ? ”[111-the beave] “ Glasses glare in pictures . Do [you]0-i really think [I]765-i want pictures of [[my]765-i son]2621-my son marrying [a woman who looks like [she]2622-a woman who looks like she has one eye because of the glare has [one eye because of the glare]2623-one eye because of the glare]2622-a woman who looks like she has one eye because of the glare ? No . Plus , [he]2621-my son does n’t care for [your]0-i glasses anyway . [He]2621-my son called them childish . [I]765-i believe [he]2621-my son was going to talk to [you]0-i about Lasik surgery . [I]765-i have [a doctor who can get [you]0-i in this week]2624-a doctor who can get you in this week . ”[765-i] [She]765-i snaps [her]765-i finger again . “ Book an appointment for [Ophelia]70-ophelia to go visit with [Dr. Rosenblad]140-dr. rosenblad . ”[765-i] “ [I]0-i do n’t want Lasik surgery . It freaks [me]0-i out , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [Ophelia”—The[0-i] Beave]141-ophelia”—the beave pins [me]0-i with a glare—“there is a time and a place to act like [a child]2625-a child or act like [an adult]2278-an adult . Please remember [your]0-i age . ”[765-i] [She]765-i brushes past [us]766-us and heads down [the aisle]745-the aisle while calling out to [[her]765-i assistant]735-her assistant to take notes on flower arrangement placement . [I]0-i just stand there , stunned . [Brian]100-brian said [my]0-i glasses were childish ? [I]0-i thought [he]769-he always liked them . [I]0-i did n’t think there was anything that [he]769-he did n’t like about [me]0-i . But knowing that [he]769-he does n’t like them , that . . . wow , that hurts . Insecurity quickly chokes [me]0-i as [my]0-i throat grows tight with embarrassment . “ Hey , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker whispers as [he]68-breaker slips [his]68-breaker arm around [me]0-i . When [I]0-i do n’t look at [him]68-breaker right away , [he]68-breaker tugs on [me]0-i and forces [me]0-i to meet [his]68-breaker eyes . “ [Your]0-i glasses are fucking awesome , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says quietly , [his]68-breaker mouth close to [my]0-i ear . “ Besides [your]0-i heart , [your]0-i honesty , and [your]0-i sauciness , [your]0-i glasses are one of [my]68-breaker favorite things about [you]0-i . ”[68-breaker] “ [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head , but then [he]68-breaker grips [my]0-i chin , holding [me]0-i still . “ Not only are they a direct depiction of [your]0-i personality , but they make the beautiful , light green flecks in [your]0-i eyes stand out even more . It ’s already sometimes impossible to look away from them , but when they ’re highlighted so exquisitely , [you]0-i ca n’t help but be captivated . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i glance away , but [he]68-breaker forces [me]0-i to look at [him]68-breaker again . “ [I]0-i ’m so embarrassed , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [The only people in this scenario who should be embarrassed]2627-the only people in this scenario who should be embarrassed are [The Beave]111-the beave for saying such a demeaning thing to [you]0-i and [Brian]100-brian for even thinking that [your]0-i glasses are unflattering . ”[0-i] [His]68-breaker thumb caresses [my]0-i cheek , and [he]68-breaker quietly adds , “ [You]0-i ’re gorgeous , [Lia]168-lia . The glasses accentuate just how gorgeous [you]0-i are . ”[68-breaker] “ Th - Thank [you]68-breaker , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [his]68-breaker words penetrate the sorrow swirling around [me]0-i . [I]0-i glance up at [him]68-breaker , expecting a reassuring smile , but instead , [I]0-i ’m greeted by a deep gaze of seriousness . And for a moment , [we]770-we stand there , staring at [each other]288-each other , [his]68-breaker sweet compliment resting between [us]770-we . [He]68-breaker ’s told [me]0-i [I]0-i ’m beautiful before . [He]68-breaker ’s even told [me]0-i [I]0-i look hot . But it ’s always felt like what [a best friend]772-a best friend would say . But this moment , it feels entirely different . [I]0-i want to dive deeper into [his]68-breaker statement . [I]0-i want to see if there is more emotion behind it or if [I]0-i ’m [the one who is only feeling this way]773-the one who is only feeling this way , but just as [I]0-i open [my]0-i mouth , [his]68-breaker phone rings in [his]68-breaker pocket , freeing [us]770-we both from the trance [we]770-we were in . “ Uh , [I]68-breaker ’m going to grab this , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says awkwardly . “ Excuse [me]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker blinks a few times , almost as if [he]68-breaker ’s trying to get [his]68-breaker head on straight , and then pulls [his]68-breaker phone out and answers it . “ Uh , hey , [Birdy]118-birdy . ”[68-breaker] [Birdy]118-birdy ? [She]774-she ’s calling [him]68-breaker ? “ No , it ’s okay . What ’s going on ? ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker glances at [me]0-i and then says , “ No , [I]68-breaker do n’t think [I]68-breaker have any plans tonight . ”[68-breaker] Um , [I]0-i thought [we]770-we were going over the guest list , but then again , [I]0-i do n’t think [we]770-we planned a time for that . “ Yeah , sure , sounds fun . [I]68-breaker ’ll meet [you]0-i there . Text [me]68-breaker the info . Yup , see [you]0-i then . Bye . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker hangs up the phone and sticks it in [his]68-breaker pocket . “ Sorry about that . ”[68-breaker] “ Seeing [Birdy]118-birdy tonight ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i awkwardly adjust the large veil at [my]0-i side . “ Seems like it , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says and then turns to [me]0-i with a smile . “ Shall [we]770-we blow [The Beave]111-the beave over with [your]68-breaker ceremony suggestion ? ”[68-breaker] “ Sure , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , feeling weird that [he]68-breaker changed the subject so quickly . “ And what would that suggestion be ? ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker holds up [his]68-breaker finger in a jovial way . “ Hold on , let [me]68-breaker guess . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker taps [his]68-breaker chin and says , “ Uh , it has to be somewhere unique because that ’s who [you]0-i are , but also something quaint and old school . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker snaps [his]68-breaker finger . “ [The old courthouse]2628-the old courthouse . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker would love that , but [you]0-i know it ca n’t even fit [one hundred people]2629-one hundred people . ”[68-breaker] “ Good thing [we]2630-we ’re paring down the guest list then . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker wiggles [his]68-breaker brows . “ There ’s no way [she]111-the beave would go for that , and if [I]68-breaker ’m going to suggest something , [I]68-breaker might as well suggest something that would make [her]111-the beave think that [she]111-the beave came up with it . ”[68-breaker] “ Okay , [I]68-breaker ’m listening , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker folds [his]68-breaker arms . [I]0-i tug on the veil , attempting to pull it off , but [The Beave]111-the beave shouts , “ [You]0-i ’re not done with that , [Ophelia]70-ophelia . [I]111-the beave ’m still processing how it will look . ”[111-the beave] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes at [Breaker]68-breaker and then shove the clip back on [my]0-i head . “ Well , as much as [I]68-breaker hate [the club]2119-the club for obvious reasons , [they]2119-the club have [a beautiful garden out back that would be perfect for the ceremony . [People]2122-people could watch from the balcony of [the club]2119-the club]2632-a beautiful garden out back that would be perfect for the ceremony . people could watch from the balcony of the club , from [the lawn]2635-the lawn , or from chairs in front of the altar . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker nods . “ It ’s not exactly [you]0-i , but just [you]0-i enough . Want [me]68-breaker to suggest it ? ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker hate to say it would be better coming from [you]68-breaker , but [I]68-breaker think that ’s the truth . ”[68-breaker] “ Do n’t worry , [I]68-breaker ’ve got this . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker puts [his]68-breaker arm around [me]0-i and guides [me]0-i down [the aisle]745-the aisle toward [The Beave]111-the beave . The whole time , [my]0-i mind is racing about [my]0-i glasses , about [Breaker]68-breaker ’s warm voice , telling [me]0-i how much [he]68-breaker loves them , about [his]68-breaker date with [Birdy]118-birdy , and this damn veil . It all makes [me]0-i so nauseated . “ [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker calls out . “ Yes ? ”[776-she] [She]776-she turns [her]776-she spindly - like body on [us]777-us . “ [You]0-i know , [I]68-breaker was thinking , the reception will be at [the club]2119-the club , right ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says so casually that if [I]0-i did n’t know [him]68-breaker , it might be disturbing to see how quickly [he]68-breaker can turn on the charm . “ That ’s correct , ”[776-she] [she]776-she says , folding [her]776-she hands together . “ Beautiful choice , by the way . [I]776-she went [there]2152-there for a wedding a year or so ago , and it was breathtaking . ”[776-she] [God]103-god , [I]0-i hate when [he]68-breaker gets like this , all proper . It ’s not [the man [I]0-i know]778-the man i know . But it ’s [his]68-breaker business persona , and it ’s why [he]68-breaker ’s gotten where [he]68-breaker has because [he]68-breaker can charm like [no other]779-no other , just like [JP . Huxley]92-jp , on the other hand . . . well , [he]92-jp ’s the hammer . [Huxley]92-jp has a tough time being charming . To [him]92-jp , things are black and white . There is no gray . . . well , besides [Lottie]96-lottie . “ It is picturesque . ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave studies [Breaker]68-breaker . [I]0-i can sense [her]111-the beave wanting to know where [he]68-breaker ’s going with this . “ And because it ’s so picturesque , it makes [me]111-the beave think , although [this church]2587-this church is beautiful , [it]2587-this church pales in comparison to what [the club]2119-the club has to offer . [I]111-the beave was just [there]2152-there the other day , having a meeting with [Clinton Mars]112-clinton mars . Do [you]111-the beave know [him]112-clinton mars ? ”[111-the beave] Ha ! Of course [The Beave]111-the beave knows [Clinton Mars]112-clinton mars . [Everyone]2071-everyone does . [He]112-clinton mars ’s [one of [the wealthiest men in [America]21-america]782-the wealthiest men in america]781-one of the wealthiest men in america . [He]112-clinton mars created a little piece of hardware that goes in every phone , and [he]112-clinton mars ’s made so much money off it , [he]112-clinton mars basically sneezes hundred - dollar bills now . Leave it to [Breaker]68-breaker to name - drop the right name to make [The Beave]111-the beave weak in the knees . This is why [he]112-clinton mars ’s [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend , [[my]0-i man of honor]784-my man of honor . “ Yes , of course . [Clinton]112-clinton mars is [a wonderfully sharp and intelligent man]2641-a wonderfully sharp and intelligent man . [I]111-the beave was lucky to meet [him]112-clinton mars a few months ago , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave says , [her]111-the beave eyes sparkling . “ Well , [we]2642-we took a stroll through [the gardens]2643-the gardens during [our]2642-we meeting , and [he]112-clinton mars raved about how it was so beautiful and what a perfect setting it would be for a wedding . [He]112-clinton mars was actually thinking about having [[his]112-clinton mars daughter]2644-his daughter get married [there]2152-there . ”[111-the beave] “ Really ? ”[111-the beave] [she]111-the beave says , [her]111-the beave mind racing now . [You]785-you know the phrase “ Keeping up with [the Joneses]142-the joneses ”[785-you] ? Yeah , [The Beave]111-the beave lives [her]111-the beave life by that . “ Yup , and [I]111-the beave thought . . . [he]112-clinton mars was right . [The gardens]2643-the gardens are breathtaking , beautifully landscaped with [the ocean]2647-the ocean in the background , just spectacular . ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave slowly nods [her]111-the beave head . “ [You]785-you know , the flowers will be in full bloom in five weeks . ”[111-the beave] [She]111-the beave snaps [her]111-the beave finger , and [[her]111-the beave assistant]735-her assistant appears by [her]111-the beave side . “ Get the club on the phone at once . [I]111-the beave need to make arrangements . ”[111-the beave] [She]111-the beave then turns to [us]787-us . “ Now [the gardens]2643-the gardens would be magnificent , but [I]111-the beave worry about [your]0-i ability to walk in heels in the grass . ”[111-the beave] “ Oh , do n’t worry about it at all , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , not wanting [her]111-the beave to find an excuse not to use [the gardens]2643-the gardens . “ [I]0-i ’m quite astute with heels . ”[0-i] “ Very astute , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says . “ The most astute , ”[0-i] [I]0-i add , which , of course , causes [The Beave]111-the beave to give [me]0-i a look of derision . “ Uh . . . just watch . [I]111-the beave ’ll strut up and down this carpet . ”[111-the beave] [I]0-i flop the length of the veil behind [me]0-i , and with the utmost concentration , [I]0-i walk down [the aisle]745-the aisle , pretending to hold a bouquet . [My]0-i sweaty feet slip against the surface of [my]0-i heels , but [I]0-i keep them in place as [I]0-i make it down to the altar . Thank [Jesus]90-jesus christ , [I]0-i made it . “ Walk back , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave says , [her]111-the beave voice unconvincing that [she]111-the beave believes [I]0-i can execute walking in heels . [God]103-god , [she]111-the beave ’s such a freaking pill . Shoulders set back , hands poised in front of [me]0-i , [I]0-i put one foot in front of the other and head back down [the aisle]745-the aisle . Eat [your]0-i heart out , [Beave]111-the beave . [You]0-i can make [me]0-i feel like shit about [my]0-i glasses . [You]0-i can take away [my]0-i right to choose [my]0-i own wedding . But [I]0-i refuse to allow [you]0-i to make [me]0-i feel like [I]0-i ca n’t walk in freaking heels . “ See , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i hold [my]0-i hands out , approaching [her]111-the beave . “ Not a problem at . . . ”[0-i] On [my]0-i last step , [my]0-i foot slips out of [my]0-i shoe , throwing [me]0-i off [my]0-i balance . “ Oh shit , ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry out just as [I]0-i reach for the closest thing near [me]0-i . . . A candleholder . [I]0-i clutch it tightly . “ Whoa , [buddy]261-buddy , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say on a shaky breath . “ That was a close one . ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle just as [I]0-i glance up at the candle as it shakily rocks in place . “ Uh , [Lia]168-lia , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker steps forward . But it ’s too late . It all happens in slow motion as the candle tips over and falls to the ground . [My]0-i eyes travel with it , watching as it falls right on top of the gathered fabric of the veil . [My]0-i breath catches in [my]0-i chest . [My]0-i eyes widen . And in seconds , the veil bursts into a fury of flames . “ Oh [my]0-i God ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i shout . “ Oh [my]0-i God , [I]0-i ’m on fire . [I]0-i ’m on FIRE ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i toss the candlestick to the side , and with one heel on and one heel off , [I]0-i fly down [the aisle]745-the aisle , running away from the flames . . . as [they]792-they chase after [me]0-i . “ The veil ! ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave screeches . “ [You]0-i ’re on fire , ”[111-the beave] [Breaker]68-breaker cries . “ Put it out , put it out , put it out , ”[0-i] [I]0-i scream . “ [Jesus Christ]90-jesus christ , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker shouts . “ Roll , [Lia]168-lia , roll ! ”[68-breaker] “ Roll where ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shout back as [I]0-i circle the altar , the flaming veil moving closer and closer to [my]0-i head . “ [Dear Jesus]2650-dear jesus , do n’t set [my]0-i hair on fire . Please , for the love of [[your]0-i father]2651-your father , do n’t set it on fire . ”[0-i] “ An heirloom , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave says right before [she]111-the beave collapses into [a pew]793-a pew . “ Roll , for fuck ’s sake ! ”[111-the beave] [I]0-i drop to the ground and roll , tucking [my]0-i knees in so [I]0-i ’m not caught up in the pews . “ Is it out ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i yell . “ Am [I]0-i still burning ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i glance over [my]0-i shoulder and see the flames chasing after [me]0-i . “ Ahhhhh ! [Breaker]68-breaker , it ’s coming to get [me]0-i . Save [my]0-i soul . . . save it ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i continue to roll as [I]0-i see smoke lift into the air . “ What ’s that smell ? Is that [my]143-splash hair ? [Breaker]68-breaker , help — ”[143-splash] [Splash]143-splash . Water douses [me]0-i , soaking [me]0-i to [my]0-i bone while putting the fire out at the same time . [I]0-i glance up to see [Breaker]68-breaker holding a very large metal bowl , [his]68-breaker chest heaving , horror in [his]68-breaker eyes . “ Is it . . . is it out ? ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker swallows hard and nods . “ Yeah , it ’s out . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i lay flat on the ground , wet and horrified , as [I]0-i let out a deep breath . “ Where did [you]68-breaker get the water ? ”[0-i] [He]68-breaker glances down at the empty bowl and winces . “ Uh . . . [I]68-breaker believe [I]68-breaker just blessed [you]0-i hard with holy water . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ Baptism by fire just took on a whole new meaning , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i hear [The Beave]111-the beave mumbling some sort of prayer in the background . [I]0-i swallow hard . “ Consider [me]0-i converted . ”[0-i] * * * “ [She]111-the beave hates [me]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [Breaker]68-breaker opens the door to [the stationery store]794-the stationery store . After [I]0-i gently gave [The Beave]111-the beave back [her]111-the beave ruined heirloom veil , [I]0-i told [her]111-the beave [I]0-i was going to change clothes before [our]795-we next meeting to pick invitations . [Breaker]68-breaker whisked [me]0-i away , and instead of discussing what just happened , [we]795-we sat in silence as [we]795-we drove along [the palm tree - lined streets of [Los Angeles]6-los angeles]796-the palm tree - lined streets of los angeles . [Breaker]68-breaker scratches [his]68-breaker cheek as [he]68-breaker says , “ [I]68-breaker think hate is a strong word . ”[68-breaker] “ [Breaker]68-breaker , [I]68-breaker set [her]111-the beave precious heirloom veil on fire . ”[68-breaker] “ Not on purpose . [I]68-breaker think that ’s something [we]795-we need to stress . [You]68-breaker did not set the veil on fire on purpose . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]0-i ’m sure [she]111-the beave sees it that way . ”[0-i] [I]0-i glance toward the back of [the shop]797-the shop , where [I]0-i see [The Beave]111-the beave with [[her]111-the beave assistant]735-her assistant at a table , looking over what seems to be different textures of paper . “ How do [I]68-breaker even approach [her]111-the beave ? Do [I]68-breaker apologize again ? Do [I]68-breaker just leave the decisions up to [her]111-the beave ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker pulls [me]0-i to the side and whispers , “ It was an accident . Was it embarrassing ? Yes , but it was an accident . [She]111-the beave will respect [you]0-i more if [you]0-i head to this next meeting with [your]0-i head held high and not constantly apologizing . [You]0-i said what [you]0-i needed to say , so move on . Okay ? ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i nod . “ [You]68-breaker ’re right . Just . . . move on . ”[68-breaker] “ That ’s the spirit . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker straightens and puts [his]68-breaker hand on [my]0-i back , guiding [me]0-i to the table where [The Beave]111-the beave is sitting . As [we]799-we approach , [she]111-the beave glances up and says , “ [Ophelia]70-ophelia , [I]111-the beave was n’t sure [you]70-ophelia would show up , given [your]70-ophelia appearance when [we]799-we left [the church]734-the church , but it seems like [you]70-ophelia can clean up appropriately . ”[111-the beave] [I]0-i tack on a smile as [I]0-i say , “ Was n’t too difficult . ”[0-i] [I]0-i can sense [she]111-the beave ’s looking for [me]0-i to crumple , and [I]0-i want to . [I]0-i desperately want to fall to [her]111-the beave feet and apologize over and over again , but [Breaker]68-breaker is right . [She]111-the beave will respect [me]0-i if [I]0-i do n’t . “ So what are [we]2653-we looking at ? ”[111-the beave] “ Paper density and weight , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave says . “ Really , it ’s not necessary that [you]0-i ’re here . ”[111-the beave] “ It is , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i take a seat next to [her]111-the beave , and [Breaker]68-breaker takes a seat next to [me]0-i . “ These are [my]68-breaker wedding invites , after all . Plus , paper is fun . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i pick up a stack and flip [my]0-i finger through the thick pieces of paper . “ Do [you]0-i know what [I]0-i love about paper ? ”[0-i] “ [I]111-the beave ’m sure [you]0-i have some well - thought - out opinion that [I]111-the beave ca n’t wait to hear , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave says with a heavy dose of condemnation . [I]0-i can see [we]800-we ’re still angry about the veil , and [I]0-i ’m sure [she]111-the beave ’s looking to cut [me]0-i down , but like [Breaker]68-breaker said , do n’t buckle . Hold strong . “ [I]0-i do , actually , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Paper is a journey — ”[0-i] “ Uh , [Lia]168-lia , [I]68-breaker need to speak to [you]168-lia for a second , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says , standing abruptly . [I]0-i glance up at [him]68-breaker , confused . “ What ? ”[0-i] “ [I]68-breaker need to talk to [you]168-lia . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker eyes grow wide . “ Now . ”[68-breaker] Sensing the urgency , [I]0-i excuse [myself]0-i from the table and head to a corner where [Breaker]68-breaker turns [his]68-breaker back from [The Beave]111-the beave and traps [me]0-i between the walls and a collection of watercolor pens for sale . “ What ’s going on ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Just saving [you]68-breaker before [you]68-breaker make [yourself]68-breaker look like [a fool]2654-a fool . ”[0-i] “ What do [you]68-breaker mean ? ”[68-breaker] “ Paper is a journey ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks . “ Where exactly were [you]68-breaker going with that ? ”[68-breaker] “ Well , if [you]68-breaker let [me]68-breaker finish , [you]68-breaker would have seen that [I]68-breaker was going pretty far with it . [I]68-breaker had an entire diatribe about how it opens [humans]2445-humans to [new worlds]2656-new worlds . ”[68-breaker] “ Yeah , let ’s keep the philosophical talk to a minimum . [The Beave]111-the beave is not going to want to hear it . [She]111-the beave ’s on edge . Just keep the talking to a minimum . Okay ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i glance over [Breaker]68-breaker ’s shoulder and catch a glimpse of the deep , menacing scowl [she]801-she ’s sporting as [she]801-she flips through templates . Huh , maybe [he]68-breaker ’s right . “ Okay , yeah . Maybe [she]111-the beave does n’t want to know how paper is a journey . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker can bet [my]68-breaker balls on the fact that [she]111-the beave does n’t want to hear it . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker pats [my]0-i shoulder . “ Deep breaths . Do n’t ramble for no reason . [It]2657-it shows weakness . Pick out an invite with confidence . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]0-i can do that . ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod . “ Thanks . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i ’re welcome . ”[802-we] [We]802-we head back to the table , and like [the gentleman [he]68-breaker is]803-the gentleman he is , [Breaker]68-breaker holds out [my]0-i chair for [me]0-i , and [I]0-i take a seat . [The Beave]2289-the beave glances up and asks , “ Everything okay ? ”[2289-the beave] “ Yes , quite good . Thank [you]68-breaker . ”[0-i] [I]0-i let out a deep breath , and as [Breaker]68-breaker takes a seat , [I]0-i say , “ Funny how paper is made , right ? [I]0-i watched this documentary — ”[0-i] [Breaker]68-breaker pops right back up from [his]68-breaker seat and says , “ [Lia]168-lia , another word . ”[68-breaker] Reluctantly , [I]0-i follow [him]68-breaker back to the corner , where [I]0-i whisper , “ What did [I]0-i do now ? ”[0-i] “ How about [we]2658-we try this , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , with one hand on [my]0-i shoulder . “ [You]0-i do n’t talk at all . ”[68-breaker] “ So just sit there in silence with [her]168-lia ? ”[0-i] “ Yes . ”[0-i] “ [You]68-breaker know [I]68-breaker ca n’t do that . [I]68-breaker do n’t like silence . [I]68-breaker can hear [people]2122-people breathing . It makes [me]68-breaker uncomfortable . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]0-i know , but [your]68-breaker chatting wo n’t do anything to this situation besides make it worse . So just focus on picking an invite and try not to say much . ”[0-i] “ That seems so cold . ”[0-i] “ This is a cold situation , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says . “ After [you]0-i burned [her]168-lia heirloom veil in effigy , this is no longer a lovey - dovey time . This is war , and if [you]0-i do n’t want to be pushed around , [you]0-i ’re going to have to hold [your]0-i head high , shut the fuck up , and pick out what [you]0-i want . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i go to respond , and [he]68-breaker adds , “ [You]0-i know how [you]0-i are so perplexed by the way [Huxley]92-jp can not say a word but get everything [he]92-jp wants ? It ’s because [he]92-jp ’s silent , and [people]2122-people buckle under the silence . Do n’t buckle . Make [her]168-lia buckle . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i ’re right . Be like [Huxley]92-jp , make [her]168-lia buckle . ”[68-breaker] “ Precisely . Okay , ready to go back [there]2152-there ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod . “ And no talk about paper journeys and the mechanics of how it ’s made . ”[0-i] “ [My]0-i lips are sealed , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Good . ”[0-i] [We]805-we head back to the table , and once again , [Breaker]68-breaker holds out [my]0-i chair for [me]0-i . “ Excuse [me]68-breaker , [I]68-breaker have to use [the restroom]2662-the restroom . [I]68-breaker ’ll be right back , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says right before heading to the back toward the restroom sign . Okay . Focus , [Lia]168-lia . [You]168-lia are quiet . [You]168-lia are strong . [You]168-lia are not buckling . Without saying a word , [I]0-i pick up a folder and start flipping through it . Every so often , [I]0-i can feel [Beave]111-the beave ’s eyes on [me]0-i , but [I]0-i continue to look through template after template . All of them are far too fancy to even consider . [I]0-i do n’t want something super stuffy . It can be pretty , but gold filigree seems a bit much . Lifting [my]0-i head , [I]0-i ask [the owner]806-the owner , “ Do [you]806-the owner happen to have anything that is n’t as fancy ? ”[0-i] “ Excuse [me]111-the beave ? ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave asks . “ What do [you]111-the beave mean not so fancy ? ”[111-the beave] Do [I]0-i answer ? [I]0-i was told to be quiet . Would [Huxley]92-jp answer ? Or would [he]92-jp just stare ? [I]0-i think [he]92-jp would just stare . So that ’s what [I]0-i do . [I]0-i stare at [her]111-the beave . “ [Ophelia]70-ophelia , [I]111-the beave asked [you]70-ophelia a question . ”[111-the beave] [I]0-i know , but [I]0-i ’m supposed to just stare , so . . . that ’s what [I]0-i do , as sweat creeps up [my]0-i neck , because this staring thing is hard . [The Beave]111-the beave must pick up on what [I]0-i ’m doing because [she]111-the beave folds [her]111-the beave hands in front of [her]111-the beave and stares back . Oh God ! It ’s a stare off . [Breaker]68-breaker did not prepare [me]0-i for this . Why did [he]68-breaker choose this moment to go to [the bathroom]621-the bathroom ? [He]68-breaker had a chance when [we]808-we went back to [the apartment]809-the apartment to change . This is poor peeing management on [his]68-breaker end , leaving [me]0-i here like this , all alone with a teaspoon of confidence in what [I]0-i ’m doing . And boy , is [she]111-the beave good . Really fucking good . [Those]111-the beave beady eyes stare back at [me]0-i . [She]111-the beave recognizes it ’s a showdown , and if [I]0-i know [this woman]810-this woman like [I]0-i think [I]0-i do , [she]111-the beave wo n’t back down . [Huxley]92-jp might be [the king of not talking]811-the king of not talking , but man , oh man , it looks like [The Beave]111-the beave can run a master class on it . Just look at the way [her]111-the beave eyes remain steady . Not a twitch . Not a fidget . Meanwhile , over here , [I]0-i ’m [a party of one]812-a party of one , heading straight into the fiery pits of hell as [I]0-i attempt to hold steady . But [I]0-i ’m wilting . [I]0-i can feel it . There ’s too much silence . It ’s killing [me]0-i . [I]0-i ’m going to break . [I]0-i ’m going to snap . [I]0-i ’m going to . . . “ Paper was invented by [the Chinese]144-the chinese back in 100 BC , ”[0-i] [I]0-i blurt , feeling an overwhelming sense of relief . “ And now , one single pine tree can create over eighty thousand sheets of paper . Can [you]2663-you believe that ? Wow , what a dedication to the journey of paper , which is of course , quite the tale in and of itself , but [I]0-i wo n’t bore [you]2663-you with that other than to say that paper really can transport [us]2664-us from world to world , and sure , [some people]2665-some people might say it ’s [the author who is transporting [us]2664-us]2666-the author who is transporting us , the words are just on the paper , but [you]2663-you ca n’t print words without paper . Although [I]0-i guess [you]2663-you can read electronically , ehh . . . either way , [I]0-i think paper is a journey , and do n’t [you]2663-you think [we]2664-us should appreciate that journey ? [I]0-i mean , look at this piece of paper , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i pick up a thick cardstock . “ Where do [you]2663-you think it came from ? What part of [the world]616-the world did this traverse ? For all [we]2664-us know , this used to be part of a tree that once housed a sloth or maybe a gibbon . And to know that it was [a house]2668-a house at one point and is not going to offer [its]2668-a house — for lack of a better term — body to [us]2664-us so [we]2664-us can invite [people]2122-people to the start of a new journey in life . . . do [you]2663-you see the full circle here ? Just marvelous . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pick up a pile of paper and run [my]0-i fingers through it . “ All marvel — ouch . ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle and then shake out [my]0-i hand . “ The paper did n’t like [me]0-i stroking it like that . Bit [me]0-i right on the finger . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i hand again , but this time , a line of red dots splatters across the paper and right across [The Beave]111-the beave ’s face . Oh . [My]0-i . God . [I]0-i glance down at [my]0-i finger and immediately feel faint as [I]0-i see blood pooling . “ [Dear God]103-god , [I]0-i ’ve done it now , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i sway , holding [my]0-i finger up . “ What the hell ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker yells as [The Beave]111-the beave just sits there in a shocked , catatonic state . “ Jesus , [Lia]168-lia . Can [we]2670-we get some tissues ? ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker holds [my]0-i finger up and then wraps [his]68-breaker arm around [my]0-i shoulder to keep [me]0-i from falling . “ What happened ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks . [I]0-i glance up at [him]68-breaker and whisper , “ [I]0-i buckled . ”[0-i] * * * “ How are [you]0-i feeling ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker asks as [he]68-breaker sits across from [me]0-i in [[his]68-breaker car]309-his car . “ How do [you]68-breaker think [I]0-i ’m feeling ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i set down [my]0-i yogurt drink . “ Besides embarrassed , humiliated , and regretful , [I]0-i want to know how [you]0-i ’re doing physically . ”[0-i] “ Fine . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stare up at [[Brian]100-brian ’s office building]814-brian ’s office building . “ Do [you]68-breaker think [she]100-brian already called [him]814-brian ’s office building and told [him]814-brian ’s office building ? ”[0-i] “ Ca n’t be sure , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says . “ But from the way [she]100-brian wiped [your]0-i blood off [her]100-brian face with vehement swipes , [I]68-breaker ’m going to say yes . ”[68-breaker] “ Then it ’s official . [I]0-i ca n’t show [my]0-i face near [her]100-brian ever again . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i ’re going to have to , and do n’t worry , [I]0-i will be there with [you]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ [I]0-i should just go back to [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment , drown in [my]0-i sorrows . ”[0-i] “ Is that what [you]0-i want to do ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker asks . [I]0-i press [my]0-i lips together and stare down at [my]0-i linked hands . “ No . [I]0-i want to talk to [Brian]100-brian . ”[0-i] “ Then [I]68-breaker think [you]0-i need to go talk to [him]2672-him . ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker takes [my]0-i hand in [his]68-breaker . “ [I]68-breaker can go up there with [you]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] “ No , that would be a bad idea . ”[0-i] [I]0-i undo [my]0-i seat belt and open the door . “ [I]0-i can and should do this on [my]0-i own . ”[0-i] [I]0-i glance up at [Breaker]68-breaker . “ Thank [you]68-breaker for everything today , despite [you]68-breaker leaving to pee at the worst time ever . ”[0-i] “ [I]68-breaker ’ve already noted that [I]68-breaker ’m to pee before [I]68-breaker ever leave [you]68-breaker alone with [The Beave]111-the beave again . ”[68-breaker] “ Good . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hop out of [[his]68-breaker car]309-his car and say , “ [I]0-i ’ll see [you]68-breaker later . ”[0-i] “ Good luck . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i wave goodbye and head into [[Brian]100-brian ’s office building]814-brian ’s office building . After the blood was cleaned and [Breaker]68-breaker offered to pay for all damages to the bloodied paper , [The Beave]111-the beave roughly showed [me]0-i [her]111-the beave three choices , and instead of putting up a fight , [I]0-i went with [her]111-the beave favorite . It ’s an invitation anyway , not like [my]0-i actual wedding dress . [She]111-the beave offered [me]0-i a curt goodbye and took off . [Breaker]68-breaker took [me]0-i to grab something to eat to help with [my]0-i anemia , then [I]0-i asked [him]68-breaker to drive [me]0-i here because not only do [I]0-i want to clear the air about what happened at [the church]734-the church . . . and [the paper shop]818-the paper shop , but [I]0-i also need to talk to [him]68-breaker about how [he]68-breaker spoke so negatively about [my]0-i glasses . Because despite the distractions from the day , that has stuck in [my]0-i mind . “ Hello , [Miss Fairweather - Fern]145-miss fairweather - fern , how are [you]0-i ? ”[100-brian] [[Brian]100-brian ’s assistant]819-brian ’s assistant , [Beverly]146-beverly , says as [I]0-i approach . “ [I]146-beverly ’m good , how are [you]0-i , [Beverly]146-beverly ? ”[146-beverly] “ Just lovely . Congratulations on the engagement . [Brian]100-brian has been talking nonstop about it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile kindly . “ Thank [you]146-beverly . [We]2673-we ’re very excited . ”[0-i] The lie slips off [my]0-i tongue with ease . Not so much excited as [I]0-i ’m nervous . Hopefully , excitement comes soon . “ Uh , is [Brian]100-brian available ? [I]146-beverly know [I]146-beverly came unannounced , but [I]146-beverly hoped [I]146-beverly could talk for a moment . ”[146-beverly] “ [He]820-he always wants to see [you]0-i , ”[146-beverly] [Beverly]146-beverly says . “ [I]146-beverly believe [he]820-he ’s just working right now , not on the phone . ”[146-beverly] “ Okay , thank [you]146-beverly . ”[0-i] [I]0-i wave to [Beverly]146-beverly and make [my]0-i way toward [[his]820-he office]821-his office . [She]146-beverly ’s always been so kind to [me]0-i . In [her]146-beverly fifties , [she]146-beverly is as efficient as [they]822-they come , detailed , and never lets anything slip , ever . [I]0-i remember when [Brian]100-brian first hired [her]146-beverly , [[his]820-he mother]442-his mother was furious . Said [he]820-he needed [someone younger]824-someone younger , not that [she]146-beverly should have a say in it . Still , [Brian]100-brian ’s intuition has paid off because [Beverly]146-beverly has been such a tremendous help to [him]820-he in getting all [his]820-he work done throughout the day . Plus , [she]146-beverly ’s nice to [me]0-i , so bonus . [I]0-i knock on [his]820-he door , then push open the frosty glass , poking [my]0-i head in . [He]820-he looks up from [his]820-he desk , and when [he]820-he spots [me]0-i , [his]820-he face completely lights up with a smile . “ [Lia]168-lia , ”[820-he] [he]820-he says as [he]820-he stands . “ What a great surprise . ”[820-he] [He]820-he walks over to [me]0-i , takes [my]0-i hand , and pulls [me]0-i into [[his]820-he office]821-his office while shutting the door behind [me]0-i . Before [I]0-i know what ’s happening , [he]820-he has [his]820-he hands on [my]0-i cheeks and tilts [my]0-i head as [his]820-he lips land on [mine]0-i . [I]0-i place [my]0-i hands on [his]820-he chest for balance while [he]820-he kisses [me]0-i deeply like [we]826-we have n’t seen [each other]288-each other in days . Not sure if [[his]820-he mother]442-his mother has talked to [him]820-he yet . Not sure [I]0-i would receive the same welcome . “ [I]820-he ’m so glad [you]0-i ’re here , ”[820-he] [he]820-he says between kisses . [I]0-i move [my]0-i mouth along with [his]820-he , sink into [his]820-he hold , and let all the stress and concerns fall to the side as [I]0-i allow [myself]0-i to be right here , at this moment . After a few more seconds , [he]820-he groans and pulls away , [his]820-he eyes looking heady and [his]820-he breath labored . “ Okay , things are going to get out of hand if [I]820-he keep kissing [you]0-i . ”[820-he] [He]820-he smiles and strokes [his]820-he thumb over [my]0-i cheek . “ Why am [I]820-he so lucky to see [you]0-i this afternoon ? ”[820-he] God , [he]820-he ’s being so sweet , [I]0-i almost feel bad about bringing this up , but if [I]0-i do n’t , it ’s going to thoroughly bother [me]0-i , which will turn into resenting [him]820-he , and [I]0-i do n’t want to resent [him]820-he . “ Have [you]820-he spoken to [[your]820-he mom]2455-your mom yet ? ”[0-i] “ No , [I]820-he ’ve been busy . [She]2455-your mom ’s called twice , though . Why ? ”[820-he] “ Uh , [I]820-he went to look at [the church]734-the church with [[your]820-he mom]2455-your mom this morning . ”[820-he] [He]820-he pulls [me]0-i toward [his]820-he desk , and [he]820-he takes a seat on the edge while pulling [me]0-i between [his]820-he legs . “ How was it ? Beautiful , right ? ”[820-he] “ Very , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ But [I]0-i think [we]2677-we might change it to [the gardens at [the club]2119-the club]2678-the gardens at the club . ”[0-i] “ Oh wow , that would be . . . that would be perfect . ”[820-he] [He]820-he smiles so lovingly that [I]0-i question [myself]0-i and what [[his]820-he mother]442-his mother said earlier . “ [I]442-his mother think so . ”[442-his mother] [I]0-i want to tell [him]820-he thanks to [Breaker]68-breaker but decide that ’s probably a sore subject . The last thing [I]0-i want to do is make [him]820-he mad or defensive , especially when [I]0-i ’m about to have this conversation with [him]820-he . “ But something happened when [I]0-i was there at [the church]734-the church . ”[0-i] “ Okay . . . what happened ? ”[820-he] [he]820-he asks skeptically . “ First of all , it was an accident . ”[820-he] “ Now [you]820-he have [me]0-i worried . What happened ? ”[0-i] “ Well , [[your]820-he mom]2455-your mom made [me]820-he try on [her]2455-your mom wedding veil because [she]2455-your mom wanted to see [me]820-he walk down [the aisle]745-the aisle wearing it . [I]820-he was wearing those shoes [you]820-he got [me]820-he that are a touch too big , and long story short , [I]820-he slipped out of them when walking , tumbled into a lit candle , and it rolled off the holder and right onto the veil . It caught on fire , and the only reason [I]820-he still have hair at this point is because [Breaker]68-breaker doused [me]820-he in holy water . ”[820-he] [Brian]100-brian does n’t initially react . [He]820-he just stands there , a confused look on [his]820-he face . After a few moments , [he]820-he says , “ Are [you]0-i being serious ? ”[820-he] “ Yes , [I]820-he would n’t lie about this . Trust [me]820-he . ”[820-he] “ So [you]0-i set [[my]820-he mom]2233-my mom ’s veil on fire ? ”[820-he] “ Not on purpose , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say quickly . “ It was all an accident . And that , uh , that was n’t the only thing that happened . ”[0-i] “ What do [you]0-i mean that ’s not the only thing that happened ? ”[820-he] “ Well , [you]820-he see , after [the church]734-the church , [I]820-he went and changed because the holy water soaked [me]820-he , but [we]2685-we had another appointment to pick out invitations , and well , [I]820-he got a paper cut while flipping through the paper , did n’t realize it , and ended up flicking [my]820-he blood on [[your]820-he mom]2455-your mom ’s face and all over the paper . ”[820-he] “ What ? ”[820-he] [he]820-he asks , [his]820-he eyes wider than ever now . “ [You]0-i flicked [your]0-i blood at [[my]820-he mom]2233-my mom ? ”[820-he] [I]0-i tug on the lapels of [his]820-he jacket . “ Once again , not on purpose . All a mistake , but [I]0-i thought [I]0-i should tell [you]820-he because [I]0-i ’m sure [she]2455-your mom called [you]820-he to beg [you]820-he to end things with [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [Brian]100-brian ’s expression lightens as [he]820-he pulls [me]0-i into a hug . “ [Lia]168-lia , [she]2455-your mom would n’t do that . ”[820-he] “ [I]820-he do n’t know . [She]2455-your mom was pretty upset . ”[820-he] “ [She]2455-your mom was probably upset , but [she]2455-your mom does like [you]820-he . [I]820-he ’m sure an apology is all that ’s needed . ”[820-he] Yeah , that ’s what [I]0-i thought too . “ Either way , ”[820-he] [he]820-he continues . “ [I]820-he ’m sure it ’s fine . Are [you]0-i okay , though ? Almost setting [your]0-i hair on fire and bleeding heavily does n’t sound like a fun day in wedding planning . ”[820-he] “ Yeah , pretty traumatic , but that was n’t the real reason [I]820-he came over [here]249-here . ”[820-he] “ It was n’t ? ”[820-he] [he]820-he asks . “ Jesus , if that ’s not the reason , then [I]820-he think [I]820-he should mentally prepare [myself]820-he . ”[820-he] [I]0-i slip one hand under [his]820-he jacket as [I]0-i say , “ Uh , probably . ”[0-i] [I]0-i ’m not [a confrontational person]830-a confrontational person , but [I]0-i know this needs to be addressed . “ So when [we]2689-we were at [the church]734-the church , before the fire , [[your]0-i mom]2455-your mom said something to [me]0-i that did n’t really settle well . ”[0-i] “ Whatever it was , [I]820-he ’m sure [she]831-she did n’t mean it , ”[820-he] [he]820-he says , jumping to [her]831-she defense right away . Needless to say , it bugs [me]0-i that [he]820-he never jumps to [my]0-i defense , especially not in front of [[my]0-i future mother - in - law]755-my future mother - in - law . “ [She]831-she ’s stressed with all the planning . [I]147-lovely ’m positive [she]831-she ’ll say a lot in the next coming weeks that wo n’t settle well . Do n’t take offense to it . ”[147-lovely] [Lovely]147-lovely . [Ca]114-ca n’t wait for that . “ No , this was something [you]0-i said . . . about [me]820-he . ”[820-he] [His]820-he brow furrows , and [he]820-he tilts [his]820-he head to the side . “ What did [she]831-she say ? ”[820-he] [I]0-i drop [my]0-i hands from [his]820-he and say , “ Well , [she]831-she said that [you]820-he do n’t like [my]0-i glasses and that they ’re childish , that [I]0-i would be better without them . ”[0-i] [I]0-i wait for [his]820-he backtracking . For [his]820-he denial . For any sort of indication [he]820-he did n’t say that . But [he]820-he does n’t . “ Did [you]820-he . . . did [you]820-he say that to [her]831-she ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [He]820-he glances away and then nods . “ [I]820-he did . [She]831-she was talking about the wedding pictures and how [your]833-you glasses might mess them up , and [I]820-he said that maybe [you]833-you ’d consider contacts since the purple glasses were kind of childish . ”[820-he] “ Oh , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply , feeling really stupid . It ’s not every day [[your]833-you fiancé]834-your fiancé tells [you]833-you [you]833-you ’re childish . It ’s not something [you]833-you want to hear either . “ [Lia]168-lia , [I]0-i do n’t want [you]820-he to take offense to that . ”[0-i] [My]0-i head snaps up . “ How could [I]0-i not take offense to that , [Brian]100-brian ? [I]0-i ’ve had these glasses forever . They ’re the ones [[my]0-i mom]2233-my mom helped [me]0-i pick out . [They]2693-they ’re special to [me]0-i . [They]2693-they mean something . ”[0-i] “ Oh , [I]835-you ’m sorry . [I]835-you did n’t know that , ”[835-you] [he]835-you says . “ [I]835-you just thought it was one of [your]820-he . . . quirks . [You]820-he know , like how [you]820-he ironically wear shirts with characters from [Harry Potter]148-harry potter . ”[835-you] “ [I]0-i do n’t wear those ironically . [I]0-i wear them because [I]0-i like them . ”[0-i] “ Well , either way , [I]0-i did n’t realize there was any meaning behind the glasses . [I]0-i ’m sorry , [Lia]168-lia . ”[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t know what to say . Thank [you]836-you for apologizing seems so sterile and robotic . It ’s okay is not appropriate because it ’s not okay . So instead of saying something , [I]0-i just stay silent . “ [Lia]168-lia . ”[835-you] [He]835-you tugs on [my]0-i hand . “ [I]835-you said [I]835-you ’m sorry . Please do n’t be mad . ”[835-you] “ [I]0-i ’m not mad , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , staring at [our]837-our connected hands . “ Just embarrassed , [I]0-i guess . ”[0-i] “ There ’s no need to be embarrassed . [I]835-you should never have said anything . That was really shitty . ”[835-you] “ Do [you]835-you think [they]2694-they make [me]835-you look ugly ? ”[835-you] “ No , [Lia]168-lia , ”[835-you] [he]835-you says quickly . “ Not at all . ”[835-you] “ Do [you]835-you think [I]835-you would be more attractive to [you]835-you without [them]2694-they ? Because that ’s how it feels , how the comment feels , like . . . like [I]835-you ’m not pretty enough when [I]835-you wear them . ”[835-you] “ [Lia]168-lia , that ’s not what [I]835-you meant . [I]835-you think glasses look great on [you]168-lia . [They]2694-they ’re just , they ’re purple is all , and [I]835-you would have thought that maybe someone [your]168-lia age would want something more sophisticated . ”[835-you] [My]0-i shoulders droop as [I]0-i mutter , “ So [I]0-i ’m not sophisticated enough ? ”[0-i] “ No , ”[835-you] [he]835-you groans while pulling on [his]835-you neck . “ Fuck , [I]0-i ’m not saying this right . Just . . . just forget [I]0-i said anything at all . ”[0-i] Forget what [he]835-you said ? [He]835-you insulted [me]0-i , and that ’s not easy to forget . [I]0-i look up at [him]835-you , insecurity racing through [me]0-i , and ask , “ Do [you]835-you think [I]0-i ’m good enough for [you]835-you ? ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[835-you] [His]835-you eyes widen . “ Of course , [Lia]168-lia . Why would [you]835-you think that ? ”[835-you] Because [I]0-i ’ve thought that for a while . Because [I]0-i think that maybe [we]838-we are n’t on the same trajectory . Because the things that are important to [you]835-you like money and status , are not important to [me]0-i . “ Because there are moments where [you]835-you try to change [me]0-i . Like when [we]838-we go to meals with [[your]835-you mother]2244-your mother , [you]835-you buy [me]0-i clothes to wear . ”[0-i] “ That ’s because [she]2244-your mother can be very particular , and [I]0-i do n’t want [her]2244-your mother giving [you]835-you a hard time . ”[0-i] “ Or the glasses , or when [we]838-we ’re in public , it ’s like [you]835-you have this standard [I]839-i have to meet for [me]839-i to be attached to [your]835-you arm . ”[839-i] “ What are [you]835-you talking about ? ”[0-i] “ Just this past weekend , [I]0-i said let ’s go get ice cream , and [I]0-i was going to go out in [my]0-i pajamas , but [you]835-you told [me]0-i to change . ”[0-i] “ [Lia]168-lia , [I]839-i could see [your]168-lia nipples through [your]168-lia white tank top . Do [you]168-lia really think [I]839-i want [people]2122-people seeing that ? ”[839-i] [He]839-i grips [my]0-i hips . “ That ’s just for [me]839-i . ”[839-i] [I]0-i look off toward [[his]839-i office]821-his office windows . “ [I]0-i do n’t know , it just feels like [I]0-i ’m not good enough for [you]168-lia . ”[0-i] “ [Lia]168-lia , stop . ”[839-i] [He]839-i tips [my]0-i chin toward [him]839-i . “ Of course [you]0-i ’re good enough . Why else would [I]839-i propose to [you]0-i ? Now [I]839-i ’m sorry about the glasses . [I]839-i never should have said that , but please do n’t let that unravel [you]0-i . ”[839-i] “ [I]0-i ’m not unraveling , [Brian]100-brian . [I]0-i ’m just trying to make sure [[my]0-i boyfriend]2697-my boyfriend — ”[0-i] “ Fiancé , ”[839-i] [he]839-i says in a clipped tone . “ Yes , [[my]839-i fiancé]371-my fiancé . [I]839-i ’m just trying to make sure that [he]2697-my boyfriend is marrying [me]839-i for the right reasons . ”[839-i] “ What are [you]839-i talking about ? Where is this coming from ? [We]2699-we had a great weekend , and now , all of a sudden , [you]839-i ’re doubting [me]839-i ? Does this”—he[839-i] smooths [his]839-i hand over [his]839-i mouth—“does this have to do with anything [Breaker]68-breaker said to [you]0-i today ? ”[839-i] “ Are [you]839-i serious right now ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , taking a step back from [him]839-i . “ [Breaker]68-breaker was nothing but supportive , especially when [[your]0-i mother]2244-your mother basically told [me]0-i [I]0-i was [a bridge troll with glasses]2701-a bridge troll with glasses and that [my]0-i opinion about [my]0-i wedding did n’t matter . Do not blame any of this on [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[0-i] “ Shit , [you]0-i ’re right . ”[839-i] [He]839-i exhales and places both hands on the edge of [his]839-i desk . “ [I]839-i ’m sorry . [I]839-i ’m just wound up and apparently unable to stop [myself]839-i from saying stupid things . ”[839-i] That much is obvious . “ Okay , well , [I]839-i think . . . [I]839-i think [I]839-i just need to take a breath . ”[839-i] “ No , ”[839-i] [he]839-i says , closing the space between [us]841-us . “ Do n’t leave . ”[839-i] “ [I]839-i need some fresh air , [Brian]100-brian . ”[839-i] “ Then let ’s go on a walk . Let ’s go to [the park across [the street]333-the street]2702-the park across the street . Please , [Lia]168-lia . [I]0-i feel like [a dick]2704-a dick , and [I]0-i do n’t want [you]168-lia leaving mad . ”[0-i] [I]0-i look at [his]839-i pleading eyes and realize that maybe . . . maybe [he]839-i is just as stressed as [I]0-i am . Because if [he]839-i was truly being mean about the glasses , then [he]839-i would n’t have any remorse , and there is clear remorse written all over [his]839-i face . “ Okay , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , nodding . [He]839-i holds [his]839-i hand out to [me]0-i , and [I]0-i take it . Together , [we]842-we walk out of [[his]839-i office]821-his office , asking [Beverly]146-beverly to take messages until [he]839-i gets back . Once outside [[his]839-i building]844-his building , [we]842-we head to [the quaint park across [the street]333-the street]845-the quaint park across the street . [It]845-the quaint park across the street ’s just [a small three - acre lot]847-a small three - acre lot , a place for [people]2122-people to sit and take a breather . [A tiny circular walking path with towering cottonwoods]849-a tiny circular walking path with towering cottonwoods offers a brilliant cover from the bristling sun . [Brian]100-brian squeezes [my]0-i hand as [he]839-i says , “ [I]100-brian ’m sorry [you]0-i had a rough day today , and [I]100-brian ’m sorry this wedding stuff is so stressful . [I]100-brian know it ’s not easy on [you]0-i . ”[100-brian] “ It ’s not , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ None of it has been easy . And if [I]100-brian were honest , [I]100-brian was n’t expecting a proposal . ”[100-brian] “ [You]0-i were n’t ? ”[839-i] [he]839-i asks , completely shocked . “ Not even a little . [I]839-i mean , come on , [Brian]100-brian , [we]2705-we never even talked about the possibility of getting married , so [I]839-i was caught off guard when [you]839-i got down on one knee . ”[839-i] “ But . . . [we]2705-we love [each other]288-each other . [I]100-brian mean , [I]100-brian love [you]0-i . ”[100-brian] “ And [I]100-brian love [you]100-brian , [Brian]100-brian . That ’s not the issue . [I]100-brian just . . . [I]100-brian do n’t know . [I]100-brian thought [we]2705-we ’d move in together , take that for a spin first before there was a ring involved . ”[100-brian] “ [We]2705-we sort of live together , at least half of the time . [You]0-i have a key to [[my]850-he place]473-my place , a dresser . [I]850-he just assumed that was n’t something [we]2705-we had to tackle . ”[850-he] [He]850-he pauses . “ Am [I]850-he moving too fast for [you]850-he ? ”[850-he] Yes . This is all too fast . Lightning speed . And [I]0-i do n’t know how [I]0-i feel . Something is off . Something does n’t feel right , and [I]0-i ca n’t pinpoint it . All [I]0-i can feel is this sickening churning in [my]0-i stomach that wo n’t stop . [The church]734-the church today , the way [[his]850-he mother]442-his mother treats [me]0-i like [a second - class citizen]853-a second - class citizen , the ability to insult [me]0-i without a worry or care , and how none of this was even on [my]0-i radar — it ’s too much . But [I]0-i ca n’t say that to [Brian]100-brian . [He]850-he ’s too sensitive . [He]850-he ’ll take [my]0-i worries and concerns wrong . [He]850-he ’ll think something is wrong with [him]850-he when , really , it ’s just time moving too fast . [I]0-i smile up at [him]850-he and say , “ No , just . . . just stunned is all and still trying to wrap [my]0-i head around all of it . ”[0-i] [He]850-he nods . “ [I]850-he ’m sure [[my]850-he mother]2272-my mother ’s plans are n’t helping . ”[850-he] “ Yeah , [she]2272-my mother ’s going a touch fast . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hold up [my]0-i fingers , causing [him]850-he to laugh . “ [She]2272-my mother ’s been wanting [me]0-i to propose to [you]850-he for a bit . ”[0-i] “ Really ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , surprised . “ [I]0-i would have guessed from [our]2709-our rather cold relationship that [she]2272-my mother would n’t want [you]850-he to propose to [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ [Mother]106-mother might be cold and uninviting at times , maybe a touch harsh , but [she]2272-my mother also can see when [I]100-brian ’m happy . ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian turns toward [me]0-i . “ And [you]0-i make [me]100-brian happy , [Lia]168-lia . Very happy . ”[100-brian] [I]0-i smile at [him]850-he . “ [You]0-i make [me]0-i happy , too , [Brian]100-brian . ”[0-i] [He]850-he pulls [me]0-i in close , and as [we]854-we continue to walk down [the paved path]855-the paved path , [his]850-he embrace feels different . And maybe it ’s because [Breaker]68-breaker held [me]0-i a lot today , but this feels forced , almost like [he]68-breaker ’s checking off a box . Hold fiancée , check . There does n’t seem to be any passion in the embrace . Any need to be close . And [I]0-i hate to admit it , but the way [he]68-breaker has [his]68-breaker hand pressing into [my]0-i arm , bringing [me]0-i up to [his]68-breaker shoulder , it almost feels suffocating . “ [She]442-his mother ’s been wanting [me]68-breaker to propose to [you]0-i for a bit . ”[68-breaker] Did [Brian]100-brian propose because [[his]850-he mother]442-his mother suggested it ? This hold , this moment , it does n’t feel right . This , [him]850-he , [us]854-we . . . for the first time since [I]0-i ’ve met [him]68-breaker , it does n’t feel right . Chapter Seven BREAKER [Lia]168-lia : [You]68-breaker never told [me]0-i where [you]68-breaker ’re headed tonight . Care to share with [a soon - to - be - married old hag]857-a soon - to - be - married old hag ? [Breaker]68-breaker : [You]68-breaker know , with that ratty old robe [you]68-breaker like to wear still , [you]68-breaker do resemble the true definition of [an old married hag]858-an old married hag . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i think that ’s the nicest thing [you]68-breaker ’ve ever said to [me]0-i . [Breaker]68-breaker : [You]68-breaker need to up [your]68-breaker standards . [Lia]168-lia : So where are [you]68-breaker going ? [Breaker]68-breaker : [I]0-i do n’t want to tell [you]168-lia . [Lia]168-lia : Why not . . . wait , is it embarrassing ? [Breaker]68-breaker : No , but [you]168-lia ’re going to give [me]0-i shit for it , and [I]0-i do n’t want to hear it , so [I]0-i ’d rather pretend [I]0-i did n’t tell [you]168-lia and move on . [Lia]168-lia : [Breaker Pickle Cane]68-breaker , [you]68-breaker tell [me]0-i what [you]68-breaker ’re doing with [Birdy]118-birdy this very instant . [I]0-i demand it . [Breaker]68-breaker : Oh , [you]168-lia demand it ? [Lia]168-lia : Yes , on the fake breasts of [Mrs. Doubtfire]149-mrs. doubtfire , if [you]68-breaker do n’t tell [me]0-i , [I]0-i ’m going to do something to [[your]68-breaker apartment]859-your apartment when [you]68-breaker ’re gone , and [you]68-breaker ’ll have no idea what it is because it will be so subtle that [you]68-breaker would n’t even notice . [Breaker]68-breaker : Firstly , [we]860-we NEVER swear on [Mrs. Doubtfire]149-mrs. doubtfire ’s breasts , that ’s . . . that ’s just criminal . Secondly , DON’T [YOU]68-breaker DARE touch a thing . [Lia]168-lia : Do [you]68-breaker really think [your]68-breaker capital letters will deter [me]0-i ? [Breaker]68-breaker : [They]861-they should . There ’s venom behind [them]861-they . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i ’m unfazed . [Breaker]68-breaker : [You]68-breaker ’re [a tyrant]862-a tyrant . These demands are impossible to live with . [Lia]168-lia : Just tell [me]0-i . Pleeeeeeeeeease . [Breaker]68-breaker : [You]68-breaker ’re annoying . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i know , now stop avoiding the topic and just tell [me]0-i what [you]68-breaker ’re doing tonight . [Breaker]68-breaker : Fine . [We]863-we ’re going to some cupcake class that [[her]864-her friend]865-her friend is teaching . [[Her]864-her friend]865-her friend wanted to fill [the classroom]867-the classroom to show [[her]864-her boss]868-her boss [she]864-her ’s valuable , so [Birdy]118-birdy recruited [me]0-i . [Lia]168-lia : A cupcake class ? But . . . [you]68-breaker hate baking . [Breaker]68-breaker : [I]0-i ’m well aware . [Lia]168-lia : Like [you]68-breaker hate baking so much , [you]68-breaker refused to put icing on [your]68-breaker toaster strudel . [Your]68-breaker exact words were “ [I]68-breaker want nothing to do with the process . Just put it in [my]68-breaker mouth . ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker : See , this is why [I]0-i did n’t want to tell [you]168-lia . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i ’m just stunned is all . [I]0-i did n’t know [Birdy]118-birdy mattered that much to [you]68-breaker . [Breaker]68-breaker : [She]118-birdy sounded desperate . [She]118-birdy pleaded to [the nice guy]869-the nice guy . What was [I]0-i going to say ? [I]0-i do n’t bake ? [Lia]168-lia : That ’s what [you]68-breaker would have told [me]0-i . [Breaker]68-breaker : [You]168-lia ’re different . [Lia]168-lia : If that ’s the case . Can [we]870-we take a baking class to learn how to make a wedding cake ? Breaker : That would be a hard no . [Lia]168-lia : [You]68-breaker do n’t love [me]0-i ! [Breaker]68-breaker : Shut up . [You]168-lia know [I]0-i love [you]168-lia more than anything . [Lia]168-lia : More than [your]68-breaker Star Wars stamp collection ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Of course . [I]0-i stuck that in storage . Clearly , it does n’t mean that much to [me]0-i . [Lia]168-lia : More than [your]68-breaker Jack Skellington mug ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Naturally . [I]0-i love the mug , but [I]0-i do n’t see it every day like [I]0-i see [you]168-lia . [Lia]168-lia : Okay . . . do [you]68-breaker love [me]0-i more than [your]68-breaker signed Lord of the Rings poster ? Breaker : Oooo , now [you]168-lia ’re testing [me]0-i . How about this , [you]168-lia come in a close second . [Lia]168-lia : Oddly , [I]0-i accept this . Breaker : LOL . Okay , [Birdy]118-birdy ’s here . Have to go . [Lia]168-lia : Have fun ! Send [me]0-i pictures . * * * “ [I]118-birdy know this was kind of out of the blue , but thank [you]168-lia for agreeing to come with [me]118-birdy , ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy says as [she]118-birdy ties on [her]118-birdy apron . [Mine]871-mine is already on , and [I]0-i desperately want to strip it off [me]0-i . [I]0-i hate aprons . [I]0-i hate flour and sugar . [I]0-i hate spatulas . [I]0-i hate oven mitts . [I]0-i hate everything on the table in front of [me]0-i . Nothing about baking is magical to [me]0-i . Not a single thing . The only great thing about the act of baking is the result , but [I]0-i would rather purchase the result than make it [myself]0-i . There are too many risk factors making it terrible that [I]0-i ’m not willing to take a chance on . Just buy . . . always buy . “ Not a problem , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say with a smile , even though [I]0-i know the smile is fake . “ Baking is not really [my]118-birdy thing , ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy says as [she]118-birdy adjusts the apron at [her]118-birdy neck . “ But [Callie]150-callie just got this job , and [she]150-callie really wants to impress [[her]150-callie boss]868-her boss . ”[118-birdy] “ [I]0-i would be the same way . ”[0-i] [I]0-i offer a nice smile . [I]0-i pick up the cat - themed spatula and say , “ At least the theme is pretty cool . ”[0-i] [Birdy]118-birdy tilts [her]118-birdy head to the side . “ Is that sarcasm ? ”[118-birdy] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head as [I]0-i take in the pink space . Walls covered in pink murals , aqua and seafoam - green utensils , as well as appliances with cats everywhere [you]872-you look , [Pussycat Cupcakes]151-pussycat cupcakes really went all out . “ [I]151-pussycat cupcakes like cats . [I]151-pussycat cupcakes had one growing up named [Jiggles]152-jiggles . [He]152-jiggles was [my]151-pussycat cupcakes best bud . ”[151-pussycat cupcakes] “ Really ? ”[118-birdy] [she]118-birdy asks . “ [You]0-i ’re being serious ? ”[118-birdy] “ Yeah . ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle . “ [I]0-i guess it would be hard to believe , but yeah , [Jiggles]152-jiggles and [I]0-i were quite [the pair]2711-the pair . [He]152-jiggles would follow [me]0-i around outside while [I]0-i flew [[my]0-i model airplanes]2712-my model airplanes , and at night , [he]152-jiggles would cuddle on [my]0-i pillow . ”[0-i] “ Aw , that ’s so sweet . What happened to [him]152-jiggles ? ”[118-birdy] “ Feline cancer . But [he]152-jiggles lived until [he]152-jiggles was eighteen , so [he]152-jiggles had a nice , full life . ”[0-i] “ Okay , so maybe [I]0-i do n’t feel that bad about taking [you]873-you to [a cat - themed cupcake place]2713-a cat - themed cupcake place then . ”[0-i] “ Oh no , [you]873-you should still feel bad . ”[0-i] [I]0-i wink at [her]873-you just as [[her]873-you friend]865-her friend starts the class . [I]0-i ’m surprised that the cupcakes are already made . For some reason , [I]0-i thought [we]875-we would be baking from scratch , but what [I]0-i come to find is this is a decorating class , so [we]875-we learn to make the frosting and how to pipe it onto the already cooled cupcakes . After a tutorial on how to make the frosting , [I]0-i dip [my]0-i finger along the side of the mixing bowl and take a taste of the buttercream . “ Not bad . ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy does the same , and [I]0-i watch as [she]118-birdy slips [her]118-birdy finger past [her]118-birdy lips and lightly sucks on it . Nothing about it is sexual , nothing at all , but for some odd reason — maybe because it ’s been some time for [me]0-i , or because [she]118-birdy is really fucking pretty — watching [her]118-birdy suck the frosting off [her]118-birdy finger makes the back of [my]0-i neck sweat . “ Ooo , that ’s good . ”[118-birdy] [She]118-birdy wipes [her]118-birdy finger on a towel . “ What color should [we]2714-we do ? ”[118-birdy] Gathering [myself]0-i , [I]0-i say , “ Well , [we]2714-we could go with the proposed color , pink . Or [we]2714-we can be rebels and pick something else . ”[0-i] “ A pink pussy . . . cat seems too generic . ”[118-birdy] [Her]118-birdy pause makes [me]0-i laugh . “ But blue . . . that ’s clearly not an option . ”[118-birdy] “ [No one]2095-no one likes a blue pussy . . . cat , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , causing [her]118-birdy to laugh this time . “ Green makes [me]0-i think ill . And [a sick pussy]2716-a sick pussy is not something [I]0-i want to eat . ”[0-i] “ Or lick , ”[0-i] [I]0-i add . “ Exactly . ”[0-i] [She]118-birdy taps [her]118-birdy chin , a smile playing on [her]118-birdy lips . “ What about red . . . uh , wait , [I]118-birdy take that back . ”[118-birdy] [I]0-i laugh out loud , grabbing the attention of [the other bakers]876-the other bakers . [She]118-birdy rests [her]118-birdy hand on [my]0-i arm and says , “ Shhh , [you]0-i ’re gathering attention . If [we]2717-we ’re straying from the pink pussy , [we]2717-we need to be stealthy about it . ”[118-birdy] “ Sorry , but definitely not red . ”[118-birdy] “ That was a terrible suggestion . How about orange or yellow ? Those feel right . ”[118-birdy] “ How about both ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Now , [I]118-birdy think [you]0-i ’re onto something . ”[118-birdy] [She]118-birdy hands [me]0-i a bowl and says , “ [I]118-birdy think if [we]2717-we split the icing in half , color one orange and one yellow , and then put them in the frosting tube at the same time , then [we]2717-we will get some sort of tie - dye effect . ”[118-birdy] [I]0-i blink a few times at [her]118-birdy and say , “ Uh , [I]0-i thought [you]118-birdy were n’t into baking . ”[0-i] “ [I]118-birdy ’m not , but [I]118-birdy do aimlessly scroll on Tik Tok . The algorithm has decided [I]118-birdy like to watch baking videos . And secretly . . . [I]118-birdy do . ”[118-birdy] “ It probably decided that because [you]0-i watch the video in its entirety instead of swiping up . This knowledge is on [you]0-i . ”[118-birdy] [She]118-birdy cutely raises [her]118-birdy hand . “ [Guilty]153-guilty . But [I]118-birdy do n’t watch for the education . [I]118-birdy watch because [I]118-birdy have a problem . ”[118-birdy] “ [I]0-i can see that . [You]118-birdy know , this makes [me]0-i think of [you]118-birdy differently . ”[0-i] [I]0-i joke around as [I]0-i stir in the yellow dye while [she]118-birdy does the orange . “ [I]0-i completely understand . If [you]0-i want to leave , [I]0-i wo n’t stop [you]0-i . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i know , leaving would be the right thing to do in order to teach [you]118-birdy a lesson , but [I]118-birdy think [I]118-birdy ’ll be [the bigger man]574-the bigger man and stay . ”[118-birdy] [She]118-birdy smirks . “ Do n’t act like [you]0-i ’re staying for [me]118-birdy . [You]0-i ’re just staying for the pussy cakes . ”[118-birdy] [I]0-i laugh out loud again . This time , it disrupts the class enough for [me]0-i to have to apologize and then turn back to [Birdy]118-birdy , [my]0-i cheeks flushed . * * * “ Thank [you]0-i for coming tonight , it meant a lot to [Callie]150-callie , ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy says as [we]877-we reach [[her]118-birdy white SUV]878-her white suv . “ [You]0-i know , [I]118-birdy think [I]118-birdy will say this once and only once because [I]118-birdy do n’t want to give off the wrong impression about [my]118-birdy likes and dislikes for baking , but [I]118-birdy had fun . ”[118-birdy] [She]118-birdy clutches [her]118-birdy chest as [she]118-birdy leans against [[her]118-birdy car]879-her car . “ Please , spare [my]118-birdy feelings from the lies . ”[118-birdy] “ [I]0-i did , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , moving in closer . “ [I]118-birdy had a lot of fun hanging out with [you]118-birdy . Was n’t as awkward as the double date . ”[118-birdy] [She]118-birdy reaches out and plays with the hem of [my]0-i shirt . “ Yeah , double dates are always a treat , especially when one half of it is a blind date . ”[118-birdy] [I]0-i set the box of extra cupcakes on top of [[her]118-birdy car]879-her car and move in closer so [she]118-birdy has to tilt [her]118-birdy head back to look up at [me]0-i . “ So are [we]2719-we still on for a hike and birdwatching ? [I]118-birdy did n’t deter [you]118-birdy with the way [I]118-birdy took down three cupcakes in one sitting ? ”[118-birdy] [Her]118-birdy lips tilt up . “ No , watching [you]118-birdy munch on those pussies actually made [me]0-i want to hang out even more . ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle . “ [You]118-birdy know , [you]118-birdy could have shown this sense of humor on the double date . ”[0-i] “ Oh [my]118-birdy God , [I]118-birdy would not be caught dead saying anything like that in front of [Brian]100-brian . [He]2720-he ’s so . . . stuck up , and [[my]118-birdy brother]2721-my brother is just the same . Whenever [I]118-birdy ’m around [Brian]100-brian , [I]118-birdy know [I]118-birdy have to keep it together . Act posh . ”[118-birdy] “ Why would [you]118-birdy want to act like [someone else]2722-someone else , not be [your]118-birdy true [you]118-birdy ? ”[118-birdy] “ Easier that way . [I]0-i ’d rather spend a few hours with [my]0-i pinky up , acting fancy , than answering to [[my]0-i brother]2721-my brother why [I]0-i said pussy in front of [Brian]100-brian . ”[0-i] [I]0-i push a strand of hair behind [her]881-her ear . “ Yeah , [I]0-i can see not wanting to get into it with [[your]881-her brother]2724-your brother . [I]0-i often have that thought cross [my]0-i mind . But even with a filter , [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers and [I]0-i seem to get into it somehow . ”[0-i] “ Same . ”[881-her] [She]881-her sighs . “ But to answer [your]0-i question , yes , [I]881-her still want to go hiking with [you]0-i . And maybe , [you]0-i know , if [you]0-i have availability for dinner or something this week , [I]881-her could be free . ”[881-her] [She]881-her winces and says , “ That sounds so pathetic like [I]881-her do n’t have a life , but who am [I]881-her kidding ? [I]881-her do n’t do much other than work out and go to work , so . . . if [you]0-i are free , [I]881-her ’m pretty sure [I]881-her would be too . ”[881-her] “ Not pathetic , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i stare down at [her]881-her lips , this overwhelming urge pulsing through [me]0-i to kiss [her]881-her . “ Honest , and [I]0-i like that . ”[0-i] [I]0-i lift [my]0-i finger under [her]881-her chin and hold [my]0-i breath as [I]0-i wait for [her]881-her to signal that this is okay . That [I]0-i can kiss [her]881-her . [She]881-her wets [her]881-her lips and tugs on [my]0-i shirt , indicating [she]881-her wants this just as much as [I]0-i do . [I]0-i lean down , bring [my]0-i nose close to [hers]881-her , and pause for a moment , giving [her]881-her a second to be ready before [I]0-i press [my]0-i lips lightly against [hers]881-her . It ’s a feather of a kiss , nothing too intense , nothing open - mouthed . Just sweet . Just enough to curb that urge . Just enough to get a taste of [her]881-her . When [I]0-i pull away , [she]881-her smiles up at [me]0-i , [her]881-her eyes glimmering under the city lamps . “ [I]0-i ’ll call [you]881-her , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i pull away and grab the cupcake box . [I]0-i stick one hand in [my]0-i pocket and watch as [she]881-her opens [her]881-her car door . “ [I]881-her ’m holding [you]881-her to that . ”[881-her] [She]881-her steps into [[her]881-her car]879-her car and then shuts the door . [I]0-i take another step back , and while [I]0-i watch [her]881-her drive away , [I]0-i let out a deep breath as [I]0-i replay the kiss in [my]0-i head . It was good . Sweet . Yet , why did n’t [I]0-i feel anything ? * * * [Lia]168-lia runs [her]168-lia fingers along a bouquet of hydrangeas while [The Beave]111-the beave corners [the florist]883-the florist about arrangement options . “ So are [you]168-lia going to just ignore the fact that [you]168-lia went on a baking date and not tell [me]0-i anything about it ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug as [I]0-i pick up a pink hydrangea and put it up against [Lia]168-lia ’s perfectly freckled face . “ Nothing to really say . It was n’t really baking , as it was frosting cupcakes . ”[0-i] “ And . . . ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia asks , trying to get [me]0-i to talk , but . . . [I]0-i do n’t know . [I]0-i do n’t really want to talk about it . “ And [I]0-i brought cupcakes [home]373-home , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer and put the flower back in its pot . “ Uh - huh , so [you]168-lia ’re telling [me]0-i that ’s all that happened ? Nothing else ? ”[0-i] “ [I]168-lia mean , [we]2727-we talked and laughed , and [she]168-lia was pretty fucking funny . But yeah , that was it . ”[168-lia] “ Did [you]0-i kiss [her]168-lia good night ? ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia asks , [her]168-lia voice dropping an octave . [I]0-i pause because this feels weird . [I]0-i do n’t know why this feels weird . Things with [Lia]168-lia never feel weird , but talking about [Birdy]118-birdy does . “ Um , from [your]0-i pause , [I]168-lia ’m going to assume that ’s a yes . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia lightly pushes at [my]0-i shoulder . “ Breaker , why are n’t [you]0-i telling [me]168-lia what happened ? ”[168-lia] “ Because , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , turning away from [her]168-lia . “ Because why ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks . “ Just because . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia moves around [me]0-i so [I]0-i ’m forced to look in [her]168-lia eyes . “ That ’s not an answer . [You]168-lia tell [me]168-lia everything , so why are [you]168-lia being weird about this ? ”[168-lia] “ [I]0-i do n’t know , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say while exhaling and pushing [my]0-i hand through [my]0-i hair . “ Probably because it feels weird . Okay ? This whole dating thing feels weird . And [I]0-i do n’t know how to handle it . ”[0-i] “ Well , not talking to [me]168-lia does n’t help . [We]2728-we tell [each other]288-each other everything . ”[168-lia] “ [I]0-i know . ”[0-i] [I]0-i dip [my]0-i head back and look at the sky for a moment . “ Fuck , [Lia]168-lia , [I]0-i kissed [her]168-lia last night because [I]0-i really wanted to . ”[0-i] [I]0-i look [her]168-lia in the eyes now . “ All night , [she]168-lia made [me]168-lia laugh , and [she]168-lia ’s beautiful , and at one point , [she]168-lia sucked on [her]168-lia finger , and it made [me]168-lia fucking sweat . ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia smirks . “ So when it came to saying good night , [I]0-i wanted to kiss [her]168-lia , and [I]0-i did . ”[0-i] [I]0-i tug on [my]0-i hair . “ And it was good . Sweet . Not too intense , just perfect . But [I]0-i . . . [I]0-i felt nothing . ”[0-i] “ Nothing ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks . [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ No , there was no spark , no desire to push [her]168-lia up against [the SUV]2730-the suv and further the kiss . It was just sweet . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head again . “ [I]0-i think there ’s something wrong with [me]0-i . This is why [I]0-i do n’t date because [I]0-i never feel anything for [anyone]2080-anyone . Never . It ’s always just . . . average . And [Birdy]118-birdy is not the type of girl [I]0-i take [home]373-home for the night and not see again . [She]118-birdy ’s [the dating type]2733-the dating type . ”[0-i] “ Are [you]884-we two done conversing over there ? ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave calls out while snapping [her]111-the beave fingers . “ [I]111-the beave have important things to discuss . ”[111-the beave] [Lia]168-lia turns toward [me]0-i and says , “ This conversation is n’t over . [You]0-i hear [me]168-lia ? ”[168-lia] “ Yeah , did n’t think it would be , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [we]884-we head on over to [the florist]883-the florist . “ [Ophelia]70-ophelia , please do n’t drag [your]70-ophelia feet . It ’s unbecoming . ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia clamps [her]168-lia lips together , probably to keep [her]168-lia from snapping back . [The Beave]111-the beave ’s mood has carried over from yesterday , and it has been fucking unpleasant . “ Now , [I]111-the beave just spoke with [the florist]883-the florist and [she]883-the florist said [she]883-the florist can accommodate [our]884-we order of red roses , but [we]884-we need to act quickly . ”[111-the beave] “ Red roses ? ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia sneers . “ Those are so formal . ”[168-lia] [She]111-the beave hates red roses . Thinks they ’re so cliché . Ca n’t say [I]0-i disagree . “ Exactly , this is a formal wedding , [Ophelia]70-ophelia . What do [you]111-the beave expect to have at the wedding ? Daisies ? ”[0-i] [The Beave]111-the beave snorts as if that ’s the most preposterous thing [she]111-the beave ’s ever heard . “ As a matter of fact , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says , “ [I]168-lia was thinking daisies would be perfect . [They]2735-they were [[my]168-lia mom]2233-my mom ’s favorite flower . ”[168-lia] [The Beave]111-the beave pauses and then clasps [her]111-the beave hands together . “ [Ophelia]70-ophelia , [I]111-the beave appreciate [your]70-ophelia dedication to [[your]70-ophelia mother]2244-your mother ’s favorite flower . Very admirable , but this is a wedding , not a memorial . This is a celebration . ”[111-the beave] Oh fuck . [Lia]168-lia gasps . It ’s under [her]168-lia breath — subtle — that [you]886-you almost do n’t hear it , but it ’s just enough for [me]0-i to notice . Just enough for [me]0-i to know what ’s going to happen next if [I]0-i do n’t interject . “ [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , stepping in before [Lia]168-lia loses it . “ [I]0-i do n’t want to step on any toes here , but [I]0-i believe it would be a kind and serving thing to honor [[Lia]168-lia ’s late mother]2738-lia ’s late mother by including daisies . It would be a way to include [[her]168-lia mother]2739-her mother since [she]2739-her mother ca n’t be [here]249-here . ”[0-i] “ But roses and daisies do n’t go well together . ”[883-the florist] “ [I]883-the florist can include daisies in [the bride]461-the bride ’s bouquet , ”[883-the florist] [the florist]883-the florist says . “ [I]168-lia do n’t need a bouquet , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says , causing [The Beave]111-the beave to snap [her]111-the beave head in [her]168-lia direction . “ What do [you]168-lia mean [you]168-lia do n’t need a bouquet ? What on earth would [you]168-lia possibly walk down the aisle with ? ”[111-the beave] “ [I]111-the beave made a bunch of knitted flowers with [[my]111-the beave mom]2233-my mom and [grandma]2743-grandma . [I]111-the beave ’ve saved them so [I]111-the beave could make a bouquet out of them one day . ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave is silent , and then slowly , [she]111-the beave starts to chuckle . The chuckle grows . And grows . It ’s probably the most offensive thing [I]0-i ’ve seen . [This woman]810-this woman thinks [she]810-this woman has class , but [she]810-this woman actually has none . “ Knitted flowers ? For a wedding ? [You]0-i ca n’t be serious . ”[810-this woman] [The Beave]111-the beave waves [her]111-the beave hand in front of [her]111-the beave , dismissing the whole notion . “ [I]0-i ’m pretty sure [she]111-the beave ’s serious , or else [she]111-the beave would n’t bring it up , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , losing [my]0-i cool . [Lia]168-lia gently places [her]168-lia hand on [my]0-i arm , letting [me]0-i know [she]168-lia has this . “ [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver , [I]168-lia appreciate [your]108-mrs. beaver need to make this a beautiful wedding , but [you]108-mrs. beaver need to remember that [you]108-mrs. beaver ’re around to see [[your]108-mrs. beaver son]2744-your son get married , and [[my]168-lia parents]2089-my parents are n’t , so incorporating [them]2089-my parents into the ceremony and reception is important to [me]168-lia . ”[168-lia] “ And it should be important to [you]168-lia as well , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , backing [her]168-lia up . Sensing the tone , [The Beave]111-the beave straightens . [Her]111-the beave expression morphs into one of understanding , and [she]111-the beave quickly slips back into [the prim and proper woman [she]111-the beave attempts to portray [herself]111-the beave as]889-the prim and proper woman she attempts to portray herself as . [She]111-the beave turns to [the florist]883-the florist and says , “ Well , if [we]892-we could find a suitable way to incorporate daisies without looking tacky , [we]892-we would appreciate it . ”[111-the beave] [The florist]883-the florist glances between [us]892-we , looking entirely too frightened . “ [I]883-the florist believe [we]892-we can . ”[883-the florist] “ What a nice compromise , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as a bee buzzes near [my]0-i head . [I]0-i swat it away . “ [I]0-i think daisies and roses will go well together . ”[0-i] “ Especially white roses , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says . “ Oh , come now , [you]0-i ca n’t be serious , ”[168-lia] [The Beave]111-the beave says . “ White roses ? [You]0-i might not be getting married in [a church]560-a church , but for heaven ’s sake , white roses ? [We]892-we ’re not lying to [[our]892-we guests]2747-our guests . ”[111-the beave] [I]0-i watch a bee float around [The Beave]111-the beave ’s head , but either [she]111-the beave does n’t care or has no sense for nature because [she]111-the beave does n’t move . “ Why would [we]892-we be lying to [the guests]2748-the guests ? ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia asks . [The Beave]111-the beave folds [her]111-the beave hands together and says , “ [Ophelia]70-ophelia , [I]111-the beave have turned a blind eye to [your]70-ophelia nighttime activities with [[my]111-the beave son]2621-my son , but not [everyone]2071-everyone is as forgiving . White roses symbolize purity , and [I]111-the beave ’m afraid [you]70-ophelia ’re anything but pure . ”[111-the beave] [I]0-i watch as [Lia]168-lia ’s cheeks grow red with embarrassment . “ [I]168-lia do n’t think that matters . ”[168-lia] “ Oh , it matters , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave says . “ Okay , then maybe pink , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia suggests . “ Does n’t that have to do with grace or something ? ”[168-lia] “ Grace and sweetness , ”[883-the florist] [the florist]883-the florist adds . “ That would be good then , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says just as the bee flies near [her]168-lia head , and [I]0-i wince , knowing [she]168-lia ’s going to freak out . “ Oh my God , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia squeals as [she]168-lia shifts up against [me]0-i , ducking . “ What on earth are [you]70-ophelia doing ? ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave asks . “ It was a bee . ”[111-the beave] It buzzes near [her]168-lia head again , and [Lia]168-lia squeals once again while jumping toward the left . “ Do n’t sting [me]168-lia , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia calls out . “ For heaven ’s sake , it ’s just a bee . If [you]70-ophelia ca n’t handle that , how are [you]70-ophelia going to get married in [the gardens at [the club]2119-the club]2678-the gardens at the club ? ”[168-lia] “ As long as [they]2753-they don’t — booooother - [her]2754-her - her me , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says , hopping around again when the bee goes for [her]168-lia ear . “ [It]2755-it ’s dive - bombing [me]168-lia . [It]2755-it knows [I]168-lia ’m weak . ”[168-lia] “ [Ophelia]70-ophelia , [you]70-ophelia ’re making a fool of [yourself]70-ophelia . ”[168-lia] “ [I]168-lia ’m sorry , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says as [she]168-lia straightens up , just in time for the bee to hit [her]168-lia in the ear . “ Mother of [God]103-god ! ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia screams as [she]168-lia flails [her]168-lia arm out to the side , unfortunately striking [The Beave]111-the beave right in the boob . Plop . And together , [we]894-we all watch in horror as [the fragile woman]895-the fragile woman flails [her]895-the fragile woman arms up in the air , a croak falling off the tip of [her]895-the fragile woman tongue as [she]895-the fragile woman teeters backward . There ’s no stopping the inevitable . [We]894-we all see it happening . [She]895-the fragile woman ’s headed right for the stacks of hydrangeas . And with a crash , a groan , and a tumble , [the nursery]896-the nursery falls silent as [The Beave]111-the beave sinks into the table of flowers . Buckets of water fall everywhere . Hydrangea branches snap . And a wince felt around [the world]616-the world appears on all of [our]894-we faces . “ Get [me]111-the beave out of [here]249-here at once , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave says . [I]0-i rush to [her]168-lia side and help [her]168-lia out , only to quickly go to [Lia]168-lia ’s side for protection because the inner depths of hell are about to part , and [I]0-i ’m pretty sure if [I]0-i do n’t hold on tight enough , [Lia]168-lia is going to be sucked in . “ Oh [my]168-lia God , [I]168-lia ’m so sorry , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia starts , but [The Beave]111-the beave holds [her]111-the beave hand up to stop [her]168-lia . Straightening [her]111-the beave jacket and wiping the water from [her]111-the beave face , [she]111-the beave looks up at [Lia]168-lia and says in a voice [I]0-i think was only intended for nightmares , “ There will be red roses at the wedding with very minimal daisies . End of discussion . ”[111-the beave] And then [she]111-the beave takes off , [[her]111-the beave assistant]735-her assistant at [her]111-the beave side . [We]899-we stand there , a touch stunned as [the florist]883-the florist leaves as well . After a few seconds , [Lia]168-lia says , “ That , uh . . . that was n’t ideal . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i ca n’t help it . [I]0-i let out a low chuckle and say , “ Who knew [you]168-lia would get to [second base]2757-second base with [[your]168-lia mother - in - law]2758-your mother - in - law today ? What did it feel like ? In [my]0-i head , they ’re just sacs of dust . ”[0-i] [She]168-lia coughs a few times . “ Is that what [I]168-lia ’m tasting ? Boob dust ? ”[168-lia] [I]0-i let out a wallop of a laugh as [I]0-i drape [my]0-i arm over [her]168-lia and guide [her]168-lia toward the exit . “ Just be glad [your]168-lia arm did n’t fly low , or else [you]168-lia would have a mouthful of vagina dust . ”[0-i] “ Vagina dust . . . is n’t that just Old Bay seasoning ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks , causing [me]0-i to snort . “ Oh fuck . . . [I]168-lia love [you]168-lia . ”[168-lia] * * * “ [You]168-lia know , [I]168-lia ’ve never seen [someone]2072-someone ’s blood boil in real life . [You]168-lia always hear the idiom , but [you]168-lia never actually see it . ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia takes a bite of [her]168-lia burrito as [we]901-we sit outside [Alberto ’s]22-alberto ’s , [one of [[our]901-we favorite places to go when [we]901-we ’re [downtown]654-downtown]903-our favorite places to go when we ’re downtown]902-one of our favorite places to go when we ’re downtown . “ But wow , [we]901-we witnessed [The Beave]111-the beave ’s blood rippling through [her]111-the beave ghastly veins today . It was something else . ”[168-lia] “ If looks could kill , [we]901-we ’d both be dead . ”[168-lia] “ Dead on the spot . Did [you]168-lia catch the look [the florist]883-the florist gave [us]901-we ? [I]168-lia ’m pretty sure [she]111-the beave wanted to shrivel up and disappear . ”[168-lia] “ [I]168-lia think that ’s how [everyone]2071-everyone feels when [The Beave]111-the beave is around . ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia takes a sip from the large lemonade [we]901-we decided to share . “ [Thanks]2762-thanks for sticking up for [me]168-lia . [I]168-lia appreciate it . ”[168-lia] “ [You]168-lia do n’t need to say thank [you]168-lia . That ’s what [a Pickle of Honor]2763-a pickle of honor does . ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia chuckles but then grows quiet . “ Do [you]168-lia think it ’s stupid to do the knitted flower thing ? ”[168-lia] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ Makes [me]0-i like [you]168-lia that much more . ”[0-i] [Her]168-lia eyes lift to [mine]0-i . “ [I]168-lia think it ’s really sweet , and if [I]168-lia were in [your]0-i shoes , [I]168-lia would want to do the same thing . This is an important day in [a person]2764-a person ’s life , and it ’s only right to honor [those who ca n’t be there]2765-those who ca n’t be there . [I]168-lia think [[your]0-i mom]2455-your mom would love it if [you]0-i walked down the aisle with something [you]0-i made together . ”[168-lia] “ Agreed . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia sets [her]168-lia burrito down . “ [I]168-lia keep thinking about the walk down [the aisle]745-the aisle and how [[my]168-lia dad]2768-my dad would have held [me]168-lia tightly , told [me]168-lia how much [he]2768-my dad loves [me]168-lia , how proud [he]2768-my dad is , and how [he]2768-my dad always dreamed of that day . The day [he]2768-my dad could give [me]168-lia away . And now . . . now [I]168-lia wo n’t have that . [I]168-lia ’ll have to make the walk alone , and that ’s daunting . ”[168-lia] “ [I]0-i ’ll walk [you]168-lia down [the aisle]745-the aisle , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [You]168-lia wo n’t be alone . [You]168-lia ’ll have [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ [The Beave]111-the beave would never go for that , as [you]168-lia ’re supposed to go ahead of [me]168-lia since [you]168-lia ’re [the Pickle of Honor]2770-the pickle of honor . ”[168-lia] “ By the way , if [Pickle of Honor]154-pickle of honor is n’t on the programs , [I]905-i ’m going to rage . ”[905-i] [She]905-i smirks . “ But [I]905-i do n’t care what [The Beave]111-the beave wants . [I]905-i want [you]168-lia to be happy , to feel like [you]168-lia ’re surrounded by [the people who love [you]168-lia]2771-the people who love you , and if that means [I]905-i ’m double downing on responsibilities , then who fucking cares ? ”[905-i] “ Thank [you]168-lia . Ugh , [I]168-lia hate that this has all been so morose . [I]168-lia feel like when [you]168-lia get married , it should be this big celebration . So far , it ’s felt like a version of hell . The only reason [I]168-lia ’ve made it through these past two days is because of [you]168-lia . [I]168-lia ’m pretty sure [I]168-lia would have folded after the guest list number . ”[168-lia] “ It will get better . Once all this planning is out of the way , it will be smooth sailing . ”[168-lia] “ [I]905-i hope so . ”[905-i] [She]905-i lifts [her]905-i burrito and takes another bite . “ So [you]0-i going to finish that conversation about [Birdy]118-birdy ? ”[905-i] “ What else is there to say ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask with a shrug . “ [I]0-i think [I]0-i ’m going to give it another chance , just because [she]118-birdy ’s cool and [I]0-i had a good time with [her]118-birdy . Maybe it was all the sugar [I]0-i ate , but [I]0-i told [her]118-birdy [I]0-i would take [her]118-birdy hiking , so [I]0-i ’m going to do that , and [we]2772-we ’ll see where it goes from there . ”[0-i] “ Why are [you]0-i pushing it ? If [you]0-i do n’t like [her]118-birdy , [you]0-i do n’t like [her]118-birdy . ”[905-i] “ It ’s not that [I]0-i do n’t like [her]118-birdy , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [I]0-i actually do . [I]0-i just did n’t feel anything when [I]0-i kissed [her]118-birdy , and [I]0-i expected more , [you]0-i know ? Maybe [I]0-i was nervous . [She]118-birdy was tugging at [my]0-i shirt , and that was hot , so maybe [I]0-i got in [my]0-i head . ”[0-i] “ [She]118-birdy was tugging on [your]0-i shirt ? ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia asks , [her]168-lia burrito halfway to [her]168-lia mouth . “ Like to take it off ? ”[168-lia] “ No , like to keep [me]0-i in place . [I]0-i liked it . And [her]118-birdy lips were super soft . [I]0-i wonder if [I]0-i open - mouth kissed [her]118-birdy if that would have been better ? ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i did n’t open - mouth kiss [her]118-birdy ? ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia asks . “ So it was just tight - lipped ? ”[168-lia] “ Yeah , like a peck . ”[0-i] “ Well , that ’s probably why [you]0-i did n’t feel anything . A peck does n’t give [you]0-i much room to interpret attraction . ”[0-i] “ Huh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i scratch the side of [my]0-i jaw and grab [our]906-our lemonade . “ [You]168-lia know , [you]168-lia might be right . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i know [I]0-i am . ”[0-i] “ Do n’t be humble or anything . ”[0-i] “ When have [we]906-our ever been humble around [each other]288-each other ? ”[0-i] “ Never , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . [I]0-i lean back in [my]0-i chair . “ What are [you]168-lia doing tonight ? ”[0-i] “ Headed over to [[Brian]100-brian ’s]2407-brian ’s . Things have been a little sticky lately between [us]906-our , and [he]2407-brian ’s ’s feeling it , so [he]2407-brian ’s asked [me]0-i over . [He]2407-brian ’s ’s making dinner . ”[0-i] “ Did [you]168-lia talk to [him]2407-brian ’s about the glasses ? ”[907-she] [She]907-she wipes [her]907-she mouth with a napkin and nods . “ Yeah , [he]2407-brian ’s admitted to saying that to [[his]2407-brian ’s mom]408-his mom . ”[907-she] Fury boils in [my]0-i stomach . [The man]260-the man is still such [a douche]352-a douche , and [I]0-i ca n’t ever see [myself]0-i liking [him]260-the man . “ But apologized . [I]0-i do n’t know . [I]0-i feel like this is when all the rotten things come out in a relationship . It ’s best it comes out now , right ? So [you]0-i know [you]0-i can work through all of it . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , probably . ”[92-jp] Just then , [my]0-i phone beeps with a text . [I]0-i glance down and see that it ’s from [Huxley]92-jp . “ One second . ”[92-jp] [I]0-i hold up [my]0-i finger and then read the text . [Huxley]92-jp : Can [you]0-i come over to [[my]0-i place]473-my place tomorrow ? [We]911-we have some updates [I]0-i would like to go over . [I]0-i text [him]92-jp back quickly . Breaker : Sure . What time ? [Huxley]92-jp : Nine . See [you]0-i then . [I]0-i glance up at [Lia]168-lia . “ Looks like [Huxley]92-jp has some updates . ”[168-lia] “ Oooo , [Shoemacher]95-gemma is going down . ”[0-i] Chapter Eight BREAKER [I]0-i ’m fucking bored . Staring at [my]0-i computer and the Tetris blocks blotting down the screen , [I]0-i realize that [my]0-i life is pathetic . Yup . This is what [I]0-i ’m doing , playing Tetris on [my]0-i computer like [some seventy - year - old man]912-some seventy - year - old man , all because [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend is hanging out with [[her]2156-my best friend soon - to - be husband]914-her soon - to - be husband , and [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers are off having copious amounts of sex with [[their]317-my brothers wives]916-their wives . See , this is exactly what [I]0-i was talking about . [I]0-i need a life outside of [my]0-i norm . [I]0-i need [people]2122-people to hang out with . [I]0-i need activities . [I]0-i need something other than sitting at [home]373-home by [myself]0-i , wearing a Batman Band - Aid over [my]0-i nipple because [I]0-i thought it was funny . Standing from [my]0-i desk , [I]0-i stretch [my]0-i arms over [my]0-i head , and [I]0-i go to text [JP]92-jp to see what [he]92-jp ’s doing , then pause . [I]0-i know what [he]92-jp ’s doing , [[his]92-jp wife]553-his wife . [Huxley]92-jp too . And it ’s not even like [I]0-i can text [Banner]155-banner — [[our]920-our new business partner]921-our new business partner and friend — because [he]155-banner hooked up with someone at [JP]92-jp and [Kelsey]113-kelsey ’s wedding . [Everyone]2071-everyone is coupled . [EVERYONE]2071-everyone ! Stupid , [I]0-i should be coupled too , not sitting around [[my]0-i house]2345-my house , drinking freaking orange juice and attempting to beat [my]0-i own personal best on Tetris at seven o’clock at night . [I]0-i pick up [my]0-i phone , click on the thread with [Birdy]118-birdy , and shoot [her]118-birdy a text . [Breaker]68-breaker : What are [you]118-birdy up to ? [I]0-i ’m pathetically playing [Tetris]24-tetris alone at the moment . [I]0-i walk to [[my]0-i bedroom]496-my bedroom , where [I]0-i strip out of [my]0-i shorts and put on a pair of black joggers just as [she]118-birdy texts back . [Birdy]118-birdy : [I]0-i ’m watching Sex and [the City]2286-the city while feasting on one of [our]927-our pussy cakes . [Breaker]68-breaker : [LOL]156-lol . Want some company ? [Birdy]118-birdy : Always . [I]0-i ’ll ping [you]68-breaker [my]0-i address . By the way , dress comfy . [I]0-i ’m in loungewear . [Breaker]68-breaker : Slipping on a plain T - shirt as [we]927-our speak . [Birdy]118-birdy : Oh , did [I]0-i mention no shirt is necessary ? [Breaker]68-breaker : [I]0-i think [you]118-birdy skipped that detail . See [you]118-birdy soon . * * * [Birdy]118-birdy lives in [a really nice apartment]928-a really nice apartment . [Gated community]929-gated community , [lavish pool]930-lavish pool , and expertly landscaped . Not sure how much [she]931-you pays for rent , but it ’s probably more than [I]0-i do , which [I]0-i find funny given the vast difference in [our]927-our bank accounts . [I]0-i pull into [a parking spot outside of [[her]931-you building]933-her building]932-a parking spot outside of her building , grab the box of cupcakes from [our]927-our class off [my]0-i seat — never show up empty - handed — and jog up the steps toward [apartment 3C.]934-apartment 3c. [I]0-i knock on the door three times , and [I]0-i ’m tempted to kick the footboard but remind [myself]0-i that ’s something [I]0-i do with [Lia]168-lia and hold back . The locks are undone , and the door opens for [me]0-i to find [Birdy on the other side wearing a pair of silk shorts and a simple black tank top]935-birdy on the other side wearing a pair of silk shorts and a simple black tank top . “ [You]931-you brought cupcakes ? [I]935-birdy on the other side wearing a pair of silk shorts and a simple black tank top thought [you]931-you would n’t have any left after how [you]931-you took them down in the class . ”[935-birdy on the other side wearing a pair of silk shorts and a simple black tank top] “ [I]0-i went on a one - day detox . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hand them to [her]931-you just as [she]931-you steps up to [me]0-i , places [her]931-you hand on [my]0-i chest , and greets [me]0-i with a kiss on the corner of [my]0-i mouth . That was unexpected , but [I]0-i did n’t mind it . “ [I]931-you ’m glad [you]0-i ’re [here]249-here . ”[931-you] [She]931-you then takes [my]0-i hand and pulls [me]0-i into [[her]931-you apartment]323-her apartment . [I]0-i slip [my]0-i shoes off , lock the door behind [me]0-i , and then follow [her]931-you into [the living room]937-the living room , where [she]931-you takes a seat on the couch and pulls [me]0-i down with [her]931-you . [[Her]931-you apartment]323-her apartment is what [I]0-i would have expected from [her]931-you . Pristine white furniture with beige and tan tones spread throughout [the space]939-the space . [It]323-her apartment ’s clean , sharp , modern , and serene . Not one action figure decoration and not one poster . Very grown - up . A far cry from [[my]0-i place]473-my place . And [Lia]168-lia ’s for that matter . Sitting on [her]931-you knees , [she]931-you turns toward [me]0-i and says , “ [I]931-you need to talk to [you]0-i about something . ”[931-you] “ Uh , okay , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer as [I]0-i turn toward [her]931-you as well . “ Well , more like apologize . ”[0-i] “ [You]931-you apologized enough about the baking class , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ And [I]0-i had fun , oddly . ”[0-i] “ It ’s not about the baking class . It ’s about . . . ”[931-you] [She]931-you winces and then adds , “ The kiss . ”[931-you] “ Oh , uh , what about the kiss ? ”[931-you] [I]0-i ask [her]931-you . “ [I]0-i know it was awkward . ”[0-i] “ What are [you]931-you talking about ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , knowing damn well it felt a touch awkward . “ [I]0-i was nervous and clammed up when [I]0-i kissed [you]931-you . [I]0-i ’m honestly surprised [you]931-you ’re even here after that kiss . When [I]0-i got [your]931-you text , [I]0-i gasped . [I]0-i was waiting on a late - night Friday phone call telling [me]0-i [you]931-you ca n’t meet up to hike . ”[0-i] “ [Birdy]118-birdy — ”[0-i] “ [I]931-you ’m [a better kisser]2777-a better kisser than that , ”[931-you] [she]931-you says in a panic . “ Much better . [I]931-you ’m just , [God]103-god , [I]931-you ’m so nervous around [you]931-you . ”[931-you] “ Why ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i ’m very intimidating . ”[0-i] “ [You]931-you ’re not . That ’s the problem . If [you]931-you were [some alpha asshole]2778-some alpha asshole , then yeah , [I]941-i probably would n’t feel so jittery around [you]931-you , but [you]931-you ’re [a nice guy]2779-a nice guy , [a sweet one]2780-a sweet one , and [you]931-you ’re [the kind of guy who ’s hard to find , especially in [Los Angeles]6-los angeles]2781-the kind of guy who ’s hard to find , especially in los angeles . [I]941-i keep telling [myself]941-i [I]941-i ’m going to blow it , and [I]941-i truly thought [I]941-i did with that kiss . ”[941-i] “ [You]931-you need to stop overthinking things , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , even though [she]941-i ’s completely right . [I]0-i thought the same thing about the kiss . Guess [I]0-i was n’t alone on this . That ’s comforting . Maybe it was the tight - lipped thing after all . “ [I]941-i ’m sorry . [I]941-i ’m just so caught up in [my]941-i previous relationship that it ’s difficult to shake those thoughts in [my]941-i head . But [I]941-i ’ll do better . ”[941-i] “ Take [your]941-i time , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i drape [my]0-i arm over the back of [her]941-i couch . “ [I]0-i do n’t plan on going anywhere , and as it stands , [we]2782-we ’re still going on that hike on Saturday . ”[0-i] “ Good , because [I]941-i went shopping today and got the perfect outfit for it . ”[941-i] “ Oh yeah ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask with a laugh . “ Was n’t sure there was a perfect hike slash birdwatching outfit out there . ”[0-i] “ If [you]941-i look hard enough . [You]941-i can find it . ”[941-i] “ Tell [me]941-i more about this outfit . ”[941-i] “ Oh no , no sneak peeks . It will be a surprise . ”[941-i] “ Well , if it ’s not a shirt with a bird on it , [I]941-i will be incredibly disappointed . ”[941-i] All [she]941-i does is smile , and it ’s really cute . [She]941-i ’s really cute . And funny . And sweet . Pretty much everything [I]0-i would probably look for in a match . It ’s why [I]0-i need to try harder to make this work . “ So did [you]941-i go wedding planning with [Lia]168-lia today ? ”[0-i] “ Yup , checked out some flowers . ”[941-i] [She]941-i draws closer . [I]0-i can tell [she]941-i wants to be more intimate , so [I]0-i shift [my]0-i body to face [her]941-i more , and then [I]0-i draw a circle with [my]0-i finger over [her]941-i bare shoulder . There seems to be relief in [her]941-i eyes , so [I]0-i continue . “ What did [you]941-i end up choosing ? ”[0-i] “ Now , [Birdy]118-birdy , ”[0-i] [I]0-i admonish . “ What kind of [Pickle of Honor]154-pickle of honor would [I]0-i be if [I]0-i gave out the secrets of the wedding ? ”[0-i] “ [Pickle of Honor]154-pickle of honor ? This needs some explanation . ”[0-i] “ [Lia]168-lia and [I]942-i are [huge Scrabble nerds]2783-huge scrabble nerds . [We]2783-huge scrabble nerds were in a club together in college , and one night , it was just [me]942-i and [her]168-lia playing , which is usually how the club gathering ended anyway . [I]942-i was exhausted but needed to beat [her]168-lia at one more game . [I]942-i had the workings to spell pickle and accidentally spelled it wrong . And of course , [I]942-i was [a cocky son of a bitch]2784-a cocky son of a bitch back then , especially when [Scrabble]157-scrabble was involved , so [I]942-i called out [my]942-i points like [a master]2785-a master , and [she]168-lia pointed at the board , saying [I]942-i spelled it wrong . It was humiliating , and the name stuck . [I]942-i ’m [her]168-lia pickle . ”[942-i] [She]942-i chuckles . “ [You]0-i know , pickle could be thought of as something else . ”[942-i] [I]0-i pause and then shake [my]0-i head . “ Trust [me]0-i , this pickle has never gone [there]2152-there . ”[0-i] [She]942-i laughs some more . “ Well , [I]942-i love [your]942-i friendship . [I]942-i think it ’s sweet . Do [you]942-i have a lot of [close friends]2787-close friends ? Or just [Lia]168-lia ? ”[942-i] “ Well , [I]0-i used to hang out with [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers until [they]317-my brothers got married . That ’s put a real damper on [our]2789-our basketball games . [I]0-i still see [them]317-my brothers , but it ’s more of a group thing , which grants [[their]317-my brothers wives]916-their wives access to [my]0-i personal business . [They]317-my brothers can be very needy when it comes to knowing all about [my]0-i single life and how [they]317-my brothers can make [me]0-i . . . un - single . And then there ’s [[my]0-i friend]2142-my friend [Banner]155-banner , who just started working with [us]2789-our . [He]155-banner ’s pretty cool , but [he]155-banner ’s seeing [this girl]2214-this girl [Kenzie]158-kenzie , well , sort of seeing [her]2214-this girl . [I]0-i do n’t know where [they]2793-they stand . So [he]155-banner ’s occupied with that . ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod [my]0-i head slowly . “ Looks like [I]0-i ’m at that time in [my]0-i life where [everyone]2071-everyone pairs up . ”[0-i] “ [I]118-birdy know what [you]118-birdy mean , ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy says . “ When [I]118-birdy was with [[my]118-birdy ex]2795-my ex , it was as if [everyone]2071-everyone was getting married or having [kids]2797-kids . [We]2798-we did couple things together , and when [we]2798-we broke up , it was as if [no one]2095-no one had time for [me]118-birdy . ”[118-birdy] “ That ’s shitty , but [I]0-i know the feeling . ”[0-i] “ Ca n’t blame [them]2800-them , though , ”[118-birdy] [she]118-birdy says . “ [They]2800-them ’re in love after all . ”[118-birdy] “ [I]0-i guess so . [I]0-i think that ’s what has put a fire in [me]0-i to meet [someone]2072-someone . [I]0-i ’m not desperate or anything , but [I]0-i also do n’t want to be lonely . ”[0-i] “ [I]118-birdy totally get that . [I]118-birdy ’m the same way . [I]118-birdy do n’t need [someone]2072-someone to be happy , but it ’s fun to do things with [someone]2072-someone . . . [you]2804-you know , like hiking . ”[118-birdy] [She]118-birdy reaches out and plays with the fabric of [my]0-i shirt . “ And icing pussies . ”[118-birdy] [Her]118-birdy smirk is really sexy when [she]118-birdy looks up at [me]0-i . “ Exactly . Like icing pussies . ”[118-birdy] Taking a risk , [I]0-i tug on [her]118-birdy hand and say , “ Come here . ”[0-i] To [my]0-i luck , [she]118-birdy listens and straddles [my]0-i lap . [I]0-i lean against the couch cushion so [I]0-i ’m looking up at [her]118-birdy . “ How was work today ? ”[0-i] “ That ’s what [you]0-i ’re going to ask [me]0-i while [I]0-i ’m sitting on [your]0-i lap ? ”[0-i] “ Yeah , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer as [my]0-i hands fall to [her]118-birdy thighs . “ [I]0-i have all of [my]0-i everyday conversations like this . [You]0-i should see the fistfights [I]0-i get into with [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers over who gets to be the bottom and who gets to be the top . ”[0-i] [She]118-birdy lets out a sultry laugh while [she]118-birdy draws circles on [my]0-i chest this time . “ Oh , what an image that has formed in [my]118-birdy head . ”[118-birdy] “ [We]2806-we find if [we]2806-we sit on [each other]288-each other ’s laps , [we]2806-we can focus on the conversation and block out distractions . [I]118-birdy ’ve had hour - long conversations on [[JP]92-jp ’s lap where [we]2806-we ’ve brainstormed over [our]2806-we next business venture]2808-jp ’s lap where we ’ve brainstormed over our next business venture . If it was n’t for the obvious HR violation , [we]2806-we would have [everyone]2071-everyone sit on [each other]288-each other ’s laps . ”[118-birdy] “ [You]0-i know , maybe [you]0-i ’re onto something . [My]118-birdy marketing brain is thinking that [you]0-i could form some sort of device that prevents pelvis - to - pelvis contact but allows the same position . Oh , and [you]0-i can add some horse blinders to really keep out the distraction . ”[118-birdy] “ Wow , [Birdy]118-birdy . Wow . That ’s positively genius . ”[943-her] [She]943-her brushes off [her]943-her shoulder . “ Thank [you]118-birdy , but the idea goes to [you]118-birdy . [I]943-her ’m just [the dream maker]2811-the dream maker . ”[943-her] “ Is that what [you]943-her call [yourself]943-her at work ? ”[118-birdy] “ When [I]943-her strike it big with a huge idea , of course . [I]943-her quietly print out a certificate of completion with the name [dream maker]2812-dream maker on it . [I]943-her have a whole folder of them . In [my]943-her desk drawer . ”[943-her] “ A whole folder would imply that [you]943-her ’re very good at being [a dream maker]2813-a dream maker . ”[118-birdy] “ [I]943-her am . ”[943-her] [We]944-we spend the next hour or so talking about anything and everything , [her]943-her sitting on [my]0-i lap , [me]0-i holding [her]943-her thighs and not making a move at all . Not one single move . [She]943-her tells [me]0-i about how [she]943-her loves to go surfing — something [I]0-i ’ve never done in [my]0-i life — how [she]943-her is a huge fan of all types of cereal — the more sugar , the better — and how [she]943-her once had a dog with three legs and said [he]945-he was the best dog [she]943-her ever had . [I]0-i shared with [her]943-her [my]0-i desire to own every Star Wars bobblehead ever made , how [I]0-i believe the original bromance of [our]944-we time is C3PO and R2D2 — and [she]943-her proceeded to tell [me]0-i [she]943-her ’s only watched the most recent episodes and how [she]943-her does n’t get the whole Kylo and [Rey]161-rey fetish . [I]0-i nearly balked with disappointment . “ Are [you]943-her thirsty or anything ? ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy asks . “ Nah , [I]118-birdy ’m good . [I]118-birdy should probably get going , though , because [I]118-birdy ’m sure [you]943-her need to wake up early tomorrow . ”[118-birdy] [I]0-i rub [my]0-i hands over [her]943-her thighs . “ [I]0-i do happen to have a five thirty wake - up call . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , [I]943-her have a meeting with [Hux]159-hux tomorrow at [[his]159-hux place]2814-his place . ”[943-her] “ Okay , well . . . ”[943-her] [Her]943-her fingers dance along [my]0-i shirt . “ [I]943-her guess [I]943-her should walk [you]0-i to the door . ”[943-her] [She]943-her gets off [my]0-i lap and then holds out [her]943-her hand . [I]0-i take it , and [we]946-we walk over to [her]943-her front door together . [I]0-i slip on [my]0-i shoes , and when [I]0-i ’m done , [I]0-i stand tall and find [her]943-her leaning against the wall right next to the door , [her]943-her hands behind [her]943-her back . “ Thank [you]0-i for coming over . ”[943-her] “ Yeah , [I]943-her had a nice time , even though [you]0-i ’re not a fan of [the Kylo Ren]160-kylo and [Rey]161-rey love affair . ”[943-her] “ [I]943-her just ca n’t get on board , ”[943-her] [she]943-her says , holding steady . “ Sorry . Does n’t work for [me]943-her . ”[943-her] “ Such a disappointment , ”[0-i] [I]0-i teasingly reply and then take a step forward . [I]0-i hook [my]0-i finger under [her]943-her chin , close the space between [us]947-us one more time , and hover right above [her]943-her lips , waiting for [her]943-her . [She]943-her closes the rest of the distance between [us]947-us and smooths [her]943-her hand up [my]0-i chest while [her]943-her mouth opens , encouraging [mine]0-i as well . [I]0-i drop [my]0-i free hand to the wall next to [her]943-her head , propping [myself]0-i up , and deepen the kiss , letting [my]0-i tongue explore now . [Her]943-her hands float up to [my]0-i cheeks , where [she]943-her cups them . [Her]943-her tongue matches [my]0-i strokes , and for the first time in a few months , [I]0-i make out right there in the entryway of [[a girl]2056-a girl ’s apartment]949-a girl ’s apartment . [I]0-i revel in the feel of [her]943-her soft lips . [I]0-i sink into the grasp [she]943-her has on [my]0-i cheeks . And when [she]943-her gasps for a touch of air , [I]0-i commit it to memory . [I]0-i ’ve forgotten what it feels like to be intimate with [a woman]658-a woman , and this feels good . When [I]0-i pull away , [her]943-her lashes lift as [her]943-her eyes connect with [mine]0-i . [I]0-i smile down at [her]943-her and say , “ Better ? ”[0-i] “ Much . ”[943-her] [She]943-her runs [her]943-her tongue along [her]943-her lips . “ So much better . ”[943-her] “ Good . ”[0-i] [I]0-i lean down and press one more kiss to [her]943-her lips before pulling away . “ [I]0-i ’ll see [you]943-her Saturday for that hike . ”[0-i] “ Yes , Saturday , ”[943-her] [she]943-her replies as [I]0-i open the door to [[her]943-her apartment]323-her apartment and head out . “ Night , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[0-i] “ Night , [Birdy]118-birdy , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say just before [I]0-i take off down [the hall]952-the hall . * * * “ Morning , [Breaker]2551-breaker , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says as [she]96-lottie answers the door to [[her]96-lottie house]953-her house . “ How are [you]2551-breaker ? ”[96-lottie] “ Good , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ What about [yourself]2551-breaker ? ”[0-i] [She]943-her is n’t dressed for the day yet , still in a robe with [her]943-her hair up in a bun . “ Doing okay . ”[943-her] [Huxley]92-jp appears just then and loops [his]92-jp arm around [her]943-her waist . [He]92-jp presses a kiss to the side of [her]943-her head and says , “ Can [I]92-jp get [you]943-her anything ? ”[92-jp] [She]943-her shakes [her]943-her head and pats [his]92-jp hand . “ [I]943-her ’m good . ”[943-her] And then [she]943-her walks toward [the kitchen]497-the kitchen , [Huxley]92-jp ’s eyes watching [her]943-her every step . “ What does it feel like ? ”[92-jp] [I]0-i ask [him]92-jp . When [he]92-jp turns toward [me]0-i , [he]92-jp asks , “ What does what feel like ? ”[92-jp] “ To be that in love . [You]0-i ’re so protective , possessive , infatuated . [I]92-jp do n’t think [I]92-jp ’ve ever been like that with [someone]2072-someone . ”[92-jp] “ Of course [you]0-i have , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says . “ [You]0-i ’re that way with [Lia]168-lia . ”[92-jp] “ [Lia]168-lia and [I]92-jp are n’t romantically involved . ”[92-jp] “ [You]0-i might not be , but [you]0-i know how [you]0-i get when [[Brian]100-brian ’s mom]2371-brian ’s mom picks on [her]168-lia , that instinctual feeling like [you]0-i will do fucking anything to make sure [no one]2095-no one hurts [[your]0-i girl]2154-your girl ? That ’s the feeling . That deep - seated feeling that never goes away . ”[0-i] [I]0-i slowly nod [my]0-i head . “ [I]0-i get that feeling with [Lia]168-lia , but not on a romantic level , on a best friend level . ”[0-i] “ Well , when [you]0-i finally fall in love with [someone]2072-someone , that feeling [you]0-i have with [Lia]168-lia will transfer over . Why do [you]955-i ask ? ”[955-i] [He]955-i heads toward [[his]955-i office]821-his office , and [I]0-i follow [him]955-i . “ [I]955-i ’ve sort of gone out with [this girl]2214-this girl the last few days , and [she]2214-this girl ’s pretty awesome . Beautiful and smart . Great sense of humor . [We]2822-we do n’t have much in common , but [she]2214-this girl ’s sweet , quick - witted , and interesting . [I]955-i went to [[her]2214-this girl place]2823-her place last night , and [we]2822-we talked a lot , [she]2214-this girl even sat on [my]955-i lap for a while , but [I]955-i did n’t have this overwhelming need to touch [her]2214-this girl . [I]955-i kept [my]955-i hands on [her]2214-this girl legs because [I]955-i felt like that was the right thing to do , and when [I]955-i kissed [her]2214-this girl good night , [I]955-i really fucking liked it , but [I]955-i do n’t know , [I]955-i do n’t think [I]955-i felt anything with [her]2214-this girl . ”[955-i] “ Was [she]2214-this girl [a bad kisser]2824-a bad kisser ? ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp asks as [he]92-jp takes a seat at [his]92-jp desk . [I]0-i take a seat at [the one across from [him]92-jp]957-the one across from him . “ No , [a really good kisser]2825-a really good kisser actually . ”[0-i] [I]0-i heave a heavy sigh and lean forward , hands clasped . “ [I]0-i do n’t know , [man]2061-man . [I]0-i think [I]0-i ’m going through some shit , and [I]0-i do n’t know how to process it . [I]0-i think this lawsuit and the wedding are fucking with [my]0-i head . ”[0-i] “ Do [you]2061-man want to like [this girl]2214-this girl ? ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp asks . “ [I]92-jp do n’t want to be left behind . Alone . [[Everyone]2071-everyone [I]92-jp know]2829-everyone i know is either married , getting married , or in a relationship . [I]92-jp ’m just over in [[my]92-jp lonely apartment]2830-my lonely apartment playing fucking Tetris on [my]92-jp computer . ”[92-jp] “ That never bothered [you]2061-man before . [You]2061-man love [Tetris]24-tetris . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i still do , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say softly . “ Fucking love it , but [I]0-i do n’t know , it just feels like [I]0-i ’m at a point in [my]0-i life when maybe [I]0-i should have [a serious girlfriend]2831-a serious girlfriend . [I]0-i ’ve never really had one before , and that ’s sort of weird , right ? ”[0-i] “ [You]2061-man never needed one before . [You]2061-man ’ve leaned on [Lia]168-lia for female companionship , and when [you]2061-man ’ve wanted sex , [you]2061-man ’ve had [your]2061-man fun . [You]2061-man ’ve had the perfect setup for quite some time . ”[0-i] “ Wait , do [you]92-jp really think that ’s it ? That ’s why [I]0-i have n’t had [a true girlfriend]2832-a true girlfriend ? Because [I]0-i ’ve leaned on [Lia]168-lia all these years ? ”[0-i] “ Yes , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says , exhausted . “ It ’s frightening that [you]92-jp have n’t taken note of that before . It ’s so fucking obvious . ”[92-jp] “ Not to [me]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i lean back on [my]0-i chair and press [my]0-i hands into [my]0-i thighs . “ Do [you]92-jp think that ’s why [I]0-i have n’t found [someone]2072-someone ? Because [I]0-i ’ve been content with [Lia]168-lia ? ”[0-i] [Huxley]92-jp rubs [his]92-jp temple , [his]92-jp short patience showing . “ Yes , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp answers . “ That ’s exactly why , because why do [you]92-jp need [a girlfriend]2834-a girlfriend when [Lia]168-lia is all [you]92-jp ’ve ever needed ? ”[92-jp] “ [Jesus]90-jesus christ . [I]92-jp never thought of it that way . ”[92-jp] If that ’s the case , then it conversely means that [Lia]168-lia was n’t content with just [me]0-i . [I]0-i have never been what [she]168-lia needed because [she]168-lia started dating [Brian]100-brian . So even though [she]168-lia ’s worried about things changing between [us]958-us , [they]958-us already have . [She]168-lia now needs [Brian]100-brian , which means [she]168-lia does n’t need [me]0-i as much . [Man]2061-man , have [I]0-i been blind . “ Glad [I]2061-man can enlighten [you]0-i . Now , can [we]958-us get back to why [you]0-i ’re really [here]249-here ? ”[2061-man] “ [I]0-i guess so , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [my]0-i mind whirls . “ But just one second . Do [you]92-jp think [I]0-i should . . . [I]0-i do n’t know , stop hanging out with [Lia]168-lia so much ? ”[0-i] [Huxley]92-jp pinches [his]92-jp brow now . “ Why would [you]92-jp do that ? [You]92-jp ’re just going to hurt [her]168-lia feelings . ”[92-jp] “ Yeah , but [she]168-lia has [Brian]100-brian , so should n’t there be like . . . a transition of power ? ”[2061-man] “ [You]92-jp ’re not [the goddamn President of [the United States]2837-the united states]2836-the goddamn president of the united states . ”[2061-man] “ [I]0-i know that , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , exasperated . “ But with [Brian]100-brian and [Lia]168-lia getting married soon , should n’t [I]0-i back away a bit ? [Brian]100-brian already has issues with how much time [Lia]168-lia and [I]0-i spend together . Like , [I]0-i should hand [him]0-i the torch , right ? ”[0-i] “ [I]2061-man do n’t know . If [you]92-jp think [you]92-jp should , then go for it . Now can [we]2838-we talk about the lawsuit , please ? ”[2061-man] “ Sure , sorry , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say and then pause . “ It ’s just that [I]0-i saw [Birdy]118-birdy last night and the kiss was good , but [I]0-i did n’t feel a spark , and [I]0-i was n’t sure if [I]0-i should be feeling a spark or if it ’s too soon to feel a spark ? [I]0-i do n’t know , did [you]92-jp feel a spark with [Lottie]96-lottie ? ”[0-i] [Huxley]92-jp tosses [his]92-jp pen onto the desk and leans back in [his]92-jp chair . “ [You]92-jp tell [me]92-jp , do [you]92-jp think [I]92-jp felt a spark with [[my]92-jp wife]2159-my wife ? ”[92-jp] “ From what [I]2061-man ’ve observed , [I]2061-man would say yes . ”[2061-man] “ Immediately , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says . “ [I]92-jp might have thought [she]2159-my wife was annoying , frustrating , and downright irritating most of the time , but there was no doubt in [my]92-jp mind that [she]2159-my wife was the prettiest fucking thing [I]92-jp ’d ever seen , and [I]92-jp wanted [her]2159-my wife in [my]92-jp bed . ”[92-jp] “ Ah , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , nodding . “ Same [you]92-jp think with [JP]92-jp ? ”[0-i] “ [Dude]2160-dude , seriously ? Come on , [you]0-i saw [JP]92-jp when [he]92-jp met [Kelsey]113-kelsey for the first time . [The man]260-the man had heart eyes coming out of every orifice of [his]260-the man body . ”[2061-man] “ Yeah , [I]0-i know . ”[0-i] [I]0-i glance to the side . “ It ’s not like that with [Birdy]118-birdy . But [I]0-i also wonder if [I]0-i have a mental block now , and [I]0-i ’m not allowing [myself]0-i to feel for [her]118-birdy the way [I]0-i should because of the leaning on [Lia]168-lia thing . Do [you]0-i think that could be an issue ? ”[0-i] “ [I]2061-man think there ’s going to be a huge fucking issue soon if [we]2842-we do n’t stop talking about this and get down to business . ”[2061-man] “ Yeah , okay . . . sorry . ”[0-i] [I]0-i chew on [my]0-i thumbnail . “ Real quick though , what are [your]0-i thoughts on [Kylo]160-kylo and [Rey]161-rey ? Is it weird [I]0-i ’m considering dating someone who does n’t believe in the love affair as [I]0-i do ? ”[0-i] “ [Jesus fucking Christ]90-jesus christ . ”[960-lia lia] Chapter Nine [LIA Lia]960-lia lia : Password is on tonight . Am [I]0-i coming to [[your]961-you place]2284-your place , or are [you]961-you coming to [[my]0-i place]473-my place ? [I]0-i need to run to [the grocery store]964-the grocery store if [you]961-you ’re coming over here . [I]0-i do n’t have any Sour Patch Kids or Sprite . [Breaker]68-breaker : Oh , [I]0-i need to take a rain check . [I]0-i stare down at [my]0-i phone , confused . A rain check ? [I]0-i ’m pretty sure [Breaker]68-breaker has never used that term with [me]0-i . . . ever . [Lia]168-lia : A rain check ? Is this [[my]0-i Pickle]965-my pickle ? Just want to make sure [he]965-my pickle was n’t abducted or anything . [Breaker]68-breaker : Not abducted , just have plans . Oh . Plans ? With whom ? [Birdy]118-birdy ? [I]0-i mean , [I]0-i should n’t care , but it ’s Password , and [we]966-we always watch Password together . [We]966-we pause the game , and one of [us]966-we finds out the password and makes the other guess , then [we]966-we let it play out on screen . During the whole process , [we]966-we drown [ourselves]966-we in handheld calzones from [[our]966-we favorite pizzeria]967-our favorite pizzeria , suck on [Sour Patch Kids]968-sour patch kids until [our]966-we tongues are raw , and wash it all down with Sprite , which always causes [us]966-we to burp through the remainder of the night . It ’s tradition ! So why would [he]965-my pickle just . . . book other plans ? [I]0-i lift from [my]0-i desk , where [I]0-i ’ve been working on a detailed Excel sheet , and then walk over to [my]0-i bed and flop down on it . [I]0-i should just tell [him]965-my pickle to have fun and see [him]965-my pickle on Friday when [we]966-we meet with [The Beave]111-the beave , but for the life of [me]0-i , [I]0-i ca n’t let this go , so [I]0-i text [him]965-my pickle back . [Lia]168-lia : Plans , huh ? With [Birdy]118-birdy ? [I]0-i send the text and wince , hating that [I]0-i ’m so curious . [Breaker]68-breaker : [JP]92-jp and [Lottie]96-lottie actually . [We]966-we ’re going to [some bar [JP]92-jp ’s been talking about]969-some bar jp ’s been talking about . Thought about asking [Birdy]118-birdy to go , but not sure yet . That would be four times in one week that [I]0-i see [her]118-birdy . Do n’t want to look desperate . [Lia]168-lia : Four times ? That ’s more than [you]68-breaker ’ve seen [me]0-i . The disparity weighs heavily on [my]0-i already churning stomach . Four times ? That ’s . . . that ’s so much . [Breaker]68-breaker : Well , there was the double date , then the baking thing , and [I]0-i went over to [[her]118-birdy place]2823-her place last night , so if [I]0-i invited [her]118-birdy out tonight , that would be a bit much , do n’t [you]971-you think ? [I]0-i think three times is a bit much . Also . . . [he]92-jp could invite [me]0-i to go out to [the bar]972-the bar with [everyone]2071-everyone . Clearly , [I]0-i ’m not doing anything tonight . [Lia]168-lia : [You]68-breaker went [there]2152-there last night ? Did [you]68-breaker go for a reason ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Just to hang . [We]975-we talked a lot . [She]118-birdy ’s not a fan of [Kylo]160-kylo and [Rey]161-rey , which was a tough pill to swallow , but hey , [you]971-you ca n’t win [them]976-them all . [She]118-birdy did think one of the fan accounts [I]0-i showed [her]118-birdy was pretty hot . [Lia]168-lia : [She]118-birdy does n’t like [Kylo]160-kylo and [Rey]161-rey together ? [I]0-i ’m pretty sure that is terms for never talking to [her]118-birdy again . [Breaker]68-breaker : It was easy to forgive , especially since [I]0-i ’m taking [her]118-birdy on a hike on Saturday and a birdwatching tour . [Lia]168-lia : Oh , cool . The same tour [we]975-we go on ? Breaker : Yeah , it ’s the best one . [She]118-birdy seems pretty excited about it . Said [she]118-birdy got an outfit and everything . [Lia]168-lia : Does it have a bird on it ? [Breaker]68-breaker : [She]118-birdy said it was a surprise . Bet it ’s a sports bra and shorts . [She]118-birdy seems nice and all but also . . . a bit thirsty . [Lia]168-lia : Well , what am [I]0-i supposed to do about Password tonight ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Have [Brian]100-brian come over . [He]977-he should start playing with [you]168-lia anyway . [Lia]168-lia : What do [you]68-breaker mean , “ anyway ”[168-lia] ? This is [our]975-we game . [Breaker]68-breaker : Yes , but [you]168-lia ’ll be married soon . [I]0-i ca n’t keep coming over on [our]975-we set nights . This is a good change , [Lia]168-lia . [Lia]168-lia : Wait . . . did [you]68-breaker make plans on purpose ? To guide [me]0-i into some sort of transition ? [Breaker]68-breaker : [I]0-i forgot how smart [you]168-lia are . [Lia]168-lia : [Uh]978-uh , [I]0-i do n’t need [you]68-breaker transitioning [me]0-i . [I]0-i ’m [a big girl]979-a big girl , [Breaker]68-breaker . [Breaker]68-breaker : Okay , so then go be with [[your]168-lia fiancé]834-your fiancé . Talk about [your]168-lia wedding , make sure [he]834-your fiancé knows what ’s happening with [it]834-your fiancé . [Lia]168-lia : Why does it feel like [you]168-lia ’re distancing [yourself]168-lia ? [Breaker]68-breaker : [I]0-i ’m not , [Lia]168-lia . [I]0-i ’m just trying to prepare [you]168-lia . Once [you]168-lia get married , everything changes . [Lia]168-lia : [You]0-i say that as if it ’s a punishment . Breaker : It ’s not , but the fact of the matter is , [I]0-i ca n’t be there for [you]168-lia like [I]0-i am now . [I]0-i ca n’t be [[your]168-lia companion]981-your companion , and [you]168-lia ca n’t be [mine]0-i , simple as that . [Lia]168-lia : [Companion]982-companion ? Where is all of this coming from ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Nowhere , it ’s just facts . That ’s what ’s happening with [our]983-our lives — [we’re]983-our evolving , changing , and this is just the next step . Now [I]0-i have to go . See [you]68-breaker on Friday . [I]0-i stare at [my]0-i phone , reading over [our]983-our texts repeatedly , trying to figure out what ’s happening . Sure , [I]0-i ’m getting married and will soon be living with [[my]0-i husband]984-my husband , but that does n’t mean [I]0-i need to cut ties with [Breaker]68-breaker or stop interacting with [him]68-breaker . Hell , [he]68-breaker ’s seen [Birdy]118-birdy , someone [he]68-breaker barely knows , more times this week than [me]0-i . And that makes [me]0-i sad . All of this makes [me]0-i sad . And [the one person [I]0-i would talk to]985-the one person i would talk to about it just said [he]985-the one person i would talk to would see [me]0-i on Friday . Tears well in [my]0-i eyes just as a knock sounds on [my]0-i door . [I]0-i sit up from [my]0-i bed , hopeful that it ’s [Breaker]68-breaker and that [his]68-breaker texts are all just a ruse . [I]0-i quickly wipe under [my]0-i eyes , run to [the entryway]986-the entryway , and throw open the door , where [I]0-i find [Brian]100-brian on the other side , holding a bouquet of roses and wearing a large smile . “ Hello , [sweetheart]2843-sweetheart , ”[985-the one person i would talk to] [he]985-the one person i would talk to says , and [I]0-i swear light sparkles off [his]985-the one person i would talk to freshly whitened teeth . “ Thought [I]985-the one person i would talk to ’d surprise [you]2843-sweetheart with some flowers and . . .”—he[985-the one person i would talk to] picks up an overnight bag—“a sleepover . ”[985-the one person i would talk to] “ Oh , wow , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , trying to make [my]0-i voice sound excited , not disappointed . “ [I]0-i was , uh . . . [I]0-i was not expecting that . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , neither was [I.]985-the one person i would talk to ”[985-the one person i would talk to] [He]985-the one person i would talk to hands [me]0-i the flowers . Red roses , which [I]0-i despise due to how cliché and unoriginal they are . Something [I]0-i thought [Brian]100-brian knew . “ It was actually [Breaker]68-breaker ’s idea . ”[100-brian] Ah . . . what ? “ [He]68-breaker also told [me]100-brian to pick up Sour Patch Kids and [Sprite]2844-sprite , so that ’s in the bag as well . Not sure why , but [he]68-breaker said it ’s what [[you]2843-sweetheart guys]2339-you guys need while playing Password . ”[100-brian] “ [Breaker]68-breaker told [you]0-i to do all this ? ”[68-breaker] “ Well , the flowers were [my]100-brian idea , but game night was [his]68-breaker . Said since [he]68-breaker wo n’t be around as much , [I]100-brian should learn the things [you]2843-sweetheart love . ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian leans in and gives [me]0-i a kiss on the cheek . [He]987-he pushes past [me]0-i into [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment as [I]0-i stand there stunned . [Breaker]68-breaker set this up ? [He]68-breaker wants [Brian]100-brian to learn all the things [I]0-i love ? Why is [he]68-breaker doing this ? Why is [he]68-breaker trying to extract [me]0-i from [his]68-breaker life ? [I]0-i ’m sure [he]68-breaker ’s probably doing this to be nice , but it ’s hurtful . And no way am [I]0-i going to be able to enjoy this night unless [I]0-i get to the bottom of it . So taking a chance , [I]0-i say , “ Uh , [Brian]100-brian , [I]0-i need to make an important business call . [I]0-i ’m going to run over to [Breaker ’s]68-breaker so [I]0-i do n’t bother [you]100-brian . ”[0-i] “ Oh , [I]0-i can be quiet if [you]100-brian want . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ Trust [me]0-i , these walls are paper thin . [You]100-brian could hear everything . Just make [yourself]100-brian comfortable , and [I]0-i ’ll be back shortly . ”[0-i] “ Okay . Love [you]68-breaker . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile at [him]68-breaker . “ Love [you]68-breaker . ”[0-i] Phone in hand , [I]0-i slip out of [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment and go straight to [Breaker ’s]68-breaker . There is a very slim chance that [he]68-breaker ’s there , but at least [I]0-i can try , and if [he]68-breaker ’s not , [I]0-i can call [him]68-breaker from [[his]68-breaker apartment]990-his apartment . [I]0-i knock on the door gently and then give it a few moments before checking the door , it ’s unlocked . [I]0-i push through just as [Breaker]68-breaker approaches the entryway . “ [Lia]168-lia , everything okay ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shut the door behind [me]0-i and fold [my]0-i arms at [my]0-i chest . “ No , everything is not okay . ”[0-i] “ Okay . . . ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker drags out . “ Well , [I]68-breaker was just headed out — ”[68-breaker] “ Really ? [You]68-breaker ’re not going to ask [me]68-breaker what ’s wrong ? ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker have a feeling [I]68-breaker know , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker moves back toward [[his]68-breaker guest room]991-his guest room , and [I]0-i follow [him]68-breaker . It ’s [the one room the farthest away from [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment]992-the one room the farthest away from my apartment . [We]994-we ’ve fought in [here]249-here before while [Brian]100-brian was in [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment , and there ’s no doubt that ’s what [he]68-breaker ’s thinking now . [He]68-breaker takes a seat on the guest bed and says , “ What ’s going on ? ”[68-breaker] “ What ’s going on ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i say in a hushed but forceful tone . “ How about [you]68-breaker tell [me]0-i what ’s going on , because last [I]0-i checked , [you]68-breaker ’re pawning [our]994-we traditions off onto [Brian]100-brian . ”[0-i] “ [I]68-breaker ’m not pawning them off . [I]68-breaker ’m including [him]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker do n’t need [you]68-breaker to include [him]68-breaker . [I]68-breaker do [my]68-breaker own things with [Brian]100-brian . What [I]68-breaker need [you]68-breaker to do is stop pushing [me]68-breaker away . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]0-i literally saw [you]68-breaker yesterday . How is that pushing [you]68-breaker away ? ”[0-i] “ [You]68-breaker saw [me]997-me for wedding things . [You]68-breaker ’re pushing [me]997-me away from [our]2846-our normal stuff . ”[997-me] [He]997-me glances away , yet [I]0-i can see [he]997-me wants to say something . Something is on the tip of [his]997-me tongue , but [he]997-me ’s holding back . “ Just say it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i push . [He]997-me bows [his]997-me head and shakes it . “ So is this how it ’s going to be , [Breaker]2551-breaker ? [I]997-me ’m engaged to be married , and now [you]997-me wo n’t even tell [me]997-me what [you]997-me ’re thinking ? ”[997-me] “ [I]997-me ca n’t tell [you]997-me what [I]997-me ’m thinking . ”[997-me] “ Why not ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Because it ’s about [you]0-i , ”[997-me] [he]997-me whisper - shouts . [I]0-i take a step back , trying to understand why [he]997-me seems so jittery , so irritated . “ Well , if it ’s about [me]997-me , then just tell [me]997-me . Clearly , it ’s something [you]0-i need to get off [your]0-i chest . ”[997-me] “ Fine , ”[997-me] [he]997-me says , and then [his]997-me eyes meet [mine]0-i . “ [You]0-i want to talk ? [We]2848-we can talk . [We]2848-we ’ve relied on [each other]288-each other too much , and [I]997-me realized today that [I]997-me ’m not in a relationship because of [you]0-i . ”[997-me] “ Excuse [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Uh , care to explain how that ’s [my]0-i fault ? ”[0-i] “ Because [you]0-i became [my]997-me safety net . Why do [I]997-me need [a companion]2850-a companion when [I]997-me have [you]0-i to fall back on ? ”[997-me] “ So basically , because [I]997-me was being [a good friend]2851-a good friend , [you]0-i ’re mad at [me]997-me and trying to extract [me]997-me from [your]0-i life ? ”[997-me] “ No . ”[0-i] [He]998-he tugs on [his]998-he hair in frustration . “ That ’s not what [I]998-he ’m saying . ”[998-he] “ Then what exactly are [you]0-i saying , [Breaker]68-breaker ? Because it seems to [me]997-me like [you]0-i ’re having some sort of relationship crisis because [I]997-me ’m getting married , and now [you]0-i ’re desperate to find [someone]2072-someone , and [the one person [you]0-i have been seeing]2853-the one person you have been seeing is n’t exactly what [you]0-i were looking for . Therefore , [you]0-i ’re blaming [me]997-me for all of it . ”[997-me] “ Wow . ”[998-he] [He]998-he stands up now , [his]998-he height towering over [me]0-i . “ That ’s not what [I]998-he was fucking saying . Way to twist [my]998-he words . ”[998-he] [I]0-i throw [my]0-i hands up in defeat . “ Then what are [you]998-he saying ? ”[0-i] “ [We]2854-we ’re just . . . [we]2854-we ’re too close . ”[998-he] “ Too close ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod sarcastically . “ Okay , so the friendship [we]2854-we ’ve built over the last decade is too good . That ’s the problem ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i step away . “ Okay , good to know . [I]0-i ’m sorry for caring about [you]0-i so much and being a part of [your]0-i life to the point that [I]0-i ’ve actually hurt [you]0-i . ”[0-i] “ [Lia]168-lia , do n’t , ”[998-he] [he]998-he says , reaching for [me]0-i . “ No , [you]998-he do n’t , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i turn around on [him]998-he . “ That ’s really shitty , [Breaker]68-breaker , for [you]0-i to push [me]0-i away because [you]0-i think [I]0-i ’ve prevented [you]0-i from finding [someone to be with]2855-someone to be with . [I]0-i ’ve done nothing of the sort . [Your]0-i dating life is [your]0-i problem , not [mine]0-i . Maybe instead of looking at [the people who love [you]0-i and support [you]0-i to blame , try looking inward . [I]0-i ’m not the reason [you]0-i ’re not with [someone]2072-someone]2856-the people who love you and support you to blame , try looking inward . i ’m not the reason you ’re not with someone . The reason [you]0-i ’re single is because [you]0-i do n’t ever think [anyone]2080-anyone is good enough . [Your]0-i standards are so impossibly high that [no one]2095-no one will ever match them . That ’s the problem . Not [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn on [my]0-i heel , but [he]999-his catches up and tugs on [my]0-i arm . “ [Lia]168-lia , wait . ”[999-his] [I]0-i snatch [my]0-i arm away and say , “ And what ’s the big deal anyway ? Why now ? Why do [you]0-i have to find [someone]2072-someone now ? Just because [I]0-i ’m getting married , [you]0-i think [you]0-i need to get married too ? ”[0-i] “ No , ”[999-his] [he]999-his says , a furrow in [his]999-his brow . “ Then why is this a thing right now ? Why are [you]0-i making this an issue ? [I]999-his ’ve dated [other guys]2861-other guys . Yes , not many , but [I]999-his ’ve had [boyfriends]2862-boyfriends . Why is this so different ? ”[999-his] “ [I]999-his do n’t know , ”[999-his] [he]999-his says , looking distraught . Maybe an hour ago , [I]0-i would have sat [him]999-his down and talked through [his]999-his feelings with [him]999-his , but not now , not this time . [[My]0-i fiancé]371-my fiancé , who wants to spend time with [me]0-i and do something [I]0-i love , is in [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment waiting for [me]0-i . [Breaker]68-breaker is being ridiculous and thoughtless . [He]999-his can stew in [his]999-his own vomit for a while . “ Maybe that ’s something [you]999-his need to figure out . ”[0-i] [I]0-i head toward [his]999-his front door . “ [Lia]168-lia , [I]0-i ’m sorry , okay ? ”[0-i] “ No , not okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn around again . “ This is not how [we]2863-we treat [each other]288-each other . [I]0-i do n’t know what ’s going through [your]999-his head right now , what could possess [you]999-his to have these thoughts and drastic ideas of pushing [me]0-i toward [Brian]100-brian when [I]0-i do n’t need pushing , but [I]0-i will tell [you]999-his one thing . It ’s going to drive a wedge between [us]2863-we . If that ’s what [you]999-his want , then job well done . ”[0-i] [I]0-i reach the front door and say , “ And do n’t worry about Friday . It ’s just looking for a dress , so [I]0-i wo n’t need [your]999-his help with that . ”[0-i] And then [I]0-i leave [[his]999-his apartment]990-his apartment where [I]0-i pause in [the hallway]262-the hallway , in the space between [my]0-i door and [his]999-his , and [I]0-i sink down to the ground where [I]0-i quietly cry . What the hell is happening to [us]1004-us ? * * * “ Uh , [I]100-brian do n’t know . . . dishwasher ? ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian asks as [I]0-i flop back on the couch . “ How could [you]0-i possibly get dishwasher from the clue shark ? ”[100-brian] “ [I]100-brian do n’t know , ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian says , frustrated . “ This game makes no sense . ”[100-brian] “ How does it not make sense ? [You]0-i offer a clue to [[your]0-i partner]2865-your partner , and then [they]2865-your partner try to guess , simple as that . ”[100-brian] “ But [your]0-i clues are n’t helping . ”[100-brian] “ [I]100-brian gave [you]999-his three clues . Mouth , [dentist]2866-dentist , and shark . ”[100-brian] “ Yeah , great clues . How the hell do those even go together ? ”[999-his] [he]999-his asks . “ Teeth ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i shout . “ [My]0-i God , [Brian]100-brian , the password is teeth ! [You]0-i should have gotten it with [dentist]2866-dentist . ”[0-i] “ Well , this is [my]100-brian first time playing . [I]100-brian ’m sorry [I]100-brian ’m not as good as [Breaker]68-breaker . Maybe if [you]100-brian were n’t shoving all this godforsaken sugar down [my]100-brian throat , [I]100-brian would have been able to guess . ”[100-brian] “ [I]0-i was n’t comparing [you]1005-you to [Breaker]68-breaker , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say through clenched teeth . “ [You]1005-you did n’t have to . [I]0-i could see it written all over [your]1005-you face . ”[0-i] “ Great assumption , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i offer [him]1005-you a thumbs up and then stand from the couch . “ Because apparently , [you]100-brian know exactly what ’s going on in [my]0-i head , besides what [I]0-i ’m really thinking about , and what [I]0-i ’m really thinking about is freaking [TEETH]163-teeth ! God , ”[0-i] [I]0-i shout , utterly frustrated . “ [I]0-i ’m going to bed . Feel free to go [home]373-home if [you]1005-you ’d like . ”[0-i] [I]0-i leave [the living room]937-the living room and head straight for [[my]0-i bedroom]496-my bedroom and bathroom , where [I]0-i close the door . Since [I]0-i ’m already in [my]0-i pajamas , [I]0-i go to the sink and splash water on [my]0-i face . [I]0-i dry [my]0-i face and then stare into the mirror as tears fill [my]0-i eyes . [I]0-i do n’t have a moment to blot them away before [Brian]100-brian opens the bathroom door and leans against the counter . “ [I]100-brian ’m sorry , [Lia]168-lia . ”[100-brian] [I]0-i ca n’t look at [him]1008-him . [I]0-i ’ll cry . But [I]0-i ca n’t move either . [I]0-i feel paralyzed . Nothing seems to be going right . [Breaker]68-breaker is trying to remove [me]0-i from [his]68-breaker life . [Brian]100-brian is [an idiot]1009-an idiot and does n’t understand a simple clue like [dentist]2866-dentist . [I]0-i ’ve lit a veil on fire , flicked blood on [[my]0-i future mother - in - law]755-my future mother - in - law , and punched [her]755-my future mother - in - law in the boob . The wedding planning is going at lightning speed despite the accidents . [I]0-i ’m embarrassing [myself]0-i left and right . [I]0-i got in a huge fight with [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend , something [I]0-i do n’t do very often . And the worst part of it all is that [I]0-i have [no one]2095-no one to turn to . [No one]2095-no one . [I]0-i grip the counter even tighter as [my]0-i body sways , the pressure [I]0-i ’ve been carrying mounting on [my]0-i shoulders as [my]0-i breathing picks up . “ Hey , are [you]0-i okay ? ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian asks as [he]1015-he steps up closer . “ N - No , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter right before [my]0-i legs give out on [me]0-i . [Brian]100-brian quickly scoops [me]0-i up , [my]0-i name a frightened plea as [he]1015-he carries [me]0-i to the bed . “ Jesus , what ’s going on ? ”[1015-he] [he]1015-he asks as [he]1015-he brushes [his]1015-he hand over [my]0-i forehead . “ [You]0-i ’re pale . [Lia]168-lia , what ’s happening ? Do [you]0-i want [me]1015-he to call for help ? ”[1015-he] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head as [my]0-i lip trembles , and tears fall down the side of [my]0-i head . “ No . Just . . . just let [me]0-i get some sleep . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i think [I]1015-he ’m going to leave [you]0-i like this ? [You]0-i almost hit [your]0-i head on the counter . There ’s no way [I]1015-he ’m leaving . ”[1015-he] [He]1015-he sits right next to [me]0-i and places [his]1015-he hand on [my]0-i stomach . “ Talk to [me]1015-he , [Lia]168-lia . What ’s going on ? ”[1015-he] “ [I]0-i just . . . ”[0-i] [My]0-i lips tremble some more . “ [I]0-i ’m just freaking out , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , not wanting to tell [him]1015-he the truth . Things are already weird between [Brian]100-brian and [Breaker]68-breaker — that much is evident after the display in [the living room]937-the living room — [I]0-i do n’t need to make [Brian]100-brian mad at [Breaker]68-breaker for putting [me]0-i in this mental state . “ Freaking out about the wedding ? ”[100-brian] “ About . . . [us]2869-we , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , which is partially true . “ What about [us]2869-we ? ”[1015-he] [he]1015-he asks . “ [We]2869-we ca n’t play Password . [We]2869-we ’re getting married , [Brian]100-brian . [We]2869-we should be able to play Password . And . . . and the wedding planning is a nightmare . [I]1015-he ’ve set things on fire and bloodied [people]2122-people and swatted [[your]0-i mother]2244-your mother ’s breast , and [we]2869-we ca n’t seem to agree on much . And [you]0-i do n’t care about the plans , which is fine . [I]1015-he know [you]0-i ’re busy , but . . . it does n’t seem like [we]2869-we ’re on the same wavelength . ”[1015-he] “ [We]2869-we are , ”[1015-he] [he]1015-he says . “ That ’s just a stupid game , which proves nothing . What [we]2869-we do in [our]2869-we everyday life , [our]2869-we thoughts , and [our]2869-we morals , that ’s what matters . And [we]2869-we are on the same wavelength there . Right ? ”[1015-he] “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say quietly , even if [he]1015-he does n’t get it . Maybe it ’s from watching [[my]0-i parents]2089-my parents as [I]0-i grew up , but [I]0-i just feel there needs to be a deeper connection . [I]0-i want [him]1015-he to be able to guess what [I]0-i ’m going to say next . [I]0-i want [him]1015-he to be able to understand [me]0-i without even having to talk , and [I]0-i do n’t think [we]1018-we have that . “ But . . . do [you]1015-he know everything about [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Of course [I]1015-he do , ”[1015-he] [he]1015-he says . “ And what [I]1019-i do n’t know , [I]1019-i ’ll spend the rest of [our]1018-we lives finding out . Getting married to [someone]2072-someone does n’t mean [you]2873-you know a list of facts about [[your]2873-you partner]2865-your partner like some reality trivia game . [I]1019-i ’m marrying [you]2873-you because [you]2873-you make [me]1019-i happy , because [I]1019-i ca n’t imagine a day when [I]1019-i do n’t think about [you]2873-you in [my]1019-i life , and because [I]1019-i love [you]2873-you , [Lia]168-lia . [I]1019-i ’m not marrying [you]2873-you because [I]1019-i happen to know what [you]2873-you like to order from [the sandwich shop around the corner]2875-the sandwich shop around the corner or because [you]2873-you can telepathically answer a stupid Password question . Those are all menial things when it comes to getting married . It does n’t matter . ”[1019-i] [He]1019-i moves [his]1019-i hand to [my]0-i heart . “ This matters . [Our]1020-our love matters . ”[1019-i] [I]0-i hear the words [he]1019-i ’s saying . [I]0-i ’m nodding as [I]0-i listen . And when [he]1019-i curls into [me]0-i , spooning [me]0-i from behind so [we]1020-our both can get some sleep , [I]0-i go along with it because [I]0-i ca n’t do anything else to stop the sensation of feeling empty inside . * * * “ [Lia]168-lia , hey , ”[0-i] [I]0-i hear a voice say just as [I]0-i enter [Morning Perk]164-morning perk for a quick coffee before heading to [the dress shop]1021-the dress shop . [I]0-i turn to the right just in time to catch [Birdy]118-birdy approaching . Great , just what [I]0-i need . Ever since [my]0-i fight with [Breaker]68-breaker , [I]0-i have n’t felt like [myself]0-i . [I]0-i ’ve been going through the motions of work , talking with [Brian]100-brian , even answering some emails from [The Beave]111-the beave , and just saying yes to whatever asinine plan [she]118-birdy presents . At this point , [I]0-i do n’t care . [I]0-i have n’t heard from [Breaker]68-breaker since the fight , which in [our]1022-our world feels like decades . [I]0-i ’m sad . Depressed . [I]0-i miss [[my]0-i parents]2089-my parents . [God]103-god , [I]0-i wish [[my]0-i mom]2233-my mom was here . [I]0-i wish [I]0-i could ask [her]2233-my mom if [Brian]100-brian is right . If it took years for [Dad]165-dad to understand all [her]2233-my mom idiosyncrasies . If what [Breaker]68-breaker and [I]0-i have took years and is only good because [we]1022-our ’ve had a decade together , and that [I]0-i need to be confident that things will eventually click with [Brian]100-brian . “ Those are all menial things when it comes to getting married . It does n’t matter . [Our]1022-our love matters . ”[165-dad] Is [he]165-dad right ? [I.]0-i Do n’t . Know . [[My]0-i mom]2233-my mom would know . [I]0-i really wish [I]0-i could crawl into a hole and not deal with any of this . [I]0-i just feel so . . . fragile , and that ’s never a word [I]0-i ’ve associated with [myself]0-i . But right now ? [Birdy]118-birdy . “ Hey , [Birdy]118-birdy , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , trying to tack on a smile . “ Oh wow , [your]0-i hair looks so shiny , ”[2233-my mom] [she]2233-my mom says while touching the ends . “ It ’s beautiful . ”[2233-my mom] “ Oh , thanks . [I]118-birdy went to [the salon around the corner]2876-the salon around the corner and got it blown out . [I]118-birdy ’m trying on dresses today , and [[my]118-birdy soon - to - be mother - in - law]2877-my soon - to - be mother - in - law told [me]118-birdy to make sure [my]118-birdy hair resembled what [I]118-birdy wanted on [my]118-birdy wedding day . ”[118-birdy] “ Beautiful , ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy says , and [I]0-i ca n’t tell if [she]118-birdy ’s genuine or not . “ Is [your]0-i color natural ? ”[0-i] “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [[My]0-i dad]2768-my dad descended from [a long line of [redheads]2880-redheads]2879-a long line of redheads . ”[0-i] “ [I]2233-my mom ’m jealous . ”[2233-my mom] [She]2233-my mom smiles brightly , and God , [she]2233-my mom really is just perfect , is n’t [she]2233-my mom ? Great smile , bright blue eyes , and a perfect body . No wonder [Breaker]68-breaker has been hanging out with [her]2233-my mom a lot . “ So [you]0-i headed over to [the dress shop]1021-the dress shop now ? ”[68-breaker] “ Yes , [I]2233-my mom ’m just going to grab some coffee first because [I]2233-my mom ’ll need some caffeine to get through this shopping trip . ”[2233-my mom] Confused , [Birdy]118-birdy asks , “ Should n’t shopping for a wedding dress be fun ? ”[118-birdy] It should be when [you]1026-you ’re not fighting with [[your]1026-you best friend]2234-your best friend . “ [[My]0-i future mother - in - law]755-my future mother - in - law can be difficult . ”[0-i] [I]0-i leave it at that . “ Well , [she]755-my future mother - in - law should n’t have a say in it , but that ’s just [my]1028-i opinion . Anyway , [I]1028-i wo n’t keep [you]1026-you from [your]1026-you appointment . [I]1028-i just wanted to say hi and thank [you]1026-you and [Brian]100-brian for setting [me]1028-i up with [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[1028-i] [She]1028-i clutches [her]1028-i hands at [her]1028-i chest . “ [He]68-breaker ’s amazing . [I]1028-i do n’t know how [he]68-breaker ’s still single , but [I]1028-i lucked out , because [he]68-breaker ’s everything [I]1028-i could ask for in [a man]2121-a man . ”[1028-i] [She]1028-i leans forward and elbows [me]0-i as if [we]1029-we ’re close comrades . News flash : [we]1029-we are not . “ And [quite the kisser]2884-quite the kisser . Oh [my]1028-i God . ”[1028-i] Things [I]0-i do n’t need to hear right now . “ Well , [I]0-i ’m glad to hear it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say with a big smile that is as fake as fake can be . “ Okay , have fun . [I]0-i ’m going to meet up with [Breaker]68-breaker right now . ”[0-i] [She]1028-i twiddles [her]1028-i fingers at [me]0-i as [my]0-i heart sinks down to the floor . “ Yeah , bye , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i turn toward the line , [my]0-i breath picking up . [He]1030-he ’s meeting up with [her]1028-i right now ? [I]0-i know [I]0-i told [him]1030-he not to bother showing up for the dress shopping , but [he]1030-he really is n’t going to be [there]2152-there ? [No one]2095-no one is going to be [there]2152-there besides [The Beave]111-the beave . Is that what [my]0-i life has come to ? [I]0-i do n’t have [any other friends]1034-any other friends ? [I]0-i do n’t have any other support ? All [I]0-i have is [Brian]100-brian and [[his]1030-he mother]442-his mother ? Once again , tears well in [my]0-i eyes , but [I]0-i do n’t let [them]1036-them fall , not [here]249-here , not in [the coffee shop]1038-the coffee shop . [I]0-i make quick work of ordering [myself]0-i a coffee , and thankfully , [they]1036-them ’re quick to deliver . With coffee in hand , [I]0-i decide to walk to [the bridal shop]1039-the bridal shop , which is a few blocks down . No need to drive . As [I]0-i head down [the street]333-the street , [I]0-i clutch [my]0-i coffee close to [my]0-i chest and let out a deep breath . [Mom]166-mom was supposed to be [here]249-here today , and [she]166-mom ’s not . [I]0-i ’ve isolated [myself]0-i so much after [their]1042-their deaths that [I]0-i ’ve slowly lost any other friendships [I]0-i had besides [Breaker]68-breaker because [he]68-breaker was the one who held [me]0-i when [I]0-i cried . [He]68-breaker distracted [me]0-i when [I]0-i was feeling sad . [He]68-breaker kept [me]0-i moving forward . And now that [we]1043-we ’re not talking and in a weird place , [I]0-i ’ve never felt more alone in [my]0-i entire life . When [I]0-i reach [the bridal shop]1039-the bridal shop , [I]0-i hold [my]0-i breath , waiting to see any sign of [Breaker]68-breaker , but as [I]0-i draw closer , all [I]0-i can see through the windows is [The Beave]111-the beave , pulling dresses for [me]0-i to try on . For a moment , the thought of running away crosses [my]0-i mind . Taking off and just . . . leaving . Fleeing , getting away from all of this , but as the thought comes , it quickly washes away because that will do nothing to solve the problem . It will only trigger it more . So with a cup of coffee in hand , a fake smile on [my]0-i face , [I]0-i walk through the doors of [the bridal shop]1039-the bridal shop . “ Ah , there [she]111-the beave is , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave says when [she]111-the beave spots [me]0-i . “ [[My]111-the beave dear]2885-my dear , look at [your]0-i hair . ”[111-the beave] Here come the insults . “ It ’s so lovely . ”[111-the beave] [She]111-the beave walks up to [me]0-i and strokes the long strands . “ [I]111-the beave would prefer [you]0-i have an updo for the wedding , but this is quite appealing . ”[111-the beave] [Color]167-color [me]0-i shocked . Was not expecting that , and even though it was nice to avoid any snark , scowl , or insult from [[my]0-i future mother - in - law]755-my future mother - in - law , it does nothing to curb [my]0-i morose mood . “ Thank [you]111-the beave , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say and then glance around [the empty bridal shop]1047-the empty bridal shop . “ Are [we]2886-we [the only ones here]2887-the only ones here ? ”[0-i] “ Oh , [I]1048-i blocked off [the shop]797-the shop for [us]2886-we so [we]2886-we wo n’t be disturbed by [any other people searching for a dress]2889-any other people searching for a dress . [I]1048-i thought having [the shop]797-the shop to [ourselves]2886-we could ensure [we]2886-we stay focused on what [we]2886-we ’re looking for . ”[1048-i] [We]1048-i . . . funny how [she]755-my future mother - in - law uses that term about [my]0-i dress . “ [We]2886-we do have at least three to find , ”[755-my future mother - in - law] [she]755-my future mother - in - law adds . Oh , [I]0-i forgot about that . “ Yes , a lot of shopping to do , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i look around one more time , just in case [Breaker]68-breaker is here and [I]0-i missed [him]68-breaker . “ Now , where is [Breaker]68-breaker so [we]2886-we can get started ? ”[755-my future mother - in - law] [she]755-my future mother - in - law asks . Well , that confirms it . [He]68-breaker ’s not [here]249-here . Another dose of anxiety and depression rips through [me]0-i . “ Oh , uh , something came up , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [He]68-breaker wo n’t be able to make it . ”[0-i] The lie feels so lifeless coming out of [me]0-i , [I]0-i barely believe it [myself]0-i , but it seems to appease [The Beave]111-the beave because [she]755-my future mother - in - law snaps [her]755-my future mother - in - law stupid fingers and says , “ Well then , let ’s get started . [We]2886-we ’ll be trying on ceremony dresses first . [I]755-my future mother - in - law had [them]1051-the shop assistants pull classic silhouettes as well as elegant off - the - shoulder pieces . ”[755-my future mother - in - law] “ Great , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , going with the motions . “ Right this way , [Miss Fairweather - Fern]145-miss fairweather - fern , ”[1050-one of the shop assistants] [one of [the shop assistants]1051-the shop assistants]1050-one of the shop assistants says . “ Please just call [me]1050-one of the shop assistants [Lia]168-lia . If [you]0-i need to add a miss in there , [Miss Lia]168-lia is just fine . Using [my]1050-one of the shop assistants whole name is a mouthful . ”[1050-one of the shop assistants] [The attendant]1052-the attendant smiles at [me]0-i and then leads [me]0-i back to [a very large dressing room where a few dresses have been hung , waiting to be tried on]1053-a very large dressing room where a few dresses have been hung , waiting to be tried on . Three very grotesque , ballgown - shaped dresses , three slender silhouette dresses — that look more like nightgowns than anything — and two mermaid - style dresses that look like they have absolutely no give . “ Here is a robe for [you]0-i , ”[747-the assistant] [the assistant]747-the assistant says . “ Why do n’t [you]0-i get changed out of [your]0-i clothes and dressed in the robe , and [an attendant]2891-an attendant will come in and assist [you]0-i ? ”[747-the assistant] “ Great . Thank [you]747-the assistant . ”[747-the assistant] When the door closes , [I]0-i set [my]0-i coffee and purse down on the provided table and then slip out of [my]0-i shirt and pants . [I]0-i ’m not one to be naked in front of [strangers]1055-strangers , so [I]0-i wore a pair of boy short underwear that covers up a lot — [I’m]0-i sure [The Beave]111-the beave would be horrified — and [my]0-i least revealing strapless bra . [I]0-i slip on the light pink silk robe , cinch it at the waist , and then [I]0-i sit down in the chair and stare at the dresses . [I]0-i hate them . All of them . Too many embellishments . Too slinky . Too poofy . Not enough space in the dress to walk . [They]1056-they ’re nothing [I]0-i would pick for [myself]0-i . [I]0-i always thought [I]0-i ’d wear something simple with maybe a touch of lace , not these full , fabric - filled dresses that need [a crane operator]1057-a crane operator to get it on . What is supposed to be a fun , once - in - a - lifetime moment has quickly turned into a sad , bleak day that [I]0-i ’m sure will live forever in [my]0-i mind as a dark memory , right along with the moment [I]0-i found out [[my]0-i parents]2089-my parents passed away . [I]0-i rest [my]0-i head against the wall behind [me]0-i and bring [my]0-i coffee to [my]0-i lips . [I]0-i just want this to be over . [I]0-i want it all to be over . The planning . The wedding . The pain . [I]0-i want to be transported back to a time when everything is okay with [Breaker]68-breaker , and [I]0-i ’m not so alone , but surrounded by [loved ones]1059-loved ones . [I]0-i want [him]68-breaker at [my]0-i side , telling jokes , making [me]0-i laugh , and letting [me]0-i know that no matter what , [he]68-breaker ’ll always be there for [me]0-i . But [he]68-breaker ’s not . Not today . Tears well in [my]0-i eyes , and [I]0-i quickly blink them back . No , do n’t cry . Please do n’t cry . Not here , not now . Not in front of [[Brian]100-brian ’s mom]2371-brian ’s mom . Knock . Knock . Fuck . [I]0-i blink the tears back some more and quickly dab at them . Maybe [I]0-i can pass the watery eyes off as excitement for the dresses . With a heavy heart , [I]0-i call out , “ [I]0-i ’m ready . ”[0-i] The door opens , and [I]0-i expect [the assistant]747-the assistant to walk through , but instead , [Breaker]68-breaker steps in , absolutely stealing every ounce of oxygen from [my]0-i lungs . [His]68-breaker eyes connect with [mine]0-i as [he]68-breaker gently shuts the door behind [him]68-breaker . [My]0-i heart races at the sight of [him]68-breaker . [My]0-i emotions get the best of [me]0-i . And before [I]0-i can stop [myself]0-i , [I]0-i let out a sob and then clutch [my]0-i hand over [my]0-i eyes as [I]0-i cry . “ Shhhh , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker kneels in front of [me]0-i and presses [his]68-breaker hand to [my]0-i cheek . [I]0-i slink down to the floor with [him]68-breaker , and [I]0-i wrap [my]0-i hands around [his]68-breaker waist , sinking into [his]68-breaker chest and [his]68-breaker comforting embrace . “ [I]0-i thought . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i say through tears . “ [I]68-breaker thought [you]68-breaker . . . [you]68-breaker were n’t coming . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker strokes [my]0-i hair and holds [me]0-i tightly . “ [I]68-breaker would never miss this , [Lia]168-lia . ”[68-breaker] “ But . . . [we]2892-we have n’t . . . talked . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pull away to look [him]68-breaker in the eyes . [He]68-breaker swipes at [my]0-i tears with [his]68-breaker thumbs . “ [I]68-breaker thought [we]2892-we needed a second to gather [ourselves]2892-we . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker strokes [my]0-i cheek . “ [I]68-breaker did n’t handle things right with [you]0-i , and [I]68-breaker thought that if [I]68-breaker gave [us]2892-we a second , [I]68-breaker could express what [I]68-breaker ’ve been feeling rather than blaming [you]0-i for [my]68-breaker problems . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]0-i do n’t want to talk about it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [I]0-i just want to hold [you]0-i . ”[0-i] [He]68-breaker cups the back of [my]0-i head as [I]0-i go in for another hug , clinging to [him]68-breaker desperately . “ [I]68-breaker ca n’t lose [you]68-breaker , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i ’re not losing [me]0-i , [Lia]168-lia . Never . [I]0-i would never let that fucking happen . ”[0-i] “ Promise ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , insecurity so heavy in [my]0-i voice that [I]0-i can taste it . “ [I]68-breaker promise [you]0-i , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says with sincerity . [I]0-i sniff and say , “ [I]0-i ran into [Birdy]118-birdy at [the coffeehouse]2893-the coffeehouse , and [she]118-birdy said [she]118-birdy was meeting up with [you]68-breaker . [I]0-i thought . . . [I]0-i thought [you]68-breaker ditched [me]0-i for [her]118-birdy . ”[0-i] “ Never , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says softly while stroking [my]0-i hair . “ [I]68-breaker had to give [her]118-birdy some binoculars to practice with for [our]2894-our hike tomorrow . ”[68-breaker] “ Really ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i lift to look [him]68-breaker in the eyes . “ Yes , really . This is an important day , [Lia]168-lia , of course , [I]0-i would be here for it . ”[0-i] “ Thank [you]68-breaker , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say softly as another wave of tears hits [me]0-i . [He]68-breaker stands from the floor and grabs a box of tissues , only to sit back down with [me]0-i . This time , [he]68-breaker leans against [my]0-i chair and pulls [me]0-i to [his]68-breaker side . [I]0-i wipe at [my]0-i nose , and [we]1062-we just sit there in silence . [He]68-breaker ’s here . With [me]0-i . The thought rocks [me]0-i , and once again , [I]0-i tear up . “ What ’s going on in that head of yours ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks . “ Just grateful [you]0-i ’re here . More grateful than [you]0-i probably know . ”[68-breaker] “ No matter what happens between [us]1062-we , [Lia]168-lia , [I]0-i will always be there for [you]168-lia . Always . Okay ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod , and [he]68-breaker presses a kiss to the top of [my]0-i head before saying , “ As much as [I]68-breaker just want to sit here with [you]168-lia , [I]68-breaker have to get back out there . [The Beave]111-the beave is already pissed at [me]68-breaker because [I]68-breaker showed up late , and [I]68-breaker do n’t want to make [her]111-the beave madder . ”[68-breaker] “ Do n’t leave , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say in a panic . “ Help [me]0-i into these dresses . ”[0-i] “ Uh , do n’t [you]68-breaker want [an attendant]2891-an attendant to do that ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ [I]0-i ’m so freaking raw right now , [Breaker]68-breaker . [I]0-i can barely breathe . [I]0-i need [you]68-breaker in here , with [me]0-i , by [my]0-i side . Please stay . . . ”[0-i] Chapter Ten BREAKER Those pleading green eyes . The tears falling over [her]1063-her cheeks . The desperation in [her]1063-her expression . [I]0-i feel useless . [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i ’ve ever seen [Lia]168-lia like this . Ever . Which could only mean one thing — [she]168-lia ’s not in a good headspace at all , and no way am [I]0-i going to leave [her]168-lia to [herself]168-lia . “ Of course , [I]0-i can stay , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i stand and pull [her]168-lia up with [me]0-i . Knock . Knock . “ [Miss Lia]168-lia , ”[1052-the attendant] [the attendant]1052-the attendant says . “ Are [you]168-lia ready to try on some dresses ? ”[1052-the attendant] [Lia]168-lia looks up at [me]0-i with a terrified expression , so [I]0-i go to the door and part it open . “ Actually , [I]0-i ’m going to help [her]168-lia into [her]168-lia dresses , if [you]168-lia do n’t mind . Can [you]168-lia pull a few simple gowns with some of that lace detail on them ? Especially the one that is upfront on the mannequin . ”[0-i] “ Yes , of course , [Mr. Cane]136-mr. cane . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shut the door and turn back to [Lia]168-lia . “ If [I]168-lia ’m going to wiggle [you]168-lia in and out of these things , then [we]2896-we ’re going to put [you]168-lia in dresses that are actually [your]168-lia style . None of this poofy , embellished bullshit . [I]168-lia ’m [no expert]2897-no expert , but these are atrocious . ”[168-lia] That makes [her]168-lia smile , but it ’s not the full kind of smile [I]0-i ’m used to . It ’s a blip . [A blip]1065-a blip will have to do . “ They ’re not great , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says , walking up to [them]1066-them . [She]168-lia picks up one of the silky ones and says , “ This is the same fabric as the robe [I]168-lia ’m wearing . [People]2122-people would be able to see every lump and bump on [my]168-lia body . ”[168-lia] “ Well , for one , [you]168-lia do n’t have lumps and bumps besides the two on [your]168-lia chest , and secondly , [I]168-lia ’m not sure those are the kind of dresses [you]168-lia wear undergarments with . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia cringes . “ [I]168-lia need undergarments . [I]168-lia ’m not one to show nipple to [a crowd of people]2899-a crowd of people . ”[168-lia] “ [Only a select few]2900-only a select few ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i joke around . “ Obviously , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says before leaning against the wall of [the dressing room]1067-the dressing room . “ What are [you]0-i doing ? ”[168-lia] [we]1068-we hear [The Beave]111-the beave ask [the attendant]1052-the attendant . “ Why are [you]0-i taking in more dresses ? [We]1068-we have n’t even seen [her]168-lia try on the first ones . ”[111-the beave] [Lia]168-lia ’s eyes plead with [me]0-i , so [I]0-i excuse [myself]0-i from [the dressing room]1067-the dressing room and walk up to [The Beave]111-the beave , who ’s sitting in a chair with an untouched glass of champagne in [her]168-lia hand . “ [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver , could [I]0-i possibly have a word with [you]168-lia ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , keeping [my]0-i tone neutral . “ Well , of course , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says as [she]168-lia stands , and together , [we]1068-we walk off to the side , out of earshot . If anything , [this woman]810-this woman likes to uphold appearances . [She]810-this woman does n’t want [anyone]2080-anyone to hear a conversation [they]2080-anyone should n’t . “ What on earth is happening in [that dressing room]2901-that dressing room ? ”[810-this woman] “ The dresses that were chosen are beautiful , but they ’re not quite [Lia]168-lia ’s style . ”[0-i] [I]0-i lower [my]0-i voice some more and say , “ [She]168-lia ’s very upset right now , and [I]0-i do n’t want to cause a scene , so [I]0-i thought [we]1068-we could try on some dresses that suit [her]168-lia more . ”[0-i] “ Upset ? For what reason ? This should be fun . ”[810-this woman] “ [I]111-the beave agree . That ’s why [we]1068-we should n’t dictate what [she]168-lia wears and be happy for what [she]168-lia thinks looks beautiful on [her]168-lia . ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave ’s eyes narrow . “ Are [you]0-i saying that [I]111-the beave ’m trying to be too controlling ? ”[111-the beave] Whatever gave [you]1073-you that idea ? Insert giant eye roll . “ Not at all , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply with a smile . “ [I]0-i know [you]1074-her ’re trying to be helpful , but [I]0-i say let ’s give [Lia]168-lia a moment to pick , and then if [she]168-lia ca n’t find anything [she]168-lia likes , [we]2902-we offer suggestions . Does that work ? ”[0-i] “ [I]1074-her suppose . ”[1074-her] “ Great . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hold [my]0-i arm out to [her]1074-her , and [she]1074-her slips [her]1074-her hand against [my]0-i forearm so [I]0-i can escort [her]1074-her back to [her]1074-her seat . “ [I]1074-her apologize for being late , by the way . [I]1074-her had a meeting that held [me]1074-her up . ”[1074-her] “ [You]0-i are [a busy man]2903-a busy man . How is the lawsuit ? ”[1074-her] “ Still confidential but should be brushed away soon . [Huxley]92-jp has it all under control . ”[1074-her] “ [I]0-i would assume [he]92-jp does . ”[0-i] [I]0-i help [her]1074-her take a seat and then ask , “ Do [you]1074-her need [me]0-i to get [you]1074-her anything , or are [you]1074-her good right now ? ”[0-i] “ Quite well , thank [you]0-i . ”[1074-her] “ Okay , then [I]0-i ’m going to go help [Lia]168-lia . [We]2904-we ’ll be right out . ”[0-i] [I]0-i go back to [the dressing room]1067-the dressing room , knock , and then enter , only to find [Lia]168-lia standing in the middle of [the room]250-the room , wearing an off - the - shoulder cream lace dress that accentuates [her]168-lia waist and gently flows to the ground . Holy . Fucking . Shit . [My]0-i mouth goes dry as [my]0-i eyes slowly work their way up [her]168-lia torso , to [her]168-lia neckline , and then to [her]168-lia face and . . . something hits [me]0-i . Something so strong , so foreign that [I]0-i do n’t know how to categorize it . Like this overwhelming sense of . . . breathlessness . For a moment , [my]0-i heart actually stopped beating , and the world stopped spinning , and everything was on pause as [she]168-lia came into view . “ What do [you]0-i think ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks as [the attendant]1052-the attendant exits [the dressing room]1067-the dressing room , leaving [me]0-i alone with [Lia]168-lia . What feels like a million butterflies take flight in [my]0-i stomach as [I]0-i attempt to put words to what ’s going on in [my]0-i head . “ Is it bad ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks as [she]168-lia turns toward the mirror to look at [herself]168-lia , revealing a low cut , showing off [her]168-lia slender back . [My]0-i eyes drag down to where the fabric hits just above the curve of [her]168-lia ass . “ [I]168-lia think it ’s kind of whimsical , but do [you]0-i think it ’s too much ? It was the one that called out to [me]168-lia the most . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia turns back around again , and [her]168-lia stunning eyes plead with [me]0-i to say something . “ [You]0-i hate it . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . Holy fuck do [I]0-i NOT hate it . There ’s nothing to hate about it . It ’s . . . [Jesus Christ]90-jesus christ . . . [she]168-lia ’s . . . [she]168-lia ’s fucking gorgeous . Swallowing hard , [I]0-i say , “ No , [I]0-i do n’t hate it . [You]0-i look . . . fuck , [you]0-i look stunning , [Ophelia]70-ophelia . ”[0-i] [My]0-i words sound ragged , untamed , and unpolished , like something is stuck in [my]0-i throat , and [I]0-i ca n’t quite get it out . The prettiest fucking smile [I]0-i ’ve ever seen crosses [her]168-lia lips as [she]168-lia says , “ Really ? ”[168-lia] [I]0-i grip the back of [my]0-i neck as [I]0-i give [her]168-lia another once - over . “ Yeah , [you]168-lia look — ”[0-i] [I]0-i swallow hard . Just . . . fuck . [She]168-lia looks so good , so fucking gorgeous that [my]0-i mouth keeps watering , [my]0-i heart is beating a mile a minute , and [I]0-i want to just . . . reach out and touch [her]168-lia . “ Wow , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ Just . . . really fucking beautiful . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i ’re blushing , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says . [I]0-i can feel the heat in [my]0-i cheeks . “ Yeah , [I]168-lia just , uh , was n’t expecting to walk in here and see [you]168-lia in a dress . ”[168-lia] Or to lose [my]0-i breath . Or to feel this urge to . . . fuck [me]0-i , to kiss [her]168-lia . That ’s what it is . That ’s what this heavy , foggy feeling is in [my]0-i chest . The butterflies . The unintelligible thoughts in [my]0-i head . The desire pulsing up [my]0-i legs . The thought of kissing [her]168-lia consumes [me]0-i , and [I]0-i ’ve never had that thought before , not since the first night [I]0-i met [her]168-lia . It ’s like those ten years have rushed back in a fury , like a snapshot of time unfolding in a blink of an eye , taking [me]0-i all the way back to the moment [I]0-i ran into [her]168-lia in [the hallway]262-the hallway . Where [I]0-i first saw those perfectly placed freckles of [hers]168-lia and the confusion in [her]168-lia expression . Where [her]168-lia eyes fixated on [me]0-i for the first time through [her]168-lia purple - rimmed glasses . When the uneasy yet confident side of [her]168-lia personality shone bright . [I]0-i thought [she]168-lia was so fucking beautiful . So funny . So charming . So real . And then [I]0-i found out how smart [she]168-lia was , how [she]168-lia had all the same likes and interests as [I]0-i did . Throughout that night as [we]1080-we played Scrabble , [I]0-i kept thinking [I]0-i was going to ask [her]168-lia out when all was said and done , but then . . . [she]168-lia asked to be [friends]2146-friends . [She]168-lia needed to find [a friend]2434-a friend . Instead of acting on [my]0-i initial reaction , [I]0-i pushed it away , only for it to perform a full - frontal attack on [me]0-i when [I]0-i was least expecting it . Right now . In this fucking moment . [She]168-lia turns back toward the mirror , and [I]0-i catch [her]168-lia gaze finding [mine]0-i in the reflection . “ Should [I]168-lia show [her]168-lia ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks , [her]168-lia voice laced with insecurity . “ [I]168-lia do n’t want [her]168-lia to hate it . ”[168-lia] “ [I]0-i do n’t care what [she]168-lia says . [We]2905-we ’re getting that dress , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , [my]0-i voice coming out more breathless than [I]0-i want it to . “ But it ’s the first one . Is n’t that a bad sign ? Should n’t [I]0-i try on more ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ No , sometimes , [you]168-lia just know . ”[0-i] [I]0-i wet [my]0-i lips . “ And this dress , [Lia]168-lia , this one is for [you]0-i . ”[0-i] [She]168-lia shyly smiles and then turns around again and walks up to [me]0-i . [I]0-i watch [her]168-lia every step , [my]0-i body stiffening with every inch [she]168-lia nears . And as [she]168-lia presses [her]168-lia hand to [my]0-i chest , [my]0-i stomach bottoms out , and [my]0-i legs tremble beneath [me]0-i . “ Thank [you]0-i for being here , [Breaker]68-breaker . [I]168-lia do n’t think [you]0-i will ever know how much this means to [me]168-lia . ”[168-lia] “ No , uh , problem , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , swallowing again . [She]168-lia stands on [her]168-lia toes and presses the lightest of kisses to [my]0-i cheek . Even though it means nothing other than friendship to [Lia]168-lia , to [me]0-i , it feels like [she]168-lia just branded [me]0-i and marked [me]0-i as [hers]168-lia for eternity . And then , without another word , [she]168-lia opens the door and shows The Beave [her]168-lia dress , leaving [me]0-i in a state of upheaval . What the fuck just happened ? * * * Breaker : Hey , do [you]0-i think [you]0-i could meet [me]0-i for a cup of coffee in like ten minutes or sooner or whenever ? [I]0-i just need to talk , and [I]0-i do n’t want to talk to [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers because [they]317-my brothers ’re going to give [me]0-i shit . [I]0-i need [someone]2072-someone neutral . [Banner]155-banner : Color [me]0-i intrigued . Want to come over to [[my]0-i place]473-my place ? Just in case [you]0-i need privacy ? [Breaker]68-breaker : That would be perfect . [I]0-i ’m driving over now . Hands on the steering wheel , [I]0-i keep [my]0-i eyes on [the road]1086-the road as [I]0-i work [my]0-i way across [town]2235-town to [[Banner]155-banner ’s apartment]1088-banner ’s apartment , which is just ten minutes away from where [I]0-i live . [I]0-i met [Banner]155-banner through [Ryot Bisley]169-ryot , [[his]155-banner brother]1089-his brother . [Ryot]169-ryot and [Banner]155-banner both came up with this great idea called [The Jock Report]27-the jock report — [a social media conglomerate for everything sports where [the athletes]1091-the athletes]1090-a social media conglomerate for everything sports where the athletes get to talk to [[their]1091-the athletes fans]1092-their fans one - on - one . When [Ryot]169-ryot told [JP]92-jp and [Huxley]92-jp about the idea , [they]1093-they immediately wanted to invest because [they]1093-they knew it was going to be huge . And it has been . [Ryot]169-ryot and [Banner]155-banner , who were living in [Chicago]28-chicago at the time — [Ryot]169-ryot is [a retired third baseman from the Chicago Bobbies]1094-a retired third baseman from the chicago bobbies — moved out here to [California]18-california , where [they]1093-they opened [an office]1095-an office and have quickly taken [the sports world]1096-the sports world by storm . [I]0-i got to know [Banner]155-banner on a more personal level and realized [we]1097-we ’re pretty similar . Although [he]155-banner is a bit of [a player]2411-a player , whereas [I]0-i , apparently , have n’t needed to play around . But [we]1097-we do both like computers and have built [our]1097-we own . [We]1097-we also determined that [[our]1097-we brothers]1099-our brothers like to gang up on [us]1097-we whenever [they]1099-our brothers get the chance , so [we]1097-we ’ve formed [a younger - brother alliance]1100-a younger - brother alliance . Talking to [him]155-banner about what ’s on [my]0-i mind will be perfect because [he]155-banner knows what the wrath of [an older brother]1101-an older brother can do to [you]1102-you . [I]0-i turn right onto [[his]155-banner street]1103-his street and then see an open parking spot right in front of [[his]155-banner apartment building]1104-his apartment building . Must be [my]0-i lucky day — if that ’s what [you]1102-you want to call it . Once parked , [I]0-i hop out of [[my]0-i car]1105-my car , lock up , and head straight to [[his]155-banner apartment]990-his apartment . [I]0-i hate showing up empty - handed , but when it ’s last minute , there ’s not much [I]0-i can do about that . When [I]0-i reach [[his]155-banner apartment]990-his apartment , [I]0-i give it a knock , and [I]0-i hear [him]155-banner call out , “ It ’s open . ”[155-banner] Pushing through [his]155-banner front door , [I]0-i spot [him]155-banner in [the kitchen]497-the kitchen with two bottles of beer in hand . “ Sounded like a beer kind of moment , am [I]155-banner right ? ”[155-banner] “ Really fucking right , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . [He]155-banner nods toward [[his]155-banner balcony]1109-his balcony . “ Let ’s sit outside . ”[155-banner] [Banner]155-banner has [a really nice place]1110-a really nice place . [It]1110-a really nice place consumes [the entire top floor of [[his]155-banner building]844-his building]1111-the entire top floor of his building with floor - to - ceiling windows , a massive open floor plan — more space than [one person]463-one person needs — and a large wraparound balcony . [It]1110-a really nice place ’s probably [the type of apartment [I]0-i ’d live in]1114-the type of apartment i ’d live in if [I]0-i was n’t living next to [Lia]168-lia . [I]0-i follow [him]155-banner out to [the balcony]2231-the balcony , through [his]155-banner black - framed pocket sliding glass door , and then sit at [his]155-banner outdoor dining set under a black and white striped umbrella . “ [I]0-i know [I]0-i ’ve only been [here]249-here twice , but [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i ’ll ever get over [[your]155-banner place]2284-your place , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Yeah , [I]0-i feel pretty lucky . Although [Ryot]169-ryot keeps trying to get [me]0-i to move out to [Malibu]12-malibu with [him]169-ryot and [Myla]2908-myla . Not ready for that yet . [I]0-i love [the beach]2909-the beach , but out there , it almost feels like [I]0-i ’m settling down , and [I]0-i ’m not at that point in [my]0-i life just yet . ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle . “ Forgive [me]1116-i if [I]1116-i ’m wrong , but are n’t [you]1116-i seeing [someone]2072-someone ? ”[1116-i] [He]1116-i drags [his]1116-i hand over [his]1116-i face in pain . “ Do n’t get [me]1116-i started on that . This gathering is about [you]0-i , not [me]1116-i . ”[1116-i] “ [We]2911-we can save some time at the end to dig deep into [your]0-i non - relationship . ”[1116-i] “ Ehh , that ’s okay . [I]1116-i think [I]1116-i ’m good . ”[1116-i] [He]1116-i takes a sip of [his]1116-i beer and says , “ So what ’s going on ? [Your]0-i text read desperate need of help , and if anything , [I]1116-i like a good story , so tell [me]1116-i . ”[1116-i] [I]0-i take a sip of [my]0-i beer as well — actually more like a gulp — and say , “ [You]1116-i know [Lia]168-lia is getting married , right ? ”[0-i] “ Yeah , and [you]1116-i ’re [the man of honor]2912-the man of honor , right ? ”[1116-i] “ Right . ”[0-i] [I]0-i look out toward [the skyline]1117-the skyline , unsure how to do this . “ Hell , [I]0-i do n’t think what [I]0-i ’m going to say will make a lot of sense . It will sound like a bunch of rambling , but [I]0-i do n’t know how to talk about this without rambling . ”[0-i] “ Good thing [you]1116-i came to [me]1116-i . [I]1116-i ’m good at deciphering rambling . Lay it on [me]1116-i . ”[1116-i] “ Well , to begin with , [I]0-i was shocked when [Lia]168-lia told [me]0-i [she]168-lia was engaged . [She]168-lia and [Brian]100-brian , [they]2913-they , [I]0-i do n’t know , have a different relationship . [I]0-i feel like when [you]2914-you ’re dating [someone]2072-someone , [you]2914-you ’re all in , right ? Like , [you]2914-you want to spend as much time with [them]2072-someone as possible . ”[0-i] [Banner]155-banner nods in agreement . “ Yeah , [I]155-banner know that feeling . ”[155-banner] “ Well , [they]2913-they are n’t like that . [They]2913-they can go a few nights without seeing [each other]288-each other , and [I]1116-i always thought that was weird , so when [she]168-lia said [he]155-banner proposed , and [she]168-lia said yes , [I]1116-i was truly shocked . ”[1116-i] “ Yeah , [I]1116-i would be too . ”[1116-i] “ And then [she]168-lia told [me]155-banner [they]2913-they ’re getting married in five weeks , well , more like four weeks now . And [I]155-banner do n’t know , this sense of panic consumed [me]155-banner . [I]155-banner could n’t quite place it other than [I]155-banner was afraid to lose [her]168-lia . ”[155-banner] “ That ’s natural since [[you]2913-they guys]2339-you guys are so close . ”[1116-i] [Banner]155-banner takes a sip of [his]155-banner beer . “ Right , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , gesturing [my]0-i hand toward [him]155-banner . “ That ’s what [I]0-i thought too . [We]2339-you guys are so close that [I]0-i ’m worried about losing that friendship . And [I]0-i do n’t get along with [her]168-lia fiancé as much as [I]0-i probably should , so [I]0-i made an effort to reach out to [him]155-banner and solve that issue because [I]0-i did n’t want anything weird between [us]2339-you guys , anything that [he]155-banner could use against [me]0-i so [she]168-lia does n’t hang out as much . ”[0-i] “ Very smart . ”[0-i] “ But then [he]155-banner ended up setting [me]155-banner up with [this girl]2214-this girl , [Birdy]118-birdy . On a double date . ”[155-banner] [Banner]155-banner winces . “ That smells like a whole bunch of awkward . ”[155-banner] “ It was . Very awkward , but [Birdy]118-birdy turned out to be really cool and funny , and [we]2339-you guys ’ve hung out a few times since . ”[0-i] “ Okay , any chemistry there ? ”[0-i] “ That ’s the problem . ”[155-banner] [I]0-i lean back in [my]0-i chair and take a sip of [my]0-i beer . “ [I]0-i ’ve kissed [her]168-lia twice now , and although the thought of being intimate with [someone]2072-someone was appealing , each time [I]0-i kissed [her]168-lia , it was n’t exactly what [I]0-i was expecting . It just felt normal . Like [every other woman [I]0-i ’ve ever kissed]2920-every other woman i ’ve ever kissed , and [I]0-i do n’t know , [I]0-i feel like there should be a feeling that ’s more than normal , right ? ”[0-i] “ If [you]0-i want to get down to it , yeah . When [you]0-i kiss [someone]2072-someone , someone [you]0-i think [you]0-i could date or be with , there should be a spark . Especially that first kiss . The first kiss tells [you]0-i everything [you]0-i need to know . ”[155-banner] “ There was n’t any spark . Not even a blip . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh heavily . “ And then . . . today . ”[0-i] “ Now [we]2922-we ’re getting to the good stuff , ”[155-banner] [Banner]155-banner jokes . [I]0-i do n’t mind because [he]155-banner ’s keeping it really light , which [I]0-i appreciate . “ [Lia]168-lia and [I]155-banner got in a fight two nights ago , and today was wedding dress shopping day . [She]168-lia told [me]155-banner not to come because of the fight , and there was no way [I]155-banner ’d let [her]168-lia do that alone , so [I]155-banner showed up , and the relief on [her]168-lia face was something [I]155-banner was n’t expecting . And [she]168-lia clung to [me]155-banner like [I]155-banner was [her]168-lia lifesaver . ”[155-banner] “ Uh - huh . . . ”[155-banner] [Banner]155-banner drags out . [I]0-i press [my]0-i lips together and finally say , “ Well , when [I]0-i saw [her]168-lia in [her]168-lia dress . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ [Dude]2160-dude , [I]0-i swear to [God]103-god it was an out - of - body experience . [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i ’ve ever felt anything like it . [My]0-i mouth went dry , [I]0-i started to sweat , but [I]0-i was cold at the same time . [I]0-i could n’t breathe , but [my]0-i heart was beating so hard that [I]0-i thought [my]0-i chest would explode . And then . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i look away . “ When [she]168-lia made eye contact with [me]0-i , it was like a million butterflies took flight in [my]0-i stomach , and [I]0-i swear to [you]2160-dude , at that moment , [I]0-i had this overwhelming need to kiss [her]168-lia . Like , it was pulling [me]0-i to the point that [I]0-i almost did it . [I]0-i ’ve never felt that way , ever , besides the first day [I]0-i ever met [her]168-lia , and now , well , [I]0-i ’m totally fucked in the head , and [I]0-i do n’t know what ’s going on . ”[0-i] [Banner]155-banner slowly nods [his]155-banner head , taking it all in . [He]155-banner sips [his]155-banner beer and then sets the glass bottle on the table . “ [I]155-banner ’ll tell [you]0-i what ’s going on . ”[155-banner] [He]155-banner looks [me]0-i in the eyes . “ [You]0-i ’re in love with [[your]0-i best friend]2234-your best friend , and [you]0-i just finally realized it . ”[155-banner] “ Come on , [dude]2160-dude , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , groaning . “ That ’s what [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers would have said . ”[0-i] “ Because [they]317-my brothers ’re right , and [I]155-banner know [you]0-i do n’t want to hear it , but why do [you]0-i feel like [you]0-i do n’t have a spark when [you]0-i kiss [other women]2927-other women ? It ’s because deep down , [you]0-i know [they]2927-other women ’re not [Lia]168-lia . These weird out - of - body feelings [you]0-i ’re having are because [the woman [you]0-i love]2928-the woman you love is getting married in four weeks , and [you]0-i ’re panicking about it . ”[155-banner] “ But . . . ”[1118-his] “ No buts , [man]2061-man . Face the facts , [you]0-i love [her]2928-the woman you love , and the sooner [you]0-i admit that to [yourself]0-i , the better . ”[0-i] [I]0-i drag [my]0-i hand over [my]0-i forehead , [his]1118-his words stabbing [me]0-i in the stomach , in the chest , racking up [my]0-i anxiety . Is [he]1118-his right ? Do [I]0-i love [her]1119-her , and [I]0-i ’m just realizing it now ? [My]0-i mind conjures up the image of [her]1119-her in [her]1119-her dress and how [I]0-i felt , how [I]0-i wanted to be [the man who kissed [her]1119-her in it]1120-the man who kissed her in it , how [I]0-i could n’t take [my]0-i eyes off [her]1119-her , how [I]0-i felt absolutely sick knowing that dress was n’t meant for [me]0-i but for [Brian]100-brian instead . “ [Jesus fucking Christ]90-jesus christ , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i look up at [Banner]155-banner . “ Fuck , [I]0-i think [I]0-i like [her]1119-her . ”[0-i] [Banner]155-banner shakes [his]155-banner head . “ Nah , [man]2061-man . [You]2061-man love [her]1119-her . End of discussion . ”[155-banner] * * * [I]0-i pace [[my]0-i living room]1121-my living room , [Banner]155-banner ’s words on replay in [my]0-i head . [I]0-i try to tell [myself]0-i [he]155-banner ’s not right . That it ’s conjecture that seems like it could be spot on , but really is n’t . That maybe [I]0-i ’m just reading all these feelings wrong . But every time [I]0-i hear [her]1122-her move around in [[her]1122-her apartment]323-her apartment , [my]0-i skin breaks out into a clammy sweat , because [I]0-i ’m pretty sure . . . [Banner]155-banner is right . After [I]0-i left [[his]155-banner place]2814-his place , [I]0-i came back to [mine]1125-mine , where [I]0-i opened another beer , and [I]0-i ’ve walked circles around [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment . Never stopping , just pacing , trying to get a grip on these feelings , trying to convince [myself]0-i that [Banner]155-banner is wrong , that [I]0-i ’m wrong , that all of this is fucking wrong . Panic . Nausea . Worry . It ’s swirling around , making [me]0-i feel crazy . Making [me]0-i uncomfortable . Making [me]0-i think things [I]0-i should n’t be thinking like . . . What if [I]0-i had kissed [her]1127-her in [the dressing room]1067-the dressing room ? What would [she]1127-her have done ? What if [I]0-i marched over to [[her]1127-her apartment]323-her apartment right now and told [her]1127-her how [I]0-i ’m feeling ? What if [I]0-i pathetically asked [her]1127-her to reconsider the wedding ? Knock . Knock . Oh fuck . That has to be [her]1127-her . [No one else]729-no one else visits [me]0-i . Unsure of what to do , [I]0-i clench [my]0-i sweaty palms and say , “ Uh , yeah ? ”[0-i] “ [Breaker]68-breaker ? It ’s [me]1127-her . Open up . ”[1127-her] “ Oh , uh . . . [Lia]168-lia , is that [you]168-lia ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i even roll [my]0-i eyes at [myself]0-i . “ Yes , [Breaker]68-breaker . What are [you]168-lia doing ? Open up . ”[0-i] “ Ha , sorry , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call out , even though [I]0-i do n’t move . “ Um , just give [me]0-i a second . ”[0-i] [I]0-i spin around in a circle , trying to figure out what to do as if something can be done . Nothing , [you]1131-you dipshit , nothing can be done . It ’s not like [you]1131-you can take a washcloth and soap to [your]1131-you feelings and scrub them away quickly . Does n’t work like that . Face the facts . This is going to be awkward for [you]1131-you . Reluctantly and with heavy steps , [I]0-i head over to the door , open it , and then lean on the edge , attempting to look like the epitome of [a casual man NOT in love with [[his]1132-a casual man not in love with his best friend best friend]1133-his best friend]1132-a casual man not in love with his best friend . “ Hey there , uh , how are [you]168-lia ? Doing good ? Wow , the heat today , am [I]1133-his best friend right ? ”[1133-his best friend] [Her]1133-his best friend brow curls up in question . “ Why are [you]168-lia being weird ? ”[1133-his best friend] “ [I]1133-his best friend ’m not being weird , [I]1133-his best friend ’m just . . . uh , striking up a conversation . Am [I]1133-his best friend not allowed to talk about the weather with [[my]1133-his best friend best friend]2156-my best friend ? Anyway , is there anything [I]1133-his best friend can help [you]0-i with ? ”[1133-his best friend] With a skeptical look on [her]1133-his best friend face , [she]1133-his best friend says , “ Can [I]1133-his best friend stay [here]249-here tonight ? ”[1133-his best friend] “ Uhhhh , what now ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , blinking a few times . “ [Brian]100-brian left for [San Jose]29-san jose tonight for an emergency meeting with [one of [[his]2933-one of his clients clients]393-his clients]2933-one of his clients , and [he]2933-one of his clients wo n’t be [home]373-home until Sunday . [I]1133-his best friend ’m just , [I]1133-his best friend ’m not feeling super great , and [I]1133-his best friend do n’t want to be alone . ”[1133-his best friend] “ Ah , [I]0-i see . ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod slowly . “ So can [I]0-i stay the night ? ”[0-i] Ha . Spend the night here with [me]0-i ? That seems like an absolute disaster waiting to happen . [I]0-i ’m barely hanging on by a thread , and the cure to all of that is a temptation [I]0-i ca n’t consume . What could [I]0-i possibly say that would communicate [I]0-i ’m pretty sure [I]0-i love [you]1134-her and therefore [you]1134-her ca n’t be [here]249-here ? There ’s nothing . Absolutely nothing . So . . . “ Of course , ”[0-i] [I]0-i squeak out . “ Yeah , [you]1134-her know , because [you]1134-her ’ve done that before . [You]1134-her ’ve stayed the night , so that should n’t be weird . ”[0-i] [Her]1134-her brows narrow even more . “ Why are [you]1134-her all fidgety and sweating on [your]1134-her upper lip ? ”[1134-her] “ Sweating ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i wipe [my]0-i mouth . “ That ’s not sweat . Probably just leftover residue from [my]0-i drink . ”[0-i] [She]1134-her eyes [me]0-i suspiciously . “ [You]0-i ’re acting weird , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[1134-her] “ [You]1134-her know , [I]0-i had a beer . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pat [my]0-i stomach . “ Might have been an off - brand beer , probably is n’t settling well . Maybe [I]0-i should just let [you]1134-her get to sleep . [The guest room]2936-the guest room is made up . ”[0-i] [I]0-i move to the side so [she]1134-her can enter [the apartment]809-the apartment . “ Go ahead , make [yourself]1134-her at [home]373-home . ”[0-i] “ [I]1134-her do n’t want to go to bed yet . It ’s only eight . ”[1134-her] Feels like freaking eleven at night after the day [I]0-i ’ve had . “ Huh , well , guess that might be a touch early . ”[0-i] [I]0-i let out a long whistle . “ [I]0-i guess [we]2938-we could hang out . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , [I]1134-her was hoping [we]2938-we could . ”[1134-her] [She]1134-her clutches [her]1134-her arms around [her]1134-her waist , and [I]0-i realize [she]1134-her ’s sad . And if [I]0-i ’m sure of anything , it ’s that [I]0-i care about [Lia]168-lia more than anything , more than [anyone]2080-anyone , so [my]0-i instincts kick in . “ Everything okay ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , putting aside that [I]0-i have feelings for [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend , and now [I]0-i do n’t know how to act around [her]1134-her . “ No . ”[1134-her] [Her]1134-her eyes brim with tears . “ [I]1134-her ’m not okay at all . ”[1134-her] Shit . Time to set aside [my]0-i feelings and focus on [her]1134-her . [I]0-i pull [her]1134-her into [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment and shut the door behind [her]1134-her before bringing [her]1134-her over to the couch and taking a seat . “ What ’s going on ? ”[0-i] “ [I]1134-her ’m sad . ”[1134-her] [She]1134-her swipes at [her]1134-her nose . “ Today was surreal , a moment [I]1134-her thought [I]1134-her would share with [[my]1134-her mom]2233-my mom one day , and the fact that [she]2233-my mom was n’t [there]2152-there , it ’s just killing [me]1134-her , [Breaker]68-breaker . [I]1134-her keep wondering , would [she]2233-my mom have liked the dress [I]1134-her picked out ? Would [she]2233-my mom have cried ? Would [she]2233-my mom have taken a picture with [me]1134-her celebrating the moment ? ”[1134-her] “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say flatly . “ Yes , to all of those things . ”[0-i] “ [I]1134-her love that dress , ”[1134-her] [she]1134-her says . “ But a part of [me]1134-her just feels empty about everything , and [I]1134-her wish [I]1134-her could be happy about getting married , but [I]1134-her have [my]1134-her doubts , [I]1134-her have [my]1134-her worries . ”[1134-her] “ About [Brian]100-brian ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]1134-her do n’t know , ”[1134-her] [she]1134-her answers quietly . “ [I]1134-her love [him]2941-he , but [I]1134-her feel like [my]1134-her entire life has been strained ever since [he]2941-he proposed . [I]1134-her do n’t feel right , not like [myself]1134-her . [I]1134-her feel trapped in this little box of what ’s expected of [me]1134-her , and now , [I]1134-her think [I]1134-her ’m starting to lose [my]1134-her mind over it . ”[1134-her] [Her]1134-her eyes meet [mine]0-i , and [she]1134-her says , “ When [we]2942-we were fighting , [I]1134-her had [no one]2095-no one to turn to . Not [a parent]2944-a parent , not [a friend]2434-a friend , and [I]1134-her did n’t want to tell [Brian]100-brian because [he]2941-he probably would have used it as fodder as to why [I]1134-her should n’t hang out with [you]0-i , despite [him]2941-he saying [he]2941-he ’s okay with [our]2942-we relationship . ”[1134-her] [She]1134-her glances down at [her]1134-her hands . “ [I]1134-her ’m starting to realize how much [I]1134-her lost when [[my]1134-her parents]2089-my parents died . ”[1134-her] [Her]1134-her eyes well up again , and [she]1134-her leans back on the couch , crying . [I]0-i do n’t know what to say , because [I]0-i agree with [her]1134-her — [she]1134-her lost so much when [she]1134-her lost [[her]1134-her parents]522-her parents . [I]0-i think [she]1134-her settled with [Brian]100-brian because [he]1141-he was there at the right time , but how the hell am [I]0-i supposed to say that to [her]1134-her ? [She]1134-her ’s already going through a rough time , and clearly , [my]0-i motives have been skewed ever since [my]0-i realization this morning , so instead of saying something , [I]0-i say nothing and just listen to [her]1134-her cry while [I]0-i hold [her]1134-her hand . After what feels like an hour , [she]1134-her turns toward [me]0-i and says , “ [I]1134-her just want to go to bed . ”[1134-her] “ Okay . ”[1134-her] [I]0-i stand and pull [her]1134-her up with [me]0-i . “ Let [me]0-i get [you]1134-her situated in [the guest room]2936-the guest room . ”[0-i] [She]1134-her shakes [her]1134-her head . “ No , [I]1134-her do n’t want to be alone . Can [I]1134-her sleep with [you]0-i ? ”[1134-her] That would be a hard no . Very hard no . No way can [I]0-i let [the woman [I]0-i love]1142-the woman i love sleep in [my]0-i bed while [she]1142-the woman i love belongs to [another man]1143-another man . Nope , that ’s asking for trouble . “ Uh , do n’t [you]1134-her think that might be a little inappropriate ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask gently , trying not to rock the boat on the emotions . “ [We]1144-we ’ve done it before . Why would it be any different now ? ”[1134-her] [she]1134-her asks . Very valid point . Because [we]1144-we have done it before , so . . . what ’s changed ? Well , [you]1145-you love [her]1134-her , that ’s changed , and [you]1145-you ’re still trying to sort through those untimely feelings . [She]1134-her ’s engaged , that ’s what is different . That ’s a sound excuse . And will save [me]0-i from utter embarrassment and the possible agony of sleeping in the same bed with [her]1134-her . Yup , let ’s go with the engaged thing . “ Well , [you]0-i ’re engaged now . ”[1134-her] The moment the words slip out of [my]0-i mouth , [I]0-i watch [her]1134-her shoulders droop , and [her]1134-her lashes flutter down in disappointment . It ’s like a fucking knife to the heart , twisting and gutting [me]0-i as [I]0-i watch [her]1134-her slowly turtle in on [herself]1134-her . Yup , [you]0-i did that , [you]0-i ass . “ But , ”[0-i] [I]0-i find [myself]0-i saying like [a dipshit]1146-a dipshit , “ if that does n’t bother [you]1134-her , then sure . ”[0-i] [Her]1134-her eyes float up to [mine]0-i . “ It does n’t . ”[1134-her] [I]0-i plaster on the fakest smile [I]0-i can muster . “ Okay , well , great . Let [me]0-i just lock up and get ready . [You]1134-her know where [your]1134-her toothbrush is . ”[0-i] Yup , [we]1147-we ’ve done this enough that [she]1134-her has a toothbrush here . It started back in college when [she]1134-her ’d sleep on the futon in [[my]0-i dorm]325-my dorm , and [I]0-i ’d sleep on [my]0-i bed . [We]1147-we ’d spend countless hours talking until one of [us]1147-we passed out . When [we]1147-we graduated and [our]1147-we beds got bigger , [we]1147-we ’d just share a bed and fall asleep facing [each other]288-each other . The next morning , [we]1147-we ’d order donuts , drink coffee , and play dominoes . But this feels different . [My]0-i body feels itchy with [her]1134-her around . [My]0-i mind feels like mush , like [I]0-i ca n’t conjure up the right thing to say . So this should be fun . * thumbs up * [I]0-i pour out the rest of [my]0-i beer and lock up [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment . Then [I]0-i wait a few seconds in [the living room]937-the living room , mentally preparing [myself]0-i . Sure , it ’s the same bed , but it ’s not like [we]1147-we ’ll be touching . It ’s not like [I]0-i ’ll be sharing a pillow with [her]1134-her . There will be at least two feet of neutral zone between [us]1147-we , and if [I]0-i ’m good at anything , it ’s respecting [the neutral zone]1152-the neutral zone . [I]0-i ’m [a gentleman]2300-a gentleman , after all . With a touch more confidence , [I]0-i make [my]0-i way to [the bedroom]1154-the bedroom , where [I]0-i find [Lia]168-lia sitting on the edge of the bed , wearing one of [my]0-i T - shirts . Fucking . . . great . The sleeves swallow up [her]168-lia shoulders while the shirt extends to [her]168-lia mid - thigh , covering enough , but making [me]0-i sweat from the mere thought that [her]168-lia naked body is under that fabric . [My]0-i fabric . “ [I]0-i borrowed a shirt . [I]0-i hope that ’s okay . ”[0-i] “ Yup , ”[0-i] [I]0-i squeak and then clear [my]0-i throat . “ Sorry , do n’t know why that came out like that . ”[0-i] [I]0-i awkwardly chuckle , and then in a deep voice , [I]0-i say , “ Yup , all good . ”[0-i] When [she]168-lia just lightly smiles , [I]0-i point [my]0-i thumb toward [the bathroom]621-the bathroom . “ Just going to get ready , and then [we]2948-we can do all the sleeping because [I]0-i love sleep . It is truly the natural medicine [we]2948-we all need in life . ”[0-i] “ Are [you]0-i okay ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks with an inquisitive look . “ Great . Real great . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i fist - pump the air . “ Sleepover . [Huzzah]75-huzzah . ”[0-i] [Huzzah]75-huzzah ? Jesus Christ , [Breaker]68-breaker . Why do n’t [you]68-breaker just go stick [your]68-breaker head in a microwave after that ? [I]0-i slap [my]0-i hands together . “ So yeah . Brushing teeth now . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn on [my]0-i heel , head into [the bathroom]621-the bathroom , and shut the door . [I]0-i grip the counter , glance up into the mirror to see how truly pathetic [I]0-i am , and that ’s when [I]0-i spot [her]168-lia pink lace bra hanging on one of the hooks behind [me]0-i . Oh hell . [My]0-i muscles contract , creating a tangled , claustrophobic sensation to squeeze [me]0-i so hard that all air escapes [my]0-i lungs . Panic . It pierces through [me]0-i because yeah , that ’s [her]168-lia fucking bra . [Her]168-lia bra that ’s probably warm from wearing it all day . [Her]168-lia bra that cups and props [her]168-lia tits up . [Her]168-lia bra that makes [me]0-i wonder just how fucking good [she]168-lia probably looks in it . Clearing [my]0-i throat , [I]0-i say , “ Uh , [Lia]168-lia , [you]168-lia left [your]168-lia bra hanging in here . ”[0-i] “ [I]168-lia know . [I]168-lia did n’t want to fold it , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia calls out . “ Okay , but why is n’t it on ? ”[168-lia] [I]0-i ask stupidly . [I]0-i know why it ’s not on . Who wants to wear a fucking bra to bed ? Not [me]0-i . [I]0-i hear [her]168-lia step up to the door and then open it . [She]168-lia pokes [her]168-lia head in and says , “ [I]168-lia never wear a bra to bed . Breaker , [I]168-lia ’ve hung [my]168-lia bra [there]2152-there before . ”[168-lia] Ehhh , has [she]168-lia , though ? [I]0-i think [I]0-i would have noticed , especially with the cup size banging a hole in [my]0-i brain , that [she]168-lia has big tits . [She]168-lia has big tits . “ Are [you]0-i sure [you]0-i ’re okay ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks , [her]168-lia hand falling to [my]0-i chest . “ Whoa , hey there , watch out , heh , heh . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i let out a breathy laugh . “ Hands to [ourselves]2950-ourselves , let ’s remember that . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks , [her]168-lia face drenched in confusion . “ Um . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i swallow hard . “ [You]168-lia just startled [me]168-lia because [your]168-lia hand was cold . ”[168-lia] “ [You]168-lia ’re wearing a shirt . ”[0-i] [I]0-i glance down at [my]0-i chest . “ Oh yeah , well , the fabric must be thin . Brrr , maybe go warm up those frigid paws of yours , do n’t want to catch a cold . ”[0-i] “ It ’s the middle of summer . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia takes a step back . “ If [you]0-i do n’t want [me]168-lia to stay over because [you]0-i have something else going on , then just tell [me]168-lia , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[168-lia] “ No , [I]0-i have nothing else going on . ”[0-i] What are [you]0-i doing , [[you]0-i moron]1157-you moron ? That was [your]0-i out ! “ Okay , well , then [I]168-lia ’ll just let [you]0-i get ready for bed . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia moves back toward [the bedroom]1154-the bedroom , and [I]0-i shut the bathroom door behind [her]168-lia . Jesus Christ . Get it together , [man]2061-man . [You]0-i ’re better than this . [You]0-i ’re smoother than this . [You]0-i ’re Breaker fucking Cane . Stop acting like [a total nitwit , strap on a goddamn pair]1160-a total nitwit , strap on a goddamn pair , and be [the best friend this woman]1161-the best friend this woman needs . And for fuck ’s sake , stop embarrassing [yourself]0-i . [I]0-i take the next few minutes to go to [the bathroom]621-the bathroom , brush [my]0-i teeth , and create a mental wall that is completely impenetrable . Mark [my]0-i words , when [I]0-i slip into that bed , there will be no — and [I]0-i mean NO — romantic thoughts of [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend . Platonic . That ’s what [we]1164-we ’re going for . All the platonic - ness [one]2457-one can muster . Is that even a word ? Does n’t matter . That ’s what ’s happening . Because if anything , [I]0-i ’m [a Cane]1166-a cane , and [Canes]170-canes are born with the crafty ability to hold strong , to not buckle , and to rely on [their]170-canes mental fortitude to get [them]170-canes through any situation . There . Pep talk complete . [I]0-i exit [the bathroom]621-the bathroom , turn off the light , and head over to the bed where [Lia]168-lia is already resting under the covers , [her]168-lia beautiful , silky hair fanned out against the dark of [my]0-i pillowcase like a fucking . . . NO ! No thoughts of any fanning hair and how it ’s a beautiful contrast against the navy pillowcase . No goddamn poetic sonnets based around how the moonlight looks on [her]168-lia Irish alabaster skin . Nothing . Focus , [Cane]68-breaker . [I]0-i move toward [my]0-i side of the bed and ask , “ Uh , [you]168-lia comfortable ? ”[0-i] “ Always . [I]168-lia love [your]0-i bed , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says as [she]168-lia snuggles in even closer . “ Good , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer as [I]0-i slip under the covers and turn off the light , letting the moon illuminate the space through the sheer gray curtains hanging over the window . [I]0-i turn toward [her]168-lia in bed , where [she]168-lia scoots closer , [her]168-lia knee knocking with mine . Watch it , [lady]1168-lady . Distance , maintain distance . “ [You]0-i ’re really jittery tonight , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says . “ Is it something [I]168-lia said or did ? ”[168-lia] Yes , [you]1169-you just exist . That ’s the problem . “ No , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer as [I]0-i stare into [her]168-lia beautiful eyes . “ Maybe [I]0-i ’m just restless , [you]168-lia know , with not having a job at the moment . ”[0-i] “ Are [you]168-lia sure ? Because [you]168-lia ’ve been weird ever since [we]2951-we left [the dress shop]1021-the dress shop . ”[168-lia] Because [I]0-i could n’t stop thinking how goddamn beautiful [you]168-lia are . Wait , is that putting up a wall ? No , it ’s not . Then again , when [she]168-lia stares at [me]0-i with those large , mossy eyes , [I]0-i ca n’t seem to switch [my]0-i brain back to protective mode . “ Stubbed [my]0-i toe in there , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say out of the blue . “ What ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks . “ Uh , yeah . Stubbed [my]168-lia toe and have n’t felt right ever since . ”[168-lia] “ [You]0-i ’re being stupid , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says while playfully pushing at [my]0-i chest . “ Is this [your]0-i way of trying to make [me]168-lia feel better ? ”[168-lia] “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , almost out of desperation . “ Yup , [you]0-i know [me]0-i , always joking around . ”[0-i] “ Well , [I]168-lia appreciate the attempt , but [I]168-lia think [I]168-lia just need to get some sleep and rest [my]168-lia mind . ”[168-lia] “ Yeah , might be best . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ Well , good night . ”[0-i] “ Night , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia turns away from [me]0-i , and [I]0-i mentally let out a large sigh . Well , thank [God]103-god for that . Not sure what [I]0-i would have done if [she]168-lia wanted to continue to talk . Now , [I]0-i can just rest here in peace and not worry about staring into [her]168-lia eyes , getting lost in [her]168-lia late - night voice , or even thinking about — [She]168-lia scoots backward . Uh , what is [she]168-lia doing ? Then some more . Excuse [me]0-i , [you]168-lia ’re getting kind of close . [Her]168-lia ass bumps into [my]0-i leg . Warning ! Warning ! [She]168-lia ’s way too close . “ Whatcha got going on [there]2152-there ? ”[168-lia] [I]0-i ask [her]168-lia , [my]0-i body stiff as a board . “ Can [you]168-lia hold [me]0-i , [Breaker]2551-breaker ? ”[0-i] Absolutely . Not . Has [she]168-lia lost [her]168-lia goddamn mind ? Hold [her]168-lia ? In [the same bed]1170-the same bed ? Like . . . [she]168-lia wants [us]1171-us to * gulp * spoon or something . What the hell has gotten into [her]168-lia , and why now ? Why , on the day that [I]0-i realize [I]0-i love [this girl]2214-this girl ? Is this some sick joke that [I]0-i ’m unaware of ? Some prank that [I]0-i ’m caught up in ? If so , it ’s not fucking funny . No way on [[God]103-god ’s green earth]1173-god ’s green earth am [I]0-i about to spoon [Lia]168-lia . “ Please , [Breaker]68-breaker . [I]168-lia could really use the comfort . ”[168-lia] Well . . . fuck . . . [me]0-i . “ Um , do [you]68-breaker think [Brian]100-brian would like to know that [I]168-lia held [you]68-breaker at night ? ”[168-lia] “ [I]168-lia do n’t know . ”[168-lia] “ Yes , [you]68-breaker do , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [He]2955-he would hate it . ”[0-i] “ It ’s not like it matters . [I]168-lia ’m not cheating on [him]2955-he . [You]68-breaker ’re [[my]168-lia best friend]2156-my best friend , [[my]168-lia family]2957-my family , [the only person who can truly make [me]168-lia feel at peace]2958-the only person who can truly make me feel at peace . If [you]68-breaker were [a girl]2056-a girl , [I]168-lia ’d ask [you]68-breaker to do the same . ”[168-lia] “ [You]68-breaker would ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Of course . [I]0-i used to spoon with [[my]0-i mom]2233-my mom all the time . ”[0-i] Ah , so [she]1174-her sees [me]0-i as [a motherly figure]1175-a motherly figure . [I]0-i ca n’t hear that enough . “ It ’s okay if [you]0-i do n’t want to , ”[1174-her] [she]1174-her says in such a defeated tone that [I]0-i can actually feel [my]0-i heart twist in [my]0-i chest . “ No , [I]1174-her can , ”[1174-her] [I]0-i reply quickly . “ Just , [you]1174-her know , checking all of [my]0-i bases is all . ”[0-i] [I]0-i lift [my]0-i arm and hover it over [her]1174-her for a few seconds . Do [I]0-i just . . . cuddle [her]1174-her ? Or should [I]0-i just lightly drape [my]0-i burly man arm over the curve of [her]1174-her waist to make it seem like [we]1176-we ’re spooning , but in reality , [I]0-i ’m just using [her]1174-her as a human armrest ? The human armrest thing feels very rewarding , so [I]0-i gently place [my]0-i forearm on [her]1174-her waist , [my]0-i hand extended straight out and lifting the blankets . Eh , that does n’t work , so [I]0-i lift [my]0-i arm again and hover . [I]0-i adjust , touch down on [her]1174-her waist , and notice the same thing . Nope , back to hover . [I]0-i do n’t know where to drape . Not over [her]1174-her boobs , those as [we]1176-we found out from [her]1174-her hanging bra are loose and wild at the moment . There ’s [her]1174-her stomach , but is that too intimate ? Which leaves [her]1174-her pelvic area , and well , not so sure that ’s a great idea either . Hand to pelvis does n’t scream platonic , more like one stroke away from legs spread and loud moans . Luckily , [I]0-i do n’t have to debate it too long because [she]1174-her lowers [my]0-i arm around [her]1174-her stomach and scoots in closer so [her]1174-her body is plastered against [mine]0-i . Right up against [me]0-i . Back to chest . Butt to . . . * gulp * crotch . Sweet Jesus , [man]2061-man . . . do not get a goddamn boner . Penis , do [you]1178-you hear [me]0-i ? This is not a moment to defy [me]0-i . Be [a good fucking listener]1179-a good fucking listener . Think of flaccid things . FLACCID . Flaccid , floppy , dangly , pendulous . . . limp . There [you]1178-you go . OH , [I]0-i could think of things that are so repulsive that [I]0-i ’d rather hurl [my]0-i head into [my]0-i trash can than think about . Ahhh , [I]0-i know . [I]0-i squeeze [my]0-i eyes shut and conjure up images of [JP]92-jp and [[his]92-jp dirty pigeon friend]1180-his dirty pigeon friend . What ’s [its]1180-his dirty pigeon friend name ? [Cocoon]171-cocoon ? [Carl]172-carl ? “ [Clementine]173-clementine ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i accidentally say out loud . “ What ? ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia whispers . “ Uh , [Clementine]173-clementine , ”[0-i] [I]0-i repeat , for [God]103-god knows what reason . “ Like the fruit ? ”[0-i] “ Sure , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ Why are [you]168-lia saying that ? ”[0-i] “ Ca n’t think of [[JP]92-jp ’s pigeon friend]2961-jp ’s pigeon friend . ”[0-i] “ [Kazoo]116-kazoo ? ”[0-i] “ Ohhhhh , right . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile to [myself]0-i . “ [Kazoo]116-kazoo . ”[0-i] “ Why are [you]168-lia thinking about [JP]92-jp and [Kazoo]116-kazoo ? ”[0-i] So [I]0-i do n’t get a boner . Because [your]1181-your ass is pressed right up against [my]0-i pelvis , and if [I]0-i even move a little , [I]0-i know the friction will be enough to give [me]0-i a semi . “ [He]92-jp was talking about [him]92-jp earlier today , and [I]0-i could n’t think of [his]92-jp name . ”[0-i] “ Oh . . . well , it ’s [Kazoo]116-kazoo . ”[1182-you] “ Yup , logged that away . ”[1182-you] [She]1182-you places [her]1182-you hand on top of [mine]0-i and says , “ [I]1182-you think [I]1182-you need to change , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[1182-you] Change [her]1182-you clothes ? Into what ? [She]1182-you ’s barely wearing anything as it is . [My]0-i mind floats to [her]1182-you in lingerie , walking toward [me]0-i , sexy as shit with [her]1182-you tits . . . NO ! Kazoo , think of [Kazoo]116-kazoo and the way [JP]92-jp blows kisses at the damn thing . Revolting . Satisfied , [I]0-i say , “ Do [you]1182-you need pants or something ? ”[0-i] “ No , not that kind of change . [I]0-i mean , like [my]0-i life needs to change . ”[0-i] That snaps [me]0-i out of [my]0-i “ [I]0-i ’m in love with [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend fog . ”[0-i] “ Change ? What do [you]1182-you mean , change ? [You]1182-you ’re perfect as [you]1182-you are , [Lia]168-lia . ”[0-i] “ [I]1183-i feel like [I]1183-i ’m in a rut , that [I]1183-i ’ve been going through the motions and not truly allowing [myself]1183-i to experience the things [I]1183-i need to experience . ”[1183-i] “ What do [you]1182-you mean ? ”[1183-i] [She]1183-i twists so [she]1183-i ’s on [her]1183-i back , and [my]0-i hand rests directly on [her]1183-i stomach . [Her]1183-i head tilts to the side just enough so [our]1184-our eyes connect in the dim light of [the room]250-the room . “ Ever since [[my]1183-i parents]2089-my parents passed away , [I]1183-i do n’t think [I]1183-i ’ve given [myself]1183-i a chance to live . [I]1183-i mean , [I]1183-i ’m about to get married in four weeks , and it feels almost like a death sentence rather than a thrilling event . And [I]1183-i ’m not sure if that ’s because [I]1183-i ’m mourning [[my]1183-i parents]2089-my parents or [The Beave]111-the beave is ruining the process , but [I]1183-i ’m not having fun . [I]1183-i want to have fun . [I]1183-i want to do things [I]1183-i ’ve never done before . [I]1183-i want to live a life [[my]1183-i parents]2089-my parents wanted [me]1183-i to live , and [I]1183-i do n’t think [I]1183-i ’ve been doing that . ”[1183-i] [My]0-i thumb smooths over [her]1186-her stomach , the touch to comfort [her]1186-her . “ What are some things [you]1186-her want to do ? ”[0-i] “ [I]1186-her do n’t know , ”[1186-her] [she]1186-her says quietly . “ But [I]1186-her think there needs to be a change . ”[1186-her] “ If [you]1186-her feel that way , [I]0-i will one hundred percent support [you]1186-her , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , and [she]1186-her shifts so [she]1186-her ’s facing [me]0-i now , [her]1186-her face only inches from [mine]0-i . [Her]1186-her shirt bunches up around [my]0-i hand at [her]1186-her waist . “ [You]0-i will ? ”[1186-her] “ Of course , [Lia]168-lia , but [I]1186-her need [you]1186-her to know , right now , as [you]1186-her are , [you]1186-her ’re perfect , okay ? ”[1186-her] The way [she]1186-her ’s looking at [me]0-i , [her]1186-her proximity and the feelings pumping through [me]0-i rapidly , give [me]0-i [my]0-i voice . “ There ’s absolutely nothing [I]0-i would change . Not [your]1186-her heart and the way [you]1186-her care for [the people around [you]1186-her]2966-the people around you . Not [your]1186-her mind and how [you]1186-her can shift from sassy to intelligent in seconds . Not [your]1186-her soul and the way [you]1186-her carry [your]1186-her scars with pride . ”[0-i] [I]0-i grip [her]1186-her shirt and repeat , “ [You]1186-her are perfect . ”[0-i] [Her]1186-her mouth parts , [her]1186-her plump lips glistening . [Her]1186-her eyes widen with each breath [she]1186-her takes . And it might be [my]0-i imagination , but [I]0-i can feel [her]1186-her draw even closer , leaving no space between [us]1187-us . In the root of [my]0-i stomach , this deep , twisting , agonizing feeling spreads through [me]0-i to the tips of [my]0-i limbs , this urge to touch [her]1186-her , to slip [my]0-i hand under [her]1186-her shirt and feel [her]1186-her skin , to bring [my]0-i mouth closer to [hers]1186-her where [I]0-i ’d see if [she]1186-her ’s tempted just as much as [I]0-i am . “ Th - Thank [you]0-i , ”[1186-her] [she]1186-her says finally , [her]1186-her voice soft and sweet . [I]0-i wet [my]0-i lips as [I]0-i attempt to control [my]0-i breathing , [my]0-i hand twisting in the fabric of [her]1186-her shirt just enough that [I]0-i can feel [her]1186-her warm skin on [my]0-i wrist . “ [You]0-i do n’t need to thank [me]1186-her , [Lia]168-lia . It ’s just facts . ”[1186-her] “ Still , [I]0-i needed to hear that . So thank [you]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Anything for [you]1186-her , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i glance down at [her]1186-her lips and then back up at [her]1186-her eyes . What [I]0-i would n’t do for those lips right now . Just one kiss . Just one taste . From the corner of [my]0-i eye , [I]0-i catch [her]1186-her chest rising and falling harder as [she]1186-her moves in an inch . Fuck [me]0-i . [I]0-i loosen [my]0-i grip on [her]1186-her shirt and , instead , rest [my]0-i warm palm against [her]1186-her exposed hip . [I]0-i find the seam of [her]1186-her underwear and gently press [my]0-i index finger against it as [my]0-i blood burns for more . [You]1188-you ’re so close , just . . . just slip [your]1188-you finger under the seam , see what [she]1186-her does . Gauge [her]1186-her reaction . [My]0-i pulse thunders as [I]0-i glide [my]0-i finger along the seam , [my]0-i mind telling [me]0-i to stop , [my]0-i heart screaming at [me]0-i for more . [I]0-i want [her]1186-her so fucking bad that it ’s painful . When [I]0-i gaze into [her]1186-her eyes , [I]0-i do n’t see anything other than admiration . It ’s a fucking look from [her]1186-her [I]0-i will always cherish , [I]0-i will live for , because it shows [me]0-i just how much [she]1186-her trusts [me]0-i . Even as [I]0-i ’m bordering on crossing a line , [she]1186-her trusts [me]0-i . So [I]0-i slip [my]0-i finger softly under the seam of [her]1186-her underwear , right on [her]1186-her hip . [She]1186-her smiles . [My]0-i cock springs forward as all the blood rushes down [my]0-i body as [she]1186-her reaches [her]1186-her hand between [us]1189-us and cups [my]0-i cheek . [Her]1186-her thumb slides across [my]0-i scruff , and [I]0-i freeze in place as [she]1186-her moves in closer . Fuck . [She]1186-her wants this . Right ? [She]1186-her wants this just as much as [me]0-i . [I]0-i remove [my]0-i hand and slide it to [her]1186-her back , where [her]1186-her shirt has lifted so [I]0-i can feel [her]1186-her warm skin at the tip of [my]0-i pinky . [I]0-i ’m so fucking tempted to slide [my]0-i fingers down [her]1186-her back , under [her]1186-her underwear , and grip [her]1186-her ass . But [I]0-i want to see where [she]1186-her goes with this . [I]0-i want to see what [she]1186-her wants from [me]0-i . So [I]0-i brace [myself]0-i , waiting , not stopping the way [she]1186-her ’s closing in on [me]0-i , but welcoming it because fuck , [I]0-i want this . [I]0-i should care that [she]1186-her ’s engaged . [I]0-i should care that [we]1190-we ’re [best friends]273-best friends and this could ruin everything . But [I]0-i do n’t because [I]0-i want [her]1186-her lips . [I]0-i want to taste them . [I]0-i want to see if the thought of how [she]1186-her tastes and feels in [my]0-i arms is just as good as [I]0-i think it is . [Her]1186-her mouth grows closer and closer . [My]0-i veins feel electric . [My]0-i muscles tighten . [My]0-i breath seizes in [my]0-i chest . And then [she]1186-her presses [her]1186-her lips . . . to [my]0-i cheek before saying , “ Good night , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[1186-her] Then [she]1186-her turns back around , snuggles into [her]1186-her pillow , and that ’s that . Nothing else . [I]0-i squeeze [my]0-i eyes shut for being such [a goddamn fool]1192-a goddamn fool , for even wanting more . [She]1186-her ’s fucking engaged , [[you]0-i moron]1157-you moron . Best [you]0-i remember that . Chapter Eleven LIA [The apartment]809-the apartment is quiet . [Breaker]68-breaker is still in bed sleeping while [I]0-i sit on [his]68-breaker couch , coffee in hand , staring out the window at the view , the same view [I]0-i have from [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment . Yet , [I]0-i feel more comfortable [here]249-here . More at [home]373-home . It ’s why [I]0-i wanted to come over last night . [I]0-i felt so out of control , and [I]0-i needed that comfort . And that ’s exactly what [I]0-i got . Despite [our]1198-our fight this week and things being awkward between [us]1198-our — that whole “ [I]68-breaker stubbed [my]68-breaker toe ”[68-breaker] thing was really weird — [I]0-i can still rely on [him]68-breaker . [He]68-breaker held [me]0-i last night , told [me]0-i how much [he]68-breaker appreciated [me]0-i , and did n’t let [me]0-i feel lonely for even a second . [I]0-i take a sip of [my]0-i coffee and then glance down at [my]0-i list . With [my]0-i mind racing , [I]0-i woke up early , came out [here]249-here , and started writing down the things [I]0-i wanted to do before [I]0-i got married . [I]0-i wanted to be thoughtful in [my]0-i check - off list , not just write things down to write them down . So [I]0-i ’ve narrowed it down to five items . Do something that makes [me]0-i feel pretty . Create a circle of trust . Spend a day saying yes . Stand up for [myself]0-i . Follow [my]0-i heart . [I]0-i stare down at the list , a large smile on [my]0-i face as [I]0-i realize this is exactly what [I]0-i need to get out of this rut , [this dark pit [I]0-i feel like [I]0-i ’ve been sinking into]1200-this dark pit i feel like i ’ve been sinking into . And [I]0-i already have some ideas on how to check these off . “ What do [you]1201-you think , [Mom]166-mom and [Dad]165-dad ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Think this is a way to jumpstart [my]0-i life again ? ”[0-i] A warm sense of comfort rushes through [me]0-i . It might all be in [my]0-i head , but [I]0-i almost feel like [I]0-i can sense [their]1201-you approval . “ Good morning , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker steps into [the living room]937-the living room , scratching [his]68-breaker chest and looking like [he]68-breaker needs at least two more hours of sleep . “ How long have [you]0-i been up ? ”[68-breaker] “ About an hour . There ’s coffee warming if [you]0-i want some . The raspberry kind of course . ”[68-breaker] “ As if [you]0-i need to say anything , [I]68-breaker could smell it from [the bedroom]1154-the bedroom . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker stumbles over to [the kitchen]497-the kitchen , [his]68-breaker feet scraping against the tile as [he]68-breaker makes it to the coffee pot and pulls down the Jack Skellington mug [I]0-i got [him]68-breaker one year for Christmas . It was one of [his]68-breaker favorite movies growing up . Since buying presents for [a billionaire]488-a billionaire is incredibly hard , [I]0-i decided to go the sentimental route . [He]68-breaker uses it often . Once [he]68-breaker pours [his]68-breaker coffee , [he]68-breaker turns toward [me]0-i and nods at [my]0-i paper and pen . “ What are [you]0-i writing ? ”[68-breaker] “ The next greatest novel . It ’s about a dragon who slays . . . on the dance floor and out on [the battlefield]2968-the battlefield . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker sips [his]68-breaker coffee and then says , “ Does the dragon dress in drag ? ”[68-breaker] “ Obviously . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker ’d read the hell out of that , especially if it ’s as riveting as [Lovers]174-lovers , Not [Brothers]175-brothers . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker walks over to where [I]0-i ’m sitting on the couch and takes a seat as well . “ Does [your]0-i dragon have a name ? ”[68-breaker] “ [Anita Sparkle Claw]176-anita sparkle claw , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ [She]176-anita sparkle claw sounds feisty . ”[0-i] “ With one touch of [her]176-anita sparkle claw talon , [you]0-i ’re transported into ye old ages full of glitter battles and fleshy sword fights . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker chuckles . “ Fleshy sword fights , huh ? [I]68-breaker like the sound of that . Very intriguing . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker ’ll be sure to send [you]0-i the rough draft . ”[68-breaker] With a smile over the lip of [his]68-breaker coffee mug , [he]68-breaker nudges [my]0-i leg and says , “ Seriously , what are [you]0-i writing ? ”[68-breaker] “ A list . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker circles [his]68-breaker hand . “ Care to elaborate ? ”[68-breaker] “ Well , [I]68-breaker ’ve been thinking about how [I]68-breaker have n’t been feeling right and , to get [myself]68-breaker out of this rut , [I]68-breaker came up with a list of things to do before [I]68-breaker get married . ”[68-breaker] “ Like a bucket list ? ”[68-breaker] “ Yes , but this could be called the knot list . ”[68-breaker] “ Knot list ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks , [his]68-breaker eyebrow lifting in that cute way of [his]68-breaker . “ [You]0-i know , instead of kicking the bucket , [I]68-breaker ’m tying the knot . ”[68-breaker] “ Aah , [I]0-i ’m following [you]68-breaker . Okay , so what ’s on [your]68-breaker list ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i hand it over to [him]68-breaker , and [I]0-i watch as [he]68-breaker reads it over , slowly nodding . “ Well , for one , [you]68-breaker ’re already pretty , so no need to worry about that . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes and steal the list from [him]68-breaker . “ [I]0-i want to do something that makes [me]0-i feel pretty . Something different , and [I]0-i have an idea . Want to go with [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] “ Go with [you]68-breaker where ? ”[0-i] “ To check off the first item on [my]0-i list . [I]0-i want to go today . Get this ball rolling . ”[0-i] “ Oh , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says and then winces . “ [I]68-breaker , uh , [I]68-breaker have that date with [Birdy]118-birdy today . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]0-i forgot about that . ”[0-i] [I]0-i glance to the side , disappointment heavy in [my]0-i shoulders . “ That ’s okay . [I]0-i can do this by [myself]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i flash [my]0-i eyes up to [him]68-breaker . “ But some of these [I]0-i ’m going to need [a cohort]2969-a cohort in . [I]0-i wo n’t do it alone . ”[0-i] “ Any other day , [I]68-breaker ’m free , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says . “ [I]68-breaker ’m there for [you]0-i . ”[68-breaker] “ Thank [you]68-breaker . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile and bring [my]0-i knees into [my]0-i chest . “ Care to tell [me]0-i what the thing is that [you]68-breaker ’re doing today ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ No , [I]0-i want it to be a surprise . ”[0-i] “ Okay . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker takes another sip of [his]68-breaker coffee . “ And what about this circle of trust ? Am [I]68-breaker in it ? ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i ’re the core of it . ”[0-i] That makes [him]68-breaker smile . “ Good . Just checking . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker glances around and asks , “ So did [you]0-i get breakfast , or am [I]68-breaker supposed to house [you]0-i and feed [you]0-i ? ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker think [you]0-i know the answer to that . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker sighs and stands from the couch . “ What ’s it going to be ? Waffles ? Pancakes ? Omelets ? ”[68-breaker] “ The pickle special , please . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker glances over [his]68-breaker shoulder . “ If it ’s going to be the pickle special , then [you]0-i better get [your]0-i little behind in here and help . ”[68-breaker] “ But [I]0-i ’m emotionally spent , ”[0-i] [I]0-i playfully whine . “ Not an excuse . Get in [here]249-here , now . ”[0-i] “ Fine , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer , exasperated . * * * “ So are [you]68-breaker nervous ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask [Breaker]68-breaker as [I]0-i sit on [his]68-breaker bed , cross - legged , drinking [my]0-i third cup of coffee this morning . “ Nervous about what ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks as [he]68-breaker sifts through [his]68-breaker dresser for clothes . Fresh from the shower with a towel wrapped around [his]68-breaker waist , [he]68-breaker still has droplets of water cascading over [his]68-breaker skin from places [he]68-breaker missed while drying . [I]0-i watch [his]68-breaker finely tuned back muscles flex , the corded sinew on either side of [his]68-breaker spine when [he]68-breaker moves to the right and when [he]68-breaker moves to the left . When [he]68-breaker stands with a T - shirt and shorts in hand , [I]0-i catch the way [his]68-breaker towel conforms to [his]68-breaker butt , giving [me]0-i the smallest glimpse of [his]68-breaker glutes and the hard work [he]68-breaker puts in at [the gym]313-the gym . And when [he]68-breaker turns around , [I]0-i avert [my]0-i eyes because there ’s something about [his]68-breaker chest , the thickness of [his]68-breaker pecs , and the carved divots of [his]68-breaker abdomen that make [me]0-i blush . Staring down at [my]0-i coffee cup , [I]0-i say , “ Nervous about [your]68-breaker date with [Birdy]118-birdy . ”[0-i] “ No , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says confidently . “ Not even a little ? ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker shakes [his]68-breaker head . “ Not even a little . ”[68-breaker] “ Well , [she]118-birdy did make it quite clear that [you]68-breaker two were having a good time . [She]118-birdy said [you]68-breaker were [a really good kisser]2825-a really good kisser . ”[68-breaker] “ That ’s because [I]68-breaker am , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , then smirks at [me]0-i . [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ Humble much ? ”[68-breaker] “ Never . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker disappears into [[his]68-breaker bathroom]1206-his bathroom , and [I]0-i call out , “ Are [you]68-breaker doing anything tonight ? [I]0-i was hoping [we]2972-we could play Plunder or Codenames . But [I]0-i can find something else to do if [you]68-breaker plan on carrying [your]68-breaker date later into the night . ”[0-i] [He]68-breaker pops out of [the bathroom]621-the bathroom wearing a pair of black athletic shorts and a black T - shirt . Funny that [he]68-breaker took so long searching through [his]68-breaker dresser for that outfit . It ’s as plain as plain can get . “ [I]68-breaker ’ll let [you]0-i know , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker takes a seat on the edge of the bed with a pair of black socks . “ Are [your]0-i panties black too ? ”[68-breaker] “ Do n’t call them panties . ”[0-i] [I]0-i laugh as [he]68-breaker continues . “ And [you]0-i know they ’re black . How could [you]0-i forget after that one night [you]0-i were so wasted , [you]0-i wore them over [your]0-i head and passed out . ”[0-i] “ Can [we]2973-we not talk about that ? ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i brought up underwear . Therefore , [I]68-breaker wanted to bring up one of [my]68-breaker favorite memories of [you]0-i . ”[68-breaker] “ That ’s one of [your]68-breaker favorites ? Wow , [you]0-i really need to reconsider [your]0-i memories . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker turns toward [me]0-i , and [I]0-i get a whiff of [his]68-breaker cologne — fresh and bright — which makes [me]0-i want to sink [my]0-i nose into [his]68-breaker chest . “ If [we]2974-we ’re talking favorite memories , [I]68-breaker think yesterday a core one hit [me]68-breaker hard in the chest . Was n’t expecting it . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker voice grows serious , so [I]0-i know what [he]68-breaker ’s about to say is not a joke . “ What was it ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [His]68-breaker eyes lift , and [he]68-breaker says , “ Seeing [you]0-i in that wedding dress . [You]0-i seriously took [my]68-breaker breath away , [Lia]168-lia . ”[68-breaker] [My]0-i cheeks heat as [I]0-i bring [my]0-i coffee cup to [my]0-i lips . “ Thank [you]68-breaker . ”[0-i] And then , because the moment is so serious , [I]0-i say , “ Do [you]68-breaker know what [my]0-i favorite memory of [you]68-breaker is ? ”[0-i] “ The time [I]0-i misspelled pickle while playing Scrabble so [you]68-breaker could forever have a nickname for [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle . “ No , but that ’s up there . ”[0-i] [I]0-i push a strand of hair out of [my]0-i face . “ The day [you]68-breaker graduated . [I]0-i can still see the exuberant hug [you]68-breaker gave [[your]68-breaker brothers]2386-your brothers while [you]68-breaker were in [your]68-breaker cap and gown . It was so beautiful to see [brothers]2140-brothers that connected to [each other]288-each other , that supportive . It made [me]0-i love [you]68-breaker that much more . ”[0-i] [He]1208-he smiles . “ [I]1208-he ’ve been very lucky in [the brother department]2978-the brother department , even though [they]2386-your brothers can be pains and [they]2386-your brothers ditch [me]1208-he for [[their]2386-your brothers wives]916-their wives now . ”[1208-he] “ Can [you]1208-he blame [them]2386-your brothers ? Have [you]1208-he seen [[their]2386-your brothers wives]916-their wives ? ”[1208-he] [He]1208-he laughs . “ Yeah , [I]1208-he have , and the fact that [they]2386-your brothers got married so close together does n’t really help [me]1208-he because [they]2386-your brothers ’re both still honeymooning . ”[1208-he] “ [I]1208-he ’m pretty sure [they]2386-your brothers ’ll be honeymooning for a while . ”[1208-he] [He]1208-he drags [his]1208-he hand over [his]1208-he scruffy jaw . “ [I]1208-he ’m pretty sure [you]1208-he ’re going to be doing the honeymooning pretty quickly as well . ”[1208-he] [I]0-i shrug . “ Probably not as long . [Brian]100-brian is not that obsessed with [me]0-i . [I]0-i ’m guessing [he]1208-he ’ll be [the guy who brings work on [his]1208-he honeymoon]2981-the guy who brings work on his honeymoon . ”[0-i] The words come out of [my]0-i mouth before [I]0-i can stop them . When [I]0-i glance at [Breaker]68-breaker , [his]68-breaker brow is furrowed , and [I]0-i can tell [he]68-breaker wants to say something . “ Who knows , though , ”[0-i] [I]0-i continue . “ [He]68-breaker can be very attentive at times . ”[0-i] [Breaker]68-breaker stands from the bed and stretches [his]68-breaker arms over [his]68-breaker head , revealing a patch of skin right above the waistband of [his]68-breaker shorts . “ If it were [me]68-breaker , [I]68-breaker ’d spend a great deal of time honeymooning . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker eyes connect with [mine]0-i . “ No way would [I]68-breaker let [you]0-i out of [my]68-breaker sight . ”[68-breaker] [My]0-i cheeks flame , and [he]68-breaker quickly realizes what [he]68-breaker said so [he]68-breaker adjusts . “ [I]68-breaker mean , [[my]68-breaker girl]2155-my girl . No way would [I]68-breaker let [[my]68-breaker girl]2155-my girl out of [my]68-breaker sight . ”[68-breaker] And [I]0-i believe that to the fullest . There was only one time [I]0-i ever heard [Breaker]68-breaker have sex , and [he]68-breaker must have forgotten [I]0-i was [home]373-home , but [I]0-i can still remember like it was yesterday . [The girl]1210-the girl was n’t obnoxious at all . [She]1210-the girl actually sounded sweet — if that is n’t weird to say — but it was [Breaker]68-breaker ’s dirty mouth that [I]0-i can still hear , deep and sultry , telling [her]1210-the girl how [he]68-breaker was going to fuck [her]1210-the girl and for how long . It was the sexiest thing [I]0-i ’ve ever heard , completely unexpected , and it took [me]0-i a day or two to be able to look at [him]68-breaker normally again . If [he]68-breaker was honeymooning , [I]0-i have no doubt that [he]68-breaker would be rabid about it , even though [he]68-breaker gives off nice - guy vibes . [He]68-breaker gets along with just about [everyone]2071-everyone . [He]68-breaker is possessive , protective , charming , just like [[his]68-breaker brothers]388-his brothers . No word of a lie . [I]0-i have envied [Lottie]96-lottie and [Kelsey]113-kelsey a few times . [Brian]100-brian always seems happy to see [me]0-i , but [he]68-breaker ’s never particularly . . . ravenous . There have been times [I]0-i ’ve felt more appreciated , like a fine wine rather than defiled . And [I]0-i know [Lottie]96-lottie and [Kelsey]113-kelsey have been defiled many , many times by [[their]1213-their Cane husbands]1214-their cane husbands . And [Breaker]68-breaker would be no exception . “ Well , [[your]68-breaker girl]2154-your girl would be very lucky , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , trying to break the tension that immediately filled [the room]250-the room . “ [I]0-i just do n’t think [Brian]100-brian is [that kind of guy]2496-that kind of guy . [We]2986-we barely have sex now as it is . ”[0-i] That makes [Breaker]68-breaker pause and then slowly turn to [me]0-i . “ What ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks . Oh crap . “ Uh , [I]0-i do n’t know why [I]0-i said that , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say awkwardly . “ Is it true ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ca n’t look [him]68-breaker in the eyes when [I]0-i answer , “ [Brian]100-brian just has a lot going on , and [I]0-i have to respect that . ”[0-i] “ Fuck that , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says , growing angry . “ [He]68-breaker should be fucking [you]0-i every chance [he]68-breaker gets . [He]68-breaker should appreciate the fact that [he]68-breaker gets to be with [you]0-i . That [he]68-breaker gets to pleasure [you]0-i . It should n’t even be a question about whether or not [you]0-i ’re fucking at night . [He]68-breaker should want [you]0-i every goddamn second of every goddamn hour . And if [he]68-breaker ’s not pleasuring [you]0-i the way [he]68-breaker should , then that ’s something [you]0-i need to discuss . ”[68-breaker] “ [He]68-breaker ’s been tired , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] “ That ’s no goddamn excuse . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker pushes away from the bed and grips [his]68-breaker hair . “ Fuck , if [you]0-i were [[my]68-breaker fiancée]2987-my fiancée , [[my]68-breaker wife]2159-my wife , [I]68-breaker ’d never let [you]0-i leave [the bedroom]1154-the bedroom . [Your]0-i voice would be hoarse from every fucking orgasm [I]68-breaker gave [you]0-i . ”[68-breaker] Once again , [my]0-i cheeks flame and [my]0-i stomach twists with uncertainty , heat , and this weird , bubbly , airless feeling as [I]0-i stare up at [him]68-breaker . And when [his]68-breaker eyes meet [mine]0-i , [I]0-i wait for [him]68-breaker to change [his]68-breaker wording again , but [he]68-breaker does n’t . “ Anyway . . . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker blows out a heavy breath . “ [I]68-breaker should get going . Feel free to stay as long as [you]0-i want . ”[68-breaker] “ Okay , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer awkwardly . “ Have fun on [your]68-breaker hike . ”[0-i] “ Thanks . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker makes it to [[his]68-breaker bedroom]614-his bedroom door and then glances over [his]68-breaker shoulder . “ Ca n’t wait to see what [you]0-i do today . Love [you]0-i , [Lia]168-lia . ”[68-breaker] “ L - love [you]68-breaker , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , stuttering over the words , not because [I]0-i ’ve never said them to [him]68-breaker before , but because of the way [his]68-breaker eyes penetrate [me]0-i when [he]68-breaker says it , like [he]68-breaker ’s trying to convey something . Like [he]68-breaker ’s trying to tell [me]0-i something else , something deeper , but before [I]0-i can decipher exactly what it is , [he]68-breaker ’s heading toward [the living room]937-the living room and then out [his]68-breaker door . To [[his]68-breaker date]1218-his date . With [Birdy]118-birdy . [I]0-i set [my]0-i coffee mug on the nightstand and flop back on the bed . What the hell was that all about ? Chapter Twelve BREAKER “ Are [you]1219-you both there ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i say into the phone once [I]0-i conference [Huxley]92-jp in . “ Yes , ”[1219-you] [they]1219-you say at the same time , and then [Huxley]92-jp adds , “ This better be fucking good . [Lottie]96-lottie is waiting for [me]92-jp . ”[92-jp] “ [Kelsey]113-kelsey is cooking pancakes naked , so yeah , hurry the fuck up , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . God , [their]1219-you lives are so annoying . . . annoying because [I]0-i ’m jealous . So fucking jealous . “ [I]0-i need to talk to [[you]1219-you guys]2339-you guys because [I]0-i ’m going to do something stupid . [I]0-i can feel it . [I]0-i need to come back to work . [I]0-i need to distract [myself]0-i with something , anything , please , just let [me]0-i come back to work . ”[0-i] “ Uhh . . . the desperation is thick . What ’s going on ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks . “ [I]0-i almost fucked up , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Or maybe [I]0-i did , [I]0-i do n’t know , but fuck , it ’s not good . It ’s really not good , so please just let [me]0-i come back to work . [I]0-i ’ll wear a wig , a fake mustache , [I]0-i ’ll even do another job . Just anything to get [me]0-i away from . . . from this hell . ”[0-i] “ A mustache , huh ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks . “ Tell [us]2991-us what the hell is going on , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says in that father - figure voice of [his]92-jp . [I]0-i take a deep breath while [I]0-i squeeze the steering wheel of [[my]0-i car]1105-my car at a red light . [I]0-i should be stressed by the goddamn lawsuit being hurled toward [me]0-i . [I]0-i should be worried that the Cane name is being disparaged . But no . [I]0-i ’m stressed about [the woman [I]0-i love]1142-the woman i love who [I]0-i just told [I]0-i ’d fuck hard enough to make [her]1142-the woman i love hoarse from orgasms . The fuck ? But first . . . “ [I]0-i , uh . . . came to the conclusion that [I]0-i have feelings for [Lia]168-lia . ”[0-i] There ’s silence . And then , “ [I]92-jp fucking told [you]0-i [he]2992-he was going to figure it out in a week , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ Spending that much time with [a girl [you]0-i ’re harboring feelings for while [she]168-lia attempts to plan a wedding with [another man]1143-another man]2993-a girl you ’re harboring feelings for while she attempts to plan a wedding with another man , yeah , that will give [you]0-i a swift kick to the scrotum . ”[92-jp] “ Can [we]2995-we not play the [I]0-i - told - [you]92-jp - so game ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ But [we]2995-we did , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ [We]2995-we told [you]0-i this would happen . ”[92-jp] “ Okay , great , wonderful , [you]2995-we two are [modern - day matchmakers]2996-modern - day matchmakers . [Congratulations]177-congratulations . Now , can [we]2995-we please move on ? ”[92-jp] “ Glad [you]0-i can be big enough to acknowledge that , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ How does this pertain to work and fucking up ? ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp asks . “ [I]92-jp ca n’t be around [her]2997-her anymore . [I]92-jp need reasons [I]92-jp ca n’t help with the planning of [her]2997-her wedding . ”[92-jp] “ So [you]0-i ’re just going to crush [her]2997-her like that ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks . “ [Dude]2160-dude , that ’s not cool . ”[92-jp] “ What the hell am [I]0-i supposed to do ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]0-i just told [her]2997-her if [she]2997-her was [mine]0-i , [I]0-i ’d never let [her]2997-her go . [I]0-i would fuck [her]2997-her every chance [I]0-i had . ”[0-i] “ Whoa , what ? ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ Uh , [dude]2160-dude , that ’s a bit extreme for not even admitting [your]2160-dude feelings . How ? Did [you]2160-dude just announce that [you]2160-dude ’d fuck [her]2997-her out of the blue ? ”[92-jp] “ No . ”[0-i] [I]0-i drag [my]0-i hand over [my]0-i face . “ [We]3000-we were talking about the honeymoon phase , and [I]0-i mentioned how [I]0-i would n’t let [her]2997-her out of [my]0-i sight but quickly changed it to [[my]0-i girl]2155-my girl . But then , after that , [she]2997-her tells [me]0-i that [she]2997-her and [Brian]100-brian barely have sex because [he]0-i ’s tired , and [I]0-i just fucking lost it . All [I]0-i could think about was how [this lucky son of a bitch]3002-this lucky son of a bitch was taking advantage of [her]2997-her and how [he]0-i did n’t deserve [her]2997-her , and [I]0-i told [her]2997-her that if [she]2997-her was [mine]0-i , [we]3003-we ’d be fucking all the time , so yeah . . . there [you]3004-you have it . [I]0-i need to not be around [her]2997-her anymore , and if [I]0-i could return to work , that would be great . Thank [you]3004-you . ”[0-i] “ [You]92-jp ca n’t come back to work yet , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ Not until [Taylor]94-taylor says it ’s clear . ”[92-jp] “ So what am [I]0-i supposed to do ? Keep being [[her]2997-her man of honor]2369-her man of honor when clearly all [I]0-i want is [her]2997-her ? ”[0-i] “ [You]92-jp could do some next - level shit and jeopardize [her]2997-her wedding so [she]2997-her does n’t get married at all , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ Do n’t listen to [him]92-jp , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp cuts in . “ That ’s a terrible fucking idea . Why do n’t [you]92-jp just tell [her]2997-her how [you]92-jp feel ? ”[92-jp] “ Please , ”[0-i] [I]0-i scoff . “ [We]3006-we all know how that goes . [I]0-i tell [her]2997-her how [I]0-i feel , [she]2997-her does n’t feel the same way . [She]2997-her ends up patting [me]0-i on the shoulder , and then [we]3006-we do n’t talk anymore . ”[0-i] “ Where are [you]92-jp getting [your]92-jp evidence from ? Movies and TV shows ? ”[92-jp] “ Of course , where else ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i pull into [the parking lot of [the trailhead]1223-the trailhead]1222-the parking lot of the trailhead . “ Probably not [your]92-jp best source of reality , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ [I]92-jp think [Huxley]92-jp is right . [You]92-jp tell [her]2997-her , and if [she]2997-her does n’t feel the same way , at least [you]92-jp know , and [you]92-jp can move on . ”[92-jp] “ What about [that Birdy girl]3007-that birdy girl ? Ca n’t [you]92-jp move on with [her]3007-that birdy girl ? ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp asks . “ [I]92-jp ’m about to tell [her]3007-that birdy girl [I]92-jp ca n’t see [her]3007-that birdy girl anymore because [I]92-jp like [someone else]2722-someone else , and [I]92-jp do n’t want to lead [her]3007-that birdy girl on . Also , [I]92-jp ’ve kissed [her]3007-that birdy girl twice now and felt nothing , and [I]92-jp think it ’s because [I]92-jp want [Lia]168-lia and only [Lia]168-lia . ”[92-jp] “ That much is obvious , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . [I]0-i press [my]0-i fingers into [my]0-i brow and say , “ So what should [I]0-i do ? ”[0-i] “ [We]3009-we already told [you]92-jp what to do , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ Tell [Lia]168-lia how [you]92-jp feel . If [you]92-jp do n’t , [you]92-jp ’re going to regret it . ”[92-jp] “ But [she]168-lia ’s on this mission now to do things before [she]168-lia gets married . What am [I]0-i supposed to do about that ? ”[0-i] “ Well , if [you]92-jp think [she]168-lia might not feel the same way about [you]92-jp , then help [her]168-lia understand how [you]92-jp ’re a better match for [her]168-lia than [Brian]100-brian , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ Yeah , [I]92-jp agree , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp chimes in . “ How do [I]92-jp go about doing that ? ”[92-jp] “ Be everything [Brian]100-brian is not , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ Without crossing the line , obviously , [you]92-jp ca n’t go fuck [her]168-lia and be like , see , [I]92-jp fuck [you]92-jp , and [Brian]100-brian does n’t . ”[92-jp] That actually makes [me]0-i chuckle . “ [I]0-i would never do that , but [I]0-i get what [you]92-jp ’re saying . ”[0-i] [I]0-i lean [my]0-i head against the headrest and ask , “ Do [you]92-jp really think it could work ? ”[0-i] “ Never know until [you]92-jp try , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ And [I]92-jp just want to state for the record one more time about how right [we]3010-we were about this . ”[92-jp] “ Shut the fuck up , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , causing [them]1224-them both to laugh . “ [I]0-i hate [you]92-jp . ”[0-i] “ No , [you]92-jp do n’t , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ [You]92-jp just hate that [we]3010-we ’re always right . ”[92-jp] “ Yeah , that too . Okay , [Birdy]118-birdy is here for [our]3010-we hike . Got to go . ”[0-i] “ Be gentle with [her]118-birdy , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ No , [I]92-jp thought [I]92-jp would kick dirt at [her]118-birdy and tell [her]118-birdy to get lost . ”[92-jp] “ Not recommended , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp adds right before [I]0-i say bye and end the call . [I]0-i look out the window where [Birdy]118-birdy steps out of [[her]118-birdy white SUV]878-her white suv wearing a matching set of maroon biking shorts and sports bra . And from where [I]0-i ’m sitting , [I]0-i can see a small bird pattern on them . Fuck . [I]0-i squeeze [my]0-i eyes shut again . [I]0-i do n’t want to make [her]118-birdy feel bad . But [I]0-i ’m going to . There ’s no way around it . [She]118-birdy definitely thinks [we]1226-we ’re about to have a fun birdwatching hike . How do [I]0-i tell [her]118-birdy otherwise ? Grumbling to [myself]0-i , [I]0-i get out of [[my]0-i car]1105-my car just as [Birdy]118-birdy steps up . “ Hey , [you]0-i , ”[118-birdy] [she]118-birdy says in a cheery voice just as [her]118-birdy hand lands on [my]0-i chest , and [she]118-birdy stands on [her]118-birdy toes to press a kiss to [my]0-i jaw . “ How are [you]0-i ? ”[118-birdy] Fucking awful . “ Good . ”[0-i] [I]0-i tack on a smile . “ Uh , [I]0-i like [your]118-birdy outfit , very themed for birdwatching . ”[0-i] “ [I]118-birdy told [you]0-i it was good . ”[118-birdy] [She]118-birdy beams up at [me]0-i , and [I]0-i realize [I]0-i must tell [her]118-birdy now . [I]0-i ca n’t go on this hike and pretend everything is fine and then tell [her]118-birdy after . That would be brutal . [She]118-birdy must sense [my]0-i uneasiness because [she]118-birdy asks , “ Is everything okay ? ”[118-birdy] [I]0-i pull on [my]0-i hair and shake [my]0-i head . “ No . ”[118-birdy] “ Oh , what ’s going on ? ”[0-i] “ Come talk with [me]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i take [her]118-birdy hand in [mine]0-i and lead [her]118-birdy around to the back of [[my]0-i SUV]1228-my suv and open the trunk . [I]0-i take a seat , and [she]118-birdy does the same . “ [I]118-birdy ’ve been [a fucking idiot]3011-a fucking idiot , [Birdy]118-birdy , and [I]118-birdy dragged [you]118-birdy into [my]118-birdy idiocy . ”[118-birdy] “ What do [you]0-i mean ? ”[118-birdy] [she]118-birdy asks . [I]0-i look up at [her]118-birdy and say , “ [I]0-i like [someone else]2722-someone else , and [I]0-i thought that maybe if [I]0-i just ignored it , [I]0-i would n’t think about it . But it ’s become more and more clear that [I]0-i like [this person]3013-this person , and [I]0-i do n’t want to lead [you]118-birdy on . ”[0-i] “ Oh , ”[118-birdy] [she]118-birdy says , looking down at [her]118-birdy hands and making [me]0-i feel like the absolute shithead that [I]0-i am . “ [I]118-birdy ’m guessing it ’s [Lia]168-lia , is n’t it ? ”[118-birdy] [I]0-i could deny it , but what ’s the point in lying ? “ Yeah , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say softly . “ Like [I]0-i said , it ’s really fucked up , and [I]0-i ca n’t pretend the feelings are n’t there while [I]0-i try to date [you]118-birdy at the same time . It would n’t be fair . ”[0-i] “ [I]118-birdy appreciate that , ”[118-birdy] [she]118-birdy says softly and then asks , “ Does [she]118-birdy know ? ”[118-birdy] “ No , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say quickly . “ Not even a clue . ”[0-i] “ Are [you]0-i going to go for it ? ”[118-birdy] When [her]118-birdy eyes connect with [mine]0-i , [I]0-i realize at that moment who [I]0-i ’m talking to , who set [me]0-i up with [her]118-birdy . [Brian]100-brian . Fuck . “ Uh . . . no , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer , but the lie even sounds stupid to [my]0-i ears . “ [I]118-birdy wo n’t say anything , ”[118-birdy] [she]118-birdy says . “ [I]118-birdy do n’t care for [Brian]100-brian all that much . [I]118-birdy think [he]3014-he ’s a tool , and honestly , [I]118-birdy think [Lia]168-lia could do better . [I]118-birdy do n’t know what [she]168-lia sees in [him]3014-he . ”[118-birdy] “ [Me]0-i either , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say softly . “ [You]0-i should go for it , ”[0-i] [Birdy]118-birdy says . “ [[You]0-i two]2100-you two have such a strong connection . ”[118-birdy] “ That ’s nice of [you]0-i , but [you]0-i do n’t have to talk about this . [I]118-birdy know it ’s got to be weird . ”[118-birdy] “ Sure , it ’s weird , and am [I]118-birdy disappointed ? Of course . [I]118-birdy think [you]0-i ’re amazing , [Breaker]68-breaker , and if [you]0-i asked [me]118-birdy out on a date , [I]118-birdy would one hundred percent go , but [I]118-birdy also know when [a guy]2422-a guy is n’t interested or is hung up on [someone else]2722-someone else . [I]118-birdy had a feeling that might be the case . [I]118-birdy could just tell by the way [[you]0-i two]2100-you two interacted and the way [you]0-i spoke about [her]3019-her . Something is there , and [I]118-birdy really think [you]0-i should try to figure it out . ”[118-birdy] “ But [she]3019-her ’s getting married in four weeks . Does n’t that make [me]118-birdy look like [a giant ass]3020-a giant ass ? Like [I]118-birdy could n’t have figured this out sooner ? Now [I]118-birdy ’m going to come swooping in and tell [her]3019-her how [I]118-birdy feel ? It does n’t seem appropriate . ”[118-birdy] “ Not sure there is a standard for an appropriate time to tell someone [you]0-i love [them]3021-them . But the last thing [you]0-i want to do is not tell [her]3019-her and regret it forever . ”[118-birdy] “ That ’s what [[my]118-birdy brothers]317-my brothers said . ”[118-birdy] “ Did [they]317-my brothers also say [I]118-birdy told [you]0-i so ? Seems like something [they]317-my brothers would pick up on . ”[118-birdy] “ Yeah , pretty sure [everyone]2071-everyone picked up on it besides [Lia]168-lia and [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh heavily . “ Jesus , [Birdy]118-birdy , [I]0-i ’m just so sorry . ”[0-i] “ Do n’t be . ”[118-birdy] [She]1229-i takes [my]0-i hand in [hers]1229-i . “ [I]1229-i ’d rather [you]0-i tell [me]1229-i the truth . Frankly , this might be the most real conversation [I]1229-i ’ve ever had , and [I]1229-i appreciate it . ”[1229-i] “ Well , thanks for being so cool about it . ”[0-i] “ Do [you]0-i still want to go on a hike ? Maybe [we]3024-we can talk about [Lia]168-lia , and [I]0-i can help [you]0-i . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i do n’t want to do that . ”[1229-i] “ [I]1229-i do , ”[1229-i] [she]1229-i says convincingly . “ [I]1229-i ’m all about true love , and [I]1229-i think [you]0-i and [Lia]168-lia have that . [She]168-lia just needs to see it too . Plus , [I]1229-i ca n’t waste this outfit . ”[1229-i] “ True , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i hop off the back of the trunk . [I]0-i hold [my]0-i hand out to [her]1229-i and help [her]1229-i down . “ Can [I]0-i give [you]1229-i a hug ? ”[0-i] “ Of course , ”[1229-i] [she]1229-i says as [she]1229-i pulls [me]0-i in . “ Thank [you]0-i for understanding . ”[1229-i] “ Thank [you]0-i for being honest . ”[0-i] When [we]1230-we push away , [she]1229-i says , “ Now , if [you]0-i happen to have [a single friend who is kind , sweet , does n’t hurt to have some looks]3025-a single friend who is kind , sweet , does n’t hurt to have some looks , and can be as honest as [you]0-i , then [I]1229-i would love to meet [him]3025-a single friend who is kind , sweet , does n’t hurt to have some looks . ”[1229-i] “ [You]0-i know . . . [I]1229-i just might have someone in mind for [you]0-i . ”[1229-i] [Her]1229-i eyes light up . “ Really ? ”[1229-i] [I]0-i shut the trunk of [[my]0-i car]1105-my car and nod . “ Yeah , [he]3025-a single friend who is kind , sweet , does n’t hurt to have some looks ’s [a former baseball player]3026-a former baseball player . What do [you]118-birdy think about that ? ”[0-i] “ Um , [I]0-i say yes , please ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle , and [we]1230-we head up toward [the hiking trail]1232-the hiking trail . * * * “ [Goldfinch]178-goldfinch , right ? ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy asks . “ That ’s right , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , feeling like [a proud teacher]1233-a proud teacher . “ Look at [you]0-i getting it after the twelfth time . ”[118-birdy] [She]118-birdy chuckles . “ Well , do n’t say [you]0-i ca n’t teach [me]118-birdy anything . Clearly , [I]118-birdy ’m [a master at birdwatching]3027-a master at birdwatching . ”[118-birdy] “ Clearly . ”[1230-we] [We]1230-we make [our]1230-we way up [the hill]1234-the hill , almost to [the crest]1235-the crest . “ [I]1230-we ’m irritated that [we]1230-we have n’t seen more variety . ”[1230-we] “ Well , [you]118-birdy know , the crow and goldfinch have sealed the deal for [me]118-birdy on this birdwatching thing . [I]118-birdy think [I]118-birdy ’m [an avid fan]3028-an avid fan forever . ”[118-birdy] “ [Your]118-birdy sarcasm is easily detectable . ”[0-i] [I]0-i let [my]0-i binoculars rest on [my]0-i chest . “ If this was a real date , [I]0-i ’d be thoroughly embarrassed by the showing . Here , [I]0-i ’m taking [you]118-birdy on some exotic bird tour , and [we]1230-we find a gaggle of crows and a dozen goldfinches . ”[0-i] “ Could have been worse , could have been just the crows . ”[118-birdy] “ Very true . ”[0-i] When [we]1230-we reach [the crest of [the hill]1234-the hill]1236-the crest of the hill , [we]1230-we pause and take a second to check out the view of [the city]2286-the city . “ Not too bad , ”[118-birdy] [Birdy]118-birdy says as [she]118-birdy finds a boulder and takes a seat on it . “ Care to join [me]118-birdy ? ”[118-birdy] [I]0-i take a seat as well . “ [I]0-i ’m glad [we]1230-we still went on the hike . [I]0-i think it ’s helping clear [my]0-i head . ”[0-i] “ Good , which means [you]118-birdy might be ready and open to talk about all things [Lia]168-lia . ”[118-birdy] “ Ehhh , not sure that ’s the case . ”[118-birdy] [She]118-birdy bumps [her]118-birdy shoulder with [mine]0-i . “ Come on , [I]118-birdy have some insight . [I]118-birdy ’m [a girl]2056-a girl , and [I]118-birdy know [Brian]100-brian . [I]118-birdy could give [you]118-birdy some pointers . ”[118-birdy] “ Yeah ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]0-i guess that would n’t be too bad to maybe . . . see what [you]118-birdy have to say . ”[0-i] “ Glad [you]0-i ’re open to it . ”[118-birdy] [She]118-birdy chuckles . “ First of all , [you]118-birdy need to know [Brian]100-brian ’s weaknesses , and [I]118-birdy will tell [you]118-birdy right now that communication is one of them . [He]3030-he ’s also [a workaholic]3031-a workaholic , [he]3030-he ’s not very thoughtful , and even though [he]3030-he proposed to [Lia]168-lia , it certainly was n’t [his]3030-he idea . It was [[his]3030-he mom]408-his mom ’s because [she]408-his mom was n’t happy with [him]3030-he not being married yet . Do [I]118-birdy think [he]3030-he loves [Lia]168-lia ? Of course , but do [I]118-birdy think [he]3030-he could marry [anyone]2080-anyone ? Also , yes . [I]118-birdy do n’t think the ability to deeply love and be in love with [someone]2072-someone is in [his]3030-he bones . [I]118-birdy ’ve seen it with [[his]3030-he girlfriends]3035-his girlfriends growing up . [They]3035-his girlfriends were more like [accessories]3036-accessories than anything . ”[118-birdy] “ Yeah , [I]0-i got that feeling from [him]3030-he . [He]3030-he and [Lia]168-lia started dating not long after [she]168-lia lost [both of [[her]168-lia parents]522-her parents]3037-both of her parents , and [I]0-i believe there was comfort in having [him]3030-he around for that type of affection [I]0-i could n’t give [her]168-lia . ”[0-i] [I]0-i wince and say , “ Please do n’t say that to [anyone]2080-anyone . [I]0-i do n’t want [Lia]168-lia to find out [I]0-i ’m breaking [her]168-lia trust . ”[0-i] “ Do n’t worry , [Breaker]68-breaker . [I]0-i ’m on [your]68-breaker side . [I]0-i wo n’t say anything . . . especially since [you]68-breaker ’re dangling [a baseball player]3040-a baseball player in front of [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle . “ A good one at that . ”[0-i] “ [I]118-birdy ’m counting on it , but seriously , [I]118-birdy think one of the best things [you]68-breaker can do is be there for [her]168-lia more than [you]68-breaker already are . Knowing [Brian]100-brian ’s relational deficits , why not emphasize [your]68-breaker strengths in those areas ? [She]168-lia knows [you]68-breaker . But is [she]168-lia aware of [the man [you]68-breaker ’d be in a romantic relationship]3041-the man you ’d be in a romantic relationship ? ”[118-birdy] “ That ’s what [[my]118-birdy brothers]317-my brothers said . ”[118-birdy] “ [[Your]118-birdy brothers]2386-your brothers are smart . And do everything with [her]168-lia , maybe even flirt just a touch . ”[118-birdy] “ [I]118-birdy do n’t want to cross the line . ”[118-birdy] “ Then do n’t , but [you]68-breaker should subtly let [her]168-lia know that [you]68-breaker ’re attracted to [her]168-lia . Start hinting at how [you]68-breaker feel so that when [you]68-breaker do tell [her]168-lia , this is n’t a total shock , and [she]168-lia does n’t have some assumption that [you]68-breaker ’re trying to ruin [her]168-lia wedding . Not that [I]118-birdy think [Lia]168-lia would process information that way , but just in case . ”[118-birdy] “ Yeah , that ’s actually really smart . ”[0-i] [I]0-i kick some dirt away . “ Fuck , this feels terrifying . ”[0-i] “ Well , feel free to call [me]118-birdy anytime and ask for advice . [I]118-birdy think [you]68-breaker have a leg up on [Brian]100-brian . The only thing that could hold [you]68-breaker back is [her]168-lia fear of facing the truth . And the truth is , [I]118-birdy do n’t think [she]168-lia truly loves [Brian]100-brian . [I]118-birdy ’ve seen how [she]168-lia interacts with [you]68-breaker and how [she]168-lia interacts with [him]3044-him . There ’s warmth when [you]68-breaker two are together , a connection . [I]118-birdy do n’t see the same thing with [Brian]100-brian . ”[118-birdy] “ [I]0-i do n’t either . ”[0-i] [I]0-i drape [my]0-i arm over [Birdy]118-birdy ’s shoulder and say , “ [We]3045-we ’re going to have to stay in touch , [you]118-birdy know . [I]0-i really appreciate [your]118-birdy honesty and help right now . ”[0-i] And hope [I]0-i ’m not putting [my]0-i trust in [the wrong person]1239-the wrong person . “ Just promise [me]1239-the wrong person , when [you]68-breaker two get married , because [I]1239-the wrong person know it ’s going to happen , invite [me]1239-the wrong person and offer [me]1239-the wrong person a plus - one . ”[1239-the wrong person] That ’s something [I]0-i can do . “ [I]1239-the wrong person very well might dedicate a toast to [you]118-birdy if this all works out . [You]118-birdy gave [me]1239-the wrong person a bout of confidence [I]1239-the wrong person was n’t feeling this morning . ”[1239-the wrong person] “ If [you]118-birdy ever need [someone]2072-someone to pump [you]118-birdy up for overtaking [Brian]100-brian , [I]1239-the wrong person ’m [[your]118-birdy girl]2154-your girl . [He]352-a douche might have introduced [you]118-birdy to [me]1239-the wrong person , but [he]352-a douche still is [an idiot]1009-an idiot . ”[1239-the wrong person] “ Yup , ca n’t disagree with [you]118-birdy there . ”[1240-we] [We]1240-we both laugh and then stand from the boulder . [I]0-i was right all along . [Brian]100-brian is [a douche]352-a douche . “ Shall [we]1240-we head back ? The birds are letting [us]1240-we down today , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Yes , and [we]1240-we can go over all the ways [you]118-birdy can be flirtatious without crossing the line . It ’s time for the Win [Your]118-birdy Girl Bootcamp . [You]1242-you in ? ”[0-i] “ Teach [me]168-lia all the things , [wise one]3049-wise one . ”[168-lia] * * * Breaker : Stopped by [Masala Palace]30-masala palace and grabbed some chicken tikka , [reshmi kabab]179-reshmi kabab , [paneer korma]180-paneer korma , and garlic naan . [You]1242-you in ? [Lia]168-lia : Are [you]1243-you kidding [me]0-i ? [I]0-i think [I]0-i just drooled reading that text message . [I]0-i ’m [home]373-home , want [me]0-i to prepare the gameboard and table ? Breaker : Obviously . [Lia]168-lia : On it . Please choose [your]0-i Plunder ship color . Breaker : Why are [you]168-lia asking ? [You]168-lia know [I]0-i ’m always green . [Lia]168-lia : [You]0-i ’ve lost the last three times , so [I]0-i did n’t know if [you]0-i wanted to change it up . Maybe switch [your]0-i luck . [Breaker]68-breaker : Green for life . [Lia]168-lia : Okay , prepare to be annihilated . Also , [I]0-i have a surprise to show [you]0-i when [you]0-i get [here]249-here . Breaker : Yeah , does this surprise happen to be one of the things [you]168-lia ’re checking off [your]168-lia list ? [Lia]168-lia : Yes . Breaker : Well , [I]0-i ca n’t wait . See [you]168-lia soon . * * * Food in hand , [I]0-i step off [the elevator of [[our]1247-our apartment building]1248-our apartment building]1246-the elevator of our apartment building and head right to [my]0-i front door . After Birdy and [I]0-i made it down [the hill]1234-the hill , [I]0-i gave [her]168-lia a hug goodbye and then traveled back up [the hill]1234-the hill [myself]0-i , this time thinking about everything . Letting [my]0-i mind wander , [my]0-i mind process , ruminating on [my]0-i true thoughts and feelings . First and foremost , [I]0-i love [her]168-lia . [I]0-i let that sink in . [I]0-i let [myself]0-i sit in [my]0-i feelings and understand them . [Lia]168-lia is [the most precious person in [my]0-i life]1251-the most precious person in my life . [She]168-lia ’s [my]0-i ride or die . [She]168-lia means everything to [me]0-i . [She]168-lia ’s [[my]0-i girl]2155-my girl . After [I]0-i let [myself]0-i accept that , [I]0-i went on to accept that [everyone]2071-everyone is right . [I]0-i need to tell [her]168-lia about [my]0-i feelings , but [I]0-i need to ease [her]168-lia into it . It might scare [her]168-lia if [I]0-i jump out at [her]168-lia with these feelings . Also , [I]0-i need to give [her]168-lia time to check [her]168-lia goals off [her]168-lia list . [I]0-i do n’t want to get in the way of that . [I]0-i want [her]168-lia at [her]168-lia best when [I]0-i approach [her]168-lia with [my]0-i feelings , which will give [her]168-lia time to adjust to the new way [I]0-i ’ll approach [our]1254-our friendship . After some time up on [the hill]1234-the hill and just living in the moment , [I]0-i made [my]0-i way back down again and ordered food , knowing [Lia]168-lia would n’t be able to say no to Indian food . It ’s one of [her]168-lia absolute favorites . With excitement in [my]0-i chest , [I]0-i reach [my]0-i door , turn the knob , and enter , half expecting [Lia]168-lia to be standing there , waiting for [me]0-i . When [she]168-lia ’s not , [I]0-i call out , “ Hey , [I]0-i ’m here . ”[0-i] “ In [the bedroom]1154-the bedroom , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says . “ Come here . ”[168-lia] Confused but also excited , [I]0-i drop the food off at the table and make [my]0-i way to [[my]0-i bedroom]496-my bedroom , where the door is cracked open . Whatever [she]168-lia wants to show [me]0-i , [she]168-lia sure is making a big deal about it — which [I]0-i love . [I]0-i push the door open and glance in . That ’s where [I]0-i find [Lia]168-lia standing in the middle of [the bedroom]1154-the bedroom , [her]168-lia hands clasped together in front of [her]168-lia . [She]168-lia ’s wearing a pair of leggings and a crop top — not [her]168-lia normal type of shirt since it shows off a touch of [her]168-lia stomach , but it looks great on [her]168-lia . Really good on [her]168-lia , but that ’s not what ’s gathering [my]0-i attention . Nope . It ’s that [her]168-lia long red hair has been cut and dyed . Thin blonde streaks are woven through [her]168-lia hair that now sits just above [her]168-lia shoulders , with long flowy bangs and messy curls that fit [her]168-lia personality so well . “ Holy . . . shit . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia is wearing a large smile as [she]168-lia says , “ Do [you]0-i like it ? ”[168-lia] “ Ophelia , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper while [I]0-i take a step forward . “ [Jesus Christ]90-jesus christ , [you]168-lia look hot . ”[0-i] [Her]168-lia smile glows even brighter . “ Really ? ”[168-lia] [I]0-i close the space between [us]1258-us and reach out to touch [her]168-lia short locks . “ Yeah , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say breathlessly . “ It ’s a little spunky , but [I]0-i feel like [a new woman with all that hair lifted off [me]0-i]3051-a new woman with all that hair lifted off me , and [I]0-i thought the highlights would be fun , but [I]0-i kept them minimal because [I]0-i still like [my]0-i red hair . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take [her]168-lia all in as [my]0-i heart beats wildly in [my]0-i chest . Jesus fuck , [she]168-lia was gorgeous before , but now , [I]0-i do n’t know if [I]0-i ’ll be able to keep [my]0-i hands to [myself]0-i . And before [I]0-i can stop [myself]0-i , [I]0-i tell [her]168-lia exactly what ’s on [my]0-i mind . “ [You]168-lia look fucking sexy . Not that [you]168-lia did n’t before , but [Jesus fuck]90-jesus christ , [Lia]168-lia . [You]168-lia look so fucking incredible . [I]0-i love it . ”[0-i] “ Thank [you]0-i , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says , a light blush staining [her]168-lia cheeks . “ [I]168-lia sent a picture to [Brian]100-brian , still waiting to hear back from [him]1259-he . [I]168-lia hope [he]1259-he likes it as much as [you]0-i do . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i bet the fuck [he]1259-he does . But [I]0-i do n’t fucking care . “ [He]1259-he will , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , still touching [her]168-lia hair as this wave of lust pours through [me]0-i . [I]0-i want to sift [my]0-i hand through [her]168-lia hair . [I]0-i want to pull [her]168-lia close . [I]0-i want to slip [my]0-i hand under [her]168-lia crop top . [I]0-i want to show [her]168-lia just how much this transformation turns [me]0-i on . And it ’s not just how [she]168-lia looks . It ’s [her]168-lia confidence , [her]168-lia smile , and how proud [she]168-lia is of [herself]168-lia . [I]0-i want to pin [her]168-lia to [my]0-i bed and run [my]0-i mouth up and down [her]168-lia neck . “ And the outfit , it ’s not too much , is it ? [I]0-i thought [I]0-i ’d try something new . ”[0-i] [I]0-i look down at [her]168-lia crop top and the hint of [her]168-lia lace bra strap lining [her]168-lia shoulder as [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ No , not at all . [You]168-lia look really fucking amazing , [Ophelia]70-ophelia . ”[0-i] “ Ooo , [two Ophelias]3052-two ophelias . [You]168-lia must really approve . ”[0-i] [I]0-i swallow as [I]0-i squeak out , “ Yeah , [I]0-i do . ”[0-i] [I]0-i approve so much that [I]0-i ’m struggling to remind [myself]0-i that [she]168-lia ’s engaged , and that [I]0-i need to take this slow . That [I]0-i ca n’t touch [her]168-lia the way [I]0-i want to . Pulling it slightly together , [I]0-i ask , “ But more importantly , how do [you]168-lia feel ? ”[0-i] “ Well , after [your]168-lia reaction , [I]0-i feel really sexy . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i should . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’m just excited to see what [Brian]100-brian has to say . ”[0-i] Ah , yes , [we]1260-we ’re all waiting on bated breath for [Brian]100-brian ’s reaction . Did [you]1261-you hear the sarcasm in that ? From [the kitchen]497-the kitchen , [her]168-lia phone rings , and [she]168-lia glances up at [me]0-i . “ Speak of the devil . [I]168-lia bet that ’s [him]3053-him . [I]168-lia ’ll answer , and [you]0-i can divvy out the food . Do n’t hoard the garlic naan . ”[168-lia] “ Would n’t dream of it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [she]168-lia moves past [me]0-i , and [my]0-i eyes follow , falling straight to [her]168-lia rear end . Fuck , would [you]1261-you look at that ? Bubbly , pert , all shown off in [her]168-lia skintight pants . [I]0-i swear [the universe]1263-the universe is testing [me]0-i and will decide [my]0-i fate on how [I]0-i can control [myself]0-i in this situation . [[My]0-i best friend , who [I]0-i ’ve always thought was incredible]1264-my best friend , who i ’ve always thought was incredible , turned into a smokeshow in a few short hours . [I]0-i reluctantly remove [my]0-i eyes from [her]168-lia ass and fall in step behind [her]168-lia . While [she]168-lia reaches for [her]168-lia phone , [I]0-i open up the bag of Indian food while [my]0-i eyes casually drift in [her]168-lia direction , taking another opportunity to check [her]168-lia out . Even [her]168-lia tits look incredible in that shirt . Yup , [the universe]1263-the universe is testing [me]0-i for sure . “ Hey , [Brian]100-brian , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says cheerfully . “ How are [you]100-brian ? ”[168-lia] [I]0-i try to block out [her]168-lia conversation because [I]0-i do n’t want to hear [him]0-i tell [her]168-lia how much [he]0-i loves [her]168-lia new hair , so [I]0-i focus on dividing up [our]1266-our food . That ’s until [I]0-i hear [her]168-lia say , “ What ? [You]0-i do n’t like it ? ”[168-lia] That snaps [me]0-i to attention . [I]0-i forget all about the food and focus on [her]168-lia instead . The confidence — which was propping [her]168-lia chest out only a few moments earlier — vanishes . [Her]168-lia beautiful smile that had stretched from ear to ear falters . And [I]0-i can feel the pained disappointment in [her]168-lia voice as [she]168-lia lowers [her]168-lia voice to reply . “ [I]168-lia wanted a change , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says . “ Because [I]168-lia was n’t feeling [myself]168-lia . Yes , [I]168-lia feel like [myself]168-lia now . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia pauses and then turns away from [me]0-i . “ [Brian]100-brian , can [we]3054-we talk about this later ? ”[168-lia] Another pause and then , “ For how long ? A week ? [I]168-lia mean , it ’s not like [I]168-lia can stop [you]100-brian , right ? Business is business . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i crumple the paper bag in [my]0-i hand as [I]0-i continue to listen , [my]0-i hatred for [the man]260-the man growing stronger . “ Yes , but [we]3054-we ’re supposed to get married shortly . It would be nice if [you]260-the man were [here]249-here . ”[0-i] It would be great if [he]260-the man was n’t . “ Okay , fine . Yeah , talk to [you]260-the man later . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia hangs up and drops the phone to the side of [her]168-lia . [I]0-i wait a few moments , and when [I]0-i notice [she]168-lia ’s not going to move , [I]0-i decide to move to [her]168-lia . [I]0-i sit down next to [her]168-lia on the couch , lift [her]168-lia eyes so [she]168-lia ’s looking at [me]0-i , and that ’s when [I]0-i notice the tears . [I]0-i ’m going to fucking kill [him]260-the man . “ [I]168-lia ’m sure [you]0-i got the gist of that conversation , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says . “ But [he]260-the man did n’t like [my]168-lia hair . Said it was a mistake . ”[168-lia] Yup , murder is in [his]260-the man future . “ [He]260-the man ’s wrong , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i cup [her]168-lia cheek and swipe the tears away . “ [He]260-the man ’s so fucking wrong because the moment [I]0-i saw [you]168-lia , [my]0-i heart skipped a beat , [Lia]168-lia . [You]168-lia look gorgeous . So fucking stunning that [I]0-i had to remind [myself]0-i that [you]168-lia ’re [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i ’re just saying that . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia shakes [her]168-lia head . “ [I]0-i ’m not , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [my]0-i eyes fall to [her]168-lia lips and then back to [her]168-lia eyes . “ [I]0-i ’d never just say something to appease [you]168-lia . [Brian]100-brian is [an idiot]1009-an idiot because the fact that [he]1268-he ca n’t see how [you]168-lia shine with this new hair , ca n’t see [your]168-lia confidence , is [his]1268-he loss . ”[0-i] “ [He]1268-he thinks [[his]1268-he mom]408-his mom is going to be really mad . ”[0-i] Who the fuck cares ? Is [he]1268-he still attached by [his]1268-he umbilical cord , or what ? “ Good , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [I]0-i hope [she]408-his mom is mad . Gives [us]3059-us more fodder to fuck around with [her]408-his mom . ”[0-i] [She]168-lia lightly chuckles . “ [He]1268-he ’s also going to be gone for a week , maybe more . [I]168-lia guess what [he]1268-he ’s dealing with in [San Jose]29-san jose requires more attention than [he]1268-he initially thought , so that ’s great . Not like [we]3059-us ’re getting married or anything . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia sighs . “ [God]103-god , why did [he]1268-he have to be such [an ass]3060-an ass ? Maybe [he]1268-he ’s stressed . ”[168-lia] “ Being stressed does not give [anyone]2080-anyone an excuse to be [a dick]2704-a dick . And [he]1268-he was [a dick]2704-a dick . Flat out . [I]168-lia need [you]168-lia to realize that . What [he]1268-he did was an inexcusable dick move . Do [you]168-lia hear [me]168-lia ? ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia blinks and then nods . “ Yes . ”[168-lia] “ Good . Now , [we]3064-we ’re going to forget that just happened because [we]3064-we have a fun night planned , and [I]168-lia ’m not going to allow [him]1268-he to ruin that . Understood ? ”[168-lia] “ Yes , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says again , and then [she]168-lia falls into [my]0-i chest . [I]0-i wrap [my]0-i arms around [her]168-lia and let [her]168-lia cry it out for a few more minutes . All the while , [I]0-i think about what [I]0-i would have done if [Brian]100-brian dismissed [her]168-lia boldness in person . * * * “ [You]168-lia ’ve barely touched [your]168-lia naan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ That ’s unacceptable . ”[0-i] “ [I]168-lia ’m sorry , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says , pushing it to the side . “ [I]168-lia ’m just . . . not in the mood . ”[168-lia] “ Is that why [we]3065-we have n’t started playing Plunder ? ”[0-i] “ Maybe [I]0-i should go back to [[my]0-i place]473-my place . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , okay , as if [I]0-i would let [you]168-lia do that , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ With that frown [you]168-lia ca n’t seem to shake , no way would [I]0-i allow [you]168-lia to just sulk away . Nah , sorry , [you]168-lia ’re here with [me]0-i for the rest of the night . ”[0-i] [Her]168-lia eyes well up again , [her]168-lia lips tremble , and [I]0-i tug on [her]168-lia hand to sit on [my]0-i lap right as [she]168-lia bursts into tears again . * * * “ [I]168-lia ’m sorry about all of this , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says quietly as [we]1269-we sit on [my]0-i couch , watching old reruns of Family Feud . After [she]168-lia ate a few more bites of [her]168-lia food , [we]1269-we packed everything up in containers and stuck it in the fridge . Since [she]168-lia was n’t in the mood for a board game , [we]1269-we both took a seat on the couch , where [we]1269-we ’ve been mindlessly watching reruns ever since . [I]0-i ’ve wanted to pull [her]168-lia in close several times , to stretch [her]168-lia legs across [mine]0-i , to massage [her]168-lia feet , to do anything to touch [her]168-lia , and to make [her]168-lia feel better . “ Do n’t apologize , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [I]0-i know , but [I]0-i did n’t even ask [you]168-lia how [your]168-lia date with [Birdy]118-birdy was . [I]0-i just kind of bogarted the night with [my]0-i issues . ”[0-i] “ [You]168-lia did n’t bogart anything . [You]168-lia have the right to be upset . [Brian]100-brian let [you]168-lia down , and [you]168-lia need to work through those feelings . There ’s nothing to apologize for . ”[0-i] “ Still . . . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia turns toward [me]0-i now . “ How was birdwatching with [Birdy]118-birdy ? ”[168-lia] [I]0-i shrug casually , keeping [my]0-i eyes on the TV as [I]0-i say , “ [We]3067-we decided just to be [friends]2146-friends . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks . “ Why ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug again . “ Just do n’t think [I]0-i was into it like [she]118-birdy was . ”[0-i] “ And [she]118-birdy was okay with that ? [She]118-birdy said [she]118-birdy was so excited about meeting [you]0-i . ”[0-i] “ [She]118-birdy was , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ [We]3067-we had a real honest conversation about it , actually . [She]118-birdy could tell [I]0-i was n’t feeling it and said it was okay . [She]118-birdy ’d rather know now than have [me]0-i drag things on . [We]3067-we still went on a hike together . Did some talking , and [I]0-i told [her]118-birdy [I]0-i would hook [her]118-birdy up with [one of [[my]0-i friends who [I]0-i think would be perfect for [her]118-birdy]3070-my friends who i think would be perfect for her]3069-one of my friends who i think would be perfect for her . ”[0-i] “ Who ? ”[1270-her] [she]1270-her asks as [her]1270-her lips lightly turn up . “ [Penn]181-penn . ”[1270-her] Momentarily forgetting [her]1270-her woes , [Lia]168-lia leans over and grips [my]0-i forearm . “ Oh my God , [Breaker]68-breaker , [they]3067-we would make [the cutest couple]3071-the cutest couple . ”[168-lia] “ [I]0-i think so , plus [Penn]181-penn is really honest , and is [the kind of guy [she]118-birdy ’s looking for]3072-the kind of guy she ’s looking for . ”[0-i] “ Is [he]181-penn dating ? ”[168-lia] “ [I]168-lia think so , just has n’t found anyone [he]181-penn wants to be serious about . [I]168-lia think that could be [Birdy]118-birdy . ”[168-lia] “ Well , look at [you]0-i being [a matchmaker]3073-a matchmaker . [I]168-lia ’m sorry it did n’t work out , though , [I]168-lia thought [you]0-i were looking for that kind of relationship , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says . “ [I]168-lia was , but [she]168-lia was n’t what [I]168-lia wanted . ”[168-lia] “ What do [you]0-i want ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks . [You]1271-you . Everything about [you]1271-you . [Your]1271-you soul . [Your]1271-you mind . [Your]1271-you heart . [Your]1271-you body . [I]0-i want all of [you]1271-you , every last fucking inch of [you]1271-you . “ Still processing that . [I]0-i ’ll let [you]168-lia know when [I]0-i ’m ready . ”[0-i] “ Oh , [you]0-i have an idea ? ”[0-i] “ Yes , [I]0-i have an exact idea , but it ’s going to take some finagling , so let ’s put this conversation on pause . ”[0-i] “ Okay , that ’s not evasive at all . ”[0-i] “ Not at all . ”[0-i] [I]0-i wink , which causes [her]168-lia to push [me]0-i with [her]168-lia foot . “ That ’s annoying . ”[168-lia] “ At least [we]3074-we ’ve moved past [Brian]100-brian being [a dumbass]3075-a dumbass . ”[0-i] [She]168-lia leans against the back of the couch . “ [He]3076-he really was being [a dumbass]3075-a dumbass , was n’t [he]3076-he ? ”[168-lia] “ [He]3076-he was because from where [I]168-lia sit , [he]3076-he ’s completely missed the fact that [you]0-i ’re [a total smokeshow with that hair]3078-a total smokeshow with that hair . ”[168-lia] “ Smokeshow , huh ? What was [I]168-lia before ? ”[168-lia] “ A smokeshow , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ But without confidence . This new haircut just makes [you]0-i shine brighter . ”[0-i] “ [I]168-lia was feeling really confident . ”[168-lia] “ [He]3076-he ’s [a certified troll]3079-a certified troll for saying anything negative . Bet [you]0-i [he]3076-he thinks [you]0-i ’re too hot now , like [you]0-i ’re out of [his]3076-he league , and [he]3076-he ’s worried [you]0-i might wander off . ”[168-lia] “ Well , if [he]3076-he keeps acting like [an ass]3060-an ass , [I]168-lia very well might . ”[168-lia] That ’s the spirit . [Wander]182-wander off , straight into [my]0-i arms . Not wanting to push the subject , [I]0-i turn back to the TV and say , “ Are [we]3081-we going to apply to be on Family Feud again this year ? [We]3081-we have [Kelsey]113-kelsey and [Lottie]96-lottie , who [we]3081-we can add to [the team]2353-the team , as well as [JP]92-jp , so [I]0-i think the odds are in [our]3081-we favor . [Kelsey]113-kelsey would have precise answers , [JP]92-jp would have the funny covered , and [Lottie]96-lottie will cover the wildcard topic . ”[0-i] “ [We]3081-we ’ll never get picked . ”[168-lia] “ That ’s not the kind of attitude [I]168-lia like to hear . [We]3081-we must manifest this shit . Come on , [we]3081-we were born to be on [Family Feud]3083-family feud . [You]0-i and [me]168-lia during fast money ? [We]3081-we ’d annihilate . [Steve Harvey]183-steve harvey would n’t know what to do with [himself]183-steve harvey because [we]3081-we ’d destroy it . And who knows , [I]168-lia ’m not opposed to paying [people off to get on the show]3084-people off to get on the show . ”[168-lia] “ [I]0-i told [you]1272-you , [we]3081-we ’ll get on the show on [our]3081-we own merit , not what number [you]1272-you can write down in [your]1272-you checkbook . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , but the checkbook would be a surefire way to make it happen . ”[168-lia] “ Where are [your]1272-you morals , [Breaker Cane]68-breaker ? ”[168-lia] “ Iffy at best when it comes to Family Feud . ”[0-i] “ [I]1272-you can see that . ”[1272-you] Growing more serious , [she]1272-you says , “ Thanks for hanging out with [me]1272-you tonight , and being [[my]1272-you own personal hype man]3085-my own personal hype man about [my]1272-you hair and [my]1272-you outfit . It truly did make [me]1272-you feel special . ”[1272-you] “ Well , [you]1272-you should feel special . Because [you]1272-you are . [I]0-i ’ll hype [you]1272-you all day , every day . ”[0-i] “ And that is why [you]1274-you are [[my]1272-you best friend]2156-my best friend , ”[1272-you] [she]1272-you says . Yeah , if only [I]0-i was so much more . Chapter Thirteen [LIA Lia]1273-lia lia : What are [you]1274-you doing ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Staring at [my]0-i ceiling , dreading having to go to [[[my]0-i brother]2721-my brother ’s house]1276-my brother ’s house . [Lia]168-lia : Sunday brunch ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Yes , but all [they]1277-they ’re going to do is fawn all over [[their]1277-they wives]916-their wives while [I]0-i sit there with a mediocre Bloody Mary in hand , watching [them]916-their wives . [Lia]168-lia : Oh , funny thing . . . [I]0-i like [mediocre Bloody Marys]1279-mediocre bloody marys . [Breaker]68-breaker : Is this [your]168-lia way of inviting [yourself]168-lia ? [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i need [more friends]1280-more friends ! [I]0-i need [girl friends]1281-girl friends , to be precise . [Lottie]96-lottie and [Kelsey]113-kelsey seem cool , and if [they]1277-they ’re going to be on [[our]1282-our Family Feud team]1283-our family feud team , then [I]0-i need to get to know [them]1277-they . [Breaker]68-breaker : So [you]168-lia are inviting [yourself]168-lia ? [Lia]168-lia : Please . . . [Pickle]68-breaker . Breaker : Ugh , fine , but [I]0-i swear to [God]103-god , [Lia]168-lia , if [you]168-lia start spouting off embarrassing shit about [me]0-i like [you]168-lia did at the last brunch before [the wives]1284-the wives were around , [I]0-i ’m going to kick [you]168-lia right in the crotch . [Lia]168-lia : Oh no , not a kick to the crotch . * shivers * Breaker : Yeah , a giant old foot right to the camel toe . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i had a camel toe ONCE ! Do not use that against [me]0-i . [Breaker]68-breaker : [I]0-i can still see it like it was yesterday . . . [Lia]168-lia : And [you]68-breaker were saying [you]68-breaker do n’t WANT [me]0-i to say anything embarrassing about [you]68-breaker to [[your]68-breaker brothers]2386-your brothers . . . [Breaker]68-breaker : Oh , would [you]168-lia look at that ? The camel - toe image vanished . [Lia]168-lia : Funny how that works . When do [I]0-i need to be ready ? Breaker : [I]0-i leave in twenty . Dress slutty . [Lia]168-lia : Slutty ? Why ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Might be fun to send [Brian]100-brian another picture . [Lia]168-lia : Too soon , Breaker , too soon . [Breaker]68-breaker : [LOL]156-lol , noted . See [you]68-breaker in twenty . * * * “ [I]0-i need to buy some of [your]168-lia cologne , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [we]1286-we pull up to [[Huxley]92-jp ’s place]1287-huxley ’s place , [a large white coastal - style house with black - framed windows and accents]1288-a large white coastal - style house with black - framed windows and accents . [It]1288-a large white coastal - style house with black - framed windows and accents ’s beautiful with [its]1288-a large white coastal - style house with black - framed windows and accents manicured lawns and fresh flower boxes under the window . [Picturesque]32-picturesque . [The type of house [I]0-i ’d want one day]1289-the type of house i ’d want one day . “ Why do [you]68-breaker need to buy some of [my]68-breaker cologne ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker asks as [he]68-breaker parks in [the circular driveway]1290-the circular driveway . “ It smells sublime . [I]68-breaker think [I]68-breaker want it for [myself]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i ca n’t wear [my]68-breaker cologne , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , giving [me]0-i a strange look . “ Why the hell not ? ”[68-breaker] “ Because [we]3087-we ca n’t smell like [each other]288-each other . Besides , [I]68-breaker like the smell of [your]68-breaker perfume . [Viktor]184-viktor & [Rolf]185-rolf really suits [you]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] “ It ’s scary how [you]68-breaker remember [my]68-breaker perfume . [I]68-breaker ’m not sure [Brian]100-brian could even describe the scent to [me]68-breaker if [I]68-breaker asked [him]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] “ A subtle combination of rose , jasmine , and orchid , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , [his]68-breaker eyes landing on [me]0-i . And then [we]1291-we stare at [each other]288-each other for a few seconds , in [the car]316-the car , with [the world]616-the world whipping around [us]1291-we . How does [he]68-breaker know that ? [I]0-i would n’t be that precise with the way it smells , yet , [Breaker]68-breaker knows everything . Every last thing about [me]0-i . [He]68-breaker knows that when [I]0-i get [my]0-i period , [I]0-i get horrible migraines , and [he]68-breaker ’s always there with Ibuprofen , caffeine , and [Sour Patch Kids]186-sour patch kids . [He]68-breaker knows that [I]0-i ’m not that big on working out , but that sometimes [I]0-i get in moods of wanting to work out , so [he]68-breaker always has a variety of classes [I]0-i can join when [I]0-i come to [him]68-breaker . [He]68-breaker keeps them in a note in [his]68-breaker phone . [He]68-breaker knows that without even having to ask , [he]68-breaker buys Comic Con VIP tickets for [us]1295-our and thinks up [our]1295-our costume ideas because [I]0-i love going . Still , [I]0-i ca n’t handle the stress of it all , and [I]0-i ’d rather be told what to wear and when than to figure it out [myself]0-i . And apparently , [he]68-breaker knows exactly what [I]0-i smell like . Notes and all . Not sure [I]0-i could say the same about [Brian]100-brian . Then again , like [Brian]100-brian said , [we]1295-our have [our]1295-our entire lives to figure it all out . So why does that sentiment feel sour on [my]0-i tongue now ? “ Come on , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says while opening [his]68-breaker car door . “ [I]68-breaker ’m starving , and [they]3089-they ’re serving make - [your]0-i - own breakfast tacos . ”[68-breaker] Shaking [my]0-i head from any thoughts of [Brian]100-brian , [I]0-i open [my]0-i door as well , just as [Breaker]68-breaker moves around [[his]68-breaker car]309-his car and grabs the door for [me]0-i . “ What are [you]68-breaker doing ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , looking up at [him]68-breaker as [my]0-i hand slides into [his]68-breaker . “ Helping [you]68-breaker out . ”[0-i] “ Why would [I]0-i need help ? ”[0-i] “ Uh , [I]0-i do n’t know . . . [you]68-breaker do n’t wear dresses often , so [I]0-i was n’t sure if [you]68-breaker knew how to walk in one . ”[0-i] [I]0-i press [my]0-i palm to [his]68-breaker face , which causes [him]68-breaker to laugh and pull away . “ Ca n’t [a guy]2422-a guy be [a gentleman]2300-a gentleman without being chastised about it ? ”[0-i] “ Ca n’t [a girl]2056-a girl wear a dress without being teased about it ? ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker teasing falls flat right before [he]68-breaker says , “ [You]0-i can , and if [I]68-breaker did n’t say it before , [you]0-i look beautiful , [Lia]168-lia . ”[68-breaker] [Those]68-breaker bright blue eyes stare back at [me]0-i , sincerity so heavy that it almost feels . . . real . Like [him]68-breaker holding [my]0-i hand is real , and [his]68-breaker words are spoken from a different place , a place that is n’t just friendship . “ Thank [you]68-breaker , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , waiting for [him]68-breaker to guide [us]1297-us to the door , but [he]68-breaker does n’t . [He]68-breaker stays put , standing in front of [me]0-i , [his]68-breaker eyes scanning the navy - blue maxi dress [I]0-i paired with a few gold necklaces . [I]0-i styled [my]0-i hair with some soft waves like [the hairdresser]1298-the hairdresser did yesterday and added a heavy dose of mascara to make [my]0-i eyes pop . [His]68-breaker hand reaches up to [my]0-i hair , where [he]68-breaker twists a few strands between [his]68-breaker finger and thumb . And for some reason , [my]0-i breath catches when [his]68-breaker eyes meet [mine]0-i again . “ [You]0-i do n’t need a dress to look beautiful . [You]0-i ’re beautiful in just [your]0-i flannel shorts and T - shirt , but [you]0-i also look great in this . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i swallow hard , [my]0-i nerves feeling frayed because , what ’s going on ? It ’s like a switch has been turned on in [him]68-breaker . . . or turned off , and [he]68-breaker ’s more . . . affectionate . [His]68-breaker compliments seem more intimate . And the way [he]68-breaker looks at [me]0-i has some hunger to it . Before [I]0-i can process anything , [he]68-breaker slips [his]68-breaker hand back into [mine]0-i and tugs [me]0-i toward the front door . “ Have [you]0-i ever seen [a breakfast taco bar]3093-a breakfast taco bar ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks as if [he]68-breaker did n’t just stare into [my]0-i soul with [his]68-breaker commanding eyes . “ Uh . . . no . ”[68-breaker] “ It ’s fucking mouthwatering . [Huxley]92-jp gets it catered . There are mimosas , [Bloody Marys]187-bloody marys — mediocre ones , of course — a giant fruit display , plus a variety of croissants that [I]68-breaker ’m pretty sure will rock [[your]0-i world]3094-your world . [They]3095-they ’ve rocked [mine]68-breaker a few times . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker pats [his]68-breaker stomach . “ Yes , that six - pack of [yours]0-i really tells [me]0-i how the croissants have rocked [you]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . A charming smirk passes over [his]68-breaker lips right before [he]68-breaker drops [my]0-i hand and rings the doorbell . “ Notice [my]68-breaker six - pack , huh ? ”[68-breaker] “ The astronauts on the I.S.S. noticed [your]0-i six - pack . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker presses [his]68-breaker hand to [his]68-breaker chest . “ Do n’t flatter [me]68-breaker . [My]68-breaker ego wo n’t be able to fit through the door . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i nudge [him]68-breaker with [my]0-i shoulder just as the door opens , [Huxley]92-jp appearing on the other side . There ’s something to be said about the genetics [the Cane brothers]2207-the cane brothers possess because [every one of [them]2207-the cane brothers]1300-every one of them is extraordinarily handsome . [All with dark hair , square jaws , sculpted bodies]1301-all with dark hair , square jaws , sculpted bodies , and personalities that would make [any leading lady]1302-any leading lady fall for [them]2207-the cane brothers . [Huxley]92-jp has that tall , dark , and brooding thing going on , but can switch right out of it when [he]92-jp needs to , like right now , as [he]92-jp smiles at [me]0-i . “ [Lia]168-lia , it ’s great to see [you]168-lia . Been a while since [[my]92-jp brother]2721-my brother brought [you]168-lia around . Congrats on the engagement . ”[92-jp] “ Thank [you]92-jp , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ And congrats on [your]168-lia wedding as well . [Breaker]68-breaker showed [me]0-i pictures . ”[0-i] “ [He]2721-my brother should have brought [you]168-lia , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says , eyeing [[his]92-jp brother]1089-his brother . “ [Charise]126-charise was a fine date , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says while shifting to the side . “ [Lia]168-lia would have been better . ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp steps to the side as well and gestures with [his]92-jp hand to walk in . “ Everything is on [the back patio]3097-the back patio . Enjoy . ”[92-jp] “ Thank [you]92-jp , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i step into [[his]92-jp beautiful house]1304-his beautiful house , where the entryway has a large picture of [him]92-jp and [Lottie]96-lottie on [their]1305-their wedding day . The sun is setting in the background . [He]92-jp ’s holding [her]96-lottie possessively by the jaw as [he]92-jp kisses [her]96-lottie . It ’s raw , beautiful . . . erotic , a picture [Brian]100-brian and [I]0-i would never take . A position [Brian]100-brian would never hold [me]0-i in . A kiss [I]0-i do n’t think [we]1306-we ’d ever share . [He]92-jp does n’t have that in [him]92-jp , that craving , grasping for air - type nature . [He]92-jp does n’t see [me]0-i as [his]92-jp and only [his]92-jp . [He]92-jp does n’t look at [me]0-i and think . . . mine . That ’s never bothered [me]0-i , but for some reason , looking at this picture of [Lottie]96-lottie and [Huxley]92-jp , and the words [Brian]100-brian said to [me]0-i last night , it ’s . . . it ’s bothering [me]0-i now . “ [You]0-i okay ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker asks , coming up next to [me]0-i . “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ Beautiful photo of [them]3098-them . ”[68-breaker] “ It was a beautiful wedding , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker replies and then smooths [his]68-breaker hand to [my]0-i lower back , right above the curve of [my]0-i ass . “ Ready to get some tacos ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker whispers in [my]0-i ear right before [he]68-breaker guides [me]0-i toward the back of [the house]2449-the house , [his]68-breaker palm nearly searing [my]0-i skin through the fabric of [my]0-i dress . “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer as [my]0-i voice gets caught in [my]0-i throat . [He]68-breaker must not notice because [he]68-breaker leads [me]0-i out back where [JP]92-jp and [Kelsey]113-kelsey are filling [their]1308-their plates while [Lottie]96-lottie fills up a champagne flute . “ Hey , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says with a wave of [his]68-breaker hands , causing all three sets of eyes to land on [us]1309-us . “ Brought [Lia]168-lia with [me]68-breaker because , frankly , [she]168-lia invited [herself]168-lia . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i pinch [his]68-breaker side , causing [him]68-breaker to laugh . [I]0-i whisper , “ Because of that , game on . ”[0-i] [I]0-i address [everyone]2071-everyone and say , “ [Breaker]68-breaker said [the Bloody Marys]187-bloody marys are mediocre . ”[0-i] “ Oh , [[you]0-i bitch]3099-you bitch , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker whispers , causing [me]0-i to laugh . “ What ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks . “ [[My]92-jp Bloody Marys]3100-my bloody marys are not mediocre . ”[92-jp] “ [You]0-i have no idea what [you]0-i just did , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker mutters . “ [I]0-i have an inkling , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer as [JP]92-jp sets [his]92-jp plate down , grabs [Breaker]68-breaker , and takes [him]68-breaker over to the drinks , where [he]92-jp runs through every step of making [the perfect Bloody Mary]1311-the perfect bloody mary . “ Hey , [Lia]168-lia . ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey waves and grabs a plate . “ Help [yourself]168-lia . ”[113-kelsey] “ Thank [you]113-kelsey , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i take the plate from [her]113-kelsey and then look over the buffet . What looks to be fresh tortillas are stacked under a warmer . There are scrambled eggs , a variety of cheeses , salsas , refried beans , bacon , sausage , avocado , and cilantro . [Breaker]68-breaker was right . This looks amazing . To the right is a colossal bowl of fruit salad made up of strawberries , blueberries , raspberries , blackberries , and cherries . And to the right of that . . . the croissants with a bowl of jelly . “ This looks amazing , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Take [your]0-i time , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ [We]3101-we ’ll be [here]249-here for the next few hours , slowly picking away at the buffet . It ’s an event . [I]113-kelsey would start with two tacos and a drink . ”[113-kelsey] [Lottie]96-lottie slides in next to [me]0-i and says , “ Then go for the bowl of fruit as a palate cleanser . ”[96-lottie] “ Then a croissant , only one to start , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey adds . “ Then some water , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ Then another taco , then croissant , then fruit . . . then croissant . ”[96-lottie] “ Keep it slow and steady on the booze drinks . ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey hands [me]0-i a mimosa . “ [I]113-kelsey ’m not going to remember that , so [I]113-kelsey might need [you]0-i two to guide [me]113-kelsey . ”[113-kelsey] “ [We]3101-we got [you]0-i , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says and then points at a table on the other side of [the pool]1312-the pool . “ Meet [us]3101-we over there unless [you]0-i want to listen to [JP]92-jp drone on for half an hour about how [he]92-jp makes the best [Bloody Marys]187-bloody marys . ”[96-lottie] “ [He]92-jp better get it all out now , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ [I]113-kelsey do n’t want to hear about it when [we]3101-we get [home]373-home . ”[113-kelsey] Chuckling , [I]0-i fill [my]0-i plate with two tacos made up of scrambled eggs , refried beans , cheese , bacon , and avocado and then head over to the other side of the pool , in the shade with [the girls]551-the girls . Just what [I]0-i wanted . “ [I]113-kelsey ’m so glad [Breaker]68-breaker brought [you]0-i , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ [We]3101-we ’re always telling [him]68-breaker to bring [you]0-i , but [he]68-breaker says [you]0-i spend a lot of weekends with [[your]0-i fiancé]834-your fiancé . ”[113-kelsey] [I]0-i nod . “ Yeah , [he]68-breaker ’s out of [town]2235-town this weekend , so [I]113-kelsey was free . ”[113-kelsey] “ Well , thank goodness for that , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ By the way , the knitted potholders [you]113-kelsey gave [us]3101-we are [my]96-lottie favorite thing ever . ”[96-lottie] “ [Mine]113-kelsey too , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ [I]113-kelsey need to know how [you]113-kelsey made them . [I]113-kelsey ’ve wanted to pick up a hobby for a while , but [I]113-kelsey do n’t know where to start . ”[113-kelsey] [Lottie]96-lottie grips the table and says , “ Oh [my]96-lottie God , [we]3101-we should start a knitting club . ”[96-lottie] “ Do n’t tease [me]113-kelsey . [I]113-kelsey ’ve always wanted to be part of a knitting club . ”[113-kelsey] “ Oh , [we]3101-we ’re not teasing . ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie looks over [her]96-lottie shoulder and calls , “ [Myla]188-myla , over here . ”[96-lottie] [I]0-i glance over [my]0-i shoulder and spot [Ryot Bisley]169-ryot — [former third baseman for [the Chicago Bobbies]189-the chicago bobbies]1314-former third baseman for the chicago bobbies — [I]0-i know this because [Breaker]68-breaker told [me]0-i — and [[his]68-breaker wife]553-his wife , [Myla]188-myla . [They]1316-them recently joined forces with [the Cane brothers]2207-the cane brothers , so seeing [them]1316-them here is no surprise . [Ryot]169-ryot tugs on [Myla]188-myla ’s hand , whispers something in [her]188-myla ear . [I]0-i watch as [their]1316-them eyes connect . An unspoken affection for [each other]288-each other passes by right before [he]169-ryot pinches [her]188-myla chin and kisses [her]188-myla lips gently . The sight of [them]1316-them makes [my]0-i stomach hollow out as the thought , “ [I]169-ryot want that , ”[169-ryot] passes through [my]0-i mind . But do n’t [I]0-i have that ? Do n’t [I]0-i have that with [Brian]100-brian ? [I]0-i want to believe that [I]0-i do . [I]0-i want to be able to sit here and think , if [I]0-i brought [Brian]100-brian to this brunch , that [he]169-ryot would n’t send [me]0-i on [my]0-i way and focus on [the powerful man who [he]169-ryot has at [his]169-ryot fingertips]1319-the powerful man who he has at his fingertips but rather speak quietly in [my]0-i ear , hold [my]0-i hand , want to let [everyone]2071-everyone know that [I]0-i ’m [his]169-ryot . [Myla]188-myla makes [her]188-myla way over here , [her]188-myla curvy body something to behold . No wonder [Ryot]169-ryot is watching [her]188-myla walk away . Hell , [I]0-i ca n’t take [my]0-i eyes off [her]188-myla either . “ Hey , [girls]543-girls . ”[188-myla] When [she]188-myla spots [me]0-i , [she]188-myla says , “ [We]3107-we have n’t met . [I]188-myla ’m [Myla]188-myla . ”[188-myla] [She]188-myla holds [her]188-myla hand out , and [I]0-i take it . “ [I]188-myla ’m [Lia]168-lia , [[Breaker]68-breaker ’s best friend]3108-breaker ’s best friend . ”[188-myla] “ Oh , [I]188-myla ’ve heard so much about [you]188-myla . Congrats on [your]188-myla engagement . ”[188-myla] “ Thank [you]96-lottie , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , even though it ’s starting to feel like congrats are n’t in order . “ Are [you]188-myla not eating ? ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie asks right before [she]96-lottie takes a large bite of [her]96-lottie taco . “ Please . ”[96-lottie] [Myla]188-myla takes a seat . “ As if [I]96-lottie would skip out on taco bar . [Ryot]169-ryot said [he]169-ryot ’ll get [me]96-lottie a plate and bring it over . ”[96-lottie] “ That ’s so sweet , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . [Myla]188-myla smiles while [her]188-myla eyes find [Ryot]169-ryot . “ That ’s [Ryot]169-ryot , always thinking of [me]188-myla first before [himself]169-ryot . ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla waggles [her]188-myla brows . “ Even in bed . ”[188-myla] [She]96-lottie then leans forward and says , “ [Girls]543-girls , last night , [I]96-lottie ’m not kidding , [I]96-lottie ’m pretty sure [I]96-lottie had an out - of - body experience . ”[96-lottie] “ Please , do share with [us]3110-we , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says as [my]0-i cheeks heat . “ And then [we]3110-we need to solidify this knitting club thing , because [I]96-lottie ’m serious about it . ”[96-lottie] “ Ooo , [I]188-myla ’d love to knit , ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla says . “ Then [I]113-kelsey think it ’s official , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey adds while sipping [her]113-kelsey mimosa . “ [We]3110-we ’re going to become knitters , and [Lia]168-lia is going to teach [us]3110-we everything . ”[113-kelsey] “ Wait . . . ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla pauses . “ Did [you]113-kelsey make those knitted potholders ? ”[188-myla] “ That was [me]113-kelsey . ”[113-kelsey] “ Okay , [you]113-kelsey need to teach [me]113-kelsey because [I]113-kelsey love those things . ”[113-kelsey] [God]103-god , [she]113-kelsey ’s so beautiful and friendly . “ See , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ [They]3111-they ’re [a crowd - pleaser]3112-a crowd - pleaser and a much better wedding gift than the crystal orb [we]3110-we got from [one of [[Huxley]92-jp ’s clients]3114-huxley ’s clients]3113-one of huxley ’s clients . What the hell are [we]3110-we supposed to do with that ? [Huxley]92-jp wants to pawn it and then donate the money to [someone random]3115-someone random , like slip it in a card , hand [them]3115-someone random the card , and leave . [I]96-lottie argued that what if [that business associate]3116-that business associate ever came to [[our]3110-we house]3117-our house and wanted to see the orb ? [We]3110-we had to keep it . So it ’s stuffed away in [a closet]3118-a closet . Anyway . ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie turns toward [Myla]188-myla . “ Tell [us]3110-we about the sex . ”[96-lottie] “ [Ryot]169-ryot really loves going down on [me]0-i . [I]0-i truly think it ’s one of [his]169-ryot favorite things . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pick up [my]0-i drink and start to sip it because [I]0-i ’ve never had such open conversations like this before . Not even with [Breaker]68-breaker . Actually , never with [Breaker]68-breaker . “ Well , last night , [he]169-ryot was sucking on [my]0-i clit , while [he]169-ryot had a vibrator inside [me]0-i , and [I]0-i nearly flew off the bed . ”[0-i] [I]0-i suck in [my]0-i drink wrong and start coughing . “ [You]0-i okay ? ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey asks while rubbing [my]0-i back . “ Yes , sorry . ”[113-kelsey] [I]0-i cough a few more times . “ Just drank that wrong . ”[113-kelsey] “ [You]0-i sure ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod , [my]0-i cheeks flushed from embarrassment . A vibrator while [he]1321-he ’s going down on [her]1322-her ? Who knew that was even a combination ? “ [Huxley]92-jp did that to [me]113-kelsey the other night , easily the best orgasm ever . Sure , [I]113-kelsey love it when [he]1321-he ’s inside [me]113-kelsey , of course , but something about [his]1321-he tongue makes [me]113-kelsey lose [my]113-kelsey mind . ”[113-kelsey] “ Same with [JP]92-jp , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ But [he]1321-he likes using [his]1321-he fingers over a vibrator , and [I]113-kelsey do too because [he]1321-he is able to hit [me]113-kelsey in just the right spot . ”[113-kelsey] “ What about [you]0-i , [Lia]168-lia ? ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla asks , and then all eyes fall on [me]0-i . “ Uh . . . ”[188-myla] [I]0-i look around . “ Well , [Brian]100-brian , [he]1323-he uh . . . ”[0-i] [He]1323-he does n’t have sex with [me]0-i a lot . [He]1323-he does n’t like going down on [me]0-i . [He]1323-he does n’t like it when [I]0-i give [him]1323-he a blow job because [he]1323-he says [I]0-i do n’t do it right . . . “ [He]1323-he ’s not much of [an oral guy]3119-an oral guy , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , silencing the table . The air immediately shifts from pleasant and fun to awkward and uncomfortable . “ But [we]3120-we ’re working on that , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say out of desperation , not to look like [a total loser]1324-a total loser . “ [He]1323-he ’s busy a lot , so it ’s hard to find time , especially since [we]3120-we do n’t live together . ”[0-i] “ Oh , yes , when [you]0-i live together , that will change , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says , but [I]0-i can tell [she]96-lottie ’s just saying that to be nice . “ Totally , ”[96-lottie] [Myla]188-myla pops in . “ Living together changes everything . ”[188-myla] [Kelsey]113-kelsey smiles . “ And [you]0-i wo n’t have Breaker on the other side of the wall anymore , which [I]96-lottie ’m sure will be better , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ [I]96-lottie ca n’t imagine what that must be like . ”[96-lottie] “ Especially after [we]3120-we ran into [that girl who went to [your]0-i wedding]3121-that girl who went to your wedding , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says , trying to remember what [she]113-kelsey said . “ What was [her]3121-that girl who went to your wedding name ? ”[113-kelsey] “ [Charise]126-charise , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ That ’s right . ”[0-i] [Lottie]96-lottie snaps [her]96-lottie finger at [me]0-i . “ Oh [my]96-lottie God , [she]3121-that girl who went to your wedding told [us]3120-we [she]3121-that girl who went to your wedding had never in [her]3121-that girl who went to your wedding life had orgasms like the ones [she]3121-that girl who went to your wedding had with [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[96-lottie] Ones ? [Plural]190-plural ? “ [She]3121-that girl who went to your wedding went on forever about it in [the grocery store]964-the grocery store — kind of awkward . [She]3121-that girl who went to your wedding said [she]3121-that girl who went to your wedding really wanted to see [him]68-breaker again and asked [us]3120-we to say something . [We]3120-we did n’t , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ [He]68-breaker ’s not [a relationship kind of guy]3123-a relationship kind of guy . ”[113-kelsey] “ Makes [you]1325-the men think , though , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says as [she]96-lottie stares off at [the men]1325-the men . “ [We]3120-we might have underestimated [the youngest Cane brother]3124-the youngest cane brother . [He]3124-the youngest cane brother comes off all sweet and charming , but [I]96-lottie bet [you]1325-the men [he]3124-the youngest cane brother ’s the sexiest in bed out of all of [them]1325-the men . ”[96-lottie] “ [I]188-myla could see that , ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla chimes in . “ [I]113-kelsey do n’t think it ’s even a question , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ [I]113-kelsey ’m pretty sure that ’s the case . Just look at [him]3124-the youngest cane brother . [No man]3125-no man can have those eyes and not fuck [someone]2072-someone to [their]2072-someone deathbed . ”[113-kelsey] Oh . [My]0-i . God . [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i ’ll ever be able to look at [Breaker]68-breaker the same . “ [Also”—Kelsey]191-also”—kelsey[0-i] leans in—“and [[you]1325-the men guys]2339-you guys have to swear [I]96-lottie never told [you]1325-the men this , but [JP]92-jp told [me]96-lottie a story once about [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie wipes [her]96-lottie mouth with a napkin and says , “ Tell [us]2339-you guys . [Breaker]68-breaker has always been a mystery to [me]96-lottie . [I]96-lottie need to know more . ”[96-lottie] [Kelsey]113-kelsey glances at [me]0-i and says , “ [I]113-kelsey ’m sure [you]0-i know this already , but [JP]92-jp told [me]113-kelsey [he]92-jp was on a business trip with [Breaker]68-breaker once , and [he]92-jp picked up [a girl at [a bar]526-a bar]3128-a girl at a bar . [He]92-jp took [her]3128-a girl at a bar back to [the penthouse]3130-the penthouse that [he]92-jp was sharing with [JP]92-jp . [He]92-jp said [he]92-jp had never heard [a girl]2056-a girl come that many times in [his]92-jp life . And it was n’t just in [[their]3132-their bedroom]3133-their bedroom . Apparently , [Breaker]68-breaker did n’t care about doing [her]3128-a girl at a bar in [the kitchen]497-the kitchen , or on the dining room table , or out on [the balcony]2231-the balcony . ”[113-kelsey] [I]0-i swallow hard as a light sweat pricks out over [my]0-i skin . Why can [I]0-i see it in [my]0-i head ? Why can [I]0-i clearly visualize [his]1326-his strong , masculine body pulsing into [a woman]658-a woman on [a balcony]1328-a balcony ? “ With [[his]1326-his brother]1089-his brother in [the other room]3137-the other room ? ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie asks and shakes [her]96-lottie head . “ [God]103-god , that ’s ballsy but really hot . [I]96-lottie ’m sort of into that [whole people]3138-whole people are watching [me]96-lottie thing , but of course [Huxley]92-jp would never . ”[96-lottie] “ Neither would [Ryot]169-ryot , ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla says . “ The number of times [the man]260-the man has whispered ‘ mine ’ into [my]188-myla ear . ”[188-myla] “ Same , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ [JP]92-jp would rather cut off [his]92-jp own penis than allow [anyone]2080-anyone to see [me]113-kelsey naked . ”[113-kelsey] [I]0-i think about [Brian]100-brian and what [he]1329-he ’d do . [My]0-i initial thought is , [he]1329-he would . . . if [the people]1330-the people paid [us]1331-we . And how shitty a thought is that ? “ Anyway , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ Back to [this knitting club]3141-this knitting club . What do [we]1331-we need to get started ? ”[96-lottie] And just like that , [we]1331-we ’re back to knitting . Not sure [I]0-i will recover from this conversation because , holy shit , [I]0-i learned far too much about [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend , things [I]0-i never knew . Plural orgasms . [I]0-i did n’t know that was a thing . And then [Breaker]68-breaker ’s words come back to [me]0-i from yesterday . “ Fuck , if [you]0-i were [[my]68-breaker fiancée]2987-my fiancée , [[my]68-breaker wife]2159-my wife , [I]68-breaker ’d never let [you]0-i leave [the bedroom]1154-the bedroom . [Your]0-i voice would be hoarse from every fucking orgasm [I]68-breaker gave [you]0-i . ”[68-breaker] Hoarse . From every fucking orgasm . [I]0-i clear [my]0-i throat and try to act normal as the thought of [Breaker]68-breaker fucking [someone]2072-someone flashes through [my]0-i mind . “ Um , well , [we]1335-we will need yarn . ”[2072-someone] “ Hold on . ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie pulls out [her]96-lottie phone and types away . “ [I]96-lottie ’m taking notes . [We]1335-we ’re going to make this happen . ”[96-lottie] * * * [All the ladies]1334-all the ladies have a croissant in hand , and together [we]1335-we “ cheers ”[1334-all the ladies] [them]1334-all the ladies in the middle of the table , and [each]1336-each takes a bite . Ooey , gooey buttery and flaky with a hint of jam . Good God , it is the most magnificent thing [I]0-i think [I]0-i ’ve ever tasted . “ Oh [my]0-i God , this is good , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say with a mouthful . “ If [I]96-lottie was n’t so concerned about [my]96-lottie waistline expanding , [I]96-lottie ’d have these every day , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ [Reign]192-reign is [[our]1335-we personal chef]3145-our personal chef , and [he]192-reign spends all afternoon prepping these . [He]192-reign makes sure they ’re piping hot in the morning . And [his]192-reign homemade jam is heaven . ”[96-lottie] “ [JP]92-jp is trying to steal [Reign]192-reign , and [he]92-jp asked [me]113-kelsey to help [him]92-jp , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ [I]113-kelsey told [him]192-reign there was no way [I]113-kelsey was getting in the middle of that fight . ”[113-kelsey] “ Smart move , [sis]3146-sis , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says , playfully staring down [Kelsey]113-kelsey . “ [You]188-myla know”—Myla[96-lottie] examines [her]113-kelsey croissant—“I might have to ask [Ryot]169-ryot to get in the mix of stealing [Reign]192-reign . [I]96-lottie have no problem with some friendly competition . ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie glares at [Myla]188-myla . “ Need [I]96-lottie remind [you]188-myla that [I]96-lottie ’m feisty , and [I]96-lottie do n’t mind using [my]96-lottie nails as claws . ”[96-lottie] [Myla]188-myla leans close and says , “ Need [I]188-myla remind [you]188-myla that [I]188-myla grew up in [a military household]3147-a military household where [I]188-myla learned to hold [my]188-myla own . [I]188-myla will destroy [you]188-myla . ”[188-myla] “ [I]96-lottie have secret rage , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie fires back , making [us]1337-us all chuckle . “ That means nothing to [me]96-lottie , ”[96-lottie] [Myla]188-myla counters with an evil glare . “ [You]188-myla know , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey cuts in . “ Maybe [I]113-kelsey ’ll just do [you]188-myla all a favor and steal [him]3148-him for [JP]92-jp , and that way , [we]1337-us do n’t have to see [anyone]2080-anyone ’s rage . ”[113-kelsey] “ Or [I]0-i can just take [him]3148-him , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , raising [my]0-i hand . [All the girls]1338-all the girls turn toward [me]0-i , and [Lottie]96-lottie is the first to smile . “ [I]96-lottie think [you]0-i ’ll fit in just nicely . ”[96-lottie] “ [I]113-kelsey agree , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ [I]113-kelsey think so too . ”[113-kelsey] [I]0-i sip [my]0-i mimosa and smile because [I]0-i could not agree more . This is exactly what [I]0-i was looking for : [a group of girls [I]0-i could talk to]1339-a group of girls i could talk to , bond with , and just laugh with when it feels like [the world]616-the world is falling apart around [me]0-i . Of course [I]0-i have [Breaker]68-breaker , but for that moment when [we]1341-we were n’t talking , it felt like [I]0-i had [no one]2095-no one , and that made [me]0-i so sick to [my]0-i stomach . Talking with [these girls]1343-these girls , making [friends]2146-friends , fulfills one of the items on [my]0-i check - off list — build and create a circle of trust . [I]0-i know it ’s early , but this could be the beginning of that . “ [You]0-i have n’t told [us]1343-these girls anything about the wedding , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ True , ”[113-kelsey] [Lottie]96-lottie chimes in . “ The only thing [I]96-lottie ’ve heard is how breathtaking [you]0-i are in [your]0-i dress . ”[96-lottie] “ [You]0-i heard that ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Yeah . [Breaker]68-breaker was telling [Huxley]92-jp all about it . [I]0-i think [his]68-breaker exact sentence was [she]3150-she stole [my]0-i breath . ”[0-i] “ Wow , if [Breaker]68-breaker said that , [I]188-myla can only imagine what [[your]0-i fiancé]834-your fiancé will say , ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla adds . Yeah , [I]0-i wonder what [Brian]100-brian would say . [I]0-i know what [[his]1345-his mother]442-his mother thinks — [she]442-his mother was not [a fan]1347-a fan . Not a fan of any of the three dresses [she]442-his mother forced [me]0-i to get . “ [I]0-i ’m sure [he]1345-his ’ll love it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , even though [I]0-i ca n’t be entirely sure , especially after [his]1345-his response last night about [my]0-i hair and outfit . “ Where is the wedding ? ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey asks . “ [The Pier 1905 Club]414-the pier 1905 club , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ [[Brian]100-brian ’s family]3153-brian ’s family are [members]3154-members . The wedding will take place in [the gardens]2643-the gardens . ”[0-i] “ Oh , that should be pretty , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ Yeah , ”[113-kelsey] [I]0-i say on a sigh and realize that maybe this would be a good way to bond with [the girls]551-the girls . Bond on a deeper level . “ It ’s not [my]0-i ideal location , but [I]0-i ’m sort of stuck with it since [[my]0-i soon - to - be mother - in - law]2877-my soon - to - be mother - in - law is [a distant relative of [Lucifer]193-lucifer [himself]193-lucifer]3157-a distant relative of lucifer himself . ”[0-i] “ Really ? ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie asks , setting [her]96-lottie drink down and turning toward [me]0-i . “ Is [she]2877-my soon - to - be mother - in - law one of [those moms who wants to have control over everything]3158-those moms who wants to have control over everything ? ”[96-lottie] “ Yeah . [Mother]106-mother has [her]106-mother quintessential wedding in mind , and none of [my]0-i ideas are even on [Mother]106-mother ’s radar . ”[0-i] “ How is [she]2877-my soon - to - be mother - in - law getting away with this ? ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey asks . “ Does [Brian]100-brian know ? ”[113-kelsey] “ Oh yeah , [he]193-lucifer knows , and [he]193-lucifer ’s completely impervious . [He]193-lucifer keeps telling [me]0-i to let [[his]193-lucifer mother]442-his mother make all the decisions because the wedding is n’t a union of love for [[his]193-lucifer family]2303-his family . It ’s more of a horse and pony show . Clearly , [I]0-i do n’t have the same opinion . ”[0-i] “ Uh , and why is n’t [Brian]100-brian backing [you]0-i up ? ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie asks . Great question . “ [He]193-lucifer ’s [a mama ’s boy]3161-a mama ’s boy , and [I]96-lottie ’m pretty sure [he]193-lucifer still believes [he]193-lucifer must do anything to please [Mother]106-mother . Also known as [The Beave]111-the beave . [He]193-lucifer constantly seeks [[his]193-lucifer parents]391-his parents ’ approval , and this is just another instance of that . ”[96-lottie] “ Well , that ’s ridiculous , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says , outraged . “ [I]113-kelsey like the nickname , though . [Your]0-i wedding should be one of the most special days of [your]0-i life , not a day filled with [someone else]2722-someone else ’s version of love . ”[113-kelsey] “ [I]113-kelsey agree . [Breaker]68-breaker has been pretty good at helping [me]113-kelsey keep things from getting too scary . [The mother - in - law]3164-the mother - in - law wanted [us]3165-us to get married in [a church]560-a church , but [Breaker]68-breaker helped move it to [the garden]3167-the garden . The dresses [she]3164-the mother - in - law wanted [me]113-kelsey to wear were atrocious , and [Breaker]68-breaker put [his]68-breaker foot down on that too . Honestly , [I]113-kelsey ’d be lost without [him]68-breaker . ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey and [Lottie]96-lottie exchange some sort of knowing look before [they]1349-they turn back to [me]0-i . “ It ’s because [Breaker]68-breaker always thinks of [you]0-i first , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says softly . “ [He]68-breaker truly cherishes [you]0-i . [I]113-kelsey ’m sure [he]68-breaker does n’t say all the things to [you]0-i that [he]68-breaker says to [us]3168-us , but [you]0-i are [his]68-breaker number one . There ’s no question about it . ”[113-kelsey] [I]0-i look over [my]0-i shoulder where [I]0-i find [Breaker]68-breaker laughing with [[his]68-breaker brothers]388-his brothers and [Ryot]169-ryot , all holding [Bloody Marys]187-bloody marys in hand , looking like [a pack of [Men ’s World Fitness models getting ready for [their]1351-a pack of men ’s world fitness models getting ready for their next shoot next shoot]1352-men ’s world fitness models getting ready for their next shoot]1351-a pack of men ’s world fitness models getting ready for their next shoot . [Breaker]68-breaker glances at [me]0-i just at the same time , and with a simple wink in [my]0-i direction , [my]0-i stomach tumbles out of [my]0-i body . “ Yup , always puts [you]0-i first , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie seconds as [we]1353-we all take a sip of [our]1353-we drinks . * * * “ Did [you]0-i try the croissants ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker asks as [he]68-breaker sits on [my]0-i lounger and places [his]68-breaker hand on [my]0-i shin . “ [I]0-i did , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i can feel the warmth of [his]68-breaker palm once again . “ And . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i attempt to look anywhere but into [his]68-breaker eyes , but it ’s useless . They ’re the brightest blue , which means [they]1354-they ’re pulling [me]0-i into [his]68-breaker gaze — [his]68-breaker comforting , warm gaze . “ [They]1354-they were fantastic , ”[0-i] [I]0-i manage to say . “ Told [you]0-i . ”[0-i] [He]68-breaker gives [my]0-i shin a squeeze . “ Seemed like [you]0-i were having fun with [the girls]551-the girls . What ’s this [I]68-breaker hear about [a knitting club]3170-a knitting club ? And how can [I]68-breaker get an invite ? [I]68-breaker bet [Lottie]96-lottie and [Kelsey]113-kelsey have no idea the skills [I]68-breaker have . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker charm soothes the tension [I]0-i was just feeling . “ [Your]0-i ability to knit barely registers as a skill . [You]0-i can knit a line , and that ’s pretty much it . ”[68-breaker] “ Lies ! ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says . “ [I]68-breaker knitted a scarf . ”[68-breaker] “ [Your]0-i ‘ scarf ’ was three lines knitted together , and [you]0-i said it was for a mouse . ”[68-breaker] “ Yeah , so , mice need to stay warm , too . And maybe if [I]68-breaker was invited to [the knitting club]3171-the knitting club , [I]68-breaker ’d grow [my]68-breaker skills into something more , like a knitted hat . ”[68-breaker] “ Last time [I]68-breaker tried to teach [you]68-breaker , [you]68-breaker pierced the wall with [your]68-breaker knitting needle because [you]68-breaker were frustrated . ”[68-breaker] “ The yarn was aggravating [me]68-breaker . [I]68-breaker ’m better now , less temperamental . ”[68-breaker] “ Uh - huh , sure . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker nods at [me]0-i . “ Scoot over . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i move to the side of the large lounge chair just as [Breaker]68-breaker sits next to [me]0-i and loops [his]68-breaker arm around [my]0-i shoulder . Together , [we]1355-we lie there , staring up at the cloudy sky as [everyone around [us]1355-we]1356-everyone around us chats and enjoys some lasting mimosas and [JP]92-jp ’s apparently not - so - mediocre Bloody Marys . “ What else did [you]1355-we guys talk about ? ”[92-jp] How [you]1357-you ’re probably a stallion in bed . How [you]1357-you made [a woman]658-a woman come so many times in one night that [JP]92-jp was actually impressed . “ Uh . . . things , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Things ? That ’s so descriptive . Wow , [I]0-i never would have thought . ”[0-i] [I]0-i poke [his]68-breaker stomach , causing [him]68-breaker to laugh . “ Seriously , what did [you]68-breaker talk about ? ”[0-i] “ The wedding and how [you]68-breaker seem to care about [me]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker do care about [you]0-i . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker pulls [me]0-i in closer so [I]0-i can rest [my]0-i head on [his]68-breaker chest . “ [You]0-i ’re important to [me]68-breaker . Did [you]0-i tell [them]3172-them how [I]68-breaker ’ve been [[your]68-breaker knight]3173-your knight in shining armor when it comes to [The Beave]111-the beave ? ”[68-breaker] “ In so many words but not quite that eccentric . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker think it ’s important to know that [I]68-breaker ’ve been [the hero of this journey down the aisle]3174-the hero of this journey down the aisle . It ’s vastly important . ”[68-breaker] “ To whom ? ”[68-breaker] “ [The world]616-the world . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i ’re so ridiculous . ”[68-breaker] “ Maybe , but [you]0-i were the one who made [me]68-breaker the Pickle of Honor . ”[68-breaker] “ How could [I]0-i possibly forget ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [his]68-breaker hand strokes [my]0-i shoulder . It feels nice to have human contact . Not just groping hands and pecks on the cheek . Does [Brian]100-brian miss [me]0-i when [he]68-breaker ’s gone ? Miss holding [me]0-i ? Touching [me]0-i ? “ [I]68-breaker ’d hope that [you]68-breaker would n’t . Did [you]68-breaker talk about anything else ? ”[68-breaker] “ A few things , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ But nothing [I]0-i want to talk about in the backyard of [[[your]68-breaker brother]2724-your brother ’s house]3177-your brother ’s house . ”[0-i] “ Okay , shall [we]3178-we leave , then ? ”[68-breaker] “ [We]3178-we do n’t have to . [I]68-breaker mean , it ’s nothing important . ”[68-breaker] “ Yeah , but if [we]3178-we stay any longer , [JP]92-jp will make [me]0-i drink another Bloody [Mary]194-mary , and [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i can stomach it . [I]0-i nursed the one [he]92-jp gave [me]0-i two hours ago and then dumped it in a bush when [they]3179-they were n’t looking . ”[0-i] “ No , [you]0-i did n’t . ”[1359-he] [He]1359-he points at a shapely bush off to the right near the fence gate . “ That one , right there , if it starts to die , [we]1360-we will know why . ”[1359-he] “ Aah , just another secret [I]0-i ’ll have to hang over [your]0-i head . ”[0-i] * * * “ Okay . ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker flops onto [his]68-breaker couch and puts [his]68-breaker hands behind [his]68-breaker head . “ Give [me]68-breaker all the dirt . What did [you]68-breaker talk about ? ”[68-breaker] When [we]1360-we returned to [[our]1360-we apartment building]1248-our apartment building , [I]0-i went to [[my]0-i place]473-my place and changed because there was no way [I]0-i was lounging around [[Breaker]68-breaker ’s apartment]613-breaker ’s apartment in a dress . [I]0-i switched over to a pair of flannel shorts and a regular T - shirt . [I]0-i also washed off [my]0-i makeup because it made [my]0-i eyes feel weird . [Breaker]68-breaker changed into [his]68-breaker athletic shorts and a shirt that features the art of the inner workings of a computer . [He]68-breaker thinks it ’s cool , and [I]0-i tell [him]68-breaker it ’s one of the nerdiest things [he]68-breaker owns . “ It ’s really not that big a deal , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i sit cross - legged on [his]68-breaker couch and clutch a throw pillow . “ It has to be a big deal if [you]68-breaker did n’t want to talk about it in [[Huxley]92-jp ’s backyard]3180-huxley ’s backyard . So spill , [Lia]168-lia , what is it ? ”[0-i] “ God , [you]68-breaker ’re annoying . Fine , but [you]68-breaker ca n’t tease [me]68-breaker or make fun of [me]68-breaker about it , okay ? [I]68-breaker ’m sort of sensitive about the topic . ”[68-breaker] “ Okay , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker sits up and turns toward [me]0-i . “ What is it ? ”[68-breaker] “ Well , [Myla]3181-myla started the conversation off with how , uh . . . [her]3181-myla and [Ryot]169-ryot were . . . enjoying [themselves]3182-themselves . ”[68-breaker] “ Having sex ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker asks . “ Yes , having sex . And before [you]68-breaker say that ’s not a big deal , it is a big deal because [we]3183-we normally do n’t talk about those things , so [I]68-breaker feel weird , okay ? ”[68-breaker] “ Okay , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says soothingly , and [I]0-i ’m glad [he]68-breaker ’s sensed [my]0-i tone and is not going to make fun of [me]0-i . “ So [she]3181-myla was talking about how [Ryot]169-ryot is really good at giving . . . oral , and then [Kelsey]113-kelsey and [Lottie]96-lottie chimed in . [I]68-breaker just felt weird because [Brian]100-brian really does n’t do that , and when [I]68-breaker try to give [him]169-ryot . . . that , [he]169-ryot pushes [me]68-breaker away and says that . . . well , that [I]68-breaker ’m not that great at it . ”[68-breaker] “ [He]169-ryot said that to [you]0-i ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker asks , [his]68-breaker brows narrowing in anger . “ Not precisely with those words , but yeah . And [I]68-breaker do n’t know , listening to [them]3184-them talk about [their]3184-them sex lives , it made [me]68-breaker think that maybe [I]68-breaker need to step it up , [you]0-i know ? Maybe [I]68-breaker need to try harder . ”[68-breaker] “ Doubtful , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says while looking away . “ [You]0-i do n’t know that . Maybe [I]68-breaker suck in bed . ”[68-breaker] “ Ophelia , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , [his]68-breaker voice terse . “ [You]0-i would n’t suck in bed . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i do n’t know that . For all [we]3185-we know , [I]68-breaker could be a real dead fish . [I]68-breaker mean , [I]68-breaker thought [I]68-breaker knew what [I]68-breaker was doing when it came to a blow job , but maybe [I]68-breaker do n’t . ”[68-breaker] [My]0-i eyes connect with [his]68-breaker . “ Like . . . what do [you]68-breaker enjoy when [a woman]658-a woman is down there ? ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker pulls on the back of [his]68-breaker neck . “ [Every guy]3187-every guy is different . ”[68-breaker] “ But it ’s a mouth on [your]68-breaker penis . [I]68-breaker ’m pretty sure [any guy]3188-any guy enjoys a mouth on [their]3188-any guy penis , so . . . what do [you]68-breaker like ? ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker clears [his]68-breaker throat . [He]68-breaker ’s uncomfortable . Of course [he]68-breaker is . [God]103-god , [I]0-i bet [he]68-breaker ’s never had to complain about one of [his]68-breaker hookups being bad in bed . [They]1364-they ’ve probably all had more experience than [I]0-i have , especially given [he]68-breaker ’s [the prodigious man stud in bed]1365-the prodigious man stud in bed . No wonder [he]68-breaker ’s uncomfortable . [He]68-breaker ’s the sexiest Cane brother with wicked talents . “ [You]0-i know what , never mind . This was stupid . [I]68-breaker should n’t have brought it up . It ’s just that [I]68-breaker do n’t think [my]68-breaker sex life is good , and should n’t it be good right before [I]68-breaker get married ? Should n’t [we]3189-we be having sex all the time ? Phone sex even ? [We]3189-we just . . . are n’t . [He]68-breaker goes to bed and does n’t even spoon [me]68-breaker . [I]68-breaker keep telling [myself]68-breaker it ’s because [he]68-breaker ’s exhausted from work , but . . . [Huxley]92-jp and [JP]92-jp and [Ryot]169-ryot are tired , but [they]3190-they still — ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker like when [the girl]1210-the girl plays with the tip slowly at first , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , [his]68-breaker voice deep , almost tortured . [He]68-breaker lifts [his]68-breaker gaze toward [me]0-i , and [I]0-i register what [he]68-breaker said . [His]68-breaker stare is so intense that [I]0-i ’m immediately captured . [Drawn]195-drawn . “ [I]195-drawn like to be teased , taunted , unsure if [I]195-drawn ’ll be granted permission to enter [her]1210-the girl mouth . [I]195-drawn like it when [she]1210-the girl drags [her]1210-the girl tongue around the head , then flicks the underside over and over until [I]195-drawn ’m so hard , [I]195-drawn ’m aching for more . ”[195-drawn] [My]0-i cheeks heat . [I]0-i ’m transfixed . “ [I]0-i love cupping [her]1210-the girl cheek to show [her]1210-the girl that if [she]1210-the girl wants to take [me]0-i , [I]0-i want [her]1210-the girl to . And when [she]1210-the girl does suck [me]0-i into [her]1210-the girl warm , wet mouth , [I]0-i love watching [her]1210-the girl eyes , seeing them water , seeing how [she]1210-the girl can take [me]0-i all the way back to [her]1210-the girl throat . And as [she]1210-the girl ’s pumping [me]0-i in and out , [I]0-i fucking beg for the lightest drag of [her]1210-the girl teeth over [my]0-i length , just enough to tantalize [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Oh , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i shift , [my]0-i body heated . This is . . . this is the first time [I]0-i ’ve ever heard [him]1366-i talk like this , and it ’s making [me]0-i feel all kinds of tingly . “ And , uh . . . that will make [you]1366-i orgasm ? ”[1366-i] “ Hard , ”[1366-i] [he]1366-i answers . “ And [I]1366-i prefer [[my]1366-i girl]2155-my girl to swallow , as [I]1366-i like watching [her]2155-my girl throat work while [I]1366-i stiffen in [her]2155-my girl mouth . ”[1366-i] [My]0-i mouth has gone dry . And a dull throb is pulsing between [my]0-i legs because oh [my]0-i God , [I]0-i never would have expected this from [him]1366-i . [I]0-i mean , sure , [I]0-i knew there was a dirty side to [him]1366-i — [I’ve]0-i heard it — but teeth dragging . . . this is what [the girls]551-the girls were talking about , this very thing . “ [I]551-the girls see . ”[551-the girls] [I]0-i nod slowly . “ Well , that was informative . ”[0-i] “ What do [you]0-i like when it comes to [a guy]2422-a guy going down on [you]0-i ? ”[1366-i] [he]1366-i asks . “ Umm , well . . . [I]1366-i ’m not quite sure because [Brian]100-brian does n’t really do that . ”[1366-i] “ [I]1366-i would , ”[1366-i] [he]1366-i says quickly while wetting [his]1366-i lips . Speaking directly to [me]0-i , [his]1366-i eyes so intense , [he]1366-i says , “ [I]1366-i ’d go down on [[my]1366-i girl]2155-my girl . Because [I]1366-i ’m desperate to taste [her]2155-my girl , please [her]2155-my girl , and drive [her]2155-my girl wild , [I]1366-i ’d slowly spread [her]2155-my girl legs and work [my]1366-i way up [her]2155-my girl inner thighs , teasing [her]2155-my girl . [I]1366-i ’d drop kisses over every inch until [I]1366-i could see [her]2155-my girl dripping for [me]1366-i . Ready for [my]1366-i tongue to devour [her]2155-my girl . [Her]2155-my girl clit would be so hard [I]1366-i ’d be able to flick it with [my]1366-i tongue . [She]2155-my girl ’d be panting , nearly breathless . [My]1366-i fingers would widen [her]2155-my girl lips so [I]1366-i could drag [my]1366-i tongue over [her]2155-my girl clit in one long stroke . ”[1366-i] Oh fuck , why can [I]0-i feel that ? “ That ’s , uh”—I[1366-i] squeeze [my]0-i legs together—“that would be nice . ”[1366-i] “ That would be only the beginning . [I]0-i love to hear [[my]0-i girl]2155-my girl scream , to pull on [my]0-i hair , to dig [her]2155-my girl heels so far into [my]0-i back that [I]0-i feel it the next day . [I]0-i love to suck on [her]2155-my girl clit , taste [her]2155-my girl , pulse [my]0-i fingers into [her]2155-my girl , and make [my]0-i face sloppy with [her]2155-my girl arousal . And then , [I]0-i like to do it all over again . [I]0-i take . [I]0-i fucking take every last ounce of pleasure from [her]2155-my girl , and then that ’s when [I]0-i let [myself]0-i come when [I]0-i know that [she]2155-my girl has nothing left to give [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [My]0-i skin breaks out in a sweat as a dull throb starts to pulse through [my]0-i veins . [I]0-i smack [my]0-i lips together . “ Well , that , uh , that is not the way [Brian]100-brian does it . ”[0-i] Not even close . “ So this was educational . Maybe [I]0-i should try the whole tongue - flicking thing . ”[0-i] “ Do [you]0-i want to try it ? ”[1368-he] [he]1368-he asks . “ What do [you]0-i mean ? ”[1368-he] “ Do [you]0-i want to go down on [Brian]100-brian ? ”[0-i] “ [I]1369-i mean , is n’t that what [I]1369-i ’m supposed to do ? ”[1369-i] “ [You]0-i ’re not supposed to do anything . But when [a woman]658-a woman goes down on [me]1369-i , it ’s because [she]658-a woman wants to , because [she]658-a woman finds [my]1369-i cock so enticing that [she]658-a woman ca n’t function without tasting [me]1369-i . [I]1369-i want [[my]1369-i girl]2155-my girl to be desperate , needy , and begging for [me]1369-i , so when [she]658-a woman does take [me]1369-i in [her]658-a woman mouth , [she]658-a woman worships it . Just like [I]1369-i would worship [her]1369-i aching pussy . ”[1369-i] Jesus . . . hell . Because [she]1369-i finds [my]0-i cock so enticing that [she]1369-i ca n’t function without tasting [me]0-i . Just like [I]0-i would worship [her]1369-i aching pussy . Hearing [him]1370-he say pussy is next level . How it rolls off [his]1370-he tongue with ease as if [he]1370-he says it all the time . And [he]1370-he probably does . This conversation has shown [me]0-i exactly the type of man [he]1370-he is when [he]1370-he ’s intimate with [a woman]658-a woman . Dirty talking , desirous , dominating . A stark contrast from [the sweet , funny best friend [I]0-i know so dearly]1372-the sweet , funny best friend i know so dearly . “ Well , [I]0-i want to pleasure [him]1370-he , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [I]0-i think [everyone]2071-everyone wants to be able to pleasure [[their]2071-everyone partner]3199-their partner . ”[0-i] Do [I]0-i find [Brian]100-brian ’s cock so enticing that [I]0-i ca n’t function without tasting [him]1370-he ? Obviously not . “ What do [you]0-i do with [him]1370-he ? ”[1370-he] [he]1370-he asks as [he]1370-he scoots closer to [me]0-i , placing just a few inches between [us]1373-us now so [our]1373-us knees knock together and [his]1370-he arm is draped right behind [me]0-i . Can [he]1370-he tell how . . . turned on [I]0-i am from this conversation ? Can [he]1370-he feel the heat coming off [me]0-i ? Can [he]1370-he see [my]0-i rosy cheeks or see the light sheen of sweat that has broken out over [my]0-i skin ? God , [I]0-i hope not . “ Uh , what do [I]0-i do with [Brian]100-brian ? Well . ”[0-i] [I]0-i clear [my]0-i throat , feeling uncomfortable . [I]0-i ’m [the one who started this conversation]1374-the one who started this conversation , so [I]0-i might as well go all in . “ [We]3200-we obviously kiss . ”[0-i] “ That ’s a given , ”[1370-he] [he]1370-he says , [his]1370-he eyes falling to [my]0-i lips . [I]0-i have to look away because it almost seems like there ’s hunger in [his]1370-he pupils , but that could just be the heightened awareness from what [he]1370-he just said . “ And [you]0-i know , touch [each other]288-each other . [He]1370-he fondles [my]1370-he breasts and , uh”—I[1370-he] swallow—“I touch [his]1370-he balls and penis . But , [we]3200-we kind of just get into it , [you]0-i know ? [He]1370-he really likes to fuck [me]1370-he from behind . ”[1370-he] Oh [my]0-i God , [I]0-i ca n’t believe [I]0-i just said that . [My]0-i cheeks are burning with embarrassment . [Breaker]68-breaker tugs on a strand of [my]0-i hair and twists it around [his]1370-he finger . “ Does [he]1370-he spank [you]0-i while [he]1370-he ’s fucking [you]0-i ? ”[1370-he] “ What ? ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes widen before [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ No . [He]1370-he ’s never spanked [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Shame . Bet [you]0-i would get wet from it . ”[1370-he] [Dear Jesus]196-dear jesus . “ Do [you]0-i strip for [him]1370-he ? ”[1370-he] [he]1370-he asks , [his]1370-he voice so deep that [I]0-i ’m barely comprehending what [he]1370-he ’s asking . [I]0-i rub [my]0-i thighs gently , trying to keep [my]0-i mind on [his]1370-he question and not [his]1370-he responses . “ [I]0-i did a few times . ”[0-i] “ Lap dance ? ”[1370-he] “ Uh , not really . But [I]68-breaker have purchased some lingerie that [I]68-breaker know [he]1370-he liked . It was black see - through lace . ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker wets [his]1370-he lips again and nods . “ That ’s hot , [Lia]168-lia . ”[1370-he] “ Yeah ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , [my]0-i cheeks now flaming . “ Very hot . [I]0-i love when [[my]0-i girl]2155-my girl wears lingerie . [I]0-i love when [she]2155-my girl wants to dress up for [me]0-i , show [me]0-i [her]2155-my girl body , grind on [me]0-i . It ’s all about the teasing , so even if [you]168-lia ’re not comfortable at giving a lap dance , trust [me]0-i , if [you]168-lia were in lingerie and just lightly grinding on [my]0-i dick , [I]0-i ’d be fucking ecstatic . ”[0-i] “ But . . . what do [I]1375-he do , just sit there ? ”[1375-he] “ And move [your]0-i hips . It ’s [his]1375-he job to further the moment by running [his]1375-he hands up [your]0-i thighs like this , ”[1375-he] [he]1375-he says as [he]1375-he drags [his]1375-he fingers over [my]0-i leg , shooting a punch of lust straight between [my]0-i thighs . Fuck , that feels good . “ Oh , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say breathlessly . “ And [he]1375-he ’s supposed to smooth [his]1375-he hand over [your]0-i stomach , especially if [you]0-i ’re facing the other direction , [your]0-i back to [his]1375-he chest . [He]1375-he ’s supposed to attempt to touch [your]0-i breasts but not really touch them . [He]1375-he ’s supposed to get close , to run [his]1375-he finger along the underside but pull away . [He]1375-he ’s supposed to turn [you]0-i on so much that when [he]1375-he moves [his]1375-he hand back down [your]0-i stomach and plays with the waistband of [your]0-i underwear that [your]0-i legs part even wider . [You]0-i should be wet , throbbing , so turned on that [you]0-i ’re ready to come when [he]1375-he slips [his]1375-he fingers right against [your]0-i clit . ”[0-i] [I]0-i ca n’t breathe . [I]0-i ca n’t speak . [I]0-i can barely hear [him]1376-him over the roar of [my]0-i pulse in [my]0-i ears . Turned on . . . yeah , [I]0-i ’m there . [I]0-i know that [I]0-i ’m wet , [I]0-i know that [I]0-i ’m throbbing , and that [Breaker]68-breaker knows exactly how to entice [a woman]658-a woman . “ Does [he]1375-he finger [you]0-i ? ”[68-breaker] “ Umm . . . sometimes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Does [he]1375-he suck on [his]1375-he fingers after [he]1375-he fingers [you]0-i ? ”[0-i] “ Uh , no , that ’s not [Brian]100-brian . ”[68-breaker] “ That ’s the best fucking part , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker wets [his]68-breaker lips . “ [I]68-breaker love tasting [a woman]658-a woman . [I]68-breaker love having the flavor of [her]658-a woman on [my]68-breaker tongue as [I]68-breaker drive into [her]658-a woman . ”[68-breaker] “ Oh , yeah , [Brian]100-brian has not done that , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say stupidly as [I]0-i try to look away from [his]68-breaker magnetic eyes . “ How does [he]1375-he fuck [you]0-i ? Does [he]1375-he tie [you]0-i down ? Does [he]1375-he let [you]0-i ride [him]1375-he ? Does [he]1375-he use toys ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i swallow and wish at this moment that [I]0-i had a drink , anything to quench [my]0-i thirst from this conversation . “ Just regular , [you]68-breaker know , nothing too fancy . Like , [we]3204-we do , uh , different positions , but nothing outside of that realm . ”[0-i] [I]0-i cover [my]0-i face and say , “ This is so embarrassing . ”[0-i] “ Why ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks , lowering [my]0-i hands from [my]0-i face . “ Because clearly [you]0-i ’re more voracious in bed , and [I]68-breaker look like [a basic , vanilla bean girl]3205-a basic , vanilla bean girl compared to [you]0-i . ”[68-breaker] “ Do n’t compare [yourself]0-i . That ’s the first way to make [yourself]0-i feel bad . ”[68-breaker] “ It ’s hard not to compare when discussing toys and tying up . And then [the girls]551-the girls earlier with all [their]551-the girls talk about how [[their]551-the girls men]3207-their men like going down on [them]551-the girls . Maybe . . . maybe something is wrong with [me]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker forcefully grips [my]0-i chin , and when [our]1378-our eyes lock , [he]68-breaker says , “ Nothing is wrong with [you]0-i . Fucking nothing . It ’s all about chemistry and maybe . . . maybe [you]0-i just do n’t have that with [Brian]100-brian . ”[68-breaker] Why do [I]0-i have a feeling [he]68-breaker might be right ? “ Tying [you]68-breaker up , using toys , is that the kind of stuff [you]68-breaker want ? ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker do n’t know what [I]68-breaker want , [I]68-breaker just . . . [I]68-breaker think [I]68-breaker want more than what [I]68-breaker have now . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i deserve more , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , [his]68-breaker voice choppy now . “ [Your]0-i pussy deserves to be tongued , consumed , and fucked so hard that [you]0-i ca n’t walk the next day . ”[68-breaker] [My]0-i breath grows heavy , the air becoming harder and harder to suck in . “ [You]0-i ’re so fucking sexy , [Lia]168-lia , and if it were [me]68-breaker — ”[68-breaker] Knock . Knock . If it were [you]68-breaker , what ? [I]0-i want to scream as [he]68-breaker turns to look at the door . [I]0-i catch the narrowing of [his]68-breaker brows and wonder if [he]68-breaker knows who is [here]249-here , because whoever it is , [he]68-breaker does n’t seem too happy about it . “ Who is that ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , as if [Breaker]68-breaker can see through the door . “ No idea . ”[0-i] And for the first time since [I]0-i ’ve known [him]68-breaker , [I]0-i watch [him]68-breaker walk toward the door , [my]0-i mind focusing on [his]68-breaker backside , the tightness of [his]68-breaker ass accompanied by what [he]68-breaker just said to [me]0-i . [You]68-breaker ’re so fucking sexy , [Lia]168-lia . [I]0-i play that on repeat , over and over , until [I]0-i hear [him]68-breaker answer the door . “ Oh , hey . Uh , what are [you]68-breaker doing [here]249-here ? ”[68-breaker] “ Is [Lia]168-lia here ? ”[68-breaker] [Brian]100-brian ? [He]68-breaker ’s here ? [I]0-i move over to the entryway , where [I]0-i see [Brian]100-brian with a single duffel bag in hand . “ [Brian]100-brian , [I]68-breaker thought [you]100-brian were on [your]100-brian business trip . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker glances at [Breaker]68-breaker and then back at [me]0-i . “ [I]68-breaker was , but [I]68-breaker did n’t like [our]3209-our last conversation , so [I]68-breaker returned for the night . [I]68-breaker have to leave first thing tomorrow morning . ”[68-breaker] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i twist [my]0-i hands in front of [me]0-i , [my]0-i body temperature immediately cooling down . “ Can [we]3209-our go to [[your]68-breaker place]2284-your place , please ? ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker eyes plead . “ Yeah , can [you]68-breaker just give [me]0-i one second ? [I]0-i ’ll meet [you]68-breaker over there , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer as [I]0-i stand there awkwardly . “ Sure . ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian glances at [Breaker]68-breaker . “ Good to see [you]68-breaker , [man]2061-man . ”[100-brian] “ Yeah , [you]68-breaker too , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says as [Brian]100-brian takes off . [Breaker]68-breaker shuts the door and sifts [his]68-breaker hand through [his]68-breaker hair . [I]0-i catch the bottom of [his]68-breaker shirt lift to show off the waistband of [his]68-breaker briefs . “ So [Brian]100-brian ’s [home]373-home . ”[0-i] “ [He]68-breaker is , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ That was unexpected . ”[0-i] “ Very . ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker leans against [his]68-breaker hallway wall , looking almost defeated . [I]0-i ca n’t imagine why , though . “ So [you]68-breaker should probably go talk to [him]68-breaker . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take a step forward . This need to touch [him]68-breaker is so overwhelming , but [I]0-i hold back because [I]0-i ’m not sure what would happen if [I]0-i did . If [I]0-i gave in to this mystifying sensation that ’s pulsing through [my]0-i blood . [I]0-i might not be able to stop [myself]0-i . “ Yeah , [I]0-i probably should . ”[0-i] [I]0-i toe the ground , needing to say something else , so [I]0-i ask , “ Should [I]0-i talk to [him]68-breaker about sex ? ”[0-i] [His]68-breaker sharp eyes focus on [me]0-i as [he]68-breaker says , “ [I]68-breaker mean , if [you]0-i want to . If [you]0-i think it ’s a good time . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker think it needs to be said , do n’t [you]0-i ? [We]1380-we ’re getting married in four weeks . ”[68-breaker] “ That [you]0-i are , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker huffs and then pushes off the wall . “ Yes , [Lia]168-lia , go tell [him]68-breaker what [you]0-i desire , and do n’t be afraid to tell [him]68-breaker everything . ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker takes a step forward , closing the space between [us]1380-we . [He]68-breaker pushes a stray hair behind [my]0-i ear and speaks softly . “ Tell [him]68-breaker [you]0-i want [his]68-breaker tongue between [your]0-i legs . Tell [him]68-breaker [you]0-i want [him]68-breaker to tease [you]0-i , to taunt [you]0-i , to make [you]0-i feel so goddamn wet that [you]0-i could just come from [him]68-breaker rolling [your]0-i nipples between [his]68-breaker fingers . ”[68-breaker] [My]0-i breath becomes shallow again , and [my]0-i eyes fall to [his]68-breaker lips as [he]68-breaker continues , “ Tell [him]68-breaker [you]0-i want [him]68-breaker to fuck [you]0-i . To fuck [you]0-i so mercilessly that [you]0-i ca n’t take the constant hammering of [his]68-breaker dick inside [you]0-i until [you]0-i come so hard that [you]0-i ca n’t think of sex any other way but carnal . ”[68-breaker] [My]0-i lungs seize . [My]0-i toes tingle . And [my]0-i body is tempted to crumple right here on the floor from the erotic energy running through [me]0-i . [I]0-i want that . [I]0-i want that carnal feeling [he]68-breaker speaks of . [I]0-i want to feel [a man so deep inside [me]0-i]1381-a man so deep inside me that it makes [my]0-i eyes well with tears . [I]0-i want to be stretched , licked , and fucked to the point that [I]0-i ca n’t remember anything besides this undeniable feeling of [him]68-breaker and only [him]68-breaker . “ What if [he]68-breaker does n’t want to fuck [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper , [my]0-i insecurity rearing up . [Breaker]68-breaker pauses and loops [his]68-breaker index finger under [my]0-i chin . [He]68-breaker lifts [my]0-i gaze to meet [his]68-breaker . Very carefully , [he]68-breaker says , “ Then [he]68-breaker ’s not [the man for [you]0-i]3213-the man for you because , [Lia]168-lia . . . [you]0-i deserve to be fucked . Just like [you]0-i deserve to be worshiped . Hard . ”[68-breaker] And before [I]0-i can say another thing , [he]68-breaker walks away . Chapter Fourteen [BREAKER]68-breaker “ [Dude]2160-dude , did n’t [you]2160-dude just leave [us]3215-us ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks when [he]92-jp opens [his]92-jp door . [I]0-i push past [him]92-jp and head straight to [[his]92-jp kitchen]625-his kitchen . “ Uh , come in . Not like [I]0-i ’m doing anything important . ”[0-i] “ Where are [your]92-jp disgusting Bloody Marys ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i move around [[his]92-jp kitchen]625-his kitchen . “ Uh , if [you]0-i recall , the brunch was over at [Huxley ’s]92-jp . [He]92-jp has everything , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says when [he]92-jp follows [me]0-i into [the kitchen]497-the kitchen . “ Then where ’s [your]0-i alcohol ? [I]92-jp know [you]0-i have some . Where is it ? ”[92-jp] “ Okay , [I]92-jp need [you]0-i to slow down for a second . ”[92-jp] [He]92-jp rests [his]92-jp hand on the counter . “ Why are [you]0-i all jittery ? ”[92-jp] “ Just give [me]0-i fucking alcohol , okay ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i take a seat on one of [his]92-jp kitchen island seats and push [my]0-i hands through [my]0-i hair . “ What ’s going on ? ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey asks , walking in with a concerned look . “ [Breaker]68-breaker apparently needs alcohol but has yet to say why . ”[113-kelsey] “ Because [I]92-jp ’m in love with [[my]92-jp best friend]2156-my best friend who ’s getting married in four weeks . Do [I]92-jp need any other explanation ? ”[92-jp] “ No , [I]92-jp think that will do it , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says like [a dick]2704-a dick , and then [he]92-jp moves to a cabinet on the right of the fridge and pulls out a bottle of Scotch . “ Will this do ? ”[92-jp] “ Yes , whatever , [I]113-kelsey do n’t care . Just give [me]113-kelsey something , anything . ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey sits beside [me]0-i and places [her]113-kelsey hand on [my]0-i back soothingly . “ What ’s going on ? ”[113-kelsey] “ [I]0-i feel like [I]0-i ’m going to lose it . ”[0-i] [My]0-i body shakes with adrenaline as [my]0-i emotions rip through [me]0-i . [JP]92-jp slides a glass of Scotch toward [me]0-i , and [I]0-i immediately down it and slide the glass back to [him]92-jp . “ More . ”[0-i] “ Oh - kay , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says . “ [Breaker]68-breaker , talk to [us]1386-us , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . [I]0-i swallow the next glass and set it down , gripping the cylinder with both hands . “ Do [you]92-jp remember when [[you]1386-us two]2100-you two were in [San Francisco]34-san francisco , and [you]92-jp were n’t an item yet ? ”[0-i] “ Yes , ”[1386-us] [they]1386-us both say at the same time . “ And the night [Kelsey]113-kelsey was going out with [that other guy]3218-that other guy and , [JP]92-jp , [you]92-jp did n’t know how to handle it because [you]92-jp really liked [Kelsey]113-kelsey ? [You]92-jp got trashed that night and sent that stupid email . ”[1386-us] “ Yes , unfortunately . ”[0-i] “ Well , that pain [you]92-jp were feeling , that ’s what [I]0-i ’m feeling right now . ”[0-i] [I]0-i tug on [my]0-i hair . “ Fuck . ”[0-i] “ Where is [Lia]168-lia now ? ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey asks . “ At [home]373-home . . . with [Brian]100-brian . ”[113-kelsey] [I]0-i slap [my]0-i hand on the counter and say , “ And the worst thing about it all is because thanks to [[your]92-jp little girl]3220-your little girl chat at brunch , [she]168-lia was asking [me]0-i all about sex because apparently [Brian]100-brian is [a real fucking dud]3221-a real fucking dud in [the bedroom]1154-the bedroom and does n’t go down on [her]168-lia . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks in disgust . “ That ’s like the best fucking part , making [[your]92-jp girl]2154-your girl come on [your]92-jp tongue . ”[92-jp] “ That ’s what [I]0-i said , and [she]168-lia was asking for advice on how to give a good blow job . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hold out [my]0-i glass , and [JP]92-jp quickly pours some Scotch in it . “ And [I]92-jp fucking told [her]168-lia how to give a good one . Right there , [I]92-jp told [her]168-lia everything , so now [she]168-lia ’s over at [her]168-lia place , probably kneeling in front of [Brian]100-brian , [the fucking douche]3224-the fucking douche , sucking [his]3224-the fucking douche dick , because [I]92-jp ’m the goddamn asshole who told [her]168-lia how to do it . Fuck ! ”[92-jp] [I]0-i lean back in [my]0-i chair and down the Scotch before setting the glass back down again . “ Wow , there ’s a lot to unpack there , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ [You]92-jp really taught [her]168-lia how to give a good blow job ? Why ? ”[92-jp] “ [I]0-i do n’t know , because [I]0-i lost [my]0-i mind . Because [I]0-i ca n’t look [her]168-lia in the eyes and see the sadness [Brian]100-brian puts there . Because [I]0-i could n’t let [her]168-lia feel bad about [herself]168-lia when [she]168-lia ’s clearly trying , and [he]3224-the fucking douche ’s not . So yeah , [I]0-i told [her]168-lia how to please [him]3224-the fucking douche , and now that [they]3225-they ’re in [[her]168-lia apartment]323-her apartment , [I]0-i could n’t stay [there]2152-there . [I]0-i could n’t listen to [her]168-lia pleasure [him]3224-the fucking douche . There was no fucking way , when all [I]0-i want is for [her]168-lia to be with [me]0-i . [I]0-i mean , [Jesus Christ]90-jesus christ , [I]0-i was doing fine , ”[0-i] [I]0-i yell , thrusting [my]0-i arm out . “ [I]0-i was doing perfectly fine , and then [I]0-i saw [her]168-lia in that wedding dress , and it ’s like . . . [my]0-i world snapped , and [I]0-i ca n’t stop spiraling . Why could n’t [I]0-i have figured this out a year ago ? A month ago , anytime where there was n’t a countdown to doomsday when [she]168-lia attached [herself]168-lia to [another man who does not fucking deserve [her]168-lia]3228-another man who does not fucking deserve her ? Not even close . ”[0-i] “ To be fair , [Huxley]92-jp and [I]92-jp have been telling [you]0-i for years [you]0-i like [Lia]168-lia , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . [I]0-i glare at [him]92-jp while [Kelsey]113-kelsey says , “ [JP]92-jp , that ’s not helpful . ”[113-kelsey] “ Was n’t trying to be helpful , was trying to make a point , like [I]92-jp ’ve been trying to make for years now . ”[92-jp] “ [You]92-jp ’re [an asshole]3229-an asshole , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say to [him]92-jp . “ How do [you]0-i want [me]92-jp to respond ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks , thrusting [his]92-jp arms out . “ Do [you]0-i want [me]92-jp to hold [your]0-i hand and tell [you]0-i everything will be okay ? That [we]3230-we ’ll always know [you]0-i as [the better man]3231-the better man ? News flash , [man]2061-man , [she]113-kelsey ’s getting married . And if [you]0-i do n’t do something about it , then [she]113-kelsey ’s going to go off with [the douche]2355-the douche , and [you]0-i ’re going to be left to die alone in [[your]0-i apartment]859-your apartment . ”[92-jp] “ Seriously , [JP]92-jp , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey groans . “ [You]92-jp ’re being rude . ”[113-kelsey] “ [I]92-jp ’m being real . If [he]92-jp wants [her]113-kelsey , then [he]92-jp needs to tell [her]113-kelsey . ”[92-jp] “ No , [he]92-jp ca n’t , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says , surprising [me]0-i . “ Trust [me]113-kelsey , if [he]92-jp just knocks on [her]113-kelsey door and tells [her]113-kelsey [he]92-jp loves [her]113-kelsey , [she]113-kelsey wo n’t take it well . [He]92-jp needs to continue to show [her]113-kelsey how [he]92-jp ’s better . ”[113-kelsey] “ That ’s not working out for [him]92-jp . [Lia]168-lia is giving [the other guy]3235-the other guy a blow job because [[my]92-jp idiot brother]3236-my idiot brother taught [her]113-kelsey the tricks of the trade . Were [you]113-kelsey trying to turn [her]113-kelsey on ? Were [you]113-kelsey trying to be all sexy - like ? ”[92-jp] “ Do n’t fucking say sexy - like , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ And it was a hot moment , okay ? [I]0-i saw [her]113-kelsey cheeks blush . [I]0-i was showing [her]113-kelsey that [I]0-i ’m [the kind of man who ’d make [her]113-kelsey orgasm several times in one night]3237-the kind of man who ’d make her orgasm several times in one night , not stupid [Brian]100-brian . ”[0-i] “ And how did that work out for [you]113-kelsey ? ”[92-jp] “ Not fucking well , ”[92-jp] [I]0-i answer and press [my]0-i fingers into [my]0-i forehead . “ [I]0-i think [Kelsey]113-kelsey is right , though , [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i can just tell [her]113-kelsey . [I]0-i feel [her]113-kelsey questioning [him]0-i , questioning [herself]113-kelsey . But fuck . . . [she]113-kelsey ’s also [the person who does n’t like to give up]3238-the person who does n’t like to give up . So [she]113-kelsey ’ll do anything to make it work , and [I]0-i bet that ’s what [she]113-kelsey ’s doing tonight . Maybe . . . maybe [I]0-i can fake getting hurt or something . ”[0-i] [I]0-i perk up . “ Yeah , like , [I]0-i can break a leg or something , and then [[you]3239-you guys]2339-you guys can call [her]113-kelsey and tell [her]113-kelsey [I]0-i ’m in [the hospital]3241-the hospital , and that will drag [her]113-kelsey away from [Brian]100-brian tonight , and [she]113-kelsey wo n’t give [him]0-i a blow job . ”[0-i] “ Are [you]0-i hearing [yourself]0-i right now ? ”[92-jp] “ [I]0-i am . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stand from [my]0-i chair now to pace [the kitchen]497-the kitchen . “ This is a great idea because it will gather [me]0-i sympathy , and [she]113-kelsey ’ll want to take care of [me]0-i of course because that ’s who [she]113-kelsey is , and when [she]113-kelsey ’s taking care of [me]0-i , [I]0-i can move in more , steal [her]113-kelsey from [Brian]100-brian . This is genius . ”[0-i] “ This is stupid because if [you]0-i break [your]0-i leg , how the hell are [you]0-i supposed to run away when [Brian]100-brian finds out what [you]0-i did ? [The guy]519-the guy might be [a douche]352-a douche , but [that man]3244-that man has simmering rage , and [I]92-jp think [he]3244-that man could be a good fight , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ Uh , besides all of that , breaking a leg is not the way to get [the girl]1210-the girl , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ God , [[you]0-i guys]2339-you guys are [such idiots]3247-such idiots . ”[113-kelsey] “ Breaking [my]0-i leg is the best idea so far . What else should [I]0-i do ? Oh ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap [my]0-i fingers . “ [I]0-i can tell [her]1210-the girl [I]0-i got food poisoning from [the Bloody Mary]194-mary . ”[0-i] “ The fuck [you]0-i will , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ Do n’t fucking taint [me]92-jp for [your]0-i own benefit . ”[92-jp] “ That ’s the only thing [I]0-i had that [she]1210-the girl did n’t , and food poisoning will drag [her]1210-the girl away from [Brian]100-brian . ”[0-i] “ Uh - huh , and how do [you]0-i suppose [you]0-i throw up in front of [her]1210-the girl ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks . [I]0-i glance around [the kitchen]497-the kitchen . “ Have any raw chicken ? ”[0-i] “ For God ’s sake , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says , rising from [her]113-kelsey chair . [She]113-kelsey takes [me]0-i by the arm and sits [me]0-i down . [Her]113-kelsey hands rest on [my]0-i shoulders as [she]113-kelsey stares [me]0-i in the eyes . “ [You]0-i ’re not going to do anything tonight — ”[113-kelsey] “ But — ”[113-kelsey] “ If [she]1210-the girl happens to give [him]3248-him a blow job , then so be it . That ’s the price [you]0-i pay for trying to show [her]1210-the girl how [you]0-i enjoy one . But what [you]0-i need to remember is that [she]1210-the girl heard everything [you]0-i said . [She]1210-the girl listened intently , and if [I]113-kelsey know [Lia]168-lia like [I]113-kelsey think [I]113-kelsey do , that will stick in [her]1210-the girl mind . Every time [she]1210-the girl looks at [you]0-i , [she]1210-the girl ’s going to think about how [you]0-i like to be sucked , how [you]0-i like to be between [a female]3249-a female ’s legs , and how easily [you]0-i can please [a woman]658-a woman . [She]1210-the girl will remember that , and that ’s the new foundation [you]0-i work off . ”[113-kelsey] “ [Babe]197-babe , seriously , keep talking like that and [we]3251-we ’re going [upstairs]3252-upstairs . ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey glances up at [JP]92-jp and says , “ Unless [you]92-jp start being helpful to [[your]92-jp brother]2724-your brother , who clearly is in agony , then [I]113-kelsey wo n’t be going [upstairs]3252-upstairs anytime soon . [He]2724-your brother loves [her]1210-the girl , [JP]92-jp , and [he]2724-your brother deserves to be with [her]1210-the girl . ”[113-kelsey] [She]113-kelsey turns [her]113-kelsey attention back to [me]0-i and continues , “ This is go - time , [Breaker]68-breaker . Forget about what happens between [Brian]100-brian and [Lia]168-lia . Act like [he]2724-your brother never came [home]373-home and charge forward . Trust [me]113-kelsey , [we]3256-we spoke about [you]92-jp in [[our]3256-we little girls]3257-our little girls ’ gathering , and there ’s intrigue there , and it ’s not [best friend]3258-best friend intrigue . [I]113-kelsey think [you]92-jp have a chance , but [you]92-jp need to do this right . [Brian]100-brian will falter . [He]2724-your brother already has , so be patient . ”[113-kelsey] “ [I]0-i have four weeks , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say in desperation . “ [She]168-lia will break before that , trust [me]0-i . Between [you]92-jp and [Brian]100-brian , [you]92-jp have the history , the sex appeal , and the ability to make [her]168-lia happy . [She]168-lia ’ll see that quickly . [Brian]100-brian is a blip . [You]92-jp are forever . ”[0-i] “ [Babe]197-babe . ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp clutches [his]92-jp chest . “ Damn , that was sweet . ”[92-jp] “ That was sweet , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [You]92-jp ’re making [my]92-jp heart all aflutter , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp adds . “ And naturally , [my]90-jesus christ dick hard . ”[90-jesus christ] [Jesus]90-jesus christ . Ignoring [[my]0-i brother]2721-my brother , [I]0-i ask , “ [You]2721-my brother really think [Lia]168-lia and [I]0-i are forever ? ”[0-i] “ If anything , [Breaker]68-breaker , [I]0-i love love , and [I]0-i would never mess with that . [I]0-i truly believe [you]68-breaker and [Lia]168-lia are [soulmates]3259-soulmates . [I]0-i ’m just glad [you]68-breaker ’re seeing it now . ”[0-i] “ Okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod . “ So what do [I]0-i do now ? ”[0-i] “ Well , when [I]92-jp was spiraling , [I]92-jp decided to donate money to make [me]92-jp feel better , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ [I]92-jp know of a great pigeon rescue that could use [another donor]3260-another donor . ”[92-jp] [I]0-i look [him]92-jp dead in the eyes and say , “ [I]0-i ’m not feeding into [your]92-jp pigeon obsession . [You]92-jp can fuck off with that . ”[0-i] * * * [LIA]168-lia “ So how was [your]92-jp flight back ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , unsure of what to say to [him]92-jp . [His]92-jp presence is completely unexpected . [I]0-i ’m having a hard time processing [he]92-jp ’s even [here]249-here , let alone digesting the conversation [I]0-i just had with [Breaker]68-breaker . “ It was fine . Got some work done , thankfully , ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian says as [he]92-jp loosens [his]92-jp tie . Yes , thank [God]103-god for that . [Ca]114-ca n’t imagine what would happen if [he]92-jp did n’t get work done . “ Well , uh , are [you]92-jp hungry ? [I]114-ca can order food . ”[114-ca] “ [I]92-jp just really want to talk to [you]92-jp . ”[92-jp] [His]92-jp eyes go to [my]0-i hair as [he]92-jp approaches [me]0-i . Does [he]92-jp still hate it ? [He]92-jp has n’t said [he]92-jp loves it , that ’s for sure . [He]92-jp takes [my]0-i hands in [his]92-jp and asks , “ Is everything okay ? ”[92-jp] “ What do [you]92-jp mean ? ”[92-jp] “ Here , let ’s sit , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says as [he]92-jp brings [me]0-i over to [my]0-i couch . Once [we]1391-we ’re seated , a few inches between [us]1391-we , [he]92-jp continues . “ [I]92-jp know the wedding planning has been stressful on [you]0-i , and [I]92-jp ’m worried that maybe [you]0-i ’re not handling it all well , hence the haircut and color . ”[92-jp] Excuse [me]0-i ? “ What do [you]92-jp mean ? [I]92-jp cut [my]92-jp hair and highlighted it because [I]92-jp wanted to , not because of the stress of the wedding . ”[92-jp] “ [Lia]168-lia , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says in [his]92-jp condescending tone . “ [I]92-jp ’ve known [you]0-i for over a year now , and [you]0-i ’ve never made such a drastic change like this before . [I]92-jp ’m just worried the stress is overwhelming , [[your]0-i parents]396-your parents are n’t around , [you]0-i ’re trying to find some semblance of control , and [your]0-i appearance is the one thing [you]0-i feel [you]0-i can control . So [you]0-i cut [your]0-i hair . [I]92-jp ’m worried this pattern will continue , and who knows what [you]0-i will do next . ”[92-jp] [I]0-i rear back , absolutely offended by [his]92-jp assumption . Firstly , where does [he]92-jp come off , even thinking [he]92-jp has a say in [my]0-i appearance ? Secondly , does [he]92-jp truly not see how happy [I]0-i was in that picture [I]0-i sent [him]92-jp ? “ [Brian]100-brian , it ’s a haircut . It ’s not like [I]92-jp went off and tattooed a penis on [my]92-jp face . And [my]92-jp decision to do this has nothing to do with [you]100-brian and everything to do with [me]92-jp . [I]92-jp wanted to feel pretty . ”[92-jp] “ [You]100-brian were just fine before . There ’s no need to change anything . ”[92-jp] “ Just fine ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , rising from the couch . “ [I]92-jp was just fine before ? Could n’t think of a better adjective than that ? ”[92-jp] [He]92-jp presses [his]92-jp hand to [his]92-jp forehead . “ Pretty , [I]92-jp meant pretty . ”[92-jp] [He]92-jp lets out a huff . “ It ’s been a long day . [I]92-jp ’ve been worried about [you]100-brian , and getting this flight was hard , so excuse [me]92-jp if [my]92-jp words are not what they ’re supposed to be right now . ”[92-jp] “ [I]103-god need [your]92-jp words to not be condescending , and [I]103-god do n’t think that ’s too much to ask . ”[103-god] “ Where is this all coming from ? ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp asks . “ [I]92-jp feel like [you]92-jp ’re angry with [me]92-jp . ”[92-jp] What clued [you]92-jp in ? [Good God]103-god . “ [I]0-i am angry with [you]92-jp , ”[0-i] [I]0-i shout . “ [Jesus]90-jesus christ , [Brian]100-brian . This whole wedding and dealing with [[your]100-brian mom]2455-your mom and [your]100-brian reaction to [my]0-i hair , it ’s been a nightmare . And [you]100-brian . . . [you]100-brian never want to have sex with [me]0-i . Why is that ? ”[0-i] [He]92-jp looks at [me]0-i , confused . “ Yes , [I]92-jp do , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says . “ No , [you]0-i do n’t . [We]3263-we have n’t had sex in two weeks . Do n’t [you]100-brian think that ’s weird ? Do n’t [you]100-brian think [we]3263-we should be at [each other]288-each other ’s bodies every chance [we]3263-we get , peeling off [our]3263-we clothes and finding pleasure in [each other]288-each other ? ”[92-jp] “ It ’s been a rough couple of weeks , [Lia]168-lia . ”[92-jp] “ [We]3263-we did n’t even have sex the night [you]92-jp proposed . [I]92-jp fell asleep while [you]92-jp were on a business call . ”[92-jp] “ With clients from [Japan]35-japan . What choice do [I]92-jp have ? ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp asks , [his]92-jp voice growing angrier . “ [You]0-i have a choice , and it ’s called [me]92-jp , but [you]0-i do n’t choose [me]92-jp . Am [I]92-jp just some sort of . . . accessory to [your]0-i life check - off list ? ”[92-jp] “ No , [Lia]168-lia , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says as [he]92-jp stands and moves toward [me]0-i . “ [I]92-jp love [you]0-i . [You]0-i ’re going to be [[my]92-jp wife]2159-my wife . ”[92-jp] “ Then why do n’t [you]92-jp want to have sex with [me]92-jp ? ”[92-jp] “ [I]92-jp do , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says , [his]92-jp hands going to [my]0-i shoulders . “ It ’s just . . . it ’s been hard lately , okay ? ”[92-jp] “ Are [you]92-jp . . . are [you]92-jp cheating on [me]92-jp ? Are [you]92-jp getting sex somewhere else , and that ’s why [you]92-jp do n’t want to do it with [me]92-jp ? ”[92-jp] “ [Lia]168-lia , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says sternly . “ Do n’t even fucking say that . [You]168-lia know that ’s not the kind of man [I]92-jp am . ”[92-jp] And [I]0-i believe [him]92-jp because [he]92-jp might work long nights and sometimes say the wrong thing , but [I]0-i know for certain that [Brian]100-brian would never do that . [[His]92-jp dad]662-his dad cheated on [[his]92-jp mom]408-his mom many times , and [he]92-jp saw how that hurt [her]408-his mom . [He]92-jp always said [he]92-jp would never do that to [[his]92-jp wife]553-his wife . “ [I]0-i know . [I]0-i ’m sorry , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , feeling shameful for bringing it up . “ Do [you]168-lia think [we]3267-we ’re in some sort of rut ? [I]0-i mean , [you]168-lia do n’t even like it when [I]0-i give [you]168-lia a blow job . ”[0-i] “ [I]1395-i ’ve never liked [them]3268-them , [Lia]168-lia . It ’s not just [you]168-lia . [I]1395-i feel bad when [a girl]2056-a girl has to just sit there and suck on [my]1395-i dick , okay ? ”[1395-i] “ But what if [I]0-i wanted to ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , trailing [my]0-i fingers up [his]1395-i shirt . [He]1395-i stops [my]0-i touch and links [our]1396-we hands together . “ [I]1395-i still feel like it ’s demeaning . [You]168-lia deserve better than to have to pleasure [me]1395-i like that . ”[1395-i] “ It ’s not demeaning , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ It ’s a way to show [[your]168-lia partner]2865-your partner how [you]168-lia love [them]2865-your partner . ”[0-i] [He]1395-i shakes [his]1395-i head . “ It ’s demeaning to [me]1395-i . ”[1395-i] “ Okay , then what about like . . . spanking or toys ? [We]1396-we ’ve never tried that . ”[1395-i] “ Because [we]1396-we do n’t need that kind of fanfare . [I]1395-i do n’t need a vibrator to get [you]168-lia off . [I]1395-i can do that [myself]1395-i . ”[1395-i] Not every time , though . . . “ It ’s not about [you]168-lia not being able to get [me]1395-i off . It ’s about having fun , doing new things . ”[1395-i] “ Let ’s just stop talking about it , okay ? That ’s not a concern at the moment . ”[1395-i] “ It is for [me]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , [my]0-i voice rising . “ [I]0-i do n’t want to marry someone who does n’t want to have sex with [me]0-i , [Brian]100-brian . ”[0-i] “ Excuse [me]1395-i ? ”[1395-i] [he]1395-i asks . “ [You]1395-i do n’t want to marry [me]1395-i ? ”[1395-i] “ No , [I]0-i do . [I]0-i ’m just saying [we]1396-we ’re having some issues , and [I]0-i think [they]3271-they need to be sorted before [we]1396-we get married . [I]0-i think it ’s important . ”[0-i] “ The only issue [I]0-i have is that [you]168-lia seem to be getting these ideas in [your]168-lia head about [me]0-i , and [I]0-i have no clue where they ’re coming from . [We]1396-we were fine before all of this , so why now ? Why are [you]168-lia second - guessing [our]1396-we relationship ? ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’m not second - guessing , [I]0-i ’m just trying to iron out some kinks , and [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i should be chastised for that . [I]0-i mean , when [I]0-i ’ve asked [you]168-lia for [your]168-lia support with [[your]168-lia mom]2455-your mom about the wedding stuff , [you]168-lia take [her]2455-your mom side . Do n’t [you]168-lia think [you]168-lia should be taking [[your]168-lia future wife]3273-your future wife ’s side ? ”[0-i] “ Why does there have to be a side ? Why is n’t there a compromise ? ”[0-i] “ Because [[your]168-lia mom]2455-your mom does n’t understand the word compromise . ”[0-i] “ Pretty sure [she]2455-your mom ’s cut down the guest list , [we]1396-we ’re now getting married in [a garden]3275-a garden rather than [a church]560-a church , and there are daisies in the wedding to represent [[your]168-lia mom]2455-your mom . None of those were on [[my]0-i mother]2272-my mother ’s list to begin with . ”[0-i] “ [[Your]168-lia mother]2244-your mother should n’t even have a list . [[Your]168-lia mother]2244-your mother should n’t be this involved . ”[0-i] “ [She]2244-your mother ’s representing [me]0-i , [Lia]168-lia . Since [I]0-i ’m busy , [she]2244-your mother ’s taking on the responsibility of standing up for what [I]0-i want . ”[0-i] “ Oh really ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ So [you]168-lia believe it ’s imperative to have roses at [your]168-lia wedding ? ”[0-i] “ Yes , [I]0-i think they ’re eloquent . ”[0-i] “ Please , [Brian]100-brian . [You]100-brian could n’t care less what ’s happening at the wedding . [You]100-brian ’re just going to show up . ”[0-i] “ That ’s not true . [I]0-i want what ’s going to look nice , what ’s going to represent [the family]2096-the family , and a day [we]3282-we can remember forever . ”[0-i] “ It ’s not always about image , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i move past [him]1397-you . “ Why do [you]1397-you keep arguing about this ? [You]1397-you ’re getting [your]1397-you way with things . Why are [you]1397-you making a big deal about it ? ”[0-i] “ Because if this was what [I]0-i wanted , [we]3282-we would n’t be having it at [the club]2119-the club , [we]3282-we would n’t be inviting [people]2122-people [I]0-i do n’t know , and [I]0-i would n’t be changing into three dresses . ”[0-i] “ But it ’s not all about [you]1397-you , [Lia]168-lia . [You]1397-you might be [the bride]461-the bride , but [I]0-i ’m [the groom]722-the groom , and there has to be pieces of [me]0-i in the wedding planning as well . [[My]0-i mother]2272-my mother knows what that is . ”[0-i] “ Well , maybe if [you]1397-you talked to [me]1398-me about what [you]1397-you wanted , [I]1398-me could help pick those things out . ”[1398-me] [He]1398-me blows out a heavy breath . “ [You]1397-you ’re creating a fight over nothing . Like [I]1398-me said , something has gotten in [your]1397-you head , and [you]1397-you ’re trying to find any excuse not to . . . not to go through with this . And if that ’s the case , [Lia]168-lia , just tell [me]1398-me now . [I]1398-me do n’t want to get to [our]3288-our wedding day and have [you]1397-you run out on [me]1398-me because [you]1397-you finally found the courage to do so . ”[1398-me] “ [Brian]100-brian , [I]0-i ’m not trying to get out of this , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , feeling defeated . “ [I]0-i ’m just trying to get [you]100-brian to understand where [I]0-i ’m coming from . [I]0-i want [us]3288-our to be okay . [I]0-i want [you]1397-you to be on [my]0-i side . To want [me]0-i . To not think [I]0-i ’m going through some sort of crisis because [I]0-i changed [my]0-i hair . [I]0-i mean . . . are [you]100-brian going to judge [me]0-i when [I]0-i walk down [the aisle]745-the aisle ? Are [you]100-brian going to think [my]0-i dress is ugly ? Is that something [I]0-i should worry about ? ”[0-i] “ No , [[my]0-i mother]2272-my mother sent [me]0-i a picture . It ’s a pretty dress . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause and tilt [my]0-i head to the side . “ [[Your]0-i mother]2244-your mother . . . sent [you]0-i a picture of [my]0-i dress ? ”[0-i] “ Yes , [she]2244-your mother wanted to make sure [I]0-i approved . ”[0-i] “ That ’s not . . . that ’s not something [you]0-i need to approve . That ’s [my]1399-you decision . ”[1399-you] “ Do [you]0-i hear [yourself]0-i ? ”[1399-you] [he]1399-you asks . “ [You]0-i ’re being so selfish . This wedding is n’t just about [you]0-i , [Lia]168-lia . ”[1399-you] “ [I]0-i did n’t say it was , ”[0-i] [I]0-i yell . “ God , [you]1399-you ’re so infuriating . [I]0-i ’m so glad [you]1399-you freaking came here to fix things . Good job . ”[0-i] [I]0-i move toward [the kitchen]497-the kitchen and grab [myself]0-i a sparkling water . “ Does any of this have to do with [Breaker]68-breaker ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause , the hairs on the back of [my]0-i neck spring to attention , and [I]0-i feel [my]0-i inner rage spike to DEFCON 1 levels . “ [I]0-i swear to [God]103-god , [Brian]100-brian , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i spin on [my]0-i heel . “ Bring [him]68-breaker up one more time , and [I]0-i will end this engagement , this wedding , and this relationship . This has nothing to do with [him]68-breaker and everything to do with [us]3292-us and [our]3292-us disconnect . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i do n’t feel a disconnect . ”[0-i] “ Because [you]100-brian ’re not here , ”[0-i] [I]0-i shout . “ [You]100-brian ’re so blind , so clueless . [I]0-i mean , hell , [I]0-i ’m offering to put [your]100-brian dick in [my]0-i mouth , and [you]100-brian ca n’t even fathom the idea . [You]100-brian should want [your]100-brian dick in [my]0-i mouth . ”[0-i] “ [You]100-brian want to suck [me]1401-me off ? ”[1401-me] [he]1401-me yells . [He]1401-me sits down on the couch and leans back . “ Fine , [Lia]168-lia . Suck [me]1401-me off . ”[1401-me] “ [You]100-brian ’re such [an asshole]3229-an asshole , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i walk back to [the bedroom]1154-the bedroom . * * * BREAKER “ [I]0-i do n’t feel very good , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [JP]92-jp and [Huxley]92-jp walk [me]0-i to [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment . “ Because [you]0-i had three shots of Scotch in ten minutes , realized [your]0-i mistake , tried to counteract with buttery croissants and water , and now [your]0-i stomach has no idea what to do with itself , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ If [you]0-i puke on [my]92-jp shoes , [I]92-jp ’ll murder [you]0-i , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ Why did [I]92-jp have to come [home]373-home ? [I]92-jp do n’t want to hear [her]3295-she having sex . ”[92-jp] [I]0-i rest [my]0-i head on [Huxley]92-jp ’s shoulder . “ [I]0-i bet [she]3295-she ’s a sweet moaner . ”[0-i] “ Can [you]92-jp not speak so closely to [my]92-jp face ? ”[92-jp] “ [I]92-jp bet [she]3295-she has the best - tasting pussy ever , like . . . a fresh field of flowers . ”[92-jp] “ When was the last time [you]92-jp ate pussy ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks as [we]1404-we reach [my]0-i door . [Huxley]92-jp unlocks it and lets [us]1404-we in . “ [I]92-jp ca n’t remember , but [I]92-jp bet [you]92-jp [hers]3295-she is fantastic . ”[92-jp] “ Just dump [him]92-jp on [his]92-jp couch , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ No , [[my]92-jp bedroom]496-my bedroom . [I]92-jp want to smell the pillow [she]3295-she used the other night . It smells like [her]3295-she . [I]92-jp want to clutch it . ”[92-jp] “ [I]92-jp do n’t think [I]92-jp ’ve ever seen a more embarrassing display of [a man]2121-a man , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ If only [Kelsey]113-kelsey did n’t take [my]92-jp phone away so [I]92-jp could n’t record anything . ”[92-jp] “ [Kelsey]113-kelsey is an angel sent from the heavens above , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say while clutching [JP]92-jp . “ And [Lottie]96-lottie , well , [she]3295-she ’s funny , and [I]0-i like that [she]3295-she busts [your]92-jp balls all the time , [Huxley]92-jp . [I]0-i ’ve never seen [a woman]658-a woman put [you]92-jp in [your]92-jp place like [her]3295-she . [God]103-god , the way [you]92-jp grovel around [her]3295-she , talk about embarrassing . But that ’s what [I]0-i ’d do with [Lia]168-lia , [I]0-i would worship the ground [she]3295-she walks on . ”[0-i] “ That ’s great , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says as [he]92-jp pushes [me]0-i back on [my]0-i bed . [I]0-i tumble onto it with a plop . [I]0-i hold [my]0-i feet up and say , “ Shoes . Please take off [my]92-jp shoes . ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp points at [me]0-i , then [JP]92-jp , and says , “ Go ahead , remove the shoes . ”[92-jp] “ Why do n’t [you]92-jp remove the shoes ? ”[92-jp] “ Because [I]92-jp ’m [the older brother]3299-the older brother , which automatically puts [me]92-jp in the managerial role . ”[92-jp] “ Are [you]92-jp saying [you]92-jp ’ll manage how [I]92-jp take off [his]92-jp shoes ? ”[92-jp] “ Yeah , now take them off . ”[92-jp] “ How about [you]92-jp both take one off ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , wiggling [my]0-i feet . “ [I]0-i could also use some more water . And maybe a bucket . [I]0-i do n’t want to puke on the floor , and [I]0-i have a good feeling that might happen . ”[0-i] [JP]92-jp turns to [Huxley]92-jp and says , “ Shoes or puke pail and water ? ”[92-jp] [He]92-jp groans and walks off toward [the kitchen]497-the kitchen . “ [He]92-jp ’s such [a grumble gus]3300-a grumble gus , is n’t [he]92-jp ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]0-i hate [you]92-jp right now , [you]92-jp know that ? [You]92-jp interrupted [my]0-i entire Sunday . [Kelsey]113-kelsey was supposed to spend the day naked in [the house]2449-the house , and now [I]0-i ’ve had to drag [your]92-jp sorry carcass around and take off [your]92-jp goddamn shoes . ”[0-i] “ And socks . ”[92-jp] [He]92-jp slips off [my]0-i shoes , followed by [my]0-i socks , just as [Huxley]92-jp comes into [the bedroom]1154-the bedroom with water and a puke pail . “ Wow , [you]92-jp two are [true heroes]3302-true heroes . The best brothers [a guy]2422-a guy could ask for . ”[92-jp] [I]0-i spread [my]0-i arms wide on [my]0-i bed . “ Come give [me]0-i a hug . ”[0-i] “ And risk [you]92-jp puking all over [us]92-jp ? No , thank [you]92-jp , ”[92-jp] says [JP]92-jp . [Huxley]92-jp pulls on the back of [his]92-jp neck , observing [me]0-i . “ Do [you]92-jp think [we]92-jp need to stay with [him]92-jp ? ”[92-jp] “ [He]92-jp ’s not that drunk , just [stupid drunk]3304-stupid drunk . [He]92-jp ’ll sleep it off and be fine . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i can tell there ’s a headache in [my]0-i future . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause and then sit up . “ Wait . . . did [I]92-jp donate to the pigeons ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp shakes [his]92-jp head . “ [I]92-jp tried to get [you]0-i to , but [Kelsey]113-kelsey stopped [me]92-jp . ”[92-jp] “ Thank fuck for that angel of [yours]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i let out a large sigh , then grab the pillow [Lia]168-lia used , pulling it into [my]0-i chest , where [I]0-i give it a large squeeze . “ Fuck , [she]168-lia smells so good . Like a field of flowers . ”[0-i] “ [I]92-jp thought that ’s what [her]168-lia pussy tasted like , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ [You]0-i need to work on [your]0-i descriptors . ”[92-jp] “ [She]168-lia ’s just flowers everywhere . One giant flower . ”[0-i] [I]0-i moan out [her]168-lia name . “ Oh , [Ophelia]70-ophelia . ”[0-i] “ Okay , shit ’s getting weird , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says , taking a step back . “ [I]92-jp think [we]3305-we have the right to vacate [the premises]3306-the premises . ”[92-jp] “ Yeah , [I]92-jp think [you]92-jp ’re right . ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp pats [my]0-i foot . “ Call [us]3305-we if [you]0-i need anything . ”[92-jp] “ [I]92-jp need [you]0-i to break up the wedding . Thank [you]0-i , and have a good day . ”[92-jp] “ Yeah , [we]3305-we ’ll get right on that , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says as [they]1407-they both walk away . “ [Angels]3307-angels , all of [you]3307-angels are [angels]3307-angels . ”[92-jp] And then [I]0-i pass out into [my]0-i pillow . * * * [LIA]168-lia The front door shuts , and [I]0-i bring [my]0-i legs to [my]0-i chest , holding [them]1408-them closely . After another two hours of fighting , [Brian]100-brian and [I]0-i both thought that maybe it was best to take a moment to cool off . [He]1409-he ’s going to [[his]1409-he place]2814-his place for the rest of the night while [I]0-i ’m staying [here]249-here . [He]1409-he asked if [I]0-i was going to go talk to [Breaker]68-breaker , and [I]0-i told [him]1409-he [I]0-i had no intention of going over to [[Breaker]68-breaker ’s place]1412-breaker ’s place . [I]0-i ’m not even sure [he]1409-he ’s [home]373-home , as [I]0-i heard [him]1409-he leave earlier , so [I]0-i have no idea what [he]1409-he ’s doing . And [I]0-i ’m not in the mood to see [anyone]2080-anyone . Am [I]0-i wrong in this situation ? Am [I]0-i being selfish ? [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i am . [I]0-i ’m not asking for much from [him]1409-he . [I]0-i ’m just asking [him]1409-he to talk to [me]0-i , to want [me]0-i , to be the fiancé [I]0-i deserve . And if [he]1409-he ca n’t give [me]0-i the attention [I]0-i deserve right now , who ’s to say [he]1409-he ’d be able to give it to [me]0-i when [we]1415-we ’re married ? And [The Beave]111-the beave sent a fucking photo of the dress [I]0-i chose to see if [he]1409-he approved ? What am [I]0-i ? [A preschooler]1416-a preschooler ? [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i ’ve ever been more confused in [my]0-i life . [I]0-i rest [my]0-i head against the couch just as [my]0-i phone lights up with a text message . [Breaker]68-breaker : How was the blow job ? If only [he]1409-he knew . [Lia]168-lia : Nonexistent . The dots pop up , indicating [he]1409-he ’s texting back , so [I]0-i lie on [my]0-i side on the couch and pull a blanket over [me]0-i while [I]0-i wait for [him]1409-he to respond . [Breaker]68-breaker : Shame . [I]0-i gave [you]168-lia some good tips . Really good . Like . . . so good . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i ’m sure [you]0-i did . [Breaker]68-breaker : [I]0-i really like the sucking of the tip , it feels so fucking good , [Lia]168-lia . Uhh . . . okay . Not sure what ’s going on , but maybe it ’s a continuation of the conversation from earlier . [Lia]168-lia : Yes , [you]0-i stated that earlier . Breaker : What about [you]168-lia , do [you]168-lia like . . . the tip ? [Lia]168-lia : Uh , would n’t know , [you]0-i know , since [I]0-i have n’t done it . [Breaker]68-breaker : [You]168-lia would like it . [I]0-i know [you]168-lia would . [I]0-i can see it in [your]168-lia eyes . Fuck , [I]0-i bet [you]168-lia give the best head . [My]0-i cheeks flush again , and [I]0-i ’m so unsure of what ’s happening that [I]0-i consider walking over to [[his]68-breaker apartment]990-his apartment to see if [he]68-breaker ’s okay . Instead , [I]0-i just text [him]68-breaker back . [Lia]168-lia : So far , reviews are n’t in [my]0-i favor . [Breaker]68-breaker : Because [you]168-lia ’re sucking [the wrong dick]1418-the wrong dick . [Lia]168-lia : Apparently . [Breaker]68-breaker : What did [he]68-breaker do ? Did [he]68-breaker get to taste [you]168-lia ? [Lia]168-lia : No . [My]0-i breath picks up , becoming more labored as [I]0-i wait for [him]68-breaker to text [me]0-i back . [Breaker]68-breaker : Good . Good ? [I]0-i sit up now as [I]0-i stare down at [my]0-i phone . [Breaker]68-breaker : [He]68-breaker does n’t deserve to taste [you]168-lia . [I]0-i glance over at the wall [we]1419-we share as if [I]0-i can see through it . What ’s [he]68-breaker doing ? Is [he]68-breaker [home]373-home ? [Lia]168-lia : Is everything okay , [Breaker]68-breaker ? [Breaker]68-breaker : [You]168-lia tell [me]0-i . [Lia]168-lia : What is that supposed to mean ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Why are [you]168-lia texting [me]0-i and not fucking [Brian]100-brian right now ? [My]0-i palms sweat , [my]0-i fingers slide along [my]0-i phone , nothing making sense , but also , the sound of [his]68-breaker sultry voice from earlier repeats in [my]0-i head . [Lia]168-lia : [We]1421-we got in a fight , and [we]1421-we ’re taking a second to cool down . [Breaker]68-breaker : Did [he]68-breaker say some bullshit about [you]168-lia again ? [I]0-i swear to [God]103-god , [I]0-i will end [him]68-breaker if [he]68-breaker did . [You]168-lia ’re so fucking beautiful , [Lia]168-lia . Do n’t let [him]68-breaker make [you]168-lia think otherwise . [I]0-i drop [my]0-i phone onto the couch and stand , [my]0-i heart racing . What is actually happening ? This is Breaker . [We]1421-we always stand up for [each other]288-each other , but this feels different . It sounds different . [My]0-i phone buzzes again , and [I]0-i see that it ’s from [Breaker]68-breaker . [My]0-i mind tells [me]0-i not to look , but [my]0-i heart is begging [me]0-i to . The heart wins out . [Breaker]68-breaker : What did [he]68-breaker say to [you]168-lia ? [I]0-i pace the length of [[my]0-i living room]1121-my living room as [I]0-i text [him]68-breaker back . [Lia]168-lia : Just asked [me]0-i if [I]0-i ’m having some sort of crisis because of [my]0-i haircut and [my]0-i questions about sex . [Breaker]68-breaker : [Bro]198-bro is [a goddamn fool]1192-a goddamn fool . [He]68-breaker should be fucking [you]168-lia every chance [he]68-breaker gets , especially with [your]168-lia new hairstyle . So sexy , Ophelia , fuck . . . [I]0-i let out a low groan , [my]0-i eyes swimming with uncertain tears . Because how can [Breaker]68-breaker , [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend , talk like this ? How can [he]68-breaker say everything [I]0-i want [Brian]100-brian to say ? [Brian]100-brian can hardly even look at [me]0-i , kiss [me]0-i , or acknowledge that [I]0-i ’m a slight distraction from [his]68-breaker ever - consuming work . Another text comes in . [Breaker]68-breaker : Why is n’t [he]68-breaker fucking [you]168-lia ? Giving up on trying to figure out what is going on , [I]0-i move to [[my]0-i bedroom]496-my bedroom , where [I]0-i flop on the bed , [my]0-i headboard hitting the wall . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i do n’t know , [Breaker]68-breaker . Breaker : Did [you]168-lia just lie down in [your]168-lia bed ? [Lia]168-lia : Yes , are [you]168-lia [home]373-home ? Breaker : Yes , in [my]0-i bed , thinking about [you]168-lia . [I]0-i squeeze [my]0-i eyes shut and count to five before [I]0-i answer , before [I]0-i say something stupid — because [I]0-i ’m extremely emotional . [Lia]168-lia : Why are [you]168-lia thinking about [me]0-i ? Breaker : [I]0-i ’m always thinking about [you]168-lia . [Lia]168-lia : [You]168-lia ca n’t always be thinking about [me]0-i . [Breaker]68-breaker : [I]0-i am . When [I]0-i wake up , [I]0-i wonder how [I]0-i can possibly interact with [you]168-lia , how [I]0-i can catch a glimpse of [your]168-lia smile . Throughout the day , [I]0-i know that if [I]0-i need a pick - [me]0-i - up , some comfort , or fun , [you]168-lia ’re [the person [I]0-i want to see]1428-the person i want to see . And at night , when [I]0-i go to sleep , [you]168-lia ’re the last thing [I]0-i think of before [I]0-i shut [my]0-i eyes . [My]0-i teeth roll over [my]0-i bottom lip as [I]0-i text [him]0-i back . [Lia]168-lia : [You]0-i say that as if it means more . [Breaker]68-breaker : Maybe it does . [Lia]168-lia : What are [you]0-i trying to do ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Nothing . [Lia]168-lia : [We]1429-we do n’t say things like that to [each other]288-each other . Breaker : Yeah , well . . . maybe [we]1429-we should . [Lia]168-lia : What are [you]0-i talking about ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Never mind . [You]168-lia wo n’t get it . [You]168-lia have [Brian]100-brian . [Lia]168-lia : [Breaker]68-breaker , what the hell are [you]68-breaker trying to say ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Nothing . Not a damn thing . [I]0-i need to sleep this shit off . [I]0-i ’ll talk to [you]168-lia tomorrow . [Lia]168-lia : No , talk to [me]0-i now . When [he]68-breaker does n’t reply , [I]0-i text again . [Lia]168-lia : Breaker , do [I]0-i need to come over there ? [Lia]168-lia : Breaker . . . [I]0-i stare at [my]0-i phone , waiting for a response as [my]0-i heart races . What is [he]68-breaker talking about ? It almost seems like . . . like [he]68-breaker has feelings or something , but that ca n’t be right . This is [Breaker]68-breaker . [He]68-breaker does n’t do feelings , right ? When [he]68-breaker does n’t text back , [I]0-i almost walk over to [[his]68-breaker apartment]990-his apartment until [I]0-i hear one solid , heavy knock against the wall . Then four . Then three . And then there ’s silence . One knock . Four . Three . [My]0-i mind quickly translates it : [I]0-i love [you]168-lia . [He]68-breaker ’s never knocked like that before . Never three words , never by [himself]68-breaker . So what does that mean ? What does this all freaking mean ? Tears of frustration rise to [my]0-i eyes as [my]0-i phone dings with a text message . Hoping [Breaker]68-breaker is texting to explain it all , [I]0-i quickly check the screen , but [I]0-i ’m quickly disappointed . [Brian]100-brian : [I]0-i ’m sorry about [our]1432-our fight . [I]0-i love [you]168-lia very much , remember that . [You]168-lia ’ll be [[my]0-i wife]2159-my wife in four weeks , and [we]1432-our have the rest of [our]1432-our lives to figure out the details . Groaning , [I]0-i toss [my]0-i phone to the side and cover [my]0-i eyes with [my]0-i hands . [I]0-i need to escape from all of this . [Chapter Fifteen BREAKER JP]36-chapter fifteen breaker jp : How ’re [you]168-lia feeling , [Big Boy]1434-big boy ? Clutching a cup of coffee , [I]0-i text [JP]92-jp and [Huxley]92-jp back in [our]1432-our group thread . [Breaker]68-breaker : Do n’t call [me]0-i that . And not fucking great . [I]0-i texted some really stupid shit to [Lia]168-lia last night . [JP]92-jp : [I]0-i ’m going to need a copy of that text thread for [my]0-i own enjoyment . [Huxley]92-jp : [I]0-i normally do n’t participate in [JP]92-jp ’s shenanigans , but [I]0-i ’m interested in what [you]168-lia said as well . Breaker : Love how supportive [[you]168-lia two]2100-you two are . [JP]92-jp : If anything , [we]1432-our ’re here for [you]168-lia , [bro]1436-bro . Breaker : Yeah , [I]0-i can tell . [Huxley]92-jp : What did [you]68-breaker say ? Breaker : Oh , pretty much everything besides [I]0-i love [you]92-jp , and [I]0-i wish [you]92-jp were [mine]0-i . Just skirted around all of that . [Her]1437-her responses showed clear confusion , for obvious reasons , and now [I]0-i have to get [myself]0-i together to go taste cake with [her]1437-her and [[her]1437-her soon - to - be mother - in - law]1438-her soon - to - be mother - in - law because the fight [she]1437-her got into with [Brian]100-brian last night clearly was n’t bad enough for [her]1437-her to warrant calling off the wedding . [JP]92-jp : Sounds like the seventh circle of hell . Breaker : Pretty much . [Huxley]92-jp : Are [you]68-breaker going to mention the texts ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Should [I]0-i ? Or should [I]0-i just act normal , as if nothing happened ? [JP]92-jp : [I]0-i would go with the nothing happened . Do n’t bring attention to [your]68-breaker stupidity . [She]1437-her has enough stupid to deal with when it comes to [Brian]100-brian . [Huxley]92-jp : [I]0-i do n’t tend to agree with [JP]92-jp very often , but [I]0-i would have to say [he]92-jp ’s probably right on this one . Just act like everything is normal . [Breaker]68-breaker : And what happens when [I]0-i see [her]1437-her , and all [I]0-i want to do is reach out and kiss [her]1437-her ? [JP]92-jp : Uh , remember consent is a real thing . [Huxley]92-jp : [You]68-breaker ca n’t just kiss [women]2055-women without [them]2055-women saying yes , so there [you]68-breaker go . Avoid the lawsuit . [We]1440-we already have one [we]1440-we ’re dealing with . Breaker : Thanks for the reminder . Okay , [I]0-i have to get going . Not going to mention the texts , not going to kiss [her]1437-her , and [I]0-i ’m going to act like everything is normal . [JP]92-jp : Best plan of action . [Huxley]92-jp : Still going to wait on the texts from last night . Breaker : Hux , [you]92-jp ’re starting to sound like [JP]92-jp . JP : Ca n’t say that ’s a bad thing . [I]0-i stand , take one last sip of [my]0-i coffee , and then go back to [[my]0-i bathroom]1441-my bathroom where [I]0-i brush [my]0-i teeth and then rinse with mouthwash as well . [I]0-i check [myself]0-i in the mirror one last time and then head toward [my]0-i front door just as there ’s a knock on it . Right on time . [I]0-i muster up a smile , open the door , and say , “ Morning , [Lia]168-lia , ”[0-i] in the cheeriest , non - awkward , nothing happened at all tones . Dressed in a purple pair of shorts and a white lace top , [she]1437-her has styled [her]1437-her hair half up and half down , pulling the front strands away from [her]1437-her face , which emphasizes [her]1437-her gorgeous green eyes . Fuck , [she]1437-her ’s so beautiful . “ Hey , ”[1437-her] [she]1437-her says shyly . [I]0-i need to drive [our]1442-we conversation right past last night ’s awkward texts and straight into denial , acting like it never happened . “ Are [you]1437-her ready to go ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask while [I]0-i pat [my]0-i stomach . “ It might be early , but [I]0-i held off breakfast so [I]0-i can take down some cake . ”[0-i] Actually , eating cake is the last freaking thing on [my]0-i list at the moment since [I]0-i still have a touch of booze belly , but [we]1442-we make sacrifices for [the ones [we]1442-we love]1443-the ones we love , right ? “ Uh , yeah . [I]1442-we did n’t eat breakfast either . ”[1442-we] “ Two peas in a pod , are n’t [we]1442-we ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i loop [my]0-i arm around [her]1437-her , shut [my]0-i door behind [me]0-i , and walk [her]1437-her toward [the elevator]319-the elevator . From the confused look on [her]1437-her face , [I]0-i might need to tone down the chipper attitude a bit . [I]0-i hit the down button and stick [my]0-i hand in [my]0-i pocket . “ Get a good sleep ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , not sure what else to say . “ Not really , ”[1437-her] [she]1437-her says . “ No ? Were [you]0-i thinking too much about what flavor [The Beave]111-the beave will force [you]0-i to get ? [My]1437-her guess , something boring like vanilla on vanilla . ”[1437-her] [She]1437-her glances up at [me]0-i while the elevator doors open . [I]0-i can sense [her]1437-her confusion and [her]1437-her desire to talk about last night , but like [I]0-i said , [we]1445-we ’re plowing ahead . No need to dwell on the past and things [I]0-i might have said under the influence . Denial . Denial . Denial . “ So what do [you]0-i think the flavor will be ? ”[1445-we] [We]1445-we ride [the elevator]319-the elevator down as [she]1437-her says , “ Uh , well . . . [you]0-i ’re probably right . Vanilla on vanilla . ”[1437-her] “ But [we]1445-we ’re going to fuck up that idea , are n’t [we]1445-we ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i wink at [her]1437-her . “ Yeah , [I]0-i guess [we]1445-we are . ”[0-i] “ That ’s the spirit . ”[1445-we] [We]1445-we step off the elevator and walk toward [[my]0-i car]1105-my car . “ Now , there ’s one thing [we]1445-we need to talk about before [we]1445-we arrive at [the bakery]3309-the bakery . ”[0-i] [I]0-i open the passenger car door for [her]1437-her and say , “ Where do [we]1445-we stand on red velvet ? [We]1445-we ’re both [huge fans]3310-huge fans , but is it crazy enough to drive [her]1437-her nuts ? ”[0-i] The smallest of smirks pulls at [her]1437-her lips . “ [I]1437-her do n’t think so . [We]1445-we might have to ask for the cotton candy flavor . ”[1437-her] [She]1437-her steps up to [the car]316-the car , and [I]0-i grab [her]1437-her hand to help [her]1437-her into [her]1437-her seat . For the briefest of moments , [her]1437-her eyes fall to [our]1449-we connected hands before they fall back on [mine]0-i . “ That ’s [[my]0-i girl]2155-my girl , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Cotton candy , all day , every day . ”[0-i] * * * “ Ah , [Breaker]68-breaker . [I]111-the beave was n’t sure [you]68-breaker needed to be here with [us]1449-we during the cake testing as well , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave says , [her]111-the beave nose surprisingly stuck up in the air much more today . “ Oh yeah , [I]111-the beave ’ll be here for everything . Plus , it ’s cake . Ca n’t miss a chance for some free samples . ”[111-the beave] On the drive over , [Lia]168-lia and [I]0-i denied everything from last night beautifully and instead , spoke about many , many , and [I]0-i mean many cake flavors that could throw [The Beave]111-the beave into an absolute fit . It was as if [we]1449-we found a topic that [we]1449-we could exploit and ran with it . “ Very well . ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave pulls [her]111-the beave lightweight jacket that matches [her]111-the beave skirt together . “ Shall [we]1449-we head in ? ”[111-the beave] “ [We]1449-we shall , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , which causes [Lia]168-lia to chuckle . [I]0-i hold the door open for [them]1450-them and then slide in behind [Lia]168-lia , where [I]0-i poke [her]168-lia in the side and then whisper in [her]168-lia ear , “ Do n’t laugh at [me]0-i , or [The Beave]111-the beave will know [we]1449-we ’re in cahoots . ”[0-i] “ Pretty sure it ’s too late for that , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says just as [the baker]1451-the baker greets [us]1449-we . “ [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver , thank [you]108-mrs. beaver so much for joining [us]1449-we today . ”[168-lia] “ Of course . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia gestures to [Lia]168-lia and says , “ This is [Ophelia]70-ophelia , [the bride]461-the bride , and this is [[her]70-ophelia friend]865-her friend , [Breaker Cane]68-breaker . ”[168-lia] “ Hello , it ’s very nice to meet [you]108-mrs. beaver . ”[168-lia] The door opens behind [us]1449-we , and [I]0-i turn around just in time to see [Brian]100-brian walk into [the bakery]3309-the bakery . From the mere sight of [his]1453-he punchable face , [my]0-i irritation rises . What the fuck is [he]1453-he doing [here]249-here ? “ Ah , there [you]168-lia are , [sweetheart]2843-sweetheart , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave says . “ [Brian]100-brian , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says , startled . “ What , uh , what are [you]100-brian doing here ? ”[168-lia] “ [I]1453-he was able to move a few meetings around . Could n’t miss the cake testing . ”[1453-he] [He]1453-he leans in , grabs [her]168-lia by the back of [her]168-lia neck , and kisses [her]168-lia on the lips . When [he]1453-he releases [Lia]168-lia , [he]1453-he turns toward [me]0-i , pats [me]0-i on the shoulder , and says , “ Hey , [man]2061-man . [I]1453-he got it from here . [You]2061-man can take off . ”[1453-he] Uhhh . . . [I]0-i glance at [Lia]168-lia , hoping [she]168-lia does n’t agree with this decision , and to [my]0-i luck , [she]168-lia says , “ No , [Breaker]68-breaker can stay . [I]168-lia ’d love to have [his]68-breaker opinion still . ”[168-lia] Thank fuck for that . “ Okay , sure . The more , [the merrier]3316-the merrier , ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian says with a smile that reads fake . That ’s right , [[you]0-i motherfucker]1455-you motherfucker . As if [he]1453-he can just fucking waltz on in [here]249-here and act like [he]1453-he ’s [the doting fiancé]1457-the doting fiancé . Sure , it ’s a cake testing for [his]1453-he wedding , but [he]1453-he ’s acting like [he]1453-he ’s been at every meeting , and [he]1453-he has n’t . The more , the merrier . . . [he]1453-he can fuck off with that . “ Well , then , why do n’t [you]0-i four take a seat , and [I]1453-he ’ll get the samples ready for presentation ? [I]1453-he ’ll be out shortly . In the meantime , can [I]1453-he have [[my]1453-he assistant]3317-my assistant grab [anyone]2080-anyone champagne ? ”[1453-he] “ Please , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave says . “ One for [everyone]2071-everyone . ”[111-the beave] More like one for each hand , thanks . [I]0-i reach to pull out [Lia]168-lia ’s chair for [her]168-lia , but [Brian]100-brian gives [me]0-i the stink eye of all stink eyes , so [I]0-i back off . Instead , [I]0-i pull out [my]0-i own chair and mentally thank [myself]0-i for being so gentlemanly . [The Beave]111-the beave sits next to [me]0-i , [Brian]100-brian sits next to [The Beave]111-the beave , and [Lia]168-lia sits between [us]1458-we like [a happy little family]1459-a happy little family . Not uncomfortable at all . “ Now , [I]168-lia ’ve informed [the baker]1451-the baker of [our]1458-we preference of flavors , ”[168-lia] [The Beave]111-the beave starts out with . “ What would those be ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Because [I]0-i do n’t think [you]111-the beave asked [Lia]168-lia . ”[0-i] “ [I]100-brian told [her]168-lia what [Lia]168-lia likes , ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian says . “ Oh , and what did [you]111-the beave say ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i question . [Brian]100-brian straightens and says , “ Vanilla bean with vanilla frosting . ”[100-brian] Ha , [we]1458-we fucking knew it . “ That ’s not what [she]168-lia prefers , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as the hairs on the back of [my]0-i neck rise , a dog fight about to break out . “ If [she]168-lia has to suffer through something as drab as vanilla , then [she]168-lia prefers to pair it with a raspberry lemon curd . [She]168-lia also enjoys red velvet with cream cheese frosting , but the cake must have chocolate chips in it . If there are no chocolate chips , [she]168-lia wants nothing to do with red velvet . But [her]168-lia favorite flavor is lemon blueberry , which [I]100-brian ’m sure is not an option [you]0-i considered . ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian ’s eyes narrow , and [he]1460-he turns to [Lia]168-lia . “ [You]168-lia have been just fine with vanilla before . ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia looks back and forth between [us]1458-we . “ Well , it ’s not [my]168-lia first pick . ”[168-lia] “ But a pick at that , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave chimes in . “ And since [we]1458-we will have [over three thousand attendees]3321-over three thousand attendees , going with the most common flavor will obviously be the most beneficial choice . ”[111-the beave] “ Three thousand ? ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia asks , looking at [The Beave]111-the beave , then [Brian]100-brian . “ [I]100-brian thought [we]1458-we cut that list down . ”[100-brian] “ [We]1458-we were going to , ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian says , “ but [I]100-brian spoke with [Mother]106-mother last night , and [we]1458-we think it ’s best not to insult [anyone]2080-anyone . ”[100-brian] Except [[your]1461-your damn fiancée]1462-your damn fiancée . “ Not insult [anyone]2080-anyone ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i step in . “ How do [you]100-brian even know [three thousand people]3324-three thousand people ? That seems absurd to [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Well , good thing it ’s not [your]168-lia wedding , ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian shoots back . “ Maybe when [you]168-lia ’re finally able to get [someone]2072-someone to fall in love with [you]168-lia and walk down the aisle instead of creeping on [[other men]3326-other men ’s girls]3327-other men ’s girls , [you]168-lia can choose how many [people attend the wedding]3328-people attend the wedding . ”[100-brian] “ Hey , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says . “ [Brian]100-brian , [he]1464-this guy ’s not creeping on [anyone]2080-anyone . ”[168-lia] “ Now , now , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave says , trying to talk [us]1463-us down , but [my]0-i hands are clenching into fists under the table . Where the fuck does [this guy]1464-this guy get off ? [He]1464-this guy does n’t even know [her]168-lia favorite cake flavor , and [he]1464-this guy thinks [he]1464-this guy can mouth off to [me]0-i ? Before [I]0-i can respond , [The Beave]111-the beave cuts in , “ [Brian]100-brian and [I]111-the beave had a long conversation about the wedding planning that [I]111-the beave frankly thought was getting out of hand , and [we]1463-us agreed on some things last night . ”[111-the beave] “ How the hell could [you]111-the beave have a conversation without [Lia]168-lia ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , [my]0-i anger rolling back [my]0-i politeness . “ Pardon [me]111-the beave ? ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave asks . “ [Mr. Cane]136-mr. cane , it would do [you]136-mr. cane a service not to swear at [me]111-the beave . ”[111-the beave] Yeah , [I]0-i ’m not taking this bullshit today . “ [Mrs. Beaver]108-mrs. beaver , it would do [you]136-mr. cane a service to treat [Lia]168-lia with some respect . In case [you]136-mr. cane ’ve forgotten , [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers and [I]0-i own [this city]3331-this city , [this state]3332-this state , [this country]3333-this country , so unless [you]136-mr. cane want [your]136-mr. cane reputation to completely and utterly tank , [you]136-mr. cane will tell [Lia]168-lia exactly why the plans [you]136-mr. cane ’ve already made are not satisfactory . ”[0-i] From the corner of [my]0-i eye , [I]0-i spot [Lia]168-lia ’s silent gape as [she]168-lia turns toward [me]0-i . [I]0-i ’m not fucking around today . Not after what [Lia]168-lia told [me]0-i about [Brian]100-brian . Not after what [I]0-i said to [her]168-lia last night . Enough is enough . [They]1465-they are n’t going to push around [[my]0-i girl]2155-my girl , not for one more goddamn second . “ Where do [you]111-the beave get off threatening [[my]100-brian mother]2272-my mother like that ? ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian asks , [his]1467-his hands gripping the edge of the table as if [he]1467-his ’s about to flip it . [The Beave]111-the beave pats [his]1467-his arm . “ Relax , [darling]3335-darling , [I]111-the beave can handle this . ”[111-the beave] Poised and calm , [The Beave]111-the beave presses [her]111-the beave hands together and says , “ As [you]111-the beave are aware , this union was not [my]111-the beave first choice for [Brian]100-brian — ”[111-the beave] “ What do [you]111-the beave mean ? ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia asks , [her]168-lia eyes falling on [Brian]100-brian . “ [Mother]106-mother , that ’s not true . [You]106-mother like [Lia]168-lia . ”[168-lia] “ [I]168-lia do . [I]168-lia think [you]168-lia are [a lovely girl]3336-a lovely girl , but if [I]168-lia had [my]168-lia way , [Brian]100-brian would marry [someone with status]3337-someone with status , and unfortunately , that ’s not the case here . And therefore , [I]168-lia am paying for a wedding that reflects [our]3338-we status , even though [he]3339-he ’s marrying [you]168-lia . That is why [we]3338-we switched back to [the church]734-the church , took out the daisies , and invited [the people [we]3338-we originally wanted to invite]3341-the people we originally wanted to invite . ”[168-lia] Wow . [She]1468-she ca n’t be fucking serious . How can someone with an ounce of a conscience go behind [a bride]1469-a bride ’s back and change everything about [her]1469-a bride wedding that [she]1469-a bride agreed upon ? [I]0-i glance at [Brian]100-brian , waiting for [him]1470-he to say something , to stand up for [Lia]168-lia , but instead , [he]1470-he just sits there like [the pitiful , pathetic man [he]1470-he is]1471-the pitiful , pathetic man he is . Looks like [I]0-i ’m going to have to stand up for [her]168-lia , prove to [her]168-lia that [I]0-i ’m [the man [she]168-lia can rely on]1472-the man she can rely on . [I]0-i ’m [the man who deserves [her]168-lia hand]1473-the man who deserves her hand . [I]0-i ’m [the fucking man who can and WILL]1474-the fucking man who can and will make [her]168-lia happy . [I]0-i go to open [my]0-i mouth with a retaliation when [Lia]168-lia turns to [Brian]100-brian and says , “ [You]100-brian allowed [her]168-lia to do that ? It ’s one thing to just sit there and allow [her]168-lia to insult [me]168-lia to [my]168-lia face about how [I]168-lia ’m not the pedigree of woman [she]168-lia would prefer for [you]3342-you to marry , but to have a conversation with [her]168-lia last night , after [we]1476-we fought , and let [her]168-lia change everything about [our]1476-we wedding ? Did [you]100-brian do that out of spite ? ”[168-lia] “ Okay , here are the samples , ”[1451-the baker] [the baker]1451-the baker says , setting a tray in front of [us]1476-we , clearly not sensing the strained tension at the table as [[her]1451-the baker assistant]735-her assistant passes around the champagne . “ [We]1476-we have as requested , the vanilla bean cake with vanilla frosting , the vanilla bean cake with chocolate frosting . The chocolate fudge cake with vanilla frosting , and the chocolate cake with chocolate frosting . ”[1451-the baker] [She]1451-the baker sets some forks down and says , “ Enjoy , ”[1451-the baker] before [she]1451-the baker takes off again . When [the baker]1451-the baker is out of earshot , [Brian]100-brian says , “ [I]100-brian did n’t do anything out of spite . [[My]100-brian mother]2272-my mother was consoling [me]100-brian after [our]1476-we fight , and [we]1476-we discussed how the wedding was stressing [you]168-lia and that [we]1476-we should just let [Mother]106-mother do the planning . ”[100-brian] [Lia]168-lia sits a little taller , [her]168-lia confidence growing . “ The only reason the wedding planning is stressful is because [we]1476-we ’re being forced to get married in four weeks , [[your]168-lia mother]2244-your mother is trying to take over , and [no one]2095-no one seems to be listening to [me]168-lia besides [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[168-lia] “ Because [Breaker]68-breaker wants nothing more than for [our]1476-we relationship to fail , ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian says . Oh wow , look at that . [We]1479-we finally have something [we]1479-we can agree upon . “ [He]68-breaker ’s been nothing but supportive . [He]68-breaker even gave [me]1479-we tips on how to give [you]0-i a blow job . . . one [you]0-i did n’t want . ”[1479-we] “ Jesus , [Mary]194-mary , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave says , clasping [her]111-the beave hand over [her]111-the beave chest as [Brian]100-brian stares [me]0-i down . [I]0-i just shrug [my]0-i shoulders because honestly , what else can [I]0-i do at this point ? [I]0-i lean back and take a sip of the bubbly while [I]0-i enjoy the theatrics . “ Can [we]3346-we show an ounce of decorum ? ”[0-i] “ Why the hell are [you]0-i talking to [Breaker]68-breaker about [our]3346-we sex life ? ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian asks . “ What sex life ? ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia announces , and it takes everything in [me]0-i not to laugh . “ [You]1480-you barely even look at [me]168-lia when [I]168-lia ’m naked . ”[168-lia] Babe , [I]0-i would look at [you]1480-you naked every fucking chance [I]0-i got . Then proceed to fuck [you]1480-you until [you]1480-you ca n’t take anymore . “ [Ophelia]70-ophelia , lower [your]70-ophelia voice , ”[111-the beave] [The Beave]111-the beave chastises . “ Why ? So [people]2122-people do n’t hear that [[your]111-the beave son]2744-your son would rather spend [his]2744-your son nights working on [his]2744-your son computer than fucking [me]111-the beave in bed ? ”[111-the beave] [I]0-i ’m pretty sure the gasp that escapes [The Beave]111-the beave ’s mouth can be heard three blocks away . And the clutching of [her]111-the beave pearls is the perfect addition to [her]111-the beave outrage . Oh , this is good . This is really fucking good . [I]0-i ca n’t hold back [my]0-i smile or stop from wishing there to be more . Keep it coming , [Lia]168-lia . “ [Lia]168-lia , enough , ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian says . “ That is a completely inappropriate way to talk to [[my]100-brian mother]2272-my mother . ”[100-brian] “ But [she]2272-my mother can act like [I]0-i ’m [a second - class citizen]853-a second - class citizen , and [you]100-brian have no problem with that ? Do n’t [you]100-brian see the issue here , [Brian]100-brian ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i do . * mentally raises hand * [I]0-i see it bright as day . Speaking quietly and in an even tone , [The Beave]111-the beave says , “ Let ’s all take a deep breath and focus on the cake . ”[111-the beave] [Lia]168-lia completely ignores [her]111-the beave and turns toward [Brian]100-brian . “ [You]100-brian will always take [her]2272-my mother side , no matter what . [She]2272-my mother can say to [my]100-brian face how [I]100-brian do n’t meet [her]2272-my mother standards , but because [she]2272-my mother ’s so desperate to see [you]100-brian married , [she]2272-my mother ’ll settle for [me]100-brian as [a daughter - in - law]3351-a daughter - in - law . Do [you]100-brian understand how fucked up that is , [Brian]100-brian ? Why would [I]100-brian want to enter [a family who treats [me]100-brian like that]3352-a family who treats me like that ? Why would [I]100-brian want to be with [a man who allows [[his]3353-a man who allows his family to treat me like that family]2303-his family to treat [me]100-brian like that]3353-a man who allows his family to treat me like that ? ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian ’s eyes flit to [[his]1481-his mom]408-his mom and then back at [Lia]168-lia . “ [Mother]409-mother is right . [I]100-brian think [we]3356-we all need to take a deep breath . ”[100-brian] “ [I]168-lia do n’t need a deep breath , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says . “ [I]168-lia have never in [my]168-lia life seen anything more clearly . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia stands from the table and pulls [her]168-lia engagement ring off [her]168-lia ring finger and places it on the table . Another expertly placed gasp by The Beave echoes through [the bakery]3309-the bakery . [I]0-i want to slow clap , encourage this valiant behavior because , [God Almighty]199-god , seeing [Lia]168-lia fired up like this makes [my]0-i goddamn nipples hard . “ [I]199-god ’m done , [Brian]100-brian . [I]199-god should have been done a while ago , but maybe [I]199-god just needed the cold - hearted evidence about why [I]199-god should be done . ”[199-god] “ What are [you]168-lia talking about ? ”[100-brian] [Brian]100-brian asks , panic setting in [his]1484-i eyes . [I]0-i ca n’t tell if it ’s panic from what [[his]1484-i mother]442-his mother might say , from the image being portrayed of [him]1484-i , or if [he]1484-i truly is concerned about [Lia]168-lia . Sad that there are so many options to choose from . “ [You]168-lia treat [me]1484-i like [I]1484-i come third in [your]168-lia life , directly under work and [[your]168-lia mother]2244-your mother , and [I]1484-i do n’t want to be with someone who does n’t consider [me]1484-i [[their]3358-their number one]3359-their number one . [You]168-lia insult [me]1484-i when [you]168-lia say things like [I]1484-i ’m having a mental crisis , that [I]1484-i never should have changed [my]1484-i hair , and that [you]168-lia hate [my]1484-i glasses . [You]168-lia hurt [me]1484-i when [you]168-lia do n’t want to touch [me]1484-i at night , when [you]168-lia do n’t want to even try something new . [I]1484-i think the only reason [I]1484-i ’ve been hanging on for so long is because when [I]1484-i met [you]168-lia , [you]168-lia helped [me]1484-i through the grief of losing [[my]1484-i parents]2089-my parents . But now , [I]1484-i just wonder if that was out of the kindness of [your]168-lia heart , or if that was [you]168-lia trying to use the loss of [them]2089-my parents to get closer to [me]1484-i . ”[1484-i] “ [Lia]168-lia , that is not true . ”[1486-i] [She]1486-i pushes the ring toward [him]1487-you . “ [I]1486-i ’m done . [I]1486-i ’m done with everything . [I]1486-i ’m done feeling like shit when [you]1487-you ’re around . [I]1486-i ’m done worrying if [you]1487-you ’ll actually kiss [me]1486-i or not when [you]1487-you see [me]1486-i . [I]1486-i ’m done asking [myself]1486-i if [I]1486-i ’m good enough for [you]1487-you , good enough for [[your]1487-you family]2210-your family . And [I]1486-i ’m done dealing with [[your]1487-you psychopath mother]3362-your psychopath mother . [I]1486-i need more . [I]1486-i want more . And [I]1486-i sure as hell deserve more . Come on , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[1486-i] [I]0-i stand from [my]0-i chair , ready to be at [her]1488-her beck and call . But because [I]0-i have manners , [I]0-i first address the table before [I]0-i leave . “ Always a pleasure . ”[0-i] [I]0-i ’m about to guide [Lia]168-lia out the door when [she]1488-her turns back around and says , “ Also , [the club]2119-the club is probably [one of the ugliest places [I]1488-her ’ve ever seen]3364-one of the ugliest places i ’ve ever seen , and nothing about [it]2119-the club is elitist other than trying to look elite . ”[1488-her] [She]1488-her then reaches toward the table , palms the chocolate cake with chocolate frosting , and scoops it into [her]1488-her hand . “ [I]1488-her ’m taking this with [me]1488-her because it ’s the only decent flavor on the platter . ”[1488-her] And then [she]1488-her turns and walks out the door , [me]0-i trailing [her]1488-her with the biggest fucking smile on [my]0-i face . * * * “ Holy shit , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [we]1489-we reach [[my]0-i car]1105-my car . “ [Lia]168-lia , [I]1488-her ca n’t fucking believe [you]1488-her did that . ”[1488-her] [She]1488-her ’s shaking and pacing as [she]1488-her holds the cake in [her]1488-her palm . “ Oh [my]1488-her God , oh [my]1488-her God . . . did [I]1488-her just say all of those things ? ”[1488-her] [I]0-i grip [her]1488-her shoulders , stopping [her]1488-her from moving , and bend at the waist to look [her]1488-her in the eyes . “ [You]1488-her fucking did and , [Jesus Christ]90-jesus christ , [I]0-i ’m so proud of [you]1488-her . ”[0-i] “ [You]1488-her are ? ”[1488-her] [Her]1488-her lip trembles , and [I]0-i can see that the adrenaline is starting to wear off . “ Yes , [Lia]168-lia . That was so fucking amazing and well - deserved . Jesus , [my]1488-her nipples got hard in there listening to [you]1488-her . ”[1488-her] That makes [her]1488-her smile . “ Hard nipples , really ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i thrust [my]0-i chest out at [her]1488-her , and with [her]1488-her non - cake - filled hand , [she]1488-her runs [her]1488-her fingers over the hardened nub . “ It is hard . ”[1488-her] “ See . Hell , [I]1488-her ’m so proud of [you]1488-her . How do [you]1488-her feel ? ”[1488-her] [She]1488-her nods , [her]1488-her head bobbing lightly . “ [I]1488-her feel . . . [I]1488-her feel good . ”[1488-her] [Her]1488-her eyes connect with [mine]0-i . “ Free . ”[1488-her] And that makes [me]0-i smile . [I]0-i pick [her]1488-her up and twirl [her]1488-her around as [I]0-i press [my]0-i head close to [hers]1488-her while [she]1488-her holds the cake out . “ [We]1491-we need to celebrate . ”[0-i] [I]0-i set [her]1488-her down , and [she]1488-her holds the cake between [us]1491-we . “ [I]1488-her have cake . ”[1488-her] “ [I]1488-her think [we]1491-we need more than just cake , but yes , let ’s eat . ”[1488-her] [She]1488-her lifts [her]1488-her hand to [her]1488-her mouth and takes a large bite before offering it to [me]0-i . [I]0-i second the bite and together , while standing in front of [[my]0-i car]1105-my car , [we]1491-we eat [her]1488-her stolen cake out of the palm of [her]1488-her hand . After a few moments , [she]1488-her says , “ [I]1488-her think [I]1488-her know what [I]1488-her want to do . ”[1488-her] “ Let ’s hear it . ”[1488-her] “ Grab some pizza for lunch , lots and lots of hard cider , go back to [[your]1488-her place]2284-your place , and play Plunder . ”[1488-her] “ That ’s how [you]1488-her want to celebrate ? ”[1488-her] “ [I]1488-her could n’t have asked for a better idea , ”[1488-her] [she]1488-her says , meeting [me]0-i once again with that beautiful smile . “ Then let ’s eat some pizza and play Plunder . ”[1488-her] [I]0-i open the door for [her]1488-her and grab a few napkins from [my]0-i glove compartment for [her]1488-her cake hand , and while [I]0-i help [her]1488-her clean up , [I]0-i ask , “ Just want to make sure , are [you]1488-her happy ? [You]1488-her just called off a wedding and broke up with [Brian]100-brian . ”[0-i] [Her]1488-her eyes meet [mine]0-i as [she]1488-her says , “ [I]1488-her am . It was the right move , thanks for checking . ”[1488-her] “ As long as [you]1488-her ’re good , then let ’s celebrate . ”[1488-her] “ [I]1488-her ’m good . Promise . ”[1488-her] * * * Holy fuck . Holy fuck . Holy . Fuck ! [I]0-i pace [[my]0-i bedroom]496-my bedroom as [Lia]168-lia gets changed at [[her]168-lia apartment]323-her apartment . After [we]1495-we left [the bakery]3309-the bakery , [we]1495-we went to [[our]1495-we favorite pizza place]1497-our favorite pizza place , ordered two large pizzas — one sausage with onions , the other pineapple and pepperoni — ran by [the store]1498-the store for two twelve - packs of [Angry Orchard]37-angry orchard , and then came straight [home]373-home . [She]168-lia said [she]168-lia was going to take a quick rinse in the shower , because [she]168-lia felt gross after being in [the bakery]3309-the bakery , and change . Which leaves [me]0-i here , staring at [my]0-i phone , waiting for [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers to text [me]0-i back . Finally , [my]0-i phone dings , and [I]0-i swipe at it to read the message . [JP]92-jp : Wait , [she]168-lia broke up with [him]1502-him right there in [the bakery]3309-the bakery , ring and all ? Holy shit . [I]0-i type back in a fury just as [my]0-i phone dings with another message , this one from [Huxley]92-jp . [Huxley]92-jp : Wow . [I]0-i have nothing to say other than wow . [Breaker]68-breaker : Yeah , tell [me]0-i about it . [I]0-i was in awe , and [my]0-i nipples got hard . [JP]92-jp : [I]0-i appreciate a hard nipple on [a man]2121-a man . Shows [me]0-i that [he]2121-a man registers with [his]2121-a man emotions . [Huxley]92-jp : [You]68-breaker need help . [JP]92-jp : Just telling it like it is . [Breaker]68-breaker : Can [we]1505-we not go on a tangent ? [I]0-i have minutes before [she]1506-her comes over , and [I]0-i need to know what to do . [Huxley]92-jp : What do [you]68-breaker mean [you]68-breaker need to know what to do ? [She]1506-her just broke up with [[her]1506-her fiancé]1507-her fiancé and called [her]1506-her wedding off . [You]68-breaker do nothing . [You]68-breaker be [a friend]2434-a friend . [JP]92-jp : Uh yeah , [dude]2160-dude . Were [you]2160-dude thinking about making a move ? That ’s fucking tacky as shit . Give [her]1506-her a second to mourn before [you]2160-dude go sniffing around , letting [her]1506-her know [you]2160-dude want to bone . [Breaker]68-breaker : First of all , [I]0-i just do n’t want to bone . Second of all , [I]0-i ’m already keeping [my]0-i self - control on a short leash . [I]0-i do n’t know how much longer [I]0-i can hold out . [Huxley]92-jp : Do n’t fucking do anything . Jesus , that would be terrible timing . [JP]92-jp : Yeah . Real bad , [man]2061-man . What do [you]2160-dude want to be , [the rebound guy]1511-the rebound guy ? Fuck , no . Give [her]1506-her a moment to figure it all out . Breaker : Yeah . . . fuck , [I]0-i think [you]92-jp ’re right . [Huxley]92-jp : Of course [we]1512-we are . [JP]92-jp : Seriously , nothing else . [You]2160-dude do n’t want to ruin anything . Tread carefully , and when the time is right , strike ! [Breaker]68-breaker : Okay . . . just a little bit longer , that ’s all [I]0-i have to keep telling [myself]0-i . Oh shit , [she]1506-her just came over . Talk to [you]2160-dude later . [I]0-i set [my]0-i phone on [my]0-i nightstand and then head out to [the living room]937-the living room , where [Lia]168-lia hovers over the pizza boxes wearing a pair of black - and - green buffalo plaid flannel shorts and a white tank top that shows off an inch of [her]168-lia midriff . And [her]168-lia black lace bra is as visible as they come , making [my]0-i mouth water . [She]168-lia ’s worn this outfit around [me]0-i several times , but now , it feels like it ’s [my]0-i undoing . [I]0-i want to do so much to that outfit , to [the woman wearing it]1514-the woman wearing it . [I]0-i want to slip [my]0-i hands under the crop top . [I]0-i want to run [my]0-i fingers along the lace . [I]0-i want to drag those shorts down , revealing whatever [she]168-lia ’s wearing underneath . But [the boys]2357-the boys are right . [I]0-i would be stupid if [I]0-i attempted anything at this point . [I]0-i need to keep things neutral . Friendly . Platonic . “ [I]168-lia ’m going to start with a slice of each . What about [you]0-i ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks , holding one of [my]0-i plates in [her]168-lia hand . “ Yeah , [I]168-lia think [I]168-lia ’ll do the same . [I]168-lia ’ll grab drinks . ”[168-lia] “ [I]1516-we ’ll meet [you]0-i on the couch . ”[1516-we] [We]1516-we purchased one pack of hard cider that was already chilled and put the other in the fridge . [I]0-i grab two that are cold , some napkins , and walk over to the couch where [I]0-i have already set up Plunder . Think if [the games Risk]200-the games risk and [Battleship]201-battleship had [a baby]1517-a baby , it would be Plunder . “ Oh my God , can [we]1516-we just talk about that cake for a second and how dry it was ? [The Beave]111-the beave actually thought that was the best in [town]2235-town . No offense to [the baker]1451-the baker . . . but woof . ”[0-i] [I]0-i let out a low chuckle . “ Are [you]1518-you going to require a dessert to make up for that ? Because [I]0-i can get something delivered . Anything for [your]1518-you heroism today . Taking down [The Beave]111-the beave requires all the good things to come [your]1518-you way . ”[0-i] “ Hmm . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hand [her]1518-you a drink , and [she]1518-you hands [me]0-i [my]0-i pizza . [I]0-i rest the napkins between [us]1519-us . “ [You]1518-you know , [I]0-i ’ve always believed donuts can be eaten at any time . Let ’s get a dozen glazed jelly from [Arnold]202-arnold ’s . ”[0-i] “ Let [me]0-i grab [my]0-i phone . [I]0-i ’ll order . ”[0-i] [I]0-i move back to [the bedroom]1154-the bedroom , grab [my]0-i phone , and then pause when [I]0-i see a text from [Brian]100-brian . [My]0-i stomach drops , and [I]0-i wonder why the hell [he]1521-he ’s trying to communicate with [me]0-i . What would [he]1521-he have to say to [me]0-i ? [I]0-i should just delete it . Not even read it . If only [my]0-i head worked that way . Unfortunately , it does n’t because curiosity gets the better of [me]0-i . [Brian]100-brian : [I]0-i know [you]0-i ’re with [Lia]168-lia . [She]168-lia ’s not answering [my]0-i messages . [I]0-i know [we]1522-we have n’t been on the best of terms , but can [you]0-i please have [her]168-lia call [me]0-i ? “ Ha ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i laugh out loud . “ Okay , sure , [Brian]100-brian . ”[0-i] [I]0-i delete [his]1521-he text message and move back toward [the living room]937-the living room . In [his]1521-he fucking dreams . * * * “ Arrrrrrrrr , [ye]0-i land lubber , hand over [ye]0-i resources , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says while holding out [her]168-lia hand and twiddling [her]168-lia fingers . “ But if [you]0-i take the last of [my]168-lia rum , [I]168-lia wo n’t have anything . Do [you]168-lia really want to end the game like that ? ”[168-lia] [I]0-i ask on a hiccup . “ Taking [a man]2121-a man ’s rum ? ”[0-i] “ [I]168-lia said hand it over . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia jabs [my]0-i side with the fake hook [she]168-lia brought over from [[her]168-lia apartment]323-her apartment . [I]0-i hold [my]0-i hands up in defeat . “ Fine . Take [my]0-i rum , but [I]0-i hope [you]0-i burn in hell . ”[0-i] [She]168-lia holds up the rum in absolute victory and hops up on the couch , parading around . [I]0-i lean back and watch . “ [Victory]203-victory is [mine]168-lia once again , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia coos right before flopping back down on the couch and tossing [her]168-lia hook to the side . “ [I]168-lia think [I]168-lia need another drink . Want one ? ”[168-lia] [I]0-i glance at the already eight empty cans between [us]1525-we and say , “ Maybe some water . If [we]1525-we keep this up , [we]1525-we will be passing out at eight . ”[0-i] “ Is that a problem ? Copious amounts of sleep are good for the body , [you]0-i know ? ”[0-i] “ Very true . Fine , grab [me]0-i another . [I]0-i ’ll clean up the board . ”[0-i] “ Clearing the evidence of [my]0-i victory already ? [You]0-i ’re such [a poor sport]3369-a poor sport . ”[0-i] “ [Lia]168-lia , [I]0-i just lost three times . It is five at night , and [I]0-i have nothing to show for [myself]0-i today other than cheering [you]168-lia on as [you]168-lia told The Beave off , demolishing cake from [your]168-lia hand , and eating six slices of pizza . ”[0-i] “ Seems like [you]168-lia accomplished a lot to [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Not as much as [you]0-i . ”[1526-i] [She]1526-i playfully fluffs [her]1526-i hair and says , “ Well , [no one]2095-no one can accomplish as much as [I]1526-i did . [I]1526-i palmed a cake and stormed out of [a bakery]3371-a bakery . ”[1526-i] [I]0-i chuckle . “ [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i ’ll ever get that image out of [my]0-i head . ”[0-i] [She]1526-i grabs [us]1527-us both a drink , and [I]0-i abandon cleaning up the game when [she]1526-i hands [me]0-i a cider . [We]1527-us crack them open together and take long swigs . “ [You]0-i know , [I]1527-us was thinking about [your]0-i list of things [you]0-i wanted to accomplish before [you]0-i got married . ”[1527-us] “ What about it ? ”[1526-i] [she]1526-i asks . “ [I]1526-i think [you]0-i should keep doing it . Clearly , it ’s given [you]0-i this beautiful confidence to take charge of [your]0-i life , and it would be a shame if [you]0-i stopped . Plus , [you]0-i checked off another one of the things on [your]0-i list . ”[1526-i] “ [You]0-i remember what ’s on [my]1527-us list ? ”[1527-us] “ [Lia]168-lia , [I]0-i remember everything about [you]168-lia , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say right before [I]0-i list [her]1526-i items off . “ Do something that makes [you]168-lia feel pretty . Well , [you]168-lia did that with [your]168-lia hair and shopping . Not that [you]168-lia needed it , but [I]0-i can see that [you]168-lia love it , and [I]0-i love it too . ”[0-i] [Her]1526-i cheeks blush . “ The second was create a circle of trust . Well , [you]168-lia have [me]0-i , and [I]0-i think [you]168-lia bonded with [Kelsey]113-kelsey , [Lottie]96-lottie , and [Myla]3372-myla the other day as well as starting a knitting club . That ’s a great start . ”[0-i] “ It is . [I]1526-i really like them . [They]3373-they ’re fun . ”[1526-i] “ [The third one]3374-the third one was to spend a day saying yes . [You]168-lia just name the time and place , and [I]1526-i ’ll be right there by [your]168-lia side the whole time . ”[1526-i] “ Let [me]1526-i catch up on the work [I]1526-i ’ve put off , and then [we]3375-we ’ll make a day of it . ”[1526-i] [She]1526-i takes a sip of [her]1526-i drink and pulls [her]1526-i legs into [her]1526-i chest . “ The fourth was to stand up for [yourself]168-lia . Well , [you]168-lia can check that one off because damn , [Lia]168-lia , [you]168-lia took [the world]616-the world by storm today , and it was so fucking amazing to watch . [I]1526-i was in awe . ”[1526-i] “ Thank [you]168-lia . It felt good . ”[1526-i] [She]1526-i looks off to the side and says , “ [I]1526-i ca n’t believe [he]3377-he ’d just sit there and let [her]3377-he say those things about [me]1526-i . It just shows that maybe [he]3377-he was n’t really in love with [me]1526-i , and [I]1526-i do n’t think [I]1526-i was in love with [him]3377-he . At least not recently . It ’s hard to be in love with [someone]2072-someone when [they]2072-someone do n’t treat [you]168-lia like [they]2072-someone love [you]168-lia . [They]2072-someone can say the words , like [he]3377-he did , but [he]3377-he did n’t prove it . [He]3377-he did n’t act on [his]3377-he love . It ’s about the little things , [you]168-lia know ? The things [you]168-lia do n’t even notice until [they]2072-someone ’re done . Like . . . like stocking [my]1526-i favorite coffee because [you]168-lia know [I]1526-i ca n’t drink anything else . [Brian]100-brian never did that . ”[1526-i] “ [I]0-i ’m not that douche . And [I]0-i would n’t want [you]1528-i drinking anything else . ”[0-i] [I]0-i wink . [She]1528-i smiles softly . “ [I]1528-i think [my]1528-i choice today also coincides with [my]1528-i fifth task : following [my]1528-i heart . It ’s scary to break off an engagement because [you]168-lia do n’t want to disappoint [people]2122-people , or hurt feelings , but [I]1528-i just felt it , [you]168-lia know ? After speaking with [the girls]551-the girls , things felt off , not right . And then when [Brian]100-brian did n’t even defend [me]1528-i , [I]1528-i knew it was over . ”[1528-i] “ [I]1528-i ’m glad [you]0-i listened to [yourself]0-i . ”[1528-i] [She]1528-i rests [her]1528-i head against the couch and asks , “ Did [you]0-i hate [him]3381-him ? ”[1528-i] [I]0-i finish the rest of [my]0-i drink , chugging that one pretty hard . “ [Brian]100-brian ? Yes . [I]0-i did . With the fury of [a thousand men]3382-a thousand men . ”[0-i] “ Wait , [you]0-i hated [him]3381-him that much ? ”[1528-i] [she]1528-i asks . “ Uh . . . yeah , [Lia]168-lia . The only reason [I]1528-i tried to get along with [him]3381-him was for [you]168-lia . Not because [I]1528-i thought [we]3383-we could be [friends]2146-friends or that [I]1528-i thought [he]3381-him was [a good guy]355-a good guy . It was all for [you]168-lia . ”[1528-i] [Her]1528-i eyes connect with [mine]0-i , and [she]1528-i wets [her]1528-i lips . [I]0-i wish [I]0-i knew what [she]1528-i was thinking , if [I]0-i could read what was going on in [her]1528-i mind , because it would make this so much easier . [I]0-i would n’t be as scared of making a move . . . when the time is right of course . “ [You]1528-i should have told [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ [I]0-i did n’t want to influence [you]1528-i . [My]0-i feelings on the matter should never have been taken into consideration . ”[0-i] “ But , [Breaker]68-breaker , if [I]1528-i had married [Brian]100-brian , would n’t that have been like [one of [[your]1528-i brothers]2386-your brothers marrying [someone [you]1528-i hated]3388-someone you hated]3386-one of your brothers marrying someone you hated ? ”[1528-i] Not even close . But [I]0-i do get [her]1528-i drift . “ Yes and no . ”[0-i] This is where [I]0-i could go for it and explain what loving [her]1528-i means to [me]0-i , but it ’s too soon . [I]0-i know that . [I]0-i could give [her]1528-i a taste , perhaps . “ [Lia]168-lia , if [I]0-i have learned anything through [your]168-lia brief and torrid engagement with [Brian]100-brian , it ’s this . [I]0-i love [you]168-lia too much to be happy to love [you]168-lia less . ”[0-i] “ What does that mean ? ”[1528-i] [She]1528-i looks so confused and forlorn . “ It means that the only way [I]1528-i ’ll be happy if [you]168-lia marry [someone else]2722-someone else is if [you]168-lia are one hundred percent committed to [him]2722-someone else and [him]2722-someone else alone . If [you]168-lia were marrying [me]1528-i , no fucking way could [I]1528-i share [you]168-lia with [another man]1143-another man , [best friend or not]3391-best friend or not . And [I]1528-i would n’t expect [[your]168-lia husband]2340-your husband to love [you]168-lia any less than that . ”[1528-i] Because if [you]1528-i married [me]0-i , [I]0-i would be [both]1529-both . [Best friend]3258-best friend and [husband]1531-husband . Period . [She]1528-i glances away , and [I]0-i can only hope that something clicks inside that beautiful brain of [hers]1528-i . [I]0-i know now that [I]0-i could never give [her]1528-i up . That ’s what love is . Chapter Sixteen [LIA]168-lia [I]0-i ca n’t handle it when [he]1531-husband says things like that . [His]1531-husband captivating eyes tell [me]0-i that [I]0-i should always be put first , and it ’s what [I]0-i always wanted to hear from [Brian]100-brian . It ’s the one thing [I]0-i asked from [him]1531-husband , yet [Breaker]68-breaker offers it up so easily . If [you]1532-you were marrying [me]0-i , no fucking way could [I]0-i share [you]1532-you with [another man]1143-another man , [best friend]3258-best friend or not . And [I]0-i would n’t expect [[your]1532-you husband]2340-your husband to love [you]1532-you any less than that . [I]0-i drop [my]0-i feet to the ground and down the rest of [my]0-i cider . “ Do [you]1531-husband want another ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask [him]1531-husband as [I]0-i walk to [the kitchen]497-the kitchen . “ Sure , ”[1531-husband] [he]1531-husband answers , but [I]0-i can hear the trepidation in [his]1531-husband voice . [I]0-i do n’t bother to ask [him]1531-husband what ’s wrong because [I]0-i already know . [He]1531-husband ’s worried [I]0-i ’m drowning [my]0-i sorrows in booze , but [I]0-i ’m not . [I]0-i ’m trying to drown the red - hot emotions pulsing through [me]0-i every time [he]1531-husband looks [my]0-i way . [I]0-i ’m aware [I]0-i ’m [the one who asked [him]1531-husband to be [[my]0-i friend]2142-my friend — and [only friend]1539-only friend — all those years ago]1537-the one who asked him to be my friend — and only friend — all those years ago . [I]0-i ’m also aware that [[his]1531-husband sisters - in - law]1540-his sisters - in - law do n’t believe [he]1531-husband ’s [a relationship kind of guy]3123-a relationship kind of guy . So [I]0-i need to stop imagining things . However . . . [I]0-i ca n’t get the thoughts out of [my]0-i head of how [he]1531-husband goes down on [a woman]658-a woman . How [he]1531-husband prefers [his]1531-husband dick to be sucked . How [he]1531-husband ’d treat [[his]1531-husband woman]1543-his woman , like [she]1543-his woman ’s precious . Nor can [I]0-i stop thinking about what [his]1531-husband bedroom eyes look like . Are they darker ? Clearer ? Not to mention , the way [he]1531-husband so shamelessly tells [me]0-i how beautiful [I]0-i am . . . it ’s starting to beguile [me]0-i because [I]0-i should n’t be looking at [[my]0-i friend]2142-my friend like that . [I]0-i should n’t be having these thoughts , so if [I]0-i have to use alcohol to help [me]0-i subdue them , then [I]0-i will . [I]0-i crack a can open for [us]1545-us and hand [him]1531-husband one . “ Let ’s watch a show , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Or watch a movie . [We]1545-us can watch [The Thin Man]133-the thin man . ”[0-i] “ Are [you]1531-husband sure [you]1531-husband do n’t want to annihilate [me]0-i in another board game ? ”[0-i] “ [I]1531-husband ’m trying to save [your]1531-husband pride . ”[1531-husband] “ Are n’t [you]0-i considerate . ”[1531-husband] [He]1531-husband grabs the remote , and [I]0-i suck down [my]0-i drink . [My]0-i head is starting to feel fuzzy , which is just what [I]0-i want . [I]0-i welcome all of the fuzziness . “ Oh , [I]1531-husband recorded some reruns of Password in case [you]0-i wanted to play . ”[1531-husband] [He]1531-husband wiggles [his]1531-husband eyebrows at [me]0-i . “ [You]0-i game ? ”[1531-husband] “ [You]0-i know [I]1531-husband always am . ”[1531-husband] “ Good . ”[1531-husband] [He]1531-husband winks and then takes a large gulp of [his]1531-husband drink as well . * * * “ Stop . ”[0-i] [I]0-i laugh so hard [I]0-i nearly pee [my]0-i pants . “ Stop . . . how am [I]0-i supposed to guess spoon from dairy ? ”[0-i] [He]1531-husband is buckled over , laughing on the floor in [our]1546-our empty cider cans . “ Because [you]0-i slurp dairy up with a spoon , ”[1531-husband] [he]1531-husband says as [he]1531-husband lies on the floor , arms spread , staring up at the ceiling . [His]1531-husband shirt has pulled up a few inches , and [I]0-i catch sight of [his]1531-husband brilliant abs . “ [You]1531-husband could have said spork . [You]1531-husband ’ve lost [your]1531-husband touch . ”[1531-husband] “ [I]1531-husband ’m drunk , ”[1531-husband] [he]1531-husband says as [he]1531-husband kicks a few cans away . “ And [I]1531-husband just ate a donut , so [my]1531-husband mind is n’t working well . ”[1531-husband] [I]0-i fall to the floor and crawl over to [him]1531-husband , [my]0-i hair falling over [my]0-i cheeks as [I]0-i stare at [his]1531-husband smiling face . [I]0-i reach out and pat [his]1531-husband cheeks a few times . “ [You]1531-husband used to be so smart . What happened to [you]1531-husband ? ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i and [your]0-i drinks , ”[1531-husband] [he]1531-husband says right before [he]1531-husband wraps [his]1531-husband arm around [my]0-i waist and rolls [me]0-i to the floor right next to [him]1531-husband . “ [We]0-i did n’t drink that much . ”[1531-husband] “ [We]0-i drank ten cans each , ”[1531-husband] [he]1531-husband says . “ Over like . . . ten hours . ”[1531-husband] “ [Lia Fairweather - Fern]38-lia fairweather - fern , it has not been ten hours . And [we]0-i ’ve gulped down three in the past hour , so . . . [we]0-i are drunk . ”[1531-husband] “ [You]1531-husband might be drunk , but [I]1531-husband ’m not drunk . ”[1531-husband] “ Oh yeah ? ”[1531-husband] [he]1531-husband asks . “ Stand and walk in a straight line . ”[1531-husband] “ Easy , ”[0-i] [I]0-i proclaim as [I]0-i roll to the side and then slowly push [myself]0-i up to standing . [He]1531-husband props [himself]1531-husband up against the couch to watch [me]0-i . [I]0-i take a deep breath and say , “ Watch this excellence . ”[0-i] [I]0-i put one foot in front of the other and start walking , [my]0-i legs wobbling while [I]0-i lose balance and nearly crash into the island chairs , causing [Breaker]68-breaker to roar with laughter . “ Okay , sure , [you]0-i ’re not drunk . ”[68-breaker] “ That ’s not [my]0-i fault , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i take another deep breath . “ It ’s not ? Then who ’s operating [your]0-i legs ? ”[0-i] “ [Me]0-i , but . . . it ’s [my]0-i bra ’s fault , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ It ’s constricting the blood from reaching [my]0-i toes , and that ’s what makes it hard to walk . ”[0-i] “ Wow , that ’s quite the scientific reasoning . ”[0-i] “ Well , [you]68-breaker try walking with a bra , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say right before [I]0-i reach in front of [me]0-i , snap open the front clasp of [my]0-i bra , and then pull the whole thing off . [I]0-i toss the bra at [Breaker]68-breaker and say , “ [You]68-breaker try . ”[0-i] [He]68-breaker glances up at [me]0-i as [he]68-breaker holds [my]0-i bra in [his]68-breaker hand , and then [his]68-breaker eyes travel down [my]0-i neck , past [my]0-i collarbone , and right to [my]0-i breasts , where [my]0-i nipples press hard against the white of [my]0-i shirt fabric . “ That was hot , [Lia]168-lia . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker wets [his]68-breaker lips and then examines [my]0-i bra . “ Really hot . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker eyes fall to [my]0-i breasts again , and [I]0-i can feel all inhibitions fall away as [I]0-i stick [my]0-i chest out and say , “ Trying to get a good look ? ”[0-i] “ Yeah , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker answers with a shameless smirk . “ Well , cut it out . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i kick [my]0-i foot toward [him]68-breaker . “ This is serious business . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take a deep breath and hold [my]0-i arms out to the side . “ Watch [me]0-i walk with beauty and grace . ”[0-i] “ Let ’s see it . ”[68-breaker] Although , when [I]0-i sneak another look at [him]68-breaker , [he]68-breaker ’s still looking at [my]0-i braless breasts . [I]0-i place one foot in front of the other and glide , not missing a step and proving that in fact [I]0-i ’m not drunk . “ Ha , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say when [I]0-i finish . “ Told [you]68-breaker it was the bra . ”[0-i] “ Puh - lease , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says while [he]68-breaker stands . “ That was all luck . Bet [you]0-i [I]68-breaker can walk straight with this bra on . ”[68-breaker] “ Oh , [you]68-breaker think so ? ”[0-i] “ [I]68-breaker know so . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker sets the bra down on the arm of the couch , pulls [his]68-breaker shirt over [his]68-breaker head , and tosses it to the side . Hello , [pecs]1547-pecs . “ Uh , what are [you]68-breaker doing ? ”[68-breaker] “ Putting the bra on , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker reaches for it and attempts to fit [his]68-breaker arms through the loops . “ Fuck , why is this so tight ? ”[68-breaker] “ Uh , maybe because [you]68-breaker are much larger than [me]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker has one arm strung through a strap but is turning in circles , trying to grab the other strap . After a few turns , [he]68-breaker props one hand on [his]68-breaker hip and turns toward [me]0-i . “ Can [you]0-i fucking help [me]68-breaker instead of just watching [me]68-breaker run in circles like a dog trying to catch [his]68-breaker tail ? ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker ’m actually good just watching . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker grumbles , takes the bra off , and then fits it on backward so the back of the bra runs across [his]68-breaker nipples . Since [I]0-i ’m so much smaller than [his]68-breaker broad shoulders , [his]68-breaker arms turn in , being pulled by the straps of the bra . [He]68-breaker glances down at [himself]68-breaker and then back up at [me]0-i . “ [You]0-i know , [I]68-breaker do n’t really think this is a good look for [me]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i let out a roar of a laugh while [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ [I]0-i ’ve seen better . ”[0-i] “ Then let ’s just get this over before [I]68-breaker lose all sense of [myself]68-breaker and start matching [your]0-i lipstick with [my]68-breaker nipple color . ”[68-breaker] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle . “ Why would [you]68-breaker match it with [your]68-breaker nipple color ? ”[0-i] “ [I]68-breaker saw [this girl]2214-this girl talk about it on Tik Tok . How the perfect shade of lip would match [your]0-i nipple . That not true ? ”[68-breaker] “ Why are [you]68-breaker watching makeup tutorials on [Tik Tok]204-tik tok ? ”[68-breaker] “ [I]1548-you do n’t search [them]204-tik tok out . [They]204-tik tok just pop up . [The girl]1210-the girl had a Boston accent . [I]1548-you think [her]1210-the girl name was [Mikayla]205-mikayla . Really fucking entertaining that [I]1548-you watched a few of [her]1210-the girl Tik Toks . No shame . [She]1210-the girl ’s actually really inspirational . Lives [her]1210-the girl life the way [she]1210-the girl wants . And hey , now [you]0-i know to match [your]0-i lipstick to [your]0-i nipples . [You]0-i ’re welcome . ”[1548-you] [He]1548-you then holds [his]1548-you arms out and walks in a straight line , holding steady the whole time . “ [You]1548-you know this does n’t count , right ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [You]1548-you ’re not wearing the bra correctly . ”[0-i] “ Uh , because it ’s not big enough . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ Not [my]0-i problem . ”[0-i] “ Then what the hell is this ? What am [I]0-i doing ? ”[0-i] “ [You]1548-you tell [me]1548-you , [you]1548-you ’re [the one who whipped the bra on]3395-the one who whipped the bra on . ”[1548-you] “ Ridiculous , ”[1548-you] [he]1548-you says as [he]1548-you takes it off and then sling - shots it right at [my]0-i face . The fabric slaps [me]0-i across the cheek , and [I]0-i gasp in shock . “ Oh [my]0-i God , [you]1548-you could have taken [my]0-i eye out . ”[0-i] “ Dramatic much ? ”[1548-you] “ [I]0-i bet [I]0-i have a red mark . ”[0-i] [I]0-i grip [my]0-i cheek and play it up . “ Death by bra , that ’s a first . ”[0-i] “ Uh , excuse [me]1548-you , [sir]2298-sir . [I]1548-you have no doubt in [my]1548-you mind that many [a woman]658-a woman have met [[their]658-a woman creator]3398-their creator because of a poorly manufactured brassiere , most likely designed by [a man who has zero concept of the kind of damage a destructive underwire can have on [an unsuspecting soul]3400-an unsuspecting soul]3399-a man who has zero concept of the kind of damage a destructive underwire can have on an unsuspecting soul . ”[1548-you] “ [You]0-i do realize a bra is a choice , right ? ”[1549-you] [His]1549-you smirk tells [me]0-i [he]1549-you ’s only teasing , but that does n’t stop [me]0-i . “ Oh sure , right , a bra is a choice , so if [I]1549-you started walking around with [my]1549-you tits out , [you]0-i think [I]1549-you wo n’t have complaints about erect nipples or showing too much ? ”[1549-you] [He]1549-you sticks [his]1549-you hands in the pockets of [his]1549-you athletic shorts and says , “ No complaints here . ”[1549-you] “ Ugh , [pervert]3401-pervert . ”[1549-you] [I]0-i walk over to [the kitchen]497-the kitchen and grab another cider for [us]1551-you both . “ [You]1549-you ca n’t be serious . This might make [me]0-i puke . ”[0-i] “ Or sleepy . [I]0-i prefer the sleepy . ”[0-i] [I]0-i crack both open and hand [him]1549-you one . [We]1551-you cheers and then take a seat on the couch , [our]1551-you shoulders pressed together as [we]1551-you stare at the TV in front of [us]1551-you . After a sip , [I]0-i say , “ [You]1549-you know , there ’s [no one else [I]0-i would want to spend [my]0-i time with]3402-no one else i would want to spend my time with after [I]0-i called off a wedding and broke up with [[my]0-i fiancé]371-my fiancé other than [you]1549-you . ”[0-i] [I]0-i rest [my]0-i head against [his]1549-you shoulder . “ Same , [Lia]168-lia . ”[0-i] [We]1551-you both take a drink . “ When [you]1549-you first saw [me]0-i in [the hallway of [[your]1549-you dorm]3405-your dorm]3404-the hallway of your dorm , did [you]1549-you ever think this is where [we]1551-you would end up ? [Neighbors]3406-neighbors , [best friends]273-best friends , attached at the hip ? ”[0-i] “ Uh . . . not at that moment , but after that night , [I]0-i had a good inkling . ”[0-i] “ How so ? ”[0-i] “ [We]1551-you just matched . Like when [everyone]2071-everyone left Scrabble that night , and [we]1551-you were alone , [I]0-i felt like [my]0-i missing puzzle piece was put into place . ”[0-i] “ [I]1551-you felt the same way . ”[1551-you] [We]1551-you both lift [our]1551-you drinks to [our]1551-you mouth and take long pulls . “ [I]1551-you would be lost without [you]1551-you , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[1551-you] “ [I]0-i would be lost without [you]1551-you , too . ”[0-i] “ Does n’t seem like it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , [my]0-i mind turning morose . “ [You]1551-you have so much going for [you]1551-you . [Your]1551-you business , [you]1551-you have a strong family bond and [sisters - in - law who are so much fun]3409-sisters - in - law who are so much fun . [You]1551-you have promise , a community surrounding [you]1551-you , and so much opportunity . ”[0-i] “ And [you]1551-you do n’t have any of that ? ”[1552-i] [he]1552-i asks , [his]1552-i tone suggesting [he]1552-i ’s wondering where [I]0-i ’m going with this . “ [I]1552-i have [you]1551-you . [I]1552-i ’m building a circle . And [I]1552-i have a job that [I]1552-i love , but [I]1552-i do n’t know , [I]1552-i just feel like [you]1551-you have so much more . ”[1552-i] “ What [I]1552-i have , [you]1551-you have . [You]1551-you know [Huxley]92-jp and [JP]92-jp treat [you]1551-you like [a sister]3410-a sister . And [you]1551-you ’ve built [your]1551-you business from the ground up , [not many people]2512-not many people can say that . Are these feelings stemming from not having [[your]1551-you parents]396-your parents around ? ”[1552-i] “ [I]0-i think so , ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . “ [God]199-god , do [you]1551-you think [I]0-i will ever get over it ? ”[0-i] “ No , [I]1552-i do n’t think losing [[your]1551-you parents]396-your parents is something [you]1551-you get over , [I]1552-i think it ’s just a tender hurt [you]1551-you learn to live with . It will take time , but it will get easier with each day . ”[1552-i] “ [I]0-i can still feel them sometimes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say softly before taking another large sip of [my]0-i drink . “ At night , when [I]0-i feel alone in [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment , [I]0-i can sometimes feel that [they]396-your parents ’re there , watching over [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ [They]396-your parents are , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says . “ [They]396-your parents ’re always watching over [you]1551-you . And [you]1551-you know , when [you]1551-you ’re feeling alone , [you]1551-you can always come over . That ’s what [I]68-breaker ’m here for . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i are . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker slips [his]68-breaker arm behind [me]0-i and pulls [me]0-i in close . “ [You]0-i are so important to [me]68-breaker , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i ’re important to [me]0-i too , [Lia]168-lia . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sit up and look [him]68-breaker in the eyes . “ Like . . . what would [I]68-breaker do without [you]68-breaker ? ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker try not to think about what a day without [you]0-i in it would look like , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says . [I]0-i stare at [him]68-breaker , [his]68-breaker eyes flitting back and forth between [mine]0-i , [my]0-i eyes traveling over [his]68-breaker face as a smile tugs at [my]0-i lips . “ Why are [you]0-i smiling ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks before finishing off [his]68-breaker drink and setting [his]68-breaker can down . [I]0-i join [him]68-breaker and set [my]0-i empty can on the coffee table . “ [You]0-i ’re a far cry from [the guy [I]0-i met back in college]3415-the guy i met back in college . Remember that caterpillar [you]0-i grew on [your]0-i upper lip ? Atrocious . ”[0-i] “ Hey , there were [a few girls who liked it]3416-a few girls who liked it . ”[0-i] “ [Amanda Fulton]206-amanda fulton ? Yeah , because [she]206-amanda fulton liked [every guy with two nipples and a penis]3417-every guy with two nipples and a penis , [she]206-amanda fulton pretty much looked past the nose fur . ”[0-i] “ Were nipples really a requirement for [her]206-amanda fulton ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i palm [his]68-breaker face and push [him]68-breaker away , causing [him]68-breaker to laugh . “ [I]0-i ’m tired . ”[0-i] [I]0-i let out a large yawn . “ Because [we]3418-we drank too much , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says . “ Well , [I]68-breaker want to go beddy bye . ”[68-breaker] “ Then go to bed . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker leans against the couch and puts both of [his]68-breaker hands behind [his]68-breaker head . “ [I]0-i will , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i stand on wobbly legs . “ Just need to go to [the bathroom]621-the bathroom first . ”[0-i] [I]0-i move toward [[his]68-breaker bedroom]614-his bedroom , and [he]68-breaker says , “ Where do [you]0-i think [you]0-i ’re going ? [[Your]0-i apartment]859-your apartment is down [the hall]952-the hall . ”[68-breaker] “ But the comfortable bed is right over here . Thanks . ”[0-i] [I]0-i offer [him]68-breaker a wave and then head toward [[his]68-breaker master bathroom]1554-his master bathroom , where [I]0-i take care of business and brush [my]0-i teeth . [I]0-i do n’t bother with [my]0-i hair because it ’s already a mess . [I]0-i move toward [his]68-breaker bed and climb into the cool sheets . Yes . . . this is perfection . For Christmas one year , [Breaker]68-breaker bought [me]0-i the same sheets as [his]68-breaker because [I]0-i said [I]0-i love them so much , but for some reason , they do n’t feel the same on [[my]0-i bed]1555-my bed . [I]0-i think it ’s the mattress . That , and [his]68-breaker bed smells like [his]68-breaker cologne , which could make [anyone]2080-anyone want to sink in deeper . “ Just make [yourself]0-i at [home]373-home , ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i hear [him]68-breaker say as [he]68-breaker moves around [the bathroom]621-the bathroom . “ Do n’t mind if [I]68-breaker do . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i scoot toward the middle of the bed and lie on both pillows , leaving [him]68-breaker with limited options . [He]68-breaker always claims [I]0-i ’m a bed hog so might as well live up to it . [I]0-i hear [him]68-breaker flush the toilet , followed by the sound of [him]68-breaker brushing [his]68-breaker teeth . When [he]68-breaker turns off the bathroom light , [he]68-breaker moves into [the bedroom]1154-the bedroom and lowers the motorized shades — something [I]0-i do n’t have in [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment — and puts [the room]250-the room into complete darkness . The bed dips from [his]68-breaker weight , and then [he]68-breaker slides up against [me]0-i . “ [You]0-i have [my]68-breaker pillow . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker tugs at it . “ Hey , [I]68-breaker ’m using that . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i ca n’t use both , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker complains . “ [I]68-breaker can do whatever [I]68-breaker want . [I]68-breaker got [here]249-here first . ”[68-breaker] “ Yes , but this is [my]68-breaker bed . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker tugs again , but [I]0-i hold on tight . “ Fine . If [you]0-i ’re going to be like that , then [I]68-breaker have no choice than to do this . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker slips [his]68-breaker arm around [my]0-i waist and pulls [his]68-breaker body flush against [mine]0-i so [he]68-breaker can share the pillow . “ Are [you]0-i saying this is a punishment ? Because it does n’t feel like one . ”[68-breaker] Really enjoying [his]68-breaker warmth at the moment . “ It will be when [I]68-breaker roll away in the middle of the night , and [you]0-i fall off the bed , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker replies . “ And [they]3424-they say chivalry is dead . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker chuckles . “ If [you]0-i were [[my]68-breaker girlfriend]3425-my girlfriend , then yeah , [I]68-breaker ’d let [you]0-i do whatever [you]0-i want . But that ’s not the case here . [You]0-i ’re just [the trolling best friend]3426-the trolling best friend . ”[68-breaker] “ Trolling , wow , ”[0-i] [I]0-i tease . “ Care to explain to [me]0-i how this hold is different ? Because it seems like [you]68-breaker ’re spooning [me]0-i like [a girlfriend]2834-a girlfriend . ”[0-i] “ Nah . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker blows out . “ This is friendly . If [you]0-i were [[my]68-breaker girlfriend]3425-my girlfriend , [my]68-breaker hand would be in an entirely different place . ”[68-breaker] “ Ugh , [men]723-men , always wanting [their]723-men hand between [a woman]658-a woman ’s legs . ”[0-i] “ That ’s not where [I]0-i was thinking . ”[0-i] “ Oh sorry , [boobs]3431-boobs . ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes , even though [he]68-breaker ca n’t see them . “ Not what [I]68-breaker was thinking either , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker whispers . “ Oh . . . uh . . . butt crack ? Not [my]68-breaker first choice , seems stifling to a hand , but to each [their]723-men own . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker lightly chuckles , and [I]0-i can feel [him]68-breaker shake [his]68-breaker head behind [me]0-i . “ Wrong again . ”[68-breaker] “ Well , call [me]68-breaker confused because [I]68-breaker ca n’t think of any other place to stick [your]0-i hand . [I]68-breaker mean , down [my]68-breaker mouth , but that feels like a choking hazard . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker would n’t stick [my]68-breaker hand in any of those places , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker slowly splays [his]68-breaker hand across [my]0-i stomach , causing it to hollow out from [his]68-breaker touch . “ [You]0-i see , it ’s not about the obvious touch . It ’s about the subtle one . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker glides [his]68-breaker hand down to the patch of skin on [my]0-i stomach that ’s exposed and very lightly runs [his]68-breaker finger across it . “ This is how [I]68-breaker would touch [her]3432-her . Just light enough to let [her]3432-her know [I]68-breaker ’m [here]249-here , but not too much to make [her]3432-her think [I]68-breaker want more . ”[68-breaker] “ Oh , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , slightly breathless because , Jesus , that feels good . “ [Brian]100-brian , uh . . . [he]68-breaker never touched [me]0-i like that . [He]68-breaker was n’t much of [a cuddler]3434-a cuddler . ”[0-i] “ [His]68-breaker loss , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker continues to run [his]68-breaker fingers along [my]0-i skin . “ [He]68-breaker never did much with [me]68-breaker . It makes [me]68-breaker wonder if [he]68-breaker just did n’t find [me]68-breaker attractive . ”[68-breaker] “ Impossible . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker fingers toy with the hem of [my]0-i shirt , slipping just lightly under it . “ [You]0-i are desirable , [Lia]168-lia . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker voice dips , [his]68-breaker lips close to [my]0-i ear while [his]68-breaker hand slides another inch under [my]0-i shirt , causing [my]0-i body to heat . [I]0-i lie there , stunned , and unable to move through the fog of alcohol consuming [my]0-i brain . [I]0-i keep thinking , what is [he]68-breaker doing ? Is [he]68-breaker really touching [me]0-i intimately ? But in the back of [my]0-i mind , [I]0-i want [him]68-breaker to move faster . “ [I]0-i ’ve never felt desirable , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [his]68-breaker warm palm connects with [my]0-i stomach now , [his]68-breaker hand fully under [my]0-i shirt . “ Because [you]0-i have n’t been with [the right man]3435-the right man , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , shifting [his]68-breaker body closer so [I]0-i feel the heat of [his]68-breaker bare chest on [my]0-i back . “ If [you]0-i were with [the right man]3435-the right man , then [he]3435-the right man ’d always know how to treat [you]0-i so [you]0-i know [you]0-i ’re desirable . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker hand inches up [my]0-i stomach just enough that [his]68-breaker thumb lightly drags across the skin under [my]0-i breasts . Fuck . Heat consumes [me]0-i , and [my]0-i cheeks are on fire as [my]0-i stomach dips and bows while [he]68-breaker slowly inches [his]68-breaker hand back down [my]0-i stomach until [he]68-breaker reaches the spot just above the waistband of [my]0-i shorts . A tingling sensation shoots through [my]0-i veins as [his]68-breaker pinky runs along the elastic of [my]0-i shorts . [I]0-i bite the side of [my]0-i cheek , [my]0-i pulse pounding so hard [I]0-i can hear it in [my]0-i ears . “ Everything about [you]0-i is desirable , [Lia]168-lia , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker pulls [me]0-i in even closer so [my]0-i butt lines up against [his]68-breaker pelvis . And then , surprising [me]0-i to [my]0-i core , [he]68-breaker dips [his]68-breaker pinky finger past the waistband of [my]0-i shorts . [I]0-i gasp , [my]0-i chest filling with unexpected hope that [he]68-breaker ’ll dip farther , but before [I]0-i can even consider the ramifications , [he]68-breaker drags [his]68-breaker fingers back up . [His]68-breaker touch is so light , barely even there , but with the feel of [his]68-breaker chest against [mine]0-i and the briefest physical contact , [my]0-i entire body ’s reacting , causing a cool sweat . “ [You]68-breaker ’re . . . [you]68-breaker ’re making [me]68-breaker feel . . . ”[68-breaker] “ What ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks as [he]68-breaker plants [his]68-breaker hand just below [my]0-i breasts . [His]68-breaker thumb moves up and down , up and down , barely missing where [I]0-i want [him]68-breaker to caress [me]0-i , creating this inferno so deep in [my]0-i bones that [I]0-i start to ache . Ache for [his]68-breaker touch . For [his]68-breaker hand . For [him]68-breaker to move it farther south . An action [I]0-i never thought [I]0-i ’d desire from [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend , but here [I]0-i am , mentally wishing and begging for [him]68-breaker to spread [me]0-i and make [me]0-i feel anything but empty . “ [Breaker]68-breaker , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , [my]0-i voice breathless . “ Hmm ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks , moving [his]68-breaker hand back down so the tips of [his]68-breaker fingers slip past the waistband of [my]0-i shorts . Yes , God , yes . Go farther . Touch [me]0-i , please . [My]0-i eyes squeeze shut as [my]0-i pelvis voluntarily tilts up . [I]0-i should n’t want this . [I]0-i should n’t need this . [I]0-i should n’t want to get lost at this moment . This is the alcohol , right ? This is the loss of a fiancé . . . right ? [I]0-i ’m feeling lonely . [I]0-i ’m confused . That ’s all . [I]0-i do n’t . . . [I]0-i do n’t want [Breaker]68-breaker . [He]68-breaker ’s [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend . But then [his]68-breaker fingers drag along the skin right above [my]0-i pubic bone , and [my]0-i body shifts , twisting an inch to [my]0-i back . It ’s subtle , but it forces [his]68-breaker fingers to fall even closer . Throbbing . Burning . Hoping . [I]0-i want more . And right when [I]0-i think [he]68-breaker ’s going to guide [his]68-breaker hand between [my]0-i legs , [he]68-breaker glides [his]68-breaker hand back to the middle of [my]0-i stomach . [I]0-i groan in frustration . “ Were [you]0-i going to say something ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker whispers , [his]68-breaker lips so close to [my]0-i ear that [I]0-i might combust . “ [I]0-i . . . do n’t remember , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ [I]68-breaker think [you]68-breaker do remember . [You]68-breaker just do n’t want to say it . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker fingers dance up [my]0-i stomach to [my]0-i rib cage . “ [You]0-i were saying [I]68-breaker ’m making [you]0-i feel . . . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i wet [my]0-i lips as [I]0-i strain for [his]68-breaker touch , but [he]68-breaker does n’t move . [He]68-breaker keeps the hold on where [his]68-breaker hand goes , always maintaining control . “ Just tell [me]68-breaker , [Lia]168-lia , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , [his]68-breaker lips dragging over [my]0-i ear , causing chills to break over [my]0-i skin . “ Turned on , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say on a heavy breath . “ [You]68-breaker ’re making [me]0-i feel . . . turned on . ”[0-i] “ It ’s because [you]0-i ’re so goddamn sexy , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says just as the tip of [his]68-breaker thumb slides against [my]0-i breast . “ Oh . . . fffff - uck . ”[68-breaker] “ Jesus , [you]0-i ’re so hot , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker whispers just as [his]68-breaker pelvis presses against [me]0-i , and [my]0-i eyes pop open in pleasure from the feel of [his]68-breaker erection against [my]0-i backside . Oh [my]0-i God . [He]68-breaker ’s just as turned on as [me]0-i . [His]68-breaker fingers slip along [my]0-i stomach , and this time , without hesitation , slide under [my]0-i shorts , where [his]68-breaker pinky glides back and forth , right above [my]0-i mound . [He]68-breaker ’s not touching [me]0-i where [I]0-i want [him]68-breaker to touch [me]0-i , but at this moment , [I]0-i ’m more turned on than [Brian]100-brian has ever made [me]0-i . [I]0-i want it . Badly . [I]0-i want this . [I]0-i want release . And [I]0-i ’m so worried that if [I]0-i say something or move , this burning desire will dissipate . And [I]0-i do n’t want it to because [I]0-i ’m feeling something , like . . . like [I]0-i ’m starting to come alive from a deep , dark sleep , one that [I]0-i ’ve been in for over a year . Needing to give [him]68-breaker more access , [I]0-i twist so [I]0-i ’m almost all the way on [my]0-i back . The new angle causes [his]68-breaker grip to grow tighter , and as [he]68-breaker moves back up [my]0-i stomach , [my]0-i chest grows heavy , [my]0-i nipples harden , and [I]0-i wait . [I]0-i pray . [I]0-i hope that [he]68-breaker ’ll touch [me]0-i more . That [he]68-breaker ’ll fully touch [me]0-i this time . Eyes shut , [I]0-i hold [my]0-i breath , [my]0-i legs trembling as [he]68-breaker inches closer and closer to [my]0-i breast . Almost there . Just touch [me]0-i , please . [He]68-breaker must be able to read [my]0-i mind because [his]68-breaker hand slides right under [my]0-i breast , and [his]68-breaker thumb drags across [my]0-i nipple . “ God , ”[0-i] [I]0-i moan , [my]0-i back arching as [I]0-i fall all the way to [my]0-i back now , showing [him]68-breaker [I]0-i want more . [I]0-i want so much more . “ [Jesus Christ]90-jesus christ , [you]0-i have the softest tits , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , [his]68-breaker erection against [my]0-i leg now , [his]68-breaker lips right against [my]0-i ear . “ What [I]68-breaker want to do to these . ”[68-breaker] “ Wh - What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Strip [you]68-breaker out of this shirt and plant [my]0-i head between [your]68-breaker tits . [I]0-i want to test [their]3437-their weight in [my]0-i hand , pinch [your]68-breaker hard , pebbled nipples , suck on them until [you]68-breaker scream , and then mark them with [my]0-i teeth . [I]0-i want [you]68-breaker to wake up the next day and see that [you]68-breaker were owned the night before . ”[0-i] [My]0-i legs involuntarily spread as the dull throb between them becomes a pounding need . [Breaker]68-breaker ’s deep , raspy — sexy — voice , the one [I]0-i heard through the wall once before , is breaking every ounce of restraint [I]0-i have . [He]68-breaker ’s using it on [me]0-i . [Me]0-i . [I]0-i expect [him]68-breaker to move [his]68-breaker hand back down , but instead , [he]68-breaker drags [his]68-breaker thumb over [my]0-i nipple again , and again . . . and again , causing a hiss to escape [my]0-i lips . [I]0-i thrust [my]0-i chest into [his]68-breaker hand , wanting [him]68-breaker to make good on what [he]68-breaker said , but [he]68-breaker retreats , and [I]0-i groan in frustration . “ Breaker , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say breathlessly . “ [You]0-i need [me]68-breaker , do n’t [you]0-i ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks , a sense of cockiness in [his]68-breaker voice . Even that ’s more of a turn - on than anything . “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper , wanting to shed [my]0-i clothes . Thankfully , [he]68-breaker moves past [my]0-i shorts and then right between [my]0-i legs . [I]0-i spread them in delicious anticipation , and to [my]0-i delight , [he]68-breaker slips two fingers along [my]0-i slit . [He]68-breaker does n’t press inside , does n’t even try to get [me]0-i off , [he]68-breaker just glides them over the sensitive skin . So [I]0-i spread even wider , causing them to slip inside where [he]68-breaker feels just how turned on [I]0-i am . “ Fuck , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says in such a tortured voice that [I]0-i feel the rumble of it all the way down to [my]0-i bones . [He]68-breaker removes [his]68-breaker fingers , dragging [my]0-i wetness up [my]0-i stomach , and when [I]0-i think [he]68-breaker ’s going back to [my]0-i breast , [he]68-breaker removes [his]68-breaker hand from [my]0-i stomach , and [I]0-i watch in fascination as [he]68-breaker slips [his]68-breaker fingers into [his]68-breaker mouth , sucking on them both . [My]0-i breath catches in [my]0-i throat as [he]68-breaker slides them past [his]68-breaker lips and says , “ [I]68-breaker knew [your]0-i pussy would be the sweetest thing [I]68-breaker ever fucking tasted . ”[68-breaker] “ Breaker , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , [my]0-i mind nearly exploding . “ What . . . what are [you]68-breaker doing ? ”[0-i] “ Attempting to control [myself]68-breaker , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says . “ [We]3438-we ’re . . . [we]3438-we ’re drunk , ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i say for some reason , maybe to make [myself]0-i feel better for crossing a line with [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend . “ [We]3438-we might be , but [I]0-i ’ve thought about tasting [you]68-breaker for so goddamn long now . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , stunned . “ N - No , [you]68-breaker have n’t . This was . . . [you]68-breaker were just showing [me]0-i how [I]0-i can be desirable . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , [Lia]168-lia , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , [his]68-breaker eyes connecting with [mine]0-i . “ [You]168-lia ’re so fucking desirable . ”[68-breaker] And then [he]68-breaker slips [his]68-breaker hand back toward [my]0-i breast , bringing [his]68-breaker index finger up to [my]0-i aching nipple , and pinches it . “ Oh God , ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i groan , [my]0-i hand falling between [us]1564-we , right against [his]68-breaker hardened cock . This is not what [we]1564-we do . [We]1564-we do n’t cross this line . But feeling [him]68-breaker so hard right now while [he]68-breaker plays with [my]0-i nipple makes [me]0-i do something [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i was ever prepared for . [I]0-i dip [my]0-i hand past [his]68-breaker shorts and run [my]0-i fingers down [his]68-breaker boxer briefs , along [his]68-breaker . . . “ Oh [my]0-i . . . God , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say breathlessly as [he]68-breaker continues to twist [my]0-i nipple . “ Breaker , [you]68-breaker ’re . . . [you]68-breaker ’re huge . ”[68-breaker] And [he]68-breaker is . Long . Thick . Easily the biggest [I]0-i ’ve ever felt . [My]0-i fingers work along the ridge of [his]68-breaker veins through the fabric of [his]68-breaker briefs and then back up to the head . [His]68-breaker breathing picks up , but [he]68-breaker does n’t stop turning [me]0-i on , playing with [my]0-i nipple . [I]0-i want more , so much more , so [I]0-i turn all the way onto [my]0-i side , facing [him]68-breaker . [I]0-i can barely see [his]68-breaker face in the darkness of the night , but can see the outline of [his]68-breaker carved jaw . “ [I]0-i ’m turned on , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as if [he]68-breaker did n’t know that . “ So am [I.]0-i ”[0-i] “ [I]68-breaker want a release . ”[68-breaker] “ [Me]68-breaker too , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says . “ [We]3439-we should n’t be doing this . This is crossing a line . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker does n’t say anything to that . [He]68-breaker just smooths [his]68-breaker hand to [my]0-i back and down [my]0-i shorts , gripping [my]0-i ass tightly . “ Breaker , [I]68-breaker need [you]0-i to say something . Tell [me]68-breaker this is crossing a line . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker ’m not going to say anything to stop this . Not a goddamn thing . ”[68-breaker] “ Why not ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , [my]0-i heart hammering . “ [I]0-i think [you]68-breaker know . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ [I]0-i do n’t , [Breaker]2551-breaker . [I]0-i do n’t know . ”[0-i] Once again , [he]68-breaker remains silent , and just when [I]0-i think [he]68-breaker ’s not going to do anything , [he]68-breaker rolls onto [his]68-breaker back . [He]68-breaker pushes down the blankets , and then [he]68-breaker grabs [me]0-i . In one smooth motion , [he]68-breaker lifts [me]0-i on top of [his]68-breaker lap , right over [his]68-breaker erection . “ Oh God , ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i breathe out heavily . [He]68-breaker reaches between [us]1565-us and adjusts [himself]68-breaker so [I]0-i ’m resting along [his]68-breaker ridge . “ [You]0-i want a release , [Lia]168-lia ? Take it , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says with confidence . “ Use [my]68-breaker cock . ”[68-breaker] The demand is so naughty , so erotic , something [I]0-i never would have expected [him]68-breaker to say , yet it switches something inside [me]0-i . Instead of shying away , [I]0-i feel [myself]0-i listen to [him]68-breaker . “ L - Like this ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i move [my]0-i pelvis , [my]0-i clit sliding along [his]68-breaker erection . [He]68-breaker nods . “ Just like that . ”[68-breaker] “ With [our]3441-our clothes on ? ”[68-breaker] “ Yes . Have [you]68-breaker never dry - humped before ? ”[68-breaker] “ N - No . ”[68-breaker] “ Then [I]68-breaker ’ll help [you]0-i . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker sits up on the bed effortlessly , as if [I]0-i ’m not on top of [him]68-breaker , and lines [his]68-breaker back against [his]68-breaker headboard . [I]0-i ’m still pressing against [his]68-breaker erection , but this position makes [me]0-i feel the pressure of [his]68-breaker girth on [my]0-i clit . [His]68-breaker hand falls under [my]0-i shirt and moves up to [my]0-i breast , where [he]68-breaker cups it and gives it a gratifying squeeze . [My]0-i head falls back and [my]0-i pelvis juts forward , creating such a delicious friction that [I]0-i repeat the movement . “ Just like that , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , [his]68-breaker thumb playing with [my]0-i nipple now . “ Ride [my]68-breaker dick , [Lia]168-lia . [I]68-breaker want [you]168-lia to focus on [your]168-lia pleasure . [I]68-breaker ’ll get off when [you]168-lia get off . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker ’ll get off when [I]0-i get off ? The selflessness , it thrills [me]0-i even more . [I]0-i rest [my]0-i hands on [his]68-breaker shoulders , and as [he]68-breaker plays with [my]0-i nipple , [I]0-i pick up [my]0-i pace , moving [my]0-i clit over [his]68-breaker cock , loving the way it feels and the intense pressure pulsing through [me]0-i , just as [he]68-breaker pulls [my]0-i chest forward and sucks [my]0-i breast into [his]68-breaker mouth through the fabric of [my]0-i shirt . A gasp pops out of [me]0-i as [he]68-breaker moves [his]68-breaker mouth across to the other breast , sucking and nibbling as well . There ’s just enough protection from [my]0-i shirt to frustrate [me]0-i , so [I]0-i drag the neckline down , exposing the top of [my]0-i breasts . [He]68-breaker does n’t skip a beat as [he]68-breaker sucks on [my]0-i cleavage , moving from one side to the other , using [his]68-breaker teeth the whole time . “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call out , feeling shy but also crazy at the same time , like [I]0-i ca n’t keep in the pleasure . [I]0-i do n’t want to . [I]0-i want to let it out . [I]0-i want to release it all . [I]0-i ’ve been so frustrated , so bottled up , that it feels like [Breaker]68-breaker just popped the cork , and [I]0-i ’m finally letting [myself]0-i live for a moment . [I]0-i rock harder against [him]68-breaker as the pressure between [my]0-i legs builds , and [my]0-i bottom half starts to go numb . [I]0-i can tell [my]0-i impending release is just a few moments away . “ God , yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [he]68-breaker bites down on the side of [my]0-i breast , the pain of it turning quickly into pleasure , and [I]0-i guide [his]68-breaker head to the other side . “ More , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [he]68-breaker drags [my]0-i neckline lower , a rip sounding through [the silent room]1566-the silent room . [His]68-breaker mouth finds [my]0-i nipple , and [he]68-breaker pulls it in with one large suck . Holy fuck , that feels incredible . [I]0-i groan and ride [his]68-breaker length , pulsing harder and harder . [He]68-breaker moans , and a wave of goosebumps erupts over [my]0-i skin . [He]68-breaker bites down on [my]0-i other nipple , ripping [my]0-i shirt completely open , and [I]0-i grind harder against [him]68-breaker . [His]68-breaker mouth is so delicious , [his]68-breaker hands so attentive , [his]68-breaker mind in it to please [me]0-i , not [himself]68-breaker . It ’s so sexy , so incredibly gratifying that [I]0-i grip the back of [his]68-breaker neck , toss [my]0-i head back , and [I]0-i let the pleasure of [his]68-breaker delicious cock against [my]0-i clit take [me]0-i over the edge . “ Fuck , [Breaker]68-breaker , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call out as [I]0-i ride [him]68-breaker faster , [my]0-i orgasm piercing through [me]0-i at such a fast pace that [I]0-i do everything in [my]0-i control to keep it going , to make the feeling last as long as [I]0-i can . Just as it starts to wane , [he]68-breaker groans against [my]0-i breast , [he]68-breaker pulses up against [me]0-i , and then [he]68-breaker ’s groaning into [my]0-i shoulder as [he]68-breaker comes as well . [I]0-i ’m so startled , so intoxicated by the sound of [him]68-breaker coming that [I]0-i just sit there , stunned , holding [him]68-breaker , not caring that [my]0-i shirt is ripped open or that [he]68-breaker was just sucking on [my]0-i breasts . Or that [I]0-i just crossed the biggest line with [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend ever . “ Jesus , fuck , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker whispers as [he]68-breaker catches [his]68-breaker breath . [He]68-breaker lifts [his]68-breaker head and then leans against the headboard . In the dark of the night , [I]0-i can catch the rise and fall of [his]68-breaker chest , but that ’s about it . Oh my God , [we]1568-we just made [each other]288-each other come . [I]0-i . . . [I]0-i ca n’t believe it . Now that it ’s over , [I]0-i feel so shocked . Unsure of what to say , [I]0-i move off [him]68-breaker and then whisper , “ Can [I]0-i borrow a shirt ? ”[0-i] “ Of course , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says . “ [I]68-breaker can get it for [you]0-i . ”[68-breaker] “ No , it ’s okay . [I]0-i can grab it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i get out of bed , feeling so awkward that [I]0-i close [my]0-i ripped shirt together and move over to [his]68-breaker dresser , where [I]0-i grab a shirt and then go to [the bathroom]621-the bathroom . [I]0-i shut the door behind [me]0-i , lean against the counter . What the hell did [I]0-i just do ? [I]0-i . . . [I]0-i just humped [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend to the point that [both of [us]1572-both of us]1572-both of us orgasmed . [I]0-i ’m freaking out . Big time . [We]1572-both of us crossed a line , a big one , and [I]0-i ’m pretty sure [I]0-i just ruined everything . There ’s a knock on the door , followed by , “ [Lia]168-lia , [you]168-lia okay ? ”[2156-my best friend] No . [I]0-i ’m not at all . “ Yeah , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call out . “ Just , uh , changing and going to [the bathroom]621-the bathroom . Be out in a second . ”[0-i] “ [Lia]168-lia , do [you]168-lia want to talk about this ? ”[2156-my best friend] [His]2156-my best friend voice is sincere and comforting . Not the same as [the man who told [me]0-i to use [his]2156-my best friend cock for pleasure]1573-the man who told me to use his cock for pleasure . This is the Breaker [I]0-i know . The Breaker [I]0-i love . “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i squeak out . “ No , of course not . Nothing to talk about . ”[0-i] [I]0-i change out of [my]0-i shorts and [my]0-i shirt and slip [his]2156-my best friend shirt on , leaving [me]0-i in nothing but [his]2156-my best friend clothes . . . that smell just like [him]2156-my best friend of course . With turmoil twisting in [my]0-i stomach , [I]0-i go to [the bathroom]621-the bathroom , clean up , and then do n’t bother to look in the mirror before [I]0-i leave because what ’s the point ? [I]0-i know what [I]0-i ’ll see — someone incredibly scared about what just happened . [I]0-i exit [the bathroom]621-the bathroom to find [Breaker]68-breaker on the other side of the door , holding a new pair of shorts . “ Hey , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker lifts [my]0-i chin so [I]0-i ’m forced to look [him]68-breaker in the eyes . “ [You]68-breaker good ? ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i tack on a smile because if [I]0-i ’ve learned anything from [Brian]100-brian in the past year and a half that [I]0-i was with [him]68-breaker , it ’s to know how to fake a smile . “ Of course . Just really exhausted now . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pat [his]68-breaker bare chest . “ Took it out of [me]0-i . Do [you]68-breaker , uh , want [me]0-i to go back to [[my]0-i place]473-my place ? ”[0-i] “ No . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker brow furrows . “ No , [I]68-breaker want [you]0-i to stay here with [me]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] “ Okay , just wanted to make sure . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile and then start to move past [him]68-breaker when [he]68-breaker presses [his]68-breaker hand to [my]0-i stomach , stopping [me]0-i . “ [You]0-i sure [you]0-i ’re okay ? ”[68-breaker] “ Positive . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i know [he]68-breaker ’s not convinced , but [he]68-breaker lets go of [me]0-i . [He]68-breaker moves toward [the bathroom]621-the bathroom while [I]0-i make [my]0-i way to the bed and slip under the covers . This time , [I]0-i just use [my]0-i pillow , staying on [my]0-i side while [my]0-i mind races . [I]0-i probably just messed up [my]0-i friendship . It was amazing when [his]68-breaker mouth was on [me]0-i . [I]0-i got so lost , so quick , and in the moment , [I]0-i did n’t care about anything other than the friction and heat [we]1577-we were creating . Was it really all worth it ? Was it worth ruining this friendship ? Fresh from [the bathroom]621-the bathroom , [Breaker]68-breaker walks up to the bed , where [he]68-breaker slips in . [I]0-i half expect [him]68-breaker to stay on [his]68-breaker side , but [he]68-breaker pulls [me]0-i close to [his]68-breaker chest by the stomach and buries [his]68-breaker head in [my]0-i hair . [I]0-i ’m breathless , unsure of what to do . [He]68-breaker ’s snuggling again . [He]68-breaker ’s spooning [me]0-i . [His]68-breaker entire body is in control of [mine]0-i . “ [You]0-i sure [you]0-i ’re good ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks , [his]68-breaker breath caressing the back of [my]0-i neck . “ Yes , ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i whisper , [my]0-i heart racing a mile a minute . “ Okay . Night , [Lia]168-lia . ”[0-i] [I]0-i swallow hard and whisper , “ Night , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[0-i] [He]68-breaker snuggles in closer while [I]0-i lie there , wide awake . Instead of falling asleep , [I]0-i remain restless , captured in [his]68-breaker strong arm , battling between reveling in the way [he]68-breaker holds [me]0-i so close and freaking out that [I]0-i just ruined everything . When [he]68-breaker drifts off and [his]68-breaker grip loosens , [I]0-i take that moment to slip out of bed , out of [[his]68-breaker bedroom]614-his bedroom , and over to [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment , where [I]0-i lie awake the rest of the night . [You]1581-you fucked up , [Lia]168-lia . [You]1581-you fucked up big time . Chapter Seventeen BREAKER Smiling to [myself]0-i , remembering last night as if it was just a minute ago , [I]0-i stretch [my]0-i arm out to the side to bring [Lia]168-lia in close to [me]0-i , but when [my]0-i arm hits the empty mattress , [I]0-i crack [my]0-i eyes open to find nothing but an empty bed . “ Fuck , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter as [I]0-i press the heel of [my]0-i palm to [my]0-i eye . [She]168-lia ran . [I]0-i should have fucking known . In the moment — God , it was amazing — [she]168-lia was right there with [me]0-i . But after , even though [she]168-lia did n’t want to admit it , [I]0-i felt [her]168-lia running as fast as [she]168-lia could . Mentally , [she]168-lia was checking out of the possibility of an [us]1582-us and freaking out over the fact that there could possibly be an [us]1582-us . [I]0-i sit up in [my]0-i bed and look around [the room]250-the room for any trace of [her]168-lia . Maybe , if [I]0-i ’m lucky , [she]168-lia ’s in [the kitchen]497-the kitchen or [the living room]937-the living room with [her]168-lia favorite cup of coffee , but then again , [I]0-i do n’t smell it . [I]0-i quickly go to [the bathroom]621-the bathroom as a dull throb starts pounding at the base of [my]0-i skull , reminding [me]0-i of the many drinks [I]0-i had last night . [I]0-i ’d like to say mistakes were made all around , but to [me]0-i , last night was n’t a mistake . The only thing [I]0-i regret is not talking this out and not following [my]0-i gut instinct that [she]168-lia was n’t okay afterwards . But [I]0-i do n’t regret teasing [her]168-lia . [I]0-i do n’t regret biting [my]0-i way across [her]168-lia supple chest . [I]0-i do n’t regret the way [her]168-lia warm center felt sliding over [my]0-i length . And [I]0-i do n’t fucking regret hearing [her]168-lia moan as [she]168-lia brought [herself]168-lia to orgasm . [I]0-i wash [my]0-i hands and move toward [the living room]937-the living room and [kitchen]1588-kitchen , which is completely empty . Just what [I]0-i suspected . So without another thought , [I]0-i walk out of [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment , down [the hall]952-the hall , and knock on [her]168-lia door . [I]0-i wait a few moments , and when [she]168-lia does n’t open , [I]0-i knock again . A few more seconds and nothing . Panic starts to set in . “ [Lia]168-lia , [you]168-lia in there ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i knock . Dead silent . Fuck . [I]0-i go back to [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment , and [I]0-i find [my]0-i phone . [I]0-i consider calling [her]168-lia , but for some reason , [I]0-i have a feeling that will go straight to voicemail , so [I]0-i text [her]168-lia instead , trying to keep it light and not clingy or pathetic at all , even though that ’s how [I]0-i ’m feeling . [Breaker]68-breaker : Morning , here [I]0-i thought [I]0-i was going to have to make [you]168-lia breakfast . Looks like [I]0-i lucked out . [I]0-i set [my]0-i phone down and go to [the kitchen]497-the kitchen , where [I]0-i make a pot of coffee , grab the Ibuprofen from [my]0-i cabinet , and toss a frozen breakfast burrito in the microwave . While everything is cooking and brewing , [I]0-i grip the kitchen counter and stare down at [my]0-i phone , willing it to ding with a text . When [my]0-i coffee finishes brewing and the breakfast burrito is done , and [I]0-i do n’t have a response , sheer panic sets in . “ Fuck , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i push [my]0-i hand through [my]0-i hair . What did [I]0-i do ? [Huxley]92-jp and [JP]92-jp were right . [I]0-i should have just been [the friend [she]168-lia needed last night]1593-the friend she needed last night . [I]0-i should have kept [my]0-i hands to [myself]0-i . [I]0-i should never have ripped [her]168-lia shirt and sucked on [her]168-lia tits . That was so fucking — [Ding]207-ding . “ Oh , thank fuck ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i shout as [I]0-i lift [my]0-i phone and see it ’s a text from [her]168-lia . [Lia]168-lia : What would [you]0-i have made ? Relief washes over [me]0-i at [her]168-lia lighthearted response . On a sigh , [I]0-i sit down with [my]0-i burrito , Ibuprofen , and coffee and text [her]168-lia back . Breaker : Currently eating a breakfast burrito from the freezer , so maybe that . [Lia]168-lia : Really , [you]0-i would have heated up a breakfast burrito ? Wow . Breaker : What would [you]168-lia have wanted ? [Lia]168-lia : A Danish at least . [Breaker]68-breaker : Well , if [you]168-lia ’d have asked , [I]0-i would have retrieved . [Lia]168-lia : Shame . Now [we]1594-we ’ll never know . [Breaker]68-breaker : Why did [you]168-lia leave ? Was [I]0-i not letting [you]168-lia hog the bed ? [Lia]168-lia : Early morning meeting . Ehh , why do n’t [I]0-i believe that ? Probably because [I]0-i know [her]168-lia schedule , and [she]168-lia never , and [I]0-i mean never , has an early morning meeting . That ’s just not how [she]168-lia operates . If [she]168-lia has a meeting with [clients]1595-clients , it ’s always midmorning or afternoon . Early morning is n’t in [her]168-lia vocabulary . [Breaker]68-breaker : [You]168-lia lying to [me]0-i ? [Lia]168-lia : Do [you]68-breaker really think [I]0-i ’d lie to [you]68-breaker ? Yes . [I]0-i do . And [she]168-lia is . So [I]0-i can either sit back and go with [her]168-lia lie , or be [the person [I]0-i ’ve always been with [her]168-lia]1596-the person i ’ve always been with her and be honest . The easier way out is to go with the lie . But the best things in life are never easy , so [I]0-i decide to call [her]168-lia out . Breaker : After what happened last night , [you]168-lia ’d lie . It takes [her]168-lia a few moments to text back , but [she]168-lia does thankfully . [Lia]168-lia : Can [we]1597-we not talk about last night ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Why , do [you]168-lia regret it ? Please say no . Please say no . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i . . . [I]0-i do n’t know , [Breaker]68-breaker . It was . . . weird . [Breaker]68-breaker : Wow , ca n’t hear that enough . [Lia]168-lia : Not like that . [I]0-i mean . . . the during part was , well , it was amazing , but [you]168-lia ’re * [you]168-lia * and that makes this weird . [Breaker]68-breaker : [I]0-i get that , but that does n’t mean [you]168-lia need to pull away . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i ’m not , [I]0-i ’m just taking a second to digest what happened . [I]0-i mean a lot happened . [We]1597-we learned a lot about [each other]288-each other in a few short minutes . Breaker : [I]0-i did n’t learn anything , just confirmed a lot of things in [my]0-i head . Fucking amazing tits that taste like heaven . [I]0-i know [I]0-i should n’t say it , but [I]0-i do n’t want [her]168-lia thinking that [I]0-i believe any of that was a mistake because it was n’t . It was . . . it was the start of something new , and [I]0-i do n’t want to shy away from it . [Lia]168-lia : Breaker , [I]0-i ’m being serious . [Breaker]68-breaker : Yeah , so am [I.]68-breaker [I]0-i always knew [you]168-lia had amazing tits , but sucking on them last night ? Fuck , it was one of the hottest things [I]0-i ’ve ever done , and [I]0-i can still taste [you]168-lia on [my]0-i tongue . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i . . . [I]0-i do n’t know what to say . [Breaker]68-breaker : [You]168-lia do n’t need to say anything . Just know that there ’s nothing to regret , at all . And it does n’t change anything . [I]0-i ’m still [[your]168-lia best friend]2234-your best friend . Always will be . [I]0-i wait for another text , but it does n’t come in . After [I]0-i finish [my]0-i breakfast and take Ibuprofen to combat [my]0-i raging headache , [I]0-i take a shower and then check [my]0-i phone again . Nothing . So [I]0-i decide to sleep off the headache . When [I]0-i wake up an hour later . Still nothing . [I]0-i think [I]0-i might have fucked up . * * * “ Thanks to all the evidence [you]92-jp provided [us]1600-us and the due diligence of [the team]2353-the team , [we]1600-us put together a strong case to counteract the lawsuit and force [Gemma]95-gemma to extend an apology through the media , ”[94-taylor] [Taylor]94-taylor , [[our]1600-us lawyer]2166-our lawyer , says . [Huxley]92-jp clasps [me]0-i on [my]0-i suit - clad shoulder , clearly happy about the news . [Me]0-i , on the other hand , [I]0-i can barely muster a yippee . After [I]0-i woke from [my]0-i nap , [I]0-i received a text from [Huxley]92-jp — [I]0-i thought it was [Lia]168-lia , and [I]0-i swore up a storm — asking [me]0-i to come into [the office]2191-the office at two . Since [he]92-jp was asking [me]0-i to step foot into [Cane Enterprises]9-cane enterprises , [I]0-i knew it had to be the end of the lawsuit . And it is , but given the last twenty - four hours with [Lia]168-lia , [I]0-i honestly could n’t care less about whatever is going on with [the crazy Shoemacher lady]1603-the crazy shoemacher lady . “ That ’s fantastic , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ Does [she]1603-the crazy shoemacher lady have a written statement [she]1603-the crazy shoemacher lady ’ll read ? ”[92-jp] “ [She]1603-the crazy shoemacher lady ’s working on it with [[her]1603-the crazy shoemacher lady lawyer]3445-her lawyer now , and [we]3446-we ’ll approve it before [she]1603-the crazy shoemacher lady goes live with the apology , ”[94-taylor] [Taylor]94-taylor answers . “ Please send it directly to [me]92-jp when it comes in , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says before lending [his]92-jp hand out to [Taylor]94-taylor . “ [Your]94-taylor hard work on this case will not go unnoticed . Thank [you]94-taylor , [Taylor]94-taylor . ”[92-jp] “ It was [my]94-taylor pleasure , [Mr. Cane]136-mr. cane , ”[94-taylor] [Taylor]94-taylor says as [he]94-taylor snaps [his]94-taylor briefcase closed . [He]94-taylor offers [JP]92-jp and [me]0-i a handshake before [he]94-taylor heads out of [the conference room]1604-the conference room , [[his]94-taylor two assistants]1605-his two assistants at [his]94-taylor side . When the door shuts , [Huxley]92-jp turns toward [me]0-i while gripping the conference table . “ Are [you]0-i happy ? ”[92-jp] “ Yeah , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i lean back in [my]0-i chair , clearly not showing the kind of excitement [they]1606-they were expecting . “ Are [you]0-i ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks . “ Because it looks like [someone]2072-someone ran over [your]0-i dick , and [you]0-i ’re mourning the loss . ”[92-jp] “ [I]92-jp assumed [you]0-i ’d be thrilled to come back to work , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ Which , [we]3448-we should have a company - wide conference about this . [We]3448-we need to set the record straight . [Those who ca n’t attend in person]3449-those who ca n’t attend in person will be required to attend online . ”[92-jp] “ Probably best [we]3448-we do that , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ But [I]92-jp want to know what ’s going on in [Breaker]68-breaker ’s head right now . [I]92-jp want to know why [he]68-breaker ’s not pumping [his]68-breaker fist in the air and saying huzzah like [he]68-breaker normally would be . ”[92-jp] [Both [my]0-i brothers]1607-both my brothers stare [me]0-i down , [their]1607-both my brothers reluctant gaze not faltering as [I]0-i let [the room]250-the room sit in silence . After a few seconds , [Huxley]92-jp says , “ Did [you]0-i fuck things up yesterday with [Lia]168-lia ? ”[92-jp] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , playing dumb . “ What would make [you]92-jp think that ? ”[0-i] “ Great observation , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says , patting [Huxley]92-jp on the back . “ [Handsome]208-handsome , smart , and observant . That ’s why [he]92-jp ’s at the helm . ”[92-jp] “ [I]0-i did n’t fuck things up with [Lia]168-lia , ”[0-i] [I]0-i groan in annoyance . Even though , yeah , [I]0-i did , big time . [I]0-i ’ve been checking [my]0-i phone through this entire meeting and not one single text message from [her]1609-her . “ [You]0-i did n’t ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks , now pacing around [me]0-i . “ So tell [me]92-jp , what did [you]0-i do yesterday with [Lia]168-lia ? ”[92-jp] “ Just hung out , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Ate some pizza . Played some games . Had a few ciders . ”[0-i] “ A few ? HA ! ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp rips . “ Look at those bags under [his]92-jp eyes , [Hux]159-hux . Does it look like [he]92-jp had a few ciders ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp points at [me]0-i with a pen [he]92-jp picked up off the conference table . [Huxley]92-jp leans forward and examines [me]0-i . “ [They]3450-they look sunken . ”[92-jp] “ Precisely , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says with a dramatic flair . “ Which means [he]92-jp had a lot to drink last night . So tell [us]3451-us , [Breaker]68-breaker , how many ciders exactly ? ”[92-jp] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ [I]92-jp do n’t know , like ten . ”[92-jp] “ Ten ? ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp asks . “ That ’s a lot for [you]0-i . ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp leans in and says , “ Hence the dark circles under [his]92-jp eyes . And check out [his]92-jp hair . It ’s all disheveled , even though there seems to be product in it . ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp walks behind [me]0-i and threads [his]92-jp pen through [my]0-i hair . “ Unkept , which is a result of . . . ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp scratches the side of [his]92-jp jaw and says , “ Running [his]92-jp hand through it . ”[92-jp] “ Aha , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp replies , making [me]0-i want to punch [him]92-jp right in the stomach from how annoying [he]92-jp ’s being . “ And why would [he]92-jp have sunken eyes and be running [his]92-jp hand through [his]92-jp hair ? ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp sits across from [me]0-i . Looking smug , [he]92-jp says , “ Because [he]92-jp fucked things up with [Lia]168-lia . ”[92-jp] “ [[You]3452-you guys]2339-you guys are so fucking wrong , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i lean into [my]0-i chair . “ This was fun , though . ”[0-i] “ Are [we]2339-you guys ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp continues to pace behind [me]0-i . “ Then why are [you]92-jp wearing two different colored socks ? ”[92-jp] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i glance down at [my]0-i legs and then back up at [JP]92-jp . “ [I]0-i ’m not wearing socks . ”[0-i] “ Exactly ! ”[92-jp] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , so confused . [JP]92-jp pauses , turns to [Huxley]92-jp , and says , “ [I]92-jp might have lost track about what [I]92-jp ’m doing . ”[92-jp] With a giant eye roll , [Huxley]92-jp looks at [me]0-i . “ Give [me]92-jp [your]92-jp phone . ”[92-jp] “ Why ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , sweat starting to form on the back of [my]0-i neck . “ [I]0-i want to see it . ”[0-i] “ Look at [your]92-jp own phone , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ No , [I]92-jp want to look at [yours]92-jp because if [I]92-jp ’m not correct about [you]92-jp fucking up with [Lia]168-lia , then there ’s nothing to hide , right ? ”[92-jp] [He]92-jp wiggles [his]92-jp fingers . “ Hand over [your]92-jp phone . ”[92-jp] “ Yeah , good one , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says , now taking a seat next to [Huxley]92-jp . “ Hand [him]92-jp [your]92-jp phone . ”[92-jp] “ No , that ’s stupid . ”[0-i] [I]0-i fold [my]0-i arms , knowing [they]1610-we ’re closing in on [me]0-i . “ What ’s stupid is [your]92-jp denial , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ So hand [us]3454-us the fucking phone or admit [you]92-jp fucked things up . ”[92-jp] “ [I]0-i did n’t fuck things up , ”[0-i] [I]0-i shout , and then quietly add , “ Just perhaps , made things a touch complicated . ”[0-i] [I]0-i break because there ’s no point . [They]1610-we ’re going to figure it out , so [I]0-i might as well get [their]1610-we abuse over and done with so [I]0-i can figure out what to do with [Lia]168-lia . “ Complicated . ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp slaps [the conference room]1604-the conference room table . “ [We]1610-we knew it . ”[92-jp] Jesus , did [he]92-jp have a lot of coffee before [he]92-jp came in ? [He]92-jp ’s extra fucking annoying . “ What the hell did [you]0-i do ? ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp asks , looking annoyed . Why is [he]92-jp annoyed ? This is [my]0-i life , not [his]92-jp . [I]0-i pull [my]0-i hand through [my]0-i hair , and [JP]92-jp quickly points at [me]0-i . “ See , anguish . [He]92-jp ’s tousling [his]92-jp hair with anguish . [We]1610-we were right all along . [Huzzah]75-huzzah ! ”[92-jp] “ Do n’t fucking say huzzah . It ’s bad enough when [Breaker]68-breaker does it , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . [He]92-jp then turns to [me]0-i and continues , “ [I]92-jp do n’t have time to fuck around with [you]0-i growing [a pair]3455-a pair to tell [us]1610-we what [you]0-i did wrong . [I]92-jp ’m taking [Lottie]96-lottie out tonight , and [I]92-jp do n’t need [you]0-i two messing it up . So just fucking tell [us]1610-we so [we]1610-we can tell [you]0-i how [you]0-i ’re [an idiot]1009-an idiot and then help [you]0-i find a solution . ”[92-jp] “ Fine , ”[0-i] [I]0-i groan . “ [We]1610-we got drunk last night , [she]96-lottie went to [my]0-i bed to sleep , [I]0-i cuddled with [her]96-lottie and somehow ended up with [my]0-i hand up [her]96-lottie shirt and touched [her]96-lottie tits . [She]96-lottie moaned and grabbed [my]0-i dick . [We]1610-we dry - humped , and then afterward , [she]96-lottie freaked out and left in the middle of the night . [We]1610-we spoke for a brief second this morning through text , and [she]96-lottie has yet to respond to [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ [[You]92-jp fucking idiot]3457-you fucking idiot , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . [JP]92-jp pinches [his]92-jp nose . “ [We]1610-we told [you]92-jp not to do anything , and [you]92-jp deliberately disobeyed [us]1610-we . How do [you]92-jp think that makes [us]1610-we feel ? ”[92-jp] “ This is n’t about [you]92-jp , [JP]92-jp , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [You]92-jp ’re right , [you]92-jp ’re right . ”[0-i] [JP]92-jp looks [me]0-i in the eyes . “ [You]92-jp ’re [an idiot]1009-an idiot . ”[92-jp] “ Well aware . ”[0-i] [I]0-i slouch in [my]0-i chair and press [my]0-i fingers to [my]0-i forehead . “ What the hell am [I]0-i supposed to do now ? ”[0-i] “ How about not dry - hump [[your]92-jp best friend]2234-your best friend ? ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says and leans back in [his]92-jp chair as well . “ Let [me]92-jp ask [you]92-jp this . In the moment , did [she]2234-your best friend love it ? ”[92-jp] “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ [She]2234-your best friend was so into it , asking for more . But afterward , [she]2234-your best friend freaked [herself]2234-your best friend out . ”[0-i] “ Probably because [you]92-jp ’re [the only person [she]2234-your best friend has in [her]2234-your best friend life]3460-the only person she has in her life , and [she]2234-your best friend ’s afraid [she]2234-your best friend just messed that up , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says with some helpful insight . [I]0-i know , [I]0-i ’m shocked too . “ Fuck , [you]92-jp ’re so stupid , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ [We]92-jp told [you]92-jp not to do anything other than be [a friend]2434-a friend . ”[92-jp] “ Yeah . . . well , easier said than done , okay ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i drag [my]0-i hand over [my]0-i face . “ It was impossible not to touch [her]2234-your best friend . Especially after [she]2234-your best friend took off [her]2234-your best friend bra , and [she]2234-your best friend smelled so fucking good , and [I]0-i just . . . fuck , [I]0-i want [her]2234-your best friend . ”[0-i] “ Ever heard of patience ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks . “ Because if [you]92-jp exercised patience , [you]92-jp would n’t be in this mess . ”[92-jp] “ Wow , thanks for pointing out the obvious . ”[0-i] “ Hey . ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp holds up [his]92-jp hands . “ Do n’t get mad at [me]92-jp . [I]92-jp ’m not the one who messed up . [You]92-jp are . ”[92-jp] “ Yeah , but [you]92-jp ’re not being helpful . ”[0-i] “ Oh , [I]0-i ’m sorry . Did [we]3462-we miss the part when [you]92-jp asked [us]3462-we for help ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i grind [my]0-i teeth together and then say through clenched teeth . “ Help . ”[0-i] [JP]92-jp turns to [Huxley]92-jp . “ [He]92-jp wants [our]3462-we help . ”[92-jp] “ Yeah , [I]92-jp heard [him]92-jp . Not sure [we]3462-we can help [him]92-jp , though , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says , grating on [my]0-i nerves as well . “ Because [we]3462-we offered [him]92-jp help yesterday , and [he]92-jp did n’t take it , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp continues . “ And is n’t that the worst , when [someone]2072-someone specifically asks [you]0-i for advice and then [they]2072-someone do n’t take it , especially when it ’s solid advice ? ”[92-jp] “ It is . ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp runs [his]92-jp finger over [his]92-jp chin . “ Not sure [he]92-jp deserves more advice . ”[92-jp] “ Jesus Christ , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter before standing . [I]0-i ’m over this . [I]0-i ’m happy about being able to get back to work , but [I]0-i ’m not going to sit through this torture . As [I]0-i head toward the door to [the conference room]1604-the conference room , [Huxley]92-jp calls out , “ Fuck [her]3464-her . ”[92-jp] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i glance over [my]0-i shoulder . [He]92-jp turns [his]92-jp chair and looks [me]0-i dead in the eyes . “ Fuck [her]3464-her . Make it impossible for [her]3464-her to say no . [You]0-i ’ve already made the move , so live with that . [You]0-i ca n’t go back to being just [friends]2146-friends , so show [her]3464-her exactly why [she]3464-her would n’t want to be just [friends]2146-friends . Fuck [her]3464-her . Fuck [her]3464-her hard . Fuck [her]3464-her good . ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp peeks [his]92-jp head over [Huxley]92-jp ’s shoulder and says , “ Trust [me]92-jp , if [he]92-jp can get [Lottie]96-lottie to fall for [him]92-jp , then listen to [his]92-jp advice . ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp grips [Huxley]92-jp ’s shoulder . “ [He]92-jp ’s right . [You]92-jp have the friendship down . Now show [her]3464-her why [she]3464-her ca n’t resist [you]92-jp . ”[92-jp] “ [She]3464-her said it was weird because it was [me]92-jp . ”[92-jp] “ Then [I]0-i suggest [you]92-jp introduce [her]3464-her to that side of [you]92-jp just like [you]92-jp introduced [her]3464-her to [the sensitive , best friend side]3467-the sensitive , best friend side . [You]92-jp know how to fuck , so prove it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pull on the back of [my]0-i neck as [I]0-i say , “ [You]0-i think that will work ? ”[0-i] “ Only one way to find out , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ But for the love of [God]199-god , use protection . ”[92-jp] “ Wow , thanks for that , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i open the door to [the conference room]1604-the conference room and head to [the elevator]319-the elevator to leave . [I]0-i hate to admit it , but [they]1615-they might be right . [Lia]168-lia is comfortable being [[my]0-i friend]2142-my friend because that ’s how [she]168-lia knows [me]0-i . But [boyfriend]1617-boyfriend ? Being intimate ? [She]168-lia ’s not comfortable with that side of [me]0-i just yet , so [I]0-i might as well introduce [her]168-lia and make [her]168-lia comfortable . * * * Breaker : Are [you]0-i [home]373-home ? [Breaker]68-breaker : [You]0-i can either answer , or [I]0-i can walk in on [you]0-i doing whatever the hell it is [you]0-i ’re doing in [[your]0-i apartment]859-your apartment . Either way , [I]0-i ’m seeing [you]0-i tonight . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i ’m taking a walk . Be [home]373-home in ten . [Breaker]68-breaker : [I]0-i ’ll be waiting for [you]0-i . * * * [I]0-i lean back on [her]168-lia couch , wearing nothing but a pair of athletic shorts — got to show [her]168-lia the goods even if [she]168-lia did n’t ask for them — and [I]0-i listen as [she]168-lia unlocks [her]168-lia door . Not sure [she]168-lia ’s expecting to see [me]0-i on [her]168-lia couch , but either way , [I]0-i ’m not fucking moving . [I]0-i gave [Huxley]92-jp ’s advice some thought , and [I]0-i agree with [him]92-jp completely , but [I]0-i do n’t want to fuck [her]168-lia right away . That would be far too aggressive . [I]0-i need to ease [her]168-lia into it , which is exactly what [I]0-i plan on doing . [Her]168-lia front door opens and [she]168-lia walks in , headphones on [her]168-lia head , a light sheen of sweat coating [her]168-lia skin from the ninety - degree weather outside . [She]168-lia ’s wearing a pair of pink athletic shorts and a Smurfs T - shirt that [I]0-i ’m pretty sure is from [her]168-lia youth . When [she]168-lia glances up , [she]168-lia stutters back from the shock of seeing [me]0-i and presses [her]168-lia hand to [her]168-lia chest . “ Jesus , [Breaker]2551-breaker . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia removes [her]168-lia headphones and sets [her]168-lia phone down on the kitchen counter . “ [You]0-i could have told [me]168-lia [you]0-i were in [here]249-here . ”[168-lia] “ [I]168-lia said [I]168-lia ’d be waiting for [you]0-i . ”[168-lia] “ Well , [I]0-i did n’t think in [my]0-i place . ”[0-i] [I]0-i walk over to [her]168-lia . “ How was the walk ? ”[0-i] [Her]168-lia eyes fall to [my]0-i chest but quickly rise to [my]0-i face . “ It was fine . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i cross [my]0-i arms and lean against the wall . “ What did [you]0-i think about ? ”[0-i] [Her]168-lia eyes scan [me]0-i again before [she]168-lia moves toward [[her]168-lia bathroom]1621-her bathroom . “ Nothing in particular . ”[168-lia] “ Oh , [I]0-i see . ”[0-i] [I]0-i follow . “ So [you]0-i did n’t think about the way [I]168-lia sucked on [your]0-i tits last night ? ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia stumbles into [the bathroom]621-the bathroom door before looking over [her]168-lia shoulder . “ Oh [my]168-lia God , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[168-lia] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ It happened , might as well talk about it . ”[0-i] “ [I]168-lia do n’t want to talk about it . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia steps into [the bathroom]621-the bathroom and goes to shut the door when [I]0-i stop [her]168-lia . “ Why not ? Was it so good that reminiscing will only make [you]168-lia hot again ? ”[0-i] [Her]168-lia eyes grow angry , and it takes everything in [me]0-i not to burst out in laughter . “ No . [I]168-lia do n’t want to talk about it because it was awkward . [I]168-lia do n’t know how to be around [you]168-lia now , so bringing that up only makes it worse . ”[168-lia] “ Interesting . [I]168-lia thought bringing it up makes it better . ”[168-lia] “ It does n’t . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia shuts the door and turns on the shower . After a few seconds , [I]0-i knock on the door and say , “ Need help in [there]2152-there ? ”[0-i] “ Go away , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle and move over to [[her]168-lia bedroom]1624-her bedroom , where [I]0-i sprawl across [her]168-lia bed and place [my]0-i hands behind [my]0-i head . [I]0-i wait [there]2152-there for a few minutes , and when [I]0-i hear the shower turn off , [I]0-i prepare [myself]0-i . It might be awkward for [her]168-lia , but [I]0-i ’m going to make it way less awkward . The bathroom door opens , and [she]168-lia walks into [the bedroom]1154-the bedroom wearing nothing but a towel around [her]168-lia torso . [Her]168-lia hair is n’t wet , but little droplets careen down [her]168-lia chest . “ Oh my God , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia shouts as [she]168-lia stumbles back into [the bedroom]1154-the bedroom door . “ [I]168-lia thought [you]0-i left . ”[168-lia] “ [Lia]168-lia , [you]168-lia know [me]0-i better than that . ”[0-i] [I]0-i let [my]0-i eyes travel down [her]168-lia body and back up . “ New outfit ? [I]168-lia like it . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia rolls [her]168-lia eyes and goes to [[her]168-lia dresser]1628-her dresser , where [she]168-lia pulls out a pair of shorts and a shirt . [I]0-i hop off the bed and walk up behind [her]168-lia just as [she]168-lia ’s shutting [her]168-lia second drawer . [She]168-lia stills when [she]168-lia feels [me]0-i . “ What are [you]0-i doing ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks as [I]0-i drag [my]0-i finger over the slope of [her]168-lia neck . “ [You]168-lia had some water right here , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , [my]0-i voice growing deeper than usual from a simple touch of [her]168-lia soft skin . [She]168-lia turns around so [her]168-lia back is against the dresser , and [she]168-lia ’s facing [me]0-i . “ That ’s what towels are for , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says . [Her]168-lia chest is rising and falling at a more rapid rate . “ Seems like [you]168-lia missed it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say and then move [my]0-i finger along [her]168-lia collarbone . “ And here , [you]168-lia missed some water here . ”[0-i] “ [I]168-lia was quick with drying off , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says as [she]168-lia leans back against the dresser . “ Yeah , why was that ? ”[168-lia] “ [I]168-lia do n’t know , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia answers as [she]168-lia wets [her]168-lia lips . “ Well , [you]168-lia did a shit job , because [you]168-lia have some water here too , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i move [my]0-i finger along the swell of [her]168-lia breast . [Her]168-lia teeth roll over the bottom of [her]168-lia lip as [her]168-lia chest rises against [my]0-i finger . [I]0-i take that as a good sign and continue to push forward . [I]0-i move [my]0-i hand to where the towel is tucked under [her]168-lia arm and toy with it , seeing what [her]168-lia reaction would be . When [she]168-lia does n’t say anything , [I]0-i give it a soft tug , loosening the terrycloth . “ What are [you]0-i doing ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks . “ Helping [you]168-lia dry off , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Unless [you]168-lia do n’t want [me]0-i to help . [I]0-i ’d be more than happy to just watch . ”[0-i] “ Why , uh , why would [you]0-i want to watch ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks . [She]168-lia slips into the mood , just like that . Easier than [I]0-i thought , but [I]0-i still want to move at a snail ’s pace with [her]168-lia because [I]0-i do n’t want to fuck this up . [I]0-i have one chance to make [her]168-lia mine , one fucking chance , and [I]0-i ’m not going to forget patience this time . “ Because , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer as [I]0-i tug on the towel again , loosening it all the way . The reason it ’s still on [her]168-lia is because [I]0-i ’m holding it up , yet [she]168-lia makes no move to stop [me]0-i . “ [I]168-lia did n’t get a good look at those tits last night . ”[168-lia] And then , [I]0-i release the towel , letting it fall to the ground between [us]1629-us . [My]0-i eyes immediately fall to [her]168-lia breasts , and [I]0-i grow hard instantly as [I]0-i take all of [her]168-lia in . Firm yet supple breasts with light pink nipples beaded to a point , entice [my]0-i mouth . [Her]168-lia body curves in at [her]168-lia waist and flares at [her]168-lia hips . Petite , but just enough to grab on to . [Her]168-lia pussy is bare , which makes [my]0-i mouth water even more , and as [I]0-i drag [my]0-i gaze back up to [her]168-lia face , [I]0-i see the hunger [she]168-lia has in [her]168-lia mossy - green eyes . “ [I]0-i need a better look , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i take [her]168-lia hand in [mine]0-i . “ Better look at what ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks as [I]0-i walk [her]168-lia to the window of [[her]168-lia bedroom]1624-her bedroom and flip open the curtains . “ Breaker , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says as [she]168-lia recoils against [my]0-i chest . “ They ’re tinted . [No one]2095-no one can see , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper against [her]168-lia ear . That seems to relax [her]168-lia enough for [me]0-i to gather both of [her]168-lia hands in [mine]0-i and then lift them above [her]168-lia head and pin them against the floor - length window . A gasp falls past [her]168-lia lips before [she]168-lia says , “ Wh - What are [you]0-i doing ? ”[168-lia] “ Drying [you]168-lia off , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer and then press [her]168-lia hands against the window . [I]0-i speak directly into [her]168-lia ear as [I]0-i say , “ Do n’t move these . Got it ? ”[0-i] “ Breaker — ”[0-i] “ Got it ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i repeat , this time sterner . [She]168-lia nods [her]168-lia head as [she]168-lia shakily says , “ Yes . ”[168-lia] Satisfied [she]168-lia wo n’t move , [I]0-i pick up [her]168-lia towel from near the dresser and walk back toward the window where [she]168-lia ’s waiting . [I]0-i do n’t rush . [I]0-i take [my]0-i time as [I]0-i consume every inch of [her]168-lia with [my]0-i eyes . [This woman]810-this woman has absolutely captivated [me]0-i from day one , and the fact [she]810-this woman ’s letting [me]0-i see [her]168-lia like this and touch [her]168-lia is enough to make [me]0-i go fucking crazy with desire . [I]0-i place the towel over [my]0-i hand and step up behind [her]168-lia . “ [I]168-lia ’m just going to dry [you]168-lia off , okay ? ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia nods so [I]0-i bring [my]0-i towel - covered hand to [her]168-lia front as [I]0-i press [my]0-i bare chest to [her]168-lia back . [I]0-i slowly move it over [her]168-lia stomach and then up to [her]168-lia breasts . When [I]0-i connect with [them]1632-them , [her]168-lia head rolls to the side as a light moan fills the silence of [the room]250-the room . [I]0-i move to the other breast and make sure to twist [her]168-lia nipple to cause [her]168-lia to gasp . [I]0-i drag the towel up to [her]168-lia neck , where [I]0-i grip [her]168-lia tightly , not choking [her]168-lia but enough to show [her]168-lia [I]0-i ’m in command . [I]0-i place [my]0-i lips close to [her]168-lia ear as [I]0-i say , “ Spread [your]168-lia legs . ”[0-i] “ Breaker . . . ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia whispers right before [I]0-i feel [her]168-lia swallow . “ Spread them , [Ophelia]70-ophelia , ”[0-i] [I]0-i repeat , and this time , [she]168-lia listens . “ [Good girl]3472-good girl . ”[0-i] [I]0-i drag the towel down , between [her]168-lia breasts , past [her]168-lia stomach , and straight between [her]168-lia legs . [Her]168-lia head falls back against [my]0-i chest as [she]168-lia groans . [I]0-i ca n’t help the smile that spreads across [my]0-i face as [I]0-i move the towel back up [her]168-lia stomach only to lower [my]0-i body so [her]168-lia ass is right in front of [my]0-i face . [I]0-i bring the towel to the two round globes and act like [I]0-i ’m drying them off , but in reality , [I]0-i ’m giving them a gentle squeeze . [Her]168-lia ass is so perfect , and [I]0-i ’ll be [a happy man]1634-a happy man the day [I]0-i get to spank it . But not today . [I]0-i drag the towel down [her]168-lia left leg and then all the way back up , where [I]0-i briefly pass over [her]168-lia pussy , and then drag the towel down [her]168-lia other leg . Meanwhile , [she]168-lia holds still , [her]168-lia hands propped against the window . “ There , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i toss the towel to the side . “ Let ’s see how [I]0-i did . ”[0-i] [I]0-i place both hands at [her]168-lia ankles and then slowly drag them up the sides of [her]168-lia legs , using [my]0-i fingertips rather than [my]0-i palm . Goosebumps break out over [her]168-lia skin as [I]0-i continue to work [my]0-i way up until [I]0-i ’m standing and [my]0-i hands are at [her]168-lia waist . “ Dry so far , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i walk [my]0-i hands up [her]168-lia stomach , and then with [my]0-i chest against [her]168-lia back , [I]0-i cup each breast and pass [my]0-i thumbs over [her]168-lia nipples . “ Fuck , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia whispers as [her]168-lia head once again falls back . “ [You]0-i like [your]0-i tits being played with , do n’t [you]0-i ? ”[168-lia] When [she]168-lia does n’t answer , [I]0-i squeeze [her]168-lia nipple and say , “ Do n’t [you]168-lia ? ”[0-i] “ Yes , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia breathes out heavily . “ [I]168-lia thought so . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i keep hold of one breast , lightly massaging it , while [I]0-i drag [my]0-i other hand up to [her]168-lia throat and grip it firmly . “ [You]0-i also like it when [I]0-i hold [you]0-i like this , do n’t [you]0-i ? ”[0-i] [She]168-lia nods against [my]0-i chest , and [her]168-lia confirmation turns [me]0-i on more . “ Good answer . Seems like [you]0-i ’re dry , but [I]168-lia just have one more place to check . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i keep [my]0-i hand at [her]168-lia throat , [my]0-i thumb pressed into [her]168-lia jaw , as [my]0-i other hand floats down [her]168-lia stomach , past [her]168-lia belly button , and straight to the spot between [her]168-lia legs . [I]0-i slip one finger over [her]168-lia slit and revel with just how fucking turned on [she]168-lia is . “ [Ophelia]70-ophelia , [I]0-i thought [I]0-i dried [you]168-lia off . ”[0-i] [I]0-i drag [my]0-i finger over [her]168-lia clit , causing [her]168-lia to moan . “ But [you]168-lia ’re incredibly wet . How could that be ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i remove [my]0-i finger and bring it up to [my]0-i mouth , where [I]0-i let [her]168-lia hear [me]0-i suck on it , while still holding [her]168-lia by the neck . “ Fuck , [you]168-lia taste so good . ”[0-i] [I]0-i place [my]0-i hand on [her]168-lia hip as [I]0-i speak softly to [her]168-lia . “ Now , [you]168-lia have two choices . [I]0-i can either lick [you]168-lia clean or bring the towel between [your]168-lia legs again . [You]168-lia tell [me]0-i what [you]168-lia want . ”[0-i] [She]168-lia gasps for air , and [I]0-i let up on [my]0-i hold only a touch . “ What ’s it going to be ? ”[0-i] “ [I]168-lia . . . [I]168-lia do n’t know , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia responds , too shy to ask for it . Well , that ’s not what [I]0-i want to hear , so [I]0-i ’m going to have to force [her]168-lia to beg for it . [I]0-i know [she]168-lia wants [me]0-i , and [I]0-i know [she]168-lia wants this . It ’s getting [her]168-lia out of [her]168-lia comfort zone that [I]0-i need to work on . “ Okay , then [I]0-i will decide for [you]168-lia . [I]0-i ’ll use the towel . ”[0-i] [I]0-i release [her]168-lia neck and reach for the towel just as [she]168-lia says , “ No . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i pause and ask , “ No , what ? ”[168-lia] “ [I]0-i . . . [I]0-i do n’t want the towel . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk and then bring [my]0-i hands up to [her]168-lia breasts where [I]0-i gently play with them , letting [my]0-i fingers pinch and tug on [her]168-lia nipples . “ Then what do [you]0-i want ? ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia takes a few shallow breaths before [she]168-lia says , “ [Your]0-i . . . [your]0-i tongue . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i moan into [her]168-lia ear , letting [her]168-lia know [I]0-i ’m pleased , as [I]0-i say , “ Good choice . ”[0-i] And then without warning , [I]0-i spin [her]168-lia around so [her]168-lia ass is against the window now , and [I]0-i pin [her]168-lia hands up again . “ Keep these there and spread [your]168-lia legs wider . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia does as [she]168-lia ’s told , and when [I]0-i think [she]168-lia ’s ready , [I]0-i press a kiss to the swell of [her]168-lia breast , and then drag [my]0-i tongue to [her]168-lia nipple where [I]0-i lap at it a few times . [She]168-lia writhes against [my]0-i mouth , wanting more , but [I]0-i take [my]0-i time . [I]0-i go at [my]0-i own pace , and when [I]0-i ’m ready , [I]0-i move down [her]168-lia stomach , kissing the entire way until [I]0-i ’m kneeling in front of [her]168-lia . [Her]168-lia breaths are short and jagged now , [her]168-lia stomach completely hollowed out , [her]168-lia pelvis leaning toward [me]0-i as [I]0-i kiss [her]168-lia pubic bone and then [her]168-lia hip flexor and then [her]168-lia inner thigh . [She]168-lia groans in anticipation , so [I]0-i move to the other side , driving [her]168-lia wild with desire , and when [she]168-lia ’s had enough , [I]0-i spread [her]168-lia with two fingers and then bring [my]0-i tongue to [her]168-lia clit , lapping [her]168-lia up in one long stroke . “ Oh my God , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia nearly screams as [her]168-lia legs tremble in front of [me]0-i . “ So fucking good , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i dive [my]0-i tongue against [her]168-lia clit , loving every goddamn second of this . [She]168-lia tastes so good . [She]168-lia feels so good . So right . As if this is where [I]0-i ’m supposed to be . This is what [I]0-i ’m supposed to be doing . [I]0-i spread [her]168-lia even wider and use [my]0-i tongue to flick against [her]168-lia clit . “ Oh . . . oh , [Breaker]68-breaker , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia cries as one of [her]168-lia hands falls to [my]0-i head . Normally , [I]0-i ’d tell [her]168-lia to put [her]168-lia hand back where [I]0-i put it , but [I]0-i allow [her]168-lia to touch [me]0-i because [I]0-i feel like [she]168-lia needs that connection . [Her]168-lia fingers sift through [my]0-i hair and tug on the short strands as [I]0-i continue to lap at [her]168-lia clit over and over again , loving the way [her]168-lia grip on [my]0-i hair grows tighter as [I]0-i bring [her]168-lia closer and closer to the edge . “ Feels . . . feels so good , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says as [her]168-lia body slides against the window . [She]168-lia must need a better position , so [I]0-i lift , grip [her]168-lia around the waist , and then slowly lower [her]168-lia to the floor . [I]0-i press [my]0-i hands against [her]168-lia inner thighs and spread [her]168-lia even wider , giving [me]0-i much better access . [I]0-i slide [my]0-i tongue along [her]168-lia slit in a long , slow motion , and [she]168-lia tries to clench [her]168-lia legs together , but [I]0-i do n’t allow it . “ Oh [my]168-lia God , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia whispers as [her]168-lia hand finds [my]0-i hair again . With [my]0-i nose pressed against [her]168-lia mound , [I]0-i flatten [my]0-i tongue against [her]168-lia arousal and slide it up and down , watching as [her]168-lia breathing picks up , [her]168-lia mouth falls open , and [she]168-lia tugs on [my]0-i hair . “ Fuck , [Breaker]68-breaker . Jesus , [I]168-lia ’m . . . [I]168-lia ’m . . . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i pick up [my]0-i pace , once again , flicking fast at [her]168-lia clit repeatedly , watching [her]168-lia excitement grow . [Her]168-lia pelvis arches , both of [her]168-lia hands fall to [my]0-i head where they keep [me]0-i in place , and [she]168-lia voluntarily spreads [her]168-lia legs as [her]168-lia chest rises and lets out a deep moan . “ Oh God ! ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia screams as [she]168-lia comes , [her]168-lia pussy drenched . [I]0-i lap it all up , licking [her]168-lia until [she]168-lia has nothing left to give . [Her]168-lia hands loosen in [my]0-i hair , and they fall to [her]168-lia sides as [she]168-lia attempts to catch [her]168-lia breath . Satisfied , [I]0-i lift from the floor , and as [I]0-i stare down at [her]168-lia , [my]0-i erection painfully in need of some attention , [I]0-i say , “ Get dressed and meet [me]0-i at [[my]0-i place]473-my place in ten . [I]0-i ’ll order food , and [we]3474-we can play a game . ”[0-i] And with that , [I]0-i head back to [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment to jack off in the shower . Holy fuck . Holy fucking fuck . Now it makes sense why [I]0-i ’ve held out . It ’s [her]168-lia taste . [Her]168-lia body . [Her]168-lia everything that [I]0-i ’ve wanted . . . probably for longer than [I]0-i think . Chapter Eighteen [LIA]168-lia [I]0-i stand in front of [[Breaker]68-breaker ’s apartment]613-breaker ’s apartment door , [my]0-i clit still throbbing after what [he]68-breaker did to [me]0-i , unsure if [I]0-i should knock or simply walk in . Normally , [I]0-i ’d just walk in , but after the past twenty - four hours , [I]0-i ’m not sure what [I]0-i should be doing now . [Breaker]68-breaker went down on [me]0-i . [He]68-breaker not only went down on [me]0-i , but [he]68-breaker made it seem like [I]0-i was [his]68-breaker Thanksgiving feast and [he]68-breaker was starving . Never in [my]0-i life have [I]0-i felt such euphoric pleasure , and that was with [his]68-breaker tongue . And [he]68-breaker asked for nothing in return . Just took what [he]68-breaker wanted and left . [I]0-i have no idea how to process it all . And even though [I]0-i want to hide away in [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment because [I]0-i do n’t know how to act , there ’s no way [he]68-breaker ’d allow that . Also , [I]0-i want answers . [I]0-i want to know what ’s going on . So [I]0-i grip the door handle and walk into [[his]68-breaker apartment]990-his apartment to find [him]68-breaker sitting on [his]68-breaker couch . [His]68-breaker hair is wet now , and [he]68-breaker ’s wearing a different pair of shorts , but that ’s it , just shorts . [I]0-i ’ve seen [him]68-breaker with [his]68-breaker shirt off plenty of times , but [he]68-breaker normally has a shirt on whenever [we]1639-we hang out . Not sure what changed today , but [I]0-i ’m not going to complain . [He]68-breaker ’s so handsome . . . sexy , with [his]68-breaker carved pecs and [his]68-breaker strong , muscular arms . Not to mention the stack of abs [he]68-breaker has for a stomach and the deep V that ’s sculpted into [his]68-breaker hips . [He]68-breaker ’s so good - looking that [I]0-i ’ve told [myself]0-i through all these years never to look because [he]68-breaker was [[my]0-i friend]2142-my friend , but now . . . now [I]0-i ’m allowing it . “ There [you]0-i are , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says in a jovial tone , as if [he]68-breaker did n’t just have [his]68-breaker head between [my]0-i legs . “ [I]68-breaker ordered [Thai]209-thai . Should be here in twenty . How do [you]0-i feel about playing Codenames ? [We]3475-we have n’t played that in a bit . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i stand there , stunned . Because [the man who [I]0-i ’m staring at right now]1641-the man who i ’m staring at right now is very different from [the man who was just gripping [my]0-i throat , telling [me]0-i [I]0-i was [a good girl]1643-a good girl for listening to [him]68-breaker]1642-the man who was just gripping my throat , telling me i was a good girl for listening to him . [The man in front of [me]0-i]1644-the man in front of me is [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend . [The guy [I]0-i ’ve grown comfortable with]1646-the guy i ’ve grown comfortable with , [the man [I]0-i ’ve relied on for so long]1647-the man i ’ve relied on for so long . But [the man from ten minutes ago]1648-the man from ten minutes ago , [he]1648-the man from ten minutes ago ’s . . . [he]1648-the man from ten minutes ago ’s on another level , and [I]0-i do n’t know how to handle it . “ [You]0-i okay ? ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] [he]1648-the man from ten minutes ago asks . “ Uh . . . not really , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i cross [my]0-i arms . “ [I]0-i ’m just a touch confused . ”[0-i] [He]1648-the man from ten minutes ago pats the couch . “ Come talk to [me]1648-the man from ten minutes ago . ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] [I]0-i hold up [my]0-i hand . “ [I]1648-the man from ten minutes ago think [I]1648-the man from ten minutes ago ’ll stand here , thank [you]1648-the man from ten minutes ago . ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] “ Okay . ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] When [he]1648-the man from ten minutes ago smiles , [I]0-i can see in [his]1648-the man from ten minutes ago eyes that [he]1648-the man from ten minutes ago knows exactly what [he]1648-the man from ten minutes ago ’s doing . “ [You]0-i can talk there . What ’s up , [Lia]168-lia ? ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] [Lia]168-lia . . . [Lia]168-lia ? Just so casual . Totally neglecting the fact that [he]1648-the man from ten minutes ago dominated [me]0-i in [[my]0-i own bedroom]1649-my own bedroom while using [my]0-i full name and commanding [my]0-i body to do things [I]0-i ’ve never done . “ What ’s up ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , [my]0-i voice rising . “ How about the fact that [you]168-lia ’re [[my]1648-the man from ten minutes ago best friend]2156-my best friend but just made [me]1648-the man from ten minutes ago come so hard that [I]1648-the man from ten minutes ago ’m not sure if [my]1648-the man from ten minutes ago clit is still attached . ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] [He]1648-the man from ten minutes ago chuckles and says , “ Trust [me]1648-the man from ten minutes ago , it is . But if [you]168-lia want [me]1648-the man from ten minutes ago to check , [I]1648-the man from ten minutes ago do n’t mind going down there again . This time , though , [I]1648-the man from ten minutes ago ’d prefer [you]168-lia sit on [my]1648-the man from ten minutes ago face . ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] “ Breaker , ”[0-i] [I]0-i shriek before covering [my]0-i eyes . “ What ? ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] [He]1648-the man from ten minutes ago laughs . “ [We]3477-we do n’t say those things to [each other]288-each other or do those things . . . ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] “ [You]0-i might not , but [I]1648-the man from ten minutes ago do now . ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] [He]1648-the man from ten minutes ago lifts from the couch . “ Want something to drink ? ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] [I]0-i watch [him]1648-the man from ten minutes ago casually move around [[his]1648-the man from ten minutes ago apartment]990-his apartment , grabbing a cup , filling it with ice , and then pouring a Gatorade into it . When [I]0-i do n’t answer [him]1648-the man from ten minutes ago , [he]1648-the man from ten minutes ago grabs another cup , fills it with ice , and tops it off with the rest of the Gatorade . Eyes on [me]0-i , [he]1648-the man from ten minutes ago brings the drink over and offers it to [me]0-i . For some reason , [my]0-i body registers just how close [he]1648-the man from ten minutes ago is , how much taller [he]1648-the man from ten minutes ago is than [me]0-i , how much more muscular . . . [My]0-i internal body temperature spikes all over again . “ Here , ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] [he]1648-the man from ten minutes ago says softly . “ [I]1648-the man from ten minutes ago did n’t say [I]1648-the man from ten minutes ago wanted a drink . ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] “ After all the panting [you]0-i just did in [[your]0-i bedroom]3479-your bedroom , [you]0-i ’re going to want the electrolytes . ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] [He]1648-the man from ten minutes ago smirks , and [I]0-i needle [him]1648-the man from ten minutes ago in the stomach , causing [him]1648-the man from ten minutes ago to laugh . [I]0-i take the drink from [him]1648-the man from ten minutes ago and follow [him]1648-the man from ten minutes ago into [the living room]937-the living room , where [I]0-i sit on the opposite side of the couch . “ Trying to keep [your]0-i hands to [yourself]0-i ? ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] [he]1648-the man from ten minutes ago asks . “ [I]1648-the man from ten minutes ago get it . ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] “ No , [I]0-i ’m trying to keep [you]1648-the man from ten minutes ago away . ”[0-i] “ If that were the case , [you]1648-the man from ten minutes ago would n’t have come over here . ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] “ As if [you]1648-the man from ten minutes ago would have allowed [me]0-i to stay at [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment , ”[0-i] [I]0-i scoff before taking a drink of the lime Gatorade . Ugh , that ’s refreshing . [I]0-i really did pant a lot . [My]0-i mouth feels dry . “ [I]0-i would have if that ’s what [you]1648-the man from ten minutes ago needed , but clearly , by [you]1648-the man from ten minutes ago being [here]249-here , [you]1648-the man from ten minutes ago needed . . . [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [He]1648-the man from ten minutes ago smirks again and sips from [his]1648-the man from ten minutes ago glass . “ Umm , arrogant much ? ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] “ Nah , just telling it like it is . ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] “ Then tell [me]1648-the man from ten minutes ago this , what the hell are [you]1648-the man from ten minutes ago doing ? ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] [He]1648-the man from ten minutes ago glances down at [himself]1648-the man from ten minutes ago , taking in [his]1648-the man from ten minutes ago person , and then back at [me]0-i . “ Looks like [I]1648-the man from ten minutes ago ’m enjoying a cool drink with [[my]1648-the man from ten minutes ago friend]2142-my friend . What are [you]1648-the man from ten minutes ago doing ? ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] “ Stop playing around , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Tell [me]0-i what ’s going on ? Are [we]3483-we . . . are [we]3483-we [friends with benefits]3484-friends with benefits or something ? Because that never works out . Trust [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Do [you]0-i think [we]3483-we ’re [friends with benefits]3484-friends with benefits ? ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] [he]1648-the man from ten minutes ago asks , staying as elusive as ever . “ No . [I]1648-the man from ten minutes ago think [we]3483-we ’re [friends]2146-friends , and [one of [us]3483-we]3487-one of us has lost [our]3483-we mind . ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] “ It ’s okay , ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] [he]1648-the man from ten minutes ago says , winking . “ [I]1648-the man from ten minutes ago ’m sure [you]0-i ’ll get [your]0-i head on straight again soon . ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] [I]0-i grind [my]0-i teeth together . “ [I]0-i was talking about [you]0-i . [You]0-i ’re [the one who ’s lost [his]1648-the man from ten minutes ago mind]3488-the one who ’s lost his mind . ”[0-i] [He]1648-the man from ten minutes ago scratches the side of [his]1648-the man from ten minutes ago head as [he]1648-the man from ten minutes ago says , “ Huh , odd . [I]1648-the man from ten minutes ago do n’t feel like [I]1648-the man from ten minutes ago have . [I]1648-the man from ten minutes ago feel pretty normal actually . ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] “ Oh [my]0-i God , [Breaker]68-breaker , ”[0-i] [I]0-i shout . “ [You]68-breaker ’re starting to make [me]0-i mad . ”[0-i] “ [I]1648-the man from ten minutes ago can sense that . How can [I]1648-the man from ten minutes ago make [you]68-breaker less mad ? ”[1648-the man from ten minutes ago] “ By telling [me]0-i what the hell is going on ? [I]0-i mean . . . do [you]68-breaker like [me]0-i or something ? ”[0-i] The question sounds so childish coming off [my]0-i lips that [I]0-i hate [myself]0-i for asking . “ [I]1652-he ’ve always liked [you]0-i , [Lia]168-lia , ”[1652-he] [he]1652-he answers . “ [I]1652-he mean . . . romantically . ”[1652-he] “ Well . ”[1652-he] [He]1652-he rubs [his]1652-he jaw with [his]1652-he hand . “ Let ’s see . [I]1652-he think [you]0-i ’re incredibly hot . [You]0-i taste like fucking candy . [Your]0-i tits will forever live in [my]1652-he dreams , and [I]1652-he ca n’t wait to have [your]0-i legs wrapped around [my]1652-he head , so take that as [you]0-i will . ”[1652-he] [He]1652-he smiles and then leans toward the coffee table to organize the game . And [I]0-i let that sink in . Not sure [I]0-i ’d ever have thought [Breaker]68-breaker would say something like that to [me]0-i . Never thought [he]1652-he ’d ever touch [me]0-i the way [he]1652-he has . But the way [he]1652-he answered [me]0-i , not actually saying [he]1652-he likes [me]0-i romantically , more what [he]1652-he likes about [me]0-i , puts [me]0-i on edge . “ [I]0-i ’m not just someone [you]1652-he can fuck around with , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say before [I]0-i can stop [myself]0-i . [He]1652-he pauses and turns so [our]1653-our eyes meet . “ [You]0-i think [I]1652-he ’d do that to [you]0-i ? ”[1652-he] [he]1652-he asks , [his]1652-he voice growing darker . “ [I]1652-he do n’t know , [Breaker]68-breaker . It feels like [I]1652-he ’m just a toy at the moment . ”[1652-he] [He]1652-he pushes back , then turns [his]1652-he body toward [me]0-i . “ That ’s insulting , [Lia]168-lia . Do [you]0-i really think [I]1652-he ’d treat [our]1653-our friendship so cheaply ? ”[1652-he] No . [I]0-i think [he]1652-he takes [our]1653-our friendship very seriously . “ Then what is it ? ”[1652-he] “ How about [you]0-i stop trying to label things and just enjoy ? [I]1652-he know what [I]1652-he ’m doing . ”[1652-he] “ Would be great to let [me]1652-he know what that is . ”[1652-he] [He]1652-he turns back toward the coffee table and shuffles some cards before saying , “ Let [me]1652-he worry about it . [You]0-i just sit back and relax . ”[1652-he] [He]1652-he cuts the conversation off with that . The rest of the night , [we]1653-our eat Thai food , play Codenames , joke around , and do n’t speak about what [we]1653-our ’ve done . When it ’s time for bed , [he]1652-he walks [me]0-i back to [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment , and when [I]0-i think [he]1652-he ’s going to kiss [me]0-i , [he]1652-he pulls [me]0-i into a hug and kisses the top of [my]0-i head . When [we]1653-our ’re in bed , [he]1652-he knocks on the wall four times , and with an uneasy feeling in [my]0-i chest , [I]0-i knock back three . * * * “ Look at this multicolored yarn , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ And it has glitter in it . ”[96-lottie] “ Oh wow , that ’s nice , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say while [the girls]551-the girls show [me]0-i all the supplies [they]551-the girls bought for [our]1653-our first knitting club gathering . After the whole towel and going down on [me]0-i situation , [I]0-i texted [the girls]551-the girls and asked [them]551-the girls if [they]551-the girls wanted to meet up , and luckily , [they]551-the girls were free the next day . [They]551-the girls think [they]551-the girls ’re going to learn how to knit , when in fact , [I]0-i have ulterior motives . [I]0-i need to figure out what ’s going on with [Breaker]68-breaker so [I]0-i know how to approach it . [Him]68-breaker . “ [I]188-myla got just plain red , ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla says , looking defeated . “ [I]188-myla did n’t know [we]1657-we were allowed to get a glitter yarn . ”[188-myla] “ [You]188-myla live and [you]188-myla learn , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says with a smirk while [Kelsey]113-kelsey sits in [our]1657-we circle after stepping out to answer a call . “ Okay , sorry about that . [JP]92-jp thought [we]1657-we were going out to dinner tonight , and [I]113-kelsey had to remind [him]92-jp that ’s tomorrow . ”[113-kelsey] “ Where are [you]1657-we two going ? ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla asks . “ To [this new sushi place]3489-this new sushi place that [he]92-jp ’s been wanting to go to for a while . ”[188-myla] “ Is it [Nori]210-nori ? ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie asks . “ Yes . Did [Huxley]92-jp take [you]0-i ? ”[96-lottie] “ Last week , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie answers . “ It ’s so good . ”[96-lottie] [She]188-myla then turns to [me]0-i and says , “ Are [you]0-i [a big sushi fan]3490-a big sushi fan ? ”[188-myla] “ [I]96-lottie love it . [Breaker]68-breaker and [I]96-lottie used to get it all the time in college . There was [a place [downtown]654-downtown that was n’t too pricey]3491-a place downtown that was n’t too pricey , but it was amazing . ”[96-lottie] “ Speaking of [Breaker]68-breaker , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says with a smile . “ [I]96-lottie heard through the grapevine that [he]68-breaker ’s been making a move . ”[96-lottie] The grapevine being [[her]188-myla husband]1658-her husband . “ What ? ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ [JP]92-jp did n’t say anything to [me]113-kelsey . ”[113-kelsey] “ That ’s shocking , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says as [she]96-lottie leans over and picks up one of the cookies [I]0-i made for tonight . “ [He]68-breaker ’s a bigger gossip than [Hux]159-hux . ”[96-lottie] “ [I]188-myla even heard a whispering of something , ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla said . “ But [[my]188-myla husband]984-my husband and [[his]984-my husband brother]1089-his brother ca n’t keep anything to [themselves]3495-themselves , and [Breaker]68-breaker hangs out with [Banner]155-banner enough for there to be a leak between [them]3495-themselves . ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla looks up at [me]0-i . “ So , is it true ? ”[188-myla] With all eyes on [me]0-i , [I]0-i know this is what [I]0-i wanted , but it does n’t make it easier , just makes the conversation flow better . “ Uh , yeah , [he]68-breaker did . ”[551-the girls] [The girls]551-the girls all clap and cheer , but it all feels so weird . “ [That boy]3496-that boy has had it really bad for [you]0-i , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ [God]199-god , [I]96-lottie ’m so glad [he]68-breaker finally did something about it . How was it ? ”[96-lottie] [I]0-i pause and tilt [my]0-i head to the side . “ [He]68-breaker ’s had it bad for [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , confused . [Lottie]96-lottie glances at [Kelsey]113-kelsey and then back at [me]0-i . “ [I]96-lottie mean . . . what ? ”[96-lottie] [She]96-lottie blinks a few times . “ [You]96-lottie said [he]68-breaker has it bad for [me]96-lottie . What do [you]96-lottie mean ? ”[96-lottie] “ Uh , [I]96-lottie do n’t think [I]96-lottie said that , right , [Kelsey]113-kelsey ? [I]96-lottie did n’t say that . ”[96-lottie] “ Yeah , [I]96-lottie do n’t think [she]113-kelsey said that . ”[96-lottie] “ That ’s what [I]188-myla heard , ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla says with a smirk , and when [the sisters]1660-the sisters look [her]188-myla way , [she]188-myla just shrugs . “ Listen , [we]3497-we ’re here for a reason . [These men of [ours]3497-we]3498-these men of ours often have the upper hand , and any advantage [we]3497-we can have over [them]3498-these men of ours , the better , so [we]3497-we might as well be truthful with [her]113-kelsey . Yes , [Breaker]68-breaker has had it bad for [you]113-kelsey . ”[188-myla] “ [He]68-breaker did n’t say that to [you]96-lottie ? ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie asks , looking guilty . “ No , [he]68-breaker did n’t . [He]68-breaker would n’t say anything really , other than [he]68-breaker knows what [he]68-breaker ’s doing . ”[96-lottie] “ Of course [he]68-breaker does , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says with an eye roll . “ [All the Cane brothers]3499-all the cane brothers know what [they]3499-all the cane brothers ’re doing and [we]3497-we are [mere pawns in [their]3499-all the cane brothers plans]3500-mere pawns in their plans . ”[113-kelsey] “ Oh stop , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ [I]96-lottie do n’t see any of [us]3497-we complaining about the orgasms . Which by the way , [you]0-i did n’t answer [me]96-lottie . Was it good ? ”[96-lottie] [I]0-i press [my]0-i lips together and nod . “ Yeah , it was spectacular . Like . . . unlike anything [I]0-i ’ve ever experienced . ”[0-i] “ It always is , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says while leaning back in [her]113-kelsey chair . “ [I]113-kelsey swear [these men]3501-these men have some sort of secret society where [they]3501-these men learn how to precisely play with [a woman]658-a woman so [they]3501-these men ’re ruined for [any other man]3503-any other man . ”[113-kelsey] “ It ’s true , ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla says . “ [Ryot]169-ryot has always been able to control [my]188-myla body , rendering it useless . ”[188-myla] “ [Huxley]92-jp is the same . [I]113-kelsey hated [him]92-jp so much when [we]3504-we first met , but somehow , [he]92-jp kept [me]113-kelsey around by using just [his]92-jp fingers . ”[113-kelsey] “ [Breaker]68-breaker used [his]68-breaker tongue , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , skipping over the dry humping because [I]0-i just do n’t think that ’s something [I]0-i can get into . “ But [he]68-breaker started it by ‘ helping [me]0-i dry off from the shower . ’ ”[0-i] [I]0-i use air quotes , causing [the girls]551-the girls to laugh . “ And before [I]0-i knew what was happening , [he]68-breaker had [me]0-i pressed against [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment window , completely naked , and was going down on [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ God , that ’s so hot , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ [I]96-lottie love when [Huxley]92-jp fucks [me]96-lottie against a window . It feels so naughty . ”[96-lottie] “ So it was magnificent then , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . When [I]0-i nod , [she]113-kelsey adds , “ Then why do [I]113-kelsey sense some hesitation ? ”[113-kelsey] “ Two reasons , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ For one , [I]113-kelsey literally just broke up with [[my]113-kelsey fiancé]371-my fiancé and called off [my]113-kelsey wedding . [I]113-kelsey think it makes [me]113-kelsey look incredibly slutty . ”[113-kelsey] “ [I]188-myla do n’t think so , ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla says . “ [I]188-myla think it ’s just [you]0-i figuring out what [you]0-i want , and that ’s important . ”[188-myla] “ [I]113-kelsey agree , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ [Me]113-kelsey too . What ’s the second reason ? ”[113-kelsey] [Lottie]96-lottie asks . “ It ’s [Breaker]68-breaker . [He]68-breaker ’s everything to [me]96-lottie , and even though when [we]3507-we ’re in the moment , when [he]68-breaker ’s touching [me]96-lottie , making [me]96-lottie feel things [I]96-lottie ’ve never felt before , [I]96-lottie ca n’t help but worry . What happens if this does n’t work out ? What if something goes wrong ? What if [he]68-breaker gets bored of [me]96-lottie and moves on ? It ’s weird now when [he]68-breaker ’s intimate , it ’s going to be so much weirder if [I]96-lottie get attached and [he]68-breaker decides to move on . ”[96-lottie] “ Not going to happen . ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie shakes [her]96-lottie head . “ [Breaker]68-breaker would never . ”[96-lottie] “ But [he]68-breaker ’s never had a true relationship before , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Because [he]68-breaker ’s had [you]113-kelsey , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ Because [you]113-kelsey ’ve been everything [he]68-breaker ’s ever needed , and now that [he]68-breaker ’s figured that out , [he]68-breaker ’s trying to take things to the next level . ”[113-kelsey] “ But . . . [he]68-breaker has n’t kissed [me]96-lottie . [He]68-breaker ’s just given [me]96-lottie orgasms . ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie and [Kelsey]113-kelsey pause as [they]1662-they exchange glances . [Myla]1663-myla and [I]0-i both look confused as [Lottie]96-lottie shakes [her]96-lottie head . “ Oh no . ”[96-lottie] “ Oh no , what ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [Kelsey]113-kelsey winces . “ [We]1662-they know exactly what [he]68-breaker ’s doing . ”[113-kelsey] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , growing anxious . “ [He]68-breaker has a plan , a meticulous plan to make [you]0-i fall for [him]68-breaker , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ It ’s true . ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey nods . “ [The Cane brothers]2207-the cane brothers , well , [they]2207-the cane brothers ’re something else . When [they]2207-the cane brothers have [their]2207-the cane brothers mind set on something , [they]2207-the cane brothers make it happen [their]2207-the cane brothers way . Meaning , [he]68-breaker has n’t kissed [you]0-i because [he]68-breaker ’s waiting for the perfect moment . ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie nods . “ Yup . The first kiss means something to [him]68-breaker , so [he]68-breaker ’s saving it . ”[96-lottie] “ And going down on [me]0-i means nothing ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [Kelsey]113-kelsey and [Lottie]96-lottie think on it just as [Myla]188-myla chimes in . “ Have [[you]2207-the cane brothers guys]2339-you guys ever been intimate before in [your]2207-the cane brothers friendship ? ”[188-myla] “ Never , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . [She]188-myla nods . “ Then this is [him]68-breaker probably showing [you]0-i that it can be normal . ”[188-myla] “ Ah , yes , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey seconds . “ God , that would so be something one of [them]2339-you guys would do . Think about the amount of times [JP]92-jp teased [me]113-kelsey before [we]2339-you guys actually had sex . Or [you]0-i and [Huxley]92-jp . It ’s [their]2339-you guys MO . It ’s what [they]2339-you guys do . [They]2339-you guys turn [you]0-i into putty until [you]0-i ca n’t do anything other than follow [them]2339-you guys around , waiting for [their]2339-you guys next move . ”[113-kelsey] “ Facts , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ The first time [Huxley]92-jp touched [me]96-lottie was [my]96-lottie last first — that ’s how powerful it was . Did it feel like that to [you]96-lottie ? ”[96-lottie] [I]0-i think back to [[my]0-i bedroom]496-my bedroom — not to when [we]1665-we were drunk — but to when [he]1666-he was pinning [me]0-i against the window because [we]1665-we were both very much aware of what was happening . “ It felt . . . it felt like nothing [I]113-kelsey ’ve ever felt before . It was as if [I]113-kelsey was just a mere instrument to [him]1666-he , and [he]1666-he knew exactly how to play [me]113-kelsey . [I]113-kelsey mean , [I]113-kelsey let [him]1666-he hold [me]113-kelsey by the throat . [I]113-kelsey let [him]1666-he put [me]113-kelsey into positions [I]113-kelsey never would have in the past , and [I]113-kelsey was convinced only by [his]1666-he touch , by [his]1666-he voice . ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey and [Lottie]96-lottie nod . “ Yup , [he]1666-he ’s playing [his]1666-he cards with [you]96-lottie , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ So what do [I]96-lottie do ? ”[96-lottie] [I]0-i ask . “ Nothing , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey answers . “ There ’s absolutely nothing [you]96-lottie can do . [You]96-lottie can try to fight it , but [I]113-kelsey do n’t think it ’ll do much . ”[113-kelsey] “ [I]188-myla might be overstepping a bit , ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla says , “ but it almost seems like [you]96-lottie might have the same feelings about [him]1666-he . Am [I]188-myla right ? ”[188-myla] “ [I]0-i ’ve never truly thought about it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [I]0-i always just considered [him]1666-he [[my]0-i friend]2142-my friend . But this past week or so , it ’s been different . [He]1666-he ’s looked at [me]0-i differently . [He]1666-he ’s told [me]0-i how beautiful [I]0-i am . [He]1666-he ’s said it before , but this was . . . it was as if [he]1666-he meant it from [a different place]3511-a different place . And then [he]1666-he started touching [me]0-i lightly , here and there . Like this night when [I]0-i felt really sad about losing [[my]0-i parents]2089-my parents and asked [him]1666-he to hold [me]0-i . [We]3513-we were in [his]1666-he bed , and nothing happened , but [his]1666-he hand did wander along [my]0-i hip . [I]0-i did n’t think much of it then , but after the night [we]3513-we got drunk — ”[0-i] “ Whoa . ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie holds up [her]96-lottie hand . “ What happened the night [you]0-i got drunk ? ”[96-lottie] “ [I]0-i ’m surprised [[your]0-i husbands]3514-your husbands did n’t tell [you]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i set [my]0-i yarn down , completely neglecting the knitting premise now . “ It was the day [I]0-i broke things off with [Brian]100-brian . [Breaker]68-breaker and [I]0-i went to celebrate , and [we]3513-we both got drunk and went to bed . [We]3513-we were playfully fighting over [his]1666-he pillow , and then [he]1666-he cuddled into [me]0-i . [I]0-i asked [him]1666-he if that was how [he]1666-he would hold [[his]1666-he girlfriend]3515-his girlfriend , and [he]1666-he said no and then proceeded to show [me]0-i exactly how [he]1666-he would touch [[his]1666-he girlfriend]3515-his girlfriend . ”[0-i] “ And how did [he]1666-he show [you]0-i ? ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla asks , sitting on the edge of [her]188-myla seat . [My]0-i cheeks heat just thinking about that night . “ With teasing touches . [He]1666-he ’d slowly move [his]1666-he hand to just below [my]188-myla breasts and then slip [his]1666-he hand past the waistband of [my]188-myla shorts . ”[188-myla] “ Oh dear God . ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey fans [herself]113-kelsey . “ Did the teasing lead to anything ? ”[113-kelsey] [I]0-i bite [my]0-i bottom lip . “ [I]113-kelsey , uh , [I]113-kelsey ended up dry - humping [him]1666-he to completion . ”[113-kelsey] “ Both of [you]0-i ? ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie asks , and [I]0-i nod . “ Well . . . that ’s it then , [you]113-kelsey just opened it all up for [him]1666-he to take control . ”[96-lottie] “ Yup , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ And then with the towel thing . [He]1666-he has [his]1666-he mind set , and [you]0-i need to decide if [you]0-i ’re going to let it happen or not . ”[113-kelsey] “ [I]1667-him . . . [I]1667-him really do n’t know . [I]1667-him do n’t want to lose [him]1667-him . ”[1667-him] [He]1667-him ’s told [me]0-i [he]1667-him ’s loved [me]0-i for years , and it ’s always been in friendship , but lately . . . lately it ’s felt like more . But how can [I]0-i know the difference ? And what if [I]0-i ’m not enough for [him]1667-him sexually and [his]1667-him interest in [me]0-i dwindles like [Brian]100-brian ’s did ? What if [I]0-i lose [him]1667-him too ? “ If what [you]0-i say is true , and [he]1667-him ’s trying to coax [me]0-i into a relationship , what happens if [he]1667-him does n’t believe [we]3517-we work ? As [a couple]3518-a couple ? [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i could manage [him]1667-him not being in [my]0-i life . ”[0-i] “ Sometimes the best relationship comes from a strong friendship as the foundation , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ That ’s how it was with [me]113-kelsey and [JP]92-jp . [We]3517-we got really close , and [I]113-kelsey thought [he]92-jp was [a great friend]3519-a great friend . Crossing that line felt natural to [me]113-kelsey . ”[113-kelsey] “ It does n’t feel natural to [me]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . [Lottie]96-lottie taps [her]96-lottie chin . “ [I]96-lottie think [Breaker]68-breaker is going to help [you]0-i see just how natural it can be . ”[96-lottie] * * * Breaker : Just got off work . Headed to [[your]1668-your place]2284-your place . [Lia]168-lia : Are [you]1670-you really just going to invite [yourself]1670-you over ? [Breaker]68-breaker : As if [I]0-i needed an invite to begin with . [Lia]168-lia : Maybe [you]1670-you need one now . [Breaker]68-breaker : Fine . . . [Lia]168-lia , can [I]0-i come over and play ? [Lia]168-lia : What does “ play ”[168-lia] entail ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Games . * eye roll * [Lia]168-lia : Okay , as long as [we]1671-we ’re playing games . [I]0-i can cook up some tortellini if [you]1670-you want . [I]0-i got the fresh kind . [Breaker]68-breaker : Serve [me]0-i a bowl . [I]0-i ’m making a quick stop . [Lia]168-lia : What are [you]1670-you getting ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Dessert . [Lia]168-lia : Okay , see [you]1670-you soon . * * * “ Hey , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says , walking into [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment . [I]0-i glance over [my]0-i shoulder just in time to see [him]68-breaker remove [his]68-breaker suit jacket , revealing [his]68-breaker tight - fitting button - up shirt where the top few buttons are undone , hinting at [his]68-breaker firm chest . “ Smells good . ”[68-breaker] “ Oh , thanks , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i turn around and face the stove , [my]0-i face heating from the mere sight of [him]68-breaker . [He]68-breaker walks into [the kitchen]497-the kitchen , comes right up behind [me]0-i , and places [his]68-breaker hand on [my]0-i hip while looking over [my]0-i shoulder . [I]0-i ’m immediately aroused , and that annoys [me]0-i . [I]0-i should n’t be this insane about [the man]260-the man . [I]0-i should be able to control [myself]0-i , but it seems like [the girls]551-the girls are right . It ’s next to impossible to control [yourself]1676-yourself around [the Cane men]1677-the cane men . [His]68-breaker hand slides under [my]0-i shirt and grips [my]0-i waist as [he]68-breaker says , “ Want [me]68-breaker to grab drinks ? ”[68-breaker] “ Uh , yeah . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i gulp . “ That would be helpful . ”[68-breaker] “ Okay . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker then lowers [his]68-breaker face to [my]0-i neck and places the lightest of kisses on [my]0-i skin . “ [You]0-i smell amazing , by the way . ”[68-breaker] And then [he]68-breaker pulls away , and [I]0-i ’m left stirring the sauce rather frantically as [I]0-i try to control [my]0-i pulse , which has skyrocketed . It ’s the little things with [him]68-breaker . The attention . The touches . What [he]68-breaker says . All things [I]0-i can now see that [I]0-i wanted [Brian]100-brian to do — all things [Breaker]68-breaker does without even asking . It ’s almost as if it ’s ingrained in [him]68-breaker , and [he]68-breaker does n’t need to think about it . It just happens . “ How was [your]0-i day ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks as [he]68-breaker grabs two Sprites from the fridge . “ It was fine , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , still feeling stiff . “ Just fine ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks as [he]68-breaker brings the drinks to the table . “ Yeah , nothing too exciting happened . ”[68-breaker] “ Well , [we]3520-we ’ll have to change that , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker grabs plates , and [I]0-i take the sauce off the stove . “ [I]0-i got this . [You]0-i go sit down . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i do n’t have to , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker places [his]68-breaker finger under [my]0-i chin and holds [me]0-i in place as [he]68-breaker says , “ [I]68-breaker want to . ”[68-breaker] Okay , then . [I]0-i let [him]68-breaker serve [us]1678-us , and when [I]0-i take a seat , [I]0-i watch as [he]68-breaker rolls up [his]68-breaker sleeves , which then plays in [my]0-i head like some sort of porno from the way [his]68-breaker muscly forearm flexes . God , [he]68-breaker really is so sexy . Why am [I]0-i only letting [myself]0-i notice it now ? [I]0-i mean , [I]0-i ’ve known [he]68-breaker ’s hot , but the thought has never hit [me]0-i like this before , like [I]0-i want to do something about it . With a plate in each hand , [he]68-breaker walks over to the table and sets it down in front of [me]0-i . [He]68-breaker grips the back of [my]0-i neck and says , “ Need anything else ? ”[68-breaker] “ Uh , [I]0-i do n’t think so , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer while [his]68-breaker palm burns into [my]0-i skin . [He]68-breaker gives [me]0-i a light squeeze . “ Let [me]68-breaker know if [you]0-i do . ”[68-breaker] Before [he]68-breaker takes a seat , [he]68-breaker scoots [his]68-breaker chair closer to [mine]0-i and then sits down , only to place [his]68-breaker hand on [my]0-i bare thigh . [I]0-i nearly choke on [my]0-i tortellini . “ Problem ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks . “ [Your]0-i , uh , [your]0-i hand is on [my]68-breaker thigh . ”[68-breaker] “ And . . . ”[68-breaker] “ Is it supposed to be there ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i stare at [his]68-breaker gorgeous smirk . “ As a matter of fact , it is . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker stabs some tortellini with [his]68-breaker fork and sticks it in [his]68-breaker mouth . Okay . . . [I]0-i guess [his]68-breaker hand is on [my]0-i thigh then . [I]0-i turn back to [my]0-i plate and try not to focus on the way [his]68-breaker thumb caresses [my]0-i skin back and forth slowly . It ’s like [he]68-breaker ’s lulling [me]0-i into some sort of sex - induced lullaby . News flash , it ’s working . “ Are n’t [you]0-i going to ask [me]68-breaker how [my]68-breaker day was ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks . [I]0-i swallow and take a sip of [my]0-i Sprite . “ How was [your]68-breaker day ? ”[0-i] “ Pretty good . [We]3521-we had a company - wide meeting to go over the Shoemacher case , and then [we]3521-we fielded questions . It took up a great deal of the day . [We]3521-we split up the questions by department so [we]3521-we did n’t keep [people]2122-people waiting . [I]68-breaker was glad to be back in [the office]2191-the office . ”[68-breaker] “ That ’s good . [You]68-breaker happy ? ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker glances over at [me]0-i and smiles . “ Very . ”[68-breaker] And for some reason , [I]0-i do n’t think [he]68-breaker answered about work . * * * “ [I]68-breaker can do those , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker comes up behind [me]0-i while [I]0-i ’m at the sink , washing the pots . [His]68-breaker hands once again slip under [my]0-i shirt and past the waistband of [my]0-i shorts to land on [my]0-i hips . With [his]68-breaker chest right against [my]0-i back , the position feels more intimate than anything [I]0-i ever did with [Brian]100-brian . “ [I]68-breaker can handle it . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i sure ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks , [his]68-breaker fingers sliding inward , causing a dull throb to ache between [my]0-i legs . “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer as [I]0-i rest [my]0-i head against [his]68-breaker chest . Just for a moment . [He]68-breaker chuckles , and [I]0-i can feel the rumble throughout [my]0-i whole body . [He]68-breaker brings one hand even closer in , resting just above where [I]0-i want [him]68-breaker . “ [I]68-breaker have no problem cleaning up . [You]0-i did cook , after all . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker lips tug on [my]0-i ear , and [I]0-i drop the sponge in the sink and fully relax into [him]68-breaker . “ [I]68-breaker . . . [I]68-breaker can do it . ”[68-breaker] “ Okay . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker nibbles on [my]0-i ear again . “ [I]68-breaker ’ll get dessert ready . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker removes [his]68-breaker hands , and [I]0-i almost let out an unsatisfied moan to call [him]68-breaker back . Throughout dinner , [he]68-breaker kept [his]68-breaker hand on [my]0-i thigh as [we]1679-we talked about [the old theater in [Culver City]39-culver city opening up again and the old movies [they]1681-they ’d play]1680-the old theater in culver city opening up again and the old movies they ’d play . [He]68-breaker was attentive , [he]68-breaker laughed with [me]0-i , [he]68-breaker listened , and [he]68-breaker asked questions . Just like every other conversation [we]1679-we ’ve ever had . Yet this felt different . Everything feels different . And it ’s scary . What ’s especially scary is the way [I]0-i feel empty when [he]68-breaker walks away . That should be the most concerning thing out of all of this . [I]0-i never felt anything like that with [Brian]100-brian . [I]0-i should n’t be comparing things with [Brian]100-brian , but if what [the girls]551-the girls said is true , and [Breaker]68-breaker wants to move [our]1679-we friendship into a relationship , then [Brian]100-brian is the benchmark . And [I]0-i ’m coming to realize that it is a very low benchmark . [He]68-breaker texted [me]0-i again today , but that was it . [I]0-i have n’t read any of [his]68-breaker messages because , why bother ? [We]1679-we ’re done . End of story . No way would [I]0-i feel this way if things ended with [Breaker]68-breaker . And that ’s what terrifies [me]0-i . [I]0-i finish washing the pot , clear out the sink , and then wipe down the counters . When [I]0-i glance up and do n’t see [Breaker]68-breaker at the dining room table , [I]0-i call out , “ [Breaker]68-breaker ? ”[0-i] “ In here , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says from [[my]0-i bedroom]496-my bedroom . Oh dear God . What kind of dessert could [we]1679-we possibly have in [the bedroom]1154-the bedroom ? [I]0-i tug on the hem of [my]0-i shirt as [I]0-i head toward [his]68-breaker voice . That ’s when [I]0-i hear [the bathtub]1685-the bathtub filling with water . [I]0-i poke [my]0-i head around the corner to find [Breaker]68-breaker turning off the faucet . [The tub]1686-the tub is full of water and topped off with bubbles , while candles provide the only light in [the room]250-the room . “ What ’s this ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , unsure of what else to say . [Breaker]68-breaker turns toward [me]0-i , and [my]0-i eyes immediately fall to [his]68-breaker unbuttoned shirt and exposed chest and stomach . “ Bath time , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says before walking up to [me]0-i and taking the hem of [my]0-i shirt in [his]68-breaker hands . But [he]68-breaker does n’t pull up . [He]68-breaker waits for [me]0-i to give [him]68-breaker the go - ahead . A part of [me]0-i wonders what would happen if [I]0-i walked away , but the other part of [me]0-i — the desperate part of [me]0-i — wants to see what [he]68-breaker has in store . So [I]0-i lift [my]0-i arms , and [he]68-breaker slowly drags [my]0-i shirt over [my]0-i head and then drops it to the floor . “ Turn around , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says . And [I]0-i do so . [He]68-breaker undoes [my]0-i bra and lets it fall to the ground right before [he]68-breaker drags [my]0-i shorts and panties to the ground , leaving [me]0-i completely naked . [His]68-breaker hands fall to [my]0-i hips again as [he]68-breaker presses [his]68-breaker warm body against [mine]0-i . [His]68-breaker mouth caresses [my]0-i cheek while [his]68-breaker hands slide up [my]0-i stomach to [my]0-i breasts . [Breaker]68-breaker seems to really like [my]0-i breasts , which is definitely boosting [my]0-i residual self - doubt from [Brian]100-brian ’s lack of interest . Stop thinking about [him]68-breaker . [You]1688-you have [a hot - as - hell man]1689-a hot - as - hell man touching [your]1688-you boobs . “ [You]0-i ’re so fucking addicting , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker pinches [my]0-i nipples . [My]0-i head falls back , and [his]68-breaker lips find [my]0-i neck . [He]68-breaker trails kisses up the column and then back down while [he]68-breaker plays with [my]0-i nipples . “ Fuck , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [my]0-i body blazes . “ [You]68-breaker like that , do n’t [you]68-breaker ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod , not holding anything back , because [I]0-i do . [I]0-i like when [he]68-breaker touches [my]0-i breasts , when [he]68-breaker plays with them , when [his]68-breaker fingers pinch and pull on [my]0-i nipples . “ Good . Now listen closely , [Lia]168-lia . [I]0-i ’m going to need [you]168-lia to slip into the bathtub , rest [your]168-lia head on the end , and spread [your]168-lia legs . Got it ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod again and follow [his]68-breaker instructions . [He]68-breaker helps [me]0-i into the tub , and [I]0-i sink into the luxurious warm water . “ How does that feel ? ”[68-breaker] “ Amazing , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i get comfortable . “ Good . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker then reaches into a brown paper bag that [I]0-i did n’t notice and pulls out a dildo . [My]0-i eyes widen as [he]68-breaker switches it on . The tubular part vibrates and rotates while a little part at the base flicks up and down . Oh my God , is [he]68-breaker going to use that on [me]0-i ? [My]0-i cheeks immediately flame as [he]68-breaker sits on the edge of the tub . “ Have [you]68-breaker ever used one of these before ? ”[68-breaker] “ N - No , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say nervously . “ It ’s simple . ”[0-i] [He]68-breaker brings it to [the tub]1686-the tub and parts the bubbles from [my]0-i breast before letting it vibrate against [my]0-i nipple . “ [You]0-i just stick this inside [your]0-i delicious pussy and let it do all the work . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker - In the tub ? ”[68-breaker] “ Yes . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker flips it off and drags it down [my]0-i stomach , causing it to hollow out right before [he]68-breaker lowers [his]68-breaker hand into the water and runs the dildo along [my]0-i pussy . “ What are [you]68-breaker going to do ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Watch , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker answers simply . “ Take [my]68-breaker hand and help [me]68-breaker guide it inside [you]0-i . ”[68-breaker] “ But it ’s so big . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker catches [my]0-i eyes as [he]68-breaker says , “ If [you]0-i think this is big , wait until [I]68-breaker let [you]0-i have [my]68-breaker cock . Now guide it in . ”[68-breaker] Rocked by [his]68-breaker words , [I]0-i help [him]68-breaker guide the dildo in , noting how it stretches [me]0-i , but nothing painful . It just feels . . . incredible . “ How are [you]68-breaker ? ”[68-breaker] “ Fantastic . ”[68-breaker] “ Good . Hold it in place . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker switches it on , and [I]0-i nearly fly out of the tub from the buzzing inside [me]0-i and the clit stimulator on the outside . “ Oh my fuck , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as water sloshes around [me]0-i , [my]0-i legs clamping tight . “ Relax , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says while pushing [my]0-i chest down . “ But . . . oh [my]68-breaker God , [Breaker]68-breaker . It ’s too much . ”[68-breaker] “ It ’s not . Just relax . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker pinches [my]0-i nipple , relaxing [me]0-i immediately , which then intensifies the sensation between [my]0-i legs . “ How ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [my]0-i head slowly moves from side to side . “ How what ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks as [he]68-breaker releases [my]0-i breasts and stands above [me]0-i . “ How do [you]68-breaker know what [I]68-breaker need ? ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i glance up to see [his]68-breaker serious expression , hungry , greedy . “ Because [I]68-breaker know everything about [you]0-i , [Lia]168-lia , even what will make [you]0-i come . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]68-breaker do , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i sink into the water , letting the vibrator do the work . “ It feels so good , like — ”[68-breaker] It turns off , and [I]0-i look up at [him]68-breaker to find [him]68-breaker holding a remote . “ What are [you]68-breaker doing ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Controlling the situation . ”[0-i] And then [he]68-breaker turns the vibrator back on , shocking [me]0-i and causing [my]0-i legs to spasm . “ Oh my God , ”[0-i] [I]0-i moan . The clit stimulator combined with the vibration is a sensation [I]0-i ’ve never experienced before , and [I]0-i ’m loving every second of it . Soaking it in , letting [myself]0-i let go of all of [my]0-i thoughts and concerns , focusing on how everything feels and [the man in front of [me]0-i]1644-the man in front of me , with [his]68-breaker shirt open and [his]68-breaker hungry eyes watching [me]0-i . “ Play with [your]0-i tits , [Lia]168-lia . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker voice feels like a drug , seeping into [my]0-i veins and governing [my]0-i every movement . Without question , [my]0-i hands travel up [my]0-i body to [my]0-i breasts , and [I]0-i push them together . To keep the vibrator in place , [I]0-i clench [my]0-i legs together . Holy shit , that ’s intense . “ Breaker , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i run [my]0-i fingers over [my]0-i hardened nipples . “ Shit , [you]0-i ’re so hot , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [I]0-i hear [him]68-breaker unzip [his]68-breaker pants . [My]0-i eyes immediately open and fall to [his]68-breaker waist as [he]68-breaker reaches into [his]68-breaker briefs and pulls out [his]68-breaker long , thick cock . Oh . [My]0-i . Fuck . Girthy . [Lengthy]211-lengthy . And so , so hard . [His]68-breaker gaze is on [me]0-i as [I]0-i take [him]68-breaker all in . [My]0-i mouth waters , [my]0-i legs quiver , and [I]0-i know deep in [my]0-i mind that [I]0-i do n’t think [he]68-breaker could fit in [me]0-i . There is no way . “ [Breaker]68-breaker , [you]68-breaker ’re . . . [you]68-breaker ’re so big . ”[68-breaker] “ And fucking hard because of [you]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker turns up the vibration on the remote , and [my]0-i eyes squeeze shut as [my]0-i body is rocked with pleasure . [I]0-i hear [him]68-breaker grunt and the telltale sign of [his]68-breaker hand sliding up and down [his]68-breaker length . It ’s so erotic . [We]1692-we ’re not touching [each other]288-each other , yet [we]1692-we ’re getting [each other]288-each other off . “ [I]68-breaker ’m going to be inside [you]68-breaker soon , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [I]0-i open [my]0-i eyes to see [him]68-breaker pulling on [his]68-breaker cock , [his]68-breaker chest muscles firing off , [his]68-breaker abs contorting with every stroke . “ And [I]68-breaker ’m going to fuck [you]68-breaker , [Lia]168-lia . [I]68-breaker ’m going to make sure [you]68-breaker feel nothing but [my]68-breaker dick for the rest of [your]68-breaker goddamn life . ”[68-breaker] The vibrator moves faster , and [I]0-i ca n’t do anything other than let [him]68-breaker take over . So [I]0-i bring one hand down to the vibrator , hold it in place , and then use [my]0-i other hand to play with [my]0-i nipple , running [my]0-i finger around it in circles , flicking at it , and then pinching it the way [Breaker]68-breaker does . “ Fuck , this feels so good , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [my]0-i pelvis starts to move with the vibrations . “ Do [you]0-i wish it was [my]68-breaker cock inside [you]0-i ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks . “ [Your]68-breaker cock is too big , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [my]0-i legs start to spasm with jolts of pleasure . “ [My]68-breaker cock is perfect for [your]0-i cunt , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , [his]68-breaker voice drawing [me]0-i to look up at [him]68-breaker . “ [You]0-i hear [me]68-breaker ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks , determination in [his]68-breaker expression . “ [My]68-breaker cock is fucking perfect for [your]0-i deliciously tight cunt . ”[68-breaker] [My]0-i chest fills with air as [my]0-i head feels dizzy . [I]0-i nod in agreement , only for [him]68-breaker to press the button on the remote again , the dildo now vibrating at a frantic pace that causes [my]0-i stomach to bottom out . “ Oh [my]0-i God . . . oh fuck , ”[0-i] [I]0-i yell as [my]0-i body seizes . The stimulator rubs [my]0-i clit in just the right spot , causing [my]0-i body to break out in a sweat . An undeniable pressure builds and builds at the base of [my]0-i stomach , letting [my]0-i pleasure climb until it ’s sitting right there , ready to fall over . “ [Breaker]68-breaker . . . oh [my]0-i God , ”[0-i] [I]0-i groan . “ [You]0-i need to come ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks . “ Yes , ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i grind out , and then in a flash , the vibrator is turned off . [My]0-i eyes shoot open , and [I]0-i breathlessly ask , “ What are [you]68-breaker doing ? ”[0-i] “ Making [you]68-breaker wait for [me]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker continues to pump [his]68-breaker cock , but steps closer and closer to [me]0-i until [his]68-breaker pelvis is right at [my]0-i face . “ Suck [me]68-breaker into [your]0-i mouth . ”[68-breaker] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [You]68-breaker heard [me]0-i , [Lia]168-lia . Suck [my]0-i cock . ”[0-i] “ But , [I]68-breaker ’m not — ”[68-breaker] “ Do n’t , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says . “ Do n’t fucking tell [me]68-breaker [you]0-i ’re not good at it . Just from the look of [your]0-i lips , [I]68-breaker know [you]0-i ’ll make [me]68-breaker come in seconds . So suck [my]68-breaker fucking cock into [your]0-i mouth . Now . ”[68-breaker] So turned on but also unsure , [I]0-i turn in the tub so [I]0-i ’m kneeling in front of [him]68-breaker . With the vibrator still between [my]0-i legs , [I]0-i reach out and take [his]68-breaker girth into [my]0-i hand . [His]68-breaker eyes squeeze shut just from the touch , which gives [me]0-i confidence , and then [I]0-i slowly bring [him]68-breaker up to [my]0-i mouth , where [I]0-i lick along the rim . “ Jesus fucking Christ , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [his]68-breaker palm lands on [my]0-i head . [He]68-breaker does n’t force [me]0-i or encourage [me]0-i . It ’s almost like [he]68-breaker needs to have [his]68-breaker hand there to keep steady . [I]0-i swirl [my]0-i tongue around the head a few times , pull [him]68-breaker into [my]0-i mouth , and then release [him]68-breaker , repeating the rhythm a few times . [I]0-i watch in fascination as [his]68-breaker chest rises and falls more rapidly . [I]0-i love the way [his]68-breaker fingers dig into [my]0-i scalp , and the groans that fall past [his]68-breaker lips are so erotic that it heightens [my]0-i pleasure as well . [I]0-i swirl a few more times and then remember what [he]68-breaker said about flicking the underside of [his]68-breaker cock . [I]0-i drag [my]0-i tongue to the base and then lick all the way up to the point that [I]0-i know [he]68-breaker loves the most . And that ’s when [I]0-i start flicking and pumping [his]68-breaker cock with [my]0-i hand at the same time . “ Motherfucker , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker breathes out . “ Fuck , [Lia]168-lia . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker hand plays with [my]0-i hair . “ [Your]168-lia mouth . So goddamn good . So warm . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i suck [him]68-breaker in , and [his]68-breaker legs buckle for a moment . [I]0-i pull [him]68-breaker all the way out , then push [him]68-breaker farther in , and when [I]0-i drag [him]68-breaker out , [I]0-i let [my]0-i teeth slowly skim across [his]68-breaker length . “ Fuck ! ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker shouts as [he]68-breaker stiffens , and then the vibrator turns back on in full force . [I]0-i moan against [his]68-breaker cock as rapture shoots through [me]0-i . “ [Breaker]68-breaker , [I]0-i ’m . . . [I]0-i ’m there . ”[0-i] “ Then suck [me]68-breaker hard , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , and [I]0-i do . [I]0-i pull on [his]68-breaker cock so hard that [I]0-i feel like [I]0-i ’m going to hurt [him]68-breaker . But [I]0-i do n’t . [I]0-i just spur [him]68-breaker on even more , and as [my]0-i orgasm climbs closer and closer , [my]0-i body going numb , [my]0-i vision fading . All [I]0-i can think about is how [I]0-i want [him]68-breaker to come . How [I]0-i want to hear [his]68-breaker moans . [I]0-i swirl [my]0-i tongue , dip [my]0-i mouth over [his]68-breaker cock , pull back with [my]0-i teeth , and when [I]0-i ca n’t hold on to [my]0-i orgasm any longer , [I]0-i moan loudly against the head of [his]68-breaker length as [my]0-i whole body spasms . “ So fucking . . . hot , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [his]68-breaker entire body stiffens . “ Swallow [me]68-breaker , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says right before [he]68-breaker pulses inside [my]0-i mouth and comes . [I]0-i swallow every last drop , and when [he]68-breaker ’s done , [I]0-i fall into the bathtub , trying to catch [my]0-i breath as [I]0-i stare up at [him]68-breaker . [He]68-breaker drops to [his]68-breaker knees and reaches out to [me]0-i , where [he]68-breaker grips the back of [my]0-i neck , pulling [me]0-i closer to the edge . “ Fucking Christ , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , breathing heavily as [his]68-breaker eyes are on [mine]0-i . “ Jesus , [Lia]168-lia . ”[68-breaker] “ Did . . . did [you]0-i like that ? ”[68-breaker] “ Did [I]68-breaker like that ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks , shocked . “ [I]68-breaker more than liked that . [I]68-breaker just developed an addiction to [your]0-i mouth . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker thumb drags over [my]0-i lips as [he]68-breaker gently says , “ [My]68-breaker cock lives here now . This is [my]68-breaker mouth . These are [my]68-breaker teeth . This is [my]68-breaker tongue . ”[68-breaker] And when [I]0-i think [he]68-breaker ’s going to go in for a kiss as [he]68-breaker pulls [me]0-i closer , [he]68-breaker kisses the top of [my]0-i forehead and then pulls away . “ Good night , [Lia]168-lia . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker pulls away , and with a surprise protest , [I]0-i say , “ Wait , [you]68-breaker ’re leaving ? ”[0-i] “ The plan was always to leave after dessert . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker stands , and [I]0-i watch [him]68-breaker stuff [his]68-breaker penis back into [his]68-breaker pants , but [he]68-breaker does n’t bother zipping up . “ Get some good rest . ”[68-breaker] And then [he]68-breaker ’s off without another word . [I]0-i do n’t know how long [I]0-i stay in the tub , at least until the water goes cold . [I]0-i drain the water , rinse off , and then [I]0-i do n’t even bother with clothes as [I]0-i brush [my]0-i teeth and climb into bed naked , [my]0-i mind flooding with thoughts of what [we]1695-us just did . [I]0-i reach to turn off [my]0-i bedside light when [my]0-i phone dings with a text message . Breaker : Thank [you]0-i for dinner , [Lia]168-lia . [I]0-i stare at the text for what feels like a minute . It ’s such a stark contrast to the way [he]68-breaker left [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment . How can [he]68-breaker just turn it on and off like that ? [My]0-i mind is still whirling with every erotic thing that happened between [us]1695-us tonight . Does n’t [he]68-breaker have the same thoughts ? [I]0-i decide to ask [him]68-breaker because [I]0-i need to understand this better . [Lia]168-lia : How can [you]68-breaker act like nothing just happened ? [Breaker]68-breaker : [I]0-i ’m not acting like nothing happened . Trust [me]0-i , [I]0-i can still feel [your]0-i mouth on [my]0-i cock . [Lia]168-lia : Then . . . then why are [you]68-breaker acting so casual about all of this ? [I]0-i have no idea what ’s happening between [us]1695-us , and [you]68-breaker ’re not helping . [Breaker]68-breaker : This feels normal to [me]0-i , [Lia]168-lia . Like [I]0-i should have been intimate with [you]168-lia for the last ten years , but [I]0-i know it ’s taking [you]168-lia time to get [there]2152-there . [I]0-i want [you]168-lia to see just how normal it is . [Lia]168-lia : It does n’t feel normal . It feels weird . Breaker : Did it feel weird when [you]0-i were dragging [your]0-i teeth along [my]0-i dick ? [Lia]168-lia : Well , no . But that was in the moment . Breaker : Exactly . Keep living in the moment and stop overthinking everything . Good night , [Lia]168-lia . And then , then [he]68-breaker knocks on the wall four times , and reluctantly , [I]0-i knock on it three . * * * [I]0-i do n’t even bother getting [my]0-i yarn out of [my]0-i bag as [I]0-i take a seat on [Kelsey]113-kelsey ’s couch . [I]0-i called an emergency meeting after last night , and [the girls]551-the girls were more than happy to accommodate . [The men]1325-the men , not so much . [Lottie]96-lottie sets down a plate of mini quiches that [Reign]192-reign made , as well as a plate of [his]68-breaker delicious croissants . “ Seemed like a croissant moment , ”[96-lottie] [she]96-lottie says . [Kelsey]113-kelsey brings over a bowl of jelly , plates , and utensils while [Myla]188-myla files in with drinks . “ What ’s going on ? ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey asks . Getting straight to the point , [I]0-i say , “ [[You]96-lottie guys]2339-you guys were right . [He]68-breaker has a plan , and [he]68-breaker ’s executing it . ”[0-i] [Lottie]96-lottie leans over and grabs a mini quiche . Before popping it in [her]96-lottie mouth , [she]96-lottie says , “ [The Cane men]1677-the cane men always have a plan . . . always . ”[96-lottie] “ What happened ? ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla asks . [I]0-i go into detail about the night and how [we]1700-we shared a nice dinner , and [he]68-breaker was all handsy , but conversation was normal . And then when it came to dessert . . . “ Wait , [he]68-breaker had a dildo with a remote and then put [you]0-i in the tub ? ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie asks , blinking . [My]0-i cheeks are flaming as [I]0-i nod . “ Yes . And let [me]0-i tell [you]96-lottie , never in [my]0-i life have [I]0-i ever done anything like that . Not even by [myself]0-i . ”[0-i] “ [I]96-lottie knew [he]68-breaker was [the kinkier one]3526-the kinkier one , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie whispers . “ That ’s not even the kinkiest part , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . [Myla]188-myla lifts [her]188-myla drink to [her]188-myla lips and says , “ Please tell [us]551-the girls . ”[188-myla] “ Uh , well , [he]68-breaker told [me]551-the girls to suck [him]68-breaker off while the vibrator was still inside [me]551-the girls . ”[551-the girls] [The girls]551-the girls all sit there , partially stunned . “ And [I]0-i did , ”[0-i] [I]0-i add . [Lottie]96-lottie swallows and asks , “ How was [his]68-breaker dick ? ”[96-lottie] “ Like a freaking log . ”[551-the girls] [The girls]551-the girls let out a boisterous laugh . “ Seriously , it was so big . [I]551-the girls told [him]68-breaker that was n’t fitting inside [me]551-the girls , and [he]68-breaker told [me]551-the girls how [his]68-breaker cock was perfect for [my]551-the girls . . . cunt . ”[551-the girls] “ [He]68-breaker said that ? ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey asks . “ [Man]2061-man , [I]113-kelsey do n’t know if [I]113-kelsey ’m going to be able to look at [Breaker]68-breaker the same way . ”[113-kelsey] “ [I]188-myla do n’t think any of [us]3528-us will , ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla says . “ Quick question , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says , holding up [her]96-lottie finger . “ Did [you]0-i suck [him]68-breaker off ? ”[96-lottie] Starting to feel a touch more comfortable with these conversations , [I]0-i nod . “ [I]0-i did and . . . [I]0-i really liked it . ”[0-i] “ [Thatta girl]3529-thatta girl , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says while patting [my]0-i leg . “ So what ’s the problem ? ”[96-lottie] [Myla]188-myla asks . “ The problem is , everything still feels weird . Like when [we]3528-us ’re in the moment , nothing is weird about it . It ’s so natural . And sure , [he]68-breaker stuns [me]96-lottie with what [he]68-breaker says and what [he]68-breaker wants [me]96-lottie to do , but after . . . after is what ’s killing [me]96-lottie . And when [I]96-lottie talked to [him]68-breaker about it last night , [he]68-breaker told [me]96-lottie to stop overthinking everything . ”[96-lottie] “ [He]68-breaker ’s right , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ [You]188-myla need to just live in the moment . ”[113-kelsey] “ [I]188-myla agree , ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla says as [she]188-myla puts jelly on a croissant . “ It sounds like [he]68-breaker ’s trying to normalize it all , and if [you]188-myla ’re resistant , it ’s going to make it hard for [him]68-breaker to do that . ”[188-myla] “ The big question is , do [you]188-myla want something more with [him]68-breaker ? ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey asks . [I]0-i lean back on the couch and give it some thought . Life without [Breaker]68-breaker is a life [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i could handle , nor do [I]0-i want it . This new level of [our]1703-our friendship , it ’s different , but [I]0-i also seem to enjoy it . That ’s a lie . [I]0-i know [I]0-i enjoy it . Immensely . “ [I]0-i think [I]0-i do , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ But that terrifies [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Understandable , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ But [you]188-myla know [Breaker]68-breaker wo n’t do anything to hurt [you]188-myla , ever . [He]68-breaker cherishes [you]188-myla . ”[96-lottie] “ [He]68-breaker really does , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey adds . “ Pretty much worships the ground [you]188-myla walk on . ”[113-kelsey] “ And [he]68-breaker ’s intending to make something so much more of [[you]188-myla two]2100-you two , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie adds . “ [I]0-i guess so . But . . . the weirdness , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Then do n’t make it weird , ”[0-i] [Myla]188-myla chimes in . “ Take charge . Do n’t let [him]68-breaker lead the way . Surprise [him]68-breaker and initiate something [yourself]188-myla . Maybe that will take the weird out of it . ”[188-myla] “ Ooo , good idea , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ Oh , that makes [me]96-lottie sweaty , ”[96-lottie] [I]0-i say . “ [I]0-i ’ve initiated many times before , but [Breaker]68-breaker is just so much more experienced than [I]0-i am . [I]0-i ’d feel like [an idiot]1009-an idiot if [I]0-i tried to initiate . ”[0-i] “ All [you]188-myla have to do is walk up to [him]68-breaker and grab [his]68-breaker penis , and [he]68-breaker ’ll be good to go , ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla says , causing [us]1704-us to laugh . “ Yeah , [I]188-myla might need more than that . ”[188-myla] “ So [you]188-myla ’re open to initiation ? ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey asks . “ [I]113-kelsey think so . [I]113-kelsey mean , it makes sense . If [I]113-kelsey want something , [I]113-kelsey need to move forward on it as well , and maybe it will be less awkward if [I]113-kelsey take the first step . ”[113-kelsey] “ [I]188-myla think so . ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla taps [her]188-myla chin . “ Oh , [I]188-myla know . [You]188-myla can send [him]68-breaker a dirty text . ”[188-myla] “ Yes . ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie slaps the armrest of the sofa . “ A dirty text . That ’s perfect . [You]188-myla can hide behind the keyboard so [you]188-myla do n’t have to face the initial awkwardness , but [you]188-myla can also control the conversation . ”[96-lottie] “ That is a great idea , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey chimes in . “ What should it say ? Something that will really grab [his]68-breaker attention . Like . . . [I]113-kelsey like [your]188-myla penis . ”[113-kelsey] [Lottie]96-lottie rolls [her]96-lottie eyes . “ Excuse [[my]96-lottie sister]3532-my sister . [She]3532-my sister ’s not that good at dirty talk . ”[96-lottie] [Kelsey]113-kelsey folds [her]113-kelsey arms . “ Okay , what would [you]188-myla type ? ”[113-kelsey] “ Well , since [you]188-myla ’re putting [me]188-myla on the spot , [I]188-myla ’m not going to be as eloquent as if [I]188-myla took some time to really think about it . But [she]3532-my sister could say something like . . . [I]188-myla ’m so horny just thinking about last night . ”[188-myla] “ Better , ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla says and shakes [her]188-myla head . “ But not good enough . [We]3533-we need something that would match [Breaker]68-breaker ’s style , something that would really grab [his]68-breaker attention . ”[188-myla] [She]188-myla thinks about it for a second , and then a smile crosses [her]188-myla face . “ Got it . ”[188-myla] “ Please share , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says , crossing one leg over the other . “ Plain and simple . . . [I]96-lottie want to sit on [your]0-i face . ”[96-lottie] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , [my]0-i cheeks feeling like they just caught in flames . “ Yessss , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie drags out . “ [God]199-god , [Huxley]92-jp goes insane when [I]96-lottie say stuff like that . ”[96-lottie] “ [JP]92-jp loves that as well , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey adds . “ [[You]96-lottie guys]2339-you guys would text that to [[your]96-lottie men]3535-your men ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask in disbelief . “ Yup . ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie pulls out [her]96-lottie phone . “ Watch . [I]96-lottie ’ll text [him]92-jp right now and show [you]0-i [his]92-jp response . [We]1705-we should all do it . ”[96-lottie] “ [I]188-myla have no problem with that , ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla says and pulls out [her]188-myla phone , and [Kelsey]113-kelsey does the same . [They]1705-we all send a text . “ Seconds , just wait , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says , and then [her]96-lottie phone dings . With a smile , [she]96-lottie clears [her]96-lottie throat . “ [I]96-lottie said , [I]96-lottie want to sit on [your]0-i face , and [he]92-jp responded . . . ”[96-lottie] [She]96-lottie wets [her]96-lottie lips . “ Get [home]373-home . Now ! ”[96-lottie] [Kelsey]113-kelsey ’s phone dings with a text . “ That would be [[my]113-kelsey husband]984-my husband . And [he]92-jp said , ‘ babe , [you]0-i know [your]0-i pussy has a permanent reservation , party of one on [my]113-kelsey face . ’ ”[113-kelsey] [I]0-i smirk just as [Myla]188-myla ’s phone goes off . [She]96-lottie opens up [her]96-lottie text and says , “ [Ryot]169-ryot texted a tongue and three drops of water . As well as , ‘ when [you]0-i get [home]373-home , strip down , [I]96-lottie ’ll be waiting in [the bedroom]1154-the bedroom . ’ ”[96-lottie] Hmm , [I]0-i wonder what [Breaker]68-breaker would say . [Curiosity]212-curiosity gets the best of [me]0-i , so [I]0-i take out [my]0-i phone as well . [Lottie]96-lottie claps [her]96-lottie hands as [she]96-lottie says , “ [She]96-lottie ’s doing it . ”[96-lottie] [They]1706-they ’re right . [I]0-i need to cross the bridge of awkwardness if [I]0-i ’m going to make this work , and [I]0-i do . [I]0-i do n’t want to lose [him]68-breaker . [I]0-i want more of [him]68-breaker , but [I]0-i ’m just scared . The only way not to be scared is to jump in headfirst . [I]0-i pull up [our]1707-our text thread , and [I]0-i shoot [him]68-breaker a text . [Lia]168-lia : Hey . “ What did [you]113-kelsey say ? ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey asks . “ [I]113-kelsey just said hey , figured [I]113-kelsey ’d work [him]68-breaker in first . ”[113-kelsey] [My]0-i phone dings , and [I]0-i read [his]68-breaker text out loud . “ Hey , was just thinking about [you]113-kelsey . ”[0-i] “ Ooo , ask [him]68-breaker what [he]68-breaker was thinking about , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . [I]0-i text back . [Lia]168-lia : What were [you]68-breaker thinking about ? [My]0-i phone dings . “ About how [I]0-i want to see [you]68-breaker tonight . Come over to [[my]0-i place]473-my place ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i glance up at [the girls]551-the girls . “ Should [I]0-i say it now ? ”[0-i] [They]551-the girls all nod . On a shaky breath , [I]0-i text [him]68-breaker back . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i ’ll be there . . . [I]0-i really want to sit on [your]68-breaker face . [I]0-i squeeze [my]0-i eyes shut and press send . “ Oh [my]0-i God , [I]0-i ca n’t believe [I]0-i just said that to [him]68-breaker . What if [he]68-breaker thinks it ’s weird ? ”[0-i] “ Guaranteed [he]68-breaker wo n’t , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . “ [He]68-breaker ’ll love it so much . ”[96-lottie] “ [He]68-breaker will , ”[188-myla] [Myla]188-myla adds . “ Just wait . ”[188-myla] [I]0-i stare down at [my]0-i phone , and when [I]0-i see the blue dots indicating that [he]68-breaker ’s typing , [my]0-i stomach drops . And then a resounding ding sounds off through [the living room]937-the living room . Instead of reading it out loud at first , [I]0-i read it to [myself]0-i . [Breaker]68-breaker : Good . [Your]68-breaker cunt is [mine]68-breaker tonight . [I]0-i ’m famished . [My]0-i eyes widen when [I]0-i look up at [the girls]551-the girls . “ Oooo , [his]68-breaker response has to be good , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . [I]0-i turn the phone around for [all of [them]551-the girls]1711-all of them to read it together because [I]0-i ca n’t say what [he]68-breaker texted out loud . “ Dear God , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ Ummm , did [Breaker]68-breaker just win ? ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie asks . [Myla]188-myla nods [her]188-myla head as [she]188-myla sits back . “ Yeah , [he]68-breaker beat out all [the boys]2357-the boys with [his]68-breaker response . ”[188-myla] [She]188-myla then looks at [me]0-i and says , “ Have fun tonight . Looks like it ’s going to be one hell of a time . ”[188-myla] Chapter Nineteen BREAKER [I]0-i owe [Lottie]96-lottie and [Kelsey]113-kelsey a medal of honor because [I]0-i know for a fact the reason [Lia]168-lia texted [me]0-i earlier about wanting to sit on [my]0-i face is because of [them]1712-them . [I]0-i know [they]1712-them had a knitting club thing tonight because [JP]92-jp was bitching about how [he]92-jp wanted to go ravage [[his]92-jp wife]553-his wife but could n’t . [Lia]168-lia ’s participated in everything [I]0-i ’ve initiated so far , which has been out - of - [this - world]1714-this - world amazing . But then [I]0-i read . . . [I]0-i really want to sit on [your]1715-your face . Fuck , did that send an enormous smile to [my]0-i lips . Does that mean [she]168-lia ’s starting to feel more comfortable with the idea of [us]1716-us ? So soon ? Fuck yes , [I]0-i hope so . There is no doubt in [my]0-i mind that [the girls]551-the girls have convinced [her]168-lia to step outside of [[her]168-lia comfort zone]1718-her comfort zone . And [I]0-i ’m fucking grateful . [Lia]168-lia is at [[her]168-lia place]2823-her place now , changing , not sure into what , but [she]168-lia ’s changing , and [I]0-i ’m waiting impatiently for [her]168-lia to get [here]249-here . [I]0-i ’ve thought about how [I]0-i want to approach this because [I]0-i want [her]168-lia to feel like [she]168-lia can take charge , but [I]0-i also know that [she]168-lia ’s most likely going to be shy , so [I]0-i ’m going to have to read [her]168-lia . [I]0-i pace [[my]0-i living room]1121-my living room , and when [I]0-i hear a door next door shut , [I]0-i hold [my]0-i breath . [I]0-i stare down [my]0-i door , and after a few seconds , the knob twists open . “ Hey , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia calls out . [I]0-i glance toward the entryway and catch [her]168-lia in a pair of green silk shorts and a white tank top . [She]168-lia ’s not wearing a bra . That ’s evident by how hard [her]168-lia nipples are . “ Hey , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i come into view . Immediately , [her]168-lia eyes fall to [my]0-i chest . [I]0-i ’ve noticed [she]168-lia ’s spent more time checking [me]0-i out in the recent week than ever before , and [I]0-i ’m eating it up . It ’s why [I]0-i keep going shirtless when [I]0-i ’m around [her]168-lia . [I]0-i walk right up to [her]168-lia , slip [my]0-i hand around [her]168-lia waist and pull [her]168-lia into [my]0-i chest , then kiss the top of [her]168-lia head . Have [I]0-i wanted to kiss [her]168-lia on the lips ? Every goddamn second [I]0-i ’m around [her]168-lia , but [I]0-i ’m waiting . That first kiss , it ’s going to be a special moment , one [I]0-i want to fucking remember forever , so [I]0-i ’ve held off even though it ’s pained [me]0-i . “ How was [knitting club]3542-knitting club ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask [her]168-lia calmly . Difficult , because [my]0-i body is buzzing from [her]168-lia text . “ It was fun , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says as [she]168-lia pulls away . [I]0-i can tell right away that [she]168-lia is n’t displaying as much confidence as [she]168-lia was with [her]168-lia text , so [I]0-i ’ll need to take charge . Not a problem at all . [I]0-i take [her]168-lia hand in [mine]0-i and move [her]168-lia to the couch , where [I]0-i take a seat . [I]0-i have [her]168-lia sit between [my]0-i legs so [her]168-lia back is to [my]0-i chest . [We]1722-we stretch [our]1722-we legs out along the couch , and because [I]0-i already have music playing and the lights are dimmed , the mood is set . [Her]168-lia head rests on [my]0-i shoulder , and [I]0-i circle [her]168-lia waist while one hand moves under [her]168-lia shirt so [I]0-i ’m touching [her]168-lia stomach . “ Did [you]168-lia see that [the Blue Man Group]3543-the blue man group was coming to [LA]40-la ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [They]3543-the blue man group are ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks . “ Please tell [me]0-i [we]1722-we ’re going . ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle . “ [You]168-lia know , [I]0-i could always take [you]168-lia to [Vegas]41-vegas to see [them]3543-the blue man group . [I]0-i ’m rich after all . Hell , [I]0-i can host [our]1722-we own private show here at [the apartment]809-the apartment . ”[0-i] “ Flashing [your]168-lia money , are [we]1722-we ? ”[168-lia] [I]0-i like [her]168-lia lighthearted tone , so [I]0-i go with it . “ [I]0-i feel like [I]0-i need to impress . ”[0-i] “ Do [you]0-i know how [you]0-i can impress ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks . “ Recite all of the characters in Harry Potter in alphabetical order with [corresponding house]3545-corresponding house — if [they]3545-corresponding house have one . ”[168-lia] “ Hmm , something to work on . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smooth [my]0-i hand over [her]168-lia stomach and then work [my]0-i way up to [her]168-lia breast , barely skimming it with [my]0-i fingers . “ Do [you]0-i know what [JP]92-jp told [me]0-i today ? ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks , [her]168-lia voice sounding breathless . “ [Huxley]92-jp apparently has a soft spot , and [I]168-lia ’m not talking about [Lottie]96-lottie . ”[168-lia] “ What do [you]0-i mean ? ”[0-i] “ Well , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say while dragging [my]0-i fingers along [her]168-lia stomach , loving how it dips and expands with every breath [she]168-lia takes and every touch [I]0-i make . “ [Huxley]92-jp was in [[his]92-jp office]821-his office , and [JP]92-jp walked in on [him]92-jp and saw [his]92-jp eyes were teary . ”[0-i] “ No , [I]168-lia do n’t believe it , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says while shaking [her]168-lia head . “ [Huxley]92-jp does n’t cry . ”[168-lia] “ [I]0-i know , that ’s what [I]0-i said . And when [JP]92-jp asked [him]92-jp what was going on , [Huxley]92-jp shut down . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , as if [the man]260-the man would share [his]92-jp feelings . ”[0-i] “ Exactly , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , loving how much [Lia]168-lia knows about [[my]0-i family]2957-my family . “ But [you]0-i know [JP]92-jp , [he]92-jp ’s relentless , and [he]92-jp irritated [Huxley]92-jp so much that [he]92-jp finally spilled and said [he]92-jp was watching a video [Lottie]96-lottie sent [him]92-jp of a baby hearing for the first time after not being able to hear since birth . [Huxley]92-jp ended up showing [JP]92-jp the video , and [they]3548-they teared up together . Then of course [JP]92-jp donated half a million dollars to a foundation that helps families who ca n’t afford the equipment needed to help [[their]3549-their children]3550-their children hear . ”[168-lia] “ Oh [my]168-lia God , that ’s so sweet , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says . “ [I]168-lia thought [you]0-i were going to say something ridiculous like . . . [JP]92-jp ’s pigeon craze . ”[168-lia] “ That ’s where [I]0-i thought it was going too , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i bring [my]0-i hand back up to [her]168-lia breast . This time , [I]0-i lightly cup it and drag [my]0-i thumb over the bottom . “ But [I]0-i was surprised to hear that it was about [a kid]3551-a kid . It makes [me]0-i think [they]3552-they ’re hiding something . ”[0-i] “ What do [you]0-i mean ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks . “ [I]168-lia do n’t know . [I]168-lia think [Lottie]96-lottie might be pregnant . ”[168-lia] “ No . ”[0-i] [Lia]168-lia shakes [her]168-lia head . “ [She]96-lottie had drinks with [us]3553-us the other night . ”[168-lia] “ Yeah , but [JP]92-jp also said [he]92-jp ’s seen some nonalcoholic knockoffs . Or [she]96-lottie ’s skipped the booze portion of the drink . ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia twists so [she]168-lia sits on [my]0-i lap now , [her]168-lia back against the couch and [her]168-lia legs draping off the edge of the couch . “ No , [she]96-lottie ca n’t be pregnant . [I]168-lia ’m sure [I]168-lia would have been able to tell . ”[168-lia] “ Do [you]168-lia have uterus X - ray vision [I]0-i do n’t know about ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [She]168-lia presses [her]168-lia palm to [my]0-i face , causing [me]0-i to laugh . “ [You]0-i know what [I]168-lia mean . ”[168-lia] “ [I]0-i really do n’t . [I]0-i think [she]96-lottie is . The signs are there . [Huxley]92-jp has been extra protective around [her]96-lottie lately . More than usual . And [he]92-jp ’s canceled a few appointments . [JP]92-jp told [me]0-i about it . [He]92-jp thinks [they]3554-they ’ve been going to see [the doctor]3555-the doctor . ”[0-i] [I]0-i place [my]0-i hand on [her]168-lia thigh as [she]168-lia stares off in wonderment . “ [I]168-lia ca n’t fathom it , [Huxley]92-jp being [a father]3556-a father . Then again , [I]168-lia never , and [I]168-lia mean never , thought [he]92-jp would get married . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia turns toward [me]0-i now , straddling [my]0-i lap . [I]0-i accommodate the switch in position and slip [my]0-i hands under [her]168-lia shorts , all the way up to the juncture of [her]168-lia hips . “ But here [he]92-jp is , proving [me]0-i wrong with every turn . [Lottie]96-lottie really has domesticated [him]92-jp . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , [I]0-i ’m glad [they]3557-they bumped into [each other]288-each other . [I]0-i like [Lottie]96-lottie a lot . ”[0-i] “ [Me]168-lia too , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says . “ And [Kelsey]113-kelsey , for that matter . Are [she]113-kelsey and [JP]92-jp trying to get pregnant ? ”[168-lia] “ [I]0-i did n’t ask , but from the look in [JP]92-jp ’s eyes when [he]92-jp was talking about [Lottie]96-lottie possibly being pregnant , [I]0-i could see the desire in [his]92-jp eyes . [I]0-i think [JP]92-jp would make [a great dad]3559-a great dad . ”[0-i] “ [I]168-lia think so as well . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia places [her]168-lia hands on [my]0-i chest . “ [I]168-lia like gossiping about [[your]0-i siblings]3560-your siblings . [They]3560-your siblings present such an austere image that seeing behind the scenes of [these powerful men]3561-these powerful men is fun . ”[168-lia] “ What about [me]168-lia ? ”[168-lia] “ [I]168-lia know everything about [you]0-i already , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says . “ Not everything , ”[168-lia] [I]0-i answer . [She]168-lia smooths [her]168-lia hands over [my]0-i chest and asks , “ What do [I]168-lia not know ? ”[168-lia] “ That the first night [you]0-i came to [[my]168-lia dorm]325-my dorm , [I]168-lia told [myself]168-lia halfway through Scrabble that [I]168-lia was going to ask [you]0-i out when all was said and done . ”[168-lia] [Her]168-lia head tilts to the side . “ No , [you]0-i were n’t . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i nod . “ Yes , [I]0-i was . [I]0-i was gathering the courage to do so . ”[0-i] “ Why did n’t [you]0-i ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks , confused . “ Because [you]0-i said [you]0-i wanted [a friend]2434-a friend , and [I]168-lia did n’t want to ruin [our]3564-our connection , so [I]168-lia said okay , [I]168-lia ’ll be [[your]0-i friend]2442-your friend . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia wets [her]168-lia lips and asks , “ So why now ? Why have [you]0-i changed that way of thinking ? ”[168-lia] “ Because , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer as [I]0-i grab the hem of [her]168-lia shirt and slowly drag it up and over [her]168-lia head . “ [I]0-i realized that seeing [you]168-lia marry [another man]1143-another man was [my]0-i absolute worst - case scenario because [I]0-i have deep - rooted feelings for [you]168-lia , [Lia]168-lia . ”[0-i] [My]0-i hands go to [her]168-lia breasts , and [she]168-lia lifts [her]168-lia chest in a gasp as [she]168-lia moves [her]168-lia ass along [my]0-i growing erection . “ Do [you]0-i think [you]0-i could feel the same way ? ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia glides [her]168-lia teeth over [her]168-lia bottom lip , and when [her]168-lia eyes connect with [mine]0-i , [she]168-lia says , “ [I]168-lia think so . ”[168-lia] “ Good , ”[168-lia] [I]0-i answer before [I]0-i pick [her]168-lia up and stand from the couch . [Her]168-lia arms wrap around [my]0-i neck , and [her]168-lia breasts press against [my]0-i bare chest . It ’s such a delicious feeling that [I]0-i almost feel sad that [I]0-i ’m going to break the contact soon . “ This is all so . . . weird and new to [me]168-lia , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia admits . “ It ’s hard for [me]0-i to wrap [my]0-i head around it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i carry [her]168-lia into [[my]0-i bedroom]496-my bedroom and lay [her]168-lia on the bed before [I]0-i reach for [her]168-lia waist and take off [her]168-lia shorts , leaving [her]168-lia completely naked . Being able to see [her]168-lia naked whenever [I]0-i want is like a goddamn dream . “ [I]0-i ’m still trying to wrap [my]0-i head around it as well , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i push [my]0-i shorts down and grip [my]0-i erection at the base . [I]0-i squeeze it and let out a hiss as [I]0-i take in [her]168-lia perfect body . The swell of [her]168-lia hips . The way [her]168-lia nipples are pebbled all the fucking time . The slight part of [her]168-lia lips as [she]168-lia watches [me]0-i stroke [myself]0-i . “ Tell [me]168-lia this , [Lia]168-lia , how did [you]168-lia like having [my]168-lia cock in [your]168-lia mouth yesterday ? ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia swallows deeply before saying , “ [I]168-lia liked it . . . a lot . ”[168-lia] “ Good answer . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stroke [my]0-i length , running [my]0-i hand over the head while [Lia]168-lia ’s eyes remain transfixed on what [I]0-i ’m doing . “ Did [you]168-lia play with the vibrator after ? ”[168-lia] “ No . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia shakes [her]168-lia head . “ Why not ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Because . ”[0-i] [Her]168-lia hand floats over [her]168-lia breasts , and [I]0-i watch in jealousy as [she]168-lia plays with them . “ [I]168-lia did n’t think [I]168-lia was allowed to play . . . without [you]168-lia . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i swear [my]0-i dick gets even harder from [her]168-lia response . Wetting [my]0-i lips , [I]0-i then lower to the bed , where [I]0-i hover over [her]168-lia with one hand on either side . “ That ’s an even better answer , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i lower [my]0-i mouth to [her]168-lia chest , where [I]0-i nip along [her]168-lia skin . “ Feel free to play whenever [you]168-lia want without [me]0-i , but . . .”—I[0-i] lift to look [her]168-lia in the eyes—“always think about [me]0-i . ”[0-i] And then [I]0-i pepper [her]168-lia chest with kisses , going from one side to the other , sucking on [her]168-lia skin , nibbling , leaving [my]0-i mark so when [she]168-lia wakes up tomorrow and looks in the mirror , [she]168-lia knows exactly who [she]168-lia belongs to . [Her]168-lia hands drag up [my]0-i back and to [my]0-i neck , where [she]168-lia plays with the short strands of [my]0-i hair . “ Do [you]0-i . . . do [you]0-i really find [me]168-lia attractive ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks , surprising [me]0-i . [She]168-lia has n’t said very much during [our]1725-our last encounters , other than to tell [me]0-i [she]168-lia was enjoying what [I]0-i was doing , but today is different . [She]168-lia ’s bolder today , [she]168-lia ’s more open . More inquisitive . To answer [her]168-lia question , [I]0-i take [her]168-lia hand and place it on [my]0-i hard - on . “ [You]168-lia tell [me]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . [She]168-lia strokes lightly , and [her]168-lia touch feels like fire , stoking the flames with every move of [her]168-lia hand . “ And . . . and [you]0-i really want [me]168-lia ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks . [I]0-i pull [her]168-lia nipple into [my]0-i mouth and suck hard , causing [her]168-lia chest to lift off the bed . When [I]0-i release the little nub , [I]0-i say , “ [I]0-i think about [you]168-lia every second of every day , [Lia]168-lia . [I]0-i want [you]168-lia more than [I]0-i ’ve ever wanted anything in [my]0-i life . ”[0-i] [I]0-i kiss down [her]168-lia stomach and hover there , loving how [she]168-lia ’s squirming for [my]0-i touch . “ Any other questions ? ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia wets [her]168-lia lips and nods . “ Hurry up , because [I]168-lia ’m fucking starving . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i lower and dip [my]0-i tongue against [her]168-lia pussy , causing [her]168-lia to moan . [Her]168-lia eyes squeeze shut , and on a breathy moan , [she]168-lia asks , “ Is this just fun for [you]0-i . . . or is it something more ? ”[168-lia] [I]0-i bring [my]0-i mouth to [her]168-lia pussy , and [I]0-i spread [her]168-lia . [I]0-i do n’t lick [her]168-lia just yet , [I]0-i only hover , and when [she]168-lia glances down at [me]0-i , [I]0-i say , “ This is so much fucking more . ”[0-i] And then [I]0-i dive [my]0-i tongue against [her]168-lia clit . “ Oh my God , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says as [her]168-lia legs spread and [her]168-lia hands fall to [my]0-i hair . This is [my]0-i fucking happy place , right here , between [her]168-lia legs , making [her]168-lia moan [my]0-i name . And [I]0-i ’m so fucking mad at [myself]0-i for taking this long to realize it . Sure , [I]0-i was always attracted to [her]168-lia , but it took a goddamn second for [me]0-i to figure out that [I]0-i wanted [her]168-lia . And that makes [me]0-i infuriated . Because [I]0-i nearly lost [her]168-lia . [I]0-i would have hated [myself]0-i forever if [I]0-i ’d lost [her]168-lia . [I]0-i press [my]0-i tongue along [her]168-lia clit , sliding it slowly , and when [she]168-lia lightly breathes out [my]0-i name , [I]0-i know it ’s time . [I]0-i move away , and as [she]168-lia protests , [I]0-i flip [her]168-lia to [her]168-lia stomach . “ Wh - what are [you]0-i doing ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks . [I]0-i drag [my]0-i hand down [her]168-lia spine and over the curve of [her]168-lia ass . After smoothing [my]0-i hand over the round globe , without thinking , [I]0-i smack [her]168-lia ass , leaving a red handprint . “ Fuck . ”[0-i] [She]168-lia grips the comforter beneath [her]168-lia but does n’t protest . So [I]0-i do it again . “ Breaker , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia breathes heavily . “ What ? ”[168-lia] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i smooth [my]0-i hand over the red spot . “ [I]0-i . . . [I]0-i do n’t know . ”[0-i] [I]0-i spank [her]168-lia again , and this time , [she]168-lia lets out a hiss . “ [You]0-i like it , do n’t [you]0-i ? ”[168-lia] On a light moan , [she]168-lia says , “ Yeah . ”[168-lia] “ But [you]0-i were n’t expecting to like it ? ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia shakes [her]168-lia head . Smiling , [I]0-i spank [her]168-lia again . . . and again . The sound reverberates through [[my]0-i bedroom]496-my bedroom , and [I]0-i know it ’s a sound [I]0-i ’m going to commit to memory because it ’s so sweet , hearing [her]168-lia softly moan with each slap . [I]0-i rub [my]0-i hand along [her]168-lia ass , massaging it lightly , letting the sting of the spank be smoothed by [my]0-i palm . And then after a few more seconds , [I]0-i spank [her]168-lia again . “ Breaker , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia cries out . [I]0-i smile and then prop [her]168-lia ass up into the air , where [I]0-i slip [my]0-i hand between [her]168-lia legs and feel just how wet [she]168-lia is . “ That ’s fucking right , [Lia]168-lia . ”[0-i] [I]0-i fun [my]0-i finger along [her]168-lia slit . “ [You]168-lia ’re ready for [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i release [my]0-i hand , walk around the bed , and then lie down . [I]0-i put [my]0-i hands behind [my]0-i head and say , “ Okay , come here . ”[0-i] [She]168-lia peeks up from where [her]168-lia head is resting on the mattress and asks , “ What do [you]0-i mean ? ”[168-lia] “ [You]0-i wanted to sit on [my]168-lia face . So come sit on it . ”[168-lia] “ Oh . ”[168-lia] [Her]168-lia cheeks redden to a dangerous shade of embarrassment . “ [I]0-i , well . . . [we]3567-we do n’t have to . ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes narrow . “ [You]0-i said [you]0-i wanted to . Therefore , [you]0-i will do it . Get over here . Now . ”[0-i] “ Breaker , [I]0-i just . . . [I]0-i ’ve never — ”[0-i] [I]0-i lift , grab [her]168-lia arm , and tug [her]168-lia toward [me]0-i . Then [I]0-i turn [her]168-lia around so [her]168-lia back is facing [my]0-i front , and [I]0-i position [her]168-lia to straddle [my]0-i chest . “ What are [you]0-i doing ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks . [I]0-i press [my]0-i hand to [her]168-lia back and lower [her]168-lia down and then bring [her]168-lia ass right up to [my]0-i face . “ Oh [my]168-lia God , [Breaker]68-breaker , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says right before [I]0-i slip two fingers inside [her]168-lia . “ Fuck , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia grinds out , and [I]0-i can feel [her]168-lia breath on [my]0-i erection . Would [I]0-i love for [her]168-lia to pull [me]0-i into [her]168-lia mouth while [I]0-i do this ? Of course . But am [I]0-i going to make [her]168-lia ? Never . [I]0-i tilt [her]168-lia pelvis up more , and [I]0-i bring [her]168-lia closer so [my]0-i mouth is right against [her]168-lia drenched pussy . That ’s when [I]0-i start swiping . [Her]168-lia legs clench around [me]0-i , and [she]168-lia falls forward , [her]168-lia mouth right next to [my]0-i cock . As [I]0-i lick [her]168-lia , [her]168-lia hands run up and down [my]0-i inner thighs , so [I]0-i spread them for [her]168-lia , and that ’s when [she]168-lia reaches under and cups [my]0-i balls . “ Shit , [Lia]168-lia , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mumble as [my]0-i head falls for a second . “ [You]0-i like that ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks . “ Fuck yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer and so [she]168-lia continues to cup them while [her]168-lia other hand grips [my]0-i cock . “ [You]168-lia do n’t have to , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say in a rush , even though [I]0-i desperately want [her]168-lia mouth again . “ [I]168-lia want to , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia answers before [she]168-lia sucks the tip into [her]168-lia wet , warm mouth . Fucking heaven . “ So fucking good , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i continue to drive [my]0-i tongue over [her]168-lia clit . [She]168-lia gets comfortable , and while [I]0-i play with [her]168-lia , [she]168-lia plays with [me]0-i , and it ’s so sexy . [I]0-i ’ve never done this with [anyone]2080-anyone before , and [I]0-i can honestly say [I]0-i ’m glad it ’s with [Lia]168-lia , because [she]168-lia ’s so damn perfect . Everything about this is . [She]168-lia brings [me]0-i in and out of [her]168-lia mouth while [she]168-lia plays with [my]0-i balls . Immediately , [my]0-i spine begins to tingle while [my]0-i orgasm builds . It ’s going to be quick . Really quick , so [I]0-i focus on making [her]168-lia come . [I]0-i harden [my]0-i tongue and make short , quick flicks against [her]168-lia clit , causing [her]168-lia to moan against [my]0-i cock . “ Jesus , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Do that again , and [I]168-lia ’m coming in [your]168-lia mouth . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia hums along [my]0-i cock , and [my]0-i toes curl while [my]0-i balls draw tight . Shit , [I]0-i need [her]168-lia to come . [I]0-i move [my]0-i tongue faster , but it ’s no match for what [she]168-lia ’s doing to [me]0-i , and [my]0-i mind can only focus on one thing , and that ’s the orgasm that ’s teetering . With one final squeeze of [my]0-i balls and a pull with [her]168-lia teeth , [my]0-i body stiffens . “ Fuck , [I]0-i ’m coming , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i pump up into [her]168-lia mouth , and [she]168-lia swallows against the head of [my]0-i cock . “ Uhhhh , fuck , ”[0-i] [I]0-i yell as pleasure rips through [me]0-i . [She]168-lia laps at [my]0-i cock once [my]0-i hips stop moving , and that ’s when [I]0-i realize that [she]168-lia has n’t come yet . So [I]0-i flip [her]168-lia off [me]0-i and onto [her]168-lia back . [She]168-lia looks up at [me]0-i , a devilish grin in [her]168-lia expression . [She]168-lia ’s so satisfied with [herself]168-lia that [I]0-i ca n’t even be mad about how [she]168-lia took over . “ [You]168-lia ’re in trouble , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i spread [her]168-lia legs . “ Why ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks , [her]168-lia smile stretching from ear to ear . “ Because . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i reach up and pinch [her]168-lia nipple , causing [her]168-lia to wince . “ That was supposed to be for [you]168-lia . [You]168-lia were n’t supposed to suck [me]0-i into that beautiful mouth of [yours]168-lia . ”[0-i] “ But [I]168-lia wanted to . ”[168-lia] [Her]168-lia satisfied eyes meet [mine]0-i . “ [I]168-lia wanted [your]0-i cock , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[168-lia] And [Jesus]90-jesus christ fuck . . . [I]0-i might just be hard again . * * * “ Here , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say to [Lia]168-lia , offering [her]168-lia one of [my]0-i shirts . “ Wear this tonight . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia takes the shirt with a Rubik ’s cube on the front and says , “ [You]0-i know , [I]168-lia could just walk back to [[my]168-lia place]473-my place and get clothes . ”[168-lia] [I]0-i help [her]168-lia put the shirt on over [her]168-lia naked body and say , “ [You]168-lia could , but that would require [you]168-lia to walk around naked in [a public place]3569-a public place , and that ’s not approved by [me]0-i . That would also mean [you]168-lia would have to leave , which is also not approved by [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [She]168-lia chuckles and presses [her]168-lia hand to [my]0-i chest . “ [No one]2095-no one told [me]168-lia [you]0-i ’re [the one in charge]3571-the one in charge . ”[168-lia] “ Well , [I]0-i am . ”[0-i] [I]0-i kiss the top of [her]168-lia head , so desperate to claim [her]168-lia mouth . “ Which also means , sorry , but [you]168-lia ’re sleeping here tonight . ”[0-i] “ And why is that ? ”[168-lia] [Her]168-lia hands fall to [my]0-i waist , and even though [I]0-i just made [her]168-lia come a few minutes ago , [I]0-i have this needy urge to do it all over again . “ Because [I]0-i ’ve let [you]168-lia sleep at [[your]168-lia place]2284-your place the last two nights , and it ’s about time [you]168-lia spent the night here so [I]0-i can wake up next to [you]168-lia first thing in the morning . ”[0-i] “ [I]168-lia thought [I]168-lia was [a pillow hog]3573-a pillow hog ? ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia asks as [her]168-lia hands smooth up [my]0-i chest . “ [You]168-lia are , but it ’s something [I]168-lia can look past . ”[168-lia] “ Wow , [you]168-lia ’re [a real hero]3574-a real hero . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia chuckles and then pulls [me]0-i into a hug . [I]0-i smooth [my]0-i hand over the back of [her]168-lia head . “ Everything okay ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [She]168-lia nods against [my]0-i chest but does n’t pull away . “ [You]0-i sure ? [You]0-i just went really quiet on [me]168-lia . ”[168-lia] “ [I]0-i ’m sure . Just thinking . ”[0-i] “ Tell [me]0-i what [you]168-lia ’re thinking about , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i run [my]0-i hand down [her]168-lia back and then back up . “ Just how crazy this is . ”[0-i] [She]168-lia glances up at [me]0-i . “ [I]168-lia never would have expected to be in this position with [you]0-i or in that position [we]1728-we were in a few moments ago . [I]168-lia suppose [I]168-lia ’m still trying to grasp it all . ”[168-lia] “ [You]168-lia seem open to it , though . ”[0-i] “ [I]168-lia am . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia now pulls away enough so [we]1728-we ’re looking at [each other]288-each other . “ [I]168-lia like [you]0-i , [Breaker]68-breaker , a lot . And [I]168-lia seem to have this full - blown attraction for [you]0-i that [I]168-lia never knew [I]168-lia had . And when [you]0-i ’re touching [me]168-lia , commanding [me]168-lia , it makes [me]168-lia feel safe , protected , like [I]168-lia ’m . . . [home]373-home . [I]168-lia just do n’t want anything to mess that up , [you]0-i know ? ”[168-lia] “ [I]0-i understand . ”[0-i] [I]0-i slip [my]0-i finger under [her]1730-she chin and say , “ [I]0-i promise , [I]0-i will do everything in [my]0-i goddamn power to make sure nothing is messed up . Got it ? ”[0-i] [She]1730-she nods . “ Yes . ”[1730-she] “ [You]0-i trust [me]1730-she ? ”[1730-she] “ [You]0-i ’re [the person [I]1730-she trust the most]3576-the person i trust the most , ”[1730-she] [she]1730-she answers . “ Good . ”[1730-she] [I]0-i pull [her]1730-she into a hug again . “ Then [I]0-i need to ask [you]1730-she something . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[1730-she] [she]1730-she asks . [I]0-i lead [her]1730-she to the edge of [my]0-i bed , and [we]1731-we both sit . “ [You]0-i ’re making [me]1730-she nervous , ”[1730-she] [she]1730-she says as [I]0-i take [her]1730-she hands in [mine]0-i . “ Do n’t be nervous . [I]1730-she just have a question to ask [you]1730-she . ”[1730-she] With a smile , [I]0-i say , “ Will [you]1730-she go on a date with [me]0-i tomorrow ? ”[0-i] “ Stop . . . that is not [your]1730-she question . ”[0-i] “ It is , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ [I]0-i ’m serious , [Lia]168-lia . [I]0-i want to date [you]168-lia , and now that [I]0-i know [you]168-lia ’re open to it , [I]0-i want to make it official . ”[0-i] “ Really ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod , and [she]1730-she glances away . “ What ’s wrong ? ”[1730-she] Something is clearly on [her]1730-she mind . “ Is that not something [you]168-lia want ? Did [I]1730-she read [you]168-lia all wrong ? ”[1730-she] [She]1730-she shakes [her]1730-she head . “ No , not at all . [You]0-i did n’t read [me]1730-she wrong . It ’s just that . . . this is all so sudden . [I]1730-she just broke things off with [Brian]100-brian and canceled the wedding . If [I]1730-she started dating [you]168-lia , do n’t [you]168-lia think that would , [I]1730-she do n’t know . . . look bad ? ”[1730-she] “ To whom ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]0-i do n’t know . . . just [people]2122-people . ”[0-i] [I]0-i slowly nod . “ And who are [these people [you]168-lia talk about]3578-these people you talk about ? ”[0-i] “ Stop . ”[1730-she] [She]1730-she chuckles . “ [You]0-i know what [I]1730-she mean . ”[1730-she] “ [I]0-i do , but [I]0-i ’m wondering when [you]168-lia started caring about what [other people]233-other people think ? Because as long as [I]0-i ’ve known [you]168-lia , [you]168-lia really have n’t cared at all . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i ’re right . [I]0-i have n’t . [I]0-i guess [I]0-i just still have that fear . ”[0-i] “ Well , if [you]168-lia ’re not ready , [I]0-i ’ll wait . [I]0-i can wait for as long as [you]168-lia want [me]0-i to wait , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [I]0-i ’m not going anywhere , [Lia]168-lia . If [you]168-lia want [me]0-i to slow down , [I]0-i ’ll slow down . If [you]168-lia want [me]0-i to give [you]168-lia some space to think about things , [I]0-i will do that too because [I]0-i want [you]168-lia in this just as much as [I]0-i am . ”[0-i] [She]1732-you bites [her]1732-you bottom lip and says , “ [I]1732-you want this too , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[1732-you] [She]1732-you groans and then flops back on the bed while covering [her]1732-you eyes with [her]1732-you hands . “ God , [I]0-i ’m so annoying . ”[0-i] [I]0-i laugh and lie down next to [her]1732-you while settling [my]0-i hand on [her]1732-you stomach . “ Why do [you]1732-you say that ? ”[0-i] “ Does n’t it seem obvious ? That [I]0-i should just be with [you]1732-you and not have any reservations holding [me]0-i back ? [You]168-lia ’re the clear choice , yet [I]0-i ’m so scared to take that step toward dating , because that would mean . . . that would mean [our]3580-we friendship is over . ”[0-i] “ Uh . . . excuse [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ What do [you]1732-you mean [our]3580-we friendship is over ? ”[0-i] “ If [we]3580-we take that first step toward dating , Breaker , then this could end in two vastly different ways . [We]3580-we are together forever , which just seems crazy to even think about . Or [we]3580-we break up , and [I]0-i doubt [we]3580-we can be [friends]2146-friends after breaking up . ”[0-i] [I]0-i scratch [my]0-i cheek . “ Why does being together forever seem crazy to [you]1732-you ? ”[0-i] “ Well , do [you]1732-you even want to get married one day ? Ever since [I]0-i ’ve known [you]1732-you , [you]1732-you have n’t had [a serious girlfriend]2831-a serious girlfriend , so is that something [you]1732-you want ? Does n’t getting involved with [me]0-i freak [you]1732-you out at all ? ”[0-i] “ Not in the slightest , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ And [I]0-i think it ’s because in [my]0-i mind , [I]0-i ’ve always been with [you]1733-you . [You]1733-you ’ve always been [mine]0-i . ”[0-i] “ That ’s annoyingly sweet . ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle and then cup [her]1733-you face . “ [You]1732-you said [you]1732-you trust [me]0-i , right ? ”[0-i] “ Yes . ”[0-i] “ Then let [me]1733-you lead the way , okay ? Can [you]1733-you do that ? [I]1733-you promise [I]1733-you wo n’t push too hard . ”[1733-you] [She]1733-you swallows and nods . “ Okay , yeah , [I]1733-you can do that . ”[1733-you] “ [Good girl]3472-good girl . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk and then say , “ Now , if [you]1733-you want to go back to [[your]1733-you place]2284-your place and sleep , [you]1733-you are more than welcome to . Just borrow some pants of [mine]1733-you first . If [you]1733-you want to stay here , that ’s good too . But the choice is [yours]1733-you . ”[0-i] “ [I]1733-you want to stay here , ”[1733-you] [she]1733-you says , [her]1733-you eyes on [mine]0-i . “ Then let ’s get ready for bed because [I]1733-you ’m exhausted . ”[1733-you] [I]0-i lift from the bed and pull [her]1733-you up as well . After taking turns going to [the bathroom]621-the bathroom and brushing [our]1735-our teeth , [I]0-i walk [her]1733-you to [her]1733-you side of the bed , pull down the covers , and help [her]1733-you in . Once everything ’s locked up and [my]0-i phone is charging , [I]0-i slip in behind [her]1733-you , the cool sheets a stark contrast to [her]1733-you heated body . [I]0-i slip [my]0-i arm around [her]1733-you waist and pull [her]1733-you into [my]0-i chest . “ [You]1733-you good ? ”[0-i] “ Very , ”[1733-you] [she]1733-you says . “ This is [my]1733-you favorite way to sleep . Ever . ”[1733-you] [I]0-i lay a kiss on [her]1733-you neck . “ [Mine]1733-you too . ”[0-i] “ Breaker ? ”[1733-you] [she]1733-you asks after a light pause . “ Hmm ? ”[1733-you] “ Tomorrow . . . is that date still an option ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile against [her]1733-you silky hair . “ It is . ”[0-i] “ Okay . [I]1733-you think [I]1733-you want to go on it . ”[1733-you] “ [You]1733-you think , or [you]1733-you know ? ”[1733-you] “ [I]0-i know , but can it not be some awkward date where [you]1733-you wear a suit and [I]0-i get dressed up ? That ’s not really [us]3585-us . ”[0-i] “ Trust [me]1733-you , [I]1733-you know . [I]1733-you have something entirely different planned . Something [I]1733-you ’ve been thinking about for a while . ”[1733-you] “ Really ? What is it ? ”[1733-you] “ It ’s a surprise . ”[0-i] [I]0-i slip [my]0-i hand under [her]1733-you shirt . “ Now go to sleep . ”[0-i] “ [You]1733-you ’re just going to leave [me]1733-you hanging like that ? ”[1733-you] “ Yup . ”[0-i] [I]0-i kiss the top of [her]1733-you head . “ But block out [your]1733-you day tomorrow because [you]1733-you ’re [mine]1733-you . ”[0-i] “ The whole day ? ”[1733-you] [she]1733-you asks . “ Yes . The whole day . [I]1733-you might not make [you]1733-you dress fancy , but [I]1733-you ’m still going to make a lasting impression . Consider this [your]1733-you last first date ever . ”[1733-you] “ Awfully confident , do n’t [you]1733-you think ? ”[0-i] “ It ’s not confidence , [Ophelia]70-ophelia , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ It ’s facts . ”[0-i] Chapter Twenty LIA “ Is the blindfold really necessary ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [he]0-i stops at what feels like a stoplight . “ For the tenth time , yes . ”[0-i] “ And dressing [me]0-i [yourself]1733-you , was that necessary ? Or did [you]1733-you just do that so [you]1733-you could play with [my]0-i boobs ? ”[0-i] “ [Lia]168-lia , ”[0-i] [he]0-i says in a stern voice . “ [I]0-i do n’t need to blindfold [you]168-lia and say [I]0-i need to dress [you]168-lia to cop a feel . [I]0-i can do that any time [I]0-i want . ”[0-i] “ Oh ? And when exactly did [my]0-i body become [your]168-lia body ? ”[0-i] “ The moment [you]168-lia came on [my]0-i tongue , ”[0-i] [he]0-i answers as [his]0-i hand lands on [my]0-i thigh . “ Okay , well , that ’s an answer . ”[0-i] [He]0-i chuckles and says , “ [We]3586-we ’re almost there , just a bit longer . And [I]0-i have to say , [you]168-lia did an excellent job eating [your]168-lia donut this morning . [You]168-lia did n’t get any crumbs on [you]168-lia . ”[0-i] “ Not [my]0-i first time eating a donut . And it was a different experience , eating it blindfolded . ”[0-i] “ Ah , see , the day is already starting out to be a winning one . ”[0-i] [He]0-i stops [the car]316-the car and the window rolls down . “ Good morning , ”[0-i] [I]0-i hear [him]0-i say . “ Surprising [her]3587-her , not kidnapping . ”[0-i] That makes [me]0-i laugh . Whoever [he]0-i ’s talking to says , “ Enjoy , [Mr. Cane]136-mr. cane . ”[0-i] And then [Breaker]68-breaker pulls forward . “ [Mr. Cane]136-mr. cane ? Are [you]0-i flashing [your]0-i billionaire card today ? ”[68-breaker] “ Perhaps , ”[0-i] [he]0-i answers with a smile in [his]0-i voice . [He]0-i squeezes [my]0-i hand and pulls [the car]316-the car around until [he]0-i parks . “ Are [we]3588-we here ? ”[0-i] “ [We]3588-we are . ”[0-i] [He]0-i undoes [his]0-i seat belt and says , “ Stay here . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hear [him]0-i hop out of [the car]316-the car , and then within a few seconds , [he]0-i ’s opening [my]0-i car door as well . “ Am [I]0-i going to have to walk blindfolded ? ”[0-i] “ No , ”[0-i] [he]0-i answers as [he]0-i reaches behind [me]0-i and undoes the blindfold . It takes [my]0-i eyes a few seconds to adjust , but when they do , [I]0-i ’m met with [an underground parking lot]1739-an underground parking lot . “ Where are [we]3589-we ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask and then that ’s when [I]0-i see [his]0-i shirt . It ’s black and clings to every inch of [his]0-i muscular chest , but it ’s the picture of [Jack Skellington]124-old junky jack skellington on it as well as the saying , “ [Her]213-sally [Jack]124-old junky jack skellington ”[124-old junky jack skellington] that truly catches [my]0-i attention . [I]0-i glance down at [my]0-i shirt , and it ’s of [Sally]213-sally with “ [His]0-i Sally ”[213-sally] on it . “ Umm . . . are [we]3589-we at [Disneyland]43-disneyland ? ”[213-sally] [He]0-i tilts [my]0-i chin up , and [I]0-i come face to face with [his]0-i beautiful smile . “ [We]3589-we are . ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes well up , and [I]0-i lean against the passenger seat chair as [I]0-i say , “ [I]0-i ca n’t believe [you]0-i remembered . ”[0-i] [He]0-i takes [my]0-i hand in [his]0-i . “ Junior year in college , it was right after [you]0-i went on that date with [the squid eater]3590-the squid eater . Perhaps one of [your]0-i worst first dates ever . [You]0-i came back to [[my]0-i dorm]325-my dorm and bitched about how [guys]3592-guys are [such idiots]3247-such idiots , and [they]3592-guys do n’t know how to conduct a real first date . [I]0-i asked [you]0-i what would be [your]0-i perfect first date , and [you]0-i said [Disneyland]43-disneyland . [You]0-i would test [the guy]519-the guy to see if [he]519-the guy would wear matching shirts . If [he]519-the guy did , it was a check in the plus column . ”[0-i] [He]0-i gestures to [his]0-i shirt . “ Pretty sure [I]0-i ’m doing pretty well so far . ”[0-i] Oh [my]0-i God . Doing pretty well so far . . . [I]0-i ’m simply stunned . [I]0-i ’m also feeling so emotional because how did [he]0-i remember every detail of that conversation ? How ? A tear falls down [my]0-i cheek , and [he]0-i leans in and wipes it away . “ Why are [you]0-i crying ? ”[0-i] “ Because , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ This is . . . this is thoughtful . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn toward [him]0-i . “ [You]0-i ’re [the only person who has done something thoughtful like this for [me]0-i]3595-the only person who has done something thoughtful like this for me . Ever . ”[0-i] “ Because [you]0-i ’re so special to [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [His]0-i thumb caresses [my]0-i cheek . “ [I]0-i ’d move mountains for [you]0-i , [Lia]168-lia . ”[0-i] [He]0-i wipes [my]0-i tears again and then tugs on [my]0-i hand . “ Come on , no more crying . It ’s time to have fun . ”[0-i] [I]0-i let [him]0-i help [me]0-i out of [[his]0-i car]309-his car , and then as [we]1741-we walk and [he]0-i holds [my]0-i hand , [I]0-i lean into [his]0-i strong presence , into [this man who has always treated [me]0-i as if [I]0-i ’m [[his]0-i number one]1743-his number one . [The one who has remembered everything about [me]0-i — from the type of coffee [I]0-i love to [my]0-i idea of the perfect first date]1744-the one who has remembered everything about me — from the type of coffee i love to my idea of the perfect first date . [I]0-i never imagined [him]0-i like this , [the doting man]1745-the doting man , yet it seems to fit [him]0-i so perfectly . [He]0-i seems to fit [me]0-i perfectly . [I]0-i thought long and hard about why [he]0-i ’s pursuing [me]0-i]1742-this man who has always treated me as if i ’m his number one . the one who has remembered everything about me — from the type of coffee i love to my idea of the perfect first date . i never imagined him like this , the doting man , yet it seems to fit him so perfectly . he seems to fit me perfectly . i thought long and hard about why he ’s pursuing me . About [his]0-i point last night — why [he]0-i ’s never had [a long - term girlfriend]1746-a long - term girlfriend . “ [I]0-i think it ’s because in [my]0-i mind , [I]0-i ’ve always been with [you]0-i . [You]0-i ’ve always been [mine]0-i . ”[0-i] Those words , that declaration , floored [me]0-i . From the moment something flicked on for [Breaker]68-breaker , [he]0-i has treated [me]0-i as if [I]0-i ’m precious . Something [I]0-i ’ve never experienced . In fact , it ’s lightyears away from how [Brian]100-brian treated [me]0-i . [Breaker]68-breaker ’s treated [me]0-i the same way [I]0-i ’ve seen [Huxley]92-jp and [JP]92-jp treat [Lottie]96-lottie and [Kelsey]113-kelsey . And that has given [me]0-i more confidence to take this next step with [Breaker]68-breaker . Because [I]0-i believe [him]68-breaker . [I]0-i believe in [him]68-breaker . [He]68-breaker ’s not one to lie . [You]1747-you ’ve always been [mine]1748-mine . And if [I]0-i ’ve always been [his]68-breaker , it ’s starting to become clearer that [he]68-breaker ’s always been [mine]1748-mine too . Consider this [your]1747-you last first date ever . When [he]68-breaker said that last night , [I]0-i wanted to believe it . As [I]0-i cling to [him]68-breaker , walking past row after row of cars , [I]0-i believe it . [I]0-i can see it . [I]0-i can feel it . * * * “ [Breaker]68-breaker , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i hold [his]68-breaker hand tightly . “ [You]68-breaker got [us]1750-we the VIP package ? ”[0-i] “ More like the Breaker Cane package , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker whispers into [my]0-i ear . [The parking lot [we]1750-we parked in]1749-the parking lot we parked in was [some secret parking lot that lets [you]1747-you skip all the lines]1751-some secret parking lot that lets you skip all the lines . [We]1750-we went straight to [the VIP section]1752-the vip section where [we]1750-we were greeted with [Mickey]215-mickey ears , Nightmare Before Christmas themed , of course , and the cutest part of all of it is that [Breaker]68-breaker is wearing [his]68-breaker with no shame . Reminds [me]0-i of [the guy [I]0-i met back in college]3415-the guy i met back in college . Could n’t care less what [anyone]2080-anyone thinks about [him]68-breaker , does what [he]68-breaker likes , and does n’t think twice about it . “ [Mr. Cane]136-mr. cane , welcome to [Disneyland]43-disneyland . [I]68-breaker ’m [Jorge]216-jorge , [[your]136-mr. cane guide]3596-your guide for today . ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker lends out [his]68-breaker hand . “ [Jorge]216-jorge , it ’s a pleasure to meet [you]216-jorge . Please call [me]68-breaker [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] “ [My]216-jorge pleasure , ”[216-jorge] [Jorge]216-jorge says and then lends out [his]216-jorge hand . “ This must be [Miss Fairweather - Fern]145-miss fairweather - fern . ”[216-jorge] “ Please , call [me]0-i [Lia]168-lia , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i shake [his]216-jorge hand . “ [Miss Lia]168-lia , it ’s a pleasure . ”[0-i] Gripping an iPad to [his]216-jorge side , [he]216-jorge says , “ [I]216-jorge understand it ’s just [your]0-i small party today . [I]216-jorge received the planned schedule of events , and [I]216-jorge have [your]0-i reservations organized as well . It looks like [we]3597-we ’re going to have a great day . ”[216-jorge] “ [We]3597-we are , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says . “ Wonderful , and please , if [you]0-i want to stop for any food or need [me]68-breaker to pick up food for [you]0-i while [you]0-i ’re on a ride , [I]68-breaker ’d be more than happy to assist with that . [I]68-breaker ’m here to make [your]0-i experience unforgettable . ”[68-breaker] “ Thank [you]68-breaker , [Jorge]216-jorge , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says . “ Well , if [we]3597-we ’re ready , [I]68-breaker think the first thing on [our]3597-we schedule today is to ride the Matterhorn . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i glance up at [Breaker]68-breaker , who is smiling because [he]68-breaker knows — of course [he]68-breaker knows — [the Matterhorn]44-the matterhorn is [my]0-i favorite ride . [I]0-i love how old and janky it is . Being tossed around makes [me]0-i laugh more than the actual ride . “ Might as well start with a bang , right ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks . “ [You]68-breaker ’re spoiling [me]0-i today , are n’t [you]68-breaker ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [Jorge]216-jorge leads the way through [the park]1755-the park . “ [I]68-breaker am , but not to impress [you]68-breaker . [I]68-breaker do n’t feel like [I]68-breaker need to at this point . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker brings [our]1756-our connected hands to [his]68-breaker lips as [he]68-breaker says , “ [I]68-breaker ’m spoiling [you]0-i because [I]68-breaker want to , because [I]68-breaker get to , and because [you]0-i deserve nothing but the best , [Lia]168-lia . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker presses a gentle kiss to [my]0-i knuckles . [I]0-i do n’t know how this happened , how [I]0-i became so lucky to be with [this man]1757-this man , but somehow , the universe has made it happen — maybe it was with the help of [[my]0-i parents]2089-my parents who always loved [Breaker]68-breaker , who always expected [us]1756-our to end up together . Maybe [they]2089-my parents had a little part in putting [us]1756-our together . “ [You]68-breaker deserve so much too , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say to [Breaker]68-breaker , who just shakes [his]68-breaker head . “ [I]68-breaker have all [I]68-breaker need , [Lia]168-lia , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker answers , looking [me]0-i in the eyes . * * * “ [You]0-i ready for this ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker whispers into [my]0-i ear as the bar to [[our]1756-our Peter Pan ship]1759-our peter pan ship falls over [our]1756-our legs . “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [we]1756-our take off into the darkness of [the ride]1760-the ride . “ Good , now pull down [your]68-breaker shorts . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask on a laugh , and then [I]0-i turn toward [him]68-breaker . “ It ’s a two - minute ride , [Lia]168-lia . If [I]0-i ca n’t get [you]168-lia off in two minutes , then [I]0-i do n’t know what [I]0-i ’m doing as [a man]2121-a man . ”[0-i] “ Stop . ”[0-i] [I]0-i push at [his]68-breaker chest . “ [You]68-breaker ’re not getting [me]218-whispering off on [Peter Pan]217-peter pan . ”[218-whispering] [Whispering]218-whispering , [I]0-i add , “ [Children]671-children ride these rides . ”[0-i] “ But it ’s [the Peter Pan Challenge]3600-the peter pan challenge . ”[0-i] “ Says who ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [Says the behind - the - scenes sex enthusiasts]3601-says the behind - the - scenes sex enthusiasts . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , well [you]0-i can contact [[your]0-i sex enthusiasts]3602-your sex enthusiasts and tell [them]3602-your sex enthusiasts [they]3602-your sex enthusiasts ’re [freaks]3603-freaks . [Disney]45-disney is sacred ! ”[0-i] “ Sooo . . . is that going to be a no ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle and shake [my]0-i head . “ That ’s a hard no . [[My]0-i God]3604-my god , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[0-i] [He]1761-he laughs and then loops [his]1761-he arm around [me]0-i . “ [You]0-i know , [I]1761-he was only kidding . ”[1761-he] “ For some reason , [I]1762-we do n’t believe that . ”[1762-we] [[Our]1762-we ship]1763-our ship flies through [London]46-london and off to [Neverland]47-neverland , [the enchanting children]1764-the enchanting children ’s ride also one of [my]0-i favorites . So far , [we]1762-we ’ve made [our]1762-we way through [all of [Fantasyland]48-fantasyland]1765-all of fantasyland , this being [our]1762-we last ride , and then [we]1762-we ’re heading to [Star Wars]49-star wars : [Galaxy Edge]50-galaxy edge next . [We]1762-we have n’t had to wait in line , and when [we]1762-we got off [Snow White]219-snow white ’s Enchanted Wish , [Jorge]216-jorge had waters and cream cheese - stuffed pretzels for [us]1762-we . [We]1762-we found a place to sit , and [I]0-i devoured [my]0-i pretzel . Of course [we]1762-we shared with [Jorge]216-jorge , who was more than gracious about it . [We]1762-we stopped to take pictures in front of [the castle]1766-the castle as well as in front of [the Matterhorn]44-the matterhorn , and [we]1762-we even went into [a gift shop where [Breaker]68-breaker]1767-a gift shop where breaker bought [us]1762-we matching Disneyland shirts with the year on them . Classic souvenir . Lucky for [us]1762-we , [Jorge]216-jorge has been carrying [our]1762-we bag . It ’s been so magical . “ Thank [you]216-jorge , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say to [him]216-jorge . “ This has really been such a perfect day . The perfect first date . ”[0-i] “ It ’s not over yet , ”[216-jorge] [he]216-jorge says . “ [We]1762-we still have to hit up [California]18-california Adventure after this . ”[216-jorge] “ [We]1762-we ’re going to [California Adventure]51-california adventure ? ”[0-i] “ Uh , yeah , it ’s going to be a whole day . ”[0-i] “ Are [we]1762-we ending with fireworks ? ”[216-jorge] “ What do [you]0-i think ? ”[216-jorge] [he]216-jorge asks with a smirk . “ Wow , [Breaker]68-breaker . [You]0-i know . . . if [you]0-i wanted a blow job that bad , [you]0-i could have just asked for one . [You]0-i did n’t have to go through all of this . ”[216-jorge] [He]216-jorge chuckles . “ Oh , [I]216-jorge know , [Lia]168-lia . ”[216-jorge] [His]216-jorge lips right next to [my]0-i ear . “ Trust [me]216-jorge , [I]216-jorge know how much [you]0-i want [my]216-jorge cock . ”[216-jorge] [My]0-i cheeks heat , and [I]0-i ’m glad [we]1768-we ’re in [a dark room]1769-a dark room , or else [people]2122-people would be able to read the expression and desire [I]0-i have for [this man]1757-this man all over [my]0-i face . * * * “ [I]68-breaker truly think [I]68-breaker got a hard - on while riding Rise of the Resistance , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says as [we]1768-we sit at [our]1768-we reserved seat in [Docking Bay 7]52-docking bay 7 . “ Like actual chills . ”[68-breaker] “ Same , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Although [I]0-i ca n’t speak on the erection that [you]68-breaker ’re talking about . [I]0-i did get chills . That has to be one of the most immersive experiences [I]0-i ’ve ever been a part of . And the way [the cast members]3605-the cast members yell at [you]68-breaker . [I]0-i truly felt like [I]0-i was [a prisoner]3606-a prisoner . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , [we]1768-we ’re doing that again . ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker leans back in the small circular booth [we]1768-we have to [ourselves]1768-we . “ Makes [me]68-breaker want to get out [my]68-breaker Chewbacca costume and start running around [the apartment]809-the apartment . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]68-breaker still have that ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Yeah , and [I]0-i still have [your]68-breaker Leia costume , which . . . [I]0-i think [we]1768-we need to upgrade , [you]68-breaker know , since now [I]0-i get to see [you]68-breaker naked . [I]0-i think [I]0-i deserve [you]68-breaker in the gold bikini . ”[0-i] “ Oh [my]68-breaker God , seriously ? Are [you]1772-you going to be that cliché ? ”[68-breaker] “ Yeah , [you]1772-you have a problem with that ? ”[1772-you] [he]1772-you asks . [I]0-i smirk and lean into [him]1772-you . “ No , [I]0-i actually think it would be really hot . ”[0-i] “ Do n’t fucking tease [me]0-i , [Lia]168-lia . [You]168-lia know [I]0-i ’ll buy that bikini right now . ”[0-i] [I]0-i ’m about to tell [him]1772-you to do so when [Jorge]216-jorge delivers [our]1773-our food . [Breaker]68-breaker went with the smoked ribs , and [I]0-i was drawn toward the shrimp noodles . [He]1772-you also drops off some [Sprites]220-sprites and then says , “ [I]1772-you ’m going to take a break for a moment while [you]1773-our two eat . [You]0-i have [my]1772-you number if [you]0-i need anything . ”[1772-you] “ Thank [you]216-jorge , [Jorge]216-jorge , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says right before [he]1772-you takes off . “ This looks delicious , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [Breaker]68-breaker hands [me]0-i a fork . “ It does . ”[1772-you] [He]1772-you slips [his]1772-you arm around [my]0-i waist and pulls [me]0-i in closer before resting [his]1772-you hand on [my]0-i hip , keeping [me]0-i right next to [him]1772-you . As [we]1774-we dig into [our]1774-we lunch , [I]0-i ask [him]1772-you , “ Have [you]1772-you always been this possessive over [the women [you]1772-you ’re seeing]3608-the women you ’re seeing ? ”[0-i] “ Nope , ”[1772-you] [he]1772-you answers before swallowing [his]1772-you first bite . “ [You]0-i ’re [the only one]3609-the only one . ”[1772-you] “ Can [I]0-i ask why ? ”[0-i] “ Why ? Do [you]1772-you hate it ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ No , [I]0-i love it , but it ’s so different . [I]0-i have n’t ever met [a guy who has held [me]0-i like [you]0-i do . Or wanted to touch [me]0-i like [you]0-i]3610-a guy who has held me like you do . or wanted to touch me like you . And [I]0-i guess [I]0-i did n’t know how much [I]0-i liked it until [you]0-i came along . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , [I]1775-i did n’t know how much [I]1775-i needed it either until [I]1775-i touched [you]0-i . ”[1775-i] [He]1775-i smirks at [me]0-i and then shoves a forkful of [his]1775-i food in [his]1775-i mouth , looking all goofy and ridiculously cute . When [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head at [him]1775-i , [he]1775-i nudges [me]0-i and asks , “ What ? ”[1775-i] “ [You]0-i ’re just . . . God , [you]0-i ’re annoying with how hot [you]0-i are . [You]0-i can just smirk , and it makes [my]0-i stomach all twisted in knots . ”[0-i] “ [I]1775-i consider that a good thing . ”[1775-i] “ Of course [you]1775-i do because [you]1775-i think [you]1775-i have [me]1775-i wrapped around [your]1775-i pinky . ”[1775-i] “ Do n’t [I]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i fork a piece of shrimp and mutter , “ Unfortunately . ”[1775-i] [He]1775-i chuckles . “ Do n’t be upset about it or anything . ”[1775-i] “ [You]0-i ’re just charming and sweet and thoughtful , and ugh . . . it makes it hard to find fault in [you]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Are [you]0-i looking for faults ? ”[1775-i] [he]1775-i asks as [he]1775-i sips from [his]1775-i Sprite cup . “ Are n’t [we]3611-we always looking for faults ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i twirl noodles on [my]0-i fork . “ Without faults , [we]3611-we would n’t be human . ”[0-i] “ True , ”[1775-i] [he]1775-i answers . “ So if [you]0-i ’re looking for faults , [I]1775-i have something for [you]0-i to chew on . ”[1775-i] “ Oh yeah , is it a real thing ? ”[0-i] “ Very real . [I]1775-i think about this all the time and how [I]1775-i could have done better , ”[1775-i] [he]1775-i replies . “ Okay , let [me]1775-i hear it . ”[1775-i] [I]0-i take a bite from [my]0-i fork and listen intently . “ One of [my]0-i greatest faults would be not asking [you]0-i out on a date the first night [I]0-i met [you]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ Come on , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[0-i] “ [I]1775-i ’m serious , ”[1775-i] [he]1775-i says , and from the tone in [his]1775-i voice and the expression in [his]1775-i eyes , [I]0-i can truly tell [he]1775-i is . “ Ever since [I]1775-i got a taste of [you]0-i , [I]1775-i keep thinking about how [I]1775-i ’m such [an idiot]1009-an idiot for not asking [you]0-i out sooner , for not making a move earlier . [I]1775-i ca n’t believe [I]1775-i waited this long to hold [your]0-i hand , to have [you]0-i in [my]1775-i bed . It makes [me]1775-i feel like [a real fucking idiot]3613-a real fucking idiot . And all those years of not having [a girlfriend]2834-a girlfriend , it ’s because of [you]0-i . Because [I]1775-i had deep - rooted feelings for [you]0-i that [I]1775-i was n’t allowing [myself]1775-i to feel . So yeah , there ’s [my]1775-i fault , being [a legitimate idiot]3615-a legitimate idiot when it comes to how [I]1775-i feel about [you]0-i . ”[1775-i] “ Wow , okay , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , unsure of how to respond to that . “ [I]0-i do n’t know if [we]3616-we would have the same relationship that [we]3616-we do now . [I]0-i probably would n’t have been as open with [you]0-i about certain things if [I]0-i was looking for something romantic . When [you]0-i ’re just [friends]2146-friends , it ’s as if [you]0-i can drop all the walls and be [yourself]0-i , but when [you]0-i ’re trying to be romantic with [someone]2072-someone , [you]0-i almost put on this façade to show that [you]0-i ’re good enough to be with [that person]3619-that person . [I]0-i ’ve sort of felt that way recently with [you]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Why ? ”[1776-i] [he]1776-i asks , turning toward [me]0-i and abandoning [his]1776-i meal . “ It ’s nothing huge , just subtle things , but [I]1776-i ’ve had some self - conscious moments , and [I]1776-i just think it comes with the territory when [someone]2072-someone is more sexually experienced . [I]1776-i mean , this past week , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[1776-i] [My]0-i cheeks redden . “ [I]1776-i have never done half the things [we]3621-we ’ve done . [I]1776-i did n’t even know that kind of sexuality was in [me]1776-i . ”[1776-i] “ Do [you]0-i still feel that way ? ”[1776-i] [he]1776-i asks . “ Sometimes . [You]0-i ’re just . . . [I]1776-i do n’t know , it ’s stupid . ”[1776-i] [I]0-i adjust [my]0-i glasses on [my]0-i head and turn back to [my]0-i meal . “ [I]1776-i ’m just what ? ”[1776-i] [he]1776-i asks , tugging on [my]0-i hand . Knowing [he]1776-i ’s not going to let this go , [I]0-i say , “ [You]0-i ’re not [the same nerdy guy from college]3622-the same nerdy guy from college . Sure , if [I]0-i was able to look past the mustache back then and the floppy hair , [I]0-i probably would have been intimidated , but [I]0-i was n’t because [you]0-i were goofy , and [I]0-i loved that about [you]0-i . Now that [you]0-i ’re all grown up and . . . [you]0-i know . . . muscular , there ’s an intimidating factor to [your]0-i transformation . [I]0-i do n’t feel like [I]0-i ’m in [your]0-i league . ”[0-i] “ Jesus , [you]1777-i ca n’t be serious , [Lia]168-lia . ”[0-i] “ [I]1777-i know , [I]1777-i said it was stupid , but it ’s hard not to feel that way when [the guy who is . . . well]3623-the guy who is . . . well , whatever this is between [us]3624-us , when [he]3623-the guy who is . . . well ’s gorgeous , rich , and extremely well endowed with the kind of experience that would make [any woman]3625-any woman blush . [I]1777-i do n’t feel worthy . ”[1777-i] [He]1777-i forces [me]0-i to look at [him]1777-i by looping [his]1777-i finger under [my]0-i chin . “ [I]1777-i ca n’t tell [you]0-i how to feel , and those feelings are something [I]1777-i will help [you]0-i work through , but [I]1777-i want [you]0-i to know this right here and now . [I]1777-i ’m the one who feels lucky , okay ? [I]1777-i ’m [the one who feels like [they]3627-they ’re trying to dig [their]3627-they claws into [you]0-i so [you]0-i do n’t run away]3626-the one who feels like they ’re trying to dig their claws into you so you do n’t run away . That insecurity lives heavily in [my]1777-i heart as well . [I]1777-i fear [you]0-i ’ll wake up one day and realize that [you]0-i made a mistake , that [you]0-i miss [Brian]100-brian , that [you]0-i should never have called off the wedding . Or that maybe [I]1777-i ’m [the rebound guy]1511-the rebound guy , that [I]1777-i should n’t have made a move on [you]0-i so soon . ”[1777-i] “ [Breaker]68-breaker , [you]68-breaker know that ’s not the case . ”[1777-i] “ [I]1778-i want to believe that , but in [my]1778-i head , [I]1778-i know [I]1778-i did n’t go about this the right way . [I]1778-i did n’t pursue [you]0-i appropriately , normally . [I]1778-i should have eased more into the sexual aspect . ”[1778-i] “ Why did [you]1777-i jump in headfirst ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Because [I]0-i wanted to show [you]0-i that there was chemistry between [us]3629-us . [I]0-i did n’t want to give [you]0-i an inkling that there was n’t . And frankly , [I]0-i wanted [you]0-i . [I]0-i want [you]0-i . Badly , [Lia]168-lia . The moment [you]0-i put on that wedding dress , everything changed . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile softly . If [I]0-i think about [his]1778-i reaction when [he]1778-i saw [me]0-i in the wedding dress , [I]0-i ’ll get teary . [I]0-i was so emotional that day , and [Breaker]68-breaker ’s unconditional support was the only thing that held [me]0-i together . [I]0-i had never seen [his]1778-i face look so . . . adoring . Or perhaps wowed . “ [You]0-i look . . . fuck , [you]0-i look stunning , [Ophelia]70-ophelia . ”[1778-i] “ [I]68-breaker think everything changed in [me]68-breaker at that moment too . ”[68-breaker] * * * “ [I]68-breaker hate [you]0-i , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says . [He]68-breaker ’s leaning against a low fence , taking deep breaths while [I]0-i giggle next to [him]68-breaker , [Jorge]216-jorge taking in the scene as well and trying not to laugh . “ Why do [you]68-breaker hate [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [His]68-breaker eyes shoot to [me]0-i as [he]68-breaker says , “ [You]0-i know [I]68-breaker despise that godforsaken ride . It ’s death waiting to happen . ”[68-breaker] “ It ’s [a kid]3551-a kid ’s ride , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say about [[Goofy]221-goofy ’s Skycoaster]1779-goofy ’s skycoaster . “ That is not [a fucking kid]3631-a fucking kid ’s ride , that is . . . that is a nightmare . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker takes a deep breath , and [Jorge]216-jorge walks over to [him]68-breaker . “ Can [I]216-jorge get [you]68-breaker some water , [Breaker]68-breaker ? ”[216-jorge] “ Oh , [he]68-breaker ’s fine , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , but [Breaker]68-breaker tells [him]68-breaker differently . “ Water would be amazing . Thank [you]68-breaker so much , [Jorge]216-jorge . ”[68-breaker] “ Not a problem . Be right back . ”[216-jorge] Once [Jorge]216-jorge leaves , [Breaker]68-breaker stands straight and grabs [my]0-i wrist , pulling [me]0-i in close to [his]68-breaker chest . With a firm hold on [me]0-i , [he]68-breaker says , “ [You]0-i ’re going to pay for that later . ”[68-breaker] “ Why ? [I]68-breaker did n’t force [you]0-i to go on the ride . That was [your]0-i own choice . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i taunted [me]68-breaker and then pleaded . As if [I]68-breaker can fucking deny [you]0-i anything . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker nods toward the ride behind [me]0-i with the sharp C curves that make [you]0-i feel like [you]0-i ’re going to fall right off [the track]1780-the track . “ [You]0-i knew [I]68-breaker hated that ride . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker would have been just fine riding that on [my]68-breaker own . ”[68-breaker] “ Bullshit . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker chuckles , [his]68-breaker chest rumbling against [mine]0-i . “ Jesus , [you]0-i ’re such [a liar]3632-a liar . Face the facts , [Lia]168-lia , [you]0-i ’re going to pay for that . ”[68-breaker] “ What are [you]68-breaker going to do ? Spank [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [His]68-breaker eyes darken as [his]68-breaker hands fall to [my]0-i lower back . “ Yeah , [I]68-breaker might just fucking spank [you]168-lia . [I]68-breaker ’ll spank [you]168-lia so hard that [your]168-lia pussy is drenched , begging for [my]68-breaker dick , and then . . . [I]68-breaker ’ll leave [you]168-lia completely unsatisfied . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i swallow hard . “ [You]168-lia . . . [you]168-lia would n’t . ”[68-breaker] “ And then , when [you]168-lia ’re lying there , restless , [your]168-lia cunt throbbing for release , [I]199-god ’ll make [myself]199-god come all over [your]168-lia beautiful sloped back just to remind [you]168-lia who owns [you]168-lia . ”[199-god] Well , good [God]199-god . “ Here [you]68-breaker go , [Breaker]68-breaker , ”[216-jorge] [Jorge]216-jorge says , coming up to [us]1781-us . And as if [someone]2072-someone turned off a light switch in [him]216-jorge , [Breaker]68-breaker goes from [dominating alpha to cheery park guest]1783-dominating alpha to cheery park guest . “ Thank [you]216-jorge so much , [Jorge]216-jorge . ”[216-jorge] [He]216-jorge shakes [his]216-jorge head . “ [That Goofy Coaster]3633-that goofy coaster gets [me]216-jorge every time . ”[216-jorge] “ [Me]216-jorge too . [[My]216-jorge niece]3634-my niece loves it , and whenever [I]216-jorge bring [her]3634-my niece [here]249-here , it ’s a requirement . [I]216-jorge think [she]3634-my niece ’s testing [my]216-jorge love every time [she]3634-my niece makes [me]216-jorge go on it . ”[216-jorge] “ [I]216-jorge think [Lia]168-lia is doing the same . . . testing [my]216-jorge love . ”[216-jorge] And with one wink , [my]0-i stomach bottoms out . That wink , and [his]216-jorge use of the word love , it just about makes [me]0-i throw [my]0-i arms around [his]216-jorge neck and kiss [him]216-jorge . And . . . why has n’t [he]216-jorge kissed [me]0-i yet ? For a moment , at lunch , [I]0-i thought it was going to happen . Or earlier , when [we]1784-we were on [the Ferris wheel]1785-the ferris wheel , just enjoying the view while [I]0-i sat on [his]216-jorge lap , [I]0-i thought that maybe it would happen then , but it did n’t . If [he]216-jorge was n’t already intimately involved , [I]0-i would have suspected that it would never happen . Or even last night , that would have been the perfect moment , after [we]1784-we were done being all . . . carnal , when [I]0-i rested in [his]216-jorge arms , that would have been perfect . So [I]0-i do n’t understand the wait . “ [You]68-breaker ready for the next ride ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker asks . “ [I]68-breaker think [we]1784-we ’re headed over to [The Little Mermaid]53-the little mermaid , right ? ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i smile up at [him]216-jorge . “ Yup , [I]0-i believe [we]1784-we are . ”[0-i] And then hand in hand , [we]1784-we move on . * * * “ Right this way , ”[216-jorge] [Jorge]216-jorge says as [he]216-jorge lifts a red velvet rope blocking a bench from [the public]2185-the public . After a few more rides , [we]1784-we were taken back to [The Office]2191-the office , [a secret restaurant in [California]18-california Adventure with a beautiful view of [the pier]1789-the pier]1788-a secret restaurant in california adventure with a beautiful view of the pier . It ’s where [we]1784-we were served some of the best lobster [I]0-i ’ve ever had . And [the room]250-the room was so cute . [We]1784-we had to walk through [a vault]1791-a vault to get into [it]250-the room , and then [it]250-the room was covered in cartoon pictures of [animators]1792-animators . Of course , [Breaker]68-breaker had to sit right next to [me]0-i in the booth where [he]68-breaker could always keep a hand on [me]0-i and occasionally feed [me]0-i food with [his]68-breaker fork . [I]0-i loved every second of it . After that , [we]1784-we headed back to [Disneyland]43-disneyland , where [we]1784-we rode [Indiana Jones]222-indiana jones one more time and then proceeded to pick up desserts from [the Candy Palace]1793-the candy palace . [I]0-i got a Rice Krispie treat , and [Breaker]68-breaker got caramel popcorn . [We]1784-we took [the train]1794-the train around [the park]1755-the park while [we]1784-we ate [our]1784-we desserts , and [Breaker]68-breaker even got a cookie for [Jorge]216-jorge . And then after one more ride of [Space Mountain]54-space mountain , where [Breaker]68-breaker held [my]0-i hand the whole time , laughing , [Jorge]216-jorge took [us]1784-we to [our]1784-we roped - off bench that looked over [the castle]1766-the castle . “ Fireworks should be starting shortly . Can [I]216-jorge get [you]0-i anything else ? ”[216-jorge] [Jorge]216-jorge asks . “ No , thank [you]0-i , [I]216-jorge think [we]1784-we can take it from here . ”[216-jorge] [Jorge]216-jorge nods . “ And [you]68-breaker have [your]68-breaker pass to get back to [[your]68-breaker parking lot]3636-your parking lot ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker nods . “ Yup . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker then reaches into [his]68-breaker pocket and slips something into [Jorge]216-jorge ’s hand . “ Thank [you]0-i so much for everything . [You]0-i have been fantastic . ”[68-breaker] “ Of course . Thank [you]0-i , [Breaker]68-breaker . [Miss Lia]168-lia , it was a joy meeting [you]0-i . Before [I]68-breaker leave , can [I]68-breaker offer to take one more pic of [you]0-i two ? ”[68-breaker] “ Nah , [I]68-breaker think [we]1797-us ’re good . Thank [you]0-i , though . ”[68-breaker] And with another goodbye , [Jorge]216-jorge takes off , leaving [us]1797-us alone . “ What did [you]68-breaker slip into [his]216-jorge hand ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ One thousand dollars , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker answers casually . “ One thousand dollars ? Oh [my]68-breaker God , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker chuckles . “ What ? [He]216-jorge did a good job . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i probably just made [his]216-jorge day . ”[68-breaker] “ Yeah , well , it ’s the least [I]68-breaker can do after [he]216-jorge made this day so special for [[us]1797-us both]2280-us both . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker drapes [his]68-breaker arm over the back of the bench and snuggles [me]0-i in close . “ Did [you]0-i have a good time ? ”[68-breaker] “ [I]0-i had the best time , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i lean into [his]68-breaker hold . “ This was the kind of day [you]0-i always dream of , but it never really comes to life . ”[0-i] “ Well , it ’s real . All of this is real , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says . “ Hard to believe . ”[68-breaker] [People]2122-people scavenge for spots in front of [the castle]1766-the castle , [strollers]1800-strollers bumping into [sidewalks]1801-sidewalks , [crying children tired from the events of the day]1802-crying children tired from the events of the day , and a lot of [tired people vying for a spot to sit down]1803-tired people vying for a spot to sit down . Weirdly , it adds to the magic . [I]0-i turn toward [him]68-breaker and rest [my]0-i hand on [his]68-breaker thigh as [I]0-i say , “ Thank [you]68-breaker for today . ”[0-i] “ [You]68-breaker ’re welcome , [Lia]168-lia . [You]68-breaker know [I]0-i ’d do anything for [you]68-breaker , right ? ”[0-i] “ Yes , [I]0-i know . ”[0-i] “ So [you]68-breaker just name it , and it ’s [yours]68-breaker . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i think . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i move [my]0-i hand up to [his]68-breaker chest . “ [I]0-i know [I]0-i want something , but [I]0-i ’m nervous to say it . ”[0-i] [He]68-breaker turns toward [me]0-i more and asks , “ What is it ? ”[68-breaker] Just then , the show begins , and [the crowd]1804-the crowd hushes as music plays through the speakers placed throughout [the park]1755-the park . “ It can wait , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Uh , no , it ca n’t , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says . “ Just ask [me]68-breaker . ”[68-breaker] [I]0-i move [my]0-i hands to the hem of [his]68-breaker shirt , and [I]0-i twist it through [my]0-i hands as [I]0-i say , “ It ’s going to sound really stupid , but [I]0-i do n’t know . [I]0-i guess [I]0-i just want to make sure this is real . ”[0-i] “ What is it ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker asks . When [I]0-i glance up at [him]68-breaker , the first firework shoots up to the sky , lighting up the dark night . “ [I]68-breaker want to make sure that [we]3638-we ’re , [you]68-breaker know . . . actually dating . That [we]3638-we ’re exclusive , that . . . [I]68-breaker do n’t know , that [I]68-breaker ’m [[your]68-breaker girlfriend]3639-your girlfriend or something . ”[68-breaker] The smile that crosses [his]68-breaker face is the cutest thing [I]0-i ’ve ever seen . “ [You]68-breaker asking [me]68-breaker to be [[your]68-breaker boyfriend]3640-your boyfriend , [Lia]168-lia ? ”[68-breaker] “ [I]68-breaker mean , if [you]68-breaker want to put a label on it . [I]68-breaker just do n’t want this to be a flash - in - the - pan kind of thing . [You]68-breaker know ? Like . . . just sex and fun . [I]68-breaker do n’t want that . ”[68-breaker] [His]68-breaker face grows serious , and [he]68-breaker slips [his]68-breaker hand behind [my]0-i neck as [he]68-breaker says , “ [You]0-i would never be a fling to [me]68-breaker , [Lia]168-lia . Ever . What [we]3641-we have , it ’s serious , and [I]68-breaker wo n’t treat it any other way . ”[68-breaker] “ Okay , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i glance away , gaining the courage to say what [I]0-i want to say next . When [my]0-i eyes fall back on [his]68-breaker , [I]0-i say , “ Then if that ’s the case , kiss [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [His]68-breaker hand grows tight at the nape of [my]0-i neck , pulling [me]0-i toward [him]68-breaker . [I]0-i have never seen such a determined yet adoring look on [his]68-breaker face before . [I]0-i feel so . . . loved . [My]0-i breath catches in [my]0-i chest . [I]0-i wet [my]0-i lips right before [he]68-breaker brings [me]0-i in the last few inches , and [his]68-breaker mouth lands on [mine]0-i . [I]0-i can feel [my]0-i eyes roll in the back of [my]0-i head as [his]68-breaker soft lips capture [mine]0-i . Soft . Demanding . Absolute perfection . It ’s the most intense , satisfying , and thrilling moment of [my]0-i life — kissing [Breaker]68-breaker , kissing [[my]0-i best friend]2156-my best friend , feeling the electricity bounce between [us]1807-us as [our]1807-us mouths collide . With fireworks exploding above [us]1807-us , [his]68-breaker lips mold around [mine]0-i , [his]68-breaker other hand tilting [my]0-i face ever so slightly , controlling the moment . And [I]0-i let [him]68-breaker , because [I]0-i ca n’t do anything else other than fall into [this man]1757-this man ’s grasp as [his]68-breaker open mouth works over [mine]0-i . Pressing . Taking . Tense . When [his]68-breaker mouth parts , [I]0-i part [mine]0-i . When [he]68-breaker turns to the right , [I]0-i turn to the left . When [his]68-breaker grip grows tighter , so does [mine]0-i . And when [his]68-breaker tongue presses against [mine]0-i , [I]0-i moan and swipe [my]0-i tongue against [his]68-breaker . [He]68-breaker ’s so delicious . [I]0-i tangle [my]0-i tongue with [his]68-breaker , [my]0-i hand growing tight around [his]68-breaker shirt , needing [him]68-breaker closer , needing more , and when [I]0-i slip [my]0-i hand under [his]68-breaker shirt , [he]68-breaker pulls away , stunning [me]0-i . [I]0-i blink a few times just as huge fireworks burst above [us]1809-us . Catching [his]68-breaker breath , [he]68-breaker stares at [me]0-i for a few moments and then says , “ [I]68-breaker , uh . . . [I]68-breaker do n’t want to give [the kids]3642-the kids a different show . ”[68-breaker] And [I]0-i ’m brought back to reality . [We]1809-us ’re still in [Disneyland]43-disneyland . Surrounded by [children]671-children . “ Oh God . ”[0-i] [I]0-i press [my]0-i hand to [my]0-i chest . “ [I]0-i ’m sorry , [I]0-i just . . . [I]0-i guess [I]0-i got carried away . ”[0-i] “ That ’s okay , so did [I.]68-breaker ”[68-breaker] A boyish grin spreads across [his]68-breaker face . “ [You]68-breaker ’re [a really good fucking kisser]3643-a really good fucking kisser . ”[68-breaker] [My]0-i cheeks heat as [I]0-i say , “ [I]0-i was going to say the same about [you]68-breaker . ”[0-i] [He]68-breaker pulls on the small strands of [his]68-breaker hair as [he]68-breaker says , “ Just another regret of [mine]68-breaker . [We]1811-we could have started doing that a long time ago . ”[68-breaker] “ Looks like [we]1811-we have some time to make up for . ”[68-breaker] “ [We]1811-we do , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker grips [my]0-i chin and places one more kiss on [my]0-i lips . Even though it ’s a light , featherlike kiss , it packs a powerful punch because it was willing and a way to express [his]68-breaker desire for [me]0-i . It makes [my]0-i stomach flutter . It ’s confirmation that [we]1811-we are doing this . . . [we]1811-we are becoming an [us]1811-we . And [I]0-i shiver as [I]0-i hear [[my]0-i mom]2233-my mom ’s sweet voice saying , “ About time , [sweet cheeks]3644-sweet cheeks . About time . ”[2233-my mom] Chapter Twenty - One [BREAKER Hands]68-breaker gripping the bathroom counter , [I]0-i stare into the mirror and take a few deep breaths . [I]0-i love [her]1813-her . [I]0-i ’m in love with [her]1813-her . [I]0-i want nothing but [her]1813-her . That fucking kiss nearly knocked [my]0-i socks off . [I]0-i ’ve never experienced anything like it . Like the moment [our]1811-we lips met , an electrical charge shot through [me]0-i , rebooting [me]0-i to be [a different man]1814-a different man . [I]0-i feel the need to always have [her]1813-her at [my]0-i side . [I]0-i feel the need to compulsively touch [her]1813-her . [I]0-i feel the need to strip [her]1813-her down and make love to [her]1813-her . [I]0-i want [her]1813-her to know that [I]0-i ’m [hers]1813-her , forever . That [I]0-i do n’t want [anyone else]2400-anyone else but [her]1813-her . But [I]0-i also need to take this one stride at a time . [I]0-i do n’t want to scare [her]1813-her away . One goddamn step at a time , [man]2061-man . [I]0-i push off the counter and grab [my]0-i toothbrush and line it with toothpaste . After the fireworks , [we]1817-we walked back to [the car]316-the car hand in hand . On the drive [home]373-home , [I]0-i rested [my]0-i hand on [her]1813-her thigh , and [she]1813-her placed [her]1813-her hand on top of [mine]0-i . [We]1817-we talked about a new board game coming out that [we]1817-we wanted to play while reminiscing about the time [we]1817-we went to [Disney]45-disney when [we]1817-we were in college . It was a total disaster since [we]1817-we went during a peak time and were able to ride three rides total . Brutal . When [we]1817-we got back [home]373-home , [I]0-i walked [her]1813-her to [[her]1813-her apartment]323-her apartment and lightly kissed [her]1813-her goodnight , reveling in the way [her]1813-her lips felt on [mine]0-i and how [I]0-i desperately wanted to invite [her]1813-her back to [[my]0-i place]473-my place . But [I]0-i said [my]0-i goodnight and came back [here]249-here to take a shower . Hair still damp , with a towel wrapped around [my]0-i waist , [I]0-i brush [my]0-i teeth just as [I]0-i hear [my]0-i front door shut . “ [Lia]168-lia ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i call out , [my]0-i mouth foamy . “ Yeah , it ’s [me]1813-her , ”[1813-her] [she]1813-her says as [I]0-i hear [her]1813-her approach . [I]0-i finish up brushing quickly , rinse [my]0-i mouth , and head out to [[my]0-i bedroom]496-my bedroom where [I]0-i find [her]1813-her standing in the middle of [the room]250-the room , wearing a silk robe , [her]1813-her hair damp as well . “ Everything okay ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [Her]1813-her eyes fall to [my]0-i chest and then to [my]0-i towel before climbing back up to [my]0-i eyes . [She]1813-her shakes [her]1813-her head just as [she]1813-her undoes [her]1813-her robe and lets it fall to the ground , revealing [her]1813-her purple lingerie set . A silky - looking tank top with matching lace underwear . “ [I]1813-her do n’t want to be alone , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[1813-her] [She]1813-her walks up to [me]0-i and lightly brings [her]1813-her hands to [my]0-i abs , where [she]1813-her travels them down to [my]0-i towel . “ [I]1813-her do n’t want to sleep alone , and [I]1813-her do n’t want [our]3645-our night to end with a goodnight kiss at [my]1813-her door . ”[1813-her] “ No ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as a light sweat breaks out over [my]0-i skin . [She]1813-her shakes [her]1813-her head and undoes [my]0-i towel , causing it to fall to the floor . “ [You]0-i kissed [me]1813-her tonight , which means [I]1813-her want all of [you]0-i . Nothing else holding [us]3645-our back . [I]1813-her want everything . ”[1813-her] [My]0-i cock grows between [us]1826-us as [I]0-i reach up to [her]1813-her cheek and cup it . “ [You]1813-her know [I]1813-her want the same thing , right ? [I]1813-her just want to make sure [you]1813-her ’re ready . ”[1813-her] [She]1813-her grips [my]0-i hand and tugs [me]0-i toward the bed . “ [I]1813-her ’m more than ready . ”[1813-her] When the backs of [her]1813-her legs hit the edge , [I]0-i do n’t push [her]1813-her over . [I]0-i drag [her]1813-her tank up and over [her]1813-her head , then drop it . [I]0-i slide [my]0-i hands up [her]1813-her sides , cup [her]1813-her face , and then bring [her]1813-her lips to [mine]0-i , where [I]0-i kiss [her]1813-her all over again . This time , [I]0-i ’m not worried about [our]1827-our surroundings and allow [myself]0-i to get lost in the moment . In [her]1813-her . [Her]1813-her hands grip [my]0-i wrists , holding [her]1813-her in place as [our]1827-our mouths part together and [our]1827-our tongues collide . It ’s the sweetest , most delicious feeling , having [her]1813-her cling to [me]0-i like this , feeling how much [she]1813-her wants [me]0-i , just like [I]0-i want [her]1813-her . [Her]1813-her kisses are intense , gratifying , and ethereal at times . Like [I]0-i ’m holding the most precious thing in [the world]616-the world between [my]0-i hands . And [I]0-i believe that because [she]1813-her is . [She]1813-her ’s so fucking precious , and [I]0-i will never do anything to fuck this up . Never . [I]0-i know how long it took to get here with [her]1813-her , and [I]0-i will be damned if [I]0-i fuck it up . [I]0-i tip [her]1813-her back on the bed and reach for [her]1813-her thong , dragging it down [her]1813-her legs and tossing it to the side . [We]1829-we both climb to the head of the bed , and when [she]1813-her spreads [her]1813-her legs , [I]0-i settle on top of [her]1813-her , [my]0-i body fitting perfectly between [her]1813-her thighs . [I]0-i lightly stroke [her]1813-her wet hair as [I]0-i stare down at [her]1813-her . [Our]1829-we eyes connect , and for a moment , [I]0-i feel the words at the tip of [my]0-i tongue . [I]0-i love [you]1813-her , [Ophelia]70-ophelia . [I]0-i want to say them . [I]0-i want to shout them . [I]0-i want [her]1813-her to know exactly how happy [she]1813-her makes [me]0-i , how [I]0-i feel like [my]0-i cup is always full when [I]0-i ’m with [her]1813-her . Nothing could ever hurt [me]0-i because [I]0-i have [her]1813-her in [my]0-i arms . But [I]0-i swallow [my]0-i feelings and bring [my]0-i lips to [hers]1813-her where [we]1830-we make out , [her]1813-her hand driving through [my]0-i hair , [mine]0-i , slowly working down to [her]1813-her chest where [I]0-i lightly cup [her]1813-her breast . Nothing is rough about [my]0-i touch , nothing feral about it either . Because [I]0-i do n’t feel the need to drive into [her]1813-her . [I]0-i want to cherish this moment . [My]0-i mouth falls from [her]1813-her lips and trails along [her]1813-her jaw and down [her]1813-her neck . [She]1813-her clutches on to [me]0-i as [I]0-i reach [her]1813-her breast . [I]0-i lick around [her]1813-her nipple , circling it a few times before lightly pulling it into [my]0-i mouth . “ Yessss , ”[1813-her] [she]1813-her says as [she]1813-her plays with [my]0-i hair , something [I]0-i ’ve grown fond of . [I]0-i move to [her]1813-her other breast and play with [her]1813-her nipple before [I]0-i lick down [her]1813-her stomach and between [her]1813-her legs , where [she]1813-her spreads them for [me]0-i . The act of [her]1813-her making room for [me]0-i sends a bolt of lust through [my]0-i chest because [she]1813-her trusts [me]0-i . And [I]0-i want to keep that trust . [I]0-i press [my]0-i tongue along [her]1813-her slit and drag it up , slowly . “ God , [Breaker]68-breaker , ”[1813-her] [she]1813-her breathes out . “ [I]1813-her love [your]68-breaker mouth . ”[1813-her] [I]0-i swipe again . And again , each time , diving deeper and deeper until [I]0-i ’m pressing against [her]1813-her clit . [I]0-i want to bring [her]1813-her to the edge , to the point that [she]1813-her ’s going to come and then pull away , so [I]0-i continue to lap against [her]1813-her , loving the way [her]1813-her legs squeeze against [my]0-i shoulders and how [her]1813-her nails dig into [my]0-i hair and the way [her]1813-her chest rises and falls , twists , and turns with every stroke of [my]0-i tongue . [She]1813-her ’s so responsive , very much a partner in [our]1831-our pleasure , and [I]0-i love that about [her]1813-her . [I]0-i do n’t have to guess what [she]1813-her likes because [she]1813-her lets [me]0-i know . [Her]1813-her legs tremble against [my]0-i shoulders as they grow tighter and tighter . “ Yes . . . almost there , ”[1813-her] [she]1813-her says just as [I]0-i pull away . “ What ? ”[1813-her] [she]1813-her asks , the confused look on [her]1813-her face so cute that [I]0-i want to kiss it right off . “ [I]1813-her want [you]0-i to come on [my]1813-her cock . ”[1813-her] [Her]1813-her expression softens as [she]1813-her stretches [her]1813-her arms above [her]1813-her head . “ Do [you]0-i want that , [Lia]168-lia ? ”[1813-her] [She]1813-her nods . “ Yes , but hurry . ”[1813-her] [I]0-i smirk and reach over to [my]0-i nightstand , where [I]0-i pull out a condom and open the package . [I]0-i glance over at [her]1813-her and catch [her]1813-her intense stare as [I]0-i roll the condom over [my]0-i aching cock and make sure it ’s rolled all the way down . “ Do [you]1813-her want [me]0-i on top , or do [you]1813-her want to be on top ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask [her]1813-her . “ [I]1813-her . . . [I]1813-her do n’t know , ”[1813-her] [she]1813-her answers . “ Maybe [you]0-i on top . ”[1813-her] [I]0-i move back between [her]1813-her legs , and instead of slipping inside [her]1813-her right away , [I]0-i lower [my]0-i mouth to [hers]1813-her and kiss [her]1813-her again , parting [her]1813-her lips with [my]0-i tongue . [She]1813-her relaxes beneath [me]0-i , so [I]0-i spend time on working [her]1813-her mouth while [I]0-i play with [her]1813-her breast , loving the way it feels in [my]0-i palm , so soft , like velvet . And when [I]0-i think that [she]1813-her ’s truly relaxed , [I]0-i line up [my]0-i cock against [her]1813-her wet , ready entrance . From the mere feel of [my]0-i dick near [her]1813-her , [she]1813-her tenses again . “ [You]0-i need to relax , [Lia]168-lia . ”[1813-her] “ [I]1813-her know , ”[1813-her] [she]1813-her breathes . “ [I]1813-her ’m just nervous . ”[1813-her] “ Nothing to be nervous about . ”[0-i] [I]0-i kiss along [her]1813-her jaw , down [her]1813-her neck , and then back up . With [my]0-i cock at [her]1813-her entrance , [I]0-i carefully press into [her]1813-her , only an inch , and let [her]1813-her adjust . “ Oh God , ”[1813-her] [she]1813-her gasps . “ [Breaker]68-breaker , [you]68-breaker ’re too big . ”[1813-her] “ [I]0-i ’m not , [Lia]168-lia . [I]0-i ’m perfect for [you]168-lia . ”[0-i] [I]0-i nibble at [her]1813-her ear and play with [her]1813-her nipple before moving [my]0-i mouth back to [hers]1813-her . It takes [her]1813-her a second , but [she]1813-her kisses [me]0-i back with the same passion . And [I]0-i let [her]1813-her get lost in [my]0-i mouth as [I]0-i slowly move inside [her]1813-her again . [She]1813-her ’s so fucking tight that [I]0-i break out in a sweat , [my]0-i mind swirling with how incredible this is going to feel . So fucking amazing . “ [You]1813-her okay ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask [her]1813-her while [I]0-i kiss [her]1813-her jaw . “ Yes , ”[1813-her] [she]1813-her breathes , so [I]0-i move another inch . “ Jesus , ”[1813-her] [she]1813-her whispers . “ [You]0-i sure [you]0-i ’re good ? ”[1813-her] “ Yes . [I]1813-her just . . . [I]1813-her ’ve never felt like this before . ”[1813-her] “ Do [you]1813-her want [me]1813-her to keep going ? ”[1813-her] “ God , yes , ”[1813-her] [she]1813-her says as [she]1813-her finds [my]0-i mouth again and relaxes some more , making it easier for [me]0-i to slip in . After a few more minutes , with [her]1813-her relaxing into [my]0-i mouth , [I]0-i ’m able to almost insert [myself]0-i fully . [Her]1813-her chest rises against [mine]0-i , and [she]1813-her tears [her]1813-her mouth away , taking a deep breath . [I]0-i steal the moment to bring [her]1813-her breast up to [my]0-i mouth , where [I]0-i suck on [her]1813-her nipple . “ [You]1813-her ’re so good , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[1813-her] [Her]1813-her words encourage [me]0-i , so as [I]0-i bite down on [her]1813-her nipple , [I]0-i thrust [my]0-i hips that very last inch , bottoming out as [she]1813-her clenches around [me]0-i . “ Fucking . . . hell , ”[0-i] [I]0-i groan as [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head to [her]1813-her shoulder . [She]1813-her holds [me]0-i tightly , [her]1813-her breathing labored . “ So full , [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[1813-her] [I]0-i lift [my]0-i head and find tears in [her]1813-her eyes . [My]0-i hand quickly falls to [her]1813-her cheek as [I]0-i ask , “ Shit , are [you]1813-her okay ? ”[0-i] “ Perfect , ”[1813-her] [she]1813-her says as [she]1813-her pulls on the back of [my]0-i head and brings [me]0-i close to [her]1813-her mouth . This time , [I]0-i kiss [her]1813-her deeply . [I]0-i stretch [my]0-i tongue farther into [her]1813-her mouth , and [she]1813-her matches the depth . [Our]1832-our colliding mouths send a rippling sensation up the backs of [my]0-i legs that forces [me]0-i to move [my]0-i hips . “ [I]0-i ’m . . . [I]0-i ’m sorry , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say against [her]1813-her mouth . “ [I]0-i need release . ”[0-i] “ [Me]1813-her too , ”[1813-her] [she]1813-her says as [she]1813-her shifts [her]1813-her pelvis . “ Fuck , [Ophelia]70-ophelia , do n’t move . ”[1813-her] [I]0-i pin [my]0-i hand against [her]1813-her hip . “ [You]1813-her ’ll make [me]0-i come . ”[0-i] [She]1813-her smirks and then moves [her]1813-her pelvis again . [My]0-i eyes fall to [hers]1813-her . “ [I]1813-her ’m fucking serious . [You]1813-her ’re so tight . [I]1813-her ’m like seconds from coming . ”[1813-her] “ Then come , ”[1813-her] [she]1813-her says as [her]1813-her legs wrap around [mine]0-i , bringing [me]0-i even deeper . “ Shit , ”[1813-her] [I]0-i mutter as [I]0-i prop [my]0-i hand against the mattress and start sliding in and out of [her]1813-her , making sure to drive down and in at the same time so [she]1813-her receives the same amount of pleasure as [I]0-i do . From the breathless gasp that falls past [her]1813-her lips , [I]0-i ’m guessing [I]0-i got [her]1813-her in the right spot . So [I]0-i do it again . And again . And again . [She]1813-her clings to [me]0-i . Claws at [my]0-i chest . Heaves from side to side , but [I]0-i keep pace , driving [her]1813-her closer and closer to what [we]1833-we both need . “ Yes , [Breaker]68-breaker . Yes , please do n’t stop . ”[1813-her] [Her]1813-her fingers dig into [my]0-i skin , [her]1813-her chest arches , and [her]1813-her pussy tightens around [my]0-i cock right before [she]1813-her lets out the sexiest moan [I]0-i ’ve ever heard , the sound vibrating against [my]0-i heart as [she]1813-her comes . “ Fuck , [Ophelia]70-ophelia , ”[0-i] [I]0-i grunt as [I]0-i pump a few more times . [I]0-i want this euphoric feeling to last forever , [I]0-i want to forever be in this state of bliss , but as [she]1813-her continues to clench around [me]0-i , [I]0-i know it ’s impossible as [my]0-i cock swells and [my]0-i orgasm rips up [my]0-i back and down [my]0-i legs . “ Uhhhh fuck . . . [me]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i shout as [I]0-i come , [my]0-i hips stilling and the most heavenly feeling floating through [me]0-i . “ Oh my God , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia whispers as [we]1834-we both float down from bliss . [Her]168-lia hand falls to [my]0-i hair as [I]0-i press light kisses along [her]168-lia collarbone before lifting up to look [her]168-lia in the eyes . [I]0-i do n’t know what to do . [I]0-i just . . . smile because there ’s nothing [I]0-i can say other than . . . [I]0-i love [you]168-lia . [I]0-i want [you]168-lia forever . [I]0-i never want this moment to end . [She]168-lia lightly caresses [my]0-i cheek . “ [You]0-i are pretty stupid . ”[168-lia] [My]0-i brows narrow . “ What ? ”[168-lia] Not something [you]0-i expect to hear after the most mind - blowing orgasm of [your]0-i life . [She]168-lia chuckles . “ [You]0-i know , for not making a move a lot sooner . ”[168-lia] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i laugh as well . “ Trust [me]0-i , [I]0-i ’ll live with that regret for the rest of [my]0-i life . [I]0-i ’m just grateful [I]0-i have [you]0-i now . ”[0-i] [I]0-i press another light kiss across [her]168-lia lips , and [she]168-lia wraps [her]168-lia arms around [me]0-i , holding [me]0-i tight . * * * “ Are [you]168-lia nervous ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask [Lia]168-lia as [we]1835-we step up to [Huxley]92-jp and [Lottie]96-lottie ’s front door . “ No , why should [I]0-i be ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ No , if [anyone]2080-anyone should be nervous , it ’s [me]0-i . Once [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers see [us]1835-we holding hands , [they]317-my brothers ’re never going to let [me]0-i live it down that [they]317-my brothers told [me]0-i long ago [we]1835-we belonged together . But the ribbing will be worth it . ”[0-i] “ [I]92-jp think it ’s necessary . After this morning . . . very , very necessary . [You]0-i prevented [us]1838-us from partaking in so much . . . joy . ”[92-jp] “ Is that what [you]92-jp ’re calling it ? [Joy]224-joy ? ”[92-jp] “ Yes . ”[1836-she] [She]1836-she smiles cutely . Well , [I]0-i guess [I]0-i ’d call shower sex with [Lia]168-lia joy too . And sex on the [kitchen floor]1837-kitchen floor . The only reason [we]1838-us ’re [here]249-here , dressed , is because [Huxley]92-jp required [my]0-i presence at brunch . Said [he]92-jp had news about [the company]1840-the company . [I]0-i asked [him]92-jp if it was okay if [Lia]168-lia joined , and [he]92-jp said it was n’t a problem . Otherwise , [I]0-i ’d be in [[my]0-i bed]1555-my bed with [Lia]168-lia , naked , just reveling in [her]168-lia body and [her]168-lia sweet lips . [I]0-i ring the doorbell and lean down and press a kiss to [her]168-lia neck . “ Did [I]0-i tell [you]168-lia how beautiful [you]168-lia look in that dress ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Only five times , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia answers . “ Just want to make sure . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia chose a light yellow maxi dress with little to no back and cuts deep in the front . According to [her]168-lia , it ’s a sundress , but [I]0-i ca n’t be too sure about that , especially with the way [I]0-i can see [her]168-lia hard nipples . “ Oh , and just so [you]0-i know . . . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia stands on [her]168-lia toes and whispers , “ [I]168-lia ’m not wearing underwear . ”[168-lia] “ [Lia]168-lia , ”[0-i] [I]0-i groan just as the door opens . [Reign]192-reign , [[their]1842-their private chef]1843-their private chef , greets [us]1844-us with a warm smile . “ Hey , [Breaker]68-breaker . [Everyone]2071-everyone is in the back . ”[192-reign] “ Awesome . Thanks . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause and clap [him]192-reign on the shoulder . “ Please tell [me]0-i [JP]92-jp is n’t making [Bloody Marys]187-bloody marys . ”[0-i] “ Sorry , [dude]2160-dude , [I]192-reign tried to offer up something else , but [he]92-jp was positive [everyone]2071-everyone enjoyed them . ”[192-reign] “ [We]3651-we do n’t . [We]3651-we really do n’t . ”[192-reign] [He]192-reign chuckles , and with [Lia]168-lia ’s hand in [mine]0-i , [I]0-i walk [her]168-lia to the back of [the house]2449-the house , where [I]0-i spot [JP]92-jp , [Huxley]92-jp , [Ryot]169-ryot , [Lottie]96-lottie , [Kelsey]113-kelsey , and [Myla]1846-myla all standing around talking . When [we]1847-us appear at the wide - open sliding door , [everyone]2071-everyone ’s eyes fall on [us]1847-us and then on [our]1847-us connected hands . “ [I]92-jp fucking told [you]96-lottie , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says to [Huxley]92-jp , who rolls [his]92-jp eyes . [Lottie]96-lottie and [Kelsey]113-kelsey clap [their]1849-their hands while [Ryot]169-ryot places a kiss on [Myla]188-myla ’s head . “ Tell [us]1847-us , tell [us]1847-us it ’s true . [You]96-lottie ’re officially [a couple]3518-a couple , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says . [I]0-i glance down at [Lia]168-lia and then back at [[our]1847-us family]2261-our family and [friends]2146-friends . [I]0-i raise [our]1847-us hands and say , “ It ’s official . ”[0-i] [The girls]551-the girls screech while [the guys]2220-the guys dish out [their]2220-the guys “ [I]0-i told [you]0-i so ’s . ”[0-i] After some hugs and handshakes , [the girls]551-the girls usher [Lia]168-lia away while [the guys]2220-the guys are left to make plates for [them]551-the girls . “ So . . . ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ [I]92-jp ’m assuming [you]168-lia ’re [a very happy man]3653-a very happy man at the moment . ”[92-jp] [I]0-i put an egg taco together for [Lia]168-lia and nod . “ Do n’t think [I]0-i ’ve ever been happier . ”[0-i] “ Funny how that is , [you]168-lia know , [you]168-lia could have been happy years ago , but — ”[92-jp] “ [Dude]2160-dude , [I]92-jp do n’t need to hear it , trust [me]92-jp . [I]92-jp ’ve been punishing [myself]92-jp enough . ”[92-jp] “ [He]2160-dude ’s right , though , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says while making a plate for [Lottie]96-lottie . “ Well aware . [I]92-jp did n’t come here to listen to [you]168-lia drone on about how [you]168-lia were right all these years . [I]92-jp came here to celebrate the fact that [I]92-jp finally feel . . . complete . ”[92-jp] “ Jesus , [dude]2160-dude , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ [I]92-jp did n’t think [you]168-lia would get all emotional on [us]3656-us . ”[92-jp] “ [I]0-i ’m not crying , but hell , [I]0-i ’m really happy . [I]0-i feel like everything is in place . ”[0-i] [I]0-i glance back at [the girls]551-the girls , who are huddled , and then [I]0-i pause before scooping up fruit and say , “ [We]3656-us kissed for the first time last night and then had the most intimate sex of [my]0-i life . After that , [I]0-i was [a goner]3657-a goner . [I]0-i ’m done . [I]0-i know [I]0-i need nothing else in [my]0-i life but [her]551-the girls . ”[0-i] “ Did [you]168-lia tell [her]551-the girls that ? ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ Fuck no . Not sure [she]551-the girls ’s ready to hear all of that just yet , but it ’s been hard to keep it to [myself]92-jp , that ’s for sure . [I]92-jp just want to tell [her]551-the girls how much [I]92-jp love [her]551-the girls . [I]92-jp mean . . . fuck , [I]92-jp ’d propose today if [I]92-jp knew [she]551-the girls ’d be open to it . ”[92-jp] “ Well , [I]92-jp ’m glad [you]0-i ’re practicing self - control , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ That ’s progress . ”[92-jp] [We]1857-we finish filling the plates for [[our]1857-we girls]1858-our girls , and then , with a mimosa in hand , [we]1857-we take [them]1858-our girls [their]1858-our girls food . “ Thank [you]92-jp , ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says . [I]0-i slip the mimosa glass into [her]168-lia hand and then lean down and grip [her]168-lia chin . [I]0-i place a soft kiss across [her]168-lia lips only for [Kelsey]113-kelsey , [Myla]188-myla , and [Lottie]96-lottie to all make cooing noises next to [us]1857-we . [Lia]168-lia smiles against [my]0-i lips and then pulls away . “ [[You]3658-you ladies]3659-you ladies have fun talking , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Oh , [we]1857-we will , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says while wiggling [her]96-lottie eyebrows . Yup , the conversation is probably going to revolve around [Lia]168-lia and [me]0-i . [I]0-i walk back over to the buffet , pick up a pink plate and blue napkin , and then fill up on tacos and a mimosa , skipping [JP]92-jp ’s Bloody Marys altogether . [I]0-i will not be subjecting [myself]0-i to that today . Just as [I]0-i take a seat , [Banner]155-banner and [Penn]181-penn walk onto [the back patio]3097-the back patio . [Penn]181-penn is [a former pitcher for [the [Chicago]28-chicago Bobbies]1861-the chicago bobbies]1860-a former pitcher for the chicago bobbies . [He]181-penn ’s been through hell and back to better [his]181-penn life . Being out here in [California]18-california and working with [Ryot]169-ryot and [Banner]155-banner , [he]181-penn ’s truly been able to find solace and peace . “ [Banner Bisley]155-banner , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie shouts from where [the girls]551-the girls are sitting . “ Where is [[my]96-lottie cousin]3660-my cousin ? ”[96-lottie] And yeah , [he]181-penn ’s been supposedly trying to date [Lottie]96-lottie and [[Kelsey]113-kelsey ’s cousin]1863-kelsey ’s cousin , [Kenzie]158-kenzie , but all [I]0-i know about that situation is that things are n’t going the way [he]181-penn wants them to . [Banner]155-banner pauses and sighs heavily . “ [I]155-banner knew [I]155-banner should n’t have come . ”[155-banner] “ Looks like [you]155-banner need a Bloody [Mary]194-mary , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says , standing from [his]92-jp chair . “ [I]92-jp ’ll get [you]155-banner one . ”[92-jp] “ Thanks , ”[155-banner] [Banner]155-banner says , walking over with [JP]92-jp . [I]0-i feel like [I]0-i should warn [him]92-jp , but [I]0-i also do n’t want to hear it from [JP]92-jp either . “ Grab some food , [man]2061-man , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says to [Penn]181-penn . “ Help [yourself]181-penn . ”[92-jp] “ Thanks , ”[181-penn] [Penn]181-penn says , looking almost shy as [he]181-penn picks up a plate . [Huxley]92-jp glances at [me]0-i , and while [we]1864-we ’re to [ourselves]1864-we , [he]92-jp says , “ [I]92-jp ’m really happy for [you]0-i , [Breaker]68-breaker . All teasing aside , [I]92-jp think [she]1865-she ’s perfect for [you]0-i . ”[92-jp] “ Thank [you]92-jp . ”[0-i] [I]0-i glance over at [her]1865-she again . “ [I]0-i ’m getting sort of itchy about making the next move , [you]92-jp know ? ”[0-i] “ Why ? ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp asks . “ Just enjoy the moment . ”[92-jp] “ [I]0-i keep telling [myself]0-i that , but [I]0-i do n’t know . [We]1864-we got together the day [she]1865-she broke up with [Brian]100-brian , and [she]1865-she has n’t really had time to mourn that relationship . [I]0-i guess [I]0-i ’m just worried about what might happen if one day [she]1865-she wakes up and realizes that [she]1865-she made a mistake . ”[0-i] “ Not going to happen , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ [[You]1864-we two]2100-you two are meant to be together . [She]1865-she knows that . Stop worrying and just have fun , [man]2061-man . ”[92-jp] “ Yeah , [you]92-jp ’re right , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say just as [Penn]181-penn sits down . “ [I]0-i thought [we]2100-you two were n’t ever allowed to tell [Huxley]92-jp [he]92-jp ’s right . Something about an ego inflating ? ”[0-i] “ And who told [you]92-jp that ? ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp turns on [Ryot]169-ryot , who has a taco halfway to [his]169-ryot mouth . “ Not [me]169-ryot . Talk to [[your]169-ryot brother]2724-your brother . ”[169-ryot] [I]0-i hold up [my]0-i hands . “ That would be [the other brother]3665-the other brother . [I]0-i ’d never say something like that and get uninvited from Sunday brunch , which by the way , what ’s with the pink - and - blue balloons and décor ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Trying to spice up Sunday brunch ? ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says , interrupting all of [us]1866-us and standing from where [the girls]551-the girls are huddled . [Her]113-kelsey eyes connect with [Huxley]92-jp and then back at [Lottie]96-lottie . “ Uh , everything okay , [babe]3666-babe ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks . “ No , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says . “ Everything is not okay . ”[113-kelsey] And then [she]113-kelsey dissolves into tears , causing [JP]92-jp to drop all [Bloody Mary]194-mary ingredients and rush to [her]113-kelsey side . “ [Kelsey]113-kelsey , what ’s going on ? ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp stands from the table as well , and because [I]0-i do n’t know what ’s happening , [I]0-i stand too . [Lia]168-lia looks back at [me]0-i , confused . [I]0-i ’m perplexed as well , and then [Lottie]96-lottie starts crying . Uhh . . . [Huxley]92-jp pulls [her]96-lottie into a hug immediately , coddling into [his]92-jp chest . [I]0-i just stand there , unsure of what to do . After a few seconds , [I]0-i ask , “ Is there something [I]0-i can do ? Someone [I]0-i can call ? ”[0-i] [Lottie]96-lottie lifts away from [Huxley]92-jp , and [they]1868-they both exchange a glance before turning toward [us]1869-us and saying , “ Welcome to [our]1869-us gender reveal party . ”[1868-they] “ Gender . . . as in . . . as in [you]92-jp ’re having [a baby]1517-a baby ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , shocked . “ [We]1869-us are , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie says as [she]96-lottie presses [her]96-lottie hand to [her]96-lottie stomach . “ And [Kelsey]113-kelsey is mad because [I]96-lottie did n’t tell [her]113-kelsey until now . ”[96-lottie] “ That ’s not why [I]113-kelsey ’m mad , ”[113-kelsey] [Kelsey]113-kelsey says while wiping [her]113-kelsey eyes . “ [I]113-kelsey ’m not mad at all . ”[113-kelsey] [JP]92-jp kisses [Kelsey]113-kelsey ’s hand and then says , “ [She]113-kelsey ’s happy because [we]1870-you ’re pregnant too . ”[92-jp] Uh , say what ? [Lottie]96-lottie lets out a deathly scream before [they]1870-you both run into [each other]288-each other ’s arms and cry together , [[their]1870-you husbands]1872-their husbands just staring at [them]1870-you . [I]0-i walk up to [each of [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers]1873-each of my brothers and offer [them]317-my brothers a hug . “ Well , that would explain the blue - and - pink décor , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say when [I]0-i release [Huxley]92-jp . “ It was [Lottie]96-lottie ’s idea , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says and then pulls [JP]92-jp into a hug . “ Fuck , congrats , [man]2061-man . ”[92-jp] “ Congrats to [you]92-jp , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says while [they]1870-you pull away . “ [Jesus]90-jesus christ , [I]92-jp ca n’t believe [[you]1870-you two]2100-you two are going to be [dads]3670-dads . [I]92-jp do n’t know if [I]92-jp should be happy or worried . ”[92-jp] “ Maybe a bit of both , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ Because [I]92-jp ’m scared shitless . ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp scratches the side of [his]92-jp face and whispers , “ So am [I.]92-jp ”[92-jp] [I]0-i laugh out loud and clap [them]1870-you both on the back . “ Listen , if [I]0-i know one thing for sure , it ’s that [[you]1870-you two]2100-you two were [amazing big brothers]3672-amazing big brothers , so [I]0-i know [you]1870-you ’re going to be [amazing dads]3673-amazing dads too . ”[0-i] “ Shit , that ’s touching , ”[169-ryot] [Ryot]169-ryot says and then pushes [Banner]155-banner . “ How come [you]169-ryot never say that kind of crap to [me]155-banner ? ”[155-banner] [Banner]155-banner , who ’s holding a Bloody [Mary]194-mary , says , “ If [you]169-ryot were [a good big brother]3674-a good big brother , then [I]155-banner would . . . ”[155-banner] “ Ouch . ”[181-penn] [Penn]181-penn chuckles . “ That ’s got to hurt . ”[181-penn] “ Not [a good big brother]3674-a good big brother ? ”[169-ryot] [Ryot]169-ryot asks . “ Who helped [you]169-ryot get out of [your]169-ryot . . . predicament — ”[169-ryot] “ Secret predicament , ”[155-banner] [Banner]155-banner says through clenched teeth . “ Well . . . ”[169-ryot] [Ryot]169-ryot asks . [Banner]155-banner rolls [his]155-banner eyes . “ Fine , [you]169-ryot ’re [a good big brother]3674-a good big brother . Best in all [the land]3677-the land . ”[155-banner] [Ryot]169-ryot brings [his]169-ryot hand to [his]169-ryot chest . “ That ’s so touching , thank [you]169-ryot . ”[169-ryot] “ Wow , [you]169-ryot can really feel the love , ”[181-penn] [Penn]181-penn says , causing [us]1875-us all to chuckle . After another round of congratulations and tons of hugs , [Huxley]92-jp and [Lottie]96-lottie stand by the pool , ready to tell [us]1875-us the sex of [the baby]1876-the baby . It took [Kelsey]113-kelsey a second not to be mad at [[her]113-kelsey sister]1877-her sister for not telling [her]113-kelsey sooner , but [I]0-i think the whole thing was diabolical , and [I]0-i liked it . Baby reveal AND gender reveal . Now that ’s the way to do it . “ Are [you]92-jp ready for the grand reveal ? ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie asks . Arm around [Lia]168-lia , [I]0-i hold [her]168-lia close as [we]1875-us all say yes . “ [Huxley]92-jp , [you]92-jp do the honors . ”[0-i] [Lottie]96-lottie holds [her]96-lottie phone out , and [I]0-i have no idea what ’s happening , but [Huxley]92-jp presses a button on the phone , and [the pool]1312-the pool lights up in all different colors . Instrumental music plays in the background , making a grand show of it , and then the lights start blinking . [Lottie]96-lottie clutches [Huxley]92-jp tightly . [They]1879-they flash blue . Then pink . Then blue . Then pink and pink . . . and pink again just as the music crescendos and everything stops . “ It ’s [a girl]2056-a girl ! ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie shouts and throws [her]96-lottie arms around [Huxley]92-jp . [He]92-jp holds [her]96-lottie tightly , kissing the top of [her]96-lottie head , and . . . [Jesus Christ]90-jesus christ . . . is that a tear in [his]92-jp eye ? No , it ca n’t be . Is it ? And then , lo and behold , [he]92-jp reaches up and rubs [his]92-jp eye . Oh [my]0-i God , [Huxley Cane]225-huxley cane is crying . “ Is that what [I]168-lia think it is ? ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia says quietly . “ If [you]0-i think [Huxley]225-huxley cane is crying , then [you]0-i ’re right . ”[168-lia] “ Wow , never thought [I]0-i ’d see the day . ”[0-i] “ [I]168-lia do n’t think [anyone]2080-anyone did . ”[168-lia] But hell , look at [him]92-jp . Look at [Lottie]96-lottie and [their]1880-their excitement . It ’s palpable . [I]0-i can only hope that one day [Lia]168-lia and [I]0-i will be in the same position . It would be the best future possible . * * * “ Do [you]0-i think [we]1881-we got to take [home croissants]3680-home croissants because [we]1881-we ’re an item now ? ”[168-lia] [Lia]168-lia asks as [I]0-i brush [her]168-lia hair out of [her]168-lia face while [we]1881-we lie in bed . Once [we]1881-we got [home]373-home from the brunch , which lasted another three hours after the baby reveal , [we]1881-we went straight to [[my]0-i apartment]338-my apartment , where [I]0-i slowly peeled off [Lia]168-lia ’s clothes and made love to [her]168-lia . That ’s how [I]0-i see it — making love — because that ’s how [I]0-i fucking feel about [her]168-lia . “ That ’s a great observation because [Penn]181-penn and [Banner]155-banner did n’t get to take any [home]373-home . ”[0-i] “ Oh [my]0-i God , do [you]0-i really think it ’s [a couples]3682-a couples ’ thing ? Are [we]3683-we in some sort of [unofficial croissant club]3684-unofficial croissant club now ? ”[0-i] “ From [Scrabble club]3685-scrabble club to [croissant club]3686-croissant club , look how far [we]3683-we ’ve come . ”[168-lia] [She]168-lia chuckles . “ Today was kind of crazy , all the announcements , all the questions . ”[168-lia] Lying on [my]0-i side so [I]0-i can look at [her]168-lia beautiful face , [I]0-i smooth [my]0-i hand over [her]168-lia hip as [I]0-i ask , “ Did [they]3687-they ask about [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] “ Oh yeah . A lot . ”[168-lia] “ What kind of questions ? ”[0-i] “ The basics . If [we]3683-we kissed , because [they]3687-they knew [I]0-i was waiting for that , and [I]0-i told [them]3687-they [we]3683-we kissed under the fireworks at [Disneyland]43-disneyland . [They]3687-they , of course , all thought [you]0-i are [the better Cane brother]3688-the better cane brother . ”[0-i] “ Really ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , a smile on [my]0-i face . “ Yeah , but then [I]0-i told [them]3687-they how [you]1884-her ’re just okay in bed , and [they]3687-they changed [their]3687-they minds . ”[0-i] [I]0-i tickle [her]1884-her side , causing [her]1884-her to laugh as [I]0-i say , “ [You]1884-her did not say that . ”[0-i] “ No , [I]0-i did n’t . [I]0-i told [them]3687-they the truth , that [you]1884-her have the biggest dick [I]0-i ’ve ever seen and that it ’s almost too big , which makes sex not fun . ”[0-i] “ Fucking liar . ”[0-i] [I]0-i tickle [her]1884-her again . “ Fine , fine . [I]1884-her told [them]3687-they easily the best sex [I]1884-her ’ve ever had . ”[1884-her] Pleased , [I]0-i lean down and press a light kiss to [her]1884-her lips . “ Better . ”[0-i] “ What about [me]1884-her ? ”[1884-her] [she]1884-her asks as [she]1884-her strokes a strand of [my]0-i hair . “ Would [you]1884-her say that about [me]1884-her ? ”[1884-her] “ Seriously ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Do [you]0-i really need to ask that ? ”[0-i] [She]1884-her shrugs . “ Maybe . ”[1884-her] “ [Lia]168-lia , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say softly as [I]0-i cup [her]1884-her cheek . “ Before [you]168-lia , sex was just a means to an end . There was nothing to it other than release , but with [you]168-lia , it ’s completely changed everything about [me]0-i . The connection [we]3689-we have is so powerful that [I]0-i feel like [I]0-i ’m in [another world]3690-another world when [I]0-i ’m with [you]168-lia . Sex with [you]168-lia is unmatched . ”[0-i] [She]1884-her smiles . “ Wow , [you]0-i sure know how to make [a girl]2056-a girl feel good about [herself]2056-a girl . ”[1884-her] “ It ’s true , though . Everything is different with [you]168-lia . It ’s as if [I]1884-her can see better , hear better , taste better . [You]168-lia ’ve brought vivid color into [my]1884-her life , [Lia]168-lia . [You]168-lia ’re the one pumping the oxygen through [my]1884-her veins . ”[1884-her] “ [You]0-i mean that ? ”[1884-her] “ Yes , ”[1884-her] [I]0-i answer . [Her]1884-her eyes soften as [she]1884-her loops [her]1884-her hand to the back of [my]0-i head and brings [me]0-i down to [her]1884-her lips where [she]1884-her kisses [me]0-i deeply , intimately , with every inch of [her]1884-her body . As [our]1885-our breath becomes ragged , [she]1884-her pushes [me]0-i to [my]0-i back and then kisses down [my]0-i neck to [my]0-i chest , and then down to [my]0-i stomach . [She]1884-her pushes the sheets down with [her]1884-her and exposes [my]0-i erection , which [she]1884-her takes in [her]1884-her hand and starts pumping as [she]1884-her moves [her]1884-her mouth lower and lower . “ [Lia]168-lia , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper , desperately wanting [her]1884-her to know how [she]1884-her makes [me]0-i feel . [She]1884-her does n’t say anything . Instead , [she]1884-her kneels in front of [me]0-i and then takes [me]0-i in [her]1884-her mouth , where [she]1884-her sucks hard on the head of [my]0-i dick . A loud hiss escapes [my]0-i lips as [I]0-i spread [my]0-i legs and make room for [her]1884-her . [I]0-i thread [my]0-i fingers through [her]1884-her hair as [she]1884-her works [her]1884-her mouth over [my]0-i cock , swirling [her]1884-her tongue , bringing [me]0-i to the back of [her]1884-her throat , and stroking [her]1884-her hand up and down [my]0-i length until [my]0-i legs quiver . “ [Lia]168-lia , [I]0-i ’m close , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [I]0-i want [you]168-lia on top of [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [She]1884-her glances up at [me]0-i , and [I]0-i can see [her]1884-her wavering on what to do . “ Please , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [I]0-i love [your]168-lia mouth , but [I]0-i want [your]168-lia pussy right now . ”[0-i] [She]1884-her smirks and then flicks [her]1884-her tongue on [my]0-i cock a few more times before pulling away and straddling [my]0-i lap . “ [You]1884-her ready ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask [her]1884-her . [The confident vixen]1886-the confident vixen takes [my]0-i hand and brings it between [her]1884-her legs , where [I]0-i feel just how aroused [she]1884-her is . “ Jesus , [Lia]168-lia , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say right before [she]1884-her positions [my]0-i cock at [her]1884-her entrance and then lowers down in one smooth motion , wrapping [me]0-i up in so much warmth that [I]0-i nearly come right then and there . “ Fuck , ”[0-i] [I]0-i shout as [I]0-i clench down on [my]0-i molars . “ [Lia]168-lia , slow . [I]1884-her ’ll come too fast if [you]168-lia keep that up . ”[1884-her] [She]1884-her smirks . [She]1884-her lifts up so [I]0-i ’m almost all the way out of [her]1884-her , and [she]1884-her slams down again , causing [my]0-i balls to tighten . [She]1884-her ’s so fucking tight , so warm , so slick , it ’s killing [me]0-i . “ [Lia]168-lia , seriously . ”[1884-her] [She]1884-her does it again . And again . And [I]0-i realize [I]0-i have no control over the situation . [She]1884-her wants this moment , and [I]0-i ’m going to give it to [her]1884-her , so [I]0-i drape [my]0-i hand over [my]0-i eyes and let [her]1884-her take control . [She]1884-her slams down a few more times , causing [my]0-i breath to be so erratic that [I]0-i start to lose oxygen to [my]0-i limbs . They become numb , tingly , and [my]0-i need for [this woman]810-this woman turns frantic . “ Fuck , [I]1884-her ’m so close . ”[1884-her] [She]1884-her lifts all the way off [me]0-i until [my]0-i cock rests against [my]0-i stomach now . “ What the fuck ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [she]1884-her leans down and moves [her]1884-her tongue just on the underside , right against the head . “ Fuck , [Lia]168-lia . . . Jesus , no , stop . [I]1884-her do n’t want to come on [my]1884-her stomach . ”[1884-her] [I]0-i grind [my]0-i teeth , [my]0-i will slipping . “ Fuck , please , [I]0-i want to come inside [you]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Are [you]0-i sure ? ”[1884-her] [she]1884-her says , [her]1884-her voice seductive . [She]1884-her loves every second of this . “ Yes . Give [me]1884-her [your]0-i cunt . Now . ”[1884-her] [She]1884-her reaches over to [my]0-i nightstand , pulls out a condom , and then slips it on over [my]0-i aching length . [She]1884-her flips around so [her]1884-her back faces [me]0-i , then places [me]0-i at [her]1884-her entrance again and lets [me]0-i slide in . It feels so fucking good that [I]0-i do n’t think anything will ever top this . Ever . “ Spank [me]1884-her , ”[1884-her] [she]1884-her says as [she]1884-her slowly , and [I]0-i mean fucking slowly , pulses up and down on [me]0-i . Knowing what [she]1884-her wants , [I]0-i whack [her]1884-her in the ass , the sound ricocheting through [the room]250-the room . “ Yesss , ”[1884-her] [she]1884-her groans as [her]1884-her pussy contracts around [my]0-i cock . Fuck , [she]1884-her ’s close too . So [I]0-i spank [her]1884-her again , this time , on the other cheek . Then another . The whole time , [she]1884-her ’s pulsing over [me]0-i , driving [us]1889-our both closer and closer to [our]1889-our climax . [I]0-i hit [her]1884-her again , this one harder , and [she]1884-her groans loud enough that [I]0-i ’m sure [[our]1889-our neighbors]1890-our neighbors can hear [us]1889-our . “ It feels so good , ”[1884-her] [she]1884-her says as [I]0-i lift and pull [her]1884-her so [she]1884-her ’s lying flat against [my]0-i chest . “ Spread [your]1884-her legs more , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper into [her]1884-her ear . And with [our]1889-our new position , [her]1884-her lying on top of [me]0-i and [my]0-i hands wrapped around [her]1884-her , [my]0-i pelvis doing the work , [I]0-i take [her]1884-her nipples between [my]0-i fingers and drive hard into [her]1884-her . “ Oh my God , [Breaker]68-breaker , ”[1884-her] [she]1884-her cries out . “ That ’s . . . oh shit . . . [I]1884-her ’m going — ”[1884-her] [She]1884-her does n’t finish as [she]1884-her moans loudly , [her]1884-her pussy clenching around [me]0-i , [her]1884-her orgasm rocking through [her]1884-her . It ’s the sexiest thing ever , getting to feel the waves of pleasure rippling through [her]1884-her . It ’s so sexy that after two more pumps , [I]0-i stiffen under [her]1884-her . [I]0-i bite down on [her]1884-her shoulder as [I]0-i come as well . Everything around [me]0-i goes black as [my]0-i body floats through bliss . This is only accomplished when [I]0-i ’m with [Lia]168-lia . When it ’s just [her]1884-her and [me]0-i . After a few seconds of catching [our]1891-our breaths , [she]1884-her rolls off [me]0-i and then lies flat on the bed , where [she]1884-her breathes heavily . “ That was . . . new , ”[1884-her] [she]1884-her says as [she]1884-her gasps . [I]0-i chuckle . “ Did it feel good ? ”[0-i] [She]1884-her turns toward [me]0-i and rests [her]1884-her hand on [my]0-i chest as [she]1884-her nods . “ Yeah , it was a completely different orgasm for [me]1884-her . Like [I]1884-her felt it internally . ”[1884-her] [She]1884-her smiles . “ [I]0-i want to do that again . ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle . “ Okay , just give [me]1884-her a second . Got to , [you]0-i know . . . recharge . ”[1884-her] [She]1884-her smiles and then leans on [my]0-i chest and moves [her]1884-her hand across [my]0-i hair before pressing a gentle kiss to [my]0-i lips . “ [I]1884-her still ca n’t believe [I]1884-her get to kiss [you]0-i . It still feels so unreal . ”[1884-her] “ It ’s very much real , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , returning the kiss . “ Everything about [you]0-i and [me]1884-her is real . The best kind of real . ”[1884-her] [Her]1884-her fingers dance along [my]0-i chest . “ [You]0-i ’re not going to get sick of [me]1884-her , are [you]0-i ? ”[1884-her] “ [You]0-i kidding [me]1884-her with that ? If [I]1884-her have n’t gotten sick of [you]0-i over this last decade , [I]1884-her ’m certain [I]1884-her wo n’t get sick of [you]0-i now . ”[1884-her] “ But relationship [me]1884-her is different . ”[1884-her] “ How so ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [You]0-i seem the same . ”[0-i] “ [I]1884-her ’m very clingy . ”[1884-her] “ When it ’s [you]0-i , [I]1884-her love clingy . ”[1884-her] [She]1884-her chuckles . “ [I]1884-her ’m also apparently very horny . ”[1884-her] “ Once again , when it ’s [you]0-i , horny is amazing . ”[1884-her] “ And demanding , [I]1884-her ’m going to need to hold [your]0-i hand on all outings . ”[1884-her] “ [I]1884-her think [I]1884-her ’ll manage . ”[1884-her] “ And [I]1884-her ’ll require at least one date night a week . ”[1884-her] “ Am [I]1884-her only allowed one , or can [I]1884-her have more ? ”[1884-her] [She]1884-her smirks . “ [You]0-i can have as many as [you]0-i want . ”[1884-her] “ Good . ”[0-i] [I]0-i move [my]0-i hand around to the back of [her]1884-her head and stare at [her]1884-her beautiful eyes . Fuck . . . [I]0-i love [you]1884-her , [Lia]168-lia . [I]0-i want to always be with [you]1884-her . Nothing , and [I]0-i mean absolutely nothing , will be better than [you]1884-her . [You]1884-her ’re [my]0-i forever . “ Why are [you]0-i looking at [me]1884-her like that ? ”[1884-her] [she]1884-her asks . “ Like what ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ [I]0-i do n’t know . . . all . . . heart - eye like . ”[0-i] “ Maybe because [I]1884-her have heart eyes when [you]0-i ’re around . ”[1884-her] [She]1884-her palms [my]0-i face and laughs . “ Do n’t be lame . ”[1884-her] [I]0-i twist [her]1884-her so [her]1884-her back is on the mattress and pin [her]1884-her down . “ [I]0-i ’m never lame , but if [you]1884-her think [I]0-i am , then maybe [you]1884-her should just walk away . ”[0-i] “ Okay , ”[1884-her] [she]1884-her says as [she]1884-her attempts to get up . “ Oh fuck no . ”[1884-her] [I]0-i pin [her]1884-her down again , causing [her]1884-her to laugh . “ [You]1884-her ’re mine now . ”[1884-her] And then [I]0-i press [my]0-i lips to [her]1884-her neck and kiss every inch of [her]1884-her body . Chapter Twenty - Two [LIA]168-lia “ [Lia]168-lia , ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker groans as [I]0-i walk past [him]68-breaker . “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask when [I]0-i set [my]0-i empty coffee mug in the sink . “ [You]68-breaker ’re killing [me]68-breaker with that dress . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker leans against the doorway to [[his]68-breaker kitchen]625-his kitchen , dressed in a dark green suit and white button - up dress shirt . [I]0-i ’m killing [him]68-breaker ? The only reason [I]0-i ’m wearing this dress is because [he]68-breaker chose to bust out that suit for work today , and it ’s taking everything within [me]0-i not to tear into that suit before [he]68-breaker goes to work . So to counteract [his]68-breaker full - frontal attack with the suit , [I]0-i slipped on a sundress that [I]0-i would normally never wear for a day of work from [home]373-home , but [you]1894-you know , desperate times call for desperate measures . Playing nonchalantly , [I]0-i glance down at [my]0-i dress and then back up at [him]68-breaker . “ It ’s just a regular dress . ”[0-i] “ That is not a regular dress , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says , walking up to [me]0-i and running [his]68-breaker fingers along the thin strap . “ [You]0-i do n’t normally wear dresses , so is there some special occasion [I]68-breaker do n’t know about ? ”[68-breaker] “ No , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ Ca n’t [a girl]2056-a girl just wear a dress and not get berated about it ? ”[0-i] “ Am [I]68-breaker berating [you]0-i ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks . “ [I]68-breaker was unaware . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker grabs [my]0-i neck , possessively holding [me]0-i and bringing [me]0-i in closer . “ [I]68-breaker ’m just wondering if [you]0-i ’re trying to tempt [me]68-breaker to stay [home]373-home with [you]0-i when [I]68-breaker should be heading into [the office]2191-the office . ”[68-breaker] “ [You]0-i ’re [a grown man]3695-a grown man , [Breaker]68-breaker . [You]0-i can decide what [you]0-i want to do with [your]0-i life . [I]68-breaker do n’t need to wear a dress to tempt [you]0-i . ”[68-breaker] “ Bullshit . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker smiles right before [he]68-breaker tilts [my]0-i jaw up with [his]68-breaker thumb and then kisses [me]0-i so deep that [I]0-i grab the lapels of [his]68-breaker suit to keep from falling . [I]0-i slip [my]0-i tongue past [his]68-breaker lips , and [he]68-breaker groans right before pinning [me]0-i against the cabinets in [the kitchen]497-the kitchen . “ Fuck , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says against [my]0-i lips as [he]68-breaker slips [his]68-breaker hand under [my]0-i dress and finds the lace strap of [my]0-i thong . “ [I]68-breaker have to fucking go , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says as [he]68-breaker tugs on [my]0-i thong and sends it down [my]0-i legs . [I]0-i kick it to the side and spread [my]0-i legs for [him]68-breaker . [He]68-breaker slowly starts fingering [me]0-i as [his]68-breaker mouth takes control . “ Jesus , [Lia]168-lia . [You]0-i ’re already so wet . ”[0-i] [I]0-i untuck [his]68-breaker shirt and thread [my]0-i hand past [his]68-breaker abs . “ [You]0-i ’re so hot in a suit . ”[0-i] “ [I]68-breaker knew [you]0-i wore this dress on purpose , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says right before lifting [me]0-i onto the counter . [He]68-breaker then sheds [his]68-breaker jacket , undoes [his]68-breaker pants , pulls out [his]68-breaker hard cock , and lifts [my]0-i dress . [He]68-breaker picks [me]0-i up , and [I]0-i loop [my]0-i arms around [his]68-breaker waist as [he]68-breaker finds [my]0-i entrance , and [I]0-i fully insert [myself]0-i on [him]68-breaker . “ Fuck , this will never get old , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says right before pinning [me]0-i against the wall and thrusting up . [I]0-i ’m so overwhelmed and caught off guard by the abrupt change that [my]0-i body freely gives itself to [him]68-breaker . [I]0-i feel [my]0-i body climb , especially from the way [he]68-breaker ’s driving into [me]0-i . “ Breaker , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper into [his]68-breaker ear , which makes [his]68-breaker entire body shiver . “ Shit , [Lia]168-lia . This is going to be fast . ”[0-i] Holding [me]0-i tightly , [he]68-breaker thrusts a few more times , and [I]0-i feel [my]0-i orgasm breaking . [I]0-i squeeze [him]68-breaker tightly , tilt [my]0-i head back where [his]68-breaker lips fall to [my]0-i neck , and as [he]68-breaker peppers kisses along [my]0-i skin , [I]0-i let out a guttural moan as [I]0-i come . [He]68-breaker pumps a few more times and then [he]68-breaker releases [me]0-i , pulls out and then turns away , pumping at [his]68-breaker cock until [he]68-breaker comes right there on the [kitchen]1588-kitchen floor . [My]0-i face heats up from the sight of it . [His]68-breaker hand presses against the counter as [we]1897-we both catch [our]1897-we breath . “ [Motherfucker]3696-motherfucker , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker whispers as [I]0-i walk up to [him]68-breaker and lightly take [his]68-breaker cock in [my]0-i hand . [I]0-i stroke it a few times and then grab a wet paper towel from [the kitchen]497-the kitchen and wipe everything up before helping [him]68-breaker put [himself]68-breaker back together . When [I]0-i ’m done , [he]68-breaker places both [his]68-breaker hands on [my]0-i cheeks and then kisses [my]0-i mouth for a few moments before pulling away . “ This is going to be impossible . ”[68-breaker] “ What will be impossible ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Leaving [you]0-i to go to work , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker answers . “ [I]68-breaker just want to stay [here]249-here all fucking day with [you]0-i . . . and night . ”[68-breaker] “ Now who ’s [the clingy one]3698-the clingy one ? ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker chuckles and sighs before pulling [me]0-i into a hug . “ Okay . [I]68-breaker ’ll see [you]0-i later . ”[68-breaker] “ Okay . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker kisses [me]0-i one more time before groaning and stepping away . “ Bye , [Lia]168-lia . ”[68-breaker] “ Bye , [Breaker]2551-breaker . Have a good day . ”[0-i] [I]0-i wave , and [he]68-breaker takes off . When the door shuts , [I]0-i press [my]0-i hand to [my]0-i forehead and lean against the counter . [God]199-god . . . that was intense and oh so satisfying . * * * Breaker : How ’s [your]1899-your day so far ? [Mine]1900-your ’s been pretty lame . [I]0-i think [I]0-i ’m going to ask [JP]92-jp and [Huxley]92-jp if [I]0-i can work from [home]373-home from now on . [Lia]168-lia : Probably not [your]1900-your best idea . [We]1902-we would n’t get anything done . Breaker : Not [my]0-i problem . [Lia]168-lia : It ’s [[your]1900-your company]1903-your company with [[your]1900-your brothers]2386-your brothers . It ’s very much [your]1900-your problem . [Breaker]68-breaker : Then [I]0-i need to go on vacation . Let ’s go somewhere . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i ’m still trying to catch up on all the work [I]0-i ’ve missed out on over the past few weeks . [Breaker]68-breaker : Quit [your]168-lia job . [I]0-i ’ll hire [you]168-lia . [Lia]168-lia : To be what ? [Breaker]68-breaker : To sit on [my]0-i dick . It ’s a very sought - after position . [Lia]168-lia : Oh , is that so ? [Breaker]68-breaker : Ehh , that did n’t come out right . [Lia]168-lia : Because [I]0-i ’d hope there is n’t [anyone else]2400-anyone else applying . [Breaker]68-breaker : [You]168-lia ’re the only one . So what do [you]168-lia say ? [I]0-i ’ll give [you]168-lia whatever compensation [you]168-lia want . [Lia]168-lia : Appealing , but [I]0-i ’m afraid of the chafing . [I]0-i ’m going to have to pass . [Breaker]68-breaker : At least give it a trial run . [Lia]168-lia : Sorry , but [you]68-breaker sound too demanding . [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i can commit [myself]0-i to such an arduous workplace environment . Pass . [Breaker]68-breaker : Dammit . At least come meet [me]0-i for lunch . [Lia]168-lia : Ca n’t . [I]0-i ’m heading to [the office supply store]1906-the office supply store because [I]0-i ran out of toner , and [I]0-i have to print some documents to work on . Breaker : So [you]168-lia ’re saying [I]0-i have to wait until tonight ? [Lia]168-lia : [You]68-breaker will survive . Breaker : Barely . [Lia]168-lia : Hang in there , Pickle . Breaker : That just made [me]0-i smile . [Lia]168-lia : [You]68-breaker make [me]0-i smile . [I]0-i ’ll talk to [you]68-breaker later . Breaker : Okay . Bye . * * * “ Excuse [me]0-i , would [you]1907-the worker be able to direct [me]0-i to [[your]1907-the worker toner]3700-your toner ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask [the worker]1907-the worker . “ Yes , aisle twelve , ”[1907-the worker] [he]1907-the worker answers . “ On the right . ”[1907-the worker] “ Thank [you]68-breaker . ”[1907-the worker] With a pack of felt - tip pens in hand , because [I]0-i have a sick obsession , [I]0-i walk down to [aisle twelve]1908-aisle twelve and spot the toner . [I]0-i take out [my]0-i phone to see the note [I]0-i wrote [myself]0-i to know which toner to get when [I]0-i see a text from [Breaker]68-breaker . [Breaker]68-breaker : [JP]92-jp just came into [[my]0-i office]2171-my office and started crying because [he]92-jp does n’t think [he]92-jp ’s going to be [a good dad]1910-a good dad , and [he]92-jp ’s freaking the fuck out . What is happening to [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers ? [I]0-i smile and text [him]92-jp back quickly . [Lia]168-lia : Who knew [babies]1912-babies were going to be the thing that took [them]1912-babies down ? Once [I]0-i press send , [I]0-i go to [my]0-i notes just as there is a tap on [my]0-i shoulder . [I]0-i turn and come face to face with [Brian]100-brian . “ Oh [my]0-i God , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , taking a step back . “ [Brian]100-brian . . . uh . . . hi . ”[0-i] Wearing a suit and looking as handsome as ever , [he]92-jp smiles sadly while [he]92-jp sticks [his]92-jp hands in [his]92-jp pockets . “ Hey , [Lia]168-lia , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says softly . “ Wow , uh . . . ”[92-jp] [I]0-i glance around , hoping that [The Beave]111-the beave is n’t [here]249-here either . “ What are [you]92-jp doing here ? ”[111-the beave] “ [[My]0-i assistant]3317-my assistant quit on [me]0-i , for good reason . [I]0-i ’ve been [a tyrant]862-a tyrant lately , so [I]0-i came here to pick up some supplies [I]0-i needed . ”[0-i] “ Oh . ”[111-the beave] Awkwardly [I]0-i ask , “ Does n’t [[your]92-jp office]3703-your office carry that stuff ? ”[0-i] “ [They]3703-your office do , but there are some specific things [they]3703-your office do n’t carry . ”[0-i] “ Nice , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say awkwardly . “ Well , [I]0-i ’m just getting toner . ”[0-i] “ And pens , [I]92-jp see , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says while gesturing to the pens in [my]0-i hand . “ [You]0-i could never get enough of the felt - tip ones . ”[92-jp] “ It ’s an unhealthy obsession [I]0-i ’m okay with having . ”[0-i] “ Could be worse , [I]92-jp guess . ”[92-jp] [He]92-jp rocks on [his]92-jp heels , and the awkwardness settles . “ Well , [I]0-i ’m just going to get back to [[my]0-i toner shopping]3704-my toner shopping . ”[0-i] [I]0-i thumb toward the shelves . “ Have dinner with [me]92-jp , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says quickly . “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Dinner , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says , [his]92-jp pleading eyes lifting to [mine]0-i . “ [I]92-jp just . . . [I]92-jp want to talk . ”[92-jp] “ Oh . ”[92-jp] [I]0-i clutch the pens tighter . “ Well , [Brian]100-brian , [I]0-i do n’t think that ’s a good idea . [I]0-i ’m sort of seeing [someone]2072-someone . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i are ? ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp asks , [his]92-jp shock quickly morphing into understanding . “ Let [me]92-jp guess . . . [Breaker]68-breaker . ”[92-jp] Feeling so freaking guilty , [I]0-i say , “ Nothing happened until after [you]92-jp and [I]0-i broke up , [I]0-i swear , [Brian]100-brian . [He]68-breaker never made a move on [me]0-i , ever . [I]0-i need [you]92-jp to know that . ”[0-i] [He]92-jp nods . “ [I]92-jp believe [you]0-i . ”[92-jp] And even though [he]92-jp says [he]92-jp believes [me]0-i , it does n’t lessen the guilt pumping through [me]0-i because [I]0-i know [Breaker]68-breaker was such a sensitive topic for [him]92-jp . “ So . . . ”[68-breaker] “ [I]92-jp still want to have dinner or even just coffee , ”[92-jp] [he]92-jp says . “ [I]92-jp just . . . well fuck , [Lia]168-lia . ”[92-jp] [He]92-jp tugs on [his]92-jp hair . “ [I]92-jp just want to clear the air . [I]92-jp know [you]168-lia ’ve moved on , but [I]92-jp think [I]92-jp just need some closure . ”[92-jp] As [I]0-i stare at [his]92-jp weathered eyes , eyes that [I]0-i used to stare into dreamingly , [I]0-i realize , that yeah . . . maybe [I]0-i need some closure too . So before [I]0-i can stop [myself]0-i , [I]0-i say , “ Coffee would be fine . ”[0-i] “ Okay . Thanks . [I]0-i ’ll , uh , [I]0-i ’ll text [you]92-jp the details and leave [you]92-jp to [your]92-jp toner purchases . ”[0-i] “ Sounds good . Thanks , [Brian]100-brian . ”[92-jp] [He]92-jp barely smiles and then turns away . When [he]92-jp ’s out of sight , [I]0-i exhale harshly , unaware [I]0-i was holding [my]0-i breath . Closure . [I]0-i think [he]92-jp ’s right . In the back of [my]0-i mind , [I]0-i know something has been holding [me]0-i back from giving [myself]0-i fully to [Breaker]68-breaker . From giving [him]68-breaker everything [he]68-breaker deserves . [My]0-i whole heart . Maybe [I]0-i have n’t closed the chapter on [Brian]100-brian just yet . Although [he]92-jp never usurped [[Breaker]68-breaker ’s number - one spot in [my]0-i heart]1914-breaker ’s number - one spot in my heart — [I]0-i can see that now — [he]92-jp was important to [me]0-i . Closure is always good before [you]1915-you start something new . Maybe something that ’s forever . * * * [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i ’m [an idiot]1009-an idiot . [I]0-i pace [[my]0-i bedroom]496-my bedroom while [I]0-i wait for [Myla]1918-myla to text [me]0-i back . [I]0-i did n’t want to bother [Kelsey]113-kelsey or [Lottie]96-lottie because [they]1919-they seem to be going through a lot with [their]1919-they pregnancies and [[their]1919-they bumbling husbands]1920-their bumbling husbands . In the off chance that [they]1919-they might say something to [JP]92-jp and [Huxley]92-jp , who might say something to [Breaker]68-breaker , [I]0-i think keeping [them]1919-they out of the loop is smart . [My]0-i phone chimes , and [I]0-i quickly read the text . [Myla]1918-myla : Doubtful , but tell [me]0-i what ’s going on . [My]0-i fingers fly over [my]0-i phone , texting [her]1918-myla back as quickly as [I]0-i can . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i ran into [Brian]100-brian at [the office supply store]1906-the office supply store , and [he]68-breaker asked [me]0-i to coffee . [I]0-i said yes . [I]0-i hit send and wince . [Myla]1918-myla : Huh , that seems pretty idiotic . Is there a reason ? [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i told [him]68-breaker [I]0-i was dating [Breaker]68-breaker , and [he]68-breaker understood that . [He]68-breaker said [he]68-breaker wanted closure , and a part of [me]0-i wants that too . But [I]0-i feel like [Breaker]68-breaker will freak out . [Myla]188-myla : Why do [you]168-lia think [you]168-lia need closure ? [Lia]168-lia : At some point , [I]0-i imagined [I]0-i ’d marry [the man]260-the man . Even though things did n’t end well , [we]1923-we still had some good times , and [he]260-the man played an important role in [my]0-i life . [I]0-i think [I]0-i owe it to [us]1923-we both and to [Breaker]68-breaker to close that chapter . [Myla]188-myla : [I]0-i could see that . So what ’s the problem ? [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i just want to make sure it ’s a valid reason . And sure , when [I]0-i saw [Brian]100-brian today , [I]0-i thought [he]260-the man was handsome , but [I]0-i ’d NEVER , and [I]0-i mean never , even consider going back to [him]260-the man . [Breaker]68-breaker is . . . well , [he]68-breaker ’s [my]0-i forever , but when [I]0-i go to say that to [him]260-the man , [I]0-i feel this mental block . [I]0-i think that mental block is [Brian]100-brian . [Myla]188-myla : [I]0-i think [you]168-lia might be right . So then just tell [Breaker]68-breaker [you]168-lia need closure with [Brian]100-brian and go have it . [Lia]168-lia : OH MY GOD ! [I]0-i ca n’t tell [Breaker]68-breaker . [He]68-breaker would freak out . [He]68-breaker ’s already super possessive of [me]0-i . If [I]0-i told [him]68-breaker [I]0-i had to meet with [Brian]100-brian , [he]68-breaker ’d second - guess everything , and [I]0-i ’m pretty sure [he]68-breaker ’d become very insecure . [I]0-i do n’t want to do that to [him]68-breaker . [Myla]0-i : [I]0-i know the feeling . [Ryot]169-ryot is the same way when it comes to [me]0-i . So , if [you]0-i think [you]0-i need to do this to find closure so [you]0-i can freely move on with [Breaker]68-breaker , then do it . [Lia]168-lia : Yeah ? [Myla]0-i : Yeah . If [you]0-i truly want a fresh start with [Breaker]68-breaker with nothing in the way , then [you]0-i need to make sure [you]0-i have a clear mind . Trust [me]0-i , [I]0-i know from experience . [Lia]168-lia : [I]0-i think [you]0-i ’re right . Okay . Thank [you]0-i so much . [I]0-i really appreciate it . [Myla]188-myla : Anytime ! * * * “ Where the hell are [you]0-i ? ”[68-breaker] [Breaker]68-breaker says , flying through [my]0-i front door . “ Back here , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say from [[my]0-i bedroom]496-my bedroom . [I]0-i hear [him]68-breaker set something down , [his]68-breaker shoes fly off , and then [he]68-breaker jogs into [[my]0-i bedroom]496-my bedroom . [I]0-i turn around just in time to catch [him]68-breaker flying at [me]0-i and tackling [me]0-i to [my]0-i bed . [His]68-breaker lips find [my]0-i neck , [my]0-i jaw , [my]0-i mouth . “ Fuck , [I]68-breaker missed [you]0-i , ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker says while tugging at [my]0-i shirt . “ Hold . . . hold on there , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ What do [you]68-breaker mean hold on there ? [I]0-i ’ve been waiting all day for this . ”[0-i] [He]68-breaker lifts up to look [me]0-i in the eyes . “ [I]68-breaker know , [I]68-breaker just , [I]68-breaker have to go out tonight . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker lifts up even more . “ What do [you]68-breaker mean [you]68-breaker have to go out ? [I]68-breaker thought [I]68-breaker was all yours when [I]68-breaker got back . ”[68-breaker] “ Something came up , and [I]68-breaker need to meet [a friend]2434-a friend . ”[68-breaker] “ Oh . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker lets [me]0-i up . “ Everything okay ? ”[68-breaker] “ Yeah . ”[0-i] [My]0-i phone lights up on the nightstand with a text , and [I]0-i quickly grab it and stuff it in the back pocket of [my]0-i jeans . That has to be [Brian]100-brian . “ Just an impromptu thing . Not sure when [I]68-breaker ’ll be [home]373-home . ”[68-breaker] [He]68-breaker scratches the back of [his]68-breaker head . “ Okay . Well , should [I]68-breaker wait to have dinner with [you]68-breaker ? ”[68-breaker] “ No , that ’s okay . Eat away . And do n’t feel like [you]68-breaker need to hang out here . [You]68-breaker can go back to [[your]68-breaker place]2284-your place if [you]68-breaker want . ”[0-i] [I]0-i move toward [the entryway]986-the entryway , a light sheen of sweat hitting [my]0-i lower back . [I]0-i just need to get out of here with minimal questions . But of course , [he]68-breaker follows [me]0-i . “ [You]0-i seem uneasy . Are [you]0-i sure everything is okay ? ”[68-breaker] [he]68-breaker asks . [I]0-i turn and place [my]0-i hand on [his]68-breaker chest and press a quick kiss to [his]68-breaker lips , not letting [him]68-breaker deepen it like [I]0-i did earlier today . “ Everything is great . [I]0-i ’ll text [you]68-breaker when [I]0-i ’m [home]373-home . ”[0-i] “ Okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn to move toward the door , but [he]68-breaker stops [me]0-i and pulls [me]0-i into [his]68-breaker chest . “ [You]0-i ’d tell [me]68-breaker if something was wrong , right ? Like if [I]68-breaker did anything ? ”[68-breaker] See . . . this is exactly why [I]0-i do n’t want to tell [him]68-breaker about [Brian]100-brian , because [he]68-breaker would be way too insecure about it . “ [You]0-i did nothing . Okay ? [I]0-i ’ll see [you]68-breaker later . ”[0-i] [I]0-i give [him]68-breaker one more kiss , and then [I]0-i head out the door . [I]0-i draw [my]0-i phone from [my]0-i pocket , grab the coordinates of where [we]1927-we ’re meeting up , and head straight there . * * * Dinner seemed like too much . Coffee was a perfect idea and gave [me]0-i a quick out . [I]0-i approach [the small coffee shop [I]0-i ’ve never been to before and spot [Brian]100-brian in the window , with two cups of coffee on the table in front of [him]68-breaker]1928-the small coffee shop i ’ve never been to before and spot brian in the window , with two cups of coffee on the table in front of him . [I]0-i ’m surprised [he]68-breaker even knows [my]0-i order . Well , [I]0-i guess [I]0-i ’ll see if it ’s right . [I]0-i push through the glass door of [the quaint coffee shop]1929-the quaint coffee shop and move toward [him]68-breaker . When [he]68-breaker spots [me]0-i , a light smile passes over [his]68-breaker lips , but it ’s not the kind of smile [he]68-breaker used to have . No longer in a suit , [he]68-breaker ’s in a simple pair of jeans and a T - shirt . And [his]68-breaker hair is messy , not styled like normal . [I]0-i almost do n’t recognize [him]68-breaker as [I]0-i approach . But what really catches [my]0-i eye is the large white garment bag sitting on [my]0-i chair . “ Hey . . . [Brian]100-brian , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i approach the table . “ Hey . Thanks for coming . [I]0-i , uh , [I]0-i brought one of [your]100-brian dresses . It was delivered to [[[my]0-i mom]2233-my mom ’s house]3711-my mom ’s house . Uh , apparently , the other two will be delivered next week . [I]0-i thought [you]100-brian ’d want to take care of it . Maybe change the delivery address . . . ”[0-i] “ Oh , thank [you]100-brian , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i lift it and set it to the side . [I]0-i ’ll definitely be canceling the other dresses . Will [I]0-i be able to get a refund ? Once [I]0-i take a seat , [Brian]100-brian hands [me]0-i the coffee . “ Got [you]0-i a cappuccino , thought it would be the best choice for [you]0-i . ”[100-brian] Ah , so [he]1930-i does n’t know [my]0-i order . Not that a coffee order would make or break a relationship , but the little things like that drove [me]0-i crazy . After over a year of being together , how could [he]1930-i not know ? “ [I]1930-i . . . [I]1930-i do n’t drink cappuccinos , [Brian]100-brian . ”[1930-i] “ Oh , sorry , ”[1930-i] [he]1930-i says , [his]1930-i shoulders deflating . “ [I]1930-i guess [I]1930-i do n’t really know what [you]0-i would drink . ”[1930-i] “ [I]0-i think that was one of [our]3712-our problems , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ So [we]3712-our ’re just going to jump right into this ? ”[1930-i] [he]1930-i asks . “ Might as well . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ Okay . ”[0-i] [He]1930-i shifts and twists [his]1930-i cup on the table . “ So [I]1930-i clearly did n’t know [your]0-i coffee order . ”[1930-i] “ It ’s not just that , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ It ’s that [I]0-i do n’t think [you]0-i knew much about [me]0-i at all . And [I]0-i ’m not sure [I]0-i knew a whole lot about [you]0-i either . ”[0-i] [He]1930-i nods . “ [I]1930-i think [you]0-i ’re right , and [I]1930-i ’m probably to blame for that . ”[1930-i] [He]1930-i sighs . “ [I]1930-i ’m seeing that [I]1930-i ’ve been so hell - bent on making something of [myself]1930-i and checking off all the boxes of what [I]1930-i need to do to get there that [I]1930-i do n’t think [I]1930-i ’ve actually been living . ”[1930-i] [He]1930-i lifts [his]1930-i eyes to [mine]0-i and says , “ That day , when [you]0-i walked away at [the bakery]3309-the bakery , [I]1930-i was n’t even mad . [I]1930-i knew it was going to happen . [I]1930-i could feel the tension between [us]3714-us , [I]1930-i could feel [you]0-i slipping away , and [I]1930-i knew there was [no one to blame]3715-no one to blame but [myself]1930-i . ”[1930-i] “ [I]0-i should have tried harder too , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . [He]1930-i shakes [his]1930-i head . “ [I]1930-i know [you]0-i , [Lia]168-lia . [You]0-i ’re just trying to be nice right now , but please , the blame deserves to be placed on [me]1930-i . [I]1930-i drove [you]0-i away . [I]1930-i became uninterested . [I]1930-i was n’t . . . hell , [I]1930-i was n’t even fully in this relationship when [I]1930-i proposed . [I]1930-i just did it because [[my]1930-i mother]2272-my mother was pressuring [me]1930-i . It was n’t right for [you]0-i , and it was n’t right for [me]1930-i . ”[1930-i] “ Would [you]1931-i have gone through with it if [I]0-i had n’t called it off ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [He]1931-i nods . “ Yes . [I]1931-i would have , and [I]1931-i would have only made [you]0-i more and more miserable because no way would [I]1931-i have ended it . [I]1931-i would have kept it going until [you]0-i probably would n’t have been able to take it anymore . ”[1931-i] “ Why ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Because [[my]0-i parents]2089-my parents have made it impossible to please [them]2089-my parents . Status is so important to [them]2089-my parents that [I]0-i would have done anything to maintain that . ”[0-i] “ [I]1931-i can understand that . [I]1931-i probably would have done anything to make [[my]1931-i parents]2089-my parents happy , and [I]1931-i think that ’s why [I]1931-i went out with [you]0-i too . [They]2089-my parents never wanted [me]1931-i to be alone . When [I]1931-i went to college , [they]2089-my parents were so scared that [I]1931-i did n’t have [anyone]2080-anyone to lean on , like [a sibling]3720-a sibling , so when [I]1931-i met [Breaker]68-breaker , [they]2089-my parents were relieved . [They]2089-my parents knew [he]68-breaker would always be by [my]1931-i side . When [they]2089-my parents passed shortly before [I]1931-i met [you]0-i , [I]1931-i think [I]1931-i was trying to let [them]2089-my parents know that [I]1931-i ’d be okay , if that makes sense . ”[1931-i] “ It really does , ”[1932-he] [he]1932-he says . [He]1932-he stares down at [his]1932-he coffee and asks , “ Did [you]0-i ever love [me]1932-he ? ”[1932-he] [I]0-i reach across the table and place [my]0-i hand on [his]1932-he . “ Of course , [Brian]100-brian , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say softly . “ [I]0-i loved [you]100-brian for so many reasons , [I]0-i just do n’t think [you]100-brian and [I]0-i were in love at the end . [I]0-i think [we]3721-we were just going through the motions . ”[0-i] “ [We]3721-we were , and [I]0-i ’m sorry about that . ”[0-i] “ Do n’t be , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [I]0-i think [I]0-i ’d have been madder if [you]100-brian ’d put in the effort , even though it was all a lie . ”[0-i] “ [My]0-i love for [you]100-brian was n’t a lie , [Lia]168-lia . ”[0-i] “ [I]1933-i ’m sorry , [I]1933-i said that wrong . [I]1933-i guess [your]100-brian intentions were a lie . ”[1933-i] [He]1933-i glances out the window and sighs . “ [You]168-lia know , if things were different , if [I]1933-i did n’t have to live with this pressure , and [I]1933-i could be [the man [I]1933-i truly am for [you]100-brian]3722-the man i truly am for you , [the one [you]100-brian first met]3723-the one you first met , [I]1933-i think [we]3724-we could have had a great life together . ”[1933-i] “ [We]3724-we probably could have , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say because [Brian]100-brian was fun at one point , but [his]1933-i competitive side — [his]1933-i workaholic nature — got the best of [him]1933-i . [He]1933-i leans back in [his]1933-i chair and says , “ Well , fuck . ”[1933-i] [His]1933-i eyes connect with [mine]0-i . “ Are [you]0-i happy , [Lia]168-lia ? With [Breaker]68-breaker . . . does [he]68-breaker make [you]0-i happy ? ”[1933-i] [I]0-i ca n’t hold back the smile that crosses [my]0-i lips . “ Yes , [I]0-i ’m thrilled . It still does n’t feel real , but [I]0-i ’m happy . ”[0-i] “ [I]1933-i ’m glad . [He]68-breaker ’s [a good man]3725-a good man , even though it might have seemed like [we]3726-you did n’t get along . [[You]3726-you two]2100-you two always had a special connection that [I]1933-i was very jealous of , and [I]1933-i ’m sure that did n’t help [our]3726-you case . ”[1933-i] “ It was hard hanging out with [both of [you]3726-you]3728-both of you , but that does n’t matter anymore . ”[0-i] When [he]1934-i looks away , [I]0-i ask , “ [Brian]100-brian ? ”[0-i] “ Hmm ? ”[1933-i] “ Are [you]0-i going to allow [yourself]0-i to be happy ? Or are [you]0-i always going to look for what ’s next in [your]0-i career ? What [you]0-i can do to make [[your]0-i mother]2244-your mother happy ? ”[1933-i] “ [I]1934-i ’d like to say [I]1934-i ’ll find happiness one day , but [I]1934-i ’m not sure . ”[1934-i] [His]1934-i eyes connect with [mine]0-i . “ [My]1934-i brain is wired differently . [I]1934-i have this internal need to please and to accomplish , and if [I]1934-i ’m not doing one of those things every day , [I]1934-i feel itchy , out of control , like [my]1934-i life is falling apart . [I]1934-i ’m not sure happiness can fall within those parameters . ”[1934-i] “ [I]1935-i know this is n’t [[my]1935-i place]473-my place , but it might be helpful for [you]0-i to talk to [someone]2072-someone , [a therapist]3732-a therapist , to help [you]0-i work through those feelings . And maybe , to become stronger in [yourself]0-i . [I]1935-i was so hurt when [you]0-i did n’t stand up for [me]1935-i in front of [[your]0-i mother]2244-your mother , and on behalf of [your]0-i future [Mrs. Brian]100-brian , can [I]1935-i urge [you]0-i to learn how to do that ? ”[1935-i] [He]1935-i smiles and grimaces in that order . “ [You]0-i ’re right . [I]1935-i know [you]0-i are . [I]1935-i ’m sorry [I]1935-i did n’t do that . [I]1935-i need to find the courage first . ”[1935-i] [His]1935-i eyes connect with [mine]1936-mine . “ Maybe this conversation was the boost [I]1935-i needed . ”[1935-i] [I]0-i smile . “ Well , [I]0-i hope so . ”[0-i] [We]1937-we spend the next few minutes catching up quickly , but [we]1937-we never dive too deep . [I]0-i do n’t tell [him]1935-i much about [Breaker]68-breaker because [I]0-i do n’t want to break [his]1935-i spirit . By the time [we]1937-we say bye , and [I]0-i carry [my]0-i wedding dress away from [him]1935-i , [I]0-i feel the weight come off [my]0-i shoulders like [I]0-i did what [I]0-i needed to do , and now [I]0-i ’m free . [I]0-i ’m free to be with [Breaker]68-breaker . [I]0-i ’m free to love . And [I]0-i ’m free to live the life [I]0-i ’ve always wanted with [the man of [my]0-i dreams]1938-the man of my dreams . [I]0-i pull out [my]0-i phone and text [Myla]188-myla . [Lia]168-lia : Just got done with coffee . This was everything [I]0-i needed . [I]0-i ’m ready to give [my]0-i all to [Breaker]68-breaker . [Myla]188-myla : This is exactly what [I]0-i wanted to hear . Chapter Twenty - Three BREAKER “ Are [you]0-i breathing into a bag ? ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp asks as [I]0-i ’m on the phone with [him]92-jp . “ YES ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i shout through the brown paper . “ Why ? ”[0-i] “ Because [I]0-i ’m freaking the fuck out , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i pace [[my]0-i bedroom]496-my bedroom . After [Lia]168-lia blew [me]0-i off , [I]0-i stood in [[her]168-lia apartment]323-her apartment for a few minutes , thinking that maybe [she]168-lia was only joking and [she]168-lia would come back , but when [she]168-lia did n’t , dread started to fill [my]0-i brain . Why did [she]168-lia just walk out like that ? Who is [she]168-lia going to go see ? Why did n’t [she]168-lia make solid plans for when [she]168-lia returned ? Why am [I]0-i [a needy little salamander of [a man who requires to be next to [her]168-lia bouncy bosom at all times]1942-a man who requires to be next to her bouncy bosom at all times ? Fuck]1941-a needy little salamander of a man who requires to be next to her bouncy bosom at all times ? fuck ! “ Why are [you]0-i freaking out ? ”[1941-a needy little salamander of a man who requires to be next to her bouncy bosom at all times ? fuck] “ All day , [I]168-lia was pining to see [[my]168-lia girl]2155-my girl , and when [I]168-lia got [home]373-home , [she]168-lia was on [her]168-lia way out . Said [she]168-lia had to meet [someone]2072-someone , but who the fuck is [she]168-lia meeting ? [I]168-lia mean , [we]3737-we had plans , [JP]92-jp , not official , but [I]168-lia mean it was assumed [we]3737-we ’d be spending every goddamn second with [each other]288-each other when [we]3737-we ’re not working and [she]168-lia ’s not working , and [I]168-lia ’m not working , but [she]168-lia ’s not [here]249-here because [she]168-lia ’s out somewhere and [she]168-lia was really fucking evasive about it , and now [I]168-lia ’m wondering if [I]168-lia ’m not good enough and if [she]168-lia found someone else that suits [her]168-lia fancy more . ”[168-lia] “ Okay , well . . . first of all , wow . Maybe take a breather for a second , [dude]2160-dude . [Your]2160-dude desperation is showing . ”[1941-a needy little salamander of a man who requires to be next to her bouncy bosom at all times ? fuck] “ [I]0-i fucking know that it is , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i pace . “ Dude , listen , [I]0-i ’m terrified , okay ? [I]0-i feel like [we]3737-we ’re together , but something has blocked [her]168-lia from fully being with [me]0-i , and [I]0-i know it ’s just a feeling , but it ’s there , and this little stunt has pushed [me]0-i over the goddamn edge . [I]0-i ca n’t lose [her]168-lia . ”[0-i] “ [You]2160-dude ’re not losing [her]168-lia , [[you]2160-dude moron]1157-you moron . [She]168-lia probably went out with [a friend]2434-a friend . ”[1941-a needy little salamander of a man who requires to be next to her bouncy bosom at all times ? fuck] “ What [friend]3743-friend ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Yeah , maybe [I]0-i was [a psycho]3744-a psycho and asked [Ryot]169-ryot if [Myla]3745-myla was with [him]169-ryot , and maybe [I]0-i asked [Huxley]92-jp , and maybe [I]0-i called [you]2160-dude to see where [Kelsey]113-kelsey was . [She]168-lia does n’t hang out with [anyone else]2400-anyone else . ”[0-i] “ Yup , okay , the desperation is truly thick . Maybe [she]168-lia had an embarrassing appointment and did n’t want to talk to [you]2160-dude about it . Maybe . . . [I]1941-a needy little salamander of a man who requires to be next to her bouncy bosom at all times ? fuck do n’t know . [She]168-lia has to get a mole removed or something . ”[1941-a needy little salamander of a man who requires to be next to her bouncy bosom at all times ? fuck] “ [I]1941-a needy little salamander of a man who requires to be next to her bouncy bosom at all times ? fuck have licked every inch of [that woman]2179-that woman ’s body . Trust [me]1941-a needy little salamander of a man who requires to be next to her bouncy bosom at all times ? fuck , there is nothing [she]168-lia needs to get removed . ”[1941-a needy little salamander of a man who requires to be next to her bouncy bosom at all times ? fuck] “ Valid , [I]1943-i ’ve done the same to [Kelsey]113-kelsey , and [she]113-kelsey ’s perfect . ”[1943-i] [He]1943-i pauses for a second . “ Ooo , maybe [she]168-lia ’s surprising [you]2160-dude with something , like . . . [a new car]3748-a new car . ”[1943-i] “ What the fuck is this ? The Price is Right ? [She]168-lia ’s not getting [me]1941-a needy little salamander of a man who requires to be next to her bouncy bosom at all times ? fuck [a goddamn new car]3749-a goddamn new car . ”[1941-a needy little salamander of a man who requires to be next to her bouncy bosom at all times ? fuck] “ Okay , yeah , but maybe it ’s something else like lingerie ! Now that ’s exciting and nothing to get [your]2160-dude dick in a twist about . ”[1941-a needy little salamander of a man who requires to be next to her bouncy bosom at all times ? fuck] “ Yeah , [I]1943-i could . . . [I]1943-i could see that . Maybe [she]168-lia ’s buying [me]1943-i something . ”[1943-i] “ [I]1943-i bet that ’s it , [buddy]261-buddy . [She]168-lia ’s getting [the old Breaker Boy]3751-the old breaker boy a little treat . What a fucking nimrod , here [you]261-buddy thought . . . ”[1943-i] [His]1943-i voice trails off , and then [I]0-i hear [him]1943-i say , “ Uh , [dude]2160-dude . ”[1943-i] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Question . Do [you]261-buddy remember what [Brian]100-brian looks like ? ”[1943-i] “ Of course , [I]1943-i remember what [he]1943-i looks like . A punchable turd nugget , why ? ”[1943-i] [He]1943-i ’s silent for a second and then says , “ Well , [I]1943-i think [I]1943-i know where [Lia]168-lia is . ”[1943-i] The hairs on the back of [my]0-i neck stand to attention . “ What do [you]1943-i mean [you]1943-i know where [she]168-lia is ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , once again that dread filling [me]0-i . “ So [Kelsey]113-kelsey asked [me]0-i to pick up some mozzarella from [a deli]3753-a deli that [she]168-lia ’s obsessed with , and since [she]168-lia ’s pregnant and has n’t been able to keep food down lately , [I]0-i ’d do just about anything to make [her]168-lia feel better , including driving twenty minutes to [a deli]3753-a deli to grab mozzarella . ”[0-i] “ What the fuck does this have to do with [Lia]168-lia ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i nearly yell . “ Well , [the deli]3755-the deli is next to [a coffee shop]3756-a coffee shop , and in [the coffee shop]1038-the coffee shop window , [I]0-i can see [Lia]168-lia . . . with [a guy who [I]0-i think is [Brian]100-brian]3758-a guy who i think is brian . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shout . “ Take a picture . Take a goddamn picture right now . ”[0-i] “ Is n’t that [a little stalker - y]3759-a little stalker - y ? ”[0-i] “ [JP]92-jp , [I]0-i ’m going to fucking rip [your]92-jp dick off if [you]92-jp do n’t take a picture right fucking now . ”[0-i] “ Okay , fine . Jesus . ”[1944-he] [He]1944-he pauses for a second and then says , “ [I]1944-he just texted [you]0-i the pic . ”[1944-he] [I]0-i go to [my]0-i text messages just as [his]1944-he comes in . [I]0-i click on it frantically , and when the picture comes into view , [I]0-i zoom in , and sure enough , there ’s [Lia]168-lia , [her]168-lia hand on [Brian]100-brian ’s as [they]1945-they both share a cup of coffee . [I]0-i sink onto [my]0-i bed and stare at it . “ From [your]92-jp silence , [I]0-i ’m going to assume [you]92-jp ’re unwell at the moment . ”[0-i] That does n’t even begin to describe it . “ Why would n’t [she]168-lia tell [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i stare down at the picture . “ Fuck , do [you]92-jp think . . . do [you]92-jp think [she]168-lia ’s getting back together with [him]3760-him ? ”[0-i] “ No fucking chance , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ Come on , [dude]2160-dude . [She]168-lia was miserable with [Brian]100-brian . ”[92-jp] “ Then why the hell is [she]168-lia secretly meeting with [him]3760-him ? ”[0-i] “ Huh , that ’s a great question . ”[0-i] “ What are [they]3762-they doing now ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ FaceTime [me]0-i . Let [me]0-i see what ’s happening . ”[0-i] “ Are [you]92-jp kidding [me]0-i ? [Dude]2160-dude , [I]0-i bolted immediately . [I]0-i ’m in [the deli]3755-the deli . ”[0-i] “ Well , go back . Stand outside the window , watch everything , tell [me]0-i everything . Are [they]3762-they going to hug ? Kiss ? Fuck , [I]0-i think [I]0-i ’m going to throw up . ”[0-i] “ Will [you]92-jp settle down ? [I]0-i ’m already dealing with [a hormonal wife]3765-a hormonal wife . [I]0-i do n’t need [a hormonal brother]3766-a hormonal brother as well . ”[0-i] “ Excuse [me]0-i , but when [Kelsey]113-kelsey was going out with [another guy]3767-another guy , [I]0-i ’m pretty sure [I]0-i was fucking there for [you]92-jp . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , and [you]92-jp were also single with nothing better to do than to soothe [my]0-i aching soul . [I]0-i ’m trying to buy fucking mozzarella , for fuck ’s sake . [You]92-jp ’re asking too much of [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Why are [you]92-jp useless ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask while [I]0-i flop back on the bed . “ Listen , [I]0-i ’m sure there ’s a logical explanation about what ’s going on . Why do n’t [you]92-jp just wait for [her]113-kelsey , and when [she]113-kelsey gets [home]373-home , [you]92-jp ask [her]113-kelsey ? Do n’t confront [her]113-kelsey . Do n’t blame [her]113-kelsey . Just ask [her]113-kelsey . Think [you]92-jp can do that ? ”[0-i] “ Yeah , [I]0-i think so , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , taking a deep breath . “ And for the love of [God]199-god , do n’t tell [her]113-kelsey [I]1946-i saw [her]113-kelsey and sent [you]92-jp a picture . That shit will get back to [Kelsey]113-kelsey , and [she]113-kelsey ’ll have [my]1946-i nuts . ”[1946-i] [He]1946-i lowers [his]1946-i voice . “ [I]1946-i truly am scared , [man]2061-man . [She]113-kelsey ’s something different when pregnant . ”[1946-i] “ Wow , [you]2061-man make wanting [a family]3770-a family so much less desirable . ”[1946-i] “ Currently , it ’s a three out of ten for [me]1946-i . [I]1946-i ’d not recommend it . ”[1946-i] “ Great . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stand from [my]0-i bed . “ [I]0-i ’m going over to [[her]113-kelsey place]2823-her place . The sooner [I]0-i see [her]113-kelsey , the better . ”[0-i] “ Remember , be cool . ”[1946-i] “ Yeah , thanks , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say before hanging up and stabbing [my]0-i hand through [my]0-i hair . “ Fuck , [I]0-i feel sick . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take a deep breath and , wearing only a pair of joggers and a white T - shirt , [I]0-i walk over to [[her]1947-she apartment]323-her apartment , where [I]0-i set [my]0-i phone down on [her]1947-she kitchen counter and start to pace [the living room]937-the living room . [She]1947-she ca n’t be getting back together with [him]1950-him , right ? There ’s no fucking way . [I]0-i ’m tempted to stare at the picture , to analyze it until nothing is left inside [me]0-i but dust and failed dreams , but [I]0-i know that will do nothing for [my]0-i psyche . Instead , [I]0-i continue to pace and not freak [myself]0-i out . [I]0-i love [her]1947-she . It ’s plain and simple , just like that . [I]0-i love [her]1947-she , and [I]0-i wo n’t fucking lose [her]1947-she . Not to [Brian]100-brian , not to [anyone]2080-anyone . * * * The elevator down [the hall]952-the hall dings , and [I]0-i shoot up off [[her]1947-she couch]1953-her couch , where [I]0-i was attempting to meditate but doing a piss - poor job . All [I]0-i ended up thinking about was the picture [JP]92-jp sent [me]0-i and wondering why the hell [she]1947-she was touching [him]92-jp . And why [she]1947-she was still with [him]92-jp an hour after that photo came through . [She]1947-she ’s now been gone for over two hours . [Footsteps]227-footsteps track down [the hall]952-the hall and come closer and closer to [[her]1947-she apartment]323-her apartment until [her]1947-she key fits through the lock . [I]0-i steal [my]0-i breath , and as the door opens , sweat breaks out over [my]0-i skin as [her]1947-she beautiful face comes into view . When [her]1947-she eyes lift and spot [me]0-i , [she]1947-she startles , clutching the giant white garment bag in [her]1947-she arms . “ Jesus , [Breaker]68-breaker . [I]1947-she did n’t know [you]0-i were [here]249-here . ”[1947-she] [My]0-i eyes fall to the garment bag , and [I]0-i know what that is . . . [her]1947-she wedding dress . What the fuck is going on ? “ Hey , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , swallowing hard . “ Have [you]1947-she been [here]249-here the whole time ? ”[0-i] “ No , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , feeling jittery . “ [I]0-i went back to [[my]0-i place]473-my place to get changed , but then [I]0-i came back here to wait for [you]1947-she . ”[0-i] “ Oh , ”[1947-she] [she]1947-she says as [her]1947-she eyes fall to the garment bag and then back to [me]0-i . Fuck , fuck , fuck . Why is [she]1947-she holding that ? Why is n’t [she]1947-she kissing [me]0-i ? Why did [she]1947-she meet with [Brian]100-brian ? “ Did [you]1947-she , uh . . . have a nice time ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]1947-she did , ”[1947-she] [she]1947-she says as [she]1947-she opens [her]1947-she coat closet and hangs the garment bag . [She]1947-she had a good time ? With [Brian]100-brian ? [My]0-i stomach plummets as [I]0-i squeeze [my]0-i hands together , attempting to stop [myself]0-i from doing something stupid . When [she]1947-she shuts the door , [she]1947-she looks at [me]0-i and says , “ Listen , [we]3775-we need to talk . ”[1947-she] [I]0-i ’m going to vomit . How ? How could [he]1956-him possibly come back into [her]1947-she life and [Lia]168-lia be okay with it ? [She]1947-she even said it [herself]1947-she [she]1947-she did n’t love [him]1956-him in the end . [She]1947-she was happy with [her]1947-she choice . So what changed [her]1947-she mind ? Was it [me]0-i ? Did [I]0-i do something wrong ? [I]0-i thought . . . well , fuck , [I]0-i thought [we]1957-we were okay . Better than okay . [I]0-i thought [we]1957-we were amazing . “ Do [you]0-i think [we]1957-we could sit — ”[0-i] “ Do n’t choose [him]1956-him , ”[0-i] [I]0-i shout , unable to stop [myself]0-i . “ Please , [Lia]168-lia . ”[0-i] [My]0-i voice grows shaky . “ Do n’t . . . do n’t choose [him]1956-him . ”[0-i] [Her]1947-she expression turns into confusion as [she]1947-she says , “ Choose who ? ”[1947-she] “ [Brian]100-brian , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [I]0-i . . . fuck . [JP]92-jp saw [you]0-i at [a coffee shop]3756-a coffee shop with [Brian]100-brian , holding hands , and [I]0-i know this is shitty of [me]0-i to say and to put this kind of pressure on [you]0-i , but please do n’t go back to [him]1956-him . Choose [me]0-i . [I]0-i promise [I]0-i ’ll do whatever it takes to make [you]0-i happy . Anything , just — ”[0-i] “ [Breaker]68-breaker , ”[1947-she] [she]1947-she says , coming up and taking [my]0-i hand . “ [I]1947-she ’m not getting back together with [Brian]100-brian . ”[1947-she] “ [You]1947-she ’re not ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as a wave of relief floods through [me]0-i , causing [my]0-i eyes to tear up . “ No , ”[1947-she] [she]1947-she answers as [she]1947-she cups [my]0-i face . “ Oh my God , [I]1947-she ’m so sorry that [your]0-i mind even went there . ”[1947-she] And then [she]1947-she lifts onto [her]1947-she toes , brings [my]0-i face closer , and presses a kiss to [my]0-i lips . [I]0-i ’m so relieved that [I]0-i nearly collapse . “ [I]0-i need . . . fuck , [I]0-i need to sit down , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . [She]1947-she guides [me]0-i to the sofa , where [I]0-i sit , and [she]1947-she sits next to [me]0-i . [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head , wanting [her]1947-she as close as possible , and [I]0-i bring [her]1947-she to [my]0-i lap , where [she]1947-she straddles [my]0-i legs , and [I]0-i can hold on to [her]1947-she . “ Oh my God , were [you]0-i thinking this whole time that [I]1947-she was getting back together with [him]3777-him ? ”[1947-she] [she]1947-she asks . “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i rub [my]0-i hands up and down [her]1947-she sides . “ No . [I]0-i would never . [Brian]100-brian and [I]0-i . . . well , [I]0-i guess [I]0-i should start from the beginning . ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod . “ Yeah , it might be a good idea . ”[1947-she] [She]1947-she presses [her]1947-she hand to [my]0-i chest and says , “ [I]1947-she ran into [Brian]100-brian at [the office supply store]1906-the office supply store . It was really strange seeing [him]3777-him again , for obvious reasons . [He]3777-him was cordial and asked if [we]1958-we could go out to dinner . ”[1947-she] [My]0-i body tightens at the thought of [them]1958-we sharing a meal together . “ [I]1947-she told [him]3777-him [I]1947-she was seeing [someone]2072-someone , and [he]3777-him guessed it was [you]0-i . [I]1947-she do n’t know if [he]3777-him was happy for [us]1958-we , but [he]3777-him was happy that [I]1947-she was happy . Not sure where [he]3777-him stands with [you]0-i . ”[1947-she] “ As if [I]0-i give two fucks , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . [She]1959-i chuckles . “ Anyway , [he]3777-him thought things ended abruptly and asked if [we]1958-we could just talk it out , find some closure . Basically , [he]3777-him wanted to apologize . At first , [I]1959-i was unsure . [I]1959-i told [him]3777-him to text [me]1959-i where to meet [him]3777-him , but after , [I]1959-i was uneasy about it . [I]1959-i was talking to [Myla]1959-i about whether [I]1959-i should go or not when [I]1959-i realized that it was n’t a question at all . [I]1959-i needed to meet up with [him]3777-him . ”[1959-i] “ To , uh . . . to see if [you]0-i still had feelings for [him]3777-him ? ”[1959-i] [She]1959-i smiles lightly . “ No , [Breaker]68-breaker , to find closure . [You]68-breaker see , [I]1959-i happen to be in a relationship with [someone [I]1959-i really care about]3780-someone i really care about . [I]1959-i was n’t giving [him]3777-him everything [I]1959-i had because this door with [Brian]100-brian was still open . [I]1959-i never truly got to close it . That ’s what tonight was about . Ending that chapter in [my]1959-i life so [I]1959-i can have a fresh start . . . with [you]68-breaker . ”[1959-i] More relief floods through [me]0-i , and [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head to the back of the couch . “ Jesus , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Why did n’t [you]1960-i just tell [me]0-i that ? ”[0-i] “ Because [you]1960-i would have freaked out . ”[1960-i] “ No , [I]1960-i would n’t have . ”[1960-i] [She]1960-i gives [me]0-i a judging look before saying , “ If [I]1960-i told [you]0-i [I]1960-i was going to coffee with [Brian]100-brian , [you]0-i would have flipped out . Do n’t even lie to [me]1960-i . ”[1960-i] [I]0-i glance away and mutter , “ Yeah , that might have been true . But [you]1960-i could have told [me]0-i [you]1960-i needed closure . ”[0-i] “ [I]1960-i guess [I]1960-i was n’t one hundred percent positive about what [I]1960-i needed . But [I]1960-i ’m glad [I]1960-i figured it out . ”[1960-i] “ And what do [you]1960-i need ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [She]1960-i drags [her]1960-i thumb over [my]0-i five o’clock shadow . “ [I]1960-i need [you]0-i , [Breaker]68-breaker . [I]1960-i need [us]3781-us . [I]1960-i want [us]3781-us . ”[1960-i] [She]1960-i wets [her]1960-i lips . “ [I]1960-i ’m not convinced [I]1960-i was fully committed up until this point , and [I]1960-i can truly say [I]1960-i know what [my]1960-i feelings are . [I]1960-i know where they rest , and that ’s with [you]0-i . ”[1960-i] [She]1960-i leans in and presses [her]1960-i forehead against [mine]0-i . “ [I]1960-i ’m in love with [you]0-i , [Breaker]2551-breaker , and that might be too soon to say , but that ’s where [I]1960-i ’m at . ”[1960-i] [I]0-i place [my]0-i hands under [her]1960-i shirt and hold [her]1960-i tightly as [my]0-i chest swirls with so many fucking emotions . [She]1960-i loves [me]0-i . [Jesus Christ]90-jesus christ . And here [I]0-i thought [she]1960-i was going to break up with [me]0-i . [I]0-i chuckle , and [she]1960-i pulls away . “ What ’s so funny ? ”[1960-i] “ Shit , sorry . [I]0-i did n’t mean to laugh at that . Poor timing . ”[0-i] [I]0-i let out a deep sigh . “ [I]0-i ’ve wanted to tell [you]1960-i [I]0-i love [you]1960-i for some time now , but [I]0-i ’ve held back because [I]0-i did n’t want to freak [you]1960-i out . And then today , [I]0-i thought [you]1960-i were breaking up with [me]0-i , but instead , [you]1960-i tell [me]0-i [you]1960-i love [me]0-i . [I]0-i mean , fuck , [I]0-i ’ve been through the wringer . ”[0-i] [She]1960-i smiles and leans in close while playing with the collar of [my]0-i shirt . “ [You]1960-i love [me]1960-i ? ”[1960-i] “ Desperately , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ Pathetically . To the point that [I]0-i ’d have no shame in following [you]1960-i around even if [you]1960-i did get back with [Brian]100-brian . [I]0-i ’m so fucking in love with [you]1960-i , [Ophelia]70-ophelia , that [I]0-i can feel it all the way to the marrow of [my]0-i bones . It ’s a part of [me]0-i . [You]1960-i ’re a part of [me]0-i . ”[0-i] Right when [I]0-i think [she]1960-i ’s going to kiss [me]0-i , [she]1960-i stands from [my]0-i lap . “ Where are [you]1960-i going ? ”[1960-i] [I]0-i ask , confused . [She]1960-i holds [her]1960-i hand out , and [I]0-i take it . [She]1960-i weaves [me]0-i through [[her]1960-i apartment]323-her apartment to [[her]1960-i bedroom]1624-her bedroom , and then turns to face [me]0-i . In one smooth motion , [she]1960-i lifts [her]1960-i shirt up and over [her]1960-i head . “ Fuck , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter as [I]0-i take in [her]1960-i purple lace bra . [She]1960-i slides [her]1960-i hands under [my]0-i shirt as [she]1960-i says , “ [You]0-i are a part of [me]1960-i too , [Breaker]68-breaker . [I]1960-i ’m sorry it took [me]1960-i a second to realize that , but [I]1960-i ’m glad [I]1960-i did . ”[1960-i] “ Are [you]1960-i saying that [you]0-i ’re [mine]0-i . . . forever ? ”[1960-i] [I]0-i ask . [She]1960-i helps [me]0-i out of [my]0-i shirt and nods . “ Yes , [I]1960-i ’m [yours]0-i . . . forever . ”[1960-i] Then [she]1960-i lays [me]0-i down on the bed and straddles [my]0-i lap . [I]0-i roll [her]1960-i to [her]1960-i back and pin [her]1960-i to the mattress . [I]0-i lower [my]0-i mouth to [hers]1960-i and kiss [her]1960-i with every inch of [my]0-i heart . And [she]1960-i returns the kiss , [her]1960-i mouth parting , making room for [my]0-i tongue . When [I]0-i pull away and stare down in [her]1960-i beautiful eyes , [I]0-i say , “ [I]0-i love [you]1960-i , [Ophelia]70-ophelia . So fucking much . ”[0-i] [She]1960-i smirks and says , “ [I]1960-i love [you]0-i too . . . [Pickle]68-breaker . ”[1960-i] Laughing , [I]0-i bury [my]0-i head in [her]1960-i shoulder and kiss up [her]1960-i neck while [she]1960-i settles underneath [me]0-i , letting [me]0-i take the lead . Sure , do [I]0-i wish [I]0-i ’d realized several years ago that getting together with [Lia]168-lia was inevitable — some might say . . . a long time coming ? Of course . But [I]0-i also realize the extraordinary bond [we]1963-we built over the years , and [Lia]168-lia might be right . [I]0-i ’m not sure how close [we]1963-we would really be if [we]1963-we did n’t have those years to bond . All [I]0-i know is that [I]0-i ’m fucking happy , and [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers will never let [me]0-i live this down . Ever . Epilogue BREAKER “ Is this stupid ? This feels stupid , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [Lia]168-lia is in [[our]1963-we bedroom]341-our bedroom with [Myla]1966-myla , getting [her]1966-myla a spare shirt since [we]1963-we spilled a drink on [hers]1966-myla . “ This is not stupid . This is well executed , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says . “ Now , do n’t fuck this up for [me]92-jp . [I]92-jp ’ve put a lot of energy into this . ”[92-jp] “ [You]92-jp bought the balloons , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Uh , and [I]0-i came up with the Bloody Mary spill idea — the tactic to surprise [Lia]168-lia . [You]168-lia ’re welcome . ”[0-i] [He]92-jp is right about that , unfortunately . Shortly after [Lia]168-lia and [I]0-i said the big [I]0-i love [yous]1967-yous to each other , [we]1963-we decided to give up [[our]1963-we apartments]1968-our apartments and buy [a house]2668-a house . It was a big decision , one [we]1963-we did n’t take lightly . [We]1963-we walked through [twenty - three houses]1970-twenty - three houses until [we]1963-we found the perfect one . . . a block down from [[my]0-i brothers]317-my brothers . [Lia]168-lia liked that [we]1963-we were close to [Lottie]96-lottie and [Kelsey]113-kelsey , and [I]0-i liked that [Lia]168-lia was finally happy with [a house]2668-a house . [We]1963-we moved in two weeks ago , and today , [we]1963-we ’re hosting Sunday brunch with some help from [Reign]192-reign of course . No , [we]1963-we did n’t steal [him]1973-him , but [we]1963-we ’re hosting so [I]0-i could propose to [Lia]168-lia but make it a surprise . The plan was this . [We]1963-we eat , chat , have a good time , and then [Myla]188-myla spills a drink on [Lia]168-lia ’s shirt . [Her]188-myla task is to keep [Lia]168-lia [upstairs]3252-upstairs for at least five minutes . The moment [they]1975-they disappeared , all hands were on [deck]1976-deck . [We]1963-we moved all the pre - made decorations into place , along with a giant light - up sign that says Marry [Me]0-i . When it came to the proposal , [I]0-i thought of many ways [I]0-i could do it . There was proposing at [Disney]45-disney since that ’s where [we]1963-we shared [our]1963-we first kiss . [I]0-i thought about it before [we]1963-we moved out of [[our]1963-we apartments]1968-our apartments . [I]0-i thought about it while playing a game of Scrabble with [her]168-lia , [you]1978-you know , to make it full circle . But when it came down to it , [I]0-i knew having the support of [friends]2146-friends and [family]1980-family was what [I]0-i truly wanted . Plus , [I]0-i wanted pictures and video , so [I]0-i ’ve put [Lottie]96-lottie and [Kelsey]113-kelsey in charge of that . Not to mention , [I]0-i truly believe one of the main reasons [Lia]168-lia is with [me]0-i now is because of [the people around [us]1963-we]1981-the people around us . [They]1981-the people around us helped bring [us]1963-we together with [their]1981-the people around us advice and [their]1981-the people around us gentle nudges of encouragement . Okay , full - on pointed opinions . It feels only fitting to have [everyone]2071-everyone here . “ Do [you]0-i have the ring ? ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp asks as [he]92-jp comes up next to [me]0-i . “ Of course [I]0-i have the ring , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i hold up [my]0-i hand . A week ago , [Huxley]92-jp , [JP]92-jp , and [I]0-i picked out the ring , the exact style [I]0-i know [Lia]168-lia will love . Three stones represent past , present , and future on a white gold band , topping off at two carats . [I]0-i considered getting something bigger , but [I]0-i know [she]168-lia would n’t want it . This is perfect . “ Are [you]92-jp nervous ? ”[168-lia] “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , [my]0-i legs trembling beneath [me]0-i . “ [I]0-i think [she]168-lia ’s ready for this . [I]0-i mean , [we]3783-we bought [a house]2668-a house together , but a part of [me]0-i is still scared that [she]168-lia ’ll tell [me]0-i [she]168-lia ’s not ready . ”[0-i] “ Not going to happen , ”[92-jp] [Huxley]92-jp says . “ [She]168-lia looks at [you]0-i the way [Lottie]96-lottie looks at [me]92-jp and the way [Kelsey]113-kelsey looks at [JP]92-jp . That kind of love is forever . ”[92-jp] “ Thanks , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [he]92-jp pats [me]0-i on the back . Something has happened to [Huxley]92-jp over the past couple of months since [they]1983-they announced [Lottie]96-lottie ’s pregnancy . [He]92-jp ’s more sensitive and less robotic . [He]92-jp seems to have actual feelings now . And the only time [I]0-i see [the old Huxley]92-jp return — [the sharp , rigid Huxley]92-jp — is when [someone]2072-someone is looking at [Lottie]96-lottie the wrong way , or [he]92-jp needs to put [someone]2072-someone in [their]2072-someone place . But [this new , touchy - feely guy]1986-this new , touchy - feely guy is really throwing [me]0-i off . As for [JP]92-jp , well , [he]92-jp has become ultra annoying , clinging to [me]0-i every chance [he]92-jp can get to stay away from what [he]92-jp refers to as the “ [she]113-kelsey - devil , ”[92-jp] aka [Kelsey]113-kelsey . The pregnancy hormones have apparently scared [JP]92-jp right out of [[his]92-jp own house]1987-his own house . Not sure what [he]92-jp ’s talking about because [she]113-kelsey ’s been absolutely pleasant to [me]0-i . “ Anything else [we]3785-we need to do ? ”[155-banner] [Banner]155-banner asks from the side where [he]155-banner oversees the music . [[His]155-banner girlfriend]3515-his girlfriend [Kenzie]158-kenzie is right next to [him]155-banner , holding a confetti popper . [She]158-kenzie ’s really freaking funny . [I]0-i ’ve gotten to know [Kenzie]158-kenzie over the last month or so , and [she]158-kenzie ’s [a perfect addition to [the group]1990-the group]1989-a perfect addition to the group . Quirky and odd but a whole lot of fun . “ [I]0-i think [we]1990-the group ’re good , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . [I]0-i glance around . “ Is [everyone]2071-everyone in place ? ”[0-i] [Kelsey]113-kelsey and [Lottie]96-lottie offer [me]0-i a thumbs up as [they]1991-they hold [their]1991-they phones , ready to record everything from different angles . [JP]92-jp and [Huxley]92-jp are off to the side , holding the curtains to [the backyard]1992-the backyard shut so [Lia]168-lia does n’t see what ’s going on as [she]168-lia walks back to the brunch . [Ryot]169-ryot and [Penn]181-penn hang out by the table with a confetti popper in hand . Which by the way , [I]0-i heard [Penn]181-penn finally took [Birdy]118-birdy out on a date , but [he]181-penn has yet to tell [me]0-i how it went . [I]0-i ’m hoping it went well , although [I]0-i know [Penn]181-penn has been fighting some demons , so [I]0-i ’m not entirely sure if there will be a second date or not . “ [She]118-birdy ’s coming , ”[96-lottie] [Lottie]96-lottie whisper - shouts , pulling [me]0-i to attention . “ [You]168-lia got this , ”[92-jp] [JP]92-jp says while giving [me]0-i an exaggerated thumbs up . [I]0-i steal [my]0-i breath , pray that [I]0-i do n’t pass out , and as [JP]92-jp and [Huxley]92-jp pull the curtains open , revealing [Lia]168-lia in the doorframe , looking confused and surprised , it ’s impossible to catch [my]0-i next breath . [Banner]155-banner plays the music , soft instrumental , while [everyone else]280-everyone else fades into the background . [Lia]168-lia ’s eyes find [mine]0-i , and they immediately begin to fill with tears . “ Oh my God , ”[168-lia] [she]168-lia says softly as [she]168-lia brings [her]168-lia shaky hand to [her]168-lia mouth . [I]0-i take a step forward and hold out [my]0-i hand for [her]168-lia to take . [She]168-lia does , and as [I]0-i bring [her]168-lia out onto [the patio]1994-the patio and in front of the lit - up Marry [Me]0-i sign , [I]0-i ca n’t help but notice just how jittery [I]0-i am as well . “ [Ophelia]70-ophelia , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say softly . “ When [I]0-i first met [you]70-ophelia , [I]0-i thought [you]70-ophelia were everything [I]0-i needed in [my]0-i life . [You]70-ophelia liked all the things [I]0-i liked . [You]70-ophelia made [me]0-i laugh . [You]70-ophelia put [me]0-i in [my]0-i place . And [you]70-ophelia were so fucking beautiful that [I]0-i told [myself]0-i [I]0-i was going to ask [you]70-ophelia out . Unfortunately for [me]0-i , [you]70-ophelia were looking for [a friend]2434-a friend , not [a boyfriend]2134-a boyfriend , and [I]0-i ’m glad [you]70-ophelia were because [I]0-i ca n’t imagine enduring the last decade of [our]3789-our lives without [each other]288-each other . ”[0-i] [I]0-i get down on one knee as tears fall down [her]1995-she cheeks . “ [You]70-ophelia make [me]0-i so fucking happy that [I]0-i do n’t need anything in life but [you]70-ophelia . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take a deep breath and say , “ [Ophelia Fairweather - Fern]70-ophelia , will [you]1995-she please be [[my]0-i wife]2159-my wife ? ”[0-i] [She]1995-she nods , not even taking a second to think about it . Confetti poppers shoot into the air , [[our]1996-us friends]1997-our friends and [family]1980-family cheer , and as [I]0-i stand to put the ring on [her]1995-she finger , an overwhelming sense of relief hits [me]0-i all at once . [She]1995-she ’s going to be [mine]0-i forever . “ Oh my God , [Breaker]68-breaker , ”[1995-she] [she]1995-she says right before [she]1995-she grips the back of [my]0-i neck and brings [me]0-i down for a kiss . It ’s a brief kiss because [she]1995-she ’s crying and [everyone]2071-everyone is crowding around [us]1996-us looking for hugs , but when [I]0-i look into [her]1995-she eyes , past [her]1995-she perfectly purple glasses , [I]0-i know for a fact that [she]1995-she ’ll forever hold [my]0-i heart , and [I]0-i will forever hold [hers]1995-she . A long time coming ? Perhaps . But every day together , every challenge [we]1996-us faced , every joy [we]1996-us shared , every game [she]1995-she trounced [me]0-i on , made [us]1996-us closer than [I]0-i could ever imagine [two people]2000-two people being . [I]0-i love [this girl]2214-this girl , and [I]0-i ’ll do everything to make [her]1995-she life as wonderful as [she]1995-she is . [She]1995-she will carry knitted flowers down the aisle , and [she]1995-she will have daisies everywhere [she]1995-she wishes . [I]0-i ’ll make every dream come true . And most of all ? [I]0-i ca n’t wait to say those two additional words that join [us]1996-us until the end of time . * * * Do [you]2002-you want more from [these characters]2003-these characters right now ? Be sure to keep flipping for an EXTENDED EPILOGUE featuring [all three Cane brothers]2004-all three cane brothers and check out [Huxley]92-jp ’s , [JP]92-jp ’s , and [Ryot]169-ryot ’s stories which are available now . . . and stay on the lookout for Banner ’s and [Penn]181-penn ’s stories which will be coming soon ! A Not So Meet Cute - [Huxley]92-jp and [Lottie]96-lottie So Not Meant to Be - [JP]92-jp and [Kelsey]113-kelsey Untying the Knot - [Ryot]169-ryot and [Myla]2005-myla And keep reading for an excerpt from the first book in [my]0-i steamy hockey series , Kiss and Do n’t Tell , which has the third book releasing soon as well ! Excerpt - Kiss and Do n’t Tell PROLOGUE PACEY Man , [I]0-i ’m [a fucking idiot]3011-a fucking idiot . Bet [you]2002-you have n’t heard that from [a man]2121-a man before . . . Yeah , [every man on the face of this earth]2008-every man on the face of this earth has uttered those sacred words at least a dozen times . [I]0-i ’ve been [a fucking idiot]3011-a fucking idiot so many times , [I]0-i ’ve lost count . But this . . . This is by far the biggest screwup [I]0-i ’ve ever made . Oh , [you]2002-you ’re intrigued ? [You]2002-you want to know what qualifies this particular situation as [my]0-i biggest screwup ? Easy . One word . . . love . Okay , okay , [I]0-i know [I]0-i ’m not [the only guy who ’s fucked up when it comes to love]2010-the only guy who ’s fucked up when it comes to love . Frankly , [I]0-i believe it ’s human nature to fuck up with matters of the heart . But it ’s [my]0-i first time . That ’s what makes this so special . Yup , first - timer . [A virgin]2011-a virgin . . . well , not [a sexual virgin]2012-a sexual virgin , [a love virgin]2013-a love virgin . [I]0-i ’ve had plenty of sex . Not that [we]2014-we need to get into that , but [I]0-i ’m not [a virgin]2011-a virgin . See , this is the problem . This right here . The rambling , the not using [my]0-i brain . [I]0-i would like to blame [my]0-i almost season - ending injury , but that would be [a scapegoat]2016-a scapegoat . [I]0-i ’m just [a dumbass]3075-a dumbass . Getting sick of [me]0-i beating around the bush ? If [you]2018-you were in [my]0-i bed [you]2018-you would n’t . [I]0-i know , [I]0-i ’m annoyed with [me]0-i too . Okay , so [I]0-i fucked up . How ? Well , [I]0-i ’ll keep it short and simple . . . Rainstorm . [Random girl]2019-random girl shows up at [cabin]2020-cabin . [Random girl]2019-random girl stays with [us]2022-we . . . do n’t worry , [we]2022-we will get into that . [Random girl]2019-random girl turns out to be [[my]0-i half - brother ’s ex - girlfriend]2024-my half - brother ’s ex - girlfriend . [She]2019-random girl does n’t know . But [I]0-i know . Do [you]2018-you think [I]0-i tell [her]2019-random girl ? Nah , why would [I]0-i do that ? That ’s the intelligent thing to do and as [we]2022-we established , [I]0-i am [a dumbass]3075-a dumbass . Does [she]2019-random girl find out ? Yup . Does [she]2019-random girl get mad ? Ohhh yeah . Does [she]2019-random girl leave [me]0-i . . . sad , alone , and love deprived ? One hundred percent . Do [I]0-i deserve it ? More than [you]2018-you know . But more importantly , do [you]2018-you think [I]0-i should have a chance at winning [her]2019-random girl heart back ? NO ? What ? Before [you]2018-you decide , just listen to the story . [I]0-i ’m pretty sure [you]2018-you will have a change of heart . Keep reading : Kiss and Do n’t Tell Get [your]2018-you Cane Brothers EXTENDED EPILOGUE HERE More Books by [[Meghan -All]168-lia]2026-meghan -all Books Available in Kindle Unlimited- [Billionaire Rom Coms ( Standalone Romance ) A Not So Meet Cute So Not Meant to Be Untying the Knot A Long Time Coming Standalone , Laugh Out Loud , Romantic Comedies The Modern Gentleman The Wedding Game The Highland Fling Runaway Groomsman Vacation Wars Royal Romances]2027-billionaire rom coms ( standalone romance ) a not so meet cute so not meant to be untying the knot a long time coming standalone , laugh out loud , romantic comedies the modern gentleman the wedding game the highland fling runaway groomsman vacation wars royal romances ( [Alpha Hero]228-alpha hero with [a future Queen Heroine ) Royally Not Ready Royally in Trouble Steamy Teacher Romances]2028-a future queen heroine ) royally not ready royally in trouble steamy teacher romances ( [Alpha Heroes]229-alpha heroes and [Sassy Heroines]2029-sassy heroines ) See [Me]0-i After Class Earn [Your]2018-you Extra Credit Put [Me]0-i in [Detention Hunky Hockey Players]2030-detention hunky hockey players ( [Standalone Sports Romance]56-standalone sports romance ) Kiss and Do n’t [Tell Those Three Little Words]230-tell those three little words [The Brentwood Boys]57-the brentwood boys ( Standalone Baseball Romances ) [The Locker Room The Dugout The Lineup The Trade The Change Up The Setup The Strike Out The Perfect Catch The Kings of Football]2031-the locker room the dugout the lineup the trade the change up the setup the strike out the perfect catch the kings of football Series ( [New Adult Sports Romance]2032-new adult sports romance ) [The Romantic Pact The Bromance Club Series]2033-the romantic pact the bromance club series ( Millionaire Romances ) The Secret to Dating [Your]2018-you Best Friend ’s Sister Diary of [a Bad Boy Boss Man Bridegroom Port Snow]2034-a bad boy boss man bridegroom port snow Series ( Small Town Romances ) [That Second Chance That Forever Girl That Secret Crush That Swoony Feeling The Duets ( Complete Box Set compiling The Blue Line Duet]2035-that second chance that forever girl that secret crush that swoony feeling the duets ( complete box set compiling the blue line duet and The Perfect Duet in one place ) The Duets The Romance Novelist Chronicles ( Hilarious , laugh out loud romantic comedies ) * * [The Virgin Romance Novelist]2036-the virgin romance novelist , [The Randy Romance Novelist]2037-the randy romance novelist , and [The Parenting Romance Novelist]2038-the parenting romance novelist are all combined into one book The Virgin Romance Novelist Chronicles * * [The Virgin Romance Novelist Chronicles The Virgin Romance Novelist Co - Written with]2039-the virgin romance novelist chronicles the virgin romance novelist co - written with [Sara Ney]213-sally ( [A sexy , smart , heart swooning office romance with the boss]2040-a sexy , smart , heart swooning office romance with the boss ) Love Sincerely Yours [The Perfect Duet]2041-the perfect duet ( A heartfelt romance that will leave [you]2018-you breathless ) [The Left Side of Perfect The Right Side of Forever]2042-the left side of perfect the right side of forever [The Blue Line Duet]58-the blue line duet ( An epic romance with many twists and turns ) The Upside of Falling The Downside of Love The Dating by Numbers Series ( Adventurous dating series full of laugh out loud moments and very heated scenes ) [Three Blind Dates Two Wedding Crashers]2043-three blind dates two wedding crashers Back in the Game One [Baby Daddy The Binghamton]231-baby daddy the binghamton Series ( Full of heart , humor , and heat and [some HOT CONSTRUCTION WORKERS]2044-some hot construction workers ) [Co - Wrecker]2045-co - wrecker [[My]0-i Best Friend ’s Ex Tangled Twosome The Other Brother Standalone Novels The Mother Road]59-my best friend ’s ex tangled twosome the other brother standalone novels the mother road ( A family road trip romantic comedy ) Newly Exposed ( May the force be with [this male model , a romantic comedy]2046-this male model , a romantic comedy ) Dear Life ( A life changing contemporary romance ) The Stroked Series ( HOT sports romance with plenty of humor ) [STROKED STROKED LONG STROKED HARD The Jett Girl Series]60-stroked stroked long stroked hard the jett girl series ( Sassy , erotic romance with [a gorgeous , protective alpha male )]2047-a gorgeous , protective alpha male ) [Bourbon Sins Bourbon Deceit Bourbon Kingdom Bourbon Truths The Love and Sports Series]61-bourbon sins bourbon deceit bourbon kingdom bourbon truths the love and sports series ( [New Adult , Football sports romance with plenty of twists ) Fair Catch Double Coverage Three and Out The Hot - Lanta Series]2048-new adult , football sports romance with plenty of twists ) fair catch double coverage three and out the hot - lanta series ( [My]0-i first series ever . Baseball sports romance with lots of drama ! ) [Caught Looking Playing the Field Warning Track Hit and Run]2049-caught looking playing the field warning track hit and run